Scanner : robot sex

Say "Hello" to "Emily" and Kiss Actual Women Goodbye

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:22:00 GMT

This is Emily. Although she's not real, she seems pretty damn lifelike. As she'll happily tell you, she's a creation of Image Metrics Technology and made by the same computer technology used in video games like Vice City.

First the sex doll looked real. Then the sex robot looked real (and was a sex robot, for people to have sex with, instead of having sex with other, actual people). Now the computer generated woman looks real. Real women -- we are totally done for. Why do these creepy android technologies never build lifelike dudes?

So this leads us to the million dollar question-- would you have sex with Emily? I mean, thankfully, you can't, but if you could do it with the unreal thing, would you?

[via YesButNoButYes]

Who Would You Rather: House vs. McDreamy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:23:00 GMT

Plus the results of our "Who Would You Rather: Julie Newmar vs. Michelle Pfeiffer" Catwoman edition...

The winner... Julie Newmar, with 53% of the vote. (Of course, Eartha Kitt may have played third party spoiler in this case...)

Which is the bigger TV doctor sex symbol? Hugh Laurie, as the title character on Fox's "House, M.D." or Patrick Dempsey as Dr. McSteamy on ABC's "Grey's Anatomy"? Future philosophers will debate this very question over robot-made Red Bull Infused Hot Tea... or whatever they'll be doing in 2009...

Previously:

Who Would You Rather: Michelle Pfeiffer vs. Julie Newmar

Who Would You Rather, Celebrity Chef Edition: Gordon Ramsay vs. Bobby Flay?

Who Would You Rather?: Kanye West vs. Jay Z

Who Would You Rather: Founding Fathers Edition

Hot or Not: Robotic Stripping?

Emily Farris — Fri, 16 May 2008 19:16:00 GMT

Stripped by a Mechanical Shovel! - video powered by Metacafe

We're both annoyed and strangely turned on by this.

[Metacafe via YBNBY]

Steamed, Horny Gal Gets All "Episode 8.5: Revenge of the Ex" on "Star Wars" Obsessed XBF

Bryan Christian — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Best of Craigslist reminds us that despite the specific nature of General Dodonna's briefing before the Battle of Yavin, not every Star Wars nerd can successfully bullseye a gal's wamp rat with his snub fighter. (Yikes, that hurt typing. But you know what we mean, right?)

Dear Star Wars ex-boyfriend, my vag is sore
Date: 2008-01-25, 3:56AM EST

Dear Star Wars obsessed ex-boyfriend,

A few things as of late have come to light. The fact that you had an entire room dedicated to Star Wars should have been enough to make any sane girl run in the opposite direction, I somehow found it endearing. The fact that you couldn’t string two thoughts together in order to form a cohesive sentence should have made me giggle in your face, instead I patiently waited as you tried to sound like your IQ was above 87. Your crazy mom that decided to “pop in” and vacuum at one in the morning should have definitely made leave, but I stuck by your side. Your sexual inadequacies should have made me run to seek orgasm from another penis, instead I quietly masturbated in the bathroom after your pathetic attempts at coitus.

Now, lest you be concerned where this is going, rest assured: just like the Star Wars saga, in spite of some dramatic ups and downs, there is a happy ending. Also like the Star Wars saga: it involves a sore vagina, a thick, meaty penis, and a cum-splattered face. Yub nub!

[img via]

"Love and Sex With Robots" Author on The Colbert Report

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Remember back in November, we wrote about the book "Love and Sex With Robots?" The book's author, David Levy predicted we'd be engaging in hot, consensual robot sex within 30 years. Recently, Levy was on The Colbert Report, uh, defending his hypothesis.

Bad Santa

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 17:29:00 GMT

There's something strange about online chatbots -- maybe it's that they're robots. And most of the time they're programmed to talk dirty, so you can't blame a Microsoft-powered bot when it's supposed to be chatting as Santa but slips up and starts talking to kids about blow jobs, now can you?

Robot Love, Redux

Emily Farris — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 13:49:00 GMT

Yesterday, we learned that we might be marrying robots by the year 2035. And according to this article in WIRED, it appears we're well on our way.

First we meet Stair 1.0. Six-feet tall and handsome, he's the clumsy first-boyfriend robot who can "manipulate something in its environment" just not very well. He can't always follow through with tasks and sometimes breaks shit. Stair 2.0 will be able to "fail gracefully" and learn from its mistakes. Stair, however, is just a robotic hand on wheels--safe enough for now. On the creepier side of this is RobotCub:

The size and shape of a 3-year-old, RobotCub has two five-fingered hands, each of which will be covered with sensitive artificial skin made of the same stuff as the iPod's electrostatic touchwheel. It has expressive eyes, a white plastic shell that makes it look like Casper the Friendly Ghost, and a tether that runs from its back like an electronic umbilical cord into an adjacent room, where it connects to a few dozen PCs.

So, if RobotCub is redeveloped each year, and gets more skin and a few more parts, he'll be 31 and prime marriage material by 2035.

Nothing Hotter Than Robots Getting It On

Emily Farris — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 15:01:00 GMT

Except maybe robot on human action, which David Levy posits will happen in the next 30 years in his new book "Love and Sex With Robots: The Evolution of Human-Robot Relationships." While Salon thought he could have spiced it up a bit, considering the subject matter, he makes some pretty fascinating predictions:

"Levy argues that...If machines improve at their current pace, in a few decades' time we'll likely see robots that can mimic human language, thought, appearances and emotions well enough to get us in the mood. (Levy predicts we'll see the first human-robot marriages by around 2035.) It seems crazy -- doesn't it? -- to think that people would choose to love robots rather than other people...

"And it would fill your needs. In the sack, your robot would be a tiger or a lamb, however you like to roll. It could be programmed to fly into fits of rage -- because maybe you like some spice in your life? -- and/or to love to cuddle, it could be made to share your sexual interest in pie throwing, or your love of hippie jam bands, or, like Woody Allen's whores of Mensa, it could spend all night discussing Proust and Yeats."

While it would take the fun out of all the things we love to hate about relationships-- anxiety, excitement, jealousy-- it does seem almost, slightly possible that we could fall in love with robots. After all, would you be more upset about losing that 'meh' significant other or your laptop? We're just saying....

But imagine that annoying friend of who won't give an inch to anyone and thinks she's perfect. What if she could program a being to love her "just the way she is?" We're not saying we're not looking forward to a little anatomically-correct robot on human action—we are!—but if we ever get engaged to one, please knock us off.

A Brief History of Electric Ladyland

Bryan Christian — Fri, 02 Nov 2007 19:31:00 GMT

Over at Popular Science, Annalee Newitz takes a look back at the many sexy lady robots that have fevered our weak human minds over the past 80 years. (Yeah, they go that far back.) We know what you're thinking: did they remember Rosie the Robot Maid from The Jetsons? Sadly, no.

Good thing, then, that over on the PopSci forums, there's been a veritable nerdsplosion of notably overlooked foxy fembots. So far it looks like Jeri Ryan's Seven of Nine from Star Trek is the write-in candidate of choice.

Hey, did any of you guys ever see the Voyager episodes where Seven has to go back in time and tell herself something? (Since there are about a million of those, if you ever saw Voyager, chances are: yes, you did.) Did any one else see that and wonder whether, if they ever saw their future selves and they were totally hot, they'd consider sleeping with them? I mean, I wouldn't. (Face stubble's a real turn-off.) But would you? Would Seven of Nine? Maybe?

Welcome to the Future...Where We All Pork Robots

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 17:10:00 GMT

Guess what? By the year 2050 you'll drive to work in a hover car every day, eat meals in pill form and have left your wife for a sexy robot mistress. Apparently, we are just about ready to have lots of hot, steamy, meaningful sex with robots. According to this article on impending robot-human love connections:

Psychologists have identified roughly a dozen basic reasons why people fall in love, and [according to artificial intelligence researcher David Levy] "almost all of them could apply to human-robot relationships. For instance, one thing that prompts people to fall in love are similarities in personality and knowledge, and all of this is programmable. Another reason people are more likely to fall in love is if they know the other person likes them, and that's programmable too."

So soon we'll have robots to cuddle with who we can program to wash their balls and brush their teeth. Goodbye dude you settled for because all your friends are married with kids, hello love robot.