Scanner : rnc

This Week in Gayness: The Homecoming Drag Queen

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 16:38:00 GMT

Some gay rights bloggers were concerned about the presence of Jerry Lewis on the Oscar stage.

Yesterday marked the 40th anniversary of the Tinker v. Des Moines Independent School District Supreme Court decision, which upheld free speech rights for students. The Gay News blog looks at how much has changed since then (spoiler: nothing.)

According to the Guardian, some evangelicals appear to be growing more receptive to the gays and lesbians in their midst.

More on that Focus on the Family vs. Charlotte, North Carolina story we mentioned last week.

The Log Cabin Republicans are going after that slimy new RNC chairman. Here's hoping for a split.

George Mason University senior Ryan Allen was awarded the title of Homecoming Queen at a sold-out basketball game on Saturday, thanks to his 12-inch heels and infamous local drag queen act.

As we mentioned earlier, Sean Penn was named Best Actor and Dustin Lance Black won the Best Original Screenplay Oscar for Milk. Both made speeches related to the Prop 8 fight in California. Here's a story about Dustin's speech airing in India, where it may have been censored in a rebroadcast of the ceremony.

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Monk Sex Scandal Proves Forced Celibacy Won't Work

Your New Favorite Mexican Boy (and Man) Band

This Week in Gayness: Don't Ask... Just Don't Ask

This Week in Gayness: How to Tell Your Boyfriend Is Closeted

Sloppy Seconds: RNC Chair Tells Critics to "Stuff It"

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:44:00 GMT

We stopped liking theater pretty much after we had that terrible drama mask tattoo covered with something else, but we're intrigued by "In the Next Room (Or the Vibrator Play." [NYT]

Robert De Niro and Van Morrison will be among Jimmy Fallon's first guests when he takes over "Late Night." [Yahoo!]

Lisa Rinna made a point of not hitting the gym before her Playboy shoot. [People]

Just as Richard Simmons offers Jessica Simpson weight loss advice. [Us]

There are very few things that make us miss living in New York, but this Snuggie pub crawl is one of them. [Snuggie Pub Crawl]

Michael Steele, chair of the RNC says he's taking the Republican Party beyond the cutting edge, so far beyond in fact, that it will be "off the hook." If you don't like it? "Stuff it." [CNN]

Billionaires For Bush Say Goodbye... For Now...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT

Unless Jeb Bush runs for Senate in Florida, wins, and mounts a stunning Bush Family-styled comeback for the White House in 2012, it's fairly likely that the Billionaires For Bush will be no more. We counter-protested a 10,000-person strong peace movement rally and march on the RNC last year under the name "Lobbyists For McCain," with slogans like "Loyal to Big Oil," "Proud Bush-McCain Republican," and, of course, "Four More Years."

Well, it ~~worked~~ failed. The unwashed masses voted for Obama, even though our revered corporations and special interests didn't endorse him. And so we begin a new era-- one without Hummers, without tax cuts directed toward the top 1%-- even without gigantic corporate fountains urinating pure Stolichnaya vodka.

With this in mind, the New York Times interviewed the Lobbyists For McCain, i.e. Billionaires For Bush, in Tuesday's paper...

They were getting along just fine, these Billionaires were, when a terrible thing happened.
George W. Bush left office.
It’s hard to be a Billionaire for Bush when there is no Bush. The group might have recast itself as Billionaires for Obama. But that would have required “irony we can believe in,” said Andrew Boyd, who sometimes goes by his Billionaire name, Phil T. Rich.

“Here’s the conundrum,” Mr. Boyd said. “Can you point out that the emperor has no clothes when you like the emperor — and his clothes?”

Not really, although the Daily Show has had plenty of ammunition lately without specifically attacking President Changey Pants.

“I think we were serious about having our brand lose its brand identity,” said Elissa Jiji or, if you prefer, Meg A. Bucks. Mr. Bartlett observed that “it’s not the time for ostentatious wealth.” Even though there are still plenty of potential targets — Bernard L. Madoff and bonus-hungry Wall Street executives, for example — there seems little point going after them when others are, too.

“They’re no longer held in such esteem that they need to be knocked down,” Mr. Boyd said.

For now, the Billionaires have chosen to put away their gowns, toss aside their top hats and leave their badminton rackets in the closet. Soon after the Obama inauguration, a few dozen of them met at a Greenwich Village bar for what Ms. Jiji described as “a last huzzah.” She had “thought we’d be sad,” she said, “but it was very festive.” Mr. Boyd called it a “farewell to arms contracts.”

But bear in mind that “Billionaires never die,” he said. “We just refinance.”

Have no fear about the end of satire in America, though: Plutocrats For Palin does have a certain ring to it for 2012...

Tax Day with an actual pimp, April 2005.

Jolly Robber Barons: the Billionaire Yacht Club during the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, circa June 2005...

Via the New York Times.

Video of Darin Barry, Andrew Boyd (background), and the author from Minnesota Independent Media.

Related:

FBI Agents Out To Get Democrats

Video of the Day: No You Can't

George W. Bush May Get in Bed With Sleaze, but at Least It's Got a Pretty Face

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more.

Read more...

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:18:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Read more...

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

Read more...

RNC Candidate Produces "Barack the Magic Negro" Song

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 18:02:00 GMT

If you think the historic and decisive victory of Barack Obama has dealt a death blow to this country's racial intolerance, you're going to want to see this...

Chip Saltsman, the genius who turned Mike Huckabee's win in the Iowa caucus to a triumphant defeat down the road, is running to be the head of the Republican National Committee. Since, as is the case with Sarah Palin, the vilest candidate should win here and, with the unfunny "parody" song he handed out to colleagues at Christmas and the huge uproar over the weekend, we would peg him as the new front runner for the job.

Here's a video someone made set to the song. Our second favorite, way less amusing, is here. There's nothing to say here except these people are incredibly sad... just sad...

...with caveats: 1) The video opens with Paul Shanklin, an Al Sharpton impersonator (more like "mocker"), letting everyone know this is closed captioned for the "thinking impared." Yes, that's how he spelled it. Oh, and there are no captions in the video whatsoever. 2) Even if the rest of the ignorant lyrics fail to turn you off, just keep reminding yourself that Saltsman is white and the use of the word "Negro," his defenders argue, is completely acceptable because he's "being funny." 3) The smack-yourself-in-the-forehead break in the song, which either Saltsman or Shanklin use to claim that people vote for Obama because "this is about justice"-- as if those tens of millions of votes were all because people feel sorry for the Civil Rights Era (yeah, tell that to the Jesse Jackson '84 and '88 campaigns, and to George Bush, who would be relieved to know it had nothing to do with him.

If the video gets pulled (it has been once already), please email us at scanner@nerve.com and we'll get another version up immediately.

Related:

GOP Senate Candidate's Son In Hot Water For Racist Facebook Profile

Missouri Republican Resigns To Spend More Time With Family, Soon Gets Arrested For Sexually Assaulting 14-Year-Old

Pope Makes Insane Gay Metaphor

Al Qaeda Endorses John McCain For President

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 15:07:00 GMT

We were always a bit perplexed by these Republicans saying that Al Qaeda would welcome a Democratic White House, as if what terrorists want is some sort of laid-back President who doesn't want to fight them. Yeah, Al Qaeda's goal is to be ignored... right. We also recall seeing Rip Torn at the 2004 RNC and being disturbed that he was consorting with two people wearing "9 out of 10 terrorists prefer John Kerry" buttons. And doing so on New York City soil, no less, was twice as disgraceful.

Now, it seems a just reward for those who would exploit 9/11 for political gain that the McCain-Palin ticket has just received a nod from Al Qaeda itself...

Here's most of the text from a message on a terrorist website, which is for members only and is password protected. (We found it here, lest you think we're members or something.) The poster notes that because McCain is likely to continue fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, Al Qaeda should support him. (Take that, Republican scum, your candidate is the one who actually endangers American lives.)

"This requires presence of an impetuous American leader such as McCain, who pledged to continue the war till the last American soldier. Then, Al-Qaeda will have to support McCain in the coming elections so that he continues the failing march of his predecessor, Bush."
"If Al-Qaeda carries out a big operation against American interests, this act will be support of McCain because it will push the Americans deliberately to vote for McCain so that he takes revenge for them against Al-Qaeda. Al-Qaeda then will succeed in exhausting America till its last year in it."

While You Were Sleeping: Colin Powell To Endorse?

Scandals Clinging To Sarah Palin Like Trig To Her Pantsuit

Sloppy Seconds: Which Power Ranger Is Guilty of Murder?

If You're A Liberal And Terrified Your Vote Won't Count...

RNC Delegate, Robbed By Hooker, Speaks Out In Favor Of More War

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:29:00 GMT

Have you guys heard about this smarmy, sniveling Republican toolbox who got robbed of "$120,000 worth" of crappy personal effects during the Republican National Convention? Yeah, he deserved it...

Check out this video that's been floating around, thanks to LinkTV, of Colorado schyster Gabriel Nathan Schwartz discussing the foreign policy he'd love to see John McCain enact:

For the sake of sanity, we're hoping he's being satirical. Something, anything.

Anyway, if you haven't heard about this guy's story, here's the rundown: Schwartz, an RNC delegate, met a woman at a bar during the convention in Minneapolis and took her back to his hotel. Red flag #1: she made the drinks. Red flag #2: she told him to get undressed. In case you don't know, these are clear indications she was attempting to subdue, rather than seduce, the dashing young buck.

He's not sure what happened next, since the prostitute (see Red flag #2: she "ordered" him to get dressed, according to his report to the police... sounds like pro talk to us) had slipped some sort of pill in his drink. When he awoke, he was out of the following:

$30,000 watch, a $20,000 ring, a necklace valued at $5,000, earrings priced at $4,000 and a Prada belt valued at $1,000

Um, yeah. He had a thousand dollar belt and he's worried about his taxes under Barack Obama?! Dude, you better worry about your shopping insanity, first...

Via Minnesota Independent.

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

"We Support George McCain For President"

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Armed Robber In Wheelchair Going To Have A Blast Tonight

"We Support George McCain For President"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 16:32:00 GMT

For our last post about the RNC (thank The Lord Jesus That Watches Over Conservatives for that!), we wanted to show you a video that we think summarizes the feelings on the floor of the entire convention. Those feelings, conveniently, can be melted down to one line: some Republicans are staunch in their support of Bush and McCain, while others just wanted America to forget about Junior...

This video is one in which I, Scanner Brian, must, in the interest of full disclosure, admit I was participant (I got Dennis Hastert to say how much he loved Bush and McCain and to take a sticker-- he was by far the nicest GOP power player we met in the Twin Cities.)

We recommend watching it on YouTube in high quality, but it's not important. Anyway, don't miss the ending, in which Senator Norm Coleman is asked what his feelings are on the Bush legacy:

Q: I just want to know how you feel about the last eight years of George Bush.
A: Well, uh... bleheelyelylelyelyylellelelalalelela... [not an exact transcription]

Also, although it's not in this video, the woman who puts the sticker on her forehead was ultimately completely unable to say why she supported Bush (or McCain) and, in fact, called her husband on camera to ask him for her talking points. ("He says we don't believe in wealth redistribution." Genius.)

Via YouTube.

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Politics Is Makin' Everybody S' Crazy!

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Sloppy Seconds: Levi Johnston's New Tattoo

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

No Wonder Sarah Palin Wants Kids to Stop Reading Books

Emily Farris — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:58:00 GMT

You really can't swing a limp dick around the Interwebs these days without hitting some news about GOP vice-presidential nominee Sarah Palin.

While we're looking forward to the Palin coverage dying down (hopefully along with her popularity), today BoingBoing brings us two wonderful little tidbits: one, the unfortunate cover of this children's book and two, the news that when Palin took office as mayor of Wasilla, AK, she approached her town librarian to find out how she could ban books from the library.

[Former Wasilla mayor] Stein says that as mayor, Palin continued to inject religious beliefs into her policy at times. “She asked the library how she could go about banning books,” he says, because some voters thought they had inappropriate language in them. “The librarian was aghast.” The librarian, Mary Ellen Baker, couldn’t be reached for comment, but news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire her for not giving “full support” to the mayor.

Yes. Because books like "One, Two, Three Pull," can lead to things like teenage pregnancy. Oh, wait, she was concerned with language. Yeah, let's get rid of books so we can have better vocabularies.

[TIME via BoingBoing]

Related:

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck

We're Glad Levi Johnston Took This Opportunity To Start a College Fund for Baby

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:23:00 GMT

Scanner Brian is in Minneapolis-St. Paul this week reporting from the Republican National Convention...

We have to admit our trip to the Trojan Bus near the Excel Center yesterday was not entirely on the up-and-up (no pun intended.)

We heard there were a half dozen hotties flirting with delegates, handing out condoms and buttons, and asking the ladies and gentlemen of the RNC to take some sort of condom test. This, we thought, sounds like Scanner material...

Trojan claims this is not a marketing ploy (you know, buy our condoms and you'll get these hot girls to like you), but rather a booming wake up call about the state of the country's sexual health. Hint: it's in the shitter.

David Johnson, Group Project Manager for Trojan Brand Condoms, says, "The main initiative is to open people's eyes and get them involved in the Evolve cause." The Trojan Evolve Tour plans to visit 60 college campuses in six months. The Trojan Tour Bus will have multimedia stations where students can play games and win the necessary prophylactics for all their sexual needs.College OTR] [

Ah, yes... about those games. What we experienced was basically the Relay Game. If you've read the rules off the sign in the above photo, you've pretty much figured out how that goes, we imagine. If only there was a way to roll a condom over a banana while taking pictures (we never did get the one-hand move down yet-- again, no pun intended), we would have figured it out and presented a full photo essay here. As it is, we think you can use your imagination.

However, here is some visualization, if only of the bus, which has a little ~~peep show booth~~ video booth where students and anyone else off the street can record their own sexual health-related message to America. (Our was going to be something about how it's Wednesday, which means it's Business Time, but we thought better of that...) Note that the story we're referencing in this short and relatively pointless Q&A with the leader of the Trojans is this one.

[Ugh, Vimeo screwed up our video and it's too late to fix it today. We'll update tonight. Here's the basic rundown: we try to get the Trojan Girl to say anything about Republicans or Democrats, but she rightly avoids our dumb questions and sticks to the subject. In any case, we will say this: we're glad a very dedicated group of people of any age are spreading a positive message about condoms. As one of the girls told a delegate as we walked back to the RNC, "One and four New Yorkers has herpes." The numbers, you should know, are almost as bad everywhere else as well...]

UPDATE: Here we go...

Trojan Girl Explains Her Presence At The RNC from Brian Fairbanks on Vimeo.

Follow the tour via Facebook and read more at the Trojan website. By the way, can someone please explain the logic behind the bus "evolution" drawings?

While You Were Sleeping: Dancing With The B-Listers

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach Porn Techniques...

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Obama and McCain Condoms: F**cking Silly

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Last night, we were sitting in the press section at the Excel Center in Minneapolis, wondering if the woman sleeping next to us had been flopped out in that chair since the night before. A woman with a large cup of coffee greeted us while jerking her head up and down. On stage, a droning religious figure mumbled through some sort of sermon. The general vibe on the floor was, "How soon will this be over?"

That all changed when Sarah Palin took the stage. All of a sudden, the arena was jam-packed: the concession area cleared out, the press stopped answering their cell phones, and the crowd was on its feet more often than not. To say Palin was well-received was like saying Hillary Clinton would've been only lightly toasted at the stake. Okay, that sounds harsh, but it was clear that there's a new #1 female American political figure on the scene and that, no matter what happens in this election, Sarah Palin will not soon be forgotten.

With her relentless attack on Barack Obama, Palin proved she has the anger and determination necessary to offset attacks on her ethics, family problems, inexperience, and radically conservative positions. The mood at the RNC went from fear that this was the beginning of the end to "how will Barack-Biden top this?!"

We ran into Ron Paul outside. He said he doesn't know which candidate he'll back... but definitely not McCain.

Palin's triumph was not so much one of oratory or intelligence or originality, but rather of carefully-calculated political maneuverings masquerading as a speech. Kudos to Palin for her many devastating one-lingers. Kudos to her for realizing the soccer mom angle is going to play very well, and playing it up to the max.

McCain could clearly be seen to be glowing with vindication as he took the stage. (He had to come out a night early-- after all, Obama did the surprise appearance thing last week and McCain has never been one to allow a preemptive one-upping.) His advisers were downplaying our expectations for the speech tonight, although that's utter nonsense: John McCain can real knock a public appearance out of the park if he has a script.

And, after hearing Palin's fiery words, we're pretty sure McCain's is going to be packing a wallop...

All photos by the author.

Related:

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck

We're Glad Levi Johnston Took This Opportunity To Start a College Fund for Baby

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:35:00 GMT

The media would love to tell you all about what's going on onstage (boring) or what Sarah Palin fake photos were put up online today (been there, failed that), but we have something better: photos from our day embedded with the locals, the cops, and the crazy Christian pornographers roaming the streets...

The above young lady was dressed as McCain riding a big blue elephant (an elephant sponsored by the oil companies, of course)... here are some other photos from Flickr and other sources that we loved:

Meanwhile, just to throw in some insider gossip: sources inside the convention are telling us that although, at least publicly, Sarah Palin is still defended to the death by the Republican Party, the campaign is considering asking her to withdraw sometime next week. As far as the election and the ballot goes, an RNC point person told us privately that since "we make the rules, we can change them to accommodate a switched running mate."

The change would be announced as due to "family obligations," of course, but the Republicans would release talking points saying sexist and mean-spirited liberals, especially in the blogosphere, would be blamed...

Via Flickr.

Related:

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Scanner Emily's Last Palin Post for the Day (If She Can Help It)

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 18:31:00 GMT

The same cannot be said for Scanner Brian, who is reporting live from the RNC. In any case, we love this video and hate it at the same time. We hope you will, too:

We're Glad Levi Johnston Took This Opportunity To Start a College Fund for Baby

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 15:50:00 GMT

Maybe Levi Johnston—the 18-year-old who fathered the baby that will soon spring forth from the loin of Vice Presidential nominee Sarah Palin's oldest, yet still teenage, daughter—is smarter than we thought.

We imagine his thought process goes a little something like this:

1. Find most famous single girl in Wasilla, Alaska to bang.

2. Bang girl without condom.

3. Support her choice to keep the baby.

4. Make a blog about it when it becomes big news.

5. Put ads on my blog because I know everyone in the world will come to read my statement.

6. Cha-ching!

We mean, we're just guessing:

Talk about turning lemons into really expensive — and busty! — lemonade.

[Levi Johnston] (NOTE: every time a viewer clicks a baby gets its dough.)

What'll Happen to Sarah Palin?

Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 14:12:00 GMT

Not that we have anything against rednecks. We pass the "You Might Be a Redneck If..." test with flying colors — even after eight years in New York. So we're not judging him on the fact that he's a redneck, we're just a little concerned with the manner in which he's letting the world know.

Ladies and gentlemen, may we present to you, a screen shot of the myspace page of the future son-in-law of the woman who might ruin the world for women if she and John McCain are elected:

We can't really even blame the guy for this: he's 18. He's been hit with sudden, er, fame. In fact, we feel sorry for him. We're a little surprised the McPain camp hasn't stepped in to get him to at least remove the profanity, or maybe it's all part of their Republican charm?

When you follow the link to the blog, all asterisks are off!

Wanna know the real story?? I am a Fuckin Redneck!!
This is RIDICULOUS!!

Is this what bringing a new baby into the world is supposed to be like?

First off, my personal life is none of your damn business! Ive created this blog to help clarify the rumors and cheap shots taken by numberous media outlets, blogs, and even close friends.

As I'm sure you are already aware that for the last 48 hours, my life has been hell raised by all of the media attention surrounding Bristols mother, Governor Sarah Palin.

There should have never been an issue that involved Bristol and I; however, because of the attention that Mrs. Palin is receiving, the two of us (and our unborn child) have been sucked into this horrible mess that is weighing heavily on the both of us.

Thanks to the popularity of Myspace, our pages have been made private to protect our privacy and personal lives. We won't be accepting anymore friend requests simply because people are using the info that they find on our pages for all of the wrong reasons. Thanks to all of you who have supported us, those who have made it clear that this whole ordeal has gotten out of hand, and thanks even to the haters out there who think this is going to spoil the opportunities for my (soon to be) mother-in-law Sarah

For all of you who support Bristol and I during her pregnancy, we appreciate the support! For anyone else, leave us alone.

Levi Johnston

We're just trying to decide if he actually wrote this or not. It's fairly well written, though there are a few grammatical slip-ups. The thing that throws us off is the semi-colon. It's almost properly used. Maybe Meghan McCain wrote it and made a few errors on purpose? We used to do that for our little sister all the time.

[NY Daily News: Bristol Palin's pregnancy was an open secret back home]

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 15:09:00 GMT

10:41am: With Hurricane Gustav threatening the Gulf Coast, and New Orleans likely to escape a second major disaster, we're here in Minneapolis, where the Republicans are debating the best way to neutralize reminders of Katrina.

Today is a day off, thanks to Gustav (which some are calling "The Revenge of New Orleans," as in "on the Republicans") while driving through the community colleges looking for bags of cocaine and fat young boys...

Here are some of the rumors we've heard so far from senior McCain staffers, journalists, and local prostitutes:

-Local police raided a house where a few dozen anarchists were holed up, scuttling their terroristic plans to throw urine on delegates and "injure police officers." Seriously. Does anyone actually think this nonsense is going to hold up in court?

-Because there's nothing going on at the convention tonight (everything's canceled out of respect to the possible victims of Gustav), secret underground parties are springing up all over the city. Meanwhile, protesters are not taking a day off, even for Labor Day. They'll be passing by the convention en masse around 1pm Minneapolis time...

-Tomorrow we'll be attending: The Future Leaders Of The GOP Amtrak Train Drinking Party, Sponsored By Patron (you think we're kidding-- this is a real event) and Financial Football: A Day With The Minnesota Viking's Rookie Of The Year Running Back. Shoot us now, please...

We'll be updating this post throughout the day... rumors, lies, and insults always welcome at scanner@nerve.com and check back here for more at http://dailyscanner.com.

If You Can Name Two Funny Republicans, BarackBook Is For You

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Oh, those conservative icons, members of a party known for supporting the arts, free speech on the internet, and Nerve.com. They've really got us guffawing now: how witty, you'll say! "Barack Obama is now friends with Tony Rezko!" Zing! Man, that talking point is sure killing Obama's momentum over the past seven months, let's just beat him to death with it...

Barack is hoping to settle on an Iraq policy before November.

Check out that rim-shot worthy status update, dudes. Remember: it's better to ignore the demands of war and blindly stick with original plan-- we all saw how wonderfully that worked for Afghanistan and Iraq, let's just keep it going! God Bless America Over Other Countries!

(Tongue outta cheek, if you don't want to give the RNC your page views, you can view their hilariously satirical website-- almost as funny as that laugh-out-loud New Yorker cover-- in the screenshot below. Should you have a death wish, click here to peruse.)

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Fox Claims Child Prostitution Will Increase During Democratic Convention

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 16:21:00 GMT

The village idiots running My Fox Colorado have taken the cake this time.

Seth Donovan, director of the Praxus project, said she "isn't sure," but she is concerned the upcoming convention is leading to an increase in pimps and escort services trying to turn kids into prostitutes."

There used to be three calls a month of kids being approached. "In the last two months it's jumped to ten to fifteen youth a month," Donovan says.

Los Angeles police say prostitution jumped there in 2000 when it held the DNC.

Of course, there is almost no mention of a little counter-event called the Republican National Convention: the only line about the RNC is at the very end of the article, and tries its damndest to disguise the fact that this is a partisan attack job on the Democrats in a big swing state. Nope, Fox News isn't interested in fair and balanced news, which would've meant more emphasis on the fact that all major American conventions boost the slave trade.

If Fox can get away with that kind of crap, then so maybe can we. Folks, you heard it here first: Gay Bathroom Sex Will Rise During The Republican National Convention. Hell, that's probably not even a rumor anymore...

Via MyFox.

Scanner : rnc

This Week in Gayness: The Homecoming Drag Queen

Sloppy Seconds: RNC Chair Tells Critics to "Stuff It"

Billionaires For Bush Say Goodbye... For Now...

In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Top 10 Scanner Posts of 2008: Because We Can Never Get Enough Ashley Alexandra Dupre

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

In Case You Missed It Yesterday: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

Top Ten Scanner Posts of 2008

RNC Candidate Produces "Barack the Magic Negro" Song

Al Qaeda Endorses John McCain For President

RNC Delegate, Robbed By Hooker, Speaks Out In Favor Of More War

"We Support George McCain For President"

No Wonder Sarah Palin Wants Kids to Stop Reading Books

Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Scanner Emily's Last Palin Post for the Day (If She Can Help It)

We're Glad Levi Johnston Took This Opportunity To Start a College Fund for Baby

Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

If You Can Name Two Funny Republicans, BarackBook Is For You

Fox Claims Child Prostitution Will Increase During Democratic Convention