Scanner : religious fanatics

Teacher Who Called Creationism Religious, Superstitious Nonsense Loses His Case

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 19:40:00 GMT

Check out this forward-thinking decision: a court ruled today that a public school teacher who casually dissed creationism during a discussion of European history has been found to have violated a student's First Amendment rights. How did a teacher exercising his First Amendment right to offer an opinion impair someone else's First Amendment rights?

You've already guessed correctly, we're sure.

[Student Chad] Farnan sued in U.S. District Court in 2007, alleging that [James] Corbett violated the establishment clause of the First Amendment by making repeated comments in class that were hostile to Christian beliefs.
The lawsuit cited more than 20 statements made by Corbett during one day of class, all of which were recorded by Farnan, to support allegations of a broader teaching method that "favors irreligion over religion" and made Christian students feel uncomfortable.

During the course of the litigation, the judge found that most of the statements cited in the court papers did not violate the First Amendment because they did not refer directly to religion or were appropriate in the context of the classroom lecture.

But Selna ruled Friday that one comment, where Corbett referred to creationism as "religious, superstitious nonsense," did violate Farnan's constitutional rights.

Remember, you might make Christians uncomfortable by calling a stupid belief in stupid creationism "stupid." You will also get sued (and lose) on the grounds that you are not allowed to have freedom of religion if your religion (atheism, say) violates someone else's freedom of religion. It makes sense on paper, but the Irony Police are banging their heads on their desks and Charles Darwin is rolling over in his grave, as he has done every day for the past century or two...

Via Fox News.

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Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not Mine

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 18:26:00 GMT

This video has been making the rounds today. We love it because we love anything that exposes religion for the ridiculous waste of time we know it to be.

Agree or disagree, you have to wonder why Jesus didn't turn deserts into fertile farm land. Or why God is such a jackass with an amusing accent. (By the way, another Biblical highlight from today's blogs.)

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Gah! Don't Let Your Kids Play With Satan's Testicles!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:11:00 GMT

Forgive us for an Easter Bunny photo so frightening, your future grandchild will be traumatized in perpetuity. We were forced to show it due to the seriousness of this situation, in order to draw your attention, much as Strollerderby dramatically alerted us, to What Is REALLY Happening Here In US Americans. Sunday is Easter Bunny Hunting Day, and there will be eggs in your yard, eggs in your trees, eggs in your pants. But did you know these eggs are really... Satan's schweddy balls?

Thank Christ Landover Baptist is on the case and we have their full, dramatic warning for you here...

Are Your Children Playing With Lucifer’s Testicles? is a Christian Bible-based tome that “teaches parents how to easily explain to their children that Easter (as it is celebrated by the Unsaved) has absolutely nothing to do with Jesus Christ but is actually a holiday celebrating lewd and sexually explicit pagan rituals of fertility.”

"Easter Eggs are one of the wiliest tools of the Devil," Daniel Cameroon, the writer of the book declares. "Pagan kids didn't have anything to do on Easter Sunday because their mommies and daddies were stuck in a false temple all day, naked and writhing around with their neighbors in Satanic orgies of the flesh. You see, parents had to come up with a way to occupy their children while they were away from home, praying and fornicating under the altar of Satan. And since they didn't have babysitters back then, they gave their kids eggs to play with and sometimes paint.” He continues to state, "But the reason they chose eggs had nothing to do with any sort of fertility or fertilizers (as some misguided Christian historians would have you believe). Nope, it was because of Lucifer's testicles! Glory to God!”

Strollerderby actually has the damn gall to ask if their readers think Louis Safer's nutsack has been inexpertly hidden in their yards by Hungover Dad. Listen up, SunnyChanel-- if that's your Christian name-- these eggs are indeed the work of the devil. Nothing this delicious could be good for America's decent folk. Leave them in my yard and I will take care of those chocolate salty balls. Amen.

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The Rest of the Week Can't Possibly Top This Mr. T Infomercial

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

This video is so gigantic in its awesomeness, the Scanner homepage cannot contain it. But trust us, it's well worth clicking the Read more... for the video goodness.

We were taken aback by the sight of Mr. T without his chains and gold-plated iPhones, but one YouTuber points out that T gave these up when he decided to become a Serious Christian, which made him somehow crazier.

Speaking of "somehow crazier," how is it possible that the man is, indeed, more insane looking without the chains? Kind of like when Prince became "The Artist," T is only drawing attention to his egomania by suddenly being "too good" for only one of many ridiculous aspects of his personality. In other words, he ain't exactly calling himself Laurence Tureaud in his press releases...

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Monk Sex Scandal Proves Forced Celibacy Won't Work

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 14:46:00 GMT

A reader alerted us to a sex scandal we missed out on: a Thai monk who resigned from his monastery after getting caught having sex, after a wild teen sex and booze extravaganza at his place.

Even weirder: it's a gay Thai monk sex scandal... and you won't want to miss these comments in the Bangkok Post...

Our story starts with an unnamed abbot, the head father/monk in Nakhon Si Thammarat, whatever that is. One night, when his male lover is indisposed for an undisclosed reason, Father Anonymous hosts a large gang of unruly teens for booze and innuendos involving trying to "one-up the Catholic Church." The teens leave, but the next day, there is a large cum stain on the abbot's bed sheets. (We don't even want to get into how weird it is that someone would leave a cum stain lying around-- but then again, maybe they don't have Kleenex in Thailand.)

Assuming the worst-- that this stain wasn't the result of a masturbatory session run amok-- the abbot's lover took him to task, started a fight, got smacked around, and reported daddy-o to the police.

The abbot fled and quit the monkhood to avoid arrest and forced disrobement.

Yes, but he may have enjoyed a "forced disrobement."

By the way, some of the many comments on this story are priceless. Many of these people don't know what "a Buddhist monk" means or what the hell they are talking about.

Do realy anybody in Thailand follow buddist rules. Is it not like that,- if somebody close to you, or yourselves have benefit of it,- you may do what ever you want without breaking the rules?
Big deal. There are sexual affairs going on in monasteries.
[Columnist] Khun Sanitsuda is right. Thai Buddhism needs a major overhaul. However, moaning and groaning about it is not very useful. She should offer constructive idess as to how this can be achieved.
Stop making donations to the monks,they run to buy mobile phones, wigs and run for sex at night.
The human sex drive is as natural as eating food or breathing air. Sexual desire is the reason the world is over populated. The only way to make a man live a lifetime without sexual desire is to surgically his eyes and sex organs at birth
It is really unnatural to let men and women abstain from sex in the name of religion. If you see in Islam the Prophet Mohammad married 12 ladies in his life. Islam never allows religion to overpower basic human instints. This is the reason a Muslim man if can do justice can marry four ladies at a time.

It gets nuttier and more profound, sometimes simultaneously, from there. Read the rest via this link.

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Atheists in Italy Learn That God Hates Them

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Feb 2009 17:04:00 GMT

The atheist bus campaign rolls on.

Its latest victims and champions can be found in Italy, where the city of Genoa was supposed to be rewarded for its long ties to some small religion (it apparently involves worshiping an old kook in a big pointy hat) by facing off with the greatest of all evils: a billboard ad.

This time, however, the controversial slogan went unseen by the brainwashed/enlightened masses, thanks to either define intervention or faulty mechanics...

According to the UPI, the first bus to feature a hotly-contested ad ventured out into the streets this morning, only to be confronted by a dying battery. Within minutes, the public transit vehicle was back at headquarters for repairs, and Catholics (and, well, other religious people) were laughing and praising their Lord.

By the way, this is far from the end of the story. The bus should be back on the streets again soon, having survived only the latest of rounds in a long-running dispute. It originally was going to feature an ad reading "The Bad News Is God Doesn't Exist. The Good News Is You Don't Need Him," a much harsher version than the original atheist bus ad running in various parts of the world ('There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.")

The new bus reads: "The Good News Is There Are Millions of Atheists In Italy; The Excellent News Is They Believe In Freedom Of Expression," which gives the impression we're going out with a whimper... and not with a big bang.

Via UPI. Photo via Flickr.

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Today in WTF: An Iranian Cleric's Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 18:32:00 GMT

Iranian soap opera star Zahra Ebrahmi (seen at right) has been embroiled in a sex tape scandal for more than two years now, with the controversy threatening her acting career and personal freedom.

However, at long last, another sex tape is poised to knock her out of the headlines, one that is potentially more sensational...

The following video is a clip, unfortunately not a very helpful one, offered up by the Daily Beast, of an Iranian cleric committing adultery on an office floor. (If you can find a better, more complete version, please feed us the link in the comments.)

“Nobody saw you come in, did they?” says the unidentified government employee. “Want to do some Nasnas?” Which is Iranian for "wanna bang?"

According to the Beast, this video was leaked during an investigation into the cleric's sex life-- as you know, having a sex life in the Middle Eastern country is considered "immoral," because that would mean people are free to make their own decisions. We'd like to add that the hidden camera is, we're guessing, part of a scheme to blackmail and/or remove a political rival, as was the recent Atlantic City sex tape.

Whatever the reason, this is just a tease... we want the rest, damn it.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A rogue church threatened to publicly broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life after she refused to break up with her secret lover. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.)

A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least dismiss it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore even a cursory mention, even though it's several days old.

Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo...

Sam Mendes says directing wife Kate Winslet as she grappled with Leonardo DiCaprio in the steamier scenes in "Revolutionary Road" was "a profoundly weird experience" - so weird that he couldn't watch it. Instead, he monitored the action on a video... [PageSix]

Prosecutors don't seem to care about our rights. They don't care what the jury decides, either.

A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon fled the country when it was discovered he was powering his SUV with what he'd gleaned off his liposuction patients.

Possibly under the assumption they would lose, the Screen Actors Guild delayed a vote on whether or not to strike.

According to one paper, the economy is not stopping women from spending ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. The "lipstick effect" is in play, just as it was during the Great Depression.

A man tried to get his murder case retried, claiming two jurors had sex with one another and the guards overseeing them were inspired for some of the same. Thanks, M.

And breaking up with Hugh Hefner somehow landed Holly Madison the cover of Playboy.

Vicar Happened to Be Naked When He Fell On the Potato... With His Ass

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

For some reason, this incredible news story escaped our attention. Maybe because it was published on a day we had more important things to worry about...

On Halloween, the Telegraph published a story that began:

A vicar attended hospital with a potato stuck up his bottom - and claimed it got there after he fell on to the vegetable while naked.
The clergyman, in his 50s, told nurses he had been hanging curtains when he fell backwards on to his kitchen table.
He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap, said the vicar, who insisted he had not been playing a sex game.
The vicar had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the vegetable, one of a range of odd items medics in
Sheffield have had to remove from people's backsides or genitals.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll – and a carnation.

Wait, stop right there. We can understand the cucumber (obviously), the deodorant (shapely), even the carnation (we never thought of flowers as automatically phallic or even stimulating, but to each his own-- and you know the carnation incident was a "his"), but how in the Christ-- pardon my language, vicar-- do you fit a Russian doll up your ass?! Was it just the doll's arm? If so, it's an inflatable arm... how could that have been enjoyable? All that plastic and air?

Look at that. The Telegraph's bizarrely unfinished reportage caused us to be distracted from what should have been the lead heard 'round the world: A RELIGIOUS FIGURE STUFFED AN UNCOOKED (?) POTATO UP HIS OWN ASS, THEN CLAIMED HE FELL ON IT WHILE IT HAPPENED TO BE STANDING STRAIGHT UP ON A TABLE, THEREFORE FITTING INSIDE HIS TIGHT BUTTHOLE.

See that's the part that gets us-- his cover story might almost be believable in a giving-him-the-benefit-of-the-doubt sort of way, but he still can't explain why, if the potato was laying on a table, it was able to fit head-first in his bunghole.

Image: We don't remember where we found it, but we've been trying to use it in a story for ages. Our apologies if you were expected a potato there and are very disappointed...

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

The dumbest (tabloid) question of the day: "Does a woman's short haircut mean she isn't interested in sex?"

Hitler was "the perfect boss," according to his maid. We'll, uh, refrain from wishing he was still of this world, thank you very much.

Keanu Reeves' agent must have a mortgage to pay off or something if he's actually considering this...

Movie executives at 20th Century Fox are reaching out to Keanu Reeves to reprise his Jack Traven character for a third Speed film, according to Internet reports.

That shy-weird-studly actor from Twilight is starring in a new movie with Matthew McNulty about the possibly nonfictional love affair between Salvador Dali and Federico Garcia Lorca. IMDB says it is "Rated R for sexual content, language and a brief disturbing image." Let us guess-- Robert Pattison's dong?

The worst show in television history (tied with about a hundred other sitcoms and America's Funniest Home Videos, of course) may make a return, thanks to its star, John Stamos:

Stamos is plotting to reunite at least some of the cast for a "semi-remake."

Cameron Bure tells OK! Magazine, "John has been working on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie Sweeten. We would revive our characters, but today as young women."

Sarah Palin declined to be interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Perhaps because Oprah would ask her if Africa was a country.

And Christian nutjob Rick Warren favors assassination. Thankfully, so far he's only named a foreign leader to his list.

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Now Sweden Has Its Very Own Orgasm Church

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 16:46:00 GMT

A Swedish court handed down a decision last week acknowledging that The Madonna of Orgasm Church (the other Madonna) had a right to registration as a faith organization, which, according to news reports, is some sort of slap in the face to Christians...

Originally, the Legal, Financial and Administrative Services Agency (Kammarkollegiet) had refused the church’s registration application on the grounds that its name may offend Christians.

What, because of the word Madonna? Man, those freaks need to get over themselves.

According to the Skånska Dagbladet newspaper, the idea for the church came to Bebeacua, who is the church’s self-appointed cardinal, after a painting of his entitled 'The Madonna of Orgasm' sparked protests requiring police action during the 1992 World’s Fair in Seville, Spain.

“The orgasm is God, the orgasm should be worshiped,” Bebeacua told the Kvällsposten newspaper.

“The orgasm is the ultimate feeling of lust, it shouldn’t be limited to ejaculation. You can reach it through art or by looking at a landscape and thinking ‘Wow!’”

Bebeacua says his church has a few hundred followers, but we beg to differ: it's more like hundreds of millions, all of whom would probably welcome climaxing via landscape, if only we could figure out how the hell that's going to happen...

Via the Local.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:55:00 GMT

Anti-Prop 8 rallies, in pictures. Meanwhile, grade-A pollster Nate Silver claims seniors are to blame for the initiative's success.

A mother with a five-year-old in Catholic school was forced out of the PTA after it was revealed that she had protested at one of those rallies.

Ellen Degeneres referred to straight man Chris Matthews as "grope-y."

Prince is pissing everyone off these days: his neighbors are upset that he wants them to join his religious cult, while the gays are miffed that he said homosexuality is not okay in God's eyes. Pretty much every blog and media outlet has made the same joke about "how could Prince hate the gays, with the way he dresses-- and that mustache!"

Our favorite story of the week, by far: female koalas in Australia no longer want to mate with males and are having lesbian orgies, with up to five partners, to the horror and/or amusement of everyone.

"In the future, if a gay person in California wants to get hitched, he'll have to do it the way God intended, to Liza Minnelli" - Stephen Colbert

Wanda Sykes is so pissed about Prop 8 passing, she came out of the closet. Speaking of pissed off people-- workers at Focus on the Family must be furious to find themselves laid off after the ministry spent so much money to carry Prop 8 over the finish line.

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Prince Has Something He'd Like to Talk to You About

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:07:00 GMT

We are bursting with the news that Prince has been knocking on his neighbors' doors to spread a message near and dear to his little purple heart.

What could possibly be so important that Prince would put down his guitar and talk to strangers?

The word of the Jehovah's Witnesses, what else? According to Page Six, Jehovah's Witness Prince has to go door to door just like everyone else.

"Sometimes people act surprised, but mostly they're totally cool about it," says Prince. The "When Doves Cry" singer adds that he sees his conversion as more of "a realization. It's like Morpheus and Neo in 'The Matrix.' "

Not gonna lie, if Prince came to our door, we would totally convert, or "realize," or whatever. But only on the condition that he let us try on his clothes and have a photo shoot. For God, of course.

Female Reverend Banned From Preaching After Drunken Swingers Weekend

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Because it's real damn difficult to find a picture of a female in a sexy vicar's costume...

The Church of England has barred the Reverend Teresa Davis from practicing her craft for 12 years, following a tribunal that found her to have violated her vows.

The Reverend made the terrible mistake-- not of going to France and participating in a swingers weekend, not of showing up drunk at her church on a Sunday-- rather, for telling everyone she could get ahold of about all of it...

Mrs Davies was said to have told two church colleagues at a Christmas lunch in 2006 that she and her husband had spent holidays without their children in the South of France, in an area that she said was noted for “the casual exchange of sexual partners”.
The tribunal also heard that Mrs Davies, 37, and her husband had posted under the name “Tess and Mick, Daventry” on swinging websites.

Having sobered up enough to have a moment of clarity, Davies told another member of the clergy that maybe she had said too much. And indeed, although she admitted to the whole thing while facing the London tribunal, they were unforgiving.

The tribunal said: “Clergy who commit sexual misconduct have to be dealt with firmly and in a way which would protect those who could be harmed if the respondent were otherwise allowed to remain in ministry.”
It added that she still had no appreciation of the seriousness of the findings against her, or of the damage caused. [Times Online]

Come on over stateside, Reverend. They'll love you in Middle America...

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Priest, During Confession: "Hey, You Wanna Go Back To My Place?"

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 19:36:00 GMT

A priest in Queens is being sued by a woman he picked up while she was confessing... in his confession booth.

If you think that's choice, wait'll you hear what he did that made her decide to sue his dumb ass...

According to CBS TV in New York, Reverend Elvis (seriously) Elan was preachin' and consolin' at the Our Lady of the Snows Church in Glen Oaks, which is in the borough of Queens, when a woman going through a painful divorce took confession with him.

Laufer says his client, Judith Rodriguez-Lytwyn was vulnerable when she walked into the confessional where Elano allegedly told her, "Your presence struck me like a thunderbolt."

He was so thunderstruck, it seemed, they began having sex and even seeing each other for dinner before the sex. The outrage! Seriously, that's how his flock sees it:

"I can't believe it. You know it knocks me for a loop," said Dan Torpey, one of the church's parishioners. Added parishioner Viola Czajkowski: "I don't see how a priest who took vows could possibly do something like this and have mass every day while this was going on."

Right, but how surprised would you be if Judith turned out to be Jeremy, a seven-year-old choir boy? And, what, this guy should control his sexual urges, as promised? We thought as much. Meanwhile, Rev. Elvis and Judy dated for several months... until...

...her lover sent an e-mail indicating the presence of a sexually transmitted disease he may have gotten from another woman.

Whoops. Reverend Elvis, The Ladykillin' Priest. The rights have probably been snatched up already, with Ron Howard to direct. It'll do 40 mil opening weekend...

Read the rest here. (P.S. Is anyone surprised that the Catholic Church transfered but did not discipline this creep?)

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 15:40:00 GMT

Since I, Scanner Brian, originally hail from the Connecticut farm country, I have been watching with great interest as the rural rednecks, the city bigots, and the pro-gay holdouts react to the decision last week to allow homosexual marriages in the state...

Suffice it to say, so far, the victors have received no free ride...

From the Hartford Courant, which, in the interest of full disclosure, I wrote for from 1996 to 1999, here are two letters to the editor:

The state Supreme Court decision recognizing same-sex marriage in Connecticut [Page 1, Oct. 11, "Free To Wed"] is above all a victory for religious freedom.

Finally, the United Church of Christ, Unitarian, Episcopalian and other churches and religions that perform marriages for gay, lesbian and bisexual couples have the dignity, freedom and equality they deserve.

The government never should have been in the marriage business in the first place. This ruling puts marriage back where it belongs. Now each church can decide for itself!

Sara Ferah, Hartford

Two days in a row we have this front-page splash on the passage of gay marriage and all the elation and celebration. Do not forget, however, that this will not have a happy ending.

God is the creator of happy endings and he will have the last word, not the judges or politicians. When he acts, and that day is coming very quickly, it will make 9/11 and the economic crisis look like a walk in the park.

We, as a nation, have turned away from him and trampled on his commandments for too long.

Helen Ryan, Enfield

There is so much funny here that we won't even bother, but we do have to ask: when are these religious yahoos going to get it? People have been saying for thousands of years that "that day is coming very quickly" and that "the end is near" and yada yada yada... and nothing has come of it. Time to get with reality, folks.

(P.S.: Lee Bolin of the LGBT Caucus responds with kind of a cheap shot: [A hypothetical third letter: Dear Helen: I thought I'd be neighborly and let you know that some drunk has hacked into your e-mail account and is sending out crazy stuff in your name. -- LB])

Image via Flickr. Letters via the Courant.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 13:49:00 GMT

There were millions of people at Rio de Janeiro's gay parade this week.

The Pin-Up Girls do burlesque for the LGBT crowd. We just want to know their tour dates and that is all:

[The Girls embrace] all different types of women. Girl on girl action, these girls make a big splash in the LGBT community. In other words, after a performance, there is not a dry seat in the house. [Lez Get Real]

The Connecticut Supreme Court's decision to legalize gay marriage pointed out the absurdity of gay marriage opponents arguing against the institution of marriage:

The majority opinion summarized their argument this way: "[T]hey asserted that the plaintiffs had failed to demonstrate that they have suffered any harm as a result of the statutory bar against same sex marriage because, under the civil union law, gay persons are entitled to all of the rights that married couples enjoy." Logic like this puts gay marriage opponents in the odd position of devaluing the institution of marriage. Marriage, they end up arguing, is nothing so special that it can't be replicated by a parallel institution--in this case, civil unions. Yet the entire point of creating civil unions is to preserve what is allegedly special about the institution of marriage. There is a pretty blatant contradiction here. [The New Republic]

Gawker wants to know if "fauxmosexuals" are ruining it for gay people? We don't have an answer for them, although we were glad to see someone else point out that Katy Perry stole her song from Jill Sobule's "I Kissed A Girl."

It's important to remember that, even after our victories in the courts, the scum are meanwhile redoubling their efforts. According to a variety of sources, "family"/morals groups have claimed victory in their boycott over the supposedly "pro-gay" McDonald's.

Keep up the good fight...

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Porn and Pasties: We Missed Out

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

"Porn and Pancakes..." "Porn and Pastries..." and the much-less-appetizing "Porn and Parents" (ouch.) Sounds like the agenda for a totally different kind of "#1 porn site..."

Unfortunately, it was a xxxchurch.com event, and an anti-pornography event to boot:

"Porn and Pastries" was part of an anti-porn weekend at the church that included "Porn and Pancakes" for guys and "Porn and Parents" on Saturday, and a "Porn Sunday" today.
Now, he says, his anti-porn site gets 300,000 to 700,000 visitors a month, depending on the publicity it gets.

Porn and Pastries was the first women-only event that the xxxchurch had done, as it stages more than 100 anti-porn gatherings a year, said Gross. [Seattle Times]

Of course, what Gross wouldn't say on the record was that 290,00 to 690,000 of those visitors were surfing for sexy nun videos. XXChurch, meanwhile, attempts to lead web users toward the Lord and away from Lord of the Cockrings. The event, held in Seattle by a Vegas-based Christian, drew hundreds of women, mainly between the ages of 20 and 40, all of whom paid $10 to hear stories of lovers scorned by porn-loving men. The message here: don't let your husbands look at porn or your lives will be ruined.

Although the message on xxxchurch.com's "Get Involved" page can be misinterpreted to encourage porn-loving:

See, if you think about it one way, it's a kind of Jesus Saves (Everyone, Including) Porn Stars... but if you read it the other way...

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Video of the Day: Rachael Ray Corn Porn

Arkansas Televangelist Busted For Child Sex Acts

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 15:12:00 GMT

The leader of a Jonestown-like cult, who once served four years in prison for tax evasion, is in jail again today after being arrested for transporting minors across state lines for sexual purposes. (Warren Jeffs, you've got a friend.)

Tony Alamo, who was celebrating his 74th birthday when the cops stormed his hotel room, who got his start on the streets of L.A. in the late 60s, is believed to have filmed and/or molested a series of underage women on videotape, one of which came forward to accuse him this week. The Feds also removed a group of 10 to 17 year old women from the Alamo ministries headquarters. Alamo, by the way, has said the age of consent is "puberty."

The Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks hate groups, describes the ministry as a cult. Alamo's church rails against homosexuals, Roman Catholics and the government, and Alamo has preached that girls are fit for marriage once they are sexually mature.

"Consent is puberty," he said in an interview with The Associated Press last week from a telephone registered in the Los Angeles area while agents raided the compound. He denied any involvement with pornography.

The rest of the highlights:

1) When Alamo's wife Susan died, he left her body out for six months so mourners could pray for the resurrection he promised them.

2) Bill Clinton wrote in his autobiography that Alamo got involved with a young lady shortly after his wife's death. "Lo and behold, God spoke to him again and told him Susan wasn't coming back after all, so he took her out of the glass box and buried her."

3) Alamo's real name is Bernie Lazar Hoffman. Yep, he was born Jewish.

Via AP.

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Sometimes Religion Makes People Stupid

Ina Maier — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 17:25:00 GMT

At least 50 people in India have gone blind since Friday after staring directly at the sun in the hopes of seeing the Virgin Mary...

According to the Telegraph, believers are flocking to the house of a hotelier, above which a vision of the Virgin Mary has reportedly appeared. This is after the hotelier "had claimed that statues of the Virgin Mary in his house have been crying honey and bleeding oils and perfumes."

Churches in the area have denounced the "miracle", but only after doctors and health care officials approahced the clergy about the harmful effects. Alarmed officials have even put up signs warning pilgrims of the dangers of looking directly at the sun and dispelling rumours of the miraculous image. But so far, to no avail.

We'd write more but we're not sure there is anything else to be said.

[via Telegraph]