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The PETA Empire Strikes Back

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:53:00 GMT

After a huge wave of justified negative press raked PETA over the coals last month, the activist organization has launched an all-out campaign blitch to redirect the attention to animal rights.

The People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals, it was confirmed, is guilty of euthanizing 90% of the animals in its care every year. Ingrid Newkirk's group (of mostly white American women in their early 20s) struck back this week with Audrina Partridge, Mike Ness of Social Distortion, and a wave of nudity worldwide...

In Kansas City, Missouri, two girls dressed as cave people and wielded fake human bones to tell pedestrians and passing drivers that fur is for cave people. That annoying asshole from the Geico commercials had no comment. In a Maryland suburb, two bikini girls were photographed cavorted in a tub full of some sort of red vat, parked across from a McDonald's. In England on Sunday, four girls stripped naked and climbed into a skimpy blue makeshift shower to protest (their belief) that eating one pound of meat is as damaging to the environment as six months of showering.

Following that, the group announced punk rocker Mike Ness had joined the movement and Audrina Partridge posed for a magazine ad in far more clothing than she might wear to a memorial service.

Via KC Blog. [Please right-click and set to open in a new tab/window.]

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Fox News Defines the Slang Use of "Teabagging"

Colleen Kane — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:00:00 GMT

Fox News is just so burned up about all the snickering references to "teabagging" made in the mainstream media when covering tax day's tea(bagging) parties this week.

Fox News had it up to here (their mouths) with the references, so they explained the joke to the protesters and others who had been unaware. Here's Fox breaking it down:

Teabagging, for those who don't live in a frat house, refers to a sexual act involving part of the male genitalia and a second person's face or mouth.

--"For those who don't live in a frat house!" Burrrrn!

Even Anderson Cooper got fratty.

"It's hard to talk when you're teabagging," cracked Cooper with a straight face.

This has been so entertaining, I hope it doesn't end soon. More outrage here.

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Put a Hat on It

Colleen Kane — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 19:33:00 GMT

A big pope hat.

After the hubbub over the pope's recent assertion that condom usage would complicate the fight against AIDS in Africa, Pope condoms now exist.

That is all.

Sloppy Seconds: The Pope Spreads a Little AIDS With His Gospel

Pope Makes Insane Gay Metaphor

Image

World Naked Bike Ride Takes Over the Southern Hemisphere

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 18:02:00 GMT

On Saturday afternoon, naked people took to their bicycles all over the Southern Hemisphere to protest the "indecent exposure" caused by carbon emissions. We're all for this campaign...

Above photos from Newcastle. Top photo from Sao Paulo.

The World Naked Bike Ride 2009 kicked off its first wave of protests in cities like Melbourne, Buenos Aires, Cape Town, and Lima. The Northern Hemisphere events are scheduled for June 13th and already include Krakow, L.A., London, Seattle, Amsterdam, Montreal, New Orleans, and many other major cities.

Perhaps the funniest photo of the day is this one, which doesn't even involve nudity. Check out that sexy pink bike!

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St. Louis Nude Bike Protest Points To An Emerging Trend

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Sloppy Seconds: Women Know When Men Are Turned On

Brian Fairbanks — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 00:01:00 GMT

Life in prison for consensual sex with a 16-year-old boy? That's a big WTF.

North Dakota fired another salvo in the war against the morning after pill and other "abortions": they passed a law stating that life begins at conception.

Speaking of conception, it's the reason a big celebrity couple recently broke up...

Hayden Panettiere's relationship with Milo Ventimiglia apparently wasn't strong enough to survive the always-fun pregnancy scare. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, "The test proved negative but apparently caused friction that sparked the breakup." [The Superficial]

Here's a new way to keep paranoid tabs on your significant other: the Driving Activity Reporter, which tracks, maps, and saves your car's movement history.

Have you heard about the crazy cafeteria occupation at NYU? Two girls decided to take to the streets without their clothes on and Fleshbot has the pictures.

Rihanna has wisely decided to refrain from public comment about Chris Brown. Smart gal.

Two stories left over from earlier this week: the New York Times says women know when men are turned on because the smell of the man's sweat will change.

And, in men, "the part of the brain associated with empathy for other peoples' emotions and wishes shut down after looking at [sexy bikini] pictures."

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

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Billionaires For Bush Say Goodbye... For Now...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT

Unless Jeb Bush runs for Senate in Florida, wins, and mounts a stunning Bush Family-styled comeback for the White House in 2012, it's fairly likely that the Billionaires For Bush will be no more. We counter-protested a 10,000-person strong peace movement rally and march on the RNC last year under the name "Lobbyists For McCain," with slogans like "Loyal to Big Oil," "Proud Bush-McCain Republican," and, of course, "Four More Years."

Well, it ~~worked~~ failed. The unwashed masses voted for Obama, even though our revered corporations and special interests didn't endorse him. And so we begin a new era-- one without Hummers, without tax cuts directed toward the top 1%-- even without gigantic corporate fountains urinating pure Stolichnaya vodka.

With this in mind, the New York Times interviewed the Lobbyists For McCain, i.e. Billionaires For Bush, in Tuesday's paper...

They were getting along just fine, these Billionaires were, when a terrible thing happened.
George W. Bush left office.
It’s hard to be a Billionaire for Bush when there is no Bush. The group might have recast itself as Billionaires for Obama. But that would have required “irony we can believe in,” said Andrew Boyd, who sometimes goes by his Billionaire name, Phil T. Rich.

“Here’s the conundrum,” Mr. Boyd said. “Can you point out that the emperor has no clothes when you like the emperor — and his clothes?”

Not really, although the Daily Show has had plenty of ammunition lately without specifically attacking President Changey Pants.

“I think we were serious about having our brand lose its brand identity,” said Elissa Jiji or, if you prefer, Meg A. Bucks. Mr. Bartlett observed that “it’s not the time for ostentatious wealth.” Even though there are still plenty of potential targets — Bernard L. Madoff and bonus-hungry Wall Street executives, for example — there seems little point going after them when others are, too.

“They’re no longer held in such esteem that they need to be knocked down,” Mr. Boyd said.

For now, the Billionaires have chosen to put away their gowns, toss aside their top hats and leave their badminton rackets in the closet. Soon after the Obama inauguration, a few dozen of them met at a Greenwich Village bar for what Ms. Jiji described as “a last huzzah.” She had “thought we’d be sad,” she said, “but it was very festive.” Mr. Boyd called it a “farewell to arms contracts.”

But bear in mind that “Billionaires never die,” he said. “We just refinance.”

Have no fear about the end of satire in America, though: Plutocrats For Palin does have a certain ring to it for 2012...

Tax Day with an actual pimp, April 2005.

Jolly Robber Barons: the Billionaire Yacht Club during the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, circa June 2005...

Via the New York Times.

Video of Darin Barry, Andrew Boyd (background), and the author from Minnesota Independent Media.

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PETA Takes On Foie Gras, Valentine's Day, Decency Laws

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 16:24:00 GMT

Every year, PETA tries to top themselves for Valentine's Day. Since no one surveys the establishments or companies they protest in order to judge the effectiveness of a PETA-led boycott, there's no way of knowing whether these campaigns are having an effect one or another.

However, there's no denying it makes for a popular local news report...

Sometime yesterday, five PETA protesters took off their tops and covered their bosoms with signs reading "Have a heart -- drop foie gras" and stood in read heels in front of Selfridges, an upscale department/grocery store in London. Selfridges has not joined other fancy-schmancy stores in the UK in dropping foie gras from its stock, apparently believing force-feeding terrorist geese is okay as long as they're tasty. Or something. In any case, they basically blew off the protesters, while photographers, locals, and leering tourists snapped photos of the activists.

The BBC, the Independent, and the AFP have the skimpy story, while we have their photos. (Apparently, these were taken on London Bridge, which we thought was in Arizona these days, but whatever...)

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Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Man Rams SUV Into Planned Parenthood

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 21:10:00 GMT

As you know, it's the 36th anniversary of Roe V. Wade, and this is a day that brings out the fundamentalist nut jobs. In St. Paul, a 32-year-old man rammed his SUV into the front door of a Planned Parenthood, which had zero impact on anything, other than his SUV and the doorframe.

The driver was found chanting and uncooperative after the crash, and police spokesman Peter Panos believes the crash was intentional.

Gotta love a freakazoid who is so "pro-life," yet chooses a protest that endangers lives of people who are out of the womb.

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Today's Topless PETA Roundup

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 16:22:00 GMT

The fact that these topless PETA roadshows are getting fewer and fewer press hits might mean the animal rights group-- which, incidentally, euthanizes 90% of the animals in its care on an annual basis-- is on its last legs...

(Speaking of legs, don't ya kind of wish the girl on he right, whose name is apparently Virginia Fort, was the one half-naked and writhing on the ground? There's a lame and possibly offensive joke about her having a fortified "virgine," a la Borat, but we're too in love with her right now to bother.)

These ladies got in trouble with the law yesterday in Greenville, South Carolina when they should have been at home, worshiping President Obama. Then again, we're pretty sure they didn't get led away in cuffs, so score one for free speech.

On the other side of the world, Sydney, Australia today again proved that it remains PETA's #1 city for naked protesting, with this rather more effective campaign equating carnivorism with, well, cannibalism.

Top two photos via yesterday's Greenville, SC Online-- more here. Sydney photos via Flickr.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Flash Mob Protest

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Here's a program we can get behind: putting the sex back in sex ed.

Kids say the darndest things to Obama. The best one is the kid who says Obama gets to run around like "a maniac" in the Oval Office.

Damn, this Verne Troyer dude has a buttload of sex. Check out the latest story on his escapades:

Troyer, along with one of his randy mates, were at porn baron Hugh Hefner’s Hollywood Playboy mansion in 2005 when he took part in the all-night five-in-a-bed romp with the three gorgeous girls. [He] told News of the World: “I love the mansion and have had some of the best nights of my life behind its walls. I’ve been so many times and it never loses its appeal—but why would it? ...I didn’t just pleasure one Playboy Bunny, I pleasured three. And it doesn’t get much better than that. I watched while they touched each other, then me and my friend joined in. I know exactly how to make a woman feel like a woman. I know the spot, and I’ve got plenty of inches where it matters. I know what women want and it’s me.”

Maybe so, but his vindictive ex says those "inches" are a stretch.

Watch out, guys. In case you didn't know, demanding your wife get freaky with another woman can spell the beginning of the end for your relationship.

Devo is headlining the 2009 SXSW.

Will Bush pardon Scooter Libby and Ted Stevens today? By the way, don't forget that, amidst all this hoopla, today is George W. Bush's last day in the White House, woo hoo!

There was a flash mob protest over the weekend at London's Heathrow airport. If anyone has photographic evidence of the multiple nude incidents, please send them to scanner@nerve.com.

And Terry Gilliam is putting the finishing touches on the final Heath Ledger movie, a job he finds incredibly difficult to push through.

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This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:37:00 GMT

For the ten millionth time in a row, research suggests being gay is not a choice.

Have you heard about the Day Without a Gay? No, it's not some Fred Phelps extraordinary rendition program, it's a pro-gay event on December 10th in which gay people will not participate in the economy.

Next Friday, possibly-gay Florida Governor Charlie Crist is getting married. So, in light of the recent statewide amendment banning same-sex marriage, pro-gay advocates are going to protest and possibly even invade the wedding itself.

We're surprised Michael Phelps went along with A Very Gay 60 Minutes, but he's always been, you know, a good sport. [Watch here]

Linda Harvey is a scary bitch:

"Males need to stop having homosexual sex," said Harvey. "That means, close homosexual hang-outs, especially all bathhouses. Patrol public parks and arrest men having sex in public toilets. Stop sponsoring large public events, like Folsom Street Fair, that allow public sex and nudity. Ignore the screams of the homosexual lobby when officials do the right thing, even for them. Think of the lives that would be saved and disability prevented." [G-A-Y]

If you're a church that financially supported Prop 8, you may be saying goodbye to your tax-exempt status. Yeah, like the government is going to fuck with the churches.

And don't forget Milk is out in theaters, getting excellent reviews.

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Caged Heat: PETA Takes Topless Roadshow To Louisiana

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:20:00 GMT

The People For Ethical Treatment of Tasty Animals has invaded Shreveport, Louisiana, and they have a message for you meat-eating hicks. No, wait, they have a message for you circus-going hicks.

In other news: circuses still exist...

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals staged the event — meant to coincide with upcoming local Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Baily circus stops — at the northwest corner of Texas and Edwards streets.

“Many people were baffled to see what goes on behind the scenes at a circus,” said Virginia Fort, a PETA paid staffer. She said the dozens who stopped to look or take photos was a good turnout.

PETA made a stop Tuesday in Alexandria.

“They shouldn’t treat them bad,” said Jody Abbitt, who works downtown and took photos of protester Christina Dang, 22, of Michigan. Dang crouched in a cage below signs saying animals should be free.

Whom shall they not treat badly, Jody Abbitt? The animals or the protestors? Either way, you're right, Jody: it's terrible to see what goes on backstage-- those poor bikini-clad or topless women are caged and told to visit Louisiana.

Oh, right, naked women are supposed to represent... tigers. Or something. Seriously-- this an, um, pet issue for us as well. Check out the video:

Top photo via KFC Protest (obviously.) Video, story, and additional photo via this link.

PETA Gets Women's Clothes Off Faster Than a $50 Bill at the Bunny Ranch

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While You Were Sleeping: The Black James Bond?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 15:43:00 GMT

What do you Republicans out there think of this site, called Rebuild the Party, which looks at various ways the GOP can get back on track?

Full-length feature films, albeit with a couple of ads here and there, will be streaming via YouTube soon. Say goodbye to $15 movies, guys...

Check out why Melissa Etheridge is our absolute hero today...

Okay. So Prop 8 passed. Alright, I get it. 51% of you think that I am a second class citizen. Alright then. So my wife, uh I mean, roommate? Girlfriend? Special lady friend? You are gonna have to help me here because I am not sure what to call her now. Anyways, she and I are not allowed the same right under the state constitution as any other citizen. Okay, so I am taking that to mean I do not have to pay my state taxes because I am not a full citizen. I mean that would just be wrong, to make someone pay taxes and not give them the same rights, sounds sort of like that taxation without representation thing from the history books.

Okay, cool I don't mean to get too personal here but there is a lot I can do with the extra half a million dollars that I will be keeping instead of handing it over to the state of California.

Could this be the beginning of a new era of protest not seen since Vietnam or, better yet, pre-1776? Let's hope so-- these people need a wakeup call and if taxes is the issue that does it, so be it.

Will an anti-war Senator take over where Joe Biden leaves off? Because we could get behind that...

For those of you who enjoyed the widely-panned first one, Kim Cattrall wants you to know the sequel, which she is all but promising, is going to be a classic.

Daniel Craig thinks the next, or some future James Bond, could be, um, "coloured." We never thought of it before-- but now that we have, there are plenty of great actors out there that would fit that description.

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10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In New Zealand, home of Boobs on Bikes and, apparently, dozens of kiwi trees, a lone believer stands in the cold, alone in his noble quest, and silently holds up his protest sign, desperately hoping he can make a difference. Unfortunately, sometimes these lone believers are alone for that reason-- very few people agree with them.

Case in point, is the heartfelt yet misguided quest of Michael Hayward, 10, who is against nude sunbathing on what his petition calls "family beaches." The problem isn't rampant nudity and sex, nor is it that nude beaches are already illegal (they are not, although Hayward does have a point about their proxmimity to his playground.) No, it's how his petition is worded that has us scratching our heads...

(Note: we won't say anything about his sign-- or the way he's holding it-- or put the kid down personally. We just respectfully disagree with his position.)

The petition opposed a proposed council bylaw under which nudity would be allowed but if nudists' behaviour was deemed offensive it would be dealt with by the police.

Michael and his mother spotted the naked man near McLean Park children's playground this month.

"I was very upset when we saw the man with no clothes lying right where we had to walk past him. It was horrible, I felt embarrassed, I think other children would find it disturbing. It was not something kids should have to put up with." [Stuff.nz.com]

No offense, Michael, you seem like an all right kid, but think about it this way: if your parents had brought you up with the idea that nudity is natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies, then perhaps it wouldn't have disturbed you so much.

By the way, we just want to make clear that our problem isn't with Hayward-- as we mentioned, he's passionate and quite right to be upset by something strange and, to him, unusual. However, it seems to us that, in this day and age, if one kid complains, that's it, an idea is automatically out. This reminds us of Howard Stern being fined a small fortune because one solitary listener out of several million contacted the FCC about a poop joke.

Let's hope the District Council gives him a polite rebuke... or at least allows nude sunbathing away from children. But either way, allowing the police to decide what kind of naked body is "offensive" is just plain foolish...

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PETA: Public Nudity Didn't Work, Let's Try Public Showering...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:52:00 GMT

Some weeks back, we received a press release from at least two different PETA chapters noting their change of tactic: from random street nudity to random street nudity in showers.

Then we heard about a protest in Times Square on August 21st and so we waited. And waited. For photographic evidence, of course. Finally, they have started to spring up by the dozen...

Ah, yes, it's one of those anti-global warming, save the planet naked protest movement things. Not that we're complaining...

Ah, the man who likely appears in every photo ever taken by a tourist in New York City, the Naked Cowboy. Wonder why the ladies don't seem super thrilled to have him there...

We were waiting around, hoping for better photos, but this is what's available, so deal. We think you get the point anyway: these girls don't want your 1 Lb. of Meat. You can take that pound of meat and shove it.

And so on.

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This Week In Gayness: The Saxon Warrior Lovers

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:20:00 GMT

A Maryland appeals court overturned a law that would've hurt protections put in place to help transgender people.

Billie Jean King does not support Sarah Palin, whom she calls "honest" and "real," and continues to lend her name to the Obama campaign.

An Ohio Church trashed Katy Perry for her UK #1 single by saying on a billboard: "I kissed a girl and I liked it... Then I went to hell." Perez Hilton posted a photo of that homophobic church's sign defaced: "God Adores You." Think about it: G A Y.

Those heathens: didn't they know about Don't Ask, Don't Tell? Two male Saxon warriors from around 466 to 1066 AD were found arm-in-arm in their grave. (Well, they couldn't just fall down dead that way in battle...)

A lot of people thought this was a joke, but it doesn't surprise us at all: there's a website called Gay Chubby Dating. And yes, it's a service.

While the rest of the country is starting to head toward the side that's winning, Florida meanwhile supports a ban on gay marriage, 55-45. (Or, if there's a vote on it, by 7 votes.)

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Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:35:00 GMT

The media would love to tell you all about what's going on onstage (boring) or what Sarah Palin fake photos were put up online today (been there, failed that), but we have something better: photos from our day embedded with the locals, the cops, and the crazy Christian pornographers roaming the streets...

The above young lady was dressed as McCain riding a big blue elephant (an elephant sponsored by the oil companies, of course)... here are some other photos from Flickr and other sources that we loved:

Meanwhile, just to throw in some insider gossip: sources inside the convention are telling us that although, at least publicly, Sarah Palin is still defended to the death by the Republican Party, the campaign is considering asking her to withdraw sometime next week. As far as the election and the ballot goes, an RNC point person told us privately that since "we make the rules, we can change them to accommodate a switched running mate."

The change would be announced as due to "family obligations," of course, but the Republicans would release talking points saying sexist and mean-spirited liberals, especially in the blogosphere, would be blamed...

Via Flickr.

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RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 16:22:00 GMT

Scanner Brian is in Minneapolis this week for the Republican National Convention...

Day Two at the RNC was, for the most part, a much more subdued affair, even more so than the shortened Monday night. The reason you aren't hearing about as much violence or as many protest marches is, according to one activist lawyer, because the city is stalling the court procedures against those already in jail.

"They only went through two cases, both misdemeanors, in the several hours I was [at the courthouse.] Bail was... $750. They're going to drag this thing out..." In other words, the city is going to quell the violence by keeping the violent protesters-- and anyone else picked up in march-related sweeps, such as a woman who had been pushing a stroller-- out of the public eye.

Meanwhile, Republicans increasingly found themselves on the defensive as Joe Lieberman rescued what was becoming a rapidly disappointing convention...

First, George Bush spoke via video link. A rumor going around the convention had said he would actually make a surprise in-person appearance, but that was never the plan-- as one McCain campaign worker told us, "we wanted to keep the President as far from McCain as possible." It didn't work-- most of the news in the paper today is about Bush's speech and how supportive the two are of each other, even after the bitter 2000 primary campaign.

Bush's speech, as expected, continued his longstanding practice of using 9/11 as a political weapon:

"We live in a dangerous world," Mr Bush told delegates in Minnesota.

"And we need a President who understands the lessons of September 11, 2001: that to protect America, we must stay on the offence (sic), stop attacks before they happen, and not wait to be hit again.

"The man we need is John McCain."

Of course, Bush's certainty about McCain's "readiness" for office, as he calls it, completely contradicts his campaign's position eight years ago, during which the current President attack the Arizona Senator for being too much of a loose cannon for the highest office in the land. (A former POW agrees... watch the video here.)

Lieberman's speech, meanwhile, was well received by both delegates and a media looking for a story other than a negative one about Sarah Palin:

He called Obama "a gifted and eloquent young man" with a promising future. "But eloquence is no substitute for a record - not in these tough times," Lieberman said. He pitched a special appeal for McCain votes to independents and Democrats, saying his is "the real ticket for change this year."

"I'm here, as a Democrat myself, to tell you: Don't be fooled," Lieberman said.

While Lieberman has angered Democratic leaders, they haven't been able to do anything about it.

Lieberman, who describes himself as an Independent Democrat, endorsed McCain for president on Dec. 17, 2007, when his friend was struggling for a comeback in the campaign for the Republican nomination. McCain called it "a courageous act."

At the time, Lieberman was asked whether he was concerned about Democratic punishment for his defection to the GOP candidate. "I'm the 51st vote," he said, smiling. [Seattle Times]

We saw the poor guy take a coffin out of the back of this vehicle and carry it in two different marches. We were very disturbed by this-- not necessarily in the wrong way, though.

Meanwhile, at nearby Mears Park, the Poor People's Economic Human Rights Campaign rallied peacefully (and even quietly), serving up free vegan lunch buffets, hosting live radio interviews with homeless residents of Minneapolis, and generally trying to take it easy after the unrest that was Monday.

While we were standing at the edge of the park, getting ready to head to the convention, and just before the PPEHRC march was to begin, we were suddenly surrounded by riot cops (i.e. "stormtroopers), all of whom were wielding batons and racing around us at top speed. A young man of perhaps 18 to 2 years was opening his backpack when the cops swooped in; as he looked up, a trooper lunged forward and shoved him hard. The man's head appeared to hit a large rock along the bank of the brook as he went down, hard. Before we could rush to his aid, we were almost instantly surrounded by hundreds of protesters, all of whom began chanting: "The whole world is watching!" Cameras came out and everyone tried to get a good look at the injured kid. It was too late-- there were far too many people...

We'll leave you on a positive note... Rage Against the Machine was not permitted to play their surprise concert during Monday's rally... so they took matters into their own hands...

[We can't yet embed the YouTube video because their site is down, but here's the link. Keep trying, they'll be online soon.]

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week...

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 15:21:00 GMT

We'll be embedded most of this week with the Lobbyists For McCain, who claim to be the real power behind ~~George Bush's~~ John McCain's campaign. Of course, it's a satirical group of people that don't support McCain and think lobbyists-- and money-- have too much influence in our government. They are technically nonpartisan.

While thousands of protesters either stabbed cops, broke windows, or more likely walked peacefully, the L4M mainly stood off to the sidelines and kept everybody laughing and generally calming the atmosphere made all the more tense by the presence of Darth Vader dudes with batons...

At first, almost everyone got the point-- it's clearly a joke (see above sign)... then, the Democrats-- the scary, scary ones who have megaphones and think if you scream chants, interesting or not, you will somehow change minds-- got wind of what the Lobbyists For McCain were up to. At that point, the anti-RNC march we were "counterprotesting" had made a loop in front of the Convention Center and headed back toward the Capitol area. At this point, as far as we know, few arrests had been made. (We just heard, at 1:17am Minnesota time Tuesday, that more than 200 arrests have been made, mainly cases of anarchists breaking things and allegedly attacking cops.)

Among the highlights:

-getting screamed at by smelly-- and by that mean that we could actually smell them and it was painful-- anarchists who didn't get the joke... and even when they were informed it was satirical, they continued to scream

-the older woman who shouted: "Why don't you get a decent job?"

-doing a song and dance in front of the literally-crumbling ice sculpture of democracy

-the huge piles of unused counter-protest posters made by the pro-war people

-standing above the parade in a skywalk and the silent reactions (middle fingers, applause, laughs) to the Lobbyists For McCain posters ("Four More Years!") from the thousands passing below

-we had set up in front of a group of totally silent pro-war Republicans with identical posters and were holding our signs (including "Don't Change Horsemen Mid-Apocalypse") up among theirs to make it appear as if we were in agreement with them. A woman affiliated with one of the anti-war march's organizing groups got right in front of us and tried to yell over us. When she said, "Yes, we can" we shouted, "No, you can't" right over her. Finally, as it became clear to us that she was the only person who remained clueless about the real point of Lobbyists For McCain, with the Republicans literally patting us on the back and the protesters laughing as they went by, we finally walked up directly behind her and started chanting:

"You don't get it... you don't get it... you don't get it..." to the applause and cheers of the crowd until she finally went away...

Among the lowlights:

-Toby Keith played the State Fair, which had nothing to do with why the Fair kind of sucked.

There were political people out by the tens of thousands... one guy called me a "cocksucker" for "deceiving him" by claiming the L4M are McCain "supporters." Meanwhile, the guy running the McCain booth, which we were "coincidentally" standing in front of, raced out of into the walkway to shout, "Hey, you're infringing on my right to free speech!"

Of course, this was hilarious since we were a good eight to ten feet into the pedestrian walkway in front of his booth. Johnny: "Yeah, meanwhile a hundred thousand people are getting sealed up in protest pens and you're worried about your booth." "Yeah, yeah, yeah."

There are sure to be more ridiculous stories from today's (Tuesday's) events, especially with the RNC presumably moving into full swing.

Lobbyists For McCain Take On The Minnesota State Fair.

Meanwhile, the real lobbyists were ignoring the hurricane and partying it up, supposedly off the radar, with the band Hookers and Blow. Classy!

Related:

Against Our Better Judgment, We're Reporting From The RNC This Week

Top photo by Mike McGregor. Others via Flickr.

Sophie Monk Has A KFC Relapse

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 15:41:00 GMT

Sophie Monk, former Baywatch co-star with/protege of animal rights activist Pamela Anderson, has been busted committing the worst kind of celebrity hypocrisy.

This scandal is so monumental, it would be like seeing Michael Jordan leaving a Foot Locker wearing a pair of Reebok's in 1991. Okay, maybe we're joking around, but check this out: Monk posed nude for PETA in 2007 and said:

"I think the message to KFC eaters (is that) you should think about what you're eating. If you're eating deformed animals that are being induced by hormones, you know, it can not be good for you."

Well, Miss Monk, you appear to have fallen off the wagon. What do you say to Kentucky Fried Chickenshits, those who gobble down god-awful-tasting, god-awful-for-you, god-awful-for-the-world meat from their establishment?

Anyway, when we were going back to being carnivores after brief stints as vegetarians, we never, ever have cravings for KFC. Not even now, years later, would we touch that total garbage. So why would Sophie Monk risk the wrath of a batshit crazy and super-vindictive operate like PETA, just for a drumstick?

Top photo and link via news.com.au. Second photo via the Deceiver.

National Topless Day Is A Gigantic Success

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 19:09:00 GMT

The GoTopless.org event we told you about last week was a grand success on every level except perhaps for media coverage. You could say there's been a coverup... or not decent exposes... or... or...

Well, thanks to Flickr and other outlets for pervy photographers, we have all the evidence we need to determine the level of triumph these fearless ladies earned by saying "F-U" to the cops, the public, and chauvinists who don't understand what the term "equal rights" means...

Kid, in a couple more years you're gonna realize this is the best moment of your life.

The above photo is from Venice Beach on Saturday, where locals turned out in droves to watch... an even larger crowd participate in the protest...

The below photos are from roughly three hours earlier in Central Park, where a much larger assembly marched across 59th Street and gathered for a victory party...

We'll be updating this with news stories, should any appear. Seriously, was there a media blackout (or should we say "media black tape") over this story? What, just because you're not like us and can show nudity doesn't mean you can't talk about it in print, people!

More images via Flickr.

Related:

Expose The Cover Up-- This Saturday At The National Go Topless Day

Scanner Highs And Lows: Let's Protest Anyone Who Protests Packages & Boobs

Nude Beachgoers Run Rampant In The Streets... As A Protest, Of Course

St. Louis Nude Bike Protest Points To An Emerging Trend

75 Nude Bicyclists Rally Around Dad And His 3-Year-Old

Naked Olympians: Cyclist Rebecca Romero

When The Folks Are Away, New Hampshire Teens Party Naked

75 Nude Bicyclists Rally Around Dad And His 3-Year-Old

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Picture this: you're a cop in Vancouver, Canada. You have your doughnuts and your Molson Ice (or whatever it is you Canucks think is sooo awesome) and you're sitting there at your desk in the small city's proportionate precinct house, when all of a sudden...

...75 naked bicyclists swarm the station like a flash mob chained at hip, chanting and hollering at you for following orders...

It seems a nude bike ride turned chaotic when it was pointed out that a three-year-old boy was present and that his father was planning on taking both their clothes off. Event organizers got involved, the police were called, and the man agreed to keep the kid's underwear on. Sure enough, he was pulling a fake out, and the kid was seen riding around in the buff. Cops swooped in, the organizers pointed out the "perv," and he and his son were hauled away.

But it didn't end there, according to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

The father was arrested at the scene of the bike ride under public nudity laws.

Schmidt said the boy was in tears as police took him and his father away, and the arrest prompted the group to cycle through downtown Vancouver to the police station.
"The leaders of this event do not support what the guy did," one cyclist who declined to give her name told The Canadian Press. "I think that's wrong. The kid's a minor."

[Constable] McGuinness said it appeared the man afterward regretted his actions.

"When they were leaving (the scene) it was under the understanding that perhaps he hadn't shown the best judgment; there were a number of people that took offense to the child being naked in the group and subjected to people's scrutiny," she said. [Seattle PI]

Yeah, we don't think he showed the best parenting skills when he ripped the kid's clothes off in public... or when he decided it was okay to have the kid see naked people in mass numbers. (See, it would've been okay if the kid was to being around a lot of naked people-- but we're guessing this was the first time he was forced to take his clothes off in front of strangers. Speaking for ourselves, the whole thing would have made us ill at three years old, for sure.)

Via Flickr.

Related:

Expose The Cover Up-- This Saturday At The National Go Topless Day

St. Louis Nude Bike Protest Points To An Emerging Trend

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

Hallmark Gay Marriage Cards: Political Heroism Or Plain Greed?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 13:55:00 GMT

We understand Hallmark is a business-- in the entertainment business, if you will. That's why we almost understood their use of the word "queer" as a punchline in a greeting card (it actually wasn't as bad as all that.) But are their latest wedding cards cynical, because they waited for the cultural tide to turn in favor of gay marriage before they had the guts to mass produce them?

Here's the full photo ABC News has of the card due out soon:

For those of you with eyes even worse than ours, the card reads: "Two hearts. One promise." Hell, we wouldn't be surprised if people walk past it in the greeting card aisle without even picking up on the fact that both cover characters are wearing tuxedos. Of course, this doesn't mean Hallmark has been able to slip this one past the crazies at the American Family Association, which pressed "SEND" on their instant, fill-in-the-company-name boycott press release fax machine:

Hallmark Greeting Cards has announced it will begin selling same-sex wedding cards, even though same-sex marriage is legal in only two states. The purpose, they say, is to satisfy consumer demand. It appears that their purpose is also to push same-sex marriage. Last year Hallmark began offering "coming out" cards - as in "coming out of the closet" -- a euphemism for announcing homosexuality.

We've all given or received Hallmark Cards – remember their slogan – "when you care enough to send the very best." But promoting same-sex marriage for profit is not the very best for families or our nation. [If you're looking for a link, sorry, we don't give out page views to hate sites - Ed.]

As various media outlets have already pointed out, the Hallmark cards are a step forward but also not even offensive to gay marriage opponents-- after all, the language is neutral, meaning there's no mention of "marriage" or even "gay butt sex." For all the AFA knows, these cards are for "commitment ceremonies," which probably wouldn't shut them up but maybe would keep a boycott from succeeding.

What do you think? Should Hallmark be praised or condemned for these cards?

Image via ABC.

Related:

This Week In Gayness: Man Gets 150 Days For Being Accessory To Gay Murder

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna-Guy Ritchie Separation

Doctors Shocked To Learn They Can't Reject Gay Patients

Scanner Highs And Lows: Let's Protest Anyone Who Protests Packages & Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:02:00 GMT

We figure, what with all the topless women running around the site this week, we're going to offset it with some ridiculous Speedo action... and the following stories...

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole has figured out how to trap men. Luckily, this post didn't say anything about marriage...

A nationwide rally reminds us women are allowed to go bare-breasted in public in this country. As one reader put it, who besides Fred Phelps is dumb enough to disallow this behavior?

More naked Olympian dudes, please. And any excuse to show Daniel Radcliffe in the buff is fine by us.

We have no problem saying a repeat pervert harassing women at work deserves some pain-- unless he wants it, of course.

Michael Phelps, you may be awesome and you may be entitled to any mermaid you want, but stay away from the redhead who's in "The Little Mermaid" Broadway show, okay? We called dibs months ago.

And we celebrated the opening of the Erotic Heritage Museum, where this blog will hopefully end up someday...

LOWS:

This guy wants women to go topless... in his office. By the way: he's a married father of two and the women who wants to go topless are the teenage interns at his job as a New York State Assemblyman.

Googlers in Kentucky and Virginia are very interested in sex, but not the pretty kind, we don't think...

Floridians, meanwhile, are too concerned that a bigoted asshole gets away with his crimes to be Googling "lesbian sex."

We kinda wish these mean ol' debate coaches had overseen the lives of those "Spellbound" kids-- now that would be a movie!

This could also be a high point in our week-- the story of a couple that got tasered and jailed and their wedding night, then repeated the joyous experience the following evening.

Expose The Cover Up-- This Saturday At The National Go Topless Day

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:01:00 GMT

The ladies behind GoTopless.org are putting together a gargantuan nationwide protest honoring the Constitutional right to bare breasteses...

Here's the lineup for Saturday's events, all of which begin at noon unless otherwise noted:

LOS ANGELES: Venice Beach "Where Navy Street meets the sand" on the board walk
NEW YORK CITY: Central Park: Merchants Gate at Columbus Circle (59th Street at the corner of Central Park West and Central Park South), right by the giant Time Warner Mall
MIAMI: South Beach meeting time 12:30 PM -- 7th and Ocean Blvd across from News Cafe. Look for the topless women:))
CHICAGO Lakefront (across from Buckingham Fountain)
HAWAII: Honolulu and Hilo Big island
AUSTIN, TX: Hippie Hollow Park
BERKELEY, CA noon to 1pm Sproul Hall on the Mario Salvio famous "free speech" steps
SANTA FE, NM 1-2pm Alameda Park between Guadalupe and Sandoval
OMAHA NE "Heartland of America Park" near Downtown Omaha, Nebraska, and the parking lot is between Capitol Ave, and Douglas St. on 8th St. a link to the map is as follows. http://maps.google.com/maps?source=ig&q=41.25859%2C-95.926609 (starting time is not noon but 3PM for Omaha.
BLOOMINGTON, IN at the sample gates on campus at Kirkwood and Indiana
DENVER: (on Aug 26) at the door steps of the Presidential Democratic Convention.

Spiritual leader "Rael" says the event will raise awareness that the 14th Amendment, that pesky old footnote indicating we're all equal under the law, means women can go bare-chested if men are permitted to do the same. Some judges have-- gasp-- read this well enough to realize it applies to the cases of women who are arrested or ticketed for baring their breasts.

Thanks, Karen F.!

Jim Beam Peeping Tom Ad Too Naughty, Even For Australia

Boobs On Bikes Rides Again, Despite Violent Anti-Violence Protests

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

Boobs On Bikes Rides Again, Despite Violent Anti-Violence Protests

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Steve Crow, local porn king and former mayoral candidate, rode through the streets of Auckland today in style-- triumphant style, complete with victorious adult film stars, motorcyclists, and a plethora of topless women...

They were met by 100,000 people, many of whom heard about the ride due to the recent publicity, i.e. major controversy. Up until a few days ago, it seemed as if the ride might not go through, until an appeals court ruled restrictions placed on the event would have to be lifted. Crow, who organizes the yearly event, put out an APB on the decision and tourists, participants, and protestors arrived in droves...

Crow told reporters they would avoid confrontation by warning "the girls beforehand to keep the jiggling to a minimum and not to do anything that would be deemed offensive." However, an egg thrown at the fearless leader narrowly missed a cop, which caused some temporary pandemonium while the protestor was located.

One man shouted at Mr Crow, asking him if he was a pervert.

Mr Crow replied he was not a pervert, he was comfortable with who he was and what he did, and it was the man on the sidewalk who was the pervert.

While the crowd was predominantly male from all age groups and professions, many women also watched the parade.

Other activists, who said the parade and the pornography industry promoted violence against women; they had to be cleared from the streets at several intervals so the parade could continue.

More photos here.

Stories and photos here, here and here.

Our previous story, about the possibility the parade would be cancelled, is here.

Related:

New Zealand Party Poopers Move To Shut Down "Boobs On Bikes" Parade

German Female Olympians Form Close Bond, Immediately Pose Nude For Playboy

Maxi Mounds And Her Boobs Break Guinness Record...

Nude Beachgoers Run Rampant In The Streets... As A Protest, Of Course

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:29:00 GMT

The city of Vancouver, BC, was overrun yesterday by naked, aroused, fast-moving hippies who violated our decency laws and represented one massive offense to God.

Well, at least, that's how some could look at it. The rest of us will just enjoy the photos and perhaps even donate to the cause... you mean you didn't see that coming?

This was all part of the 12th Annual Wreck Beach Bare Buns Run (type that ten times fast), held to raise money to preserve the local nude beach and fight off developers looking to set up peepholes (i.e. buildings on the cliffs above.) Spokesperson Judy

Williams says that celebration will continue on Aug. 23 with "Body Acceptance Day" so "people can start discounting body shame that they're raised with."
Ten-year-old Kevin Kunimoto says he'll be back to do the run again next year. "I just wanted to see how it was," he says. "I ran all by myself."
Occasionally, the epithet 'textile' was uttered during the event. That's the word the beach buffs use when referring to those in clothes.
Registrar Judy Ellery says people come from all over the world to take part in the run. "Last year, we had a whole family show up from Hong Kong," she says. [The Canadian Press]

We'll be there next year, for sure, because there weren't too many great snaps from the event (at least not yet online). But these should give you the general idea...

More about the event here.

Germans And Poles Are At It Again...

Apparently, A Naked Woman Is Automatically Lewd And/Or Erotic Now

Nine British Women In Beach Bust After Oral Sex Contest

Does the Nude Beach Have Wireless Internet?

Today in WTF: Roman Beachgoer Scandal

Today in WTF: Waterboarding Ride At Coney Island

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 17:08:00 GMT

Would you take the "Waterboarding Thrill Ride" at Coney? What about if we gave you a dollar? What if we gave you two dollars?

Not to worry (unless of course your skin is "nonwhite" and you are, for any reason, in any foreign country), you will never actually have to be subjected to what we now refer to as the Christopher Hitchens treatment. This is one "ride" that humans will never have to take...

"Waterboard Thrill Ride" beckons a sign along with cartoon character "SpongeBob SquarePants" who appears tied down and exclaiming: "It don't Gitmo better!"

The public can peek through window bars and feed a dollar into the slot to bring the robotic dolls into action...

All right, not a terrible idea for a protest, but we'll stick to the Cyclone and "Harold and Kumar": Gitmo's just a little too scary to witness, even with machines in place of what could easily be any of us...

Marion Tracey, 57, from New Jersey, said she found the installation disturbing. It made her think of her father who had nightmares after returning from World War II. "In all wars, horrible things happen," she said. "I'd rather not see it."

Alex Soto, 23, said he thought it was a good thing for people to learn about waterboarding, but he added: "It is pretty twisted."

Thanks, Mr. Understatement. Via Reuters.

St. Louis Nude Bike Protest Points To An Emerging Trend

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 13:41:00 GMT

We pointed out a recent nude bike protest against global warming, thinking it was a one-off thing by a couple of kooks. Who knew that it's actually been taken up by 70 cities... and has been an annual event since 2004?

Oh well... at least we were finally alerted to the photos on Flickr...

Hundreds of cyclists pedaled through the mean streets of St. Louis, Missouri Saturday night in a bid to raise awareness of alternatives to SUV's and high gas prices. ("You mean besides siphoning gas?) The ride began in a local park under the watchful, leering eyes of the bemused public, then continued for "16 kilometres," which is apparently an ancient unit of measurement.

St. Louis police were on hand to ensure the riders wore the bare minimum, which included thongs, pasties, loin cloths, bathing suits and even body painting.

However, officers didn't seem to notice one rider wearing nothing but a pink derby hat.

Pink derby hat! If anyone finds a photo of this participant, please send it along...

Story via AP sources.

Photos via Flickr.

Related:

Nude Bicyclists Protest... Global Warming?

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

Bob Dylan Sees The Chimes of Freedom Flashing

Here's A Promotional Idea: Park A Hot Tub Full Of Naked Women In Your Storefront Window

Newly Leaked Video Shows More Police Brutality Against Cyclists

Crush of the Week: Biker Who Protested Wal-Mart... By Taking Off Her Clothes

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 15:45:00 GMT

The Consumerist alerted us to the sort of story we eat up: basically, anyone messing with Wal-Mart...

Here's what ReachHigher said on the BikeForums site about her brush with the poorly-paid brainwashed yokels the run her Virginia-area Wal-Mart. First, she rode her bike four miles to buy CD-r's, depsite her disdain for Wal-Mart's union busting, sweatshop labor, and intra-company racism and sexism (okay, we're all about helping your local community, but maybe borrowing some blanks from somebody else or ordering from Amazon would've been a valid move in this case.)

ReachHigher arrived to find no bike rack outside. She decided that since her beat-up bike cost $600 to replace, she couldn't risk losing it and so walked it into the store. (Apparently, this is a common thing in some places, although it would get you tackled and hospitalized in any city we've ever lived in.) An elderly employee (is there any other kind at Voldemart?) grabbed her by the arm and told her to ditch the bike. A manager backed the employee up, first saying that bicycles were sold in the store and therefore this one-- even though it wasn't sold in the store, looked old, and was clearly the customer's-- couldn't be allowed inside. The manager tried a variety of tactics before inspiration struck ReachHigher...

I asked her if they also sold shirts in the store. She said yes so I took off my jersey and said well then I'd better not bring this in either. She got kind of flustered and said that it was a different situation but couldn't explain why. So I said that if they also sold shorts in the store that I'd better not wear those in either and I took off my shorts. Same goes for the shoes and sunglasses. Now I'm standing there in my spandex and a sports bra and I ask here if I can leave my things behind the customer service counter where they will be safe until I finish making my purchases and she said that I couldn't come into the store without shoes on, to which i responded "but I certainly can't wear shoes into the store because you sell those here and someone might think I've stolen them." She threatened to call security if I didn't leave so I told her that I would never be coming back to that store again and that I was glad I hadn't driven there since the gas to go four miles was probably more expensive than what her underpaid employees make in an hour.

Her expression when the shirt came off was absolutely priceless...I was pretty tempted to take off the spandex too but I wasn't sure what constitutes indecent exposure in Virginia...

Here's the Getty Image the Consumerist chose for our girl. We'd like to think it was a match, although it doesn't really matter-- regardless of her looks, this girl is still our silly, strange, proud, fierce, and crazy Crush of the Week.

Via the Bike Forums and the Consumerist.

Top photo via Flickr.

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