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Heidi Montag Endorses McCain; Alarmed GOPers Head For the Hills

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:45:00 GMT

After she endorsed, Spencer Pratt reportedly said, "Nobody cares who Heidi Montag is going to vote for." But could she actually swing the youth vote away from Obama? After all, the Obama-McCain election is going to come down to a handful of votes.

Okay, we're kidding. She ain't gonna do shit. And besides, we have more important things to discuss...

Obama has narrowed Clinton's 26 point lead in Pennsylvania to a mere five points in just three weeks. Some polls have shown Obama with a stastical lead, which we find very difficult to believe since we expect Clinton to win PA no matter what. (And yet other polls shows him still about 10-12 points behind, which is at least progress for the Illinois Senator.) Meanwhile, Slate has set up a Deathwatch on the Clinton campaign, which gives her a statistical 9-percent chance of winning. Ouch.

However, the news isn't all apocalypse for Hill. According to Political Wire, the Senator Who Moved to New York fares better against Grandpa Moses in three major swing states:

Florida: Clinton 44, McCain 42; McCain 46, Obama 37
Ohio: Clinton 48, McCain 39; Obama 43, McCain 42
Pennsylvania: Clinton 48, McCain 40; Obama 43, McCain 39

In other news, retiring Republican Senator Chuck Hagel is dangling an endorsement over Obama's head, for which Obama will probably consider him for the Vice Presidency. While we think this would be a great way for the Democrats to neutralize McCain, the chances of Hagel running against a friend from his own party are extremely slim.

Image via Gawker. Why do her boobs look so much bigger in the above picture?

Opinion: Al Gore, John Kerry, and... Oh No, Not Again

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Why do the Democrats do this to themselves? They always stubbornly ignore the warning signs and pick the candidate least likely to win a general election, whether it's a monotonous vice-president (Gore) or an ultra-liberal blowhard from Massachusetts with zero crossover appeal (Kerry, Dukakis.) In all those races (well, except maybe in '88 after Gary Hart blew it by getting blown by someone other than his wife), there was a candidate who appealed to core Democratic values and could actually win a general election.

This primary battle is not so simple. On the surface, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama agree on more than enough issues to make them equally fitting candidates. But it's the electability issue that is being ignored, particularly in Ohio and Texas, that should have been the #1 deciding factor in yesterday's primaries, plus the key #2 deciding factor, should have given us different results.

The #2 deciding factor? Whether voting for a certain candidate prolongs that candidate's inevitable defeat. As the New York Times pointed out:

Even before the polls closed, Mr. Obama’s aides said that given their lead in delegates over Mrs. Clinton, it was not possible for her to catch up with in the few remaining fights left.

This has nothing do with Hillary Clinton. We love Hillary, but she cannot win this contest and should not even have been in the race on Tuesday. Newsweek, regarding McCain having secured the nomination last night, said this morning:

[McCain] knows that the fierce rivalry between Obama and Clinton—which is likely to continue through the Pennsylvania primary on April 22 and could potentially last until the final primary in Puerto Rico in June—opens the way for him to define the terms of the fall campaign. That's what happened to John Kerry in 2004. In that election Kerry actually secured the Democratic nomination in March, but stayed silent while the Republican machine branded him a flip-flopper—waiting for what one of his aides called the "regular campaign season." By the time of that summer's Democratic convention, Kerry had been painted into a corner from which he never emerged.

Do we really want that again? Handing the Republican nominee a free ride till the last minute? Both candidates being equal, how about just ending this thing today and putting all our resources into trouncing that flip-flopping, liberal, smug, wrinkly, droning, war veteran of a Senator. (No, not John Kerry, you silly. McCain! McCain!)

And if you want to argue that this was a clear victory for Clinton, let's have a look-see at those exit polls first, shall we? Let's make sure this wasn't just a victory for the Republicans, as Politics1 mulls:

[As] both Texas and Ohio are open primaries, conservative radio talk show host Rush Limbaugh urged GOP conservatives on Monday to cast primary ballots for Clinton in order to prolong the Dem nomination fight.

As if you need anymore evidence that this is helping the GOP. Bottom line: this isn't about Obama or Clinton. They're both great Senators and good Democrats (although far from solid progressives.) The point here is to win-- we have to come together as a party, as a country, and unite behind a candidate we can believe in who can also win the whole shebang. That candidate is not-- you can ask Republicans, independents, and centrists, the key three groups that will decide the November vote-- going to be the Senator from New York.

UPDATE: Slate has a great story this morning on Bugs Bunny vs. Daffy Duck. Guess who is who?

Clinton's Got the Mojo, But Obama's Got the Hot Dog

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

And so we've come to yet another crossroads in this campaign. Today's the day that four key states vote: Texas, Ohio, Vermont, and Rhode Island. Two are no brainers (Obama = VT, Clinton = RI) and two are toss-ups, tied when you even out the polls, although the most recent numbers point to a clear favorite to come up on top today.

Here's a rundown on the recent news so you can more expeditiously return to reading about elfin porn:

Ohio: A must win state for Hillary. She's ahead by between 4 and 16 points, depending on which idiotic pollster you take seriously.
Texas: A must win state for Hillary. She will likely lose either the popular vote or the delegate race or both. Either way, expect the media to focus solely on the popular vote winner, even though the delegate count is much more important. (To explain: like everything else in Texas, the electoral system is crazy. There's a regular popular vote, plus a caucus, and the caucus winner will probably get the most delegates out of the state. Lost yet? Obama will win the caucus vote, but the popular vote is going to go down to the wire, like New Mexico did, and we may not even know the winner until tomorrow. Right now, most polls show a narrow lead for Obama, which should translate to something of a draw in the numbers, but a chance for Hillary's spinmeister's to shoot off a press release about "momentum.")
Vermont: Obama is expected to win easily here. Neither campaign is putting much effort into the state besides a few campaign offices.
Rhode Island: Clinton will win by between four and nine percent.

Unless the media spins the story from today as being a Clinton comeback, it will remain nearly impossible for Clinton to roll back toward the nomination. Obama is just too far ahead in the delegate count.

It's hard to fathom a more important political story today, but the trial of Tony Rezko may be right up there. Reports of Obama's involvement with Rezko, who is under indictment in Illinois for some good ol' extortion, money laundering, and fraud, could be very damaging to his campaign if the Senator can be linked to any wrongdoing. From yesterday's Times (UK):

Buried on page 59 of the indictment is a reference to one of many alleged kickbacks on a state contract that appears to have ended up as a $10,000 donation to an unnamed "political candidate".

The kickback was allegedly arranged by Antoin "Tony" Rezko, a Syrian immigrant who became a powerful political fixer in Chicago. The "political candidate" who benefited from the $10,000 has been identified as Barack Obama, the Democratic contender calling for "change we can believe in" in the presidential race, who is said to be a longtime friend of Mr Rezko. If that does wind up to be the case, with Obama actually being named as the actual "political candidate", it will be a political earthquake.

[Photo: New York Times]

Caption This: Huckabee's Got His Wife On A Thin Rope

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:10:00 GMT

Hasn't this woman suffered enough?

See if you can best the captions already posted via Shakespeare's Sister.

Campaign Manager--"Nooses are offensive, so let's use a lasso to degrade your wife."

It was all fun and games until Janet Huckabee realized the next step was Chuck Norris going kung-fu on her.

Come on, you guys can do better than these!

Jack Is Back (And Maybe A Little Too Late?)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This excellent and attention-grabbing ad for Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign was released over the weekend. But was it approved by the campaign? It does not have an FEC tag at the end, nor does it say anything about the message being endorsed by the Senator's committee. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the media as the day unfolds.

In other celebrity political news, Hollywood actresses are spending more time in Texas than any sane person ever should...

Perhaps the actresses Melanie Griffith and Eva Longoria Parker will be more on message than [Jack Nicholson, says the New York Times.] They’re set to appear at a town hall event with Mrs. Clinton in Austin, Texas, on Monday night, the eve of the primary. The campaign will show the event live at its Web site, and 700 people are expected to be in the live audience.

All right, folks, it's time for a recap of celebrity endorsements:

HILLARY CLINTON:

Marla Maples, Jenna Jameson, Melanie Griffith, Eva Longoria, Paul Newman, Danny Devito, and Jerry Springer.

BARACK OBAMA:

Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks, Jamie Foxx, Robert De Niro, George Clooney, John Legend, Jessica Alba, and the rest of the cast of the will.i.am music videos.

We know we're missing some of the biggies. Who else?

In the meantime, check out this new video (are we done with Obama videos yet?) from will.i.am, with more A/B-list celebs superimposing themselves over Barack Obama's dignity:

Choose Your Own Adventure: Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:31:00 GMT

We didn't have time to draw up an Obama vs. Hillary "Choose Your Own Adventure" cover (it's Friday, it's cold, we're drunk, choose your own ~~adventure~~ excuse), so this classic Mellencamp one will have to suffice.

As for the promised "Choose Your Own Adventure: 2008 Democratic Presidential Primary" edition, well, you'll see what we mean...

Forbes has a new chart/game/thingy called: "How Can Obama or Clinton Win the Nomination? You Decide!" Basically, players enter random percentage totals for the upcoming primaries into boxes. The site then tabulates the delegate count and shows, well, how Obama is going to win.

Yep, unless you enter large and unrealistic numbers for Hillary Clinton in most of the upcoming contests, including places she will lose big (such as Vermont), you can see how selfish it will be for her to continue the race much longer, especially after Texas and Ohio on Tuesday, where the race is tied.

Check it out here. By the way, I chose the adventure where Mellencamp meets Willie Nelson at the North Pole and gets the giant bong hit of Alaskan Thunderbolt and has crazy visions of little pink houses for you and me... for you and me, baby! It was pretty good but you had to be there.

Obama + Hillary = Love At Last Sight

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Damn. Talk about a dream (boat) of a ticket.

Can you imagine the genius babies that would come out of these two? We're not even talking about the legislation as co-presidents (plus Bill to complete the love triangle!) Stranger things happen every day in politics, people, so we wouldn't rule out an Obama-Clinton love affair. And this video all but proves it's been going on... right... under... our noses.

[Thanks to CamPain 2008]

What's Wrong With Barack Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Barack Obama on his choice of boxers or briefs: "I don't answer those humiliating questions. But whichever one it is, I look good in 'em!"

Democrats have gotta be happy with their two strong primary choices, but what they may have missed in all this is why the party is so divided: neither candidate speaks to them on all the issues.

While it would be great to have a nominee like Barack Obama who appeals to lifelong Democrats, centrists, and even some right-wingers, it's a shame he can't use his momentum and relative inevitability to refine those positions that are at odds with that of the party's base, especially when it comes to health care.

Paul Krugman famously attacked Obama's plan in a New York Times op-ed:

Mr. Obama claims that people will buy insurance if it becomes affordable. Unfortunately, the evidence says otherwise.

After all, we already have programs that make health insurance free or very cheap to many low-income Americans, without requiring that they sign up. And many of those eligible fail, for whatever reason, to enroll.

An Obama-type plan would also face the problem of healthy people who decide to take their chances or don’t sign up until they develop medical problems, thereby raising premiums for everyone else.

Ralph Nader, during the barrage of press appearances this week to celebrate the announcement of his candidacy, attacked Obama as being "pro-corporate" and the "the first liberal evangelist in a long time." He also had unkind words for the Senator's views on Israel-Palestine:

"He was pro-Palestinian when he was in Illinois... Now he's supporting (right-wing Israeli policies that thwart progress toward peace in the Middle East)."

People aren't going to choose Nader over Obama because of this, but disillusionment could set in if voters learn just how much they disagree with him. However, if Obama can stay on the left side of the spectrum, starting with supporting flat-out universal healthcare, he may be able to unify the Kucinich, Edwards, and Clinton voters and prevent any chance of spoilers like Mr. Nader to again throw the election to the Republicans.

[Photo: The Onion]

Everyone Attacks: Obama and Hillary

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 19:44:00 GMT

The world is on the warpath against female politicians today. There's the Mayor in Oregon who was, um, "stripped" of her office (their words, not ours) after posing on a fire truck in her skivvies.

Last night, Tim Russert foolishly tried to mock Hillary for not knowing the name of Putin's successor-- foolish since nobody else knows it either. Apparently, the Cleveland debate came off as a bad Saturday Night Live sketch-- and that was just how the Clinton campaign saw it.

McCain's opening act kept referring to Barack Obama by his Wonkette name ("Hussein! Hussein! His name is HUSSEIN!") to the point where McCain had to take the stage and put the guy down with a bodyslam. And you thought the general election was going to be pretty?

In another sign the ugliness is still in full effect, a Pennsylvania man stabbed his brother-in-law during an argument over which Democrat they should support. Let's be glad that two states with very few gun owners (Texas, Ohio) are next on the docket. Oh. Right....

The web was abuzz with the rumor that President Clinton (the first one) said, "Vote for me" in a slip-of-the-tongue. That would have given Obama (and other detractors) a lotta ammo against the Family. Thankfully, it turned out to just be this realy confusing blog entry... and not too far from the truth.

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton's campaign is going negative on Obama, which is helpful to both of them. Negative campaigning is an Election Year strategy staple of Bill's, lifted from the mind of Republican guru Dick Morris, and has always worked for his own Presidential campaigns. Obama, on the other side of the coin, needs to learn how to take the punches and go on the offensive himself, something he is reluctant to do because he made it this far while remaining positive and avoiding almost all wars of words or preemptive attacks. It remains to be seen whether a candidate can win a competitive primary while coasting through an opponent's barrage of negative attacks.

And for the first time in this election cycle, the people are giving in to the electability issue.

What does all this mean? All this infighting in the Democratic Party has let McCain take the national lead in both matchups (eight points over Clinton, four points over Obama.) Lefties should hope that whoever loses the contests on March 4th will drop out and instantly endorse their opponent. After all, if McCain's numbers go up in a week where he is accused on the front page of the New York Times of cheating on his wife, then we're all sinking in a big pile of horseshit...

Speaking of McCain's cheating, it at least got him one bit of good news: a Lindsay Lohan "endorsement."

[Photo: Dana Edelson for NBC -- how is it that Amy Poehler can make anybody look hot?!]

Hillary Clinton is the New "Black"?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:00:00 GMT

We did a boatload of stories involving Tina Fey yesterday, but none of them covered her bizarre endorsement of Hillary Clinton on this weekend's Saturday Night Live. The following clip had the desperately dull Clinton talking points... the desperately evasive non-attacks of Barack Obama (by not saying anything, that is)... the desperate comedy and that uncomfortable Hillary Clinton cackle. Okay, maybe not the last one, thank God. We digg 30 Rock and Tina Fey, but the video is just sad, hopeless, and represents the worst case of politicking on SNL we've ever witnessed.

If Elvis Costello can get banned for this, maybe Lorne Michaels will ban endorsements of doomed Presidential candidates who are supported only because of their gender?

Previously: Tina Fey for Oscars Host 2009!!!; Celebrities Make Us Feel Better...; Video of the Day.

You've Lost That Loving Feeling

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 16:30:00 GMT

This is the moment that Hillary Clinton believes will turn the tide of the primaries?

This morning, her campaign chair, Terry McAuliffe, sent out an e-mail message with a link to this video, calling it "the moment of the debate."

Seriously, people, this is why she cannot win this election or any other: if you turn the sound off, you can see right through anything she says. Does anyone truly think, both candidates being relatively similar on the issues, that Hillary Clinton is the better candidate against Senator John McCain?

Post-Debate: Clinton Broke, Nasty, Strong, Brilliant, Possibly Winning

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 14:00:00 GMT

The early word on Thursday night's debate is that Hillary Clinton very much stayed alive, although for how much longer?

Below: a wrap-up of the volleys fired last night, as well as meditations on where the race goes from here. (Also, did anyone actually watch this "brawl"? Anyone in Texas or Ohio? We'd love to hear what you thought...)

Your talking points for last night's debate in Tejas...

-Boring

-Obama did not seal the deal in any one moment and basically didn't do anything new to close the deal

-Hillary had the evening's finest zinger and, really, it's only one. Following Obama's humorous attempt to deflect questions about his lifting of a line from a Governor Patrick speech, Hillary had the quick rebuttal. She called his campaign, and that response, "Change you can Xerox." Zing! Wait, remind me what Xerox is again... we have these newfangled ink jet printers that run things off for us.

-She must have worked on her closing for days, if not weeks, for its one of her finest moments since her announcement a year ago. “The hits I’ve taken in life are nothing compared to what goes on every single day in the lives of people across our country." John Edwards much? (Speaking of Edwards, she mentioned him a bunch of times. Does this mean she is more or less likely to receive the North Carolina Senator's endorsement?)

-The New York Times summed up the feelings of those looking for KO from either side:

Maybe we were expecting too much — an intergalactic showdown. Instead, it was more of a chess game, with each side moving forward and occasionally knocking off the other’s pieces. Instead of ending in checkmate, they ended with a hands-across-the-water moment.

In summation, we got the impression Hillary survived to fight another day, while nonetheless missing out on causing Barack to make that race-changing slipup about supporting gay child molesters or having done blow out of a stripper's bunghole with Teddy Kennedy. She needed that and, without it, the race is still Barack's to lose. He has cash to burn on ads in the next primary states, while Hillary's TV visibility will have to be of the free-publicity variety: her campaign is already broke again.

And Hendrik Hertzberg on the New Yorker blog made it clear what she's up against. Which is, um, the imfuckinpossible:

If Florida’s votes are counted but not Michigan’s, then Clinton needs to carry Texas, Ohio, and Pennsylvania by 59 per cent to 41 per cent, or 17 points, in order to match Obama’s vote totals. And if results from both Florida and Michigan are excluded, she needs to win by 62 per cent to 38 per cent. Margins like these do not seem within the realm of possibility.

We'll leave the last word to ABC News:

If all you're doing as a voter is making a judgment based on this debate, it's easy to come away supporting Clinton. But that's not how the election works -- the fact is Sen. Clinton was looking for ways to recast the debate tonight, and we didn't get that.

Photo of Clinton (top): Getty Images / AFP

Photo of Obama and Clinton: Michael Stravato for the New York Times

Prediction: Tonight Will Seal Obama's Victory

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 19:30:00 GMT

The media is already starting to talk Obama vs. McCain, which basically means they've turned their backs on any possibility of a come-from-behind victory by Hillary Clinton on March 4th.

Tonight's debate in Austin, TX, which is closed to the public, is where Barack Obama will lock up the nomination... or fall apart under some withering, Clinton-style attacks. So Hillary hopes. As long as Obama escapes unscathed, he should be unstoppable in the upcoming contests.

Note that while Clinton can still win the nomination, it is basically impossible, given the delegate count and the way the numbers should play out. Clinton would have to win Texas, Ohio, and Pennsylvania by ginormous margins to remain viable; however, she has almost zero chance of winning any of them that way. She'll be lucky to come out on top in Texas, where the score is believed tied. Texas is a caucus state and Obama has won almost all of those contests. Ohio should be prime Clinton turf, but no one will be surprised by an Obama win. And while she may win Penn., she's not going to be able to catch up on that victory alone.

Should Obama win 2 or 3 of these prizes by large margins, look for Billary to throw in the towel in the interest of preserving the Democratic Party. As it is, McCain is already stealing the spotlight without even trying...

[Photo by Matthew C Wright, thanks to Andrew for the link.]

John McCain Believed To Have Had An Affair 8 Years Ago

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 05:01:00 GMT

Wednesday night, the New York Times finally broke the news of John McCain's affair, which it had been sitting on since at least December. Sources close to McCain have basically confirmed the story is true.

Just a few months ago, this "rumor" was believed to have been unsubstantiated, but it appears now that the Times just chickened out after pressure for McCain's attorneys. No one is entirely sure why they chose to run the story now, although it does give plenty of traction to the McCain campaign's new talking point: the New York Times is trying to bring down the Republican nominee, merely a day after he basically ended any discussion of a Huckabee comeback.

From the New York Times story, as it was on the NYT blog last night:

"In interviews ...two former associates said they joined in a series of confrontations with Mr. McCain, warning him that he was risking his campaign and career. Both said Mr. McCain acknowledged behaving inappropriately and pledged to keep his distance from Ms. Iseman. The two associates, who said they had become disillusioned with the senator, spoke independently of each other and provided details that were corroborated by others.

"Separately, a top McCain aide met with Ms. Iseman at Union Station in Washington to ask her to stay away from the senator. John Weaver, a former top strategist and now an informal campaign adviser, said in an e-mail message that he arranged the meeting after 'a discussion among the campaign leadership' about her."

More on this potentially damaging bit of news, which features a photo of the lobbyist (certainly a dead ringer for his wife if there ever was one), click here. For another angle, check out the story that broke the story.

[Photo: Free Republic]

Man Claims He Had Sex With Obama In 1999

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 01:24:00 GMT

We're warning you now, this video is creepy as hell. And probably a total fraud, since the guy is way too rehearsed and completely unemotional. (Why is he even telling people this and why is he blabbing now?)

Larry Sinclair, who doesn't even bother to explain how he came to even meet then-State Rep. Barack Obama in Chicago in '99, has filed a lawsuit against the Obama campaign for infringing on his right to free speech. He seems to be doing a pretty good job of running his mouth in the above YouTube video, which has been viewed by hundreds of thousands and is being rightfully ignored outside the gossip blogs.

Obama, meanwhile, is looking into rumors that Hillary Clinton's staff has been in contact with Sinclair recently. Of course, they won't find anything and if they do, they would still have to keep it to themselves, lest the MSM (the Mainstream Media, 'scuse us) pick up on it and damage his chances in the next couple days.

In other Obama news, he is looking like a big winner in Wisconsin today and might even pull off an upset in Texas on March 4. Stay tuned... and please post comments on anything you hear on this developing story.

And the Backlash Begins...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 17:11:00 GMT

We know CNN is not exactly known as the bastion of right-wing talk TV (that would be The Colbert Report, of course), but they also are at a loss for words after blabbing about Hillary-Obama for so long. So now, the head dunce himself, Wolf Blitzer, brings us one of the most obnoxious, preposterous, and offensive political stories since the one about George Bush blowing himself in 1984.

But there's always a backlash against a backlash and, as Average Joe says on Crooks and Liars, some people are forgetting their Black History Month:

So, what’s wrong about rallying around someone who actually had a vision[?] I remember another great man who had a vision: something about love thy neighbor. Boy, if we’d only have listened to him.

LiberalNmoderation adds:

These people are truly grasping at straws now…and that to me is a damn good sign!!!

With one day until the Hawaii and Wisconsin primaries, and Hillary Clinton on the attack, Obama needs all the good signs he can get... especially when the media is turning against him...

Will Hillary Have to Drop Out?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 20:15:00 GMT

After getting trounced last night in the so-called Potomac primaries (Sweet Virgina, District of Columbus, and the State Where They Filmed the Wire), the buzz this morning on the political wires is that not only does Hillary Clinton appear to be fading fast, but she might not even make it to the convention floor for a showdown.

First, the Associated Press reports that superdelegates are already starting to reconsider standing strong for Clinton. "Their loyalty to the first couple is on shaky ground."

Next, the guy who ran Bill(ary)'s '92 upset win endorsed Obama today. And Hillary's deputy campaign manager quit, as well. AND the Governor of Puerto Rico endorsed Obama. This is crucial because PR goes last in the nomination process and Hillary is 10 points ahead there.

And... and... and. Well, we won't lay it on too thick. The point is: at what point does Hillary admit to herself that she cannot win and that staying in longer in the hopes of yet another comeback is only going to bring down the party?

[Photo: Free Republic]

Barack Obama Has Sent You A Valentine

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 14:00:00 GMT

Actually, the Republican National Committee has sent you a Valentine. But most of the Valentine's on GOP.com are pretty harmless, and even Dems (especially rival Dems) can laugh at the above e-card and the others that follow...

We could really care less about stealing these from the Republican Party and we know how brutal our commentors can be if we even suggest readers go to an external, evil website. So here they are... well, the good ones at least:

The other two are really unfunny. Like, Leno with writers unfunny. But, if you must: gop.com.

Caption This: You're About to Meet Obama

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 16:00:00 GMT

So, you're about to meet Obama... and instead of sticking your hand out, you decide to... stick a camera in front of your face? This whole camera phone culture has really gotten out of control. You're about to meet the man with a good chance of being the first black President or Vice President of the United States and you just snap a photo of him? I'm sorry, but you're not worthy.

Anyway, what do you think these people are saying? And what is Obama, who we can't really see, thinking?

[Photo: NY Times]

Open Thread: Did You Throw Away Your Vote?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 23:11:00 GMT

Stop being so cynical. Just go and vote, damn it. And then come back and tell us what you saw, experienced, and had to put up with from people crazy enough to work for the Board of Elections. We're going to keep this thread open as long as it takes, people. Fight it out, talk it out, or just take it out on somebody else that things aren't going your way. And then let's all have angry sex tonight because we didn't get what we want: Chuck Norris, Vice President.

We'll be posting updates throughout the day...

7:00am - Heading to rally for John McCain at Rockefeller Center in Manhattan. Nosferatu, aka Rudolph Giuliani, will be the main attraction.

7:06am - Funny Quote For the Day: "Hillary's going to win. It was set in 1988 to go Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton, Bush, Clinton, Fireball, Dragon, Armageddon. Everyone gets a fiddle and a lighter." - Jeff Kreisler

9:00am - That means it's 6am at all polling sites in the continental US, so time to get up and vote. Now.

9:01am - Fox News calls the Presidential election for Mitt Romney. Their "scientific" exit polls project Mitt wins all 72 states plus Compton.

9:03am - This is almost too eye-roll-inducing to believe, but apparently Hillary Clinton bought an hour of TV time last night for a Town Meeting. Where did she buy it? The Hallmark Channel.

9:08am - Reuters has a good overview of Hillary Clinton's amusing appearance on Letterman last night. She made a joke about being the one "who wears the pantsuits" in her White House.

9:12am - Here's the link to the two-part YouTube clip of Hillary on the Late Show.

9:28am - For more detailed info on statewide vote closing times, delegates, and a couple of recent poll, click here.

10:47am - McCain is speaking live to some more geriatric dudes in West Virginia. It's on CNN or on cnn.com, if you can find a working video link.

11:30am - great Flickr photo here. Thanks to Tony for the link.

11:32am - A Ron Paul supporter is on WNYC in New York right now talking some gibberish about Taiwan and China. These people will say anything just to get that dope's name out there for another fifteen minutes. Yawn. By the way, the caller said he wouldn't consider voting for McCain. Do we think these people will sit the election out and let Hillary slide through?

11:54am - From Hotline on Call: "At VFW Post 2866 in conservative St. Charles County, MO, voters were lined up outside before polls opened at 6 AM local time to cast their ballots. Since doors opened two hours ago, a steady stream of voters have braved chilly rain to participate in this bellweather state's primary. Election officials estimate that over 40% of this precinct's 3,000 voters will turn out today."

12:15pm - GOP is in ruins... hounds eat the corpse of Dan Quayle... Duncan Hunter colonizes Uranus... a desperate Mitt Romney talks smack about Bob Dole on TV. Anybody wanna bet he quits tomorrow?

12:34pm - A couple of stories are floating around about Obama backtracking on his plan to decriminalize marijuana, which he said he supported during his 2004 Senate campaign. Hillary is against legalizing pot. Ugh-- is this really the kind of change we need? What's the difference, on any issue, between any of these two and McCain?

12:55pm - Not inspired yet, you armchair activists? Don't miss the excellent photos of primary happenings around the country, updated frequently on Flickr.

1:05pm - Hotline on Call reports on some more annoying and useless polls that show Hillary leads 9-8 statewise (Arkansas was not included) and McCain is up 10-4 over Romney. But it's all moot now, right? Because we're going to throw everyone off by writing in Donald Duck on every ballot, aren't we?

1:41pm - Today's Huffington Post blogs include Alec Baldwin taking some of the frustration caused by the writer's strike and dumping it on McCain and the genius clip artist David Rees points out that while Obama supported a 2006 amendment to ban cluster bombs in civilian areas, Clinton actually voted against it. Oy vey.

2:52pm - Governor Mike Huckabee won the GOP primary in West Virginia today, taking all 18 delegates. It seems the anti-McCain vote defected to him instead of Romney, a huge upset. Unfortunately for him, this is a weird state and does not reflect any sort of national trend. But you never know-- maybe the call will sound across the country that the GOP wants Huckabee.

3:20pm - Busted Tees is having a Super Tuesday sale at this link. It reminded me that I wish Stephen Colbert was still running. Imagine Obama's victory margin with the spoiler Stephen vote.

4:30pm - "In Georgia, where voters are now required to present photo identification [under a totally racist new law], wait times in some areas were as long as 90 minutes because for the first time in a major election, poll workers had to compare IDs against computerized registration records." (Everything Alabama)

5:57pm - Just got back from voting (see post: "Live from the Bk") and things are really tense out there. The spinmeisters are on CNN and MSNBC talking about how a McCain-Clinton matchup would allow someone else-- they disagree on whether Bloomberg might be one of those someone else's-- to jump in and sweep to November. We're hearing reports of bizarre voting predicaments, not just in New York, where the State is being sued for failing to comply with the Help America Vote Act and replace the machines it's had since the Garfield Administration. People in Chicago voted at a hot dog stand because... well, we're not really sure. There were photos on Flickr of people voting in what appeared to be a dormitory laundry room. Craziness.

6:02pm - Hearing rumors that Kucinich is endorsing Obama. Will this help or hurt Obama? More importantly, will it make any difference at all tonight? (Note that the Kuch said Obama should be everyone's second choice in Iowa.)

6:06pm - CNN is screwing the pooch and saying "an early exit poll" (whatever) gives Obama a 47-46 lead.

11:44pm - Obama speaking, live on most decent news channels. He did not do as well as his supporters would have liked, but better than anybody would have thought a week ago. It all depends on how the media spins this. And California.

12:06am - Chris Matthews on Mike Huckabee: "He's now the second man in the race, and he was the third man in this race."

12:50am - Here's what we have for state-by-state winners:

DEMOCRATS

Barack Obama won: Alabama, Alaska, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Illinois, Kansas, Minnesota, Missouri, North Dakota, Utah [13 states, plus likely winner in New Mexico]
Hillary Clinton won: American Samoa, Arizona, Arkansas, California, Massachusetts, New Jersey, New York, Oklahoma, Tennessee [9 states/territories]
REPUBLICANS:
John McCain won: Arizona, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Illinois, Missouri, New Jersey, New York, Oklahoma [9 states]
Mitt Romney won: Colorado, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, North Dakota, Utah [6 states]
Mike Huckabee won: Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Tennessee, West Virginia [5 states]

Live from the Bk: Obama Moves in on Hillary's Turf

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 22:36:00 GMT

It's been a long day... and we've only just voted now, as the sun was going down in our poor Brooklyn neighborhood. For the first time in the six years we've been here, there were wait times to vote, even at 3:45pm, a notoriously dead time.

These people were waiting in line for centuries to vote. One of the Obama supporters outside (we have yet to see a single Hillary supporter in New York City today) told me several of the precinct's machines went down (or never went up) this morning and that a lawyer had to step in. Quite a few of the voters came back later in the day and got to vote, quite a few did not.

Paper ballots, optical scan anyone?

After a long, long time of wrestling with our conscience, we decided to vote for this guy:

[Photos by the author.]

Report: Bill and Hillary Did It In A Voting Booth

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 17:01:00 GMT

"I feel good," Bill Clinton said. Asked whether the race would continue beyond today, he said "I don't know. I just wanted to get it on."

Bill and Hillary were in an elementary school in upstate New York, where they are both carpetbaggers. Bill at first tried to corner one of the oversized teachers, but eventually had to settle for his wife.

In other news, Obama voted in Illinois, Romney voted in one of his states, and Huckabee is sleeping one off.

You think I'm kidding about Bill and Hillary doing it in a voting booth in Chappaqua? You cearly did not hear about what happened just after that, on the wild suburban streets.

Hillary: If I Don't Win, I'm Going to Cry Really Loud

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 22:27:00 GMT

Bill cries, Chelsea probably cries (herself to sleep at night because we won't take her calls), and-- big surprise-- today, Hillary cries.

Today, at some random event at Yale, the former Future President of the United States watched her lead in just about every state slip away. (Are you at all surprised to hear Connecticut is one of them?) Sitting on stage, Bill's wifey gets ready to rock the house while listening to an intro from Penn Rhodeen, one of those crazy "feminists" who plotted to overthrow the government and install socialized medicine back in '72. Rhodeen got all nostalgic, then ol' Hill got all choked up, and Rush Limbaugh nearly crapped his pants at the ratings bonanza.

The rest of us just got ill watching. And we have to say, although we are not exactly against Senator Clinton winning tomorrow, we're getting real tired of hearing about every whirlwind of emotion she goes through. The people at Fox News are uncovinced at her sincerity, depsite Ann Coulter's so-caled "endorsement." Some of the comments on the story are brutal, some are beautifully brutal:

Poor Hillary. Maybe she can get an endorsement from Kleenex. I don’t believe her for one minute. She will do what ever she thinks she needs to do to win votes. Not getting my vote. Fell for it the first time, this time it is too much. Keep on crying Hillary, tomorrow you will need to keep the tissue close. - Roxy
I want to say one thing to the American people. I want you to listen to me. I’m going to say this again: I cannot stand that woman, Hillary Clinton. - Dee

The video is here.

[Thanks to Madeline Holler at Babble for the tip.]

[Photo: AP]

Political Video of the Year: Obama Music Video

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 18:09:00 GMT

With 700,000 views, and Super Tuesday mere hours away, could this be the first viral video in history to decide a Presidential election? Will.i.am's new video, composed entirely of snippets from Obama speeches, is directed by Bobby Dylan's son Jesse and features a somewhat bizarre assortment of celebs, from Scarlett Johnassen to some old dude named Kareem Abdul Jabbar.

The whole singing over the speech thing kinda annoys the living crap outta me, but other than that...

UPDATE: Nerve's Video Blog weighs in, and finds it a little creepy.

Who Will Win Your State?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Sure, we talk about New York too much. But with 22 states going to the voting booths for tomorrow's Super Tuesday, we need to talk about you, 'Bama... or you, Jersey... or you... uh, Missouri. (Isn't that Emily's job? Oh well, just this once....)

Let's take a look at those darling little polls. Heh heh. Polls. Beavis, you want to look at little polls...

The way it looks as of Monday morning...

DEMOCRATS

This is Hillary Clinton's race to lose and boy is she losing it. After holding strong in almost all of the Super Tuesday states right up until this weekend, the Senator from New York has seen her leads slip, disappear, evaporate, or be shredded as part of some vast right-wing conspiracy. Nonetheless, if Obama wins a majority of states tomorrow and reassumes the frontrunner mantle, it will still be a very close race to the Convention. Check it out:

Clinton will win: Minnesota, New York, Oklahoma, Tennessee

Clinton is leading in but may still lose: Arizona, Massachusetts, New Jersey

Obama will win: Illinois, probably Colorado, Georgia

It's anybody's game in: Alabama, California, Connecticut, Delaware, and Missouri.

REPUBLICANS:

The party's attack dogs were out in force over the last week, from Ann Coulter to Rush Limbaugh (who some say would back Barack rather than McCain), trying to solidify around someone, anyone but likely nominee John McCain. It's too late and too scattered-- none of them can stomach Mitt Romney, McCain's only real competition, and that gives the Arizona Senator a free pass.

McCain will win: Alabama, Arizona (duh), Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Illinois, Missouri, New Jersey, New York, Oklahoma and effectively end the race.

It's tied between McCain and Romney in: California

It's tied between McCain and Huckabee in: Missouri

Romney will win: Massachusetts (duh)

The following states will also apparently vote tomorrow, but I haven't found recent, reliable polls for any of them: Alaska, Arkansas (Clinton and Huckabee will win there), Idaho, Kansas, North Dakota, and Utah. These are conservative states, so you can probably guess. What's the buzz where you are?

[Polls: Real Clear Politics, Zoby, etc.]

[Photo: BBC]

Ann Coulter: Hillary More Conservative Than McCain

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 16:07:00 GMT

In a roundabout way, 42-pound windbag Ann Coulter is making the case for Barack Obama here. She and Long Island cheeseball Sean Hannity set John McCain up as a conservative's punching bag by trying to make the case Hillary Clinton is more conservative. Isn't it funny that Republicans, who once thought Hillary Clinton was an ultra-left demagogue (we all knew better, right?), are now rallying behind her when they realize what we've known all along: she's still a Goldwater girl.

Maybe if Hillary loses the nomination she and Ron Paul can run on the Anarchy/Libertarian ticket, with these nuts as her loudest supporters.

Mitt Romney: Who Let The Dogs Out

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 17:46:00 GMT

There oughta be a law, yo.

We've offhandedly mentioned this wacky, somewhat excruciating moment during Romney's whirlwind tour of gangsta Florida. And last night a video turned up in our inbox, so even though it's more than a week old, we just couldn't pass it up.

Can Obama Win New York?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 13:00:00 GMT

A competitive New York primary would be so cool. Not because it's where we (the Scanner bloggers) live. Rather, an Obama win (or a narrow loss) would be much more interesting.

The stakes in New York State were raised this morning by The New York Post's somewhat surprise endorsement of Barack Obama. Hillary Clinton, the state's junior Senator, had visibly courted the paper's owner, Rupert Murdoch, attending events in his honor and allowing him to hold a widely-publicized fundraiser for her. But, in the end, the Post could not support a woman they've been attacking daily for seventeen years.

Obama has the Post and the New York Observer, with support from just about none of its elected officials. Hillary Clinton has the Times and support of just about all the pols...and the other kind of polls behind her. Is there any chance Obama can take this State, or even New York City? And will it matter?

[Photo: NewsBusters]

Edwards To Drop Out Today

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 14:47:00 GMT

Senator John Edwards (D-North Carolina) will end his Presidential bid at 1pm eastern, from the very same 9th Ward in New Orleans where he announced just over a year ago. Sources say he will then break ground on a home for Katrina victims with his old buddies at Habitat For Humanity.

Just in case you thought he was going to say, "Poor people? What do I need you for now?!"

[Photo: Spencer Platt/Getty Images]

Jesus Christ To Endorse Huckabee At 4pm Press Conference

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Mike Huckabee truly believes he's Holier-than-thou. He thinks if he says God the most times per sentence per speech, he'll be nominated for President by the Republican Party. It was scary for a while thinking the Governor of Arkansas could actually win, following his short-lived triumph in this month's Iowa caucus.

Think this video is scary? Wait till you see what GodTube is trumpeting as their new favorite video, after the jump.

Seriously, folks, WWJD? Would he support an evangelical preacher like Mike Huckabee... or would he be more inclined to choose a tree-huggin' Denny Kucinich as his running mate? USA Today has the story on Jesus in 2008, a new website devoted to this very debate.