Scanner : porno

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Sloppy Seconds: Elisha Cuthbert Survives Harrowing Hit-And-Run

Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not Mine

We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

Read Porn In Public

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:49:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: You know that old trick where you'd be reading a comic book in class, and put it in your math book so "no-one" would know what you were doing? Time to take it to the next level:

Read more...

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Holds Out, Won't Put Out

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A 15-year-old student in Florida has been suspended from school for three days because he farted on the bus. [Inquisitr]

Oh, Jesus. Some dude wants to make babies with "angel princess" Paris Hilton. [FadedYouth]

We were sort-of excited (okay, really excited) about "Lesbian Vampire Killers" until we read this: "The lesbian vampire queen, who is in fact the only one of the vampires who seems to genuinely be a lesbian rather than just a generally lusty vampire, can only be killed with the sword. It's a subtle moment, so let's rephrase: The lesbian curse is only lifted when the lesbian is penetrated by the cock sword." [Vulture]

Isaiah Washinton, who was fired from the cast of Grey's Anatomy in 2007 for making a gay slur at co-star T.R. Knight (who had not yet come out of the closet) is facing eviction from his Venice home. [Us]

Contrary to earlier reports, Katy Perry and Josh Groban are not dating. People everywhere continue to not care. [People]

Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman still has not accepted any offers to do porn or any offers to do reality shows featuring Vivid girls. (P.S. Thems not enuf diapers.) [The Frisky]

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Diablo Cody's Super Porno Limo Rides

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 13:12:00 GMT

Gmail is here to rescue you from regrettable sent message. Of course, you have to immediately regret sending the e-mail for the feature to work.

M.I.A. replaced Amy Winehouse in the Coachella lineup.

We don't even know what to say about this woman who is no longer attracted to her laid-off husband.

Improv Everywhere staged an art opening on a New York City subway platform.

The strip club job fair appears to have been a success.

Winnipeg is finally safe to drive in.

The top film at the box office was not I Love You, Man or the equally-hyped Julia Roberts-Clive Owen movie Duplicity. Instead, another presumably dumb Nicholas Cage movie took the top spot. (How was it, really, and why did you bother?)

Diablo Cody's friends called their limo rides with the star screenwriter "super porno."

And Ashton Kutcher posted a TwitPic of wife Demi Moore bending over in a bikini. And she was thrilled.

Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate

Coke Ad Offends the Entire Country of Sweden

Life-Sized Barbie Dream House: I Want to Go to There

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 14:54:00 GMT

We give Barbie a lot of shit here at Scanner—for her tramp stamp, for being too skinny, for not acting her age and even for making a skeezy porno—but you know what? Fuck that. Barbie brought us a lot of joy back when we were wearing Kissing Coolers and thought that Sesame Street was our "soap opera." Yeah, maybe we'd give her spiky hair cuts and put crazy colors in her spiky platinum 'do with washable markers, but she still loved us and we loved her. And when we were growing up in a government-subsidized townhouse in the meth capitol of the world, you can bet your ass there was nowhere we'd rather have lived than Barbie's Dream House. So forgive us if we're a little too excited about the life-sized Barbie Dream House that opened in Shanghai on Friday.

The House of Barbie, a six-story, hot-pink shrine to the doll—who turns 50 today—boasts a chandelier made of blonde hair, a closet stocked with 100 pairs of pink patent-leather pumps and a kitchen that exists solely for the purpose of baking cupcakes.

Of course, this Barbietopia is also a retail location. And the China market is one reason Mattel chose Shanghai for the flagship store.

Here, dolls range in price from $10 to $200 — for a Barbie in a Vera Wang wedding dress. But is Barbie too blond, too expensive for the China market? At a Shanghai primary school, opinion is divided.

"She's really pretty," says Wang Yiqi, looking longingly at Barbie's pink frilly miniskirt. The 11-year-old is a marketer's dream: she recognizes the specially designed $35 Shanghai Barbie and can't wait to go to the store. Others aren't quite as positive.

"I've got one just like this at home," says 7-year-old Yang Fangchen, "and it only cost $3, and she has a set of extra clothing."

Mrs. Wu, who's picking up her granddaughter, is horrified to hear of the price. "People of my generation find that really expensive. It's definitely not worth it."

In China, Barbie's world is likely to be full of impersonators. Xu Quanning, secretary general of the Shanghai Toy Trade Association, says that Barbie look-alikes for just $1 or $2 were far outselling the real doll.

But don't worry, there is no mass-market Chinese Barbie at the House of Barbie, though Mattell created a special doll which their calling "a pan-Asian likeness" (above right) for the store's opening.

[NPR: Mattel Hopes Shanghai Is A Barbie World]

Related:

The Real Story Behind Barbie... And The Truth About That Ken Dude

Video of the Day: Barbie and Ken (and Some Guy) Make a Porno

Video of the Day: Cougar Barbie

Today in the Apocalypse: Barbie Got Even Skinnier

Video of the Day: Lithuanian Barbie Girls

Crazy Baby Lady to Become Crazy Sex Lady?

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:33:00 GMT

This would be surprising considering the fact that all (most?) of her babies were conceived via in vitro fertilization, but Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman might have a very sexy future awaiting her.

Suleman has been offered one million dollars from Vivid Entertainment to star in a porno. If you're not familiar with Vivid, the company apparently has worked with Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and former Miss USA Kelli McCarty.

So now we must ask: Crazy Baby Lady in a porno, hot or not?

[Via The Frisky]

Related:

Crazy Baby Lady Is, In Fact, A Crazy Baby Lady

Crazy Husband Lady Left Lonely

Crazy Baby Lady Puts Crazy Cat Ladies to Shame

Crazy Baby Lady Skips Welfare, Goes Straight to TV

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Has One Less Mouth to Feed

Ron Jeremy On Sex, His Grandma, and Why Porn Was Better in the 80s

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:38:00 GMT

Ron Jeremy may have officially passed John Holmes as the greatest and most famous male porn star in history. If Time Magazine is catching on to the cultural phenomenon that is hipster Ron J worship, then maybe it's time to crown him...

Here are excerpts from the epic and exciting tale of one Ron Hyatt, some waiter dude from Queens who worked in the Catskills and has always had the world's worst mustache. Apparently, he has been in an adult film or two, and got his start by taking daguerreotypes of his wang and sending them to Playgirl by intercontinental pony express, which may have been illegal.

[When] people looked up R. Hyatt in Queens... they were getting my grandmother, Rose Hyatt, who lived downstairs. My poor grandmother was being woken up night and day, mostly by guys. Playgirl likes to think that their audience is mostly women, but no, no, the majority is gay. My poor grandma had to move.
I wasn't getting the liftoff as quickly as they did. It was embarrassing. It's funny because now, years later when I am not taking Viagra and the other guy does, I am still slow to the punch.
We were up in the Catskills, and I had a very good sex life, to the point where when I was once late to dinner and told the maitre d' I was with a girl. He said, and I remember his exact words, "Anybody else I would forgive but with you it's like brushing your teeth. You're late; you're being docked pay."
I just loved acting, doing dialogue. All my friends were still doing theater off-off-Broadway and I was doing film. Yes it's porn, but it still goes into theaters. They still had acting back then. They had big scripts. There were no videos back then, no DVDs, no Internet. I came at a time they called the Golden '80s.
Most of them had been to college. Some have come from broken homes, some from abusive homes. What I tell kids when I lecture in colleges is that porn is largely a microcosm of Hollywood itself. There were kids who wanted to do something goofy and crazy. Some were actors who wanted to go for an acting career, like me, and settled for this...
I just did [a porno] a few days ago, a benefit for a great New York director who has serious colon cancer. We all did a free porn film. I did a sex thing with a sweet girl named Candy, she's actually here because we did a scene and she is staying over. (Giggling in the background.)

Here's the rest.

Related:

Porn Star For Senate

Krasinski and Fischer Sadly Opted Out of "The Office" Porn

In the Blink of a Young Girl's Eye: The Glory Days of Porn Posters

While You Were Sleeping: The 3-D Porn Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Ever wonder what repairing a sex doll is like? Wait, you already knew this job existed?

We're hoping Kanye West is kidding when he says he wants to change his name. We are not amused.

Shockingly, your wife may become upset if you turn out to have a secret Playboy subscription.

Try not to panic-- 71,000 jobs were lost yesterday alone.

The hookers are flocking to Florida for the Super Bowl.

Good God! Molly Ringwald is 40 years old. Oh, and she's expecting twins...

The world's first-ever 3D porno flick (or so the producers claim, probably without having done any research) is all set to shoot. We'll, of course, provide a look behind the scenes, assuming this doesn't go way over budget, as an experiment of this magnitude is bound to do.

And forgive Paris Hilton, for she knows not what the hell she's saying.

Sloppy Seconds: Pornos Will Save Us All

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:51:00 GMT

A family decided not to report their adopted son missing... for a decade. Think they had a hand in his disappearance?

Is this officially the end of the Bush era? Jeb has declined to run for Senate in Florida, where he would have been virtually unbeatable.

The Josh Brolin-Jeffrey Wright bar brawl case has been resolved...

Cindy Kemp, spokeswoman for the Shreveport City Court, tells E! News that as long as the actors and five others accept "district attorney's probation" and stay out of further trouble, all misdemeanor counts against the group will be dismissed at their next court date, scheduled for March 11. [Yahoo!]

We're a little worried about a TV talking head getting a post in the Obama administration.

A woman was shot in the face by her roommate in New Orleans for being so stupid as to move in with him. Seriously, there's no motive whatsoever-- she hadn't even moved her stuff in yet.

Fleshbot reports that the Atlantic Monthly believes porn will save the economy. Or something equally ridiculous. [NSFW]

And Sean Penn and Josh Brolin had it out over a drunken exchange of words at the New York Film Critics Awards. We think they were kidding.

Related:

This Week in Gayness: The New Transgender Minister

While You Were Sleeping: Tara Reid Back To The Booze

While You Were Sleeping: Hugh Jackman and Cleopatra

Arousal Brings Out the Creep in Many Dudes

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 15:14:00 GMT

See why after the jump.

As Emily noted in yesterday's Sloppy Seconds, some idiots over in the UK (rapidly become the near-police state we have across the pond) think it's wise to give blogs ratings. If so, we'll circulate a petition saying every blog will agree to rate themselves XXX, rendering the internet entirely useless for most people until a law is passed abolishing the ratings.

We've always hated the concept of blog, movie, or even video game ratings (for one thing, way to give away what we're going to see-- "Rated R for strong graphic violence and sexual content" and there hasn't been any of that in the first forty minutes? Well, we know how this is all going to wrap up, see?) However, we were unable to resist One Plus You's attempt to rank blogs in advance.

Here's how Scanner stacked up:

So, wouldn't a religious (wacko's) site railing against pornography, abortion, and women actually enjoying sex be NC-17 as well? Gotta love indiscriminate censorship...

Video of the Day: Barbie and Ken (and Some Guy) Make a Porno

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 20:29:00 GMT

We watch a lot of videos here at Scanner. We laugh at some, roll our eyes at others and even get turned on by a few. Then we click out of the window and move onto the next sex scandal or ridiculous tabloid news story or four and call it a day. Little thought is given to the people who create said videos, or in the case of the Barbie Porn YouTube videos, who is actually doing the voiceovers.

When we do think of such things, however, we are forced to consider the question: to dump or not to dump the guy who makes Barbie porn for the Internet?

Watch the video and then let us know.

[Videogum: That's Your Boyfriend: YouTube Barbie Porn Voice Actor]

Sloppy Seconds: Palin on Oprah, Will She or Won't She?

"Barbie Shoot" Chinese For "Lolita Glamour Shots"

More Porny Than Actual Porn: Miami's Fabulous Hotel-a-Go-Go

What Are You Gonna Be for Halloween, Sarah Palin?

Sloppy Seconds: Barbie Parts Make the Cutest Necklaces

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A Comparatively Respectable New Gig for This Girl

Colleen Kane — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 16:42:00 GMT

A little background about moi, your humble new Scanner blogger. (That's me above on the roof of the abandoned Jimmy Swaggart Bible College Dorm.)

I just can't seem to escape the sexiness in my writing career. As a beginning freelancer I edited a few guidebooks for a shady publisher who eventually skipped town owing people (me) money and now probably has a new name and fake moustache. One of those books I worked on was called Sexy New York City, which was how I learned of the existence of pornos with memorably disturbing names like Donkey Time and Pee, Granny, Pee.

From there I was thrilled to land a job at my favorite magazine, BUST, which is known and loved by some ladies and gents in the know, but when mentioned to members of the general public they often assumed I was working on a magazine about boobs. (BUST is only partially about boobs.) After that, I went on to edit at Playgirl, which sounded to the general public like a naked man magazine with dongs a-flyin' everywhere, and that's because it was. (RIP Playgirl, RIP.) This time I really was working in a porno office shared with the staffs of numerous hardcore skin mags. Now among my freelance jobs is blogging for Plenty, an environmental magazine with a vaguely suggestive ring to the name.

By comparison, the Scanner blog on Nerve sounds downright wholesome, yet I can still do what I sometimes fear I do best, write filthy puns.

I have nothing against sexytime of course, but there's more to me than that. It's all on my blog, BaRou is the new Bklyn, which chronicles my life in exile in Baton Rouge until I move back to Brooklyn 543 days from now, not that anyone is counting. For fun I snoop around the city's endless supply of creepy abandoned buildings (hence the Swaggart dorm photo), all documented on my other blog Abandoned Baton Rou ge, so I am pretty much blogging 90% of the time. Blog bloggety blog blog.

So, hi everybody. Write at you later today. WB if you have a chance.

Photo: kmp-music.com

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:17:00 GMT

Seth Rogen must have had a little too much fun making Zack and Miri Make a Porno (which we haven't seen but our mom just loved), because he's now trying to develop a "porno-based" comedy for Showtime.

Rogen and production partner Evan Goldberg are developing a comedy series for the pay cabler about three twentysomethings who learn about life and love while running a pornography shop.

Rogen and Goldberg will exec produce the as-yet untitled project.

Matthew Bass, who is credited as an assistant to both comedy filmmakers on "Pineapple Express" and "Superbad," will pen the script and co-exec produce.

Wow, what a departure from everything else Seth Rogen has done!

But really, who are we kidding trying to make fun of this guy? We'd do him in a second....

[Variety: Rogen, Showtime team on comedy]

Related:

Trailer: "Zach and Miri Make a Porno"

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

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While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:31:00 GMT

You'll be relieved to learn that this post has nothing to do with the you-know-what that's happening today...

This is the creepiest and coolest Halloween prank we've seen this year

A woman is charged with murder after stabbing her boyfriend with a pair of scissors after the argued over a slice of pizza.

It's scary and insane enough that this guy murdered his girlfriend. But then to cut off his own dick and leave it with her body? Wow. We have nothing to say about that.

A man is selling his wife through an in a classified section intended for vehicle sales, complete with the usual punny ad. The news here? Even though she's 25, he has had to drastically reduce the asking price.

A supposed burglar was found in a store's window display bed getting it on... with a bunch of mannequins.

A naked, masked man holding a gun and waving the American flag on an overpass caused a California freeway to be shut down for hours during yesterday morning's rush hour. And how come we're hearing about this the next day?!

And Traci Lords doesn't appear naked in Kevin Smith's new Porno movie because she was lactating. Yeah, we figured Smith would take a pass on that...

Related:

Today It's Porn Vs. Halloween For Kevin Smith

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

The World's Largest Flower Is A Giant Deformed Penis

Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

And Now, for Your Viewing Pleasure, Porno

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 18:31:00 GMT

We love an opportunity to show you all dirty, filthy things. We especially love when all those dirty things come hidden in adorable animations, rendering them harmless and, dare we say, cute.

The video below is a lot like the picture above, but with more jiggling and moaning and moving back and forth. We think it's some kind of ad for Diesel, but really it's just porn with bright colors over the naughty bits and that somehow makes them even naughtier.

Now for the show:

Diesel Group meeting
Uploaded by baierman17

Harvard Student Publishes Porn Mag... Featuring Only Himself

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 16:40:00 GMT

Harvard student Matthew Dipasquale wants "the world to know that [he loves] sex," that his personal philosophy is "go big or go home" (see after the jump for whether or not this is exactly true), and that he "sometimes" gets hit on "a lot."

Oh, and that he has a penis...

Dipasquale publishes Diamond, a porno mag that was supposed to feature full frontal nudity from men and women; however, the first issues features only a woman named Fiona, who is not even naked, and nudie pics only of Dipasquale. They're all pretty much the same as the photo above.

Better yet, he interviews himself in the most painful manner. His humor makes us wonder why all the girls of the world didn't respond to his semi-anonymous internet requests for models. On women:

Q: Anything prospective applicants should know?
A: I fart under the covers, Dutch-oven style, baby!

Q: What's your ideal relationship?
A: A loving, supportive, genuine, fun, and open relationship with two or three special women. And we would go out and pick up other gorgeous girls together. I might have to move to LA.

This last sentence is so genius, we hope it's satire. If not, please, Matthew, move to LA... they need more vain, self-righteous, unfunny fartknockers in their flawless midst. (Not to knock LA folks, but you gotta admit there are already plenty of those types floating around...)

More via Ivy Gate.

NFL Player Accidentally Posts Photo Of His Penis On His Blog

Penis Eating Fish Plague Australian Harbor

While You Were Sleeping: Beyonce Is One Sexy Cop

Penis Iceberg, Right Ahead!

Help! The Giant Penis Man Needs You!

UPDATE: A Plethora of Penis Photos

All Right, Fine... We'll Show You Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:14:00 GMT

This is almost an exclusive, actually. For months, we'd been hearing about this Ray J-Kim Kardashian sex tape, which was briefly sold by one online distributor before being pulled. The only real footage that surfaced on the web was in the form of an almost safe-for-work trailer.

Then we found a couple of five-minute excerpts on Megarotic... making this sort of like Three Pornos In Search Of An Editor, but anyway...

First, the "trailer." Warning, it's incredibly annoying:

Next, the best version we've been able to find of the tape, a three part version. Most of these, you'll spend on fast-forward, but the third one is pretty nice once the slow motion bullshit is over...

1) Ray goes down on her, then there's some pointless footage of Kim's crotch... while she is in public... wearing jeans:

2) Next up, more sex, beginning with Kim saying she's too shy to show herself off... before showing off her ass and poonannananany... and boobs... and Ray J's dick...

3) At last, we come to the XXX finish... well, if you fastforward to the last two minutes, that is..

The Josh Hartnett Sex Tape: At Least It Won't Be In Night Vision

Dame Helen Mirren As A Teen: Loved Coke, Date Rape Not So Much

Sloppy Seconds: New Apprentice Set To Be Worst TV Show Ever

Sloppy Seconds: No, Wait... This Is The Worst Show Ever

Kim Kardashian And Carmen Electra Size Each Other Up, Wrestle, Cuddle

Hot or Not? Kim Kardashian Poses for "Ralph"

"The Sexxing" Doesn't Hold a Candle to "Clockwork Orgy"

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 18:50:00 GMT

Over at Panopticist, Andrew Hearst has sniffed out some great adaptation porn to help you all rebound from your long weekend. The first and raunchiest of the clips is from The Sexxxing, an adaptation of Stanley Kubrick's The Shining that bears only a slight resemblance to the original. The main character, Miss Torrence, is watching over a haunted porno distribution office. The creepy ghost twins are bigger, and bustier and do a lot more licking. So it's, you know, very classy stuff.

And now, after the jump, Kurbick inspires yet another imitation with Clockwork Orgy.

We are very big fans of the jumpsuits. Have a feeling this one is better than the original.

Hearst has studied up on all manner of adaptation porn. He is especially fond of Shakespearian skin flicks--A Midsummer Night's Cream, anyone?

Kevin Smith Makes A Porno... Or So Thought The MPAA

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 14:46:00 GMT

Kevin Smith's new movie is called Jack and Miri Make A Porno. So we were a little surprised that Smith was shocked to learn his film, which features constant jokes about sex and, of course, sex itself was slapped with an NC-17 rating...

The Clerks director then censored two of the movie's sex scenes involving co-stars Jason Mewes and Katie Morgan, but failed to convince the board to lower the rating to an R.
He subsequently launched an appeal against the decision - and on Tuesday the MPAA announced its appeals panel, which is separate from the ratings board, had screened the movie, about two friends who launch an amateur porn studio, and decided to revise the rating to an R.
Smith explains, "We didn't set out to make an Nc-17 film. That's just commercial suicide...
"They felt it was rather sexually graphic. My point is, it was comically graphic. All the sex in the movie with the exception of one scene is very cartoonish, very campy. It wasn't designed to titillate."
And Smith is confident the title alone will filter out audiences who could be offended by the content: "Anybody not inclined to see a movie with `Porno' in the title is not going to see it, so it kind of regulates itself to a degree. And anybody who is going is not going to be surprised by what they see."

The film is set for a Halloween release.

Via IMDB.

Libertarian Dude, Star of "Predator" and Porn, Is Running For Senate

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:01:00 GMT

Sonny Landham, most famous for getting the crap torn out of him by the title character in "Predator," and ex-porn star, is running on the Libertarian line in Kentucky against Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

Now 67 and living in northeastern Kentucky, the man who played Billy Bear in "48 Hours" and was killed by an alien in "Predator" admits his action-movie days are behind him. "I think I'm having wild action when I take two aspirin with my hot chocolate at night," he quipped.

The actor known for his powerful physique, booming voice and his American Indian heritage says he's serious about his longshot bid, because too many politicians are indifferent to voters' problems.

Landham refers to McConnell, a four-term Republican, as "Boss Hogg" after the corrupt politician from "The Dukes of Hazzard" TV show. He bluntly called Democratic candidate and millionaire businessman Bruce Lunsford an "elitist."

Even President Bush is a target: "He took us into a war on lies," Landham said, claiming the actual intent was "to put 'Big Oil' back into Iraq."

We kind of like this crazy old bastard, but then again, the anarchist in us always has a soft spot for the Libertarian folk.

Landham did go on to discuss his porn career with the Louisville Courier-Journal, which makes for

some campaign baggage that seems scripted for Hollywood, instead of socially conservative Kentucky. Asked whether [his adult film roles] could hurt him politically, Landham replied, "What can I do? That was a part of my life you cannot call back."

"If I was going to do it now — knowing that I'm going to have four children, knowing that I was going to run for office — no, I wouldn't make that choice," he said. "But at the time I made the choice of getting a paycheck, staying alive for your big break."

The article glosses over Landham's prison term, apparently because he was later exonerated:

Landham also served more than 2½ years in federal prison after being convicted of making threatening and obscene phone calls to his ex-wife. The conviction was thrown out by a federal appeals court that found he committed no crime.

More on this character and his campaign, via the Courier-Journal.

Watching Too Much Porn? This Will Set You Right

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 May 2008 17:11:00 GMT

If they ran this three-minute disclaimer before every porno we ever watched, we'd definitely have healthier sex lives... and never want to actually watch porn. It's the video equivalent of a tub full of ice water, of hearing a twig snap in half-- in other words, the ultimate boner killer.

WARNING: audio is NSFW, although the boring camera setup certainly is. We kept expecting this Gennifer Flowers wannabe to jump on the desk and reveal her sexy stockings. We're guessing this could be why we didn't do so well in sex ed.

Double Viking - 80s PSA That Used To Run Before Pornos

When you're done with that, reward yourself with an ad too cool to ever be topped by any modern television commerical:

Double Viking - Salvador Dali Explains Alka-Seltzer

And one more: Have you been perverted by newsstand obscenity? An (early?) 60s PSA featuring "George Putnam, outstanding news reporter" may be of some assistance...

Marie Claire Writer: I Saw My Sister In A Porn Mag

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 19:47:00 GMT

"Help! I Saw My Sister In A Magazine I Was Jerking Off On Years After She Became A Meth-Addicted Porn Star Following Her Escape From Our Molesting Brother And Tragic Father And Lost All Her Teeth And I Had No Qualms About Exposing Her Story For Profit In Marie Claire!"

Robert Radin's instantly legendary piece for Marie Claire about the tragic story of his porn star sister would be the most devastating piece of sex-life journalism (in a Pulitzer-Prize kind of way) we've read in years if it wasn't flagrantly a rejected Savage Love letter. It sounds like Jason Blair's autobiography of his sister, if he had one:

Radin's unnamed sis:

Was in a porn mag ad for a phone sex line. That her brother saw her in when he was beating off on its pages.
Lost portions of her front teeth due a) bulimia purging, which caused some sort of acid to settle on her teeth and/or b) meth shooting.
May have had sex with another brother of hers on multiple occasions-- a young Robert walked in on the six-year-old underneath her nine-year-old bro one time. Years later, following their father's death, the other brother stayed in his sister's room overnight on various occasions, with nothing but a "I didn't want to sleep alone" sob story as his defense.
Was an alcoholic at least by the age of 13, possibly earlier.
Was raped as a teenager.
Crashed her car while drunk by plowing into a tree.
Had a huge scar between her eyebrows from the above accident. She soon ran away from home and never returned.
Attended Robert's wedding in a "form-fitting navy dress with a teardrop cutout over her breasts." She spent the reception racked with nerves, lest her brother's friends recognize her from the movies.
Hasn't spoken to Robert in ten years.
Is getting a lot of love-- the internets are abuzz with talk of her whereabouts and well-being.

Isn't anyone else more than a little bit bothered that Robert would write about how his sister is basically lost to him, is clearly concerned for her health, and yet makes no mention of his attempts to get back in touch with her and help sort out her troubles?

Maybe some of that Marie Claire cash could pay for rehab, eh, Robert? Just a hint.

Link via Marie Claire. Image via Annie Sprinkle.