Scanner : porn star

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke just gave us another reason to hate his awful company-- he signed a petition to ban gay adoptions in Arkansas.

A gay porn star attending college has received a reported 150 hate e-mails from so-called "good Christians."

Bigots like Rick Warren and Sarah Palin are among Time's 100 Most Influential People.

Moron Republican Congressman Steve King thinks gays wouldn't get "bashed" so much if they just stopped acting so gay (never mind that many hate crime victims are straight people mistaken for homosexuals.) Jon Stewart, thankfully, had something to say about this.

Kudos to Britain for banning hatemonger and violence-inciting shout machine Michael Savage from entering their country ever again.

A McDonald's in Kentucky settled with two patrons who were called "faggots" by restaurant staff.

By the way, we heard that the Democratic Governor of New Hampshire might veto the gay marriage bill. Anyone else heard this?

The most trusted Mom(s) in America? Portia and Ellen:

With 31%, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi took the top spot. Rounding out the list were Jennifer Aniston (22%), Rachel Ray (20%), Angelina and Brad (18%) and coming in last was Oprah Winfrey with 9%. [Strollerderby]

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This Week in Gayness: Men's Magazines

Apparently, Florida Doesn't Want You to Learn How to Have Great Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gay Conversions Under Attack

You Can Take the Boy Out of Chelsea...

The Gaythering Storm Against Anti-Gay Organization NOM

Rolling Stone Somehow Convinces Sasha Grey to-- Gasp-- Pose Nude

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:42:00 GMT

Rolling Stone jumped on the Sasha Grey-mainstream-breakout bandwagon this week when it featured the porn star-turned-legit-actress in its most recent issue.

Although Grey is a highly intelligent individual, capable of captivating a reader with her hard-earned wisdom, it's obvious no one's buying this magazine, as they say, "for the articles..."

In her featured profile, the 21-year-old scream queen (of the other kind) discussed the thing she hates most about her day job:

Sasha Grey is the adult industry’s reigning princess of porn, a rock & roll 21-year-old with an actual mission statement — “Most of the XXX I see is boring, and does not arouse me physically or visually. I am determined and ready to be a commodity that fulfills everyone’s fantasies” — and few taboos.
“I don’t need to see genitalia up close; I don’t need to see a dirty yellow couch against a white wall. I want to see something different, like this is not exciting to me."
"If you look at me and you think 'Here’s a woman who’s intelligent, cognizant and making her own choices, and you still tell me that what I’m doing is wrong, screw you, because that should end the debate.'"

The article goes on to mention Grey's ten years of acting lessons and her interest in breaking into Hollywood-- but not by doing Michael Bay-type Blockbusters. She wants to be an indie darling along the lines of a Parker Posey or Lili Taylor. What do you think? Is it too late to save Sasha or are porn stars the next superstars?

We've been reading Rolling Stone for years and this is the first time we've seen a (celebrity) nipple. Click on the photos for larger images.

Related:

Sex Lives, and Videotape

Media Fawning All Over Sasha Grey Now That They're Allowed To

Nude American Apparel Ads Aren't Going Away

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Nerve Interview: Sasha Grey

Celebrate National Masturbation Month with the Masturbate-a-Thon

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 20:20:00 GMT

Masturbation Month starts on Friday and one event this weekend promises to raise national awareness, at least via sex blogs, of this very important occasion.

By the way, it's not too late to become a Featured Masturbater yourself...

JOIN the 2009 Masturbate-a-thon!

3PM, Saturday, May 2nd
The Center for Sex & Culture
1519 Mission St., San Francisco
(Between S. Van Ness & 11th)
Order Your Voyeur Audience Tickets Now!
Click Here For Details

The event features the very hot Madison Young, BDSM porn star/director, pictured above, as well as Kirk Read, April Flores, Sadie Lune, Sister Roma, and many more masturbating performers. The press release warns eventgoers that they may look over and see most of the audience is joining the circle jerk, so "come" prepared. Or something. Anyway, we don't think you'll have a hard time getting off with the likes of these participants... which means you have no excuse but to become a Featured Masturbater (see link above) and then guest blog about it for us.

Are you an exhibitionist?
The daring can choose to become a masturbation porn star, showing all for our internet streaming cameras. The party will be featuring the kind of ribald fun to keep you wet and/or hard for hours. Sign up to masturbate live on-camera at the event in SF.

Are you a voyeur?
You don't have to signup as a masturbator to enjoy the event. Come as a spectator! To find out more about the cost, rules of respect or to reserve a space in voyeurs land, visit our spectator's page.

Attention Competitors
If you plan on challenging the World Record for Time you must be present by 10:30am PST to make the start.

Just want to wank with others?
We also have spaces set up away from the cameras and voyeurs where you can masturbate with others. There is are mixed gender, male only, and female only spaces.

Not Sure you want to be part of the live event?
You can join us by masturbating from home! Click here to find out how.

Of course, we'll have more on Masturbation Month as it happens.

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While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

The feminist porn awards sounds like a show somebody forgot to e-mail us an invite to.

Real-life lawyers working in Second Life law-- is there anything funnier?

A woman is suing her bank for telling her husband about her secret $150K account.

Question of the day: "If Dick Cheney believes he can prove that torture saved us from terrorist attacks, why does he oppose a full investigation?"

How funny is it that a major movie studio is remaking a movie as fucked up as Videodrome?

Police broke up a drug dealing operation... run by fifth graders.

The Flaming Lips won-- their biggest single is unofficially officially the state song of Oklahoma... or something.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard are finally tying the knot next month.

Felony Franks-- the world's most badass hotdog stand.

And Lindsay Lohan may be back together with that DJ girlfriend of hers.

Don't Use Facebook on Your Sick Day, Silly

The PETA Empire Strikes Back

Sloppy Seconds: Elisha Cuthbert Survives Harrowing Hit-And-Run

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:36:00 GMT

In Iraq, they have shoe-throwers. In America, egg-tossers.

Jenna Haze was named the porn performer of the year. [NSFW]

Heidi Klum is pregnant with that ba(l)d singer's fourth child.

Elisha Cuthbert survived a hit-and-run driver, thanks to her training for 24. A crazy New York driver (sorry for the double negative) nearly ran her down one recent evening, but she survived by jumping onto the hood. Actually, her story is kind of confusing, mainly because no one seems to know where these out-of-context quotes came from.

The Pay It Forward movement has taken over a couple of Alabama coffee shops.

Maybe it is possible to die of a broken heart: a couple married for over 67 years end up dying just a few hours apart.

Here's proof the right-wingers are completely insane. (We don't have anybody this nutty on our side.)

And Bruno edited itself down to an R-rating. Yay for Unrated DVDs!

Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Pregnant Again

Smile, or You'll Get Divorced

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:06:00 GMT

We hope this is real and not the viral marketing work of some jean company...

Sometimes the stories are too small for their own posts. Sometimes there are two many stories for one week, which is definitely the case here.

Today, we'll present: the Not Ready For Daytime Players... in This Week in Sex, featuring tales of football teams, Bollywood nudity, Melissa Joan Hart, Playboy, brothers, and... Susan Boyle?!

A minister in Florida (where else) is being investigated for possibly sexually assaulting members of a high school football team. The man allegedly promised his victims help in their athletic careers-- not sure how his religion fits into sports. Maybe he promised to rig the coin tosses?

Apparently, there will be full frontal male nudity in a Bollywood movie. (We can't confirm that this is actually the first legitimate male nude scene from that genre, but it sounds about right.)

Melissa Joan Hart says she never did Playboy because her Maxim cover caused her brother too much embarrassment.

The State of Nevada decided not to tax brothel sex, but not before this classic quote was delivered:

"I don't know why people won't recognize that we have a legal industry," state Sen. Bob Coffin, who introduced the legislation, told the Associated Press. "I'm willing to go in and do the dirty work if no one else will."

Thanks, Senator, but your sexpertise won't be required. Moving on...

Those scary-lookers had some of the loudest sex we've ever heard (of.)

In Indiana, two little girls walked in on group sex in the bathroom of their local people Taco Bell.

Unlike our cheerleading coach friend, this woman deserved get fired: a teacher was given the boot for taking a bunch of girls to a strip club. The biggest problem is that some of the girls were under 18 and could've been arrested.

And the new porn marketing gimmick is officially is to offer whomever dominates the news a role in adult film in exchange for a million dollars:

See what [Publicity-Hungry Production Assholes] did there? Set up an entire website for something that will never happen (much like the Octomom porn) and then sit back and watch the traffic skyrocket for a headline that reads "Susan Boyle Does a Porn (Maybe)." Chances are, Boyle will never even see this site, and has never been contacted by these people. But just associating their adult films with a recent phenomena is the oldest trick in the book. Although who would ever pay to see Boyle lose her virginity on camera is another story alltogether.

This Teenage Sex Tape Craze Is Getting Out of Hand...

No One's Getting Laided On Facebook Anymore

Tropical Ants Have Completely Done Away With Men

A Potential Twist on the Marilyn Chambers Death

Colleen Kane — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:01:00 GMT

So far, the L.A. coroner has ruled investigation into the cause of Marilyn Chambers' death inconclusive, and said she died of "natural causes," which simply rules out "active human intervention."

However, another prominent figure from L.A.'s pornography stable and a friend of Marilyn's, director Veronica Hart, has stepped forward with a theory of her own.

Veronica has been trying to sort out Marilyn's funeral arrangements and has been talking to people who knew Marilyn, she told AVN. One of the neighbors told Veronica that Marilyn had fallen and hit her head recently, which is leading to speculation that Marilyn met an end much like that met earlier this year by actress Natasha Richardson.

Although many folks have asked about the funeral and offered to help out with expenses, no arrangements have been announced yet.

Related:

Marilyn Chambers Found Dead

Image

Media Fawning All Over Sasha Grey Now That They're Allowed To

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

Sasha Grey's mainstream breakout role in The Girlfriend Experience, playing later this month at the Tribeca Film Festival before a wider release in May, is exciting the elitist media on the east coast. They're all big fans of Grey, which means they've been waiting for years to get her (half?) naked for their magazines while interviewing her on their office couch. Thankfully, Grey is too wise and experienced to fall for their tricks... she ends up coming off as a well-adjusted, well, porn star.

In this week's New York Magazine, Grey talked about playing a Ashley Alexandra Dupre-era prostitute in her first "legitimate" feature film...

How were you cast?
One of Soderbergh’s writers, Brian Koppelman, contacted me through MySpace. I thought it was a joke, because I get a lot of fake offers on MySpace. Then Steven left me a voice mail.

What, as they say, was your motivation?
Steven was really secretive about the character, but he wanted me to bring a natural, uninhibited quality to the film. There’s a lot of scenes where I’m improvising. I sat at home, writing a lot, figuring out who she was. I’d take my notes to Steven.

You don’t actually have sex onscreen.
When I had the first meeting I assumed I would be naked and do a sex scene. Did I think I would do five, like in my adult work? No, but even up to the point where we were shooting, I thought there was going to be at least one sex scene.

That’s usually the first thing actresses clear up in their contracts.
The contract did say that I would be nude. But one of the clauses was [laughing] “You cannot have [real] sex.” To me, that was a pretty funny legality.

I imagine you’d never seen that before?
It was pretty weird. But it was great not to have sex—that would have been too easy. If you want to see me having sex, you can do that! Not doing it shifts the focus, because a lot of clients are there for more than the sex.

What’s your plan?
I’ve got to diversify myself. Do I want to be 35, having sex on-camera? No. I want to be sitting on a fucking porch at my beach house with my own successful company.

Via New York Magazine.

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Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

Freedom of (Stump) Speech Challenged by Anti-Exploitation Bill

Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Star

Marilyn Chambers Found Dead

Colleen Kane — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 17:30:00 GMT

The adult film and sometime-mainstream actress Marilyn Chambers was found dead in her mobile home yesterday, days short of her 57th birthday.

Chambers was best known for her 1972 XXX debut, Behind the Green Door, the story behind which is depicted in the biopic Rated X. She modeled as an Ivory Snow girl, appeared in dozens of other films, and also ran for Vice President.

No official cause of death has been given yet, but her death is being attributed to an overdose of pills and alcohol, at least on Wikipedia.

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Ben & Eileen Dover Try Out New Porn Names

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 13:20:00 GMT

Starting at about a minute in, we counted 12 sex pun names plus the mayonnaise joke to make it a Baker's Dozen of "How the hell did these people get away with this?" fun. Let's us know if we missed a few.

"Hey Louu... Briccant! Hope your party goes smooth?" "Craven Moorehead... it's been a long way for me." How did the news anchor miss those?

See, anybody can prank a dumb morning show with punny names, but to include more innuendo in the dedication and get away with it...? Congrats!

Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

Aria Giovanni Wants To Show You How To Do Something

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:21:00 GMT

Why is Aria Giovanni showing us bachelors how to cook via Break.com videos and do we care? Not "do we care that she's on Break.com showing us how to do things we'll quickly turn into four-alarm fires" but does anyone care what she's saying, with images like these?

Note that at about 1:30... she appears to be lightly stroking the long stem handle... hmmm, very interesting demonstration...

Aria Giovanni Teaches Us How To Boil Eggs

In case you didn't know, Aria Giovanni is a nude model and, um, self-described actress who was the Penthouse Pet for September of 2000. You may recall her previous Scanner appearance when we shared the first episode of James Gunn's PG Porn. We'd share more of these videos if she did something, you know... exciting.

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Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Star

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:10:00 GMT

Don't take this the wrong way-- we didn't mean that title as some sort of insult to the wonderful and wildly popular crush object Christina Ricci.

Ricci is set to star in a new movie called "Born to Be A Star," which is about a guy who discovers his parents were major porn stars in the 1970s...

According to the Hollywood Reporter (thanks to The Screengrab for the heads up), Adam Sandler co-wrote the movie and Tom Brady is directing. We're assuming it's a different Tom Brady than the quarterback who married Giselle Bundchen (again) in Costa Rica over the weekend. Here's the rundown:

The story centers on a small-town nerd who stumbles upon a family secret: His quiet and demure parents were famous porn stars in the 1970s. This motivates him to leave Northern Iowa for Hollywood, hoping to follow in their footsteps and fulfill his destiny as the biggest adult-film star in the world.

Ricci, the female lead, is the guy's innocent girlfriend.

There's no word on nude scenes or, more specifically, Christina Ricci nude scenes, but we're guessing this might be a raunchy PG-13 that pushes the rating as far as it can go-- in other words, no sex scenes in a movie about... porn.

One more tidbit:

Despite Sandler and Giarraputo's involvement, the movie is not a Happy Madison production but rather by porn title-friendly entity Miles Deep Prods.

Via the Hollywood Reporter.

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College Students in Maryland Barred From Ever Seeing Porn

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 16:15:00 GMT

Right-wing politicians, who only seem to care about freedom when it involves grandstanding patriotism or a shot at an NRA endorsement, will do whatever it takes to stop pornography from being shown to anyone, including adults.

So, we're not the least bit surprised that Republican State Senator Andrew Harris in Baltimore County threatened to basically destroy the University of Maryland if he did not get his way on a screening of "Pirates 2: Stagnetti's Revenge." Harris put forward an amendment that said any state school showing porn would lose its funding. Basically, this would've ended the university's $424 million deal if they were to carry on with this weekend's screening, which was almost sold out. Of course, Harris didn't say how he was prove in a court of law that something was "pornography"-- perhaps the "I know it when I see it" argument?

By the way, the school wasn't even hosting the event-- the student union was... and they were paying for it through ticket sales... so none of the state funding was even involved.

According to the Washington Post, there was an amusing twist in the debate:

While another senator was pressing Harris about why his amendment did not apply to double-X or single-X films, Senate President Thomas V. Mike Miller Jr. (D-Calvert) noticed that a group of third-graders had arrived to watch the action from the Senate gallery.

"Can we move to another amendment?" Miller said. And then: "We welcome the students from Plum Point Elementary School."

As debate on the other issue wrapped up, he told the children: "We're waiting for you to leave the room. We've got to talk about bad stuff."

Later, another senator was citing research that pornography makes men more angry at women who flirt but refuse to have sex. A group from Hollywood Elementary School in St. Mary's County then arrived. [Washington Post]

Representatives from the University, at that point, announced they were canceling the screening. We want to be mad at them, but pornography is not exactly high on our list of "free speech vehicles to defend to the death..."

P.S. Check out a censored Keira Knightley-Pirates-inspired porn comic here.

Did You Miss The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 17:50:00 GMT

If you missed them this week in Virginia and North Carolina, don't fret-- we have the lowdown on the Sex Workers' Art Show's Limited 2009 Dirty South Tour...

According to the official website, tour participants included World Famous *BOB* (top) and porn star Lorelei Lee (above.) The tour's focus was on "spoken word, music, drag, burlesque, and multimedia performance art. Intelligent and hot, disturbing and hilarious, the performances offer a wide range of perspectives on sex work, from celebration of prostitutes' rights and sex-positivity to views from the darker sides of the industry."

The promoters wanted "to dispel the myth that they are anything short of artists, innovators, and geniuses!" We don't know about that last part, especially with the exclamation point, but this attitude sure garnered a lot of attention.

In Williamsburg, Virginia, this week, conservative knuckleheads meddled as usual, trying to tell college students what they should and should not see. The only thing these people know about the First Amendment is that it comes before the one with the guns.

Last year, their devotion to this divisive annual event helped get their popular president Gene Nichol ousted by fire-breathing conservatives on the Board of Visitors and the state legislature.

Nichol opposed the show on principle, yet backed his students' decision and refused to ban it from campus.
His successor, W. Taylor Reveley, has done exactly the same, yet remains unsinged.

I'm not saying it's the students' fault Nichol was forced out. The fault lies with the hypocrites who used the sex show as one more briquette to burn him at the stake. [Daily Press]

Great job, right-wingers. You ousted an honest man and had him replaced with... a guy who also slightly disagrees with your Puritanical views. It's too bad there's no such thing as hell, because... well, maybe we're getting carried away. The show seems to have been a success in spite of all this political nonsense, and we look forward to seeing it further up the east coast...

Via the Sex Workers' Art Show website.

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Italian Porn Star Strips at the Milan Stock Exchange

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 22:19:00 GMT

Man, porn stars are all over the media today. Just head back to the homepage and scroll down-- even Kim Kardashian makes an appearance!

22-year-old Sicilian actress Laura Perego trumps them all-- "walked into the stock market in a black coat which she took off to reveal her body painted in the colours of the Italian flag, naked apart for some tiny underwear," according to the Associated Press.

She accused the government of incompetence in its financial dealings and of leaving Italians with nothing but their underwear after taxes are taken out. Man, this is the spokesperson Michael Steele has been dying for. Fox News is sure to interview her any day now.

Of course, the "family values" motto the Republicans stand behind doesn't really jibe with these pics:

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Sarah Palin Porn Ain't Goin' Nowhere, No Ho Ho Ho

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Mar 2009 16:10:00 GMT

John McCain's selection of Sarah Palin as his running mate was an unqualified disaster. Not only did voters flee from the novel idea of a female vice President (at least-- this potential female vice president), but they abandoned the Republican Party in greater numbers than ever.

Since the election, Sarah Palin's continued quest for the spotlight has further doomed the Party's chances for taking the White House. There was that whole incident with the turkey and the reenactment of that scene from Fargo. There is that whole string of ethics scandals. And, at last, the Bristol-Levi shotgun wedding sham was finally given up, since the voters no longer cared if the kids "did the right thing."

About the only successful enterprise involving Sarah Palin seems to be Naylin' Paylin, the Hustler-sponsored porn film. Now, Larry Flynt and company are shooting a sequel, which promises to keep Palin in the public eye for a lot longer... if only in the eyes of bugging-out pervs...

From Fleshbot (and via AVN):

Hustler cashed in on the election hype with a quickie follow-up called Obama's Nailin' Paylin, featuring a bonus scene with Guy DiSilva as President Obama.
Why another Palin movie now?
"We'll keep doing it as long as we can get away with it," said Hustler exec Jeff Thill.

Lisa Ann, a.k.a. "Serra Paylin" (why bother to change the spelling at all when the name is pronounced the same way?) is on a strip club tour that stops in Hardeeville, South Carolina next month and other locations TBA. Meanwhile, Hustler is gearing up for Hollywood's Nailin' Paylin, a semi-sequel to their smash of last year.

We're guessing the plot involves Paylin going to Hollywood to seduce rich megastars (of the porn world) in the hopes they will back yet another one of her doomed bids for higher office. Wait, sorry-- did we say plot? It's probably just going to be a whole lotta this:

Related:

The Sarah Palin Porno... Revealed

Larry Flynt: How's About A Porn Bailout?

Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

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Ryanair Stewardess Wants You to Join Her Mile High Club

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 16:21:00 GMT

Last week, we presented exclusive footage of a stewardess and a pilot attempting to join the other kind of Mile High Club. In July, we showed you a video of a Ryanair press conference in which several executives announced planes for "blow jobs in business class," a joke that may have been taken literally by one stewardess.

Fleshbot and other porn blogs have outed Edita Bente, internet porn sensation, as Ryanair stewardess Edita Schindlerova, which is a way better porn name anyway.

Save your "I'd like to violate her airspace" jokes for after the jump...

Bente tells The Sun that, following her appearance in Ryanair's yearly calendar, in which she starred wearing a bikini, a coworker discovered her moonlighting gig and outed her to staff:

"I had this shit a year ago with a pilot with nothing better to do than check the Internet," she said.

Wow. Way to attack your base, Bente. Pervs have feelings, too, ya know.

Thanks to Fleshbot for the heads up.

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Video of the Day: What's German For Blow Job?

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The Mile High Club Takes On A Whole New Meaning...

Ask a Porn Star a Bunch of Weird Sex Questions

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:38:00 GMT

Are you guys fans of "Ask a Porn Star," the mainstray of the San Francisco Bay Guardian's blog? Sex SF, the sex-positive web corner for the Guardian, has been running these strange interviews for ages, but we've ignored the majority of them until now.

This week, blogger and promising young porn star Stephen Boyer answers your our the interviewer's burning questions about Viagra, boring porn sex, trannies, and getting a foot shoved up your bum...

I tried to do a scene with a trans-woman once and she couldn’t get it up. Then she started to complain that she was sick. After that, she started having all of these negative body issues and eventually broke into tears. A few minutes later, she was saying she wanted to leave the porn world once and for all.
One of the boys had just turned 18 and had recently run away from home because his parents were really conservative. He was struggling to pay rent so he got into porn. The “Survivor” thing was his first shoot and the director wanted him to bottom, but not just for anyone; the director specifically made him bottom for a guy with a 12-inch dick that was also really thick. When the boy’s scene finally came up, everyone was watching because no one believed he could take it. But he did.

We've spared you the next sentence, which involves a serious amount of blood and other gross descriptions. Here are a few other highlights from the life of the budding adult film star:

I have used Viagra before but it isn’t something I practice and do regularly because I don’t need it.
[Does his butthole return to normal after having a foot inside it?] For the most part, yes, it does. But I don’t have anal sex that much, especially after a rigorous scene like that. The first hour or two after the scene, I felt like I couldn’t hold my stomach in, but after a good night’s sleep everything began to close back up. Now, it’s like, I shart but not any more than a normal person. Sharting is still a rare occurrence in my life, if that’s what you’re wondering.

We weren't, but if you're intrigued, you can read the rest of this unusual interview here.

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While You Were Sleeping: Sean Penn's Pick For Best Actor

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

One of the married Bee Gee's fathered a child with his housekeeper.

Claire Danes is engaged to-- surprise-- one of her ol' co-stars.

Helicopter girl turns out to be a porn star. This would be a post in itself if TMZ hadn't edited out or censored all the good parts.

Italy now has its own Terri Schiavo case. Hopefully, it, too, will spell the beginning of the end of a right-wing dictator-type's stranglehold on a country; in this case, Berlusconi's.

My thirteen-year-old inner self cries at the news of Kristy Swanson's wedding.

Psychologist sex-- it's all the rage.

A relationship with Anne Hathaway seems more appealing by the day...

Being fans of the four-hour Che, we'll side with Sean Penn on this one: he should be up against Benicio del Toro.

Seriously, how did this 70-year-old woman know burglars had sex in her house? Did they leave Polaroids? Condoms? A sex tape? We want to know, damn it.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Sloppy Seconds: Psychology Teachers Getting In On The Student Sex Craze

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Ron Jeremy On Sex, His Grandma, and Why Porn Was Better in the 80s

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 19:38:00 GMT

Ron Jeremy may have officially passed John Holmes as the greatest and most famous male porn star in history. If Time Magazine is catching on to the cultural phenomenon that is hipster Ron J worship, then maybe it's time to crown him...

Here are excerpts from the epic and exciting tale of one Ron Hyatt, some waiter dude from Queens who worked in the Catskills and has always had the world's worst mustache. Apparently, he has been in an adult film or two, and got his start by taking daguerreotypes of his wang and sending them to Playgirl by intercontinental pony express, which may have been illegal.

[When] people looked up R. Hyatt in Queens... they were getting my grandmother, Rose Hyatt, who lived downstairs. My poor grandmother was being woken up night and day, mostly by guys. Playgirl likes to think that their audience is mostly women, but no, no, the majority is gay. My poor grandma had to move.
I wasn't getting the liftoff as quickly as they did. It was embarrassing. It's funny because now, years later when I am not taking Viagra and the other guy does, I am still slow to the punch.
We were up in the Catskills, and I had a very good sex life, to the point where when I was once late to dinner and told the maitre d' I was with a girl. He said, and I remember his exact words, "Anybody else I would forgive but with you it's like brushing your teeth. You're late; you're being docked pay."
I just loved acting, doing dialogue. All my friends were still doing theater off-off-Broadway and I was doing film. Yes it's porn, but it still goes into theaters. They still had acting back then. They had big scripts. There were no videos back then, no DVDs, no Internet. I came at a time they called the Golden '80s.
Most of them had been to college. Some have come from broken homes, some from abusive homes. What I tell kids when I lecture in colleges is that porn is largely a microcosm of Hollywood itself. There were kids who wanted to do something goofy and crazy. Some were actors who wanted to go for an acting career, like me, and settled for this...
I just did [a porno] a few days ago, a benefit for a great New York director who has serious colon cancer. We all did a free porn film. I did a sex thing with a sweet girl named Candy, she's actually here because we did a scene and she is staying over. (Giggling in the background.)

Here's the rest.

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Porn Star For Senate

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 17:40:00 GMT

David Vitter, the Republican Senator from Louisiana, is still dogged by revelations he had sex with prostitutes and dressed in adult diapers to get himself off. He faces an uncertain battle for re-election in this solidly red state, mainly thanks to a low public approval rating.

One possible challenger: porn star Stormy Daniels...

Her website includes these extremely relevant biographical notes:

In 2004, Stormy’s trailblazing career continued as she became a director for Wicked Pictures and, utilizing her natural writing talents, began penning original screenplays. She has since won numerous awards for her writing, directing, and acting. Stormy’s groundbreaking success in the adult entertainment industry transcended into mainstream entertainment as well. She has appeared in a variety of films, including the 2005 comedy The 40-Year-Old Virgin, starring famed comedian Steve Carell.

In other words, she's probably more qualified than David Vitter to represent the seedy and corrupt state of Louisiana.

It's The Economy, Sexy

Stormy understands the double edge sword of 21^st century technology in a global market environment. And she understands that protecting individual enterprise and production in an info-tech economy is one of the biggest challenges we face in our quest to rescue the free market.
Challenging times call for new perspectives. Stormy Daniels will infuse Congress with the entrepreneurial experience and inspiration needed to meet these challenges with confidence. [Draft Stormy Daniels]

Stormy hasn't even authorized this website about her, so who knows how serious this is. And while this is likely total bullshit, Daniels wouldn't be the first (or even second or third) porn star to run for public office...

Via Draft Stormy For US Senate.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:12:00 GMT

The police used to have a fetish for busting dying dope smokers. Now, they're getting into busting up private dance studios that teach pole dancing.

Here's your daily creep. Today, it's a driving school instructor.

Can you believe Bon Jovi hadn't been inducted into the New Jersey Hall of Fame? These judges give the state a bad name...

People are afraid to even acknowledge they know who Sasha Grey is-- even after calling her name in public.

Drunk driving is so 2008. How about drunk helicoptering?

Careful when you decide to beat up a guy caught robbing someone's purse-- he may have been in the right.

Morrissey is butt naked!

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Tucson Gets the Shaft-- Literally-- During the Super Bowl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 15:53:00 GMT

Talk about adding insult to injury. Not only were Arizona Cardinals fans distraught over the last minute victory of their rivals, the Pittsburgh Steelers, they also had to contend with a sudden interruption in Comcast's service right after the big touchdown.

But it's not the interruption itself that had people so pissed off-- it's what they interrupted the game for...

Just after the Cardinals scored their go-ahead touchdown, Comcast subscribers in the Tucson area had a moment that makes us forget all about boring ol' Nipplegate. Check it out:

Then all of a sudden, the screen freezes up... and this is what we see:

This porn movie features a big dick that's taking forever to come out of this star's pants. We'll spare you the peen, which flops around on screen...

Top Photo: Barton Silverman/NY Times.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 15:56:00 GMT

At the Adult Expo in Vegas earlier this month, everyone was talking about The RealTouch, basically a masturbation device for the virtual reality era, which, if we're not mistaken, was in 1992.

While this item is of questionable modern day relevance, we had to share it with you because of its revolutionary combination of internet porn, sleek design, and Sasha Grey... seriously.

Developed by a guy who used to work for NASA (or so he claims-- the space people aren't talking), the RealTouch is best described by its manufacturer. (Warning: Porny language and offensive, arguably derogatory comments about women.)

Simply connect the USB cable to your computer and in just moments you're synched up to the hot sex on the screen. Feel every flick of her tongue, every clinched muscle, and every tremble of her body as she comes. No other product captures the delicate nuances of the female body quite like RealTouch. Whether you prefer amazing blowjobs, fucking a tight ass, or a wet pussy, the revolutionary design of RealTouch lets you break all the rules without breaking any promises.

One blogger notes: "Cleaning seems a bit problematic (and questionably hygienic) as the unit cannot be submerged in water or placed in your dishwasher."

For all this gooey greatness (if this is your thing, that is-- for us, we'll stick to actual sex, thanks), you'll be paying $150. For that, they'll throw in Amy Fisher, Gianna Michaels, Jada Fire, Jenna Haze, and Sasha Grey, to name a few, all of whom appear in virtual reality-style porn point-of-view flicks that apparently come with the device. (This hasn't been made clear and the site doesn't yet allow for purchases.)

We'll also satsify your desires [says the girl in the introductory video] with a walk on the wild side: try trannies, midgets, or well-hung shemales!

Good luck and please do not let us know how it worked for you.

Via RealTouch.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 14:16:00 GMT

Lily Allen's bizarre, Amy Winehouse-style rampage continues.

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Who do you think said this: "I know people will find that as another thing to hate me on, but fuck it. I'm open to doing porn. Hell, I'll even do bisexual scenes - myself, another man and a woman, or just me and two women. I know people will find that as some weird shit, but I am who I am." The answer? Kanye West.

It's definitely over between Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling, friends. Macadams is now dating Josh Lucas.

Good for Young Jeezy for standing up to Bill O'Reilly: "I felt it was necessary."

Right-wing Democrat Kirsten Gillibrand is likely to be named as Hillary Clinton's replacement in the Senate about the time you read this.

And Zooey Deschanel is working with M. Ward on their followup to She & Him: Volume One. Hopefully, her fiancee, Ben Gibbard, will refrain from droning on in his lyric writing during their rumored collaboration.

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 19:45:00 GMT

Remember how, just the other day, we were speculating on the next form of desperate advertising? We predicted that, what with all the full frontal nudity in American Apparel ads, the only thing left for marketing people to try was blatant hardcore sex.

While we were only half-serious, we couldn't have realized how close we were to the truth. For the very next day, a story broke about an ad agency using actual prostitutes in a campaign...

It appears to be a legitimate activist attempt to start a discussion about legalizing prostitution, right? Actually, it's yet another not-so-guerilla stunt by a ratings-starved radio station without anything else to offer. (You can see the logo for Toronto's CFRB 1010 in the bottom right corner of the signs.)

In an interview with local media, the Bad Date Coalition of Toronto, which advocates for sex workers, attacked the ad and its producers:

“It’s to give that radio station attention. It has nothing to do with helping out the sex worker … It’s using them,” she said. “If we wanted to have an actual discussion … have the sex workers come in and have it in a place where it’s safe and where people can call in and respectfully ask questions.”
She said having the women display a sign on the street “sets them up” to be targeted by police and predators.

While we don't disagree with her on the radio station bit, it's a bit silly to say the signs set them up to be targeted by police-- after all, they were already standing there, working as prostitutes, being targets for police, when the ad agency waltzed by and asked if they wanted to earn an hour's wage without doing anything illegal, which can't be a bad thing.

Via Toronto's National Post.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Just before the new year, we reported on the Sasha Grey full frontal American Apparel ad. Our post ended up being widely circulated, but no one pointed out to us that Sasha was kicking off a campaign of rampant nudity for the clothing manufacturer...

First, there was the European ad that preceded Sasha's foray into mainstream advertising, a layout we only just learned of today:

Here's the Sasha Grey ad we wrote about previously, calling it the extreme end of the advertising spectrum, for what else is there for marketing to try? Actual hardcore sex?

And the mysterious new ad. Can anyone tell us who this strangely anonymous lass is?

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Larry Flynt: How's About A Porn Bailout?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 21:25:00 GMT

You knew the world was in trouble when even prostitution and pornography were suffering from the financial crisis.

Porn may have been the hardest hit-- sales and rentals are down (it's not like you can find DVDs anymore, what with all the stores being forced to close), while free porn sites have reported a jump in web traffic since the downturn began. Hell, even Naughty America, among the most popular of web porn makers, is closing offices and laying (off) employees. But instead of salvaging what remains of America's two oldest professions, Congress instead rewarded banks, institutions that already have all our savings, with all of our tax dollars, too.

Larry Flynt has a much better and far more entertaining solution to the crisis...

“The take here is that everyone and their mother want to be bailed out from the banks to the big three,” said Owen Moogan, spokesman for Larry Flynt. “The porn industry has been hurt by the downturn like everyone else and they are going to ask for the $5 billion. Is it the most serious thing in the world? Is it going to make the lives of Americans better if it happens? It is not for them to determine.”

Right here, thanks to the most honest and amusing, Zen-like press statement in history, is reason enough to give Larry and co. all the money Obama was going to set aside for things like Federal highways and, you know, gas for Air Force One.

"...the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people."

"People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt said in the statement. "This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex."

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It's time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly." [CNN]

God bless Larry Flynt, producer of last year's "Nailin' Paylin"-- without him, one would lose hope in humanity's ability to goof on everyone and everything in the most offensive and/or hilarious ways imaginable. Just check out these (NSFW language!) video highlights:

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Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 16:56:00 GMT

We always wondered when advertisements would feature nothing but naked woman and the name of the product ("Cheerios, brought to you by a naked Heidi Klum in a barren studio.") We shouldn't have been surprised to see it happening so soon, and with Sasha Grey and American Apparel the culprits...

The above and below photos play in an even-more NSFW version on a blog promoting American Apparel ads. The only indication they are an ad at all (and not a flash version of one of Grey's pornos) is the American Apparel logo at the end... and the fact that she is wearing yellow socks... in two of the shots...

According to this blog, written by Nerve's own Susannah Breslin, which has the fullest version of the Flash ad, the photo shoot was done by the same woman responsible for this memorable billboard:

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Happy Belated Birthday to Porn Star Ginger Lynn

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 22:29:00 GMT

You may not believe this absolutely true story about having 69 on our 18th birthday with porn star Ginger Lynn, but we'll tell it to you anyway...

Ginger Lynn, who turned 46 on Sunday, performed at a strip club in Connecticut on my 18th birthday and brought meup onstage to perform fifty pushups from the 69 position, with my face planted securely in her crotch. The entire audience counted each pushup out loud, just to make sure I knew they were there, leering. Then she gave me her wet T-shirt, which I subsequently lost.

As Ginger tells us to this day, "I'm so glad I can say I took your virginity on your eighteen birthday." Little does she know...

Happy birthday, Miss Lynn... keep on truckin', much as you did in this classic Metallica video:

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