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While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

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While You Were Sleeping: Flirting Caused That Plane Crash

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 14:02:00 GMT

Hurricane Ike may have caused a baby boom in Texas.

Playboy may cut back on the number of issues it puts out every year and raise the newsstand price. A truly sad day for America.

Holy balls! Dolph Lundgren had a penis slip!

It's time we started to boycott people who boycott Pepsi for it's "pro-gay and human rights agenda."

Sounds like many of the places we've worked: seven people were hospitalized when their work refrigerator cleanup proved to be horribly toxic and stankin'.

A toilet kneeler-- and what exactly would anyone need this for?

The plane crash in Buffalo may have been caused by a middle-aged co-pilot hitting on his young female co-pilot. Oh, and the fact that the guy was basically unqualified to fly commercial planes might have been a contributing factor.

And remind us what Sarah Palin has accomplished beyond being elected Governor after running a tiny village into the ground that warrants a "memoir?"

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Son of the Montauk Monster!

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Sloppy Seconds: No Bullet-Proof Bras For You

Sloppy Seconds: These Boobs Are Made of Magic

Quickie: Is Free Porn Killing Off The Industry?

Drew Grant — Tue, 12 May 2009 19:44:00 GMT

Playboy is reducing it's frequency in publishing, and throwing tamer parties. Gay titles such as Mandate Playguy, Torso, Honcho, and Inches have gone off to the great porny heaven in the sky. Turns out getting naked for pay isn't as lucrative as it once was (unless you are in Bible college), and just as it goes in the rest of the media, it's because the "Democratic" web has allowed us access to too much free content that we'll no longer consider paying for it. Even celebrities can't make money off their cleavage anymore; not when any anon tipster with a camera can spread your boobs around faster than any porn producer could have on his casting couch. And that's just sad.

Related posts:

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Larry Flynt is a Press-Seeking Liar or: I Can Write More than 300 Words at a Time

Playboy Mansion Visit Not Enough Incentive For Stoned Teenage Boys Anymore

Drew Grant — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:45:00 GMT

The Marijuana Project Policy is holding their 4th annual party at the Playboy mansion this year, hosted by Fairuza Balk (hey, 1999! I remember you!) and the Dandy Warhol's (you guys as welll!), but in case you are still some kind of freak that doesn't enjoy boobs, college music, and the chick from The Craft, Team Weed has a special incentive to get you to buy tickets.

And if you purchase tickets between today and May 18, your name will automatically be entered into a raffle to win a free night's stay for June 4 at The Andaz, a luxury hotel near the party.

So only pay the plane fare, ticket costs to get into the Playboy mansion, and the $200 for pot brownies, and you might get a free hotel room for one night only! Hey, maybe you can convince Fairuza you're holding auditions in there.

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Hot or Not: Playboy's 10 Sexiest CEO's

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:28:00 GMT

We're not sure how Playboy's (sadly) Safe For Work list of the ten "sexiest" female CEO's in the US qualifies as "sexiest" or even "sexy." Maybe it's the fact that these women probably make lots of money that appeals to the writer.

Even if you think these are ten incredibly hot babes, it's hard to see what's so appealing about seeing them on the Playboy site in their ~~birthday~~ business suits.

For example, check out the standouts:

Who she is: Julie Smolyansky [see above photo]
CEO of: Lifeway Foods; makers of kefir and other specialty dairy products
Age: 33
2008 revenue: $38.7 million
Year founded: 1986
Website: lifeway.net

Why she’s on top: Julie became CEO, treasurer and president when her father, the founder, died of a sudden heart attack. She went back to work the next morning, and under her direction the company more than quadrupled its stock price. A fitness junkie, she ends every day with a trip to the gym. It's obvious to us that all her investments are yielding impressive returns.

What, no lingerie photos or mock-Got Milk? shots from her session? And no punning remarks?

This one has the lingerie connection and a porn star's last name, but... no luck:

Who she is: Claire Chambers
CEO of: Journelle, a lingerie retail company
Age: 29
2008 revenue: $2 million
Year founded: 2007
Website: journelle.com

Why she's on top: After spending a few years in the buttoned-up worlds of management consulting and investment banking, she slipped into something a little more comfortable: lingerie. Now she spends her days letting women everywhere know that sexy and sophisticated underthings aren't just for special occasions, they're the kind of luxury they should indulge in every day. We couldn’t agree more.

This one's more like it... but... still lacking in the NSFW department:

Who she is: Kerry Knee
CEO of: Flirty Girl Fitness, a fitness lifestyle company
Age: 38
Number of employees: 120
Year founded: 2005
Website: flirtygirlfitness.com

Why she's on top: A former IT exec and calculus major from Toronto, Kerry—and her sister Krista—opened Flirty Girl Fitness as a social club where women can sweat hard in classes like Hottie Body Boxing and XXX Power Strip, then play hard at the "Flirty Girl Bar" afterward. We're burning calories just thinking about it.

See all 10 of the women at Playboy.com.

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10 Sexiest Women Over 50 (Part Two)

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Will Her Fetus Be Charged As An Accomplice?

Heidi Montag Nude In Playboy?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:02:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Word is she and Spencer are in negotiations with Hef...

Read more...

Lisa Rinna Poses For Playboy At 45, Just For the Hell of It

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Lisa Rinna doesn't need Hugh Hefner's money. The former Melrose Place and Days Of Our Lives star is quite content to do Broadway with her husband and the occasional season of Dancing With the Stars.

But she says she wanted to prove that her body is still great at nearly half a century. What do you think?

Rinna, who is married to actor Harry Hamlin, says her husband encouraged her to show off her body in this month's Playboy. The actress, who has had plastic surgery and botox, didn't need to think it over for too long. And the idea of doing a Mrs. Robinson-inspired shoot with her favorite photographer was icing on the cake:

In 1998, Rinna created a stir when she posed for a nude pictorial while six months pregnant in the September issue of Playboy magazine. She will pose again in 2009. Rinna explains she received direct orders from Playboy photographer Deborah Anderson, who also shot Rinna for the Room 23 book. "She said, 'I do not want you long and sinewy and angular and muscular. I want you soft,' " says Rinna. "This was really hard for me because being 45 years old and posing for Playboy, you want to amp it up," Rinna told People. [Wikipedia]

America's Next Topless Model Is... The Judge

This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:06:00 GMT

We hope this is real and not the viral marketing work of some jean company...

Sometimes the stories are too small for their own posts. Sometimes there are two many stories for one week, which is definitely the case here.

Today, we'll present: the Not Ready For Daytime Players... in This Week in Sex, featuring tales of football teams, Bollywood nudity, Melissa Joan Hart, Playboy, brothers, and... Susan Boyle?!

A minister in Florida (where else) is being investigated for possibly sexually assaulting members of a high school football team. The man allegedly promised his victims help in their athletic careers-- not sure how his religion fits into sports. Maybe he promised to rig the coin tosses?

Apparently, there will be full frontal male nudity in a Bollywood movie. (We can't confirm that this is actually the first legitimate male nude scene from that genre, but it sounds about right.)

Melissa Joan Hart says she never did Playboy because her Maxim cover caused her brother too much embarrassment.

The State of Nevada decided not to tax brothel sex, but not before this classic quote was delivered:

"I don't know why people won't recognize that we have a legal industry," state Sen. Bob Coffin, who introduced the legislation, told the Associated Press. "I'm willing to go in and do the dirty work if no one else will."

Thanks, Senator, but your sexpertise won't be required. Moving on...

Those scary-lookers had some of the loudest sex we've ever heard (of.)

In Indiana, two little girls walked in on group sex in the bathroom of their local people Taco Bell.

Unlike our cheerleading coach friend, this woman deserved get fired: a teacher was given the boot for taking a bunch of girls to a strip club. The biggest problem is that some of the girls were under 18 and could've been arrested.

And the new porn marketing gimmick is officially is to offer whomever dominates the news a role in adult film in exchange for a million dollars:

See what [Publicity-Hungry Production Assholes] did there? Set up an entire website for something that will never happen (much like the Octomom porn) and then sit back and watch the traffic skyrocket for a headline that reads "Susan Boyle Does a Porn (Maybe)." Chances are, Boyle will never even see this site, and has never been contacted by these people. But just associating their adult films with a recent phenomena is the oldest trick in the book. Although who would ever pay to see Boyle lose her virginity on camera is another story alltogether.

This Teenage Sex Tape Craze Is Getting Out of Hand...

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Cheerleading Coach In Hottest Nude Photo Scandal Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:20:00 GMT

Channel 13 in Sacramento claims to have been "up all night" (you'll believe it when you see the photos) working on the story of Carlie Christine, a cheerleading coach at Casa Robles High School, who was outed as a Playboy and internet porn pinup yesterday after she got on the bad side of a bunch of bitchy wannabe cheerleaders.

But unlike everyone else foaming at the mouth over this amusing tale of moonlighting gone wrong, we have the photographic evidence to prove it really happened...

Christine, it turns out, used her real name (or at least the same name she teaches under) in posing for Playboy, which made it a cinch that the entire football team would eventually stumble across the snaps, which it did. But it was when an undetermined number of girls were kicked off the cheerleading squad for skipping school their awful parents leaked the online photos to shocked school officials.

According to the local media, Christine has been fired from her coaching job, although we'd be surprised if she doesn't quickly make ten times the money modeling. We found something CBS missed: Carlie Christine's modeling website.

I am shorter in stature but photograph very proportionate and I stay thin and toned.
I currently have shoulder-length natural brown hair and intend on keeping it the same from now on.
I do have four small tattoos that I cover with makeup or have airbrushed out for photos unless they are wanted for the shoot.

More of her nude photos, including full frontal images, can be seen here.

Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

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Shockingly, This Teacher Did Something Inappropriate to Students

Read Porn In Public

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:49:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: You know that old trick where you'd be reading a comic book in class, and put it in your math book so "no-one" would know what you were doing? Time to take it to the next level:

Read more...

World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model Inspired By the Pope

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:09:00 GMT

Polish model and soon-to-be megafamous sex symbol Joanna Krupa gave an interview to FoxNews this week about how she got into this whole business of laying about half-undressed... and totally undressed.

Blame the Pope.

Krupa, a Polish 20-something recently named The World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model by Playboy (Bar Rafaeli is crying in her two piece), says that it's her European upbringing that made her comfortable enough with herself to do tasteful nudity:

"I think worrying about going topless in a photo shoot or film is really ridiculous," Krupa told FOXNews.com in an exclusive interview. "And the fact is Pope John Paul said, since we were born naked, it is art, and it's just showing a beautiful body that God created."

Amen. [Yes. That's Fox's word.]

"I was born in Europe, and Europeans have a more casual, natural way of dealing with nudity," Krupa adds. "Interestingly enough, these days, you see nudity and toplessness in almost every critically acclaimed movie, and whenever I pick up a French Vogue, I see bare breasts, and French Vogue still sets the standards."

"I can tell you that I am very proud that everything I have achieved to date has happened due to the hard work of my team and myself," she said. "I was never tempted to give in [to the casting couch] because I have always been in committed relationships, and take the word 'committed' very seriously."

"I live a normal life where family and love comes first. The minute I leave a set, I go back to my regular life and simply enjoy a night at home with my sweetheart and dogs, and if we go out, it's just with a few good friends. I watch the circus, but don't join it. People expect a busy model to be on every party and to indulge in crazy behavior, drugs and multiple lovers - I represent the opposite of that."

Krupa also adds that a PETA ad might not be far off..

"I dedicate as much time as I can to fight for animal rights, and against horrific realities like fur factories and puppy mills," she added. "I also have a column on www.bestswimwear.com where I talk about how to get your body in bikini shape, while still enjoying life, and especially food."

Here's that bikini shape she was talking about:

And the NSFW photos that made the Pope proud are below...

WARNING: NSFW BOOBS... as if the above photos aren't...

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Playboy's Famous Naked Female Cop Resurfaces

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Carol Shaya made the cover of Playboy in August of '94, back when we still drooled over the magazine... back before we signed up for America Online and found an internet full of nudity. For about two weeks that summer, Shaya was our teenage crush-- back then we still fell in love with the women we lusted after, instead of keeping them (sadly) separate.

We remember reading with little surprise-- even in those days-- that the NYPD had fired her for appearing in the magazine, which apparently made her realize it hadn't been worth it.

Shaya hasn't really been heard from since. As far as anyone knew, she had gone into some small town modeling or a security job in Butte and simply vanished. Then TMZ found her yesterday in Los Angeles and new and interesting details about her life emerged very quickly:

Shaya is a lesbian. Which is not news, of course, but this is: she was attacked and nearly strangled by her ex-girlfriend, whom she had just broken up with. The ex-po-lice claims Jessica Phillips grabbed her by the throat and slammed her against the refrigerator in an incident in March. Shaya also says Phillips assaulted her mom and practically tossed the poor woman out of their shared California home to prevent her from staying with the couple. Either this is the worst mother-in-law ever or Phillips is-- no, clearly Phillips is just from Crazyland.

Unfortunately, all this forced Shaya to return to the spotlight. As soon as her name popped up in court papers, the tabloids were all over the still-young woman. We've decided not to show you her nude photos either... although they can be Googled if you're crafty. We wish her the peace she so clearly needs. From Wikipedia:

At first reports of the appearance, the New York City Police Department attempted to ignore the incident, but then gradually took escalating measures. In July 1994, Shaya was reassigned to a desk job at the Bronx Borough Command, not as a disciplinary action, but due to other female officers in her precinct complaining about verbal harassment from residents, who were asking about Officer Shaya's location and comparing them to her. On October 28, the NYPD filed departmental charges against Shaya, for unauthorized off-duty employment and improper use of her uniform and the Police Department logo. A police panel recommended a month's suspension, but the final decision was left to the New York City Police Commissioner. On March 7, 1995, Commissioner William J. Bratton dismissed Shaya, now using her married name Shaya-Castro, from the New York City police department. Bratton ruled that Shaya-Castro's appearance in Playboy violated the City Charter and the department's rules, so she was unfit to be a police officer. He also cited her record, which included only three arrests in four years.

Via TMZ.

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Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 13:50:00 GMT

Jim Gibbons, Republican Governor of Nevada and accused sexual assailant, is one helluva piece of work. We've previously told you about Gibbons and an incident involving a waitress who claims she was assaulted and told to "shut up" by the Governor one night in a parking garage, although no charges were filed.

Now, the juicy details of the Gibbons family divorce are burning up the wire...

Mrs. Dawn Gibbons was sick of Gibbons and his philandering, although it was the Governor who filed for divorce last spring. Nonetheless, she has a bone to pick with him about his affairs with two specific women, although more infidelities are alleged.

1) One woman received approximately 860 texts from Gibbons's state-issued cell. When this information first came to light, Romeo was forced to reimburse $130. According to USA Today, Gibbons denies these were love notes.

2) As depicted in the photograph above, the Love Gov. is alleged to have snatched up a colleague's ex-wife: specifically the ex-wife of Reno's Mayor, who happens to be Leslie Durant, a former Playboy bunny and, we believe, Miss September 1989, something not reported in the mainstream media. (See here for a blog that discusses their relationship and outs her as 9/89's girl.) UPDATE: It has come to our attention that someone other than a Leslie Durant was Miss September that year, although there is a variety of evidence Leslie Durant (probably under her maiden name) appeared in Playboy that month.

Let us remind everyone that it's better to break up with someone than to cheat on them and try to get away with it. Gibbons hasn't learned that lesson from Bill Clinton or Spitzer, apparently.

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Rumormongering: Rihanna Gave Chris Brown Herpes

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Knew About The Promiscuous Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:52:00 GMT

How far is too far in the quest for employment? If you're still unemployed, then you haven't gone far enough.

We're glad PETA is using the lovely and highly intelligent Alyssa Milano in their ad, but we kinda wish they had made her show more skin.

Miss Maryland USA 2004 was busted for drugs. No, not for doing drugs... selling drugs.

Friends with benefits relationships account for 60% of college couples.

We're going to put a Dylan bootleg mix CD together for Senator Feingold.

The 2009 Pillow Fight in New York City was held outside the Stock Exchange as some sort of protest.

What exactly was a UK regulator thinking when it fined the Playboy Channel thousands of pounds for broadcasting sexual content? What did everyone think they were going to broadcast?

Vote for the next star of PG Porn.

We already mentioned Levin Johnston on Tyra. What we didn't mention was that he said that the loving couple stayed over at the Governor's house on several occasions and that Sarah Palin "probably knew" her daughter had an active sex life. This woman is the very personification of "fail."

And if Regina Lynn's blocked on Southwest's in-flight wifi, so must we...

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Pin-Ups for Sneakerheads

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 20:27:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: Every straight male sneakerhead's fantasy has just come true.

Click below for more photos from Playboy's "Hot Chicks, Cool Kicks" feature:

Read more...

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Dies in A Freak Car Accident

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:08:00 GMT

This whole "writing about fingerbanging classes" trend is really getting annoying.

Who is Melissa Rycroft and why is Hugh Hefner offering her half a million dollars to pose for Playboy?

Hummer vs. school bus. Guess who wins?

A couple of things: how did the cameraperson know to film at that moment? Does the second animal live there? (It sure seems friendly if it doesn't.) And why is the second clip for 8:17 and the first from 8:18. Other than those obvious question marks, we love this video.

Minnesota cops now have their very own Oscar Grant case.

Rihanna is apparently cooperating with prosecutors after all. And she's supposed to be on Oprah with Chris Brown at some point soon.

And this Fox News story comes from a Sun story that turns out to have been completely made up. Fox reports a prank as a true story-- it's a case of a fake "news" company reporting fake news!

If you like that, you'll just flip for the gBall. Pretty crazy, eh?

It's still early, so here's one of the few practical jokes we've seen for... April Fool's!

And if you really think Miley Cyrus died in a freak car accident last night, you obviously weren't around for last year's April Fool's Day either.

Bill O'Reilly's Dirty Talk Express

While You Were Sleeping: Jen and John Redux

Zac Efron's Mom Is Cooler Than We Are

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Hates The New York Times

While You Were Sleeping: Oprah's School's Sex Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Attention, ladies: Gerard Butler's next movie features the actor in a nude scene.

Bruno has been slapped with an NC-17 rating for pervasive sexxx.

Josh Hartnett is in the hospital for stomach pains. Cue gerbil allegations in three, two...

The weirdest (but maybe most interesting) story in ages: the woman who starved her 1-year-old son to death because her cult would not let the boy eat unless he said "Amen" pled guilty in the most unusual plea deal we've ever heard of. Prosecutors claim that the only way they could get her to take the deal was to promise-- and this they had to do in open court-- that, should the child be resurrected (as his mother claims he will one day), the charges are withdrawn. God bless Baltimore, baby.

A boy (age unknown) won a $2.3 million negligence settlement against the physician who botched his circumcision. I wouldn't do it for anything less than moving the decimal point two places to the right.

Oprah Winfrey's famous South African school is seeing its second sex scandal in as many years.

Sarah Palin has to pick a Democrat to fill a state Senate seat in Alaska. So, of course, she has a Republican switch his voter registration, say that there was something "wrong" with it, and take the seat. This is totally excusable politics, except for the fact that they're so sneaky and lie about their reasoning, the Democrats who have to accept this will never do it. Can Governor Palin do anything right?

A bunch of Somali pirates attacked... a decoy ship filled with troops looking for pirates to capture. Nice.

And Holly Madison claims to have insisted on "minimal" Photoshopping at Playboy during her time there.

Is Our Children Learning About Internet Porn?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 15:21:00 GMT

The Sun, like the rest of us here in the world of serious journalism, has been unable to find anything interesting to talk about from this weekend's wire reports. So, instead, it decided to make up a crisis: "Internet Porn is Ruining Our Childrens' Futures, By God!"

Normally, we see this kind of idiotic rant on a daily basis and pass it by without even consciously registering that we've seen it. However, we're quite glad to have seen The Sun's disastrously funny take on the state of British teenagers... and we haven't even made it halfway yet...

A GENERATION of teens are growing up thinking they should behave like PORN STARS.

You gotta love the Sun for these opening lines. The combination of bold text and random ALL CAPS gives their leads the feel of a CRAZY-ASS New York City SUBWAY BUM POET'S handmade rant signs. ("WoRDSworth isn't worth SHIT. read ThiS!")

It leads to them having unsafe sex, boob jobs and Hollywood waxes. Girls as young as 14 and 15 are even stripping on webcams and sending pictures to boyfriends — who think writhing in front of a lens is the norm.

Oh, now they're called Hollywood waxes? Do you think-- I mean, really-- that girls are getting their pubic hair waxed because Jenna Haze gets it done? Right here, you know this Sun writer is just making this all up 10 minutes before her deadline.

Nearly nine out of ten youngsters aged 14 to 17 have seen porn and nearly one in five are viewing it more than once a week.

Look, Sun writer, I have a confession to make. When I was 14, I saw porn more than once a week. Every single guy I knew saw porn at least as much as I did-- it's called "stealing Playboy's from your uncle when he's drunk." And not one of the guys I knew ever got laid until they were at least 18. At least.

Sixty three per cent of teens surveyed say they do not discuss sex openly at home, while 77 per cent of those who watch porn say their parents are unaware they do it.

This may be the part that blows our minds the most. 77% of teens have been able to keep their porn addiction a secret? Meaning nearly a quarter of British parents are letting their kids get away with it? Wow... those are some cool parents.

You can read the rest of this nonsense here.

Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Every guy has a childhood story about finding the nudie mags under their friend's dad's bed. Ours involves raiding our best friend's father's Playboy collection, dating back to the mid-sixties, and going over centerfolds ranging from famous rock groupie Bebe Buell to Vicki Iovine, wife of the great record producer Jimmy Iovine.

But we always got bored with the nude women posing in the same exact way. We ended up digging to the bottom for the Victoria's Secret catalog with Elle MacPherson on the cover. To us, the tease was better than the full monty.

With that in mind, here are Five of our Favorite Sex Scenes Featuring Lingerie...

5. Gia. This first surfaced on the internet entitled "Banned Lingerie Commercial." Yeah, right-- even lingerie commericals aren't this hot. Should this automatically be #1 on any list of anything, including lists that have nothing to do with sex? Yes. Are we too lazy to move it to the bottom of this post? Indeed.

4. Two Days in the Valley. Skip to 0:22 to the part where James Spader finally shuts up when Charlize and her long, long, long legs enter the bedroom... and then they both don't shut up. Ever.

3. Mutual Needs. Is this a porno? Rochelle Swanson's in it, so it must be... but who's complaining? If you have five minutes to kill today, this is how you should spend it.

2. Layer Cake. Skip to 1:30 to build on the hotness. Thinking that this PG-13 movie would be lacking in uncomfortable sex scenes, we decided a Daniel Craig action movie might be a good choice for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Whoops. Sienna Miller here explains why she is able to hypnotize men into leaving their wives-- she just pops in a DVD of this scene:

1. El Beso del Sueno. Maribel Verdu from Y Tu Mama Tambien and... some old guy... in what was obviously her audition for the famous blockbuster Alfonse Cuaron film. Did that movie top this one in her terms of hotness? Of course... but don't miss the close up of Verdu's panties... Cuaron didn't think of that.

Bonus: Lori Loughlin from Full House in what may or may not be lingerie (or is a simple dress?) from Suckers.

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Miss March Missing Something... Oh Yeah, Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 20:00:00 GMT

Have you heard that there's a new movie called Miss March by two guys from the Whitest Kids You Know? We sure as hell didn't.

Apparently, it's about the war between abstinence and promiscuous, rampant, glorious sex...

In an interview with The Knoxville News-Sentinel, of all sources, writer/co-director/star Zach Cregger discusses his B-comedy's place in the debate. Creger, playing Eugene, a guy about to give in to his hot girlfriend's demands that they have sex on prom night, ends up falling down a flight of stairs and cracking his head open. He winds up in a coma for four years, emerging only to find out that his girlfriend is now the Playboy centerfold for the month of March. Somehow, this leads to a road trip to the Playboy Mansion... and a rendezvous with sexual destiny:

"It's basically about what I was like in my youth," says the 27-year-old Cregger, who wrote, co-directed and stars in the teen comedy, in theaters Friday. "He is very pro-abstinence, very polarized on the topic of sex. He's very puritanical."
"There is a message in the movie," says Cregger, who is single but in a committed relationship, "but it's not about not waiting."

Tucker "has an equally unrealistic view about sex," Cregger says. "He wants to have sex with as many people as possible before marriage."

Then what is Cregger's movie trying to say? "There's so many different ways to look at sex, all equally as unhealthy," he says. "There is a middle ground, and you have to let some of these things go sometimes."

Cregger says "Miss March" also shines a bit of light on subjects rarely talked about. For instance, "sometimes," he says, "guys are afraid of sex."

You can read the rest of the story here and check out the trailer here. Miss March opens tomorrow in select cities.

Who Would You Rather: Seth Rogen vs. Seth Rogen?

Let's Settle This Ridiculous First-Date Pay Debate Once And For All

While You Were Sleeping: Britain's Next Topless Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Don't cancel your Mexican vacation, says the country's President... the shocking drug violence there will be all cleared up, you know, in 2012.

Brittany Snow will appear in a new spinoff of Gossip Girl, a popular educational program.

Another supermodel bites the dust... Gisele Bundchen and Tom Brady were married in Santa Monica yesterday, after having denied the wedding rumors for months, even years.

Jake and Reese are rumored to be the next celebrity couple that will walk down the aisle.

Kate Nash is already one step ahead of them, although her fiancee is an unknown.

Just the latest in a long line of 45-year-old hotties to grace the nudie mag, Lisa Rinna will be the next one to pose for Playboy.

This unanimous Supreme Court ruling on religious monuments in public parks is extremely troublesome.

The woman in the car during Morgan Freeman's car accident claims he was drunk. Oh, and she's absolutely not his mistress. And one more: she's suing him for not denying the mistress thing.

Hero of the day? A mother ran into her daughter's rapist while he was out of jail on a weekend pass. He asked after her daughter, apparently in a gleeful manner, and so she followed him into a bar, poured a bottle of petrol all over him and... struck a match...

And Britain's Next Top Model is already topless...

Topless Coffee Shop Opens In Maine, Not Without Controversy, Bottoms

The Rise and Fall of Lindsay Lohan

Obama Crashes Carnival Party, Thanks to Naked Carnival Queen

Sloppy Seconds: Annie Leibovitz's Financial Woes

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:39:00 GMT

Netflix will offer a streaming-only service, but apparently it still won't be available to Mac users. [Wired]

Former Hugh Hefner flame and original Girl Next Door Holly Madison has split from Criss Angel after nearly four months. [Yahoo!]

It looks like there's some not-so-hot lesbian action coming to Desperate Housewives' Wisteria Lane. [Us]

Maybe John Mayer really is that into Jennifer Aniston? [People]

What happens when a skinny reporter goes to fashion week in a fat suit? [Jezebel]

Annie Leibovitz took out a loan against her photographs to pay off her mortgage debt. When Leibovitz's long-time partner Susan Sontag died in 2004, she left several properties to the photographer, who has struggled to afford to keep them. [AfterEllen]

[Image]

Who Would You Rather: Seth Rogen vs. Seth Rogen?

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:06:00 GMT

Since Sunday's Academy Awards, much ado has been made about Seth Rogen's somewhat dramatic weight loss. And we have to agree. What the fuck, Seth Rogen? Where is that burly bearded man we fell in love with two years ago? Bring him back please. If you think you need some help, come on out to the Midwest where Mama will make you a casserole with eight different kinds of cheese and take away all of your razor blades.

Ladies, are we right or are we right?

P.S. Seth, we were totally going to make you our Bearded Man of the Week for the whole Playboy thing, but now you've gone and ruined it.

Related:

Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

'Playboy' Picks Its Ninth Play Boy

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

Sloppy Seconds: RNC Chair Tells Critics to "Stuff It"

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:44:00 GMT

We stopped liking theater pretty much after we had that terrible drama mask tattoo covered with something else, but we're intrigued by "In the Next Room (Or the Vibrator Play." [NYT]

Robert De Niro and Van Morrison will be among Jimmy Fallon's first guests when he takes over "Late Night." [Yahoo!]

Lisa Rinna made a point of not hitting the gym before her Playboy shoot. [People]

Just as Richard Simmons offers Jessica Simpson weight loss advice. [Us]

There are very few things that make us miss living in New York, but this Snuggie pub crawl is one of them. [Snuggie Pub Crawl]

Michael Steele, chair of the RNC says he's taking the Republican Party beyond the cutting edge, so far beyond in fact, that it will be "off the hook." If you don't like it? "Stuff it." [CNN]

'Playboy' Picks Its Ninth Play Boy

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 19:41:00 GMT

Burt Reynolds, Dan Aykroyd, Donald Trump, Gene Simmons, Jerry Seinfeld, Leslie Nielsen, Peter Sellers and Steve Martin have all appeared on the cover of Playboy. So which bearded (!!!) gentleman will be Playboy's next play boy?

Seth Rogen:

We'd totally do him. And so we will absolutely buy this issue.

Hopefully, Rogen will help boost the magazine's sales.

Related:

Another Bunny Drop for Playboy

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

Sloppy Seconds: Sexy Round-Ups

Trailer: "Zach and Miri Make a Porno"

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

[Image]

[Source, NSFW]

Another Bunny Drop for Playboy

Colleen Kane — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 15:49:00 GMT

More bad news for the Playboy franchise: Playboy reported a loss in excess of 145 million in the fourth quarter of 2008, and says it expects a 27 percent decline in ad revenue in the first quarter of 2009.

When asked if Playboy would be open to selling the company or taking a new direction, interim CEO Jerome Kern, who took over for Christy Hefner late last month, replied, "Yes, we're open to discussions."

Related:

Bye-Bye Bunnies: Playboy Hops Away From NYC

WIRED Analysis: Playboy's Incredibly Shrinking Women

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

WIRED Analysis: Playboy's Incredibly Shrinking Women

Colleen Kane — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:15:00 GMT

WIRED crunched some numbers, namely the proportions of Playboy models from 1954 to the present day, and determined what we've noticed just through casual observation: earlier Playboy models had a bit more meat on their bones compared to the models of today, who are proportioned more like anime characters. This is in contrast to the average American man and woman, who is getting larger over time. But somehow, the breast sizes of models have mysteriously stayed in the C-D cup range, even though the bust sizes have gone down.

Surprisingly, while to us this study emphasises that women were beautiful back in the 50s and didn't have to mutate to their current unnatural format, the findings have proven rather controversial in the comments of the WIRED article...

LOL! Post a story like this trying to extrapolate that Playboy is sexist and has unrealistic ideals of womanhood, and a bunch of number-crunching nerds go, "wait, the ideal has remained remarkably consistent, modern women are just pigs"... I love it...
Why is this a problem? No, really? It's a mildly interesting fact, perhaps a good cocktail party starter, but . . . who cares? Women who constantly compare themselves to Playboy models (note "models", not "regular women") are like guys who constantly compare themselves to a sports figure or Donald Trump: woefully insecure. Fantasy is fantasy, not ideology, folks.
Playboy doesn't "want" its readers to lust after androids. Playboy simply provides images that guys want to see. If guys liked looking at pics of 200 pound women, that's what playboy would publish. The models are simply getting skinnier and in better shape because they workout, where as in the 60's women never did.
This article is just another in a long line of sad attempts by women to rationalize men's lust for skiny, big boobed hot chicks. Sorry ladies, its not the media or playboy's fault. Nobody has brainwashed us. Its just the way we are.

This response seems kind of grim for the future of women's morphing bodies, or at least the bodies of women who aspire to be in Playboy.

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

While You Were Sleeping: The 3-D Porn Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Ever wonder what repairing a sex doll is like? Wait, you already knew this job existed?

We're hoping Kanye West is kidding when he says he wants to change his name. We are not amused.

Shockingly, your wife may become upset if you turn out to have a secret Playboy subscription.

Try not to panic-- 71,000 jobs were lost yesterday alone.

The hookers are flocking to Florida for the Super Bowl.

Good God! Molly Ringwald is 40 years old. Oh, and she's expecting twins...

The world's first-ever 3D porno flick (or so the producers claim, probably without having done any research) is all set to shoot. We'll, of course, provide a look behind the scenes, assuming this doesn't go way over budget, as an experiment of this magnitude is bound to do.

And forgive Paris Hilton, for she knows not what the hell she's saying.

Larry Flynt is a Press-Seeking Liar or: I Can Write More than 300 Words at a Time

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 22:08:00 GMT

Did you think I was capable of writing only about bearded men and Pete Wentz's penis?

So did I! But apparently that's not the case. I wrote lots and lots of words about how the sex industry is faring in the recession. You should go read it. Here's a little sample:

Even in the midst of Tuesday's joyous inaugural celebration, President Barack Obama turned from his "yes we can" refrain to a chillier "winter of our hardship" line. Pundits and politicians remind us daily that the economy is plunging. As Scanner's lead blogger, I always assumed that the only thing plunging in my vicinity would be necklines. Sex always sells, right? When the stock market collapsed in 1929, people embraced cheap thrills — boozing at speakeasies and visiting brothels — for comfort and distraction. People still hire Scarlett Johansson's breasts to appear in films. Axe Body Spray ads continue to evolve.

But then a struggling alternative weekly turned down my pitch for a sex-advice column. The bunnies Hugh Hefner hasn't fired are fleeing to magicians' hats. I wondered gloomily if Larry Flynt was right that the sex industry was no longer recession-proof.

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind," Flynt said earlier this month in a press release. In an age when two (or more!) equally broke parties can have free, legal casual encounters thanks to Craigslist and other online personals sites, are people still willing to spend what little money they have on sex?

Larry Flynt: How's About A Porn Bailout?

Bye-Bye Bunnies: Playboy Hops Away From NYC

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:07:00 GMT

Playboy magazine is doing what it's looking like all old-fashioned dead-tree magazines need to do: adapt and embrace the Internets. But is Playboy adapting fast enough?

Possibly not. Page Six reports that Playboy Enterprises is consolidating its print and web staffs into one office, and that office is in Chicago. Sounds like it's bye-bye to New York offices...and to more New York jobs. The magazine's editorial director, Chris Napolitano, is being replaced by their web director Jimmy Jellineck.

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy Spreads

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

Image: Playboy.com