Scanner : pictures of boobs

We F-ing Hate That There is F-ing Nude F-ing Hipster Grifter Sh*t We Can F-ing Get Behind

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:29:00 GMT

We know you're sick to death of hearing about Kari Farrell, the hipster grifter, who conned men out of money and Vice into giving her a job (and showed us her boobs). Well, either you're sick to death of hearing about her or you're wishing you would have gotten some from her, even if it meant she ran off with your money. If you're of the former mindset, you, like us, really don't want to see all of this damn hipster grifter paraphernalia. Unless you, like us, really like one of her tattoos and are thinking of getting one of your own and might try it out as a t-shirt for a while.

It's based on this tattoo, which Scanner Brian sent to us last week with the following comment: "You should totally steal that first image as your pre-jump Beard image." To which we replied "Um, I should totally get that tattoo!" We know. But still.

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Via Gawker.

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:53:00 GMT

When the Hipster Grifter, Kari Ferrell, popped up on Scanner today we thought she looked familiar. And we thought, "I want to give you a handjob with my mouth" sounded way too familiar. Then we remembered that our friend had posted a Craigslist ad looking for a date to the Langhorne Slim concert a few weeks ago and an Asian girl with chest tattoos had responded to it and used that exact line. We opened up the email (that he had forwarded us, because we always forward each other our online dating prospects) to compare the tats. And we were right.

Full text of the email after the jump.

From: Korean Abdul-Jabbar <xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: March 31, 2009 5:40:57 AM EDT
To: pers-y6uau-xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Subject: I can fight like the devil, or do what I'm told.

Hello,

I haphazardly stumbled upon your ad on Craigslist, and decided to charm you--with my undeniable wit and good looks (see: roofies)--into taking me to the Langhorne Slim show this Friday evenin'. Now, I realize that you have several candidates to choose from and that is why I compiled this nice list as to why I am "The One".

1.) I can solve complex math equations, harpoon a whale, reference obscure movies/books/songs/bible passages/pornos/wrestlers/Christmas specials, and shoot a potato gun all while simultaneously singing the theme songs from nationally syndicated television programs of the late 70's and early 80's. If that doesn't convince you to take me, I don't know what will, but just in case I'll continue...

2.) I commonly say things like, "I want to give you a hand job with my mouth."

3.) I graduated with my degree in Music Theory, Composition, and Production--and minored in Physics. I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, besides that I like useless degrees. Impressed?

4.) I appreciate all genres of music. I know everyone says that, and sure, maybe some of them even mean it--but I DOUBLE MEAN IT (???). Examples: Bonnie 'P' Billy, Mono, Owen, The Books, Curtis Mayfield, The Gap Band, The Zombies, Glenn Miller Band, Russian Circles, Kashiwa Daisuke, The Magnetic Fields, Sunn O))), Botch, Benny Goodman, Murs, Boris, The Hood Internet, Phosphorescent, Muddy Waters, Akron/Family, Refused, Schubert, and on and on and on.

5.) CLAP HANDS.

6.) I moved here about eight months ago, and though I know many wonderful people, have been feeling a bit homesick lately. One of my favourite memories of times too-long-past is dancing in my friend's kitchen to Langhorne's "Checking Out" with everyone I have ever loved.

7.) Even if you have promised the ticket to someone else, I'll still go to the show with another friend, or by myself. Meaning, I am not emailing you just to get an in to the show--though I guess that IS sort of what your post insinuated people do...

8.) I have boobs. [Ed Note: here they are]

Okay, there you have it. The rest is up to you, my friend.

Love,
Kari

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Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC]

Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us]

I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People]

Madonna donated $2.6 million dollars to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles. She should have also paid a photographer not to take this close-up of her (not that I wouldn't mind looking like that at her age). [FadedYouth]

The folks at Facebook are apparently not fans of The Teet. Last year, the site's administrators took down photos of breastfeeding mothers because they featured "exposed breasts" which apparently violated the Terms of Use. A spokesman for Facebook says that only pictures where a nipple is fully exposed are problems, but some hip Facebook moms staged not only a virtual protest, they got out from behind their computers and suckling babes and demonstrated outside of Facebook's offices in California. [Jezebel]

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[Image]

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Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 21:51:00 GMT

Every time I complain to my double-D mom about the breast injustice in my family, she reminds me that "men would rather have lemon drops on an ironing board than fake ones." Then Scanner Brian posited this this morning and no one answered. Now we need to know, is it true?

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[Image, Image]

Porn Star Lunch Lady Scares Parents

Scanner Matt — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 21:44:00 GMT

Louisa C. Tuck, formerly known as Crystal Gunns, has incensed a number of sanctimonious parents who are demanding she be fired from her current job as their elementary school’s part-time cafeteria worker and playground monitor due to her porn star past.

The Daily Journal reports that parents insist Tuck/Gunns be ousted from their Vineland, New Jersey elementary school after learning of her former career, but lawyers on both sides of the issue say there are no legal grounds to give her the pink slip due to the fact that she hasn't done anything illegal.

Tuck says she’s only making $5,772 a year and claims she quit the industry five years ago when she was twenty-seven. We are sure some of these self-righteous parents would rather not talk about the things they did in their twenties, so why not leave the poor woman alone and end the witch hunt?

We assume this may inspire an onslaught of humor-intended pun-ridden porn flick titles (Sloppy Second Joes?) or give new meaning to Adam Sandler’s goofy adolescent 90's anthem, “Lunch Lady Land.”

::Sigh:: we miss Chris Farley.

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