Scanner : photo essay

FHM's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009: Hot or Not?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Yesterday, Emily revealed FHM's sexiest woman in the world (2009 High-Bidding Publicist's Decision Edition, of course.) As usual, no one has ever heard of her, much as they had never heard of Megan Fox last year. Well, this time we can prove the vote was rigged because the winner doesn't have cache like appearing in a recent #1 blockbuster to help boost her rankings... she's just some random vaguely hot model that is on the rise...

10. Freida Pinto (she should've been higher, especially this year)

9. Anna Friel (can't believe they called the now-canceled Pushing Daisies "massive")

8. Kristin Kreuk (uh, she was on Smallville... and... uh... yeah, hasn't been heard from since)

7. Elisha Cuthbert (booorriing choices in this top 10)

6. Adriana Lima (heard of her, can't place her, moving on)

5. Keeley Hazell (wait, Keeley Hazell isn't as sexy as...)

4. Britney Spears (...automatically invalidating the entire list...)

3. Jessica Alba (when are men going to get tired of this untalented nobody?)

2. Megan Fox (the dethroned champion falls to...)

1. Cheryl Cole. Uh, apparently she was on a show called the X Factor and annoys Simon Cowell. If that's true, why isn't she tied for the top spot with Jennifer Hudson, who is far more attractive? Let's look at the photo evidence:

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Russians Like Big Butts, You Can't Deny

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:53:00 GMT

Russians always gotta be different. Sometimes they even take things that Americans love, like binge drinking, and escalate them to absurd levels of worship.

Case in point-- the new sexting craze that is taking Russkies by storm doesn't involve pornographic images (necessarily.) They have, however, taken their love of gigantic backsides to a whole new level of devotion...

After one girl, under the handle VILena, posted the below photo on one of the country's premiere social networking sites, a major cultural trend was born overnight:

This is the photo, which came our way in this censored form, that sparked the following mania:

Wait, what the fuck?

We promise to continue to ~~get to the bottom~~ stay on top of this, now known as Vilena, and other emerging sexual trends.

The call it “to make Vilena-style photo” - Vilena that’s the name of the first girl. By the way, this name has a Soviet origin. After the Communists took over in 1917 and their leader Lenin was a national hero many Russian young parents called their boys and girls after him using his initials and second name. Lenin’s full name was “Vladimir Iliich Lenin” - so new boyish name appeared “VILen” and girlish one two: “VILena”. There were also such names like “Vladlen” or “Vladlena” after “Vladimir Lenin”. [English Russia]

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PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:26:00 GMT

Back in February, we advised you to vote for PETA's Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door 2009. There were loads of hot men and women in the running, many of them pictured in their underwear with bulges or major cleavage-- but thankfully, never both.

The ~~People Eating Tasty Animals~~ People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals have finally announced the winners and they're not who we expected...

As you may recall, we nominated the following gals: Alexia from New York City; Amy from Port Angeles, WA; Brooke from Ogden, UT; Giselle from Miami, FL; and Sunny from North Hollywood, CA.

Sadly, our advice was ignored and the winner is...

There's nothing wrong with Amber-- nothing wrong, that is, unless you're disappointed that PETA, supposedly secretly a feminist hive, prefers blondes. How original. (Okay, really, we were just rooting for Sunny to take the top prize...)

Amber, a [Minnetonka] Minnesota native, decided to go vegetarian after reading the book Skinny Bitch and doing research on making the switch, and she's thrilled with the results! In addition to feeling stronger both mentally and physically, she loves knowing that her carbon footprint is smaller, thanks to her vegetarian diet. Amber is the very proud guardian of several rescued animal companions, and she spends time volunteering for the Minnesota Boxer Rescue. She even lets her love for animals carry over into her work as a photographer. Check out the cute companion animal gallery on her Web site to see for yourself! Amber's major turn-ons are confidence, bad boys who have a heart for animals, tattoos, and creativity.

By the way, the winner for the Sexiest Male Vegetarian Next Door is... Monty.

Monty, 33, [of Los Angeles, CA] initially switched to a vegetarian diet for health reasons, but after he learned how factory farming affects animals and the environment, his convictions were reinforced, and he recently went vegan! Monty owns a visual-arts firm, and his photos capture the essence of a wide variety of timely issues, including President Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Monty shares his home with Zeus, a Chihuahua he took in after he found him wandering on Hollywood Boulevard. Monty considers analytical minds and compassionate hearts to be turn-ons and is turned off by people who aren't open-minded. He loves to travel and will soon retrace the steps of the man who discovered the North Pole.

Both win separate trips for two to Hawaii. One has to wonder what all the Hawaiians in the running were in it for...

Via PETA.

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Rolling Stone Turns to Gossip Girl to Remain Semi-Relevant

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Mar 2009 18:35:00 GMT

Rolling Stone is desperate to stay afloat. This is not news. They reduced the size of their magazines to cut production costs, featured Barack Obama (America's #1 celebrity!) on its cover, and generally tried to appease the again hippies that still subscribe while attracting lame Britney Spears fans that dominate the culture.

This month, Blake Lively, Leighton Meester, and the rest of the Gossip Gals are featured on the cover and are interviewed in the most tiresome fashion ("get the dirt on what it’s like starring as beautiful young people in New York while being beautiful young people in New York.")

The photo shoot, though, is at least the usual skanky jamboree...

Here are our favorite excerpts from the excerpts of the forthcoming article:

“No one’s going to accuse Gossip Girl of being The Wire or Mad Men, but if you roll with the fantasy/absurdity, it’s fun to watch, from the infighting to the insane clothes and snappy dialogue.”
“They’ve all reached the point where they’re in the public eye, but they’re not rolling around in blacked-out SUVs or being chased around like Madonna. A lot of them take the subway and they still complain about the price of rents and monthly car parking,” Gay reveals. “They’re in a nice place in their careers. They’re now recognizable enough to get interest for other things, but not so recognizable that daily life is a drag.”

Bummer, dudes. Check out the rest here.

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More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:17:00 GMT

It's true: like a good wine, we're better as we get older.

These ancient yearbook photos of national politicians and movie stars will reassure you that your looks improve with age, and not the reverse. In a society that's becoming increasingly focused on and obsessed with cultural figures that are seemingly younger every year (look at the top names in the music business right now-- Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Taylor Swift), it's practically life-affirming to see, for example, how ridiculous Cameron Diaz looked in high school...

At the top: Paula Abdul. Date unknown, but obviously-- wow-- pre-nose job.

Yes, the above two are Sarah Palin. We swear.

Does the superlative for Most Likely To Become Famous go to Madonna or what?

Via ten different websites.

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Sports Illustrated Fails At Bikinis, Tries Bodypainting

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 16:55:00 GMT

Sports Illustrated is trying everything to ensure the 2009 Swimsuit Issue is a gigantic success. They've enlisted up-and-coming megastar Bar Rafaeli, soon-to-be-fiancee of Leonardo DiCaprio, as their cover model.

But more importantly, they've brought back the bodypaint...

A few photos of the Grenada shoot by Randall Grant have come our way and you're either going to love 'em or leave 'em. They're definitely not for everyone. (The models below are, in order, Brooklyn Decker, Irina Shayk, Julie Henderson, and Jessica White, who is also seen above.)

Gaahh! What is Ben Franklin doing glaring out of her vagina?

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I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:09:00 GMT

Lily Allen, I don't know your music. Lily Allen, I'm not even sure why you're famous-- I believe there were some hit singles a few years back and your most recent song is #1 in Britain right now. But #1 hits don't mean anything these days... you really need a good topless scandal... or a pregnancy... or a public spat with Elton John...

Okay, you've done all those things...

Your topless scandal was boring though, since you had died your hair a hideous blond tint. The fight with Elton John was in poor taste because you expressed your tacky love for cocaine. But all is forgiven, Lily Allen, because you have gone back to being incredibly hot.

Last night, Lilly performed at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City as part of one of those fake "secret shows" MySpace has been doing. (Remember MySpace? It was that thing that was hot that one time?) She wore a dress that revealed so little, even this pervy photographer for Brooklyn Vegan couldn't get a crotch shot. And that's just another reason for us to love her all the more...

Via BrooklynVegan.

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Our Favorite Bizarre Subway Posters

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:39:00 GMT

We've rounded up another compilation of our favorite photos-- this time, the category is Crazy Subway Posters, Usually Ads, Often Defaced... or something like that...

In any case, they're all brilliant. (Here's one we didn't use, only because the poster sucks. The photo of the poster-- look carefully-- is what caught our attention.)

The above photo is of a doctored poster from the Photoshopping campaign-- an artist pasted Photoshop tool symbols over airbrushed pictures in the subway. In case you hadn't figured out how Britney Spears can look entirely awful in real life and not entirely unattractive in ads...

The below shot is of a really offensive ad, which we've because it's too memorable to leave out:

And a cheat-- a poster that, well, doesn't really count but we found during our search and felt we had to share...

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Today in "How'd That Get Up There?"

Why Are Playmobil Playsets So Damned Crazy?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:29:00 GMT

This post will in no way attempt to answer that headline. Instead, we'll simply present you with your weekend kickoff: a series of the most bizarrely hilarious WTF Playmobil playsets, including the one pictured above (okay, that's not real) and the most famous toy of the last three years, the Playmobil TSA Playkit...

Check it out, the Emily Farris Crazy Cat Lady Playset™!

For that last one, the TSA Playset, you absolutely must check out the "rave" reviews of this product on Amazon. If they weren't from so many years ago, we'd do a post exclusively about them right now.

Thank to Kurt for the link.

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Londoners Knew How to Drink Us Under the Table

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 20:39:00 GMT

Did you know that in the 1920s, long before Paris Hilton (can you believe there was a time B.S.T.-- Before Sex Tapes--?), London was a hotbed of sexual mania? And you thought Hemingway was having all the fun in Paris and the speakeasies had the best parties in New York.

According to a new book and the following awesome vintage photographs, Austin Powers was too late by about forty years...

According to the WSJ, the above photo is from a "Second Childhood" themed party-- which wouldn't be so creepy if it didn't wind up being a massive orgy:

And for those who think that freewheeling sex and drugs didn't come into vogue until the advent of rock 'n' roll, these bright young people might have said, "Well, my dear, the orgies," before tucking into the heroin and cocaine that were as much in evidence in these circles as face powder. But although this seamy side of the era occasionally protruded into the public view in law courts and coroner's inquests, for the most part what the public heard about was pranks, larks and elaborate scavenger hunts -- outrageous fun, just enough to shock but not to appall the great British public.

The Boston Globe adds in their review of the book, entitled "Bright Young Things: The Lost Generation of London's Jazz Age":

He discusses the group's connections, style, self-image, wherewithal, employment, appetites, proclivities, and most notorious capers and parties. But, in the end, he shows that the element that really made them an entity, that defined and even created them, was the press. Various newspapers took them up in gossip columns (some written by Bright Young Persons themselves) and made of their exploits a continuing saga with familiar, recurring figures chiefly for the consumption of middle- and lower-middle-class readers. A life of a Bright Young Person became, in print, a "faintly sinister frieze, in which quiddity [was] reduced to idiosyncrasy."

Sound familiar? Wonder if your average gossip writer read the above story in yesterday's paper and had a change of heart.

The same Globe article mentions there's also a book out called "The Hell-Fire Clubs: Sex, Satanism and Secret Societies." Sadly, according to the review, it doesn't live up to its title.

The Bright Young People were also -- many of them -- part of a gay subculture that had started at Eton and continued at Oxford. So these pages are filled with charming cross-dressers and men who make up their faces and dither about it: One of them, who became Lord Faringdon in his later years, was described by an irate heterosexual as "a pansy pacifist of whose private tendencies it might be slander to speak." Faringdon once addressed the House of Lords as "my dears," instead of "my lords." This founding of a gay lifestyle seems as political in its way as the controversy over California's Proposition 8 is now. We don't want to do it your way, the Bright Young People seemed to be saying. Look what your way got us into. We want to do things our way and slip into our chiffon. [Washington Post]

Top image via the Boston Globe. Second image via the Wall Street Journal.

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Thousands Run Amok In Their Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 21:41:00 GMT

While most of the country tried not to freeze to death over the weekend, we got an early preview of the best and worst legs on the east coast on Saturday.

Well, that's not really what the No Pants! Subway Ride is about (we think that has something to do with rampant near-nudity and amusing those not in the know), but you can't help but notice that, hey, people aren't covering up with 18 layers of fabric! It's like summer all over again...

We want to marry the badass riding the DC Metro (?) with her bike-- the one with "BANANAS" printed on her underwear. Yowza.

Yes, the pointeless pantsless subway ride... if you missed it, you can also check out Flickr... or watch this video and pretend you were there...

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Scanner Readers Rescuing Vintage Nude Photos For You

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 18:37:00 GMT

Reader John DeFeo has been restoring vintage pinup photos for two years and he's decided to share some of his rescue efforts with you, his dearest friends...

Here's a sample before and after of the restorative power's of John's hand (or is it his Photoshop?)

Hot damn, indeed. John explains his process, during which each photo was

"blasted with a compressed air treatment, cured with a non-abrasive treatment called Vitafilm, scanned at 5400 dots-per-inch, and retouched to remove stray hairs, dirt, water stains, holes, scratches, and restored to original color..."

View the full collection here. Unrelated top photo via this link.

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Our Favorite Leftover Photos of 2008

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 16:41:00 GMT

While hunting stories on the internet, we often stumble across a photograph that doesn't work as a story in itself. Case in point, this shot of a naked man fleeing the police in Japan, which we included in an utterly irrelevant post about the vicar with the potato stuck in his butthole.

Then there are photos which never get used for any story, yet we can't bear to delete them, so they sit all yearlong in the Nerve Photos folder on our desktop. Because, even this late in the game, we can't bear to dispose of them in the proper computer trash bin, here they are for your insatiable amusement:

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Obama Was A Pimp: Or At Least the 80's Made Him Look That Way

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 18:13:00 GMT

If these were meant to be flattering, why would you leak them to the New York Post, a "newspaper" that despises Obama?

Wait a minute... Time Magazine named Obama Person of the Year, found these photos, and then instead of publishing themselves, let the Post have these before anyone else? For whatever reason they've been appropriated, we'll share them without comment:

These photos, by the way, were taken in 1980 by an acquaintance at Occidental College and locked in a safe-deposit box to ensure they were not used for political purposes during the election. More about the photographer and the photos here (warning: it's a New York Post article, the fuckers.)

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Last Night In Glorious Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 20:45:00 GMT

We don't need to write a word of commentary for these photos.

Just sit back and relish sweet, sweet victory...

We'll break our silence to add only one thing: according to WNYC, whose photographer took the taxi photo, the guy jumped on the taxi in the middle of traffic and the drive kept driving for several minutes, honking all the way. New York City's best night ever, hands down.

Some of these via Flickr: Obama family, WNYC, and cell phones.

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Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:12:00 GMT

For 40 smackers (in today's, you know, perfect economy), a copy of Timothy White's Hollywood Pinup could be yours. And, let us say, based on all available evidence, it would surely be worth your bottom dollar.

However, you would do almost as well just to see all the best photos from its steamy pages, after the jump...

Batting first is Angie Harmon, who we're pretty sure voted for John McCain yesterday. Luckily for her, she has other redeeming ass-pects to her personality...

Up next is the always jailbait-looking 23-year-old Michelle Trachtenberg:

Kate Hudson, you probably have a pretty decent personality, but how can we pay any attention to that when you pose for see-through ass shots?

You can see Susan Sarandon here and a nearly-butt-naked Rebecca DeMornay here. Meanwhile, we'll leave you with Mary-Kate Olsen... who normally we want nothing to do with. (We're in that minority of guys who think it's creepy to lust after the Olsen twins. Nonetheless, enjoy!)

Ah... now we get it.

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Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:32:00 GMT

Thank God there's something else to talk about today.

These were for the 30th Anniversary issue of American Photo, whatever the Christ that is. Nobody cares about you American Photo, just give us your half-naked snaps of Gisele and move along...

Seriously, though, we do dig Gisele on a non-superficial level as well, and our speculation on her personality is confirmed by the photographer:

His favorite Gisele? "It would be the chill Gisele, which is just us hanging out on vacation, with her acting silly and laughing in front of the camera," Nino Muñoz says. "Although sexy Gisele in six-inch pumps isn't bad, either."

The above totally pointless photos via American Photo, of course.

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A History of MIT Pranks, In Glorious Pictures...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 16:12:00 GMT

What can we say, we're a sucker for pranks, practical jokes, and general harmless merriment.

It's the only reason we would have considered going to a school like MIT (not that we would've gotten in or even wanted to.) You know, to carry out that fantasy of college life we first saw in Real Genius... the smart asses venting their energy not by farting and chanting "USA! USA!" at frat parties but by disassembling the dean's car and reassembling it in the Yukon Territories...

The Boston Globe has a brilliant and hysterical photo essay of pranks captured by still photographers over the years... all the photos are worth checking out...

But these are our faves, starting with the first annual piano launch!

Send us your prank photos and we'll post 'em... even if you didn't attend MIT.

Via the Boston Globe.

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Photo Evidence: Tila Tequila Was A Vegas Call Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Hey, we don't judge anyone for trying to earn a living. As long as you aren't hurting anyone, we don't care if you smoke crack and jerk off while working as a telemarketer. (Okay, the telemarketing thing is uncool-- it's better if you get into burglarly instead.)

But we do report the news and this photo of Tila Tequila that supposedly proves she was a Vegas escort falls under that category, at least as far as our threshold is concerned...

The only reason we think this flyer, which a guy picked up from a total stranger in Vegas (no STD jokes, please), might be fake is the price: two girls for $79? Are those recession prices or pre-Tequila-MTV-fame prices? Because we can't imagine Vegas was that cheap even back then...

The original author explains that, once you call looking for the $79 special, the price immediately rises to $370. The call girl line operator hung up on when he explained that Tila and Suzette were probably one and the same. He never learned for sure whether Tila was just posing for the ad or actually worked for the hooker operation... or something else.

Until we uncover the truth, here's the full ad:

Via Spike.

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Nude Photo Book Just Made Famous French Actress A Lot More Famous

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 14:56:00 GMT

Emmanuelle Beart, a French movie star who never made the big time over in the States, is responsible for the biggest-selling issue of Elle of all time. (This would be no big deal if she hadn't been 41, naked, and almost forgotten at the time.)

Four years later, she's back with what some are calling the first actress-starring all-nude book since Madonna's Sex in the early 90s...

First, here's the cover that caused a sensation in France in '04:

'Nuff said about that. Moving on... Beart's new book, with photographs of the actress by Sylvie Lancrenon, is entitled Cuba Libre, and is comprised of shots of Beart from a Havana shoot this past Februrary. Unfortunately, according to the UK press, the 60-euro book is already sold out, so no pictures for you.

However, we'll do the next best thing: a treasure trove of Beart from over the years...

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Naked Women of Curling... 2008!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:26:00 GMT

Can you believe it's been three years since photographer Ana Arce founded the Women of Curling calendar and caused millions around the world to sit up and exclaim, "Wait, what the hell is curling again?"

Now Arce is back, with what, based on these exclusive snaps, promises to be her best year ever...

First, we present you the photographer herself, who is a Spanish curler and may have been our Crush of the Week if that alleged hacker hadn't stolen Scanner Emily's heart...

...followed by a few favorites from the past and present calendars...

On the safe for work end, we particularly enjoy this mermaid... and less sfw, this tree dweller.

You can check out all of the models at Arce's page announcing the calendar. Her press release states that the 2009 fundraiser edition, entitled Fire On Ice, is available now via Curling News... and, best of all, it's a whopping 36 months long...

All photos by Ana Arce.

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Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:29:00 GMT

We love Robert Downey, Jr. and we love facial hair, so we're a little disturbed by this recent shot of the actor making a rather disturbing mustache-less face.

After the jump, some of our favorite RDJ images.

Please find the nearest object... and bend us over it. Now.

We just knew you'd love the naked pictures!

Hello, lover!

What can we say? We like bad boys...

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[Image]

Howard Schatz Reminds Us How Much Steamier Sex Is Underwater

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 19:41:00 GMT

Fleshot has alerted us to photographer Howard Schatz's stunning collection of underwater nudes, which are now available on his website. Most of these were published in his celebrated 2007 book H20.

H20 is now exhibiting in Innsbruck, Montreal, and Louisville... but we present a grand tease of some of the finest shots we've come across...

To read more about Schatz and his show, check out his website here.

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RNC Day Three: Sarah Palin Makes Dick Cheney Look Like Al Gore

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 16:52:00 GMT

Last night, we were sitting in the press section at the Excel Center in Minneapolis, wondering if the woman sleeping next to us had been flopped out in that chair since the night before. A woman with a large cup of coffee greeted us while jerking her head up and down. On stage, a droning religious figure mumbled through some sort of sermon. The general vibe on the floor was, "How soon will this be over?"

That all changed when Sarah Palin took the stage. All of a sudden, the arena was jam-packed: the concession area cleared out, the press stopped answering their cell phones, and the crowd was on its feet more often than not. To say Palin was well-received was like saying Hillary Clinton would've been only lightly toasted at the stake. Okay, that sounds harsh, but it was clear that there's a new #1 female American political figure on the scene and that, no matter what happens in this election, Sarah Palin will not soon be forgotten.

With her relentless attack on Barack Obama, Palin proved she has the anger and determination necessary to offset attacks on her ethics, family problems, inexperience, and radically conservative positions. The mood at the RNC went from fear that this was the beginning of the end to "how will Barack-Biden top this?!"

We ran into Ron Paul outside. He said he doesn't know which candidate he'll back... but definitely not McCain.

Palin's triumph was not so much one of oratory or intelligence or originality, but rather of carefully-calculated political maneuverings masquerading as a speech. Kudos to Palin for her many devastating one-lingers. Kudos to her for realizing the soccer mom angle is going to play very well, and playing it up to the max.

McCain could clearly be seen to be glowing with vindication as he took the stage. (He had to come out a night early-- after all, Obama did the surprise appearance thing last week and McCain has never been one to allow a preemptive one-upping.) His advisers were downplaying our expectations for the speech tonight, although that's utter nonsense: John McCain can real knock a public appearance out of the park if he has a script.

And, after hearing Palin's fiery words, we're pretty sure McCain's is going to be packing a wallop...

All photos by the author.

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Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

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Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 19:35:00 GMT

The media would love to tell you all about what's going on onstage (boring) or what Sarah Palin fake photos were put up online today (been there, failed that), but we have something better: photos from our day embedded with the locals, the cops, and the crazy Christian pornographers roaming the streets...

The above young lady was dressed as McCain riding a big blue elephant (an elephant sponsored by the oil companies, of course)... here are some other photos from Flickr and other sources that we loved:

Meanwhile, just to throw in some insider gossip: sources inside the convention are telling us that although, at least publicly, Sarah Palin is still defended to the death by the Republican Party, the campaign is considering asking her to withdraw sometime next week. As far as the election and the ballot goes, an RNC point person told us privately that since "we make the rules, we can change them to accommodate a switched running mate."

The change would be announced as due to "family obligations," of course, but the Republicans would release talking points saying sexist and mean-spirited liberals, especially in the blogosphere, would be blamed...

Via Flickr.

Related:

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record... Of Temper Tantrums

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Are You One Of The Sexy People?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 15:44:00 GMT

In what will surely become the next blog-to-book success story, the Sexy People blogspot page has taken off, thanks to some of these hilarious submissions...

Sexy People wants you, too, to e-mail your greatest (read: most embarrassing) family portraits to: sexypipol@gmail.com. As site leader Renzo put it, "it's gonna be $tucazzopendo!" Here's what we consider stuca-whatever...

This guy's like Ashton Kutcher if he'd never landed That 70s Show.

And she's like Six Feet Under's Lilli Taylor in, well, any of her movies...

As for them... the first words that flashed across our minds were: "Wilson Phillips."

More via Sexy People.

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The Whole World Would Get Naked In The Rain For Spencer Tunick

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 17:08:00 GMT

American artist Spencer Tunick, known for his photos of mass amounts of nude people in public places, has always had trouble with the law in his homeland. So for the past several years, he's been making glorious photos abroad... glorious, glorious photos...

The above photo is from a June shoot in Dublin Bay, Ireland. We've been unable to find sufficient photos direct from Spencer's camera; we're showing the AP photo so you don't have to miss out. The below is from his record-breaking photo shoot in Barcelona last year:

For the above photo, Tunick had his models arrive at a closed-off boulevard before sun-up, hoping to avoid traffic accidents and too much gawking from the locals. It worked-- in spite of frigid temperatures, over seven thousand people participated, besting the previous record of 4,500 by an Australian photographer.

The above photos are from his 18,000 person shoot in Mexico City, via, in May of last year.

Now, Tunick is about to launch a major new show in London (check out his website and its excellent opening photo for more.) The exhibit, which opens September 5th, is entitled "Adventures in Architecture," and may shed some light on what Tunick's aim is... besides to get as many people naked as possible, of course:

Spencer Tunick
Explorations in Architecture

5 Sept - 4 Oct 2008

Hales Gallery have been working with New York based artist Spencer Tunick for the last 10 years.

His large-scale participatory performances involving thousands of naked bodies are well known around the world. His work combines sculpture, performance and land art that consistently features skillfully posed nudes juxtaposed in urban and natural environments.

This show at Hales Gallery focuses on his works which operate against the backdrop of architectural forms, integrating the massed soft forms with the harder angular elements of the various buildings he chooses to appropriate.

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The Top 10 Found Porn Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 18:08:00 GMT

We wish we could collect all 30 of the most memorable "Found Porn" photos from Maxim's monthly feature, as compiled by Banned in Hollywood. For now, you'll have to check out these sfw (if you or your boss consider the above photo is NSFW, then don't click through)...

Where's Our Invitation To The Waffle House Wedding?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Jul 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Like cutting room floor footage from a Werner Herzog film, there was a wedding in the Dacula, Georgia Waffle House parking lot. While we realize we never got around to reporting on this a few weeks back, we now have a valid reason for bringing it up again:

Photographic evidence...

The lucky couple, George "Bubba" Mathis and Pamela Christian - both 23 and employees at the Dacula diner located at the Ga. Highway 316/U.S. Highway 29 interchange - wouldn't have it any other way.

For years, the couple tried to marry on their Independence Day anniversary. But the bride was always scheduled to work. Instead of waiting any longer - she got the day off at the last minute; Mathis had to report for the morning shift - the couple of nine years decided to seal the deal at work.

The result was what a NASCAR tailgate might be like if Hank Jr. himself stopped by with all his rowdy friends: Loud and proud - country music, storytelling and plenty of Dale Earnhardt paraphernalia - and not an iota of pretentiousness.

That's true love, folks-- you don't care where you get married, so long as it's ASAP.

God bless ya Pamela and, uh, Bubba.

Via the Associated Press Video site.

If Science Projects Could Talk...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 23 Jul 2008 19:21:00 GMT

...what would they say? No, not "if you could build a talking science project, what would it tell you?" This is way better...

According to the Photoshopping hordes at Something Awful, the science projects would say what the kids would get away with if they didn't care about getting a "0" on their work.

We know these are a few months old, but they're goddamned delicious all the same. Lots more, via Something Awful (thanks M.C. for the link.)

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Spencer TunickExplorations in Architecture

Spencer Tunick
Explorations in Architecture