Scanner : people

If You're Going to Give A BJ In Public...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:33:00 GMT

...you might not want to do it front of cameras and startled onlookers...

...as English lass Emma Modrate has learned the hard way. (Side note: although the original article in the Sun doesn't mention it, it was most likely a blow job. Ah, the Sun... topless women running rampant in its pages for no reason, but God forbid they use the words "oral sex" in order to clarify what the hell they're rambling on about.)

The most amusing thing about this story is that a) Modrate has made thirty-three court appearances in just ten years and b) the judge's actual words to her?

“It seems the probation service have more faith in you than I have. I have reviewed your case over the last year and it seems you have been going backwards. However, I am going to give you one more chance."

Apparently, Emma's boyfriend gave her two chances... to finish up the blow job that is. Closed-circuit footage of the incident indicates that Liam Dougherty, whom the Sun barely even mentions (you know, because the guy shouldn't get in trouble at all for this), kept coming back for more. It must not have been all that wonderful, since the dude decided to converse with a passing hobo, who we're sure reflected philosophically, Kevin Smith-style, on the state of blow jobs in this confused and diversified world of ours...

Oh, and here's the Sun's photo of this woman... we don't condone laughing at someone's appearance... so let's all laugh at the fact that she's a smoker!

Caption This: Every Time Pete Wentz Shops an Angel Gets Its Penis

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:27:00 GMT

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Scanner's Man of the Year: Pete Wentz (And His Penis)

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Dear Pete Wentz,

Pete, Pete, Pete.

When we were first introduced to you as Ashlee Simpson's maybe baby daddy, we only knew you as that kid in the emo band who wore eyeliner—we had no idea what that band of yours was called or what you played (okay we sill don't know.... bass?). Who knew we'd get to know you so, so, so much better over the course of a few short months. But let's be honest here: had it not been for your penis, we'd hardly know you at all.

It's true, you may be a little dumb. And boring. But you were smart (or stupid?) enough to leak your own cell phone penis pictures, therefore making people who would otherwise never even know your name obsess over your penis.

For 18 weeks running—basically ever since we first made mention of your penis—you (okay, your penis)—has been among our top searched terms here at Scanner. In fact, when one Googles "Pete Wentz Penis" our site is the first to pop up. Hell, when one Google's "Scanner" we don't even appear until pages later. So, really Pete, we owe a lot to your penis.

For that, you are our Man of the Year.

Congratulations.

And we're sorry.

Related:

What Pete Wentz Has to Say About Those Penis Pictures

The World Has Joe Biden to Thank for Pete Wentz's Penis

Crush of the Week: Pete Wentz (<---Penis Pictures!)

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Puts His Money Where His Penis is Not

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

Today in Obvious: Pete Wentz is Dumb, Nice

Scanner Contest: Name The Celebrity Packages

Get Up, Get Out and Do Something

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Hush That Noise! Hugh Jackman is Not the Sexiest Man Alive

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 17:02:00 GMT

People has named Hugh Jackman the Sexiest Man Alive in 2008. While we cannot deny that Jackman is very sexy and is alive, we absolutely cannot sit idly by while People spews these lies to the public.

So who do we think is the sexiest man alive? Like there was ever any question (and no, it's not Barack Obama or Robert Downey Jr, though they, too are sexy and alive).

Oh, god. Make it stop! Make it stop!

Does anyone disagree with us? If so, we challenge you to a brawl!

[Today: G’day! Hugh Jackman is new Sexiest Man Alive]

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

While You Were Sleeping: Ashley Alexandra Dupre Finally Talked

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:03:00 GMT

We haven't been watching this season of Dancing With the Stars but we have been watching clips of Cloris Leachman and her cleavage online and we're sad to say she's not one of the top three contestants on the show. [Yahoo!]

Stem-cell surgery: coming to a human organ near you. [NYT]

Malia and Sasha Obama got their first tour of the White House yesterday. They were invited by Laura Bush to check out their new rooms. [Us]

In her first interview since she was found to be pleasuring former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for money, Ashley Alexandra Dupre spoke with People. What would she like you to know? That she's a normal girl. [People]

Scanner Nicole, who already knew this, will be watching Diane Sawyer interview Dupre Friday night on 20/20. Expect a full report. [Daily News]

Grey's Anatomy Star Justin Chambers in the Same Mental Ward as Brit

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:58:00 GMT

Our favorite TV asshole, Grey's Anatomy's Justin Chambers, was being treated for exhaustion earlier this week at the same mental ward at UCLA Medical Center where Britney Spears is being held for psychological evalutation. Lucky for him she took all the attention, huh?

We wonder if his exhaustion has anything to do with the fact that he's 37 and has five kids? How does one get 'treated' for exhaustion? And how do we get admitted?

[People: Grey's Anatomy's Justin Chambers Treated at Psych Ward]