Apparently, Times Square's Seedy Side Moved To Eugene, Oregon...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 15:48:00 GMT

A recent post in the Rants 'n Raves section of Craig's List Eugene alerted us to the fact that there are places called "sex arcades" where, instead of watching a peep show, people have sex on their lunch breaks.

Wha?

Here's how it breaks down: according to a Time Magazine story from April of 2005 (ouch-- we have been missing out), Houston's "so-called adult bookstores... offer private booths in which patrons can watch 25¢ peep-show movies and engage in anonymous sex with other patrons through holes cut in the walls." Sure, we were aware of the existence of glory holes and were well aware peep shows could be used for all varieties of sex, and that sex shops sold books (books! what the hell do we need those for in this day and age of free internet hardcore movies?) What we weren't aware of is that they are all happening under one roof these days, and that they are happening in small cities like Eugene, Oregon, for starters.

The unsigned Craig's List post by a "bookstore" employee offers us advice for our first an all future visits. As usual, we offer an abbreviated version of the epic-as-hell piece:

1) It is a complete wast[e] of time to become upset when I refuse to shake your hand after you exit the arcade.

2) I'm sorry if you have only limited time to have gay sex with a stranger during your lunch break. If the only customers I have in the arcade are so old you are wondering how they remain upright, much less get it up, I simply can't waive a magic wand and fill the arcade with an all gay swim team. ...I am not a resident fall back option and I'm sorry, but offering me cash for sex will not change my mind on this one (ever).

3) If you enter a booth with a window, please don't be surprised if you look up and find someone watching you.... If you enter a booth with a gloryhole, please don't be surprised if at some point a penis comes through it. Also don't be surprised if a voice comes through it asking for you to stick your penis through the hole, it's what it's there for.

4) You enter a booth, insert a 1, 5, 10, or 20 dollar bill into the bill acceptor, and have a seat. The movie will play until the time limit for the amount of money you put into the machine runs out. If at that time you have not managed to relieve yourself you have still received what you paid for. Sitting in a booth with no money in the machine while you desperately try to grunt out a quick one is just not acceptable.

4[B]) If you happen to be a horny gay man (nothing wrong with that) and inappropriately proposition another man in the parking lot and he punches you in the mouth, YOU HAD IT COMING.

5) I could care less if you have a wedding ring on as you suck off 12 dudes... I don't care if you enjoy dressing in your little sisters cloth[e]s and putting on a show for strangers in a window booth.... I do not need a play by play description of what you were just doing. Keep it to yourself or write it in your journal or whatever.... I will not be impressed, seriously.

6) If you pee in the trashcans and I catch you you will be cleaning that booth and I will be berating you the entire time it takes you.

7) [I]f you come walking out of the arcade with cum in your beard, on your shirt, pants, whatever, I reserve the right to point and laugh. We thoughtfully provide paper towels just for that situation.

8) We have janitors clean the arcade 3 times a day, every day. I can do little for you if the booth you so desperately need to whack off in has a load of cum dripping down the monitor.

He lists his location as "whack shack." You can read the full-length rants here.

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Trojan Girls Try To Get Republicans To Wear, Learn Uses Of Condoms

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Sep 2008 20:23:00 GMT

Scanner Brian is in Minneapolis-St. Paul this week reporting from the Republican National Convention...

We have to admit our trip to the Trojan Bus near the Excel Center yesterday was not entirely on the up-and-up (no pun intended.)

We heard there were a half dozen hotties flirting with delegates, handing out condoms and buttons, and asking the ladies and gentlemen of the RNC to take some sort of condom test. This, we thought, sounds like Scanner material...

Trojan claims this is not a marketing ploy (you know, buy our condoms and you'll get these hot girls to like you), but rather a booming wake up call about the state of the country's sexual health. Hint: it's in the shitter.

David Johnson, Group Project Manager for Trojan Brand Condoms, says, "The main initiative is to open people's eyes and get them involved in the Evolve cause." The Trojan Evolve Tour plans to visit 60 college campuses in six months. The Trojan Tour Bus will have multimedia stations where students can play games and win the necessary prophylactics for all their sexual needs.College OTR] [

Ah, yes... about those games. What we experienced was basically the Relay Game. If you've read the rules off the sign in the above photo, you've pretty much figured out how that goes, we imagine. If only there was a way to roll a condom over a banana while taking pictures (we never did get the one-hand move down yet-- again, no pun intended), we would have figured it out and presented a full photo essay here. As it is, we think you can use your imagination.

However, here is some visualization, if only of the bus, which has a little ~~peep show booth~~ video booth where students and anyone else off the street can record their own sexual health-related message to America. (Our was going to be something about how it's Wednesday, which means it's Business Time, but we thought better of that...) Note that the story we're referencing in this short and relatively pointless Q&A with the leader of the Trojans is this one.

[Ugh, Vimeo screwed up our video and it's too late to fix it today. We'll update tonight. Here's the basic rundown: we try to get the Trojan Girl to say anything about Republicans or Democrats, but she rightly avoids our dumb questions and sticks to the subject. In any case, we will say this: we're glad a very dedicated group of people of any age are spreading a positive message about condoms. As one of the girls told a delegate as we walked back to the RNC, "One and four New Yorkers has herpes." The numbers, you should know, are almost as bad everywhere else as well...]

UPDATE: Here we go...

Trojan Girl Explains Her Presence At The RNC from Brian Fairbanks on Vimeo.

Follow the tour via Facebook and read more at the Trojan website. By the way, can someone please explain the logic behind the bus "evolution" drawings?

Scanner : peep show

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