Scanner : paternity

Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Fight

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

According to Jezebel, the love letter is dead but the breakup e-mail is strong with this generation.

Michelle Rodriguez from Lost flipped out at a wedding-- if you believe this nonsense story.

But what happens when the pants come off? Push-up underwear for men isn't expected to go over big with Croatian women.

The Craigslist Killer may have murdered to help cover his gambling debts. Dumbasses-- don't gamble what you don't have in your bank account or you'll end up like this guy.

If you have a sword and dress like a ninja and are attempting to commit robberies, a dry cleaner is probably low on your list of priorities.

While wife Amy suffered burns on her leg due to... um... "a cooking accident," Blake Fielder-Civil has demanded his lover allow him to take a paternity test.

A woman who works for Fox61 in Connecticut was arrested twice in three hours in the same neighborhood and by the same officer, both times for driving drunk.

The Seinfeld adult film spoof is real... and features the Porn Nazi.

And a 52-year-old stripper, enjoying her first day on the job, was stabbed in the eye by a jealous co-worker.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Because Breast Milk is Cheaper Than Cow's Milk?

Sloppy Seconds: Elisha Cuthbert Survives Harrowing Hit-And-Run

Jesus Died For Somebody's Sins, But Not Mine

We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

It's Like Reefer Madness But With Dogs

Paraguay Has Its Very Own Bill Clinton-Style Sex Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:53:00 GMT

This post marks the first time we've ever linked to Al Jazeera, at least that I can recall. Not that we're afraid of what Sean Hannity and his McCarthyite followers might say.

Rather, the famed Arabic news service is rarely one to break major sex scandals... until now. And we're glad we didn't miss this one like Fox News already has, because it has three classic scandal plot points...

1) Fernando Lugo, the President of Paraguay, has admitted to fathering a child out of wedlock with Viviana Carrillo, who was not even his girlfriend at the time.

2) The boy is almost two, making the woman 24 and and Lugo 55 at the time of conception.

3) Lugo was technically still a Roman Catholic bishop at the time he knocked up the young woman. He was staying with her at her godmother's house when their sexual relationship began, culminating in the birth of the boy almost a year before he won the Presidency. So, he didn't knock anybody up while in office (that we know of), but don't forget that the Pope had actually turned down his request be relieved of the vows of celibacy-- even after the boy's birth. (Pope Benedict eventually gave in.)

This all only came to light when the woman was forced to file a paternity suit against the Paraguayan President-- he thought he could pull a John Edwards up until the last minute. More via Al Jazeera.

Related:

Anderson Cooper's Mom Likes The Dirty Talk

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

Nevada Governor's Sex Scandal May Top Eliot Spitzer's

Pete Doherty's Unbelievable Butt Tattoo

"Britain's Sexiest Teacher" In Hot Water After Steamy Photo Shoot

New OTC Tests Help Determine "Who's Your Daddy?"

Emily Farris — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Want to find out who your baby's daddy is but don't want to bother with going to some sterile lab to be swabbed by people who actually know what they're doing? No problem! Go to Rite Aid and get your DNA Paternity Test kit for just $29.99.

True, you have to send in an additional $119 to have the DNA tested in a lab, but still, this is the greatest invention since sliced bread, and all the other at-home paternity tests available online for more money. Hell, you don't even have to tell your three potential baby daddies you're testing them for DNA. We're sure you can find some way to get a little saliva on a cotton swab, no?

Plus, once you mail in your saliva-soaked cotton swab in a plastic baggie with your $29.98 consent form and your check for $119, you can get your results in three to five business days online.

But buyer beware, the kits are not legally admissible in court; if you want one that is, you can get it for an extra $200. But so far, the $30 kits have been selling like wildfire, and probably faster than condoms.

Rite Aid is... pleased with the response. After a successful trial run in about 1,000 stores in California, Washington and Oregon, the drug store chain opted to move up plans to stock the kit nationwide. The kits are to be available at most of its 4,363 stores -- excluding those in New York, where state law requires a court order to obtain DNA.

Well, hey, New Yorkers, there's always Maury Povich.

[mlive.com: Meijer, Rite Aid selling low cost paternity tests]

[Image via adamhenning's flickr]

Woman Auctions Off Night of Sex, Gets Pregnant by Anonymous

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 19:15:00 GMT

Try to read this slowly so you can digest it with the martini you're having for lunch:

A woman in Germany who became pregnant after an online sex auction has won a court battle to force the Web site that hosted the sale to reveal the names of the winners, so she can find out who's the father.

A court in Berlin rules the auction site is obligated to give up the names of the six random uber-studs who won the contest last year and got down with their bad selves. Of course, in a hilarious bit of irony, the court refused to give the woman's name or nationality.

Damn. There seems to be no shortage of Odd News today. Did y'all hear about the Thai crackdown on teen sex for Valentine's Day? Or the woman who-- whoops-- dropped her Meth in an ATM envelope and now wants it back?