Scanner : paintings

Sloppy Seconds: Nicky Hilton Takes the Law Into Her Own Hands

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 00:26:00 GMT

What would Mickey Rourke have said had he won the Oscar? Probably that Marisa Tomei is awesome because "not that many girls can climb the pole, y'know?" [Vulture]

A 30-year-old aspiring male model committed suicide in Brooklyn's Prospect Park last week, after stating his intentions to do so on his Facebook page. [DailyIntel]

Ever wonder why boys (in general) don't like pink and girls (in general) do? If the results of a recent study are to be believed, it's because mens' and womens' brains respond differently to "beautiful" objects. Of course, the study was done with paintings and we're just guessing on the pink thing; we don't think pink is that beautiful, really. [Reuters]

What's in the water in this Brazilian town where 38 pairs of twins were born among about 80 families living in a one-and-a-half-square-mile area? [NYT]

We've always thought of citizen's arrest as this weird thing that people don't actually do. To the best of our knowledge, generally they don't. Unless, of course, they're Nicky Hilton. Surprisingly, we're left with only one question: what the hell was she doing at IHOP at 5 a.m.? [Us]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Why Sam Won't Leave Lindsay

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 23:47:00 GMT

We refused to read "Eat, Pray, Love" but that doesn't mean we won't see the movie. Julia Roberts is set to play the memoirist/author Elizabeth Gilbert. [Reuters]

An arrest warrant has been issued for Joe "Boobies" Francis and he faces up to 10 years in prison if convicted on charges of tax evasion. Which reminds us, we need to get our taxes done so we can afford to keep our meager boobies safe from Francis. [Yahoo!]

Is naked Obama riding a unicorn officially a meme? [Jossip]

We're not really fans of fake retro anything. But Shaun of the Dead is one of our favorite movies, so we're really excited about this 1960's paperback book cover artwork. It's sort of reverse adaptation. [LaughingSquid]

Staten Island's groundhog, Charles G. Hogg (known by locals as Staten Island Chuck) bit Mayor Bloomberg at a press conference today. We bet that's the last time Bloomie gets on a Ferry. [Star Gazette]

Are we the only ones who don't find the MacGruber SNL skits funny? [Vulture]

Unless you're really cool (we're not) you probably didn't know who Sam Ronson was before she started dating Lindsay Lohan. And according to FOXNews's ever-reliable sources, that's exactly why Sam would never leave LiLo. [FOXNews]

The Giant Penis Is Watching Over You

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 17:40:00 GMT

Did you know that the country of Bhutan ~~is a country?~~ basically worships gigantic penises? And, you're asking, how is this different from other countries?

All kidding aside, Bhutan is the "happiest country in Asia," according to Wikipedia, and much of that has to do with the Bhutanese love for giant painted dicks on their houses...

According to the Metro (UK), which has a penis obsession that is, um, larger than ours:

In the country of Bhutan in south Asia, the giant penis has an important job. It is scrawled on homes to ward off evil spirits.
The penis is said to protect those inside the house and stop them from arguing with each other.

Ah, yes, because we all know that testosterone in a household is always a calming influence. Riiiiight. For peace and quiet, we'll stick with the Trans-Siberian Orchestra and a couple of dimebags, thank you very much...

The World Has Joe Biden to Thank for Pete Wentz's Penis

And You Thought Bill Clinton Was A Sex-Crazed Politician...

The World's Largest Flower Is A Giant Deformed Penis

Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

Swedish Hockey Fans Bombard Player With Dildo Parade

Lucien Freud Nude Sets Record Auction Price For Living Artist: $33M

Bryan Christian — Wed, 14 May 2008 16:33:00 GMT

It's called "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping," and last night it netted 33 million samoleans at Christie's auction house in Manhattan. Which, if you're paying attention, would get you a few hundred of those Gisele shots from a few months back. Justified? Who can say; it's art. That shit hasn't made sense since the Japanese bought the Mona Lisa or whatever.

Oh, here's something we can say with certainty: you can click through for a larger version of "Benefits Supervisor Sleeping," which you can download and save. That'll be 33 million dollars, please.

Click to popup a larger version and then right- or ctrl-click to save.

[via CNN]

Why We're Bad Sex Bloggers

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:48:00 GMT

Because we saw this painting on ponyXpress a while ago, and bookmarked it, and keep going back to it, and all we can think is one thing...

"I want her hair."

[ponyXpress: the amber woods]

The Worst Painting In American History

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 16:50:00 GMT

No, not the above. That's just a live camera feed from Ron Paul headquarters. The worst painting in American history, at least in my humble opinion, is a limited edition "artwork" done in the Republican candidate's honor by one of his crazy supporters (sorry for the redundancy.)

And here it is:

We hate to steal text straight from a website, but Awful Link of the Day puts it brilliantly:

In this painting, we can see that the transvestite mercenary is scratching her balls, to further exemplify the audacity of making a shitty kilt from Old Glory with her prison shiv (which is attached to her right thigh). She is furious that Big Government put that ugly metal clamp on her forehead while in prison, and wants the sweet revenge that only the 2nd Amendment can give. The sign that warns Trolls to stay away is a stark contrast to Libertyland's Weed Trees, which stand behind this well armed shemale & a bridge over troubled oil. The Goat represents Liberty: it has no legs to stand on & gets in the way of the Weed Trees. This painting will cost you $1,250/

For more genius comments, visit Something Awful.