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Live! Nude! Old! Girls!

Colleen Kane — Mon, 11 May 2009 16:00:00 GMT

As we briefly mentioned before, the Calendar Girls are back. Ten years after they first took it off, England's six original Calendar Girls are taking it off for charity again. To recap for those who didn't see the movie inspired by the true events (starring Dame Helen Mirren), the idea came about after Angela Baker's husband died of lymphoma, and the calendar proceeds go to benefit lukemia research.

The models, who pose with strategically placed props, now range in age from 57 to 75, but their semi-nudity may just get trumped by a well-known 75-year-old actress who is considering going full monty for Playboy...

Page Six reports that Shirley Jones is considering posting for Playboy. Her husband and manager, Marty Ingels, says, "She's still drop-dead gorgeous, and at the age of 75, a natural beauty. I'm her husband, and I think it would be sensational. Mature women are relevant."

Hell yes Marty Ingels and Shirley Jones!

How excited is Fairbanks right now?

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Calendar Girls image

Shirley Jones image

Anderson Cooper's Mom Likes The Dirty Talk

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 17:16:00 GMT

I, Scanner Brian, used to live in a room in one of the old Vanderbilt mansions-- and let me just say, it was no help in getting laid. What was once a family gem had turned into a wrecking ball-ready hellhole, with peeling paint, nails sticking out of the walls and staircases, windows that wouldn't open or close, and walls that would shake with every passing subway car-- the subway stop being right under my window. Girlfriends who would stay the night early in the romance managed to evade staying over there for up to two years after, despite our continued relationships.

Apparently, it worked wonders for Gloria Vanderbilt-- then again, she probably never lived in that building-- as her new X-rated novel is full of healthy sexual adventures. Vanderbilt, the mother of CNN's Anderson Cooper, is 85-years-old...

Vanderbilt, whose past sexual conquests were Frank Sinatra, Sidney Lumet, and Wyatt Cooper (Anderson's Dad, of course), is out with a book entitled Obsession: An Erotic Tale. At 143 pages, it is, as the Post's Andrea Peyser has already mentioned, "easily read with one hand."

I will begin, softly at first so that you can sleep a few more minutes, the long, slow, delicious process of licking your ----, and since I must have your honey milk . . . I will struggle to stay quiet . . . Master, I whisper as you surrender to our ecstasy."

Dare I suggest to be placed fully dressed over our favorite ottoman . . . That done, placed over your knees, skirt lifted, begging you not to restrain yourself in giving my flesh the serious whacking I deserve. An ebony, smooth-backed hairbrush -- most appropriate. The Mason-Pearson are considered the finest, and it would be no trouble, while you are in London, to pick one up of a heft that pleases you at Harrods.

Ludicrous or luscious? You tell us.

The 85-year-old socialite mom of Anderson Cooper says her X- rated novel, "Obsession: An Erotic Tale," came straight out of her subconscious as she slept. "It was all surreal, and then I channeled it onto pages," she told The Post's Georgett Roberts at the Na tional Arts Club gala for Joyce Carol Oates. The steamy read, first revealed this week by Andrea Peyser, is about "sex on many levels -- emotion ally, mentally and physical as well," she said. "Yes, it's graphic -- it's an erotic novel!"

When we asked Vanderbilt if she still has sex, she let out a long, loud laugh, then uttered, "No comment." [NY Post]

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Death in the Gossip World Has a Suspicious Twist

Colleen Kane — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 15:53:00 GMT

Celebrity columnist James Brady died on Monday at age 80. He is responsible for the existence of everybody's favorite page of the New York Post (besides the front page with the painful pun-driven headlines in 500-point font), Page Six. He also edited Star magazine when it was new in 1974.

If anyone reading this happens to be an old and/or wholesome person familiar with Parade magazine, Brady wrote their "In Step With" column for years. His final column will run Feburary 15, and the subject of it is most suspect indeed. Guess who it is!

It's the man connected to everyone. Is Kevin Bacon the Grim Reaper?

Related:

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Bye-Bye Bunnies: Playboy Hops Away From NYC

Colleen Kane — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:07:00 GMT

Playboy magazine is doing what it's looking like all old-fashioned dead-tree magazines need to do: adapt and embrace the Internets. But is Playboy adapting fast enough?

Possibly not. Page Six reports that Playboy Enterprises is consolidating its print and web staffs into one office, and that office is in Chicago. Sounds like it's bye-bye to New York offices...and to more New York jobs. The magazine's editorial director, Chris Napolitano, is being replaced by their web director Jimmy Jellineck.

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy Spreads

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

Image: Playboy.com

While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A rogue church threatened to publicly broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life after she refused to break up with her secret lover. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.)

A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least dismiss it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore even a cursory mention, even though it's several days old.

Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo...

Sam Mendes says directing wife Kate Winslet as she grappled with Leonardo DiCaprio in the steamier scenes in "Revolutionary Road" was "a profoundly weird experience" - so weird that he couldn't watch it. Instead, he monitored the action on a video... [PageSix]

Prosecutors don't seem to care about our rights. They don't care what the jury decides, either.

A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon fled the country when it was discovered he was powering his SUV with what he'd gleaned off his liposuction patients.

Possibly under the assumption they would lose, the Screen Actors Guild delayed a vote on whether or not to strike.

According to one paper, the economy is not stopping women from spending ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. The "lipstick effect" is in play, just as it was during the Great Depression.

A man tried to get his murder case retried, claiming two jurors had sex with one another and the guards overseeing them were inspired for some of the same. Thanks, M.

And breaking up with Hugh Hefner somehow landed Holly Madison the cover of Playboy.

Is 'Page Six' on Miley Cyrus Skank Watch?

Emily Farris — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 14:46:00 GMT

Everyone has their eyes on Miley Cyrus these days, and today's installment of the Miley Cyrus Skank Watch comes from Page Six. We're just jumping on the wagon. We're not calling Miley Cyrus a skank. Yet. We, along with Page Six, are just worried she might become one. We don't even really have a problem with skanks (is that Tara Reid she's sitting near?), unless they're fronting (or being forced to front) as Disney sweethearts.

So, what's up with the tongue? Well, her 20-year-old boyfriend Justin Gaston was walking in the Christian Audigier show at LA Fashion Week.

Every time he'd pass, she'd make this face at him.

According to an eyewitness, Gaston and Cyrus - who was there with her mother, Leticia, and her manager - "were all over each other backstage." The heat extended to the runway where, every time Gaston walked, he would blow a kiss and wink at his teenage girlfriend, who in turn, "licked her lips seductively as he passed her."

The source also overheard a conversation in which Cyrus told a friend that "she was probably staying at Justin's tonight and that they were going to skip the after-party and have a party of their own."

Fine, fine. Whatever, not nearly as scandalous as Page Six would like us to believe, but we can't wait to see her Slutoween costume!

Related:

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Miley Cyrus Will Write a Memoir, We Will Rip Our Eyeballs Out

God, Er, Bill O'Reilly Calls for Conference to Discuss Dirty Miley Cyrus Pictures

Miley Cyrus's Birthday Is not Quite the Same Thing as a Disney Gay Day

New Miley Cyrus Photo Scandal Already Exaggerated Beyond Belief

Quote of the Day: "The more you stomp in poop, the more it stinks."

Image via Jezebel/ PageSix

Crushes of the Week: The Ladies of Mad Men

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 20:24:00 GMT

We tried to watch Mad Men once and were, have to say, bored to tears. Perhaps we should have first fallen in love with Jon Hamm (who, by the way, is hosting SNL on 10/25, the night Sarah Palin is due to appear and come off slightly more sane), Elisabeth Moss (so much hotter in real life), and the rest of the studs and secretaries that populate this award-winning war on sexes...

Although clearly the hotter look for her, those conservative fifties outfits definitely have something going for them...

...well, maybe not that one. Then there's Christina Hendricks, cover girl of this weekend's Page Six Magazine...

On her character, Joan Holloway:

“Joan is a person I sometimes wish I could be. She’s a presentation. I don’t think she ever lets anyone see who she really is. She’s very confident and pulled together.”

On not being a size 2:

“No one will send me dresses. Designers loan size 2 or 4 samples to actresses, but I’m not that size. It’s like I’m a freak because I’m curvy and I can’t squeeze into those things. I’ve had some problems with that.”

Well, Christina, we don't have any problems with it... or you. And that's why you and Peggy and, hell, even Don Draper are our Crushes of the Week...

Via PageSix.

Related:

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We Didn't Watch The Emmy's, Here's What We Missed...

"I Broke My Dick And It Made Shatner A Star"

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 14:37:00 GMT

Christopher Plummer told PageSix a sex story so bizarrely hilarious that we were forced to lift our own ban on linking to the New York Post to share it with you...

The movie star has a new autobiography out in which, according to the gossip rag we love to hate, he tells the following story about gearing up to play Henry V on stage in 1956, a role for which William Shatner was the understudy. (Note that just before the excerpt begins, Plummer has just had a wild one night stand with an unnamed woman...)

"I woke up alone the next morning... (pain) all around my groin and lower abdomen... I started to whimper like a whipped dog. 'So this is what syphilis is like?' I thought. 'I suppose I deserve it, but Christ, how the hell was I to know?'
But instead of being struck down by the disease, Plummer had dislodged a kidney stone and had to undergo a medical procedure with a surgical wire to resolve the problem.
He adds, "It began to sink in... Shatner, my understudy, would have to go on... (It) instantly brought back the pain. I screamed for a nurse who jabbed me with more morphine.
"I knew then that the S.O.B. was going to be a 'star.'" [WENN-- see, we avoided the Post]

Ooh, scandalous! It almost would make more sense of Plummer had contracted syphillis because it would explain his insane assertion that William Shatner became famous for a 1950s stage play by Billy Shakes. Everybody knows it was his rockin' version of "Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds."

Right?

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Sloppy Seconds: Are Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner Really Splitting Up?

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 21:57:00 GMT

It's official: Bill Murray is divorced. [Yahoo!]

But what if you want your kid to be gay? [Salon]

Jake Gyllenhaal moved into Reese Witherspoon's L.A. home. He could have moved into ours but he probably didn't want to deal with the bugs. [Us]

Wow, Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson are doing things all out of order. Aren't you supposed to get married, then get a puppy, the if you don't kill that, make a baby? [People]

This casting for the Grand Theft Auto IV movie is pretty much right on. [MollyGood]

Page Six's Richard Johnson has been slapped with a $10M lawsuit over claims he made about an alleged sex tape. [Jossip]

No, no, no! Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner say rumors that they're splitting are absolutely that: rumors. [GabbyBabble]

Perry Mason Was Gay?

Bryan Christian — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:41:00 GMT

Did you guys know that? More importantly: did you gays out there know that? 'Cause we had, like, no idea. No. Idea. Frankly we're a little surprised he had sex at all! See, we grew up watching reruns of Perry Mason every morning during summer break, just before Dick Van Dyke. And frankly that whole time, or in all the years since: never once did we think about Raymond Burr's sexuality. Not once. And then, you know, here we are, years later, chatting with the roomie and drinking our coffee, nice Sunday afternoon, and all of a sudden, there in PageSix:

Michael Starr will discuss his new bio, "Hiding in Plain Sight: The Secret Life of Raymond Burr," on the "Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson"

Which, like, what the heck else could that mean? That he was Mossad or something? Nope. Apparently the unfailingly generous star of Ironside and the American version of Godzilla was so determined to keep his longtime partner Robert Venidedes a secret that he invented wives -- and a son who died in childhood! -- to keep his cover going with the press. Which, now that we think about is, is some Mossad kind of shit, actually.

Woah, hang on - should we be impressed or depressed by this? Again, we have, like, no idea.

Bobby Brown's Prerogative: Imply Whitney Houston Is Bisexual?

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 21:08:00 GMT

Bobby Brown has written a tell-all memoir alleging Whitney Houston married him to clean up her public image amid rumors of her bisexuality.

We haven't read the book, so we only know Page Six is implying that Bobby Brown is implying Whitney Houston might play for both teams:

As far as his 15-year marriage to Houston is concerned, it "was doomed from the very beginning. Within the first year we separated, with several more to follow," Brown writes. "I think we got married for all the wrong reasons. Now, I realize Whitney had a different agenda than I did when we got married . . . I believe her agenda was to clean up her image, while mine was to be loved and have children."

Whitney, he alleges, had been under "a lot of pressure. The media was accusing her of having a bisexual relationship with her assistant, Robin Crawford. Since she was the American Sweetheart and all, that didn't go too well with her image . . . In Whitney's situation, the only solution was to get married and have kids. That would kill all speculation, whether it was true or not. In the short, I think I got caught up in the politics and ended up marrying one of the biggest stars in the world."

Yeaaahhh... still not going to read it.

[NY POST: 'WHITNEY DROVE ME TO DRUGS']

Sloppy Spitzer Seconds, Part Two: Where We Are Pleasantly Surprised

Bryan Christian — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

We're back, and since we got all the sleazy stuff out of the way earlier this morning, we're looking at whether the media's doing any better treating the Spitzer Scandal like we're all adults. And we gotta say: if this were the SAT's, we'd say they scored in, like, the 85th percentile. Let's have a look.

-- On New York's Daily Intelligencer, it is noted that prostitution, like real estate, is an industry that has seen a fair amount of inflation in the last few years -- and everyone knowing what Eliot Spitzer was paying might make it worse. Here also find the Wall Street Journal article which inspired the DI post, albeit longer-ly and with less wacky Photoshopping.

-- By the way, in case you weren't aware, the New York Post says over a ten-year period, it was somewhere around $80 GRAND the guy spent on hookers. Remember: Eliot Spitzer actually comes from money, so that $80 Grand probably seems like even less money to him than it might to you or us, assuming you are as broke as us.

-- Slate Magazine totally surprises us by dropping a couple of short missives on whether Spitzer might shoulda paid more for his lady company, and how he could have arranged his payments, to avoid being caught. Slate, who knew you were so naughty!

-- And Slate's XX Factor blog also goes into overdrive on the topic, asking whether cheating is better or worse with a prostitute (for the spouse, of course), what a prostitute might consider "not safe," how hard it would have been for him to have just gotten a little on the side, and whether Spitzer got into politics for the chicks in the first place. (Again, we remind you: dude was born rich, so it ain't out of left field to wonder.)

-- Finally, over on Salon, Glenn Greenwald bums us out as he generally does, this time with all the contradictions brought up by l'affaire Spitzer.

* People who work at an unpleasant job in order to support themselves, rather than because they enjoy it, are the functional equivalent of brutalized, exploited slaves and therefore should be barred by others from choosing that job -- when the job in question is prostitution, but not when it's factory work or fast food cashier or large corporate law firm associate or massage therapist or porn actor.

Ah dude, don't ruin porn for us too!

Sloppy Spitzer Seconds, Part One: Where We Are Titillated and Amused

Bryan Christian — Thu, 13 Mar 2008 12:05:00 GMT

What a difference a day makes. Here we were yesterday, bemoaning the lack of serious discussion of prostitution in the media following the Spitzer Shocker™, and what do we find today but a few really interesting and thoughtful attempts to explore the state of prostitution in this country! Not that we're gonna cover those just yet. We gotta get all the goofy and sleazy stuff out of the way first. Like for example, the quest to uncover "Kristen" -- who it turns out is actually named Ashley and is kind of cute (see above) -- and her madam. Shall we begin?

-- Let's cut right to cherchez-ing la femme. The prostitute named in all those indictments as "Kristen" is really named Ashley Dupré and she's apparently having a really hard time with this so please no one bug her. The first definitive picture that we saw of her was the above screengrab on PageSix.com, and within a few hours the New York Times had an interview and pics from her MySpace page. She's a 22-year-old who, according to the Times, just want through a breakup, spent time in an abusive home, looks up to her brother, and is trying to get a music career going and hooking on the side. Oh, and sometimes she gets sleepy.

Ah look at her. Seriously, guys, if even part of her story is true, we are totally crushing on her, so if we hear of you being even the slightest bit mean to her, we will personally jump out of your computer screen and strangle you with your mouse cord.

-- Meanwhile, New York's Daily Intelligencer tips us off to the fact that Kristen/Ashley's madam, Tameka Lewis, a.k.a. "Rachelle," lives just a few blocks from us in Clinton Hill but has yet to turn up -- despite being staked out by the MSM. Rachelle, if you're reading this: we've got a Wii and Tofutti Cuties if you need a place to crash.

-- The New York Post totally ripped off NYC blog Gothamist by publishing -- without credit -- a Photoshopped gag image submitted to the site's "We Can Haz Spitzer Photoshop?" contest. Our favorite was the other Spitzerpimp, actually, which was a little less cut-and-pasty.

-- Oh, and best headline we've seen thus far on the story comes from Fark, posted some time yesterday morning: Spitzer will pull out within the hour, or around $4900 from now.

See ya in a bit with a more grown-up exploration, promise!

Today in Page Six: Naomi Campbell, Prince, Joe Francis, Unnamed Penthouse Pet

Bryan Christian — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 19:00:00 GMT

We found ourselves with a bunch of items coming from Page Six, so we thought we'd group them into one big easy-to-digest, Rupert-Murdoch-lovin' compendium. Hail the Dark Lord!

-- PageSix.com reports that Fox Noise is reporting that Naomi Campbell has reported to a Sao Paolo hospital reporting an as-yet-unreported infection. We report report report, but report she report report!

-- We would totally have watched the Oscars if Prince had invited us to his viewing party. Actually, no, strike that -- it was a post-Oscars party. Also, we'd probably have just watched all the strippers instead.

-- Joe Francis is planning a monthly, PG-13 print version of his Nobel Prize-winning Girls Gone Wild series. Since it sounds like a sure fire way to bore and confound his hardcore fans, we have to assume he's doing it for the same reason that they're putting Kool-Aid into cocaine these days: to get the kiddies hooked.

-- Penthouse Pets are such big sluts that they'll make out with someone mere moments after having sex with another man. To be fair, though, Bachelor Number Two was a journalist, so he had no chance of closing the deal anyway.

Rumor: JFK Love Child Living in Vancouver

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Page Six ran a story yesterday about a "40-something" British Columbian man who is about to be exposed as JFK's illegitimate love child. He apparently bears a striking resemblance to the assassinated ladies man and is described as "tall [and] handsome."

The man, who so far has been respectfully unnamed, is believed to be the product of President Kennedy and a friend of LBJ's from the VP's good ol' Texas days. A Vanity Fair story, rumored to have been killed at the request of little brother Teddy, may still be in the works after all.

We're still holding out for a love child of JFK and Marilyn to turn up and be smokin' hot.

Because People Who Aren't in a Relationship are the Most Qualified to Speak on It: Rick Saloman's Ex on His Marriage to Pamela Anderson

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 16:37:00 GMT

Yesterday we told you that Pamela Anderson and hubby of 70-something days Rick Saloman were splitsville. But it turns out they're not. Or maybe they were and changed their minds. Or maybe they never were and someone leaked it to the press. Or maybe they got in a fight but never intended to divorce. Either way, thank goodness Page Six has an "exclusive" statement from the most reliable source on this issue, Rick Saloman's ex-wife:

Rick Salomon’s first wife, actress and singer Elizabeth “E.G.” Daily, spoke exclusively to PageSix.com about the on/off/on relationship between her ex-husband and Pamela Anderson. E.G. is optimistic, saying, “All people need to work their process out. This is life and people working their stuff out.”

Wow. That clears it all up for us. We should bring her on as relationship expert here at Scanner.

PageSix: Rick Salomon’s ex-wife speaks out on Pamela and Rick’s Relationship