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While You Were Sleeping: Sexually Incriminating Information

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 15:17:00 GMT

Now you know why we voted for him (at least in part): Obama is redirecting all of the abstinence-only money, some $138 million, to the actually-effective methods of sex ed.

Agree with almost every word of this list of the thirteen people/things that ruined it for everyone else, although Jersey could only have been helped by a show as great as the Sopranos.

Fleshbot makes a case for those Rihanna photos-- the ones her people are so upset about-- being fakes.

Susan Boyle did Oprah-- is she ever going to sing another song or just wave to photographers and do sparse interviews? She also turned down a makeover.

An Iraqi journalist who isn't exactly on board with the Palin campaign met with the Governor yesterday and said only that her voice was "annoying in person."

The adorable fawn and bobcat seen above are best buds after being rescued from the Santa Barbara wildfire. Ellen Degeneres and others are raising money for the animal rescue efforts, which are already overwhelmed with the number of cases.

Figleaf's Real Adult Sex has some good advice for those-- including, possibly, Rihanna-- who were the victims of someone "posting 'sexually incriminating' information against their will."

And Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who is apparently outed with a slew of evidence in a new film released over the weekend, announced he will run for Senate.

While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

While You Were Sleeping: Teacher Sex Never Gets Old

Desperate Housewife Calls in the Cops in Nude Photo Blog War

Sloppy Seconds: Megan Fox Doesn't Need You To Take Her Seriously

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A man gave birth to his twin, Alien style. Sort of. [The Inquisitr]

Looks like Oprah is going to have a lot less shit on her show. Literally. Dr. Oz—her in-house medical professional who was all too excited to talk poo with Ms. Winfrey—is getting his own show. [Yahoo!]

When we were growing up we seriously thought that everyone in our hometown of Independence, MO was skinny and had bad teeth because they were poor. We know better now. But why is meth so prevalent in some regions and not in others? [FlavorWire]

Wanting to not appear so poor ourselves, at 17 we lied to get a credit card. That was the beginning of our own personal financial hell. This pre-paid Discover card might have done us some good... and probably still could. [Lifestyler]

Speaking of us being poor, don't forget you can buy our Missed Tee for a mere $13. We get 10% of every sale, plus what's not to love about dogs humping legs? [MissedTees]

In the mean time, we'll follow Suze Orman on Twitter. [Twitter]

"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against," Megan Fox tells June's Esquire, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [Us]

Related:

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Sloppy Seconds: We Can All Stop Worrying About Swine Flu Now

I Owe You a Good Leg Humping

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While You Were Sleeping: Oprah's School's Sex Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

Attention, ladies: Gerard Butler's next movie features the actor in a nude scene.

Bruno has been slapped with an NC-17 rating for pervasive sexxx.

Josh Hartnett is in the hospital for stomach pains. Cue gerbil allegations in three, two...

The weirdest (but maybe most interesting) story in ages: the woman who starved her 1-year-old son to death because her cult would not let the boy eat unless he said "Amen" pled guilty in the most unusual plea deal we've ever heard of. Prosecutors claim that the only way they could get her to take the deal was to promise-- and this they had to do in open court-- that, should the child be resurrected (as his mother claims he will one day), the charges are withdrawn. God bless Baltimore, baby.

A boy (age unknown) won a $2.3 million negligence settlement against the physician who botched his circumcision. I wouldn't do it for anything less than moving the decimal point two places to the right.

Oprah Winfrey's famous South African school is seeing its second sex scandal in as many years.

Sarah Palin has to pick a Democrat to fill a state Senate seat in Alaska. So, of course, she has a Republican switch his voter registration, say that there was something "wrong" with it, and take the seat. This is totally excusable politics, except for the fact that they're so sneaky and lie about their reasoning, the Democrats who have to accept this will never do it. Can Governor Palin do anything right?

A bunch of Somali pirates attacked... a decoy ship filled with troops looking for pirates to capture. Nice.

And Holly Madison claims to have insisted on "minimal" Photoshopping at Playboy during her time there.

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Is A Big, Whiny Phony

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A teacher kissed his sixteen-year-old student three times, his wife found out, and he resigned his position. Then, whoops, it turned out he hadn't done anything illegal.

That investment adviser who tried to fake his own death via plane crash was caught in Florida.

Guess which television personality said this to Kate Winslet: "I love the fact that you have real breasts?" Conan? Bill O'Reilly? Sean Hannity?

Kate Winslet was on Oprah today, and Ms. Winfrey made a point of talking about the sexually explicit flick The Reader. "In all the scenes, your breasts do what real breasts do," Oprah mused.

"I love the fact that you have real breasts," Oprah gushed to Kate... "God bless your real breasts." Kate, ever the good sport, said, "Thank you," and the audience burst into applause as the two women clasped hands in a real-breast-love-fest. [Jezebel]

Is this the first arrest via Facebook?

STD rates continue to climb, in spite of brave CNN's noble efforts to alert us.

The parents of Drew Peterson's girlfriend sound way too nonchalant about this. Whatever happened to a baseball bat and a loud "you stay away from my daughter, you hear?!"

Even pointing out what a lying idiot Sarah Palin is has become an utter waste of time, since she won't even acknowledge it when every one of her accusations turn out to be bullshit.

For a stupid Nike commercial masquerading as a YouTube video, this is pretty funny-- although we still could care less about Taylor Momsen, whoever that is. (To offset the fact that we're basically linking to an ad, you should buy Reebok or any other brand instead.)

Photo of Taylor Momsen via Gawker.

Dumbest Person Ever? Pregnant Woman Gives Birth on Rollercoaster

This Blog Has Been Rated NC-17

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Oprah's New Diet May Induce Diarrhea, Headaches and Time Travel

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 21:49:00 GMT

Advertisers are still promoting that superawesomemagicalmakeyouskinnyandbeautifulfast Acai Berry Diet Oprah was shilling earlier this year. And if we are to interpret one new ad as we think we're supposed to, you can add "immediate transport back to 1988" to the list of the berries' benefits.

Yes, folks, we found this image on the Yahoo! News homepage today, December 28, 2008. While Oprah certainly looks good these days, we doubt she's still wearing white plastic triangle-shaped earrings.

Do advertisers really think we're this stupid? Or were they just too cheap to pay for any image that hadn't been retired to the public domain? Even Oprah's beloved Dr. Oz said earlier this month that the superfood might not be so super after all.

Related:

Oprah's Book Cult: Where's the Beef?

Sloppy Seconds: Palin on Oprah, Will She or Won't She?

Sloppy Seconds: Why Does Oprah Look So Scared?

Barbara Walters' Wet Hot American Interracial Affair

Who Would You Rather? The Results Are In!

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Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 20:20:00 GMT

As if you need a reason besides the above-pictured lass, the year's #1 entertainer, according to various publications...

Instead of posting much today, we've been checking out last week's episode of 30 Rock and wondering why you haven't done the same. Here are the first ten reasons we could think of (there are at least 2,000 more) for why you should heading to your Netflix account immediately and ordering up the Complete First and Second Seasons, then checking out the show on NBC Thursday nights, starting again January 8th.

10. Although Fey was forced to fire Rachel Dratch in order to cut costs (how much could a cameo as a little blue monster run them?), you can catch the old episodes via DVD-- we defy you not to watch the entire season in one or two sittings.

9. Will Arnett. Will Arnett. Will Arnett, Will Arnett. Better yet, a maniacal Will Arnett with a lust for a chipper NBC page boy.

8. You owe Tina Fey for making your year with her Sarah Palin imitation. This is how you'll thank her.

7. The bit players aren't the stock sitcom types-- they're memorable and ridiculous without being entirely unrealistic.

6. Tracy Morgan's one-liners are so out-of-left-field and off-the-cuff, you'll wonder if he's reading off cue cards or just making this madness up as he rolls along. Seriously, does he?

5. Even the hokey celebrity walk-ons are inspired. From Steve Martin's reclusive rich kook to Jennifer Aniston's bombshell nutcase, this season's earliest episodes may never be topped for sheer consecutive star power.

4. Elaine Stritch's recurring role as Jack's mother, for which she was awarded an Emmy last year, are the highlights of every season. (She was the guest star on last Thursday's Christmas show, which was dynamite. A clip can be found below.)

3. Because the frumpier they try to make Tina Fey look, the more adorable she is.

2. Alec Baldwin is the best comedian working in television today.

1. They're desperately seeking your ratings. Hell, if Oprah can't save them, nobody can...

Sure, we understand that the critically acclaimed yet ratings-challenged "30 Rock" has to do what it can to wrangle viewers, but many of the A-list cameos the show has employed for that purpose have been seriously subpar. Jerry Seinfeld's and Jennifer Aniston's appearances on the series were equally lukewarm. Oddly enough, the standout cameo of 2008 came courtesy of non-comedian Oprah Winfrey, who played herself, opposite an advice-hungry Liz Lemon during a plane flight. Was it a gimmick? Yeah. Did it work? Totally.

Check it out at NBC.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Golden Globe Nominations Even Worse Than We Expected

5 Reasons SNL Is Finally Worth Watching

While You Were Sleeping: Full House Coming Back to TV?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

The dumbest (tabloid) question of the day: "Does a woman's short haircut mean she isn't interested in sex?"

Hitler was "the perfect boss," according to his maid. We'll, uh, refrain from wishing he was still of this world, thank you very much.

Keanu Reeves' agent must have a mortgage to pay off or something if he's actually considering this...

Movie executives at 20th Century Fox are reaching out to Keanu Reeves to reprise his Jack Traven character for a third Speed film, according to Internet reports.

That shy-weird-studly actor from Twilight is starring in a new movie with Matthew McNulty about the possibly nonfictional love affair between Salvador Dali and Federico Garcia Lorca. IMDB says it is "Rated R for sexual content, language and a brief disturbing image." Let us guess-- Robert Pattison's dong?

The worst show in television history (tied with about a hundred other sitcoms and America's Funniest Home Videos, of course) may make a return, thanks to its star, John Stamos:

Stamos is plotting to reunite at least some of the cast for a "semi-remake."

Cameron Bure tells OK! Magazine, "John has been working on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie Sweeten. We would revive our characters, but today as young women."

Sarah Palin declined to be interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Perhaps because Oprah would ask her if Africa was a country.

And Christian nutjob Rick Warren favors assassination. Thankfully, so far he's only named a foreign leader to his list.

Related:

Sean Penn Propositions James Franco for Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gotta Love Them Bathhouses

When "You May Kiss the Bride" Is the First Kiss Ever It's Apparently "Magical"

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

Top 10 Most Underrated Movies

"Pregnant Man" Thomas Beatie Breaks Some News to Barbara Walters

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 18:21:00 GMT

Babs went to visit Thomas Beatie and his family recently. Remember Beatie? He's a trans man who gave birth to a daughter last summer amid totally insane media attention that ended with Oprah rubbing his belly, or whatever. Yeah, turns out his 15 minutes aren't quite up, because Thomas has some news to share with all of us.

Yep, that's right, he's preggers again! Peep his home life and everyone's "shock" below.

Halle Berry Has Better Sex Than You

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 18:57:00 GMT

Halle Berry is taking advantage of being recently named Esquire's Sexiest Woman in the World with a new interview that will blow most of your minds.

In it, the Oscar-winning actress discusses her sex life and how she's not only the hottest celebrity in the Western world but also its best lay...

Berry says, "You know that stuff they say about a woman being responsible for her own orgasms? That's all true, and, in my case, that makes me responsible for pretty damn good orgasms.
"(They're) much better orgasms than when I was 22, and I wouldn't let a man control that. Not anymore. Now, I'd invite them to participate.
"I've learned my tricks. I know what I like. I do not wait around. I initiate. And I'm not all about frequency; I favour intensity."
Calling into the Oprah show in America on Friday, Berry revealed she felt inspired to talk openly about her sex life after Esquire named her their sexiest woman.
She said, "I was astonished. I was like, 'I've just had a baby. Don't you guys know..? This isn't the year to pick me for this.' I thought, 'Well, you know, it might be a really good year to talk about some things and talk about what sexy really is.'"
And she joked, "When I mentioned the big 'O' I'm sure when people first read it (article), they thought I was about to talk about Oprah."
Berry admitted that if her romance with boyfriend Gabriel Aubry ever ended, she wouldn't be looking for a toyboy to satisfy her sexually. She confided, "Men in their 20s? Forget it."

We resent that last remark... although we'll keep our weekends open in case she's available to be proved wrong.

Via IMDB.

CNN Discovers Why Men Cheat (Gasp! It's About Their Feelings)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 14:50:00 GMT

Second only to the New York Times for being last to figure out what's going on Planet Earth, the Cable News Network is not exactly known for breaking cultural news or actually telling us anything we don't already know. So it's no surprise that they've taken to publishing Oprah.com's columns on their website in lieu of doing their own fact-finding...

...and the results are predictable.

Among the shock revelations:

"It's not about blaming the wife. It can't be. I mean, cheating is ridiculous. It's wrong. And you can't justify it,"

Okay so far...

What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex.
"The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures..."

Like BJ's and letting him film your threesome.

Josh says he cheated on his wife, Jennifer, because he felt underappreciated at home and started feeling insecure. "That insecurity was really the catalyst," he says. "I didn't feel comfortable going to the one person in the world I should be going to, which is my wife."

We're sorry, but you were insecure? And Oprah is letting this guy get a free ride?! We're sorely disappointed.

Men have a winning mentality.

Except when they're cheating losers.

"Does he have ownership in the team? It looks like that. But as long as they're in the game, even to the very end, they'll watch. Once it's a blowout and they know their team can't win, television goes off. And what a lot of men will say to me through this research is, 'I just felt like I couldn't win.'"

A sports metaphor for talking about men? Please, go on for a few more paragraphs like this, it isn't tiresome or cliche at all...

For the first five years of his marriage, AJ says things were rocky with his wife, Janet. "We got to the point where we were really living in separate parts of the house. I went downstairs every time I came home from work..."

The Oprah guru goes on to say AJ eventually cheated on his wife. Honestly, we're not sure the word "cheated" is appropriate, though technically correct, in this case. You were living in separate wings of the house? Unless AJ is a cover for "William J. Clinton," we're pretty sure this guy's marriage was going to end anyway...

But maybe you have a different opinion. Hating on CNN and this stupid story? Not debatable, sorry.

Via CNN Living.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: Mike Myers Is An Inglorious Bastard

This Week In Gayness: Guys Making Out On CNN

CNN Hasn't Been Getting Many Second Dates

Ladies, If You're Not In The Mood, CNN Is Here To Save You...

The Veep Deba(cle): Why Everybody Loses

Sloppy Seconds: Demi Moore And Her Boob Squirt

Sloppy Seconds: Palin on Oprah, Will She or Won't She?

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:26:00 GMT

~~Mary~~ Nancy Wilson of Heart feels "completely fucked over" after the Republicans used the band's Barracuda as a theme song for Sarah Palin during the RNC. Wilson's sister and bandmate, Ann, chimed in: "Sarah Palin’s views and values in NO WAY represent us as American women. We ask that our song ‘Barracuda’ no longer be used to promote her image. The song ‘Barracuda’ was written in the late 70s as a scathing rant against the soulless, corporate nature of the music business, particularly for women." [Wonkette]

That's no matter, because John McCain's RNC speech had 500,000 more viewers than Obama's. Okay, so it's a difference of 38.4 million viewers (Obama) to 38.8 million viewers, but we all know what difference half a million votes can make (not that everyone who watched the RNC will vote for McCain). [Huffington Post]

Is this scary-ass Barbie doll really worth $100,000? Apparently so. [The Sun]

Um, if you're going to ride a mechanical bull, you might get hurt. Apparently there should be some kind-of waiver for this. [Daily News]

We're having a hard time believing that the 24 most eye-catching American Apparel ads couldn't have made it all the way to 25. [Debonair]

Vince Young's sausage taste's great. [Deadspin]

Oprah has made it clear that she has no intention of having Sarah Palin on her show, at least until after the election is over (which, honestly, we think is kind-of shitty... Oprah could at least give Palin the James Frey treatment). But, we get where she's coming from: "At the beginning of this presidential campaign when I decided that I was going to take my first public stance in support of a candidate, I made the decision not to use my show as a platform for any of the candidates," Winfrey, who was an early backer of Barack Obama, says in a statement to TMZ.com. "I agree that Sarah Palin would be a fantastic interview, and I would love to have her on after the campaign is over," she adds. "There has been absolutely no discussion about having Sarah Palin on my show." [Us]

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Sep 2008 18:42:00 GMT

In what will surely finally give 30 Rock the huge ratings boost it deserves, the NBC comedy series has announced a series of high profile guest stars, including Jennifer Aniston and Oprah Winfrey.

But what should really do it for them is this idea for a guest appearance, which is apparently confirmed by the producers...

How about the ladies of Gossip Girl showing up on MILF Island, as sort of "foils" for the MILFS? While that problem won't happen, Blake, Leighton, and possibly other players of uppity snots will show up at Rockefeller Center in some capacity:

Gossip Girl stars Blake Lively and Leighton Meester have reportedly signed a deal to guest-star on U.S. TV show 30 Rock.
The actresses, who play spoiled students in their hit TV series, will feature in a Gossip Girl-inspired flashback sequence on 30 Rock during main character Liz Lemon's 20-year high school reunion, according to Ew.com.
But fans of the programme will be in for a shock as the sequence will reveal geeky Lemon, who is played by the sitcom's creator Tina Fey, was actually a bullying teenager.

That isn't reall much of a twist-- we've already seen that Liz has a much crazier side that she wants us to believe... but either way, this should be a great third season, don't ya think?

Via IMDB.

Top 10 Celebrity Moms Who Could Be Hookers

"MILF Island" T-Shirt: 100% Cotton, 200% Irony

Sloppy Seconds: Is Jamie Lynn Spears a MILF?

Are All Florida Teachers Bonking Their Students?

Perez Hilton the Richest Chubby Recluse in Hollywood

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 18:53:00 GMT

This Wired feature on the multi-media conglomeration that is Perez Hilton is, well, eye-opening. For one thing, the site makes $54,000 in ad money a day. A DAY! That is serious bucks for photoshopping cum on people's faces. And Perez is branching out into clothes, music, and television because (hear this!) he's always working.

Actually we believe that Perez works, and if he can grab the bucks, more power to him. It's all in the service of meeting his goal to become the gay, latino Oprah. Really, we can't talk shit on Perez cause then we'd have no excuse for paying attention to him, and unfortunately, we're not about to stop gawking at the dude and his totally inexplicable success. Lucky for us we're not the only ones who follow the hot mess.

When he announced on his site, incorrectly, that Fidel Castro was dead (Hilton's family fled Cuba for Florida in the '60s), the Huffington Post and the Drudge Report picked up the item (albeit with skepticism). When Bloomberg invited him to be its guest at this year's White House Correspondents' Association dinner in Washington, he was seated next to Tracey Ullman, who gushed, "I read your site every day!" For his LA-based novel, Bright Shiny Morning, author James Frey interviewed Hilton and modeled the character of a flamboyant gossip monger on him.

The man is a shooting star of fast food wrappers and unicorn tears. Respect.

While You Were Sleeping: The Nightmare on Elm Street Remake

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 13:43:00 GMT

In a small area of North Texas, it is now legal for teachers to carry handguns on school property. Of course, students are still not allowed to defend themselves from caning, punching, or shooting that may come their way. Ah, justice...

Speaking of Texas, a man who allegedly got naked and groped a four-year-old boy was almost immediately arrested and tasered by police. Now that's justice...

Wouldn't it be awesome if this guy played Freddy in the Nightmare on Elm Street remake? We mean-- wouldn't it be awesome if they didn't make it at all... but if they have to, wouldn't Billy Bob Thornton be a twisted, bizarre, possibly brilliant choice?

Lauren Conrad's clothing line has been dropped by Kitson.

Jerry Lewis claims the gun he was busted with at the airport was a telethon gift.

Oprah will be there for Obama at the convention.

And Eva Longoria still keeps in touch with her old Wendy's.

Thanks, Susan!

Thomas Beatie, Transgender Dad, Works the Media Like a Full-Time Job

Nicole Pasulka — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:39:00 GMT

As you may have heard, Thomas Beatie, the pregnant man, gave birth to a girl on Sunday June 29th. So has this whole pregnant man story been a boon for transgender rights?

Thomas Rogers at Salon says, "eh, proabably not."

Why did Beatie become the focus of so much attention? It's partly because, unlike other pregnant men, Beatie has demonstrated a remarkable willingness to speak to the press (including dubious tabloids like the News of the World). And, according to Paisley Currah, a transgendered associate professor of political science at Brooklyn College and the author of the upcoming "The United States of Gender," "the idea that seems to draw the public is the idea of the supposed freakish body of the transgendered man." In other words, people are attracted to the story because staring at Beatie's body -- the large stomach protruding from his manly chest -- is both an unsettling and captivating experience, and Beatie, for whatever reason, doesn't seem to mind the attention.

We will ignore the fact that Beatie talked to everyone besides the author of this article and the author of this article talked to everyone besides Beatie. Going on Oprah and talking to anyone with a press pass doesn't make the world more sympathetic and understanding of your non gender normative family situation....? We could not have predicted that one. To be honest, we're suprised there hasn't been more malice and backlash from the peanut gallery.

Seems that if Beatie and his family are going to get on with life outside of the public's goofy, judgmental eye, he'll probably have to stop giving interviews on the Weather Channel.

Thomas Beatie "the Pregnant Man" On Oprah

Being a Transgender Father Is Soooo 10 Years Ago

Oprah's Book Cult: Where's the Beef?

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 23 May 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Looks like Oprah found another obsessive and unrealistic diet to force down our throats for the next 21 days. Her new fad starvation method involves eating no animal products, caffeine, sugar, gluten and alcohol and comes to us via Kathy Freston's book Quantum Wellness.

Scanner Nicole is taking care of this item because Scanner Emily is so angry about Oprah's dietary choices she can't even type straight. Let's be clear, we are down with ethical eating. We support localtarians, fresh produce, grass-feeding and sustainable seafood. We do not support Oprah nudging women into anxiety and malnourishment while her private chef prepares strawberry rhubarb wheat-free crepes. Come on, people. Just because the "O" is bored and needs a colon wash, doesn't mean we have to follow her to the bathroom.

Today in Probably Fake Things We Wish Really Happened

Emily Farris — Thu, 01 May 2008 16:58:00 GMT

[Defamer: Why Oprah And Rachael Ray Hate Each Other, In Words And Pictures]

Pras On Homelessness, Obama, Oprah, and ... Sex?

Katie Halper — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 20:41:00 GMT

Scanner Katie recently interviewed Pras Michel of The Fugees, about his latest project, Skid Row, a documentary in which Pras goes undercover for 9 days and nights as a homeless person in downtown LA’s notorious Skid Row. I met up with Pras in a hotel lobby in Manhattan to discuss the film. Pras talked to me about Muhammed Ali, why he likes Obama and doesn’t go for Bill Cosby, how Oprah and Snoop could help the “lost African-American generation” by meeting face to face, and why we’re in a “transitional moment.” But when I asked Pras about what surprised him most about Skid Row, we started talking about sex.

Katie: What surprised you most about Skid Row?

Pras: I met someone who said he hadn't been distracted by women in three years. That's how he stayed clean. Any little distraction and he would have slipped back. In my world, I think about sex -- I mean I don't think I think about sex like the average man does --

Which is 24/7?

Which is 24/7, I'm probably like ...

22/6?

22/6

No really, more like 22/7 right?

Yeah ... I can't lie to you -- sex was nowhere on my mind. Maybe because I was getting acclimated. But if I was there longer, I probably would have adapted.

And I surprised myself. When you're homeless a lot of things go out the window because it's all about survival. I had to do certain things I don't do. Like I'm not one of those people who smiles. It doesn't mean I'm not happy. It's just not part of my temperament. I never had to do that before. But on Skid Row, when I was looking for money, a guy said to "smile". He was gay. I'm not homophobic, far from it. Most guys would get offended. I wouldn't get offended, I just wouldn't smile. But on Skid Row when this guy offered me $5 to smile, I'm thinking, I have to eat. So I smiled for him. And another woman said to me, "Come on brother, it can't be that bad. Smile." And I smiled for her too.

[Read the full interview on Alternet.]

Thomas Beatie, "the Pregnant Man", on Oprah...Today!

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

Oh, Thomas Beatie, we named you Dad of the Day after reading your article in The Advocate about carrying a child as a transgender man because your wife wasn't able to. And now Oprah's been calling. Which makes sense, we guess, but we are feeling nervous. Though we love her book club and her "Princess for a Day" shit, we don't quite trust 'The O' to not get all weird and judgy on you.

Did she give you bucks? We hope so.

Either way, you are looking pretty good, if just a little nervous in the promo. But we can feel that, we'd be nervous if we were on Oprah because of a toothache, forget about showing up as a transgender, pregnant, father-to-be. Between now and 4pm Eastern Standard Time, we will watch the promo after the jump and wait for your TV debut.

April Fools: The Prankster's Prankster

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

He goofed on the Queen of England. He had the media following "Michael Jackson" and his bizarre antics for days. He Punk'd Ashton Kutcher and Bruce Willis. He violated Wal-Mart. And he proved Charles Manson is a better person than Angelina Jolie.

John Hargrave is a man for all April Fool's Days...

1) Hired a Michael Jackson impersonator to wear a surgical mask and lead media and paparazzi on a weeklong wild goose chase through the streets of Boston. The stunt was a smashing success-- it took the media weeks to admit they'd been had.

2) After being rejected for sainthood/knighthood/whatever by the Queen herself, Hargrave legally added "Sir" to his name, just for spite.

3) Loaded Wal-Mart shelves with banned books and porn to defend the First Amendment.

4) Impersonated Ben Franklin, "America's 14th President," and gave historically inaccurate tours of Boston, Ben's birthplace, before being attacked by a giant robot with laser arms, for no apparent reason.

5) Called out Oprah Winfrey's entire career in charity work when he announced she was one of two celebrities who didn't respond to his "11 year old girl with a terminal illness asking for an autograph and some kind words."

Some celebs, like Angelina Jolie and Oprah Winfrey, didn’t respond at all. Others like Bono and Jerry Lewis were quite generous, sending signed photographs and T-shirts. But jailed serial killer Charles Manson sent a package containing three hand-carved wooden keepsake boxes. One had an engraved pink heart on top, another, the word “Love” with the message “From: Manson” carved inside the lid.

6) Best of all, he went so far out of his way to prank the host of a show that insulted his intelligence, "Punk'd," that he legally changed his name to "Ashton Kutcher" and launched

a website claiming to have recordings from Kutcher’s personal voicemail, including a message from a trash-talking “mistress” and an angry tirade from Bruce Willis, ex-husband of Kutcher’s wife, actress Demi Moore.
Despite claims from Kutcher’s publicist that the site was a fake, media worldwide picked up the story, exposing a system so hungry for gossip that the truth hardly matters.

Hargrave, who also has been known to track down and harass e-mail spammers with anonymous telephone harassment, celebrates his birthday today, April Fool's Day. For more about him and Zug.com, which he claims is the world's "only" comedy website, click here.

Via People's Web.

Jack Is Back (And Maybe A Little Too Late?)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

This excellent and attention-grabbing ad for Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign was released over the weekend. But was it approved by the campaign? It does not have an FEC tag at the end, nor does it say anything about the message being endorsed by the Senator's committee. It will be interesting to see how this plays out in the media as the day unfolds.

In other celebrity political news, Hollywood actresses are spending more time in Texas than any sane person ever should...

Perhaps the actresses Melanie Griffith and Eva Longoria Parker will be more on message than [Jack Nicholson, says the New York Times.] They’re set to appear at a town hall event with Mrs. Clinton in Austin, Texas, on Monday night, the eve of the primary. The campaign will show the event live at its Web site, and 700 people are expected to be in the live audience.

All right, folks, it's time for a recap of celebrity endorsements:

HILLARY CLINTON:

Marla Maples, Jenna Jameson, Melanie Griffith, Eva Longoria, Paul Newman, Danny Devito, and Jerry Springer.

BARACK OBAMA:

Oprah Winfrey, Tom Hanks, Jamie Foxx, Robert De Niro, George Clooney, John Legend, Jessica Alba, and the rest of the cast of the will.i.am music videos.

We know we're missing some of the biggies. Who else?

In the meantime, check out this new video (are we done with Obama videos yet?) from will.i.am, with more A/B-list celebs superimposing themselves over Barack Obama's dignity:

Hey, Did Ellen Page Just Come Out on "SNL"? -- UPDATED

Bryan Christian — Sun, 02 Mar 2008 05:59:00 GMT

So, um, did you guys happen to see that sketch just now on SNL where Ellen Page was playing a young girl jumping around so excited about a Melissa Etheridge concert and then it turned out that she might have gone gay at the concert, and she totally mimed grabbing a lady with her legs and it was funny, and then that Dick-in-a-Box guy was all like "Well, I'll love you just the same if you are gay" and they like hugged and that was it? Like, it. As in the sketch was over. Heck, the whole show was over.

Was that supposed to mean something? Like, was it supposed to make us think something about something? The last SNL sketch we remember with an ending like that was that hysterical one from 1985 where Oprah and Danitra Vance talked about abortion, and we're pretty sure we're supposed to have thought quite deeply about something after that. So maybe this one too? Or not. Are we being confusing? 'Cause we're totally confused. (Also, we're kidding about that Oprah sketch being hysterical. It was interminable.)

Oh, and did you see this also?

So, seriously: what just happened? A grudging acknowledgement? A full-on response? Or something more? Or was it maybe just like so many other weeks on SNL: an incomprehensible, mostly unfunny final sketch. We have no idea, and frankly might never have even brought up the question of Ellen Page's sexuality without something dramatic happening. Like what maybe just happened. Or not. Yeah, we're confused. Thoughts?

(And yes, in case you're wondering -- we just had to blog about this the minute it happened. We officially have no life.)

UPDATE: Video via the fine folks at Wired News, who seem to think that the point of the sketch was that it doesn't matter whether she's gay or straight -- which we totally agree with, but could think of a dozen other sketches to make the point more effectively. (Like, for instance, have her fighting crime with the Ambiguously Gay Duo -- which, as a bonus, would have saved us from that muddled Obama cartoon.) Anyways, have a look after the jump and let us know what you think.

About Time Obama Lightened Up A Little...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Senator Barack Obama, the great speechmaker and not-so-great speech-er (he too often buries his nose in his notes), showed his lighter side on Letterman last night. It reminded us of the legendary post-2004 SNL appearance by (President) Al Gore, giving everyone the feeling that if he'd just acted like a normal person during the campaign, he'd have easily beaten Bush. Luckily, it may not be too late yet for people to warm up to the Democratic Presidential candidate.

Here's the complete Top Ten from the Late Show:

10. To keep the budget balanced, I’ll rent the situation room for sweet sixteens.

9. I will double your tax money at the craps table.

8. Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin’ good.

7. If you bring a gator to the White House, I’ll wrassle it.

6. I’ll put Regis on the nickel.

5. I’ll rename the tenth month of the year “Barack-tober.”

4. I won’t let Apple release the new and improved Ipod the day after you bought the previous model.

3. I’ll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece.

2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.

1. Three words: Vice President Oprah.

He needs all the laughs and publicity he can get. After all, what with the Times endorsement of Hillary, this will not be a good day for him.

For more laughs, see another recent Obama Top Ten List, this one strictly "facts" about him.

[Photo: Associated Press/CBS]

10 Non Sequiturs to Make You Feel Confused About the Present

Will Doig — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 19:16:00 GMT

Here's CNN's top three most-read stories today:

1. Dad threw four kids off span

2. Hiker slaying suspect due in court

3. 'Mean mom' sells son's car

Mom! But somehow, CNN's list of ten reasons to feel good about the future is even more disturbing than the real news. It apparently comes via Oprah.com, which is all the more baffling, because Oprah makes us feel good instantaneously, just the sight of her. But this list is suspect. Reason number one to feel good about the future is "feminism." Fine. But reason number two is Starbucks Frappuccinos, and reason number nine is "the rise of life coaching." Reason number four is the Special Olympics. Reason number five is "situation comedies," which don't exist anymore. Reason number ten is rollerblading. Maybe this list is a secret code for something else entirely.

Manliest Woman of the Year: Michelle Rodriguez, Hillary Clinton or that one Pussycat Doll

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 20:56:00 GMT

Double Viking wants to know which of these three women is the Manliest Woman of the Year? While we have many problems with this, we think they 1. could have come up with some better candidates, and 2. could have used a better picture of Hillary (especially considering Scanner readers voted her more fuckable than Oprah).

[Double Viking's 2007 Manly Awards]

Who Would You Rather? The Results Are In!

Emily Farris — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 20:34:00 GMT

Yesterday we asked you which female political powerhouse you'd rather do, Oprah Winfrey or Hillary Clinton. While we're a little disappointed in the voter turnout (come on, people, this is a sexocracy!) we're pleased to announce that the winner is...

Hillary!

Here is the breakdown:

7 Votes for Hillary
4 Votes for Oprah
1 Vote for Hillary doing Oprah
1 Vote for Bill Clinton, defaults to Hillary, and
1 Vote for "booboo"

Results as of 2:36 p.m. EST. Don't like it? Vote next time!

Previously: Who Would You Rather? Oprah vs. Hillary

Who Would You Rather? Oprah vs. Hillary

Emily Farris — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 17:02:00 GMT

They're two of the most powerful women in the world, and certainly the most talked about, especially in recent weeks. Both look good for their age. So, who would you rather? Oprah Winfrey or Hillary Clinton? Results will be posted tomorrow, so vote (er, comment) now.

'The Times' Brings Us the Vajayjay Monologues

sarahhepola — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 12:25:00 GMT

In today’s history lesson, the Times’ Stephanie Rosenbloom dips a toe into the golden river of linguistic history to bring us the origins of “vajayjay,” the most popular name for your pussy popularized by Grey’s Anatomy. Jimmy Kimmel has used it. Tyra has used it. Oprah loves it even more than that ginger Origins scrub she keeps pimping. Even Gloria Steinem is getting in on the vajayjay monologues.

In a voice-mail message left for a reporter, Gloria Steinem said she hopes the women using vajayjay are doing so because they think it is more descriptive than vagina, not because they are squeamish.

Of course, anything as fabulous as our vagina deserves a winning pet name. Our pet name? Alfonso. But that’s just us.