Scanner : nude beaches

Top 5 Nude Beaches in North America

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:43:00 GMT

If you're gay or just want to see a bunch of naked men making out, tanning, splashing each other, or just plain frolicking in the sun, OutTraveler has the list for you.

And if you're a lady person and just want to let it all hang out among guys who probably won't take your picture and put it on NudeBeachCam.com or whatever, you'll want to know where the hot spots are...

Theirs is a Top 5 list, beginning with the only entry for an ocean beach in the continental United States: unfortunately, it's in Miami...

1. Haulover Beach, Miami. Apparently, this is the only nude beach in Flordia and arguably one of the country's finest of any kind. Pro: Lots of good looking people. Con: It's in Miami, for God's sake. Not only that, it's a mob scene virtually from the crack of dawn to after the cops toss everyone off the beach.

2. Hippie Hollow, Austin. We were surprised to learn there was a nude beach in Austin and even more surprised to learn that Texas police haven't raided it with rubber bullets yet. Pro: "Over a hundred swimming holes, a gay-adored beach, and impressive climbing crags beckon from the star of Texas." Con: "The gay section is about 15 minutes walk to the left from the parking lot." Then again, that kind of distance between you and the rest of the local bathers could be a "pro."

3. Hanlan’s Point, Toronto. We don't often think "nude beach" and "Canada" go together, but this entry convinces us. Pro: The fifteen-minute ferry to the beach has an amazing view of the city and, at 6.50CA, is the only thing you'll have to spend money on to get to the sand. Also, water quality is monitored constantly and is usually excellent. Con: You have to wait for it to get hot enough. In Canada.

4. Little Beach, Makena, Maui, Hawaii. Up a trail in the hills of Maui, this island hideaway has one major catch: it's illegal to go naked anywhere in public in Hawaii. Pro: Bragging rights about going naked in Maui-- is there anything that can make your Facebook friends more jealous than to read that status update? Con: Having your hands cuffed behind your back when you're naked-- and not getting any S&M out of it.

5. Wreck Beach, Vancouver. Man, who knew there were so many opportunities to take your clothes off in Canadia Land? Pro: "Naked vendors ply the beach offering water, beer, sandwiches, and a surprising array of narcotics. Ask any student how to get to the access paths that lead down to the water." Better yet, ask a student while you're naked doing a snort of coke off your boyfriend's umbrella tip. Con: Absolutely nothing that we can think of...

By the way, if you're over in the UK, you should know that the country's oldest nude beach will close after this summer, thanks to coastal erosion (i.e. global warming.)

Via OutTraveler.

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Meanwhile, Back at the Nude Dude Ranch...

Colleen Kane — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 22:02:00 GMT

Tim Clement is a 50-year-old lottery winner with a dream. He just wants to run a nude dude ranch on his secluded property. Is that so wrong? Yes, according to local policy in Brooksville, Florida.

After winning $3.3 million in the lottery in 2004, Clement was frequently hit up for money, even by people he didn't know. He closed down the day spa where he was a hairdresser and bought the 10-acre property in the woods.

Soon friends were asking when they could visit, and the onetime farm boy cooked up the dude ranch idea.

But he didn't get the right permits. Among other, more minor considerations affecting the operation of the ranch, the county forbids public nudity, even though neighboring Pasco county has several nudist properties.

"God blessed me with a gift,'' Clements said. "I just thought that all I wanted to do was have a place to play and I was so far hidden, I didn't even think about it.

"I just thought I was creating a cute little 10-acre dude ranch.''

If the proper paperwork doesn't come through, he might just close the b&b and go back to entertaining personal friends on the property.

However, as the CJ Dude Ranch website cautions, "Everyone must wear pants and boots to ride the horses." Do chaps count as pants?

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Image

Nude Sunbathing Under Attack Worldwide

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 16:49:00 GMT

You would think that, given the state of the world economy, people would become more willing to relax their stubborn attitudes on issues more likely to stimulate the economy, from marijuana to gay marriage to nude sunbathing.

But not in this case. From North Carolina in the United States to Perth in Australia, nudity is under attack by male Puritans-- and yes, they are almost always males...

First, in Bird Island, North Carolina, a man with a wife and children complained to authorities about having had to "endure" topless sunbathers. Those authorities responded immediately and issued a press release reminding everyone that they can't let their wangs flap in the breeze... or something.

Brunswick County officials say they will come up with a sign banning nudity on the beach. County commissioners say Bird Island is not a registered nude beach and that full exposure is against state law. [News 14]

Ah. Notice they said "full exposure is against state law"-- is North Carolina one of those crazy left-wing states that supports the right of women to show their nipples? Try it some time, dear readers, and let us know how that goes.

Meanwhile, in Australia, a recent survey found that 33% of the country is against topless sunbathing. And here we thought Australia was more open minded. Even those who thought they should be "tolerated" were kind of whiny about it:

...anti-nudists [said] they "didn’t want to see it all hang out". totaltravel.com global marketing manager Paul Fisher said the survey showed that Australians are tolerant of nudity.

However, he said a number of respondents who agreed to have more nudist beaches in Australia called for appropriate signage.

“While a leading proportion of voters agreed that a little bit of flesh never hurt anyone, a few did comment that if more nude beaches were introduced there would have to be appropriate signage to alert families or children to what kind of beach it was,” Mr Fisher said.
“Some also called for nude beaches to be secluded and away from beaches where families congregated." [News.com.au]

C'mon, people, we can do better than that...

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Dr. Prissy's Terror on Bird Island

Colleen Kane — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 20:02:00 GMT

A physician and his family were shocked by what they witnessed on a recent visit to a beach on North Carolina's Bird Island.

The horrific sight that greeted them was...NUDE SUNBATHERS!

Yep, this is one of those "prude gets offended, as prudes are wont to do, and tries to ruin something for everyone else" posts.

But in this case, the offended guy is getting his way.

Technically, public nudity is banned on this island, located close to Sunset Beach, although Bird Island has been known as an unofficial nude beach for some time. After the physician's family got their eyeful, he complained to law enforcement, who said there was nothing they could do. That wasn't good enough, so the doctor then emailed county commissioners, who discovered the beach isn't registered as a nude beach. Now, following a meeting about the matter, a sign will go up forbidding nudity on the beach.

Or, the doctor could have just chosen a different beach. What creeps us out is the fact that the man who complained is a physician. This guy is a doctor and he's that uncomfortable with the naked human form?

We'd like to file a complaint about him.

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In Which We Finally Put The Lid on 2008: The Top Ten Scanner Posts of Last Year

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 22:22:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

Now that we're settling comfortably into 2009, we have a little time to reflect on 2008. And what kind of seemingly professional blog would we be if we didn't compile our top ten posts of last year? With boobs, Mormons, abortion and booze we hope the list is everything you hoped it would be and more.

Read more...

Scanner's Greatest Hits: The Top 10 Posts of 2008

Emily Farris — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 20:18:00 GMT

Ed note: Yes, we're running it every day this week.

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Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 19:02:00 GMT

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10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In New Zealand, home of Boobs on Bikes and, apparently, dozens of kiwi trees, a lone believer stands in the cold, alone in his noble quest, and silently holds up his protest sign, desperately hoping he can make a difference. Unfortunately, sometimes these lone believers are alone for that reason-- very few people agree with them.

Case in point, is the heartfelt yet misguided quest of Michael Hayward, 10, who is against nude sunbathing on what his petition calls "family beaches." The problem isn't rampant nudity and sex, nor is it that nude beaches are already illegal (they are not, although Hayward does have a point about their proxmimity to his playground.) No, it's how his petition is worded that has us scratching our heads...

(Note: we won't say anything about his sign-- or the way he's holding it-- or put the kid down personally. We just respectfully disagree with his position.)

The petition opposed a proposed council bylaw under which nudity would be allowed but if nudists' behaviour was deemed offensive it would be dealt with by the police.

Michael and his mother spotted the naked man near McLean Park children's playground this month.

"I was very upset when we saw the man with no clothes lying right where we had to walk past him. It was horrible, I felt embarrassed, I think other children would find it disturbing. It was not something kids should have to put up with." [Stuff.nz.com]

No offense, Michael, you seem like an all right kid, but think about it this way: if your parents had brought you up with the idea that nudity is natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies, then perhaps it wouldn't have disturbed you so much.

By the way, we just want to make clear that our problem isn't with Hayward-- as we mentioned, he's passionate and quite right to be upset by something strange and, to him, unusual. However, it seems to us that, in this day and age, if one kid complains, that's it, an idea is automatically out. This reminds us of Howard Stern being fined a small fortune because one solitary listener out of several million contacted the FCC about a poop joke.

Let's hope the District Council gives him a polite rebuke... or at least allows nude sunbathing away from children. But either way, allowing the police to decide what kind of naked body is "offensive" is just plain foolish...

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Top 10 Secrets For Looking Great Naked... From A Nudist Resort

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 17:20:00 GMT

Leave it one of those trendy nude getaway spots to tell us what works and what doesn't when you want to be more comfortable in your own, bare, uninhibited, decently-exposed-skin.

Of course, a lot of the ideas on this list are laughable... then again, so is the idea that these places are clothing "optional." It's more like "clothing will be given eyeball daggers of death and the person will be ostracized more than the guy 'accidentally' bumping into you with his boner..."

Our friend Mary in sunny and desolate Palm Springs, California issued this Top 10 list as part of a press release for her Terra Cotta Inn, which is like the Playboy Mansion for old people who don't swing. Which, in fact, is an apt description of Hugh Hefner's lifestyle these days, but anyway...

10) If you worry about existing tan lines - use a self tanner to blend color into your tanned skin.

9) If you use Retin- A, wear a floppy hat while in the sun.

8) Don't wear heavy foundation or make up by the pool. Try a tinted moisturizer with at least a SPF 15 for a flattering glow.

7) Bikini wax at least one week in advance, so your newly exposed skin is not irritated by the sun.

6) Stay at a resort like ours with a salt water pool and whirlpool tub. This way your skin won't dry out and you don't have to worry about your lightened or highlighted hair turning green from chlorine.

5) Apply at least an SPF 15 sunscreen multiple times during the day. That includes on the sides and underside of your breasts, underarms, etc. You don't want to ruin your romantic vacation with a sunburn.

4) No need to diet before going. You don't have to worry how you look in a bikini or swimsuit, since your not wearing one.

3) Get a mani/pedi before going. Ask for a topcoat with UV filters to keep the color bright.

2) Fashionistas who still need their fashion moment in the sun, can wear slinky cover ups to match their sandals and hats or visors. If you like bling, wear flirty ankle chains or toe rings. Jeweled hair clips can complete your birthday suit ensemble.

1) Finally, to make the best use of your romantic time together, leave the cell phone in the room. Remember, you can't hide a blackberry in your bikini if your not wearing one.

Hmmm... we're pretty sure "hide the blackberry in the bikini" is the name of a game the guests play in the room after dinner, but that's another post...

Via PR.com.

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Nude Beachgoers Run Rampant In The Streets... As A Protest, Of Course

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:29:00 GMT

The city of Vancouver, BC, was overrun yesterday by naked, aroused, fast-moving hippies who violated our decency laws and represented one massive offense to God.

Well, at least, that's how some could look at it. The rest of us will just enjoy the photos and perhaps even donate to the cause... you mean you didn't see that coming?

This was all part of the 12th Annual Wreck Beach Bare Buns Run (type that ten times fast), held to raise money to preserve the local nude beach and fight off developers looking to set up peepholes (i.e. buildings on the cliffs above.) Spokesperson Judy

Williams says that celebration will continue on Aug. 23 with "Body Acceptance Day" so "people can start discounting body shame that they're raised with."
Ten-year-old Kevin Kunimoto says he'll be back to do the run again next year. "I just wanted to see how it was," he says. "I ran all by myself."
Occasionally, the epithet 'textile' was uttered during the event. That's the word the beach buffs use when referring to those in clothes.
Registrar Judy Ellery says people come from all over the world to take part in the run. "Last year, we had a whole family show up from Hong Kong," she says. [The Canadian Press]

We'll be there next year, for sure, because there weren't too many great snaps from the event (at least not yet online). But these should give you the general idea...

More about the event here.

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Germans And Poles Are At It Again...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 15:00:00 GMT

Germans and Poles are going to war

Holy Christ! Have we learned nothing from World War - The Sequel? Is Germany going to blitzkrieg the ass off of Poland, particularly the asses of the above two females?

over a nudist beach on the Polish-German border on the Baltic Sea beach, reports British The Sun tabloid.

Oh. Phew. We thought it was, you know, something else...

Germans nudists have been fuming over the fact that since a fence on the two nations' border was removed in 2007, following Poland’s accession to the Schengen borderless zone, Polish bathers stroll into German territory near the Polish town of Swinoujscie, north-western Poland, encroaching on the privacy of naked German sunbathers.

"You feel like an ape in the zoo. The Poles come with their binoculars, stare and swear at us,” one German naturist told The Sun.

The best part of this story is that the rest of this Polish news article features snide remarks about Poles from Germans. Are they trying to start a border war... or, better yet, World War - The Threequel?

“It’s horrible, we would never bathe naked, we are Catholic,” said a Polish beachgoer

That may be the funniest thing I've ever heard. Let's hope this mindless drama continues and that everyone fights to a stalemate, then collapses in an exhausted lovefest...

Via Polskie Radio.

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Does the Nude Beach Have Wireless Internet?

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:54:00 GMT

Hey, New Yorkers. Did you know about the nude beach on the Jersey shore?

The New York Times calls Gunnison Beach one of the greatest kept secrets in the New York Metro area, and we have to agree. Who knew there was a nude beach so close to the city?

Round-trip tickets cost $43, and the trips are becoming so popular that weekend boats carrying up to 400 sometimes “max out,” and a later weekday homebound departure has just been added, said Heather Irvin, a SeaStreak spokeswoman.

The half-mile beach regularly attracts 5,000 sunbathers on a weekend, making it the most populous nude beach in the country, according to Friends of Gunnison, a group that self-polices the beach and runs charity events.

A yellow school bus providing free shuttle service is waiting at the ferry dock for the three-minute ride to the beach. Some of the day’s passengers disperse to “clothed areas” all along Sandy Hook. But Ms. Hu and Ms. Rosen, Mr. Thomas, Mike and Monica and others head for Gunnison, trudging past cautionary signs.

“Warning: Nude Bathers May Be Present on the Beach.”

And farther on, “Beyond This Point You Will Encounter Nude Sunbathers.”

Okay, but does it have wireless Internet? Because that could easily serve as our new office.

[NYT: Ferrying From Manhattan to Bare It All on the Beach]

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Swingers Vs. Nudists In Florida (Of Course)

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Check out the strategically-placed straws that aren't even strategically-placed.

Florida is in the Scanner news twice today, first with a condo solving the housing crisis by installing a new pool, and now with a resort that is facing a civil suit if it can't resolve issues between its original nudist members and infiltrating swingers.

The Caliente Resort & Spa

must cut off ties with Web sites that promote the swinger lifestyle, tighten control on the use of Caliente's name in event advertisements and where the ads are distributed, and get Caliente reinstated in the American Association for Nude Recreation.
Caliente is... also a full-time home for hundreds of people, many of whom objected to the swinger parties, called "Swingfest." They hired [an attorney and demand] the resort clean up its own image.
"If the reputation of the club changes to something more risque, people will worry about bringing their kids," Hathorn said Friday.
The resort refused to scale back what it called a brand campaign focused on "nontraditional nudists." Caliente intends to move forward in expanding our brand to nontraditional nudists and people who want to enjoy occasional skinny-dipping in luxury...
"They will realize they need to work together," Hathorn said Friday. "It's in everyone's best interests for the two entities to work together."

About the only thing we can say about all this is: why is anyone surprised that a nudist colony turns into a swinger's club? There's a very fine line between being naked with a group of people while keeping your hands to yourself and being naked with a group of people and having a full-blown orgy, no?

Via St. Petersburg Times.

Condo Board Solves Housing Crisis With Nude Pool

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 13:00:00 GMT

Eden Condominiums, developers of Arbors at Branch Creek, in Tampa, FL, have hatched upon a new plan to attract business. Apparently, retirees and other ancient peoples in the state are in drawn to condos with...

... a clothing-optional pool.
If approved, residents would be able to parade around in one of the complex's common wet areas, enjoying hot-tubbing, sunbathing, and swimming all in the buff.
Organizers plan to protect au naturel enjoyers from outside eyes with strategically placed shrubbery.

Strategically placed shrubbery? What, are the pool boys, cocktail servers, and the concierge going to follow around at water's edge with a rosebush (no pun intended), hoping the nudists won't make any sudden moves?

"We know there are people out there who will enjoy this amenity," said Christine Pirkle, director of sales for project-developer Eden Condominiums. [AP]

Meanwhile, the condo has seen a spike in applications from convicted camera phone pervs and paparazzi and are unsure as to the reason...

Via City News (Can.)

Wild on Sylt!

April Peveteaux — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 15:30:00 GMT

I know it is untoward to guffaw at anything in the Times, but I couldn’t help but chuckle through their Travel section feature, The 53 Places to Go in 2008. While Tehran was certainly a bold choice, and Algeria came with a warning about terrorist attacks, the ballsiest option appeared at number thirteen, with the hotspot of Sylt. This island in the North Sea filled with nude beaches and German celebrities is described as the “Hamptons of Germany.” And yet somehow it still wound up close to the top of a list that includes Anguilla, Tuscany and St. Lucia.

Yeah, taking Das Jitney to hang out in an overpriced share with drunk fans of the Hoff while Heidi Klum and Einstürzende Neubauten take all the good seats at the new Wolfgang Puck joint sounds positively furchtbar.

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Wild on Sylt!