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Why Can't Michelle Obama Be Naked For Art?

Drew Grant — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:43:00 GMT

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, France’s hottie first lady, is on display in her birthday suit alongside strippers, pin-up girls, and Dita Von Tease at a Paris art auction. Unfortunately, it’s only a nude drawing of the former model: But if you don’t remember Carla’s nudie stir when these pictures surfaced last year, you obviously haven’t been paying attention. The pic sold for $91,000, though the drawing probably will only go for $3,000-4,000…either because of art deprecation or because a picture is only worth a thousand words, not one hundred thousand euro.

The Original photo:

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Oldest Piece of Art Determined to Be Pornographic

Maxim’s 10 Sexiest Women of 2009

Heidi Montag Nude In Playboy?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:02:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Word is she and Spencer are in negotiations with Hef...

Read more...

Double Your Pleasure

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:19:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: What is it about retro lithographs that hits on our collective sense of national nostalgia? Actually, that's probably exactly what it is, but regardless, they're just... Cool. And these very, very NSFW retro pin-ups by Mel Ramos are a perfect example of this:

Read more...

Dita's New Nude Revue

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 19:50:00 GMT

Pack a beret and pick up a smoking habit: Scanner dream girl (some want to do her some want to be her) Dita Von Teese is gearing up for a two-week nude revue at the Crazy Horse Saloon in Paris.

"I feel that Paris is a place that still appreciates its showgirls," she told Reuters in an interview before a two-week run at the celebrated Crazy Horse theater from February 1.

Von Teese, a familiar figure at the Paris couture shows, has carved a peculiar niche over the years, leading the way as burlesque has grown from simple striptease to becoming an established part of the fashion world.

Two years ago she emerged from a rhinestone-encrusted bubblebath as the first guest star at the Crazy Horse but the new show will have more specially designed numbers, including two songs she has recorded herself.

"I feel I have to raise the bar," she said.

The Crazy Horse has been a Paris institution since 1951, regularly drawing celebrities like Madonna or fashion designer Jean-Paul Gaultier to see its dancers strut the stage in little more than fluorescent wigs and strobe lights.

"I've always had a real fascination with the Crazy Horse ever since I was a teenager and I found a picture of this line of nearly nude toy soldiers standing at attention," she said, referring to the trademark parade that opens the nightly show.

"I wanted to do something more elaborate this time," she said. "Combine the Crazy Horse style with what I do which is classic American burlesque."

We think you can make reservations here. But then again, we failed French. Twice.

[Yahoo: Dita von Teese back at Paris revue]

Related:

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy - the Sequel

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Dita Von Teese Graces Us With These Playboy Photos

Sloppy Seconds: Dita Von Teese's Lesbian Porno

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

Colleen Kane — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:47:00 GMT

Two cheerleaders at Bothell High School in Washington state were naive enough to pose for nude cell phone photos and not realize the photos would be passed all around the school, which was what in fact happened. (Duh)

And now apparently according to the school and some commenters on the Internet, the cheerleaders are the only ones to blame.

The two young women in question have been suspended from the cheerleading squad, which is rather harsh, because what else are cheerleaders going to do with themselves? Now the parents are suing the school district. As one of them said, "If she had been caught taking illegal drugs twice, she would not have been punished this severely. The school has arbitrarily taken away the one thing that my daughter loves most. She will never get that back again."

Meanwhile, in the grand old tradition of condemning the high school female slut but not other participants in the slutting, not one student who passed around the photos to others has been sought out or questioned by the school. However, as part of this in-depth investigation, the nudie photos did get distributed further to members of the school administration. Apparently, they simply could not have come to a decision without seeing the photos -- one which, by the by, was taken when the girl was 13.

The teens' attorney said, "The student code of the conduct does say that athletes are held to a higher standard." (So that's another reason for us to never be athletes, besides laziness, being out of shape, lack of skill.) "The problem that we have -- one of my clients took the photo back when she was 13, before she even was a student at the school and the photo, unfortunately, has been following her around from grade level to grade level. As a result, I find it difficult to believe she can be punished for something violating a code of conduct that she simply had no knowledge of until after she got into high school."

We have a feeling that this is the kind of scandal that Europeans love to laugh at Americans for, for being so uptight about nudity in the first place, and we have another feeling that the commenters saying those cheerleaders got what they deserved are the same bozos who make up the Men's Rights Movement.

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Sloppy Seconds: Which Pop Star Might Play The Lead In The Next Tarantino Film?

Image: townofgrace.org

Nudity in the UK: Rock Star Daughters in the Buff

Colleen Kane — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 17:51:00 GMT

It is scientific fact that rock stars make beautful babies due to their 100% rate of reproducing with models. Now the British Conde Nast mag Tatler is capitalizing on that plus the continuing popularity of nudity, with three bare-ass nekkid rock star daughters on their January 2009 cover. Also, one of them is knocked up, so there's a hidden rock star granddaughter or son on the cover too (also naked).

Those ladies are: Kimberly Stewart (daughter of Rod), Leah Wood (daughter of Ron), and Peaches Geldof (daughter of Bob). The mother-to-be is Kimberly. The trio were recruited to illustrate the issue's feature, Rock Babes, and the photographer was Bryan Adams, the Bryan Adams, of "Summer of '69" fame.

Related:

Caption This: Rod Stewart Thinks He Has Something to Say To You

I Love Myself for Loving You: Rod Stewart

While You Were Sleeping: Bailon To Do Playboy For 100G's?

Photo: Tatler.co.uk

While You Were Sleeping: McCain Checked Palin Out Again

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 14:04:00 GMT

Ryan O'Neal and his son are trying to show Tatum how it's done: they were just arrested for possession of meth. Redmond, the son, was on probation for another drug-related arrest.

Gary Coleman was charged with reckless driving in the most bizarre celebrity accident we've ever heard of.

Don't miss Brad Pitt's response to a reporters question on why he donated $100,000 to the gay marriage fight in California:

"Because no one has the right to deny another their life, even though they disagree with it, because everyone has the right to live the life they so desire if it doesn't harm another and because discrimination has no place in America, my vote will be for equality and against Proposition 8," Pitt said Wednesday.

Brad Pitt also expressed surprise that more people in the entertainment industry aren't making donations to keep gay marriage legal. "Especially George Clooney," Pitt said. "Now, that guy should be driving up to city hall with a dump truck full of cash. I'm not implying anything, but 'dedicated bachelor'? That's about as convincing as marrying Katie Holmes."

One of our favorite books of poetry has been turned into... a nude play?

PETA invaded Pittsburgh, with banners over their naked bodies that read: "Turn Your Back On Burberry."

And John McCain checked out Sarah Palin's ass... again.

Related:

Gary Coleman Hit a Man, With a Truck, at a Bowling Alley

Vanity Fair's Best Dressed List: Perfect or Pathetic?

PETA Gets Women's Clothes Off Faster Than a $50 Bill at the Bunny Ranch

The Town Of Valentine, Nebraska Is Under Attack From The Butt Bandit

PETA: Public Nudity Didn't Work, Let's Try Public Showering...

While You Were Sleeping: The New Robin Hood Movie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:59:00 GMT

How Do I Find My G-Spot? and other eternal questions are on i-Village today.

Are you under 13 (and somehow getting away with reading Nerve? You rule!) Then join Club Penguin, the social network site for (pre-)teenyboppers.

It doesn't have a hope in hell of being a true fact, but would it be great if Johnny Depp was cast for this role in the next Batman movie?

..the Riddler?

Headline of the day: Twinsburg police: Scuffle with nude man leads to bomb scare at gas station

The anthrax researcher who may have been harassed by the FBI after the 2001 attacks has killed himself, sources say.

Charlie Crist may be off John McCain's VP list. Too bad for Obama supporters, as a Crist gay scandal would surely have surfaced in October.

Lesbians from New York were in the first wave of out-of-state couples to be married by the Governor of Massachusetts after thenew law passed. Bonus: they have an 11 year old girl. Let's have one on all of them tonight.

Maggie Gyllenhaal wants you to make a video for her. Unfortunately for her, it's not that kind of video.

Talk about egomania and director dementia: the new Robin Hood film starring Russell Crowe as a badass/kind-of-good-guy Sheriff of Nottingham has been delayed because the leaves in the forest are the wrong color. Dudes, it doesn't have to be historically accurate-- Robin Hood wasn't real!

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Spank Me/It: The Nastiest Sex Scenes Ever

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Charlie Crist's "Sex Tape" Could Land Him The Vice-Presidency

Johnny Depp and His Penis Will Not Be Shilling Trojans

We Saw The Dark Knight In A Cavernous Movie Theater, During The Dead Of Night

Princess Eugenie's Endearing Nude Rampage

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:02:00 GMT

The English papers are in an uproar over Princess Eugenie's supposed nude "rampage" of last week. We here in America have a different word for it: we call it "college."

A senior staff member was woken by playful shrieks in the college grounds, and upon investigating found about a dozen young women dancing around without any clothes on. [via Telegraph]
“The girls had been drinking, possibly in a local pub, and decided to let their hair down.It was a couple of weeks ago just before people started taking their A-levels and some find exams all a bit stressful. For some reason they stripped off and started prancing about.” [via British Royal Wedding]

A royal source said: "It was nothing more than high jinks at the end of term in May. A group of them were reprimanded and that's the end of the matter." [Telegraph]

Yes, people, she's an eighteen-year-old girl in her (we're guessing) first year of university, having a bit of innocent fun in the buff, which is not immoral, not even in Britain. And, my God, hasn't the daughter of the Duke and Duchess of York suffered enough over the years, thanks to media scrutiny, a wild family life, and the pressures of royalty? Let's let her blow off some steam and, if she wants to stop allowing lame Photoshopping of her beautiful, natural curves (see bland, ultra-thin anti-Eugenie, pictured above) and ditch the oh-so-typical pretty boys, we are available for intercontinental iChat...

Mirror: Princess Eugenie Is Airbrushed

Telegraph: Princess Eugenie caught frolicking naked at school.

Today in WTF: Nude Criminals On The Rise

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 28 May 2008 19:15:00 GMT

Authorities aren't sure whether the latest uptick in nude criminal behavior is a result of some mass cultural craziness or the nice weather we've been having, but they certainly make for great coffee break conversation.

Check out the latest capers, all of which are making us feel like streaking on this beautiful spring day...

1) Police in Florida received an embarrassed call from a married couple after a woman came home from a solo vacation and discovered tens of thousands of dollars in jewelry missing. The husband blamed their newly-hired maid, who came from a $100-per hour nude house cleaning service, arrived at his house while his wife was away, and proceeded to clean the place up in the buff. We've been warning you people about dating on Craig's List... now we have to warn you about hiring anonymous nude maids, too? When will we ever learn...?
2) A couple of teenagers were arrested on DUI and drug possession charges after crashing, in the nude, into first a stop sign and then a utility pole. Megan, the driver, "told officers in the report that the two had just had sex, and that she drank three or four beers before the accident. According to the report, marijuana was found in her purse."

What's the twist that connects these two stories? They both took place on the Florida coast... hmmm... maybe you, like us, are wondering if there's some connection here. The rest of you can just enjoy the weirdness of Floridians and nudists everywhere. God bless 'em.

Eva Mendes Does Incredibly Hot Vogue Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 19:11:00 GMT

Thank God, these are so NSFW it's not even funny...

First off, what are these pictures supposed to be of? Some 1950s Italian movie stars? We're very confused by magazines like Vogue-- they always seem to be unsure what their own point is.

As for Eva, if she's trying to become the next Paris Hilton (or Sasha Grey), these will surely help raise her to that status-- a tart. Not that we mind that-- after all, she's in movies like We Own the Night and Ghost Racer or whatever it's called, so we don't actually respect her as an actress anyway...

Don't miss this photo, which is mind-blowingly hot and involves lingerie, heels, and being bent over a table... don't say we didn't warn you!

All of these and many more via No Watermark.

Why We're Bad Sex Bloggers

Emily Farris — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 19:48:00 GMT

Because we saw this painting on ponyXpress a while ago, and bookmarked it, and keep going back to it, and all we can think is one thing...

"I want her hair."

[ponyXpress: the amber woods]

Boob Watch: Swedish Topless Crusaders Still At It

Bryan Christian — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 18:01:00 GMT

Jeez Louise, we are all for boobs getting free of their restraints -- whereever in the world -- but seriously, haven't these gals Ragnhild and Kristin been shoving their ta-tas in everyone's faces enough? We've written about them twice before, and dammit, we're gettin' a little sick of them. Yes, we know, they're incrementally securing the right to show your young female body in the Orwellian nightmare that is Sweden, and now they're inspiring other girls to do the same in The Netherlands. But can someone just, like, wake us up when R & K are leading a band of naked victorious nymphets across the Atlantic Ocean or something?

[img and copy via]

Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis: The Results

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:30:00 GMT

The responses ranged from "I'd do HER mother" to "JLC is embarrassing herself" and even "hottest hermaphrodite ever." After all the bickering and politically correct insults, we have the answer to this very important question.

It seems to us that if a woman is so hot that a commentor would vow to do the woman's dead mother, I think we have a clear majority on the question of whether or not said woman is hot. Among the highlights:

She's gorgeous. Still. Look at the life in her eyes! I don't think she's embarrassing herself at all. By insisting on foregoing the usual Photoshop treatment, and wearing no makeup, etc. she's showing off the fact that you can have the more imperfect body of a 50-year-old and still be hot. I'd do her. Absolutely. - naneaux

Others disagreed:

I'll be the honest politically-incorrect one. Let's be honest here. Youth=beauty and that is that. When one gets older one needs to find OTHER things to live for. - newconmetalhead

Others agreed and disagred:

I'm a guy, and we're ALL pigs. So, would I do her? Hell yeah. Would she make even my top 5000? Not a chance. - Cjet

Result:

We'd do her. Although maybe not without the Photoshopping...

And before we get to an appetizing picture to reward you for your participation, we'd like to make a correction and apologize to reader Moz, an employee of AARP: we were fully aware that your organization is no longer refered to by its full name (an attempt to rope in the under-retiree set), but it makes for a much funnier opening line: "Jamie Lee Curtis is celebrating turning fifty by appearing topless on the cover of the American Association of Retired Persons Magazine?!" Dig? Okay, without further ado...

Previously: Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis

What The Bloody Hell Is St. Patrick's Day, Anyway?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:20:00 GMT

Is it, as practiced in this country, merely an excuse for people to get drunk? Moreover, is it the one chance for white males to have their day in the sun, cherishing a heritage that may or not actually be theirs? An excuse to grope redheads (as if we need one)? Or is it a real holiday, not created by Hallmark or McSorley's...?

To know more about why March 17th drives people to drink, we look to the all-knowing Wikipedia, which tells us nothing:

When he was about sixteen [Patrick] was captured by Irish raiders and taken as a slave to Ireland, where he lived for six years before escaping and returning to his family. He entered the church, as his father and grandfather had before him, becoming a deacon and a bishop.
Pious legend credits Patrick with banishing snakes from the island, though post-glacial Ireland never actually had snakes...

So, St. Patrick's Day is founded on a pack of lies. Better yet, to start a rumor, St. Patrick is a fraud and was created by a very stoned J.K. Rowling. Seriously, though, we're stil not sure how a day celebrating an ancient priest turned into the only time straight men can get away with holding each other's hair over a public toilet.

And according to the History Channel, it was only recently that the government of Ireland sold out to revelers who haven't gone to bed since Mardi Gras and are looking for an excuse to sing Pogues songs:

In modern-day Ireland, St. Patrick's Day has traditionally been a religious occasion. In fact, up until the 1970s, Irish laws mandated that pubs be closed on March 17. Beginning in 1995, however, the Irish government began a national campaign to use St. Patrick's Day as an opportunity to drive tourism and showcase Ireland to the rest of the world.

All we know is that however you celebrate tonight (wait, you started already?!), please don't subject us to any of the following:

MORE: New York Post on St. Patrick's Day

Video of the Day: The Onion Movie Trailer!

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 13:00:00 GMT

If the readers of Gawker hate it, it must be funny...

We never realized how many people found the geniuses at the Onion unfunny, but then we realized that nobody impresses Gawker commentors like themselves. We'd be glad to rent this for free from Netflix/Blockbuster/Pirate Bay, although we must admit it looks, sounds, and feels (squishy) pretty damn similar to Kentucky Fried Movie:

NSFW?: Porn Stars Celebrate International Women's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:56:00 GMT

Women's History: Presented by Porn Stars on FunnyOrDie.com

If you're going to satirize women's history day using porn stars, there had better be more gratuitous nudity.

In honor of International Women's Day, which will be ignored celebrated by media outlets everywhere tomorrow.

From Funny or Die.

Hot or Not: PETA Protests?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:30:00 GMT

There's a bit of pro and con on this one.

Pro: Several of them look really hot. They're activists, for what we are grudgingly going to refer to as a "good cause," and therefore sexy.

Con: Several of them... um... not really so much. And PETA's hyper-aggressive scare tactics may put off more people than they persuade. In any case, let's look at some more gratuitous pictures and discuss.

Let us start by saying we are not aiming to make sex objects of these folks. The Asia-Pacific wing of the People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals, seen here and below at a protest/photo op/press conference condemning the running of the bulls in Pamplona, are more than just a bunch of naked people trying to get our attention.

We really want to know-- pluses and minuses mentioned above factored in-- are they hot or not? (Don't worry, there is sure to be plenty of boring political news today for those overstimulated by this.)

More of Charlie Brewer's pictures can be seen via the "Nude Bull Run" slideshow, via NEWS.com.au.

Pamela Anderson to Give Nude Revue in Paris?

Emily Farris — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 16:14:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson is set to perform a special Valentine's Day show at Paris' Crazy Horse Cafe, known for its nude sets. Though it's still unsure whether she'll bare all. We get the feeling everyone will be sorely disappointed and thoroughly relieved when she wears the skimpiest bikini ever and claims to have stayed clad.

[BBC News: Anderson in Paris cabaret show via Fleshbot]