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Why Can't Michelle Obama Be Naked For Art?

Drew Grant — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:43:00 GMT

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, France’s hottie first lady, is on display in her birthday suit alongside strippers, pin-up girls, and Dita Von Tease at a Paris art auction. Unfortunately, it’s only a nude drawing of the former model: But if you don’t remember Carla’s nudie stir when these pictures surfaced last year, you obviously haven’t been paying attention. The pic sold for $91,000, though the drawing probably will only go for $3,000-4,000…either because of art deprecation or because a picture is only worth a thousand words, not one hundred thousand euro.

The Original photo:

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Drew Grant — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:38:00 GMT

The Sun must be filled with boob men: Yesterday we saw them interview Norma Stitz and her gigantic rack, and today they've compiled a list of the best jugs and hooters in the world. And yes, they included NSFW pics, thank god.

Lolo Ferreira, once-owner the world's biggest pair of tits (Stitz only has the biggest natural pair)

Keeley Hazell, some Brit famed for her "Page 3" status (I guess that's like our Page 6, but with more tits?)

Maxi Mounds, who is the current owner of the biggest hooters...well, who has the world's smallest?

Becy and Mel, the first ever lesbian Page 3 duo

Tara Reid...on this list for some unknown reason

Peta Todd, another Page 3 Girl

The rest of the nature's most perfect presents can be found here.

(Via)

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Video of Jessica Biel Nude Scenes in Powder Blue, Compiled!

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Jessica Biel may be too busy crunching her abs or making sweet, sweet love to Justin Timberlake to comment on the apparently excessive nudity featured in her new film, Powder Blue, but that didn't stop some genius from putting together a montage of all Biel's best "acting," moments in the Christma-hooker drama. Watch her strip to Cat Power (no seriously, Biel got duped into starring in my freshman year boyfriend's Cinema 101 project), after the jump.

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The Flavor of Love Sex Tape

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 16:54:00 GMT

Hoopz, the winner of Flava Flav's fake reality show Flavor of Love on VH-1, is open to all offers of free publicity. We haven't seen or heard from the first-season winner of that show since her 2008 triumph on another VH-1 program, I Love Money. She must be enjoying the $250K prize she took away from that little-seen competition and holing up with her boyfriend, James "Boo" Jackson, a basketball player of minor standing, in Louisville, Tennessee.

Now comes a report (and photo evidence, albeit the teasing, censored kind) that Hoopz has appeared in a sex tape with some dude, presumably Jackson, and that a nefarious character plans to release the footage on DVD any day now...

This twerp, who goes by Mr. ZZee, offered us four horribly-blacked-out photos of a woman resembling Hoopz, who is seen acting out what can only be described as "obvious porn moves." In the video excerpt (also censored), linked below, Hoopz acknowledges the camera, leaving us to wonder: was this staged for private use or, as it seems from the photos, deliberately designed to work as a full-blown porn movie, complete with the various positions seemingly required by all modern grade-Z adult films?

WARNING: Although Mr. ZZZZZZZZZ blacked-out the "naughty bits" in these graphic images, they're still not safe for work...

Here's the link to a 15-second clip-- again, it's almost unwatchable due to black-box blackouts.

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Miss Rhode Island Jumps Into Nude Photo Scandal, As Third Prejean Pic Surfaces

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 12 May 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Right-wingers have been crying foul on this Carrie Prejean hate-wave happening all across the 'net. They say, "It's unfair to attack Carrie just because she disagrees with you." Who's attacking her? These were photos she shot for her modeling career and so should have no problem with their being leaked. And if she didn't lie to the pageant people, she shouldn't have to worry about losing her crown over them, right?

Now, they're trying a different tactic: "Wait a minute-- there's a double standard here. Miss Rhode Island has also posed partially-nude-- why don't liberals care about them?"

As always with this ridiculous scandal, Miss Rhode Island's photos are only mildly NSFW...

Miss Rhode Island 2009, by the way, is one Alysha Castonguay, a Maxim magazine star for one month in 2008. We're betting good money that you haven't heard about Castonguay during this brouhaha because she may have actually read her contract with the Miss USA folks and warned them she'd recently posed for the magazine... or some other similar scenario. Prejean's real problems only began, you'll recall, when he told her superiors that a) the photos were basically child porn, which it now seems they weren't and b) there should only be one of them out there. As you can see below, that's not true either:

(And by the way, we're getting real sick of The Dirty for dragging this near-non-story out for so long. If all these photos are virtually identical, it's a huge dramatic letdown when they appear after such epic waits. Pic #4 better be a real naked shot and it better come out sometime before the year 2047.)

As for Miss Rhode Island, it turns out she was a New England Patriots cheerleader for two seasons, which included a stint as the cover girl for the team's swimsuit calendar, and the Maxim shoot was actually in conjunction with two of her teammates:

As always, click each photo for a new window and enlarge from there.

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Michael Phelps Still Celebrating With Strippers, Probably Hitting the Hash Pipe

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 15:27:00 GMT

Michael Phelps appears to be content to vanish into a haze of canned beer stink and vaporized marijuana in the city of Baltimore, Maryland.

Today, one of his sex partners (we hesitate to use the term "ex-girlfriend," since the only real date they had was a "special value meal" together at Taco Bell), a stripper named Theresa White (we're guessing the 25-year-old Latin bombshell is using an alias) spoke with News of the World about the orgies, drugs, junk food, and best of all, the three-hour marathon sex sessions with the Olympian...

Her scandalous allegations about the multiple-gold winner include:

-she actually picked him up one night when they were drunk at her strip club. She staggered over and asked him if he wanted to take anyone in the club home with him and he said "you" and pointed to two other girls. Eventually, a threesome was arranged, apparently Phelps' first. It's good to be the King Stoner.

-Phelps spends all his money in (illegal?) online gambling rooms, where he hopes to one day become a champion, his new goal in life

-never took her out on a real date, unless you count Taco Bell, which we believe 100%

-hates Spaniards

-had sex with her for more than three hours and "should be given a gold medal for lovemaking," according to White, who also offhandedly mentions she has 34D boobs

-okay, we made up the Spaniards one

-has a harem of at least five or six women he considers "easy lays" in the Baltimore area

-has a major chewing tobacco habit and his house smells like ass-- and not the good kind

Phelps, it's time to clean up your act. There will be many more women angry with you and willing to soil the public image you cherish so deeply...

Via News of the World.

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These Claire Danes Nipple Slips Make Up For A Lack of Quality Nipple Slips This Week

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 17:05:00 GMT

We read you loud and clear-- you couldn't find Goldie Hawn's nipples in close up. Hell, you didn't see Sasha Grey's boobs in two posts with her nipples in them. Obviously, someone is using Netscape Navigator or some other image-blurring browser that hates Scanner and boobs.

Thankfully, Claire Danes stepped up to the plate the other day and delivered a very obvious nipple. And in case you didn't see that-- she sure as hell didn't-- we bring you her Greatest Hits...

Remember to click on the photo for a new window/tab, then enlarge by clicking on it...

And her greatest hits-- two moments from an MTV interview a few years back. Happy now, whiners?

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Lydia Hearst Bares Her B-Cups

Drew Grant — Fri, 08 May 2009 13:38:00 GMT

I almost wish that the Hearst touted by our generation was the gun-slinging Patty, what with her self-referential mocking in John Waters' films and badass history with Stockholm syndrome. But instead we get her daughter: Beautiful, brainless Lydia. She may be prettier to look at, but you'd never see her mother posing naked in Italian GQ or making a cameo in Gossip Girl unless she was making a wry political statement. In any case, here are some photos of the second best Hearst woman, without a shirt.

(Via)

Goldie Hawn Keeps Career Alive... with a Nipple Slip?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:48:00 GMT

When we wrote our Top 10 Sexiest Women Over 50 list last week, one reader surprised us by wondering where Goldie Hawn falls on the list. The answer: nowhere, since she has had obvious, terrible, and totally unnecessary plastic surgery. (We can argue about that elsewhere-- that's not the point here.)

As if to prove she's still sexy, Hawn this week becomes the first female celebrity in Hollywood over 50-- at least that we remember-- to flash a boob in public and get free and positive press for it...

Check out this guy below-- he's thinking, "Holy shit, I'm meeting my high school masturbation fantasy, Miss Goldie, and she's showing me her boob."

And so he reaches out to her...

Via this link.

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Rolling Stone Somehow Convinces Sasha Grey to-- Gasp-- Pose Nude

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 05 May 2009 20:42:00 GMT

Rolling Stone jumped on the Sasha Grey-mainstream-breakout bandwagon this week when it featured the porn star-turned-legit-actress in its most recent issue.

Although Grey is a highly intelligent individual, capable of captivating a reader with her hard-earned wisdom, it's obvious no one's buying this magazine, as they say, "for the articles..."

In her featured profile, the 21-year-old scream queen (of the other kind) discussed the thing she hates most about her day job:

Sasha Grey is the adult industry’s reigning princess of porn, a rock & roll 21-year-old with an actual mission statement — “Most of the XXX I see is boring, and does not arouse me physically or visually. I am determined and ready to be a commodity that fulfills everyone’s fantasies” — and few taboos.
“I don’t need to see genitalia up close; I don’t need to see a dirty yellow couch against a white wall. I want to see something different, like this is not exciting to me."
"If you look at me and you think 'Here’s a woman who’s intelligent, cognizant and making her own choices, and you still tell me that what I’m doing is wrong, screw you, because that should end the debate.'"

The article goes on to mention Grey's ten years of acting lessons and her interest in breaking into Hollywood-- but not by doing Michael Bay-type Blockbusters. She wants to be an indie darling along the lines of a Parker Posey or Lili Taylor. What do you think? Is it too late to save Sasha or are porn stars the next superstars?

We've been reading Rolling Stone for years and this is the first time we've seen a (celebrity) nipple. Click on the photos for larger images.

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Lily Allen Swears off Sex, Won't Stop Teasing Us

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Look, we have no problem if celebrities like Lily Allen want to beg off sex for a while-- hell, at least until we come along. If they're going to do that, we just wish they-- meaning Lily specifically-- would stop showing off ~~their~~ her boobs...

Lily Allen gave an interview, released yesterday, announcing she has decided to remain celibate... to improve her music.

Allen often uses her personal life as inspiration for her hits, but admits she is stuck in a creative rut.

Allen, who has previously dated Chemical Brothers star Ed Simons and art dealer Jay Jopling, is currently single but has decided she won't get involved with any more men, as a sex ban with help her focus on her songs.

According to the Sun, she says, "Sometimes it helps. It's good to get out of your comfort zone and test yourself. I'm just going to see how it goes for a bit. I haven't set a time limit or anything." [Ed. note: Our pick in the betting pool: two hours.]

The singer recently admitted she sometimes deliberately sabotages her relationships in a bid to improve her song-writing: "I've actually broken up with boyfriends for inspiration. When I hit a period of not being able to write music, I get up and I walk away. It's pretty mean - but it's true." [SF Gate]

That didn't stop her from stepping out (as they say in the British tabloids) of a London restaurant the other night in this seethrough dress. Lily Allen, please change your crappy music... but don't change your excellent fashion sense. Evidence here:

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Double Your Pleasure

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:19:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: What is it about retro lithographs that hits on our collective sense of national nostalgia? Actually, that's probably exactly what it is, but regardless, they're just... Cool. And these very, very NSFW retro pin-ups by Mel Ramos are a perfect example of this:

Read more...

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:34:00 GMT

The 12 Saddest World Record Attempts Ever Caught on Video

Here's today's funniest video, courtesy of Cracked. Is there anything finer than a Poor Man's Wil Wheaton sitting around a bad bluescreen and making cracks about burning old people alive?

Yes, there is: the morons that man lampoons.

The Art of the Nude Supermodel

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 18:22:00 GMT

Russell James is the supermodel's photographer. He has worked for Sports Illustrated, Vogue, and Marie Claire and photographed pretty much every "name" model on the planet, including Gisele Bundchen, seen above on the cover of James' new book.

The photographer is particularly known for his nude snaps, many of which you've seen time and again on Scanner...

The 300-page self-titled book is the result of ten years of great art from the former host of VH-1's The Shot. James himself was unavailable for comment at press time to comment, but we know from reading press about him in the past that he is currently documenting the Aborigines in Australia and directing televison commericals for Victoria's Secret and others.

Here's something to tide you over before your copy arrives. In order: Adriana Lima (her second photo here may not be in the book, but you won't mind), Heidi Klum, and Karolina Kurkova.

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Girls, Girls, Girls: World's Greatest Strip Club Reopens, Is Hiring Hundreds of Broads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

The Body Shop in West Hollywood, California, is the world's top strip club, hands down. It's not about class or style or even decent drink prices. It's about history.

All those historic touchstones were burned away thanks to an electrical fire in 2008, but that hasn't ended owner Salah Almudarris' dream of dominating the entire state's strip club market...

Almudarris reopened his club on Thursday with a reduced staff-- and he claims to be seeking up to 500 strippers (!) to add to his roster. My God, where does he fit them all? With approximately 50 girls dancing a night, each making between several hundred and $1,000, the Body Shop is small but important part of the local economy-- after all, the club doesn't have a liquor license, so customers are encouraged to frequent area bars before stepping inside.

Two key facts before we get to the historic photos: 1) The club was immortalized in that "classic" Motley Crue song Girls, Girls, Girls and 2) Megan Fox fell in love with a stripper here, as reported by every major media outlet last year, including Scanner.

What the...? Dirty old gnome, get your own partially-nude woman...

Via SFGate (right-click to open in new tab/window.)

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Lisa Rinna Poses For Playboy At 45, Just For the Hell of It

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Lisa Rinna doesn't need Hugh Hefner's money. The former Melrose Place and Days Of Our Lives star is quite content to do Broadway with her husband and the occasional season of Dancing With the Stars.

But she says she wanted to prove that her body is still great at nearly half a century. What do you think?

Rinna, who is married to actor Harry Hamlin, says her husband encouraged her to show off her body in this month's Playboy. The actress, who has had plastic surgery and botox, didn't need to think it over for too long. And the idea of doing a Mrs. Robinson-inspired shoot with her favorite photographer was icing on the cake:

In 1998, Rinna created a stir when she posed for a nude pictorial while six months pregnant in the September issue of Playboy magazine. She will pose again in 2009. Rinna explains she received direct orders from Playboy photographer Deborah Anderson, who also shot Rinna for the Room 23 book. "She said, 'I do not want you long and sinewy and angular and muscular. I want you soft,' " says Rinna. "This was really hard for me because being 45 years old and posing for Playboy, you want to amp it up," Rinna told People. [Wikipedia]

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Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Ever since the maturity of Jessica Biel, readers of Maxim and other perpetual droolers have been wondering "when is Jessica Biel gettin naked aready ??!?" Surprisingly, she wasn't holding out for a period piece or an Oscar-worthy performance as a nun-cum-prostitute in a Ron Howard movie.

The lucky winners are the producers of Powder Blue, which apparently boasts nothing else noteworthy, since no one even seems to know what the plot of this film is. Here's what we've retained from reading various blogs, press notes, and reviews: Powder Blue has its theatrical release in two weeks, and four weeks after that, the movie has its DVD release. This movie must be so atrocious that the filmmakers don't even hold out hope it's going to have a substantial box office take after a month.

Click on any of the following set of photos to get a new window, then you'll be able to blow these up to their full glory.

And even though these delightful pictures are easier on the eyes than, say, severely washed-out photos taken in a darkroom, that's exactly what the final cut looks like:

Members of the Perv Club... this is definitely our rental for the June meeting...

What Are All Those Unemployed Bloggers Up To These Days?

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:03:00 GMT

This morning we woke to an email from Drew Grant, formerly of Jossip.com. We say formerly, not because she (who we totally thought was a he) quit, or got fired, but because Jossip, like its sister site MollyGood before it, is on, uh, hiatus.

But not to worry. Drew has a new gig over at ASSME.org—not to be confused with the NSFW assme.com—where she's blogging with the likes of Gawker casualties and other unemployed "media elites." So, what does ASSME stand for? And why are we writing about it?

ASSME is The American Society of Shitcanned Media Elites. A pretty appropriate name for a place where internet famous people go after being "let go" for one reason or another. ASSME.org is edited by Sheila McClear, who back in the fall was surprise laid off by Gawker.

So why are we writing about them? You don't think we're naive enough to believe that we couldn't be laid off at any moment, do you?

Another site to check out, The Awl, launched today by former Gawkers Choire Sicha and Alex Balk.

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[Image]

Joss Stone Had An Ass Slip At Coachella

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:08:00 GMT

Joss Stone, the 22-year-old British soul singer, was added to the lineup of the Coachella just four days prior to her Saturday afternoon performance.

Perhaps she's now regretting not having had enough time to pick out an appropriate outfit for an outdoor peformance on an elevated stage...

This is why it's important to have security turn around once in a while and see what's going on onstage, if only for the performer's sake. As you can see, this is becoming a problem...

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Cheerleading Coach In Hottest Nude Photo Scandal Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:20:00 GMT

Channel 13 in Sacramento claims to have been "up all night" (you'll believe it when you see the photos) working on the story of Carlie Christine, a cheerleading coach at Casa Robles High School, who was outed as a Playboy and internet porn pinup yesterday after she got on the bad side of a bunch of bitchy wannabe cheerleaders.

But unlike everyone else foaming at the mouth over this amusing tale of moonlighting gone wrong, we have the photographic evidence to prove it really happened...

Christine, it turns out, used her real name (or at least the same name she teaches under) in posing for Playboy, which made it a cinch that the entire football team would eventually stumble across the snaps, which it did. But it was when an undetermined number of girls were kicked off the cheerleading squad for skipping school their awful parents leaked the online photos to shocked school officials.

According to the local media, Christine has been fired from her coaching job, although we'd be surprised if she doesn't quickly make ten times the money modeling. We found something CBS missed: Carlie Christine's modeling website.

I am shorter in stature but photograph very proportionate and I stay thin and toned.
I currently have shoulder-length natural brown hair and intend on keeping it the same from now on.
I do have four small tattoos that I cover with makeup or have airbrushed out for photos unless they are wanted for the shoot.

More of her nude photos, including full frontal images, can be seen here.

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Media Fawning All Over Sasha Grey Now That They're Allowed To

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

Sasha Grey's mainstream breakout role in The Girlfriend Experience, playing later this month at the Tribeca Film Festival before a wider release in May, is exciting the elitist media on the east coast. They're all big fans of Grey, which means they've been waiting for years to get her (half?) naked for their magazines while interviewing her on their office couch. Thankfully, Grey is too wise and experienced to fall for their tricks... she ends up coming off as a well-adjusted, well, porn star.

In this week's New York Magazine, Grey talked about playing a Ashley Alexandra Dupre-era prostitute in her first "legitimate" feature film...

How were you cast?
One of Soderbergh’s writers, Brian Koppelman, contacted me through MySpace. I thought it was a joke, because I get a lot of fake offers on MySpace. Then Steven left me a voice mail.

What, as they say, was your motivation?
Steven was really secretive about the character, but he wanted me to bring a natural, uninhibited quality to the film. There’s a lot of scenes where I’m improvising. I sat at home, writing a lot, figuring out who she was. I’d take my notes to Steven.

You don’t actually have sex onscreen.
When I had the first meeting I assumed I would be naked and do a sex scene. Did I think I would do five, like in my adult work? No, but even up to the point where we were shooting, I thought there was going to be at least one sex scene.

That’s usually the first thing actresses clear up in their contracts.
The contract did say that I would be nude. But one of the clauses was [laughing] “You cannot have [real] sex.” To me, that was a pretty funny legality.

I imagine you’d never seen that before?
It was pretty weird. But it was great not to have sex—that would have been too easy. If you want to see me having sex, you can do that! Not doing it shifts the focus, because a lot of clients are there for more than the sex.

What’s your plan?
I’ve got to diversify myself. Do I want to be 35, having sex on-camera? No. I want to be sitting on a fucking porch at my beach house with my own successful company.

Via New York Magazine.

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Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:58:00 GMT

The nude issue of Allure, which is out Tuesday the 21st of April, promises to be a smash success, thanks to the naked presence of Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler, Sharon Leal, Lynn Collins, and the hostess with the most sexiness, Padma Lakshmi.

The Top Chef star talked to the magazine about her breasts, her body, and sleeping in the nude-- in that order...

ALLURE: What did you do to prepare for the shoot?
PADMA LAKSHMI: "I exercised a little bit extra, but I actually think I look better when I have a little bit of weight on—my breasts are fuller, and I'm curvier than when I'm at my thinnest."

ALLURE: Are you confident about your body?
PL: "Yes; I like the way I look. I think I look better now than I did in my 20s, because I'm more confident about my body—and I don't want to look like anyone but myself."

ALLURE: Do you sleep naked?
PL: "I tend to sleep in the nude. I'm an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word 'leaning' or it sounds like I'm boasting! When I'm in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on."

Emphasis added. Here are some more partial-nudes of Lakshmi from a photo shoot we've only recently discovered...

As we mentioned, Eliza Dushku and others also posed "nude" for the Allure issue...

ALLURE: What about [getting naked] these days?
ED: "I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer."

Sharon Leal, formerly of Boston Public and Guiding Light, and recently of Dreamgirls, was a bit shaky on the whole nudity thing:

ALLURE: What happened when you dropped the robe?
SL: "I just breathed and said to myself, 'I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful; I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful,' until I didn't have to say that anymore.... It's liberating, but posing once may be enough."

Chelsea Handler, the talk show host and standup comic, practically leapt at the chance to show off:

ALLURE: What was it like on the set?
CH: "I think it was easy—you're naked a couple times a day, so I think it would be easy for most women."
ALLURE: What body parts are you most proud of?
CH: "My boobs are good. They're real and perky. Even if you can't see them, the important thing is that I know about them, and the guys I've slept with know about them."

Lynn Collins, star of the recent bootleg sensation X-Men Origins: Wolverine agreed:

LYNN COLLINS: "Women with confidence in their bodies are the sexiest thing, so I put on my cape of courage and did it. It was quite liberating!"
ALLURE: What body part were you nervous to expose?
LC: "He shot that place where your butt meets your thigh. It's a special place on a woman; it's a highly erogenous zone, but it's one of the hardest places to get in shape."

Via Allure.

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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model Inspired By the Pope

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 19:09:00 GMT

Polish model and soon-to-be megafamous sex symbol Joanna Krupa gave an interview to FoxNews this week about how she got into this whole business of laying about half-undressed... and totally undressed.

Blame the Pope.

Krupa, a Polish 20-something recently named The World's Sexiest Swimsuit Model by Playboy (Bar Rafaeli is crying in her two piece), says that it's her European upbringing that made her comfortable enough with herself to do tasteful nudity:

"I think worrying about going topless in a photo shoot or film is really ridiculous," Krupa told FOXNews.com in an exclusive interview. "And the fact is Pope John Paul said, since we were born naked, it is art, and it's just showing a beautiful body that God created."

Amen. [Yes. That's Fox's word.]

"I was born in Europe, and Europeans have a more casual, natural way of dealing with nudity," Krupa adds. "Interestingly enough, these days, you see nudity and toplessness in almost every critically acclaimed movie, and whenever I pick up a French Vogue, I see bare breasts, and French Vogue still sets the standards."

"I can tell you that I am very proud that everything I have achieved to date has happened due to the hard work of my team and myself," she said. "I was never tempted to give in [to the casting couch] because I have always been in committed relationships, and take the word 'committed' very seriously."

"I live a normal life where family and love comes first. The minute I leave a set, I go back to my regular life and simply enjoy a night at home with my sweetheart and dogs, and if we go out, it's just with a few good friends. I watch the circus, but don't join it. People expect a busy model to be on every party and to indulge in crazy behavior, drugs and multiple lovers - I represent the opposite of that."

Krupa also adds that a PETA ad might not be far off..

"I dedicate as much time as I can to fight for animal rights, and against horrific realities like fur factories and puppy mills," she added. "I also have a column on www.bestswimwear.com where I talk about how to get your body in bikini shape, while still enjoying life, and especially food."

Here's that bikini shape she was talking about:

And the NSFW photos that made the Pope proud are below...

WARNING: NSFW BOOBS... as if the above photos aren't...

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Semen Now Considered A Dangerous Weapon In Oregon

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 15:35:00 GMT

Last June, a woman who had recently broken up with her boyfriend was shopping with her young daughter at the Portland, Oregon Target, just minding her own business. Out of nowhere, her scorned lover approached her and threw-- not acid-- but his own spunk in her face, while the little girl looked on in horror.

The man's eventual convicted for assault wasn't enough for Oregon legislators. Earlier this week, they made it a crime more akin to sexual assault, with greater punishments, and passed a bill making the act of throwing your semen at someone a crime. (The state House passed it unanimously; now the moves on to the Senate, where it will likely have smooth sailing.)

We're not entirely pleased with what we expel during sex either and are always surprised (but in no way appalled) that our partners haven't minded handling it. But having it thrown on you in a public place? This is one of the few bills in the history of humankind that we can all get behind.

Meanwhile, men the world over continue to glorify an arguably degrading practice. The most popular photos of the morning were these Got Milk "parodies" from a Russian tease magazine:

Story via OregonLive.

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Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Star

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:10:00 GMT

Don't take this the wrong way-- we didn't mean that title as some sort of insult to the wonderful and wildly popular crush object Christina Ricci.

Ricci is set to star in a new movie called "Born to Be A Star," which is about a guy who discovers his parents were major porn stars in the 1970s...

According to the Hollywood Reporter (thanks to The Screengrab for the heads up), Adam Sandler co-wrote the movie and Tom Brady is directing. We're assuming it's a different Tom Brady than the quarterback who married Giselle Bundchen (again) in Costa Rica over the weekend. Here's the rundown:

The story centers on a small-town nerd who stumbles upon a family secret: His quiet and demure parents were famous porn stars in the 1970s. This motivates him to leave Northern Iowa for Hollywood, hoping to follow in their footsteps and fulfill his destiny as the biggest adult-film star in the world.

Ricci, the female lead, is the guy's innocent girlfriend.

There's no word on nude scenes or, more specifically, Christina Ricci nude scenes, but we're guessing this might be a raunchy PG-13 that pushes the rating as far as it can go-- in other words, no sex scenes in a movie about... porn.

One more tidbit:

Despite Sandler and Giarraputo's involvement, the movie is not a Happy Madison production but rather by porn title-friendly entity Miles Deep Prods.

Via the Hollywood Reporter.

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Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:04:00 GMT

Marisa Tomei gave an interview to TotalFilm this month on her career and, most importantly to readers, her decision to accept a series of roles that required sex and nakedness.

We hesitate to use the term "revealing" when describing this excerpt (and accompanying NSFW photos, of course), but maybe that's because the pun is so obvious...

"I definitely feel like I didn't want to do that kind of thing when I was younger because I didn't think that it was something a serious actress would do, in a way there is validity to that...
"It's harder to be taken seriously when you're younger, doing [nude scenes] but I've also come to a point of being able to handle the reaction to it - that probably would have been more difficult when I was younger."
On finally undressing for The Wrestler and Before The Devil Knows You're Dead: "I did those two movies because I was grateful to have them come along, frankly.
"I wanted to work with Sidney Lumet and Ethan [Hawke] and Phil [Seymour Hoffman] and Albert Finney.
"Actually, I wasn't so thrilled about the nudity package that was coming with it, but it was the best thing that was offered to me at the time and I really wanted to work, and I trusted Sidney so much.
"Maybe growing older there's an inner sense of what I can trust and I knew I could trust him. So it came out of that." [Press Association]

Growing older or not, this was worth the wait. Keep 'em coming, you amazingly talented, sexy, and very naked "older woman..."

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TSA Shows Some T&A

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 21:08:00 GMT

Hasn't the Transportation Security Administration embarrassed us enough by smelling our stinky shoes, emptying all the expired condoms out of our pockets, and pretending to throw away our open containers of beer (which, no doubt, they keep in a separate "recycling bin")?

Apparently not. You're gonna love how much tits, ass, peen, and whatnot the baggage screeners are going to get a glimpse of if these new X-ray machines are put to use...

The first two images are of a female (note the glorious X-ray boobies), while the right two images are of a male (note that weiner.) Here's a detail:

Believe it or not, this doesn't violate our no-genitals policy because, well, we got these from a legitimate news source, via Twitter, the world's finest news source.

By the way, if you want to avoid having one of these TSA searches, don't fly out of the airport in Salt Lake City, Utah, the only place these New World Order strip searches have gone into effect.

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Bai Ling Trying To Make Mickey Rourke Regret Dumping Her

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:12:00 GMT

Today's Gawker and an edition of the New York Post are excited to report on superstar genius man-actor Mickey Rourke's revived love life. First, they point out, Mickey fended off Bai Ling, going stag to the Oscars, and now faces rumors that a Russian model is trying to use him for fame.

Both sources claim an unnamed "pop star/model" is leaking gossip to Russia's tabloids about her plans to marry the actor. Yeah, and I'd like to announce my engagement to Anne Hathaway, while we're at it.

Meanwhile, Bai Ling is doing some leaking of her own-- namely, these nude photos-- in an attempt to rebound from Rourke.

And the classics that captured his imagination in the first place...

Click the photos for the larger image.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Every guy has a childhood story about finding the nudie mags under their friend's dad's bed. Ours involves raiding our best friend's father's Playboy collection, dating back to the mid-sixties, and going over centerfolds ranging from famous rock groupie Bebe Buell to Vicki Iovine, wife of the great record producer Jimmy Iovine.

But we always got bored with the nude women posing in the same exact way. We ended up digging to the bottom for the Victoria's Secret catalog with Elle MacPherson on the cover. To us, the tease was better than the full monty.

With that in mind, here are Five of our Favorite Sex Scenes Featuring Lingerie...

5. Gia. This first surfaced on the internet entitled "Banned Lingerie Commercial." Yeah, right-- even lingerie commericals aren't this hot. Should this automatically be #1 on any list of anything, including lists that have nothing to do with sex? Yes. Are we too lazy to move it to the bottom of this post? Indeed.

4. Two Days in the Valley. Skip to 0:22 to the part where James Spader finally shuts up when Charlize and her long, long, long legs enter the bedroom... and then they both don't shut up. Ever.

3. Mutual Needs. Is this a porno? Rochelle Swanson's in it, so it must be... but who's complaining? If you have five minutes to kill today, this is how you should spend it.

2. Layer Cake. Skip to 1:30 to build on the hotness. Thinking that this PG-13 movie would be lacking in uncomfortable sex scenes, we decided a Daniel Craig action movie might be a good choice for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Whoops. Sienna Miller here explains why she is able to hypnotize men into leaving their wives-- she just pops in a DVD of this scene:

1. El Beso del Sueno. Maribel Verdu from Y Tu Mama Tambien and... some old guy... in what was obviously her audition for the famous blockbuster Alfonse Cuaron film. Did that movie top this one in her terms of hotness? Of course... but don't miss the close up of Verdu's panties... Cuaron didn't think of that.

Bonus: Lori Loughlin from Full House in what may or may not be lingerie (or is a simple dress?) from Suckers.

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