Scanner : new york times

Oldest Piece of Art Determined to Be Pornographic

Drew Grant — Thu, 14 May 2009 20:22:00 GMT

Archeologists may have found the oldest piece of "art" in existence: A sculpture of Venus de Milo dating back 35,000 years ago. That's approximately 5,000 years before the next Venus knockoffs! So what were the standards for a perfect woman back in the day?

The short, squat torso is dominated by oversize breasts and broad buttocks. The split between the two halves of the buttocks is deep and continuous without interruption to the front of the figurine. A greatly enlarged vulva emphasizes the “deliberate exaggeration” of the figurine’s sexual characteristics, Dr. Conard said.
(...)By modern standards, he said, the figurine’s blatant sexuality “could be seen as bordering on the pornographic.”

Luckily, artistic cavepeople weren't hindered by the Moral Majority Coalition telling them that their statues were sexually deviant pieces of trash.

(Via)

Did You Miss The Sex Workers' Art Show Tour?

Dog Sh*t Art Piece Floats Away, Lands In Children's Home

You Can Take the Boy Out of Chelsea...

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

In their 1979 book "Homosexuality in Perspective" William Masters and Virginia Johnson claimed they'd successfully "converted" more than 70 percent of of men and women who were homosexuals but didn't want to be. We can laugh and point all we want, but we're just a bunch of crazy sex-crazed armchair anthropologists on the Intertubes. But now, someone who is far more respectable than we are is doubting, officially, that Masters and Johnson could have pulled off such a feat.

In his new biography of the sexologists, "Masters of Sex," Thomas Maier questions the validity of the study, and summarizes his doubts in Scientific American:

Most staffers never met any of the conversion cases during the study period of 1968 through 1977. . . . Clinic staffer Lynn Strenkofsky, who organized patient schedules during this period, says she never dealt with any conversion cases. Marshall and Peggy Shearer, perhaps the clinic’s most experienced therapy team in the early 1970s, says they never treated homosexuals and heard virtually nothing about conversion therapy.

When the clinic’s top associate, Robert Kolodny, asked to see the files and to hear the tape-recordings of these “storybook” cases, Masters refused to show them to him. Kolodny—who had never seen any conversion cases himself—began to suspect some, if not all, of the conversion cases were not entirely true. When he pressed Masters, it became ever clearer to him that these were at best composite case studies made into single ideal narratives, and at worst they were fabricated.

Eventually Kolodny approached Virginia Johnson privately to express his alarm. She, too, held similar suspicions about Masters’ conversion theory, though publicly she supported him. The prospect of public embarrassment, of being exposed as a fraud, greatly upset Johnson, a self-educated therapist who didn’t have a college degree and depended largely on her husband’s medical expertise.

With Johnson’s approval, Kolodny spoke to their publisher about a delay, but it came too late in the process.”That was a bad book,” Johnson recalled decades later. Johnson said she favored a rewriting and revision of the whole book “to fit within the existing [medical] literature,” and feared that Bill simply didn’t know what he was talking about. At worst, she said, “Bill was being creative in those days” in the compiling of the “gay conversion” case studies.

As the New York Times' John Tierney asks, does being "creative" mean "making it up?" Um, probably.

[Scientific American via Tierney Lab]

Related:

The New York Times Knows What Women Want, And It's Not Bonobo Porn (Or Is It?)

Sloppy Seconds: Who Says Homosexuality and Polygamy Are The Same Thing?

This Week in Gayness: Matt Drudge Does Not Love Gay Sex With Men

A Pageant for a High Holiday

Colleen Kane — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 14:30:00 GMT

Today is April 20th, aka 4/20, aka 4:20 Dood! The stoney secret of 4/20 is really out now that the New York Times has written about it.

With everyone else more concerned this year with whether the gays should be allowed to marry or not, marijuana is seemingly sneaking in on the verge of legalization for real this time. And so now more than ever, High Times magazine is celebrating with their annual 420 Party and Miss High Times Pageant, to be held at a secret location tonight.

It was worth checking the party's web page just to see the apparent difficulty a few of the stoners had with this whole "ordering tickets online" process.

Rodger left this phrase as a comment:

there's no other way to pay only credit card

Yes. That's how sales tend to go online. No money orders or I.O.U.s.

Saywhen added:

I second that remark Rodger Dodger! You want me to post my picture too?

Ummm...what? And finally, Matt commented:

Ordered my tix on the 6th of April.. never got em or any information on the location besides the order confirmation.

We bet that Matt probably did get the info and just "spaced it."

Hopefully our challenged partygoers can just follow their noses to the location tonight.

New Yorker Reporter Spends Time the California Way-- High on Medicinal Marijuana

30 Pound Brick of Marijuana Delivered to Wrong Address

The Only Thing Stranger Than Love on Omegle: Blogger Marries a Commenter

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 20:34:00 GMT

We do not blog to get laid (even though we suspect Scanner Brian does). Not that the idea hasn't crossed our collective minds. When we were first offered this job we thought it would be a boon to our sex lives. You know: meet guy in a bar. Tell guy what we do. Guy falls all over us because he's so impresed. This obviously has not happened. Sure we're out a little less and shower a lot less because we blog professionally, which probably has a lot to do with it. But we have to admit we're surprised—and a little disappointed if we're being honest here—that of the tens of thousands of people who read Scanner every week not one is a bearded man who lives in the mountains of Kansas City and wants to ride bikes and eat hamburgers with us. But even if that man were to actually exist and he were to reveal himself in the comments section we can't imagine we'd be rushing off to meet him at a Royals game or anything. Maybe that's just us (because we can totally see Scanner Brian doing something like that).

Recently Ann Althouse, a professor in Wisconsin who blogs about politics, law and culture announced on her site that she would be marrying commenter "Meade." Her readers were about as shocked as you would be if we told you that we plan to marry "Apollo"—which we do not.

And we have to give the New York Times kudos for the first line of Sunday's story about the whole thing:

CONSIDER the erotic potential between blogger and commenters...

About four years ago, Mr. Meade happened upon Ms. Althouse’s blog, by clicking through a series of Web links originating on the popular blog written by Andrew Sullivan (who also snickered at her betrothal last week).

Intellectually smitten, Mr. Meade read Ms. Althouse’s blog daily, becoming a regular commenter. “He would write jokingly as if he was in love with me,” Ms. Althouse said. “You couldn’t tell if he was fooling around or not, but it warms your heart.”

Mr. Meade even followed a blog kept by Ms. Althouse’s ex-husband, Richard Cohen, a writer in Austin, Tex. Once, about three years ago, when Ms. Althouse and her ex had a blog-spat, Mr. Meade, whose marriage was then unraveling, commented on Mr. Cohen’s behalf.

Over the years, Mr. Meade developed a blog-crush on Ms. Althouse. His wry, eloquent commenter persona became even more flirtatious.

In December, in a private e-mail message, he asked whether they might meet. Nothing came of it.

Turns out that the way to a blog-woman’s heart is through the comments.
In a January post, Ms. Althouse listed lessons from Clint Eastwood’s film “Gran Torino.”

No. 5: “A young man should perceive when a girl likes him and he needs to ask her out to dinner and a movie before somebody else does.”

In front of the eyes and fingertips of thousands, Mr. Meade made his move.

Mr. Meade: “OK. Want to have dinner with me and see it again?”

Ms. Althouse: “Yes, but you’ll have to come to Madison.”

On the phone last week, Mr. Meade recalled that exchange. “It was a throwaway,” he said. “I didn’t expect Ann to answer. Even so, I thought, that’s the end of that. But then Knox noticed.”

That is, Knox, another commenter, who wrote: “Meade, this is HUGE! Meade ...? He must be packing.”

Apparently Meade was packing, because the two are now engaged and plan to marry in August.

[New York Times: Commoner Captures Princess, Blog Version]

Related:

Today in WTF: An Omegle Love Connection?

Hey, At Least the Sex Industry Is Still Hiring

Blogger-Reader Agreement

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Hey Everybody, I Just Moved to the #1 Worst City for Dating!

Sloppy Seconds: Gisele's "Wake-Up Call"

Emily Farris — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 22:13:00 GMT

R.I.P. New York Times City Section. [Jossip]

A couple in the UK spent 20 years making a model of the town where they first met. Now that's true love, suckers. [Telegraph]

When NASA started an online contest to name the International Space Station's new living quarters, they had no idea Stephen Colbert would start a little campaign to have it named after him. And that he would succeed. [Yahoo!]

Pete Wentz (and his PENIS!) hopes that his wife Ashlee Simpson will "play the bitch" when she stars on the new Melrose Place. [Us]

Gisele Bündchen says that the arrival of hubby Tom Brady's child with Bridget Moynahan was "a wake-up call." In a good way. [People]

[Image]

Leave Bristol Palin Alone?

Emily Farris — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 18:39:00 GMT

We all had fun making fun of Bristol Palin and her baby daddy Levi Johnston during the election. Maybe even too much fun. But now that the couple's engagement has ended, teen weeks after their child was born, the New York Times asks, should we just leave Bristol Palin alone?

[It] speaks to the larger question of where the private becomes the public and whether, once the line is crossed, it is possible to go back....

Once the McCain-Palin ticket lost and the spotlight faded, so too, apparently, did the romance. The baby came along at the end of December and a wedding never materialized. Ms. Palin recently made a cheery statement that Mr. Johnston was a “hands-on” dad. But on Wednesday he confirmed to the Associated Press a Star magazine report that he and Ms. Palin mutually decided “a while ago” to call things off. They then moved on to public recriminations, with Ms. Palin issuing a statement suggesting that her former betrothed and his sister had been trying to “cash in” on the Palin name.

From [Kitty] Dukakis [who battled alcoholism] to Betty Ford, the families of politicians have watched their lives become tabloid fodder; some politicians, from Bill Clinton to former Senators John Edwards of North Carolina and Larry E. Craig of Idaho, have created the fodder themselves. In the past, when a campaign or term in office has ended, the families, at least, have been able to go back to their private lives. But that seems harder now in the 24/7 media culture and will probably be difficult for Ms. Palin, whose mother is still governor of Alaska and has hinted at a future run for national office.

It's not Bristol Palin's fault that she's getting all of this seemingly unwanted attention. But it's not necessarily the media's fault either. As Tina Fey as Sarah Palin said: “I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.”

[New York Times: Canceled Palin Wedding Becomes a Public Matter]

Related:

Sarah Palin Elevated to GILF Status, or Bristol Palin Pops One Out

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Is Bristol Palin now Bristol Palin-Johnston?

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Hates The New York Times

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

This weekend's election in Spain went well for European conservatives, who routed the socialists in this strangely-headlined story.

A rape crisis center raised a few eyebrows by featuring a nearly-naked dancer as its headliner for a fundraiser.

The Jonas Brothers didn't have the world's greatest weekend...

U2 played one of their famous rooftop gigs.

The pointless CPAC straw poll went in favor of Mitt Romney, with Jindal in second and Palin in fourth. (Remember, John McCain finished fourth last time...)

Glen Hansard wants you to hear this classic Van Morrison record.

Lily Allen hates the New York Times because the "cheap skanks" did something she didn't appreciate.

Siegfried and Roy performed a farewell show... with their tiger. Yeah, that tiger.

A woman about to marry a Royal is featured topless in an upcoming movie.

While You Were Sleeping: Clit-Pumpin' Glory

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Hacked

Scanner Highs and Lows: The Week We Did a Little Star F*cking

Sloppy Seconds: Women Know When Men Are Turned On

Brian Fairbanks — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 00:01:00 GMT

Life in prison for consensual sex with a 16-year-old boy? That's a big WTF.

North Dakota fired another salvo in the war against the morning after pill and other "abortions": they passed a law stating that life begins at conception.

Speaking of conception, it's the reason a big celebrity couple recently broke up...

Hayden Panettiere's relationship with Milo Ventimiglia apparently wasn't strong enough to survive the always-fun pregnancy scare. According to the Chicago Sun-Times, "The test proved negative but apparently caused friction that sparked the breakup." [The Superficial]

Here's a new way to keep paranoid tabs on your significant other: the Driving Activity Reporter, which tracks, maps, and saves your car's movement history.

Have you heard about the crazy cafeteria occupation at NYU? Two girls decided to take to the streets without their clothes on and Fleshbot has the pictures.

Rihanna has wisely decided to refrain from public comment about Chris Brown. Smart gal.

Two stories left over from earlier this week: the New York Times says women know when men are turned on because the smell of the man's sweat will change.

And, in men, "the part of the brain associated with empathy for other peoples' emotions and wishes shut down after looking at [sexy bikini] pictures."

Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

While You Were Sleeping: The Rihanna Nightmare Continues

Sloppy Seconds: RNC Chair Tells Critics to "Stuff It"

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 23:44:00 GMT

We stopped liking theater pretty much after we had that terrible drama mask tattoo covered with something else, but we're intrigued by "In the Next Room (Or the Vibrator Play." [NYT]

Robert De Niro and Van Morrison will be among Jimmy Fallon's first guests when he takes over "Late Night." [Yahoo!]

Lisa Rinna made a point of not hitting the gym before her Playboy shoot. [People]

Just as Richard Simmons offers Jessica Simpson weight loss advice. [Us]

There are very few things that make us miss living in New York, but this Snuggie pub crawl is one of them. [Snuggie Pub Crawl]

Michael Steele, chair of the RNC says he's taking the Republican Party beyond the cutting edge, so far beyond in fact, that it will be "off the hook." If you don't like it? "Stuff it." [CNN]

Billionaires For Bush Say Goodbye... For Now...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT

Unless Jeb Bush runs for Senate in Florida, wins, and mounts a stunning Bush Family-styled comeback for the White House in 2012, it's fairly likely that the Billionaires For Bush will be no more. We counter-protested a 10,000-person strong peace movement rally and march on the RNC last year under the name "Lobbyists For McCain," with slogans like "Loyal to Big Oil," "Proud Bush-McCain Republican," and, of course, "Four More Years."

Well, it ~~worked~~ failed. The unwashed masses voted for Obama, even though our revered corporations and special interests didn't endorse him. And so we begin a new era-- one without Hummers, without tax cuts directed toward the top 1%-- even without gigantic corporate fountains urinating pure Stolichnaya vodka.

With this in mind, the New York Times interviewed the Lobbyists For McCain, i.e. Billionaires For Bush, in Tuesday's paper...

They were getting along just fine, these Billionaires were, when a terrible thing happened.
George W. Bush left office.
It’s hard to be a Billionaire for Bush when there is no Bush. The group might have recast itself as Billionaires for Obama. But that would have required “irony we can believe in,” said Andrew Boyd, who sometimes goes by his Billionaire name, Phil T. Rich.

“Here’s the conundrum,” Mr. Boyd said. “Can you point out that the emperor has no clothes when you like the emperor — and his clothes?”

Not really, although the Daily Show has had plenty of ammunition lately without specifically attacking President Changey Pants.

“I think we were serious about having our brand lose its brand identity,” said Elissa Jiji or, if you prefer, Meg A. Bucks. Mr. Bartlett observed that “it’s not the time for ostentatious wealth.” Even though there are still plenty of potential targets — Bernard L. Madoff and bonus-hungry Wall Street executives, for example — there seems little point going after them when others are, too.

“They’re no longer held in such esteem that they need to be knocked down,” Mr. Boyd said.

For now, the Billionaires have chosen to put away their gowns, toss aside their top hats and leave their badminton rackets in the closet. Soon after the Obama inauguration, a few dozen of them met at a Greenwich Village bar for what Ms. Jiji described as “a last huzzah.” She had “thought we’d be sad,” she said, “but it was very festive.” Mr. Boyd called it a “farewell to arms contracts.”

But bear in mind that “Billionaires never die,” he said. “We just refinance.”

Have no fear about the end of satire in America, though: Plutocrats For Palin does have a certain ring to it for 2012...

Tax Day with an actual pimp, April 2005.

Jolly Robber Barons: the Billionaire Yacht Club during the Coney Island Mermaid Parade, circa June 2005...

Via the New York Times.

Video of Darin Barry, Andrew Boyd (background), and the author from Minnesota Independent Media.

Related:

FBI Agents Out To Get Democrats

Video of the Day: No You Can't

George W. Bush May Get in Bed With Sleaze, but at Least It's Got a Pretty Face

Why The New York Times Thinks It's Impossible To Live On $500,000

Ina Maier — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 21:36:00 GMT

There is certainly no shortage of reasons to bash the New York Times, but we've personally always felt a little protective of what is arguably one of the last vestiges of real print media. And then we read this Sunday Styles piece on the financial difficulties of surviving on $500,000 a year. Cue the sound of one teeny, tiny violin...

The author, Allen Salkin, is taking on Obama's threat to cap Wall Street executive pay at $500,000 -- for those firms that accepted bailout funds.

PRIVATE school: $32,000 a year per student.

Mortgage: $96,000 a year.

Co-op maintenance fee: $96,000 a year.

Nanny: $45,000 a year.

We are already at $269,000, and we haven’t even gotten to taxes yet.

Salkin makes some fair points -- these executives have committed to a standard of living that they can't realistically change over night, without some serious and dramatic ramifications. Expecting them to move or pull their children out of school, for example, is a little drastic. But Salkin's tally of some more exendable expenditures is more than a little gauche, like, let's say, designer dresses and personal trainers:

A personal trainer at $80 an hour three times a week comes to about $12,000 a year.
The work in the gym pays off when one must don a formal gown for a charity gala. “Going to those parties,” said David Patrick Columbia, who is the editor of the New York Social Diary (newyorksocialdiary.com), “a woman can spend $10,000 or $15,000 on a dress. If she goes to three or four of those a year, she’s not going to wear the same dress.”

It's not unreasonable to expect, in this day and age, that an $80 personal Pilates class can be cut, or a custom Proenza Schouler dress re-worn. But the biggest hole in Salkin's math is where he allows that even their multi-million dollar salaries can barely cut it, especially when the allowed assertion is coming from "the author of an Upper East Side novel of manners, The Manny," who happens to also be the privileged spawn of Peter G. Peterson, a founder of the equity firm the Blackstone Group. Salkin quotes:

"As hard as it is to believe, bankers who are living on the Upper East Side making $2 or $3 million a year have set up a life for themselves in which they are also at zero at the end of the year with credit cards and mortgage bills that are inescapable."

And there's the problem. Not only are these the people who, by all accounts, failed miserably at handling the financials of millions, they also failed miserably at their own. Are we wrong here, or should executives with multi-million dollar salaries have been able, at some point, to cobble together some form of savings? Perhaps enough, say, to cover themselves should they have to take a pay cut? Why on earth should we be feeling so sorry for these Wall Street warriors who have spent the last lucrative years spending money so far beyond their means?

Well, Candace Bushnell, whose sage advice we all should be heeding (WHAT?), claims that it's not about the money. It's about the lifestyle:

Does this money buy a chief executive stockholders might prize, a well-to-do man with a certain sureness of stride, something that might be lost if the executive were crowding onto the PATH train every morning at Journal Square, his newspaper splayed against the back of a stranger’s head?
The man would certainly not feel like himself on that train, said Candace Bushnell, the author of “Sex and the City” and other books chronicling New York social mores.
“People inherently understand that if they are going to get ahead in whatever corporate culture they are involved in, they need to take on the appurtenances of what defines that culture,” she said. “So if you are in a culture where spending a lot of money is a sign of success, it’s like the same thing that goes back to high school peer pressure. It’s about fitting in.”

You know, she's not wrong. It IS about fitting in -- just this time both the bankers and the New York Times should be attempting to do it with the rest of the world.

Wall Street Madam Goes Down. Alone.

We're Enrolling in Viral Video Film School to Get Our Finances in Order

The Wall Street Journal Will Own The Onion Pretty Soon...

"A Distinctly New York Kind Of Love" in Pictures

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 15:56:00 GMT

What do you get when you put two couples and two cameras in one tiny New York City bedroom? "Pillow Talk," the latest project from husband and wife photography team Tribble and Mancendio.

James Frank Tribble and Tracey Manciendo told the New York Times that each wielding a camera, they "'dance' around their subjects, putting them at ease with constant banter and movement. As Ms. Mancenido explains, 'In every shoot, without fail, the sitter is drawn to one of us, and we use that as best we can to capture what we see.'"

[New York Times: In the Bedrooms]

Related:

Weddings From Hell: A Photo Essay

Our Crazy RNC Photo Essay

Photo Essay: New Orleans Battles On

The New York Times Knows What Women Want, And It's Not Bonobo Porn (Or Is It?)

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Over the weekend, The New York Times said "Butt Hole" (heh heh) and also ran a really, really long article exploring what women really want. Now, we'll admit, we didn't read the entire thing, because, as we were discussing with Scanner Colleen earlier (over email, natch) the Internet is making us all illiterate. But just because we can't read nine pages of Internet doesn't mean you can't. If you can't either we pulled a few highlights for you, and they confirm that women are not turned on by bonobo porn (or are they?).

Meredith Chiver has been studying women's sexuality since 1996:

In 1996, when she worked as an assistant to a sexologist at the Center for Addiction and Mental Health, then called the Clarke Institute of Psychiatry, she found herself the only woman on a floor of researchers investigating male sexual preferences and what are known as paraphilias — erotic desires that fall far outside the norm. She told me that when she asked Kurt Freund, a scientist on that floor who had developed a type of penile plethysmograph and who had been studying male homosexuality and pedophilia since the 1950s, why he never turned his attention to women, he replied: “How am I to know what it is to be a woman? Who am I to study women, when I am a man?

EF: Perhaps this explains why companies do such a bad job of marketing to women? Anyway, for her most recent study she showed men and women with different sexual preferences different kinds of porn (gay, straight, bonobo!):

The men, on average, responded genitally in what Chivers terms “category specific” ways. Males who identified themselves as straight swelled while gazing at heterosexual or lesbian sex and while watching the masturbating and exercising women. They were mostly unmoved when the screen displayed only men. Gay males were aroused in the opposite categorical pattern. Any expectation that the animal sex would speak to something primitive within the men seemed to be mistaken; neither straights nor gays were stirred by the bonobos. And for the male participants, the subjective ratings on the keypad matched the readings of the plethysmograph. The men’s minds and genitals were in agreement.

All was different with the women. No matter what their self-proclaimed sexual orientation, they showed, on the whole, strong and swift genital arousal when the screen offered men with men, women with women and women with men. They responded objectively much more to the exercising woman than to the strolling man, and their blood flow rose quickly — and markedly, though to a lesser degree than during all the human scenes except the footage of the ambling, strapping man — as they watched the apes. And with the women, especially the straight women, mind and genitals seemed scarcely to belong to the same person. The readings from the plethysmograph and the keypad weren’t in much accord. During shots of lesbian coupling, heterosexual women reported less excitement than their vaginas indicated; watching gay men, they reported a great deal less; and viewing heterosexual intercourse, they reported much more. Among the lesbian volunteers, the two readings converged when women appeared on the screen. But when the films featured only men, the lesbians reported less engagement than the plethysmograph recorded. Whether straight or gay, the women claimed almost no arousal whatsoever while staring at the bonobos.

EF: Maybe the reason men can't figure out what women want is because women still haven't quite figured out what women want, or at least we're not very good at expressing it... because when we do we're automatically called sluts, or something?

There is so, so much more to this story. Perhaps we'll read the rest of it tonight.

UPDATE: Thanks commenter godwal for alerting us to the fact that Salon's Tracy Clark-Flory actually took the time to read the entire thing and does a much better job than us of summing it up.

[New York Times: What Do Women Want?]

Related:

The New York Times Said "Butt Hole"

Somebody Finally Gave Those Gay Penguins What They Deserve...

Today in Studies that Freak Us Out: Breakfast and Sex

The New York Times Said "Butt Hole"

Colleen Kane — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 19:50:00 GMT

The New York Times ran a story dedicated to suggestive-sounding place names in the U.K. and the people challenged with living in places like Crapstone and Penistone.

And because the Internet is making us less literate, you won't have to read the whole story (unless you'd like to know how residents deal with telling people where they live); this blogger struggled through the article to bring you some of the best names.

Crotch Crescent

Titty Ho

Wetwang

Slutshole Lane

As for Butt Hole Road, depicted above, “If they ordered a pizza, the pizza company wouldn’t deliver it, because they thought it was a made-up name,” said Ed Hurst, co-author of Rude Britain and Rude UK, about a couple who lived there. “People would stand in front of the sign, pull down their trousers and take pictures of each other’s naked buttocks.” The couple has since moved away.

Related:

What Do We Think Of The New York Times And Their Love Of Shorts?

New York Times: Iraq War Ends

Image: New York Times

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz's Penis' New Starring Role

Emily Farris — Sat, 17 Jan 2009 00:01:00 GMT

If you'd like to put all of your personal records and medical history online you should totally use Google Health. [Google Health]

Just in case you didn't catch it the first few times, we're Twittering now. Reluctantly. [Twitter]

More details on yesterday's US Airways plane crash. [City Room]

Kimora Lee ~~Simmons~~ is making more ~~brats~~ babies. [Faded Youth]

Is Tracy Morgan ever out of character? We think not. [PageSix]

Pete Wentz and his penis, er, we mean his wife, will guest star on CSI:NY. [Us]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Which "Dancing With the Stars" Star Will Pose for Playboy?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 23:06:00 GMT

How many things are wrong with this picture? Britney Spears' dad Jamie has been making about $10,000 to "look after her," but he just got a raise of $51,000 a year, making about $75 an hour to babysit his daughter. [People]

Barack Obama has chosen to use Abraham Lincoln's Bible for his swearing in. [Radar]

If you were an editor at the New York Times and the mayor of Paris sent you a letter criticizing the prospect of Caroline Kennedy taking over Hillary Clinton's Senate seat, wouldn't you just check to make sure it was really from the mayor of Paris? Maybe? Oops. [Jossip]

Sometimes we forget just how skinny celebrities are. You know, celebs like.... Billy Bob Thornton? [NYDN]

Today, we went looking for a music video we could have sworn we saw just a few short days ago on YouTube. Could it be gone because Warner music has pulled all of its artists' videos from the site? [Yahoo!]

45-year-old mother of two and Dancing With the Stars alum Lisa Rinna will pose yet again for Playboy, according to Extra. [FadedYouth]

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What Pete Wentz Likes Even More Than Taking Pictures of His Penis

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:21:00 GMT

Must politicians from states like Texas and Colorado always be photographed wearing cowboy hats? [NYT]

Celine Cawley who played a party girl in the James Bond film A View to Kill with Roger Moore is dead at 46 after being beaten to death on the patio of her Dublin home Tuesday. [Radar]

New Yorkers, if Governor Paterson wants puts tax on all of the entertainment you download, does this mean you'll soon be paying more for porn? (ProfRobert?) [Vulture]

We should probably be excited instead of creeped out by this facial transplant, right? [People]

In an interview with Howard Stern, Pete Wentz wanted everyone to know that he and his wife, Ashlee Simpson Wentz, "have an amazing sex life." And then he took it there: "It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'" he said. [Us]

RIP Newspapers

Scanner Matt — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 17:50:00 GMT

We apologize for yet another Daily Show segment, but this short video seems to wrap up the fate of gray paper with words printed on it. Take a moment of silence in your blog hopping out of respect for the death of palpable journalism then laugh at this funny video.

We're not sure if the death of the newspaper is truly upon us (yet) or if the age-old news source will just restructure itself according to modern times, but as always the wacky fake anchorman, Stewart, raises interesting questions with his basic cable charm and blue state wit.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Clusterf#@k to the Poor House - Final Edition Edition

Barack Obama Interview
John McCain Interview

Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

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Is this guy the Barack Obama of the GOP? Um, no.

**Bush: "People Voted For Barack Obama Because of Me" No sh*t!**

While You Were Sleeping: Viva Bettie Page

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 14:05:00 GMT

A widely-publicized murder trial took a grimly hilarious tour when it was revealed the man in question had left a list in his FEMA trailer that detailed his plans for getting away with it. Best one: "Throw gun in river."

Eminem has released his first new song in ages.

Dr. Strangelove, like 1984, is becoming a reality: a single prank call almost started a war between India and Pakistan. Not funny, guys.

You wanna steal my husband? Well, says Shania Twain, I'm a-gonna steal yours...

A male babysitter was arrested for producing a sex tape involving a two-year-old girl.

We love myths, hoaxes and just plain idiocy: Strollerderby wants you to know that your vagina will not seal up if you don't use it for sex very often.

And Bettie Page, the now-85-year-old former pinup, had a heart attack over the weekend and is in critical condition, according to the New York Times.

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 10-6

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Sloppy Seconds: Because We'd Like to Keep Our Jobs

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:17:00 GMT

Attention sex fiends, er Scanner Readers, Californication has been picked up for a third season. [Vulture]

Which is worse? That 40% of women can't have orgasms, or that only 12% of women think that's a problem? Maybe we're just not satisfied? [Jezebel]

Madonna and A-Rod are still claiming to be "just friends." Mmmhmmm. [People]

Which well-built actor has been bought a bra for Christmas by a disgruntled ex as a dig about his moobs? [Mirror]

O.J. Simpson is finally headed to jail. And he's sorry. [Faded Youth]

Holy shit. 533,000 people in the U.S. lost their jobs in November. [NYT ]

Image via NYT.com

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 22:04:00 GMT

It was. Then it wasn't. Now the Arrested Development movie might actually be happening. Maybe. Hopefully. [Vulture]

One thing we do know for sure is that Hillary Clinton will be Secretary of State. If the New York Times says it's true, it must be. Right? [NYT]

Good news or bad news? Doctors go into your head to remove a brain tumor and find a worm. [SNAFU-ed]

Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz (and his penis!) named their baby Bronx Mowgli. What? The? Fuck? Is that supposed to be punk rock or something? Also, this begs the question: what do they call his penis? [Yahoo!]

While You Were Sleeping: Ashley Alexandra Dupre Finally Talked

Emily Farris — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 16:03:00 GMT

We haven't been watching this season of Dancing With the Stars but we have been watching clips of Cloris Leachman and her cleavage online and we're sad to say she's not one of the top three contestants on the show. [Yahoo!]

Stem-cell surgery: coming to a human organ near you. [NYT]

Malia and Sasha Obama got their first tour of the White House yesterday. They were invited by Laura Bush to check out their new rooms. [Us]

In her first interview since she was found to be pleasuring former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer for money, Ashley Alexandra Dupre spoke with People. What would she like you to know? That she's a normal girl. [People]

Scanner Nicole, who already knew this, will be watching Diane Sawyer interview Dupre Friday night on 20/20. Expect a full report. [Daily News]

While You Were Sleeping: Sarah Palin Likes Short Shorts

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Academy Awards season started up with the shortlisting of 15 feature documentaries, which includes "Man on a Wire" and films by Werner Herzog and Errol Morris. We're rooting for Encounters At the End of the World.

The lead singer of the Vines is battling the effects of his autism and the band has canceled all their upcoming shows.

There will be a female Secretary of State after all: According to the Guardian, Hillary Clinton was offered and has accepted the Secretary of State cabinet post, which opens up a whole new can of worms, not to mention a Senate seat in our current state of residence.

Hillary Clinton plans to accept the job of secretary of state offered by Barack Obama, who is reaching out to former rivals to build a broad coalition administration, the Guardian has learned.
Obama's advisers have begun looking into Bill Clinton's foundation, which distributes millions of dollars to Africa to help with development, to ensure that there is no conflict of interest. But Democrats do not believe that the vetting is likely to be a problem.
Clinton would be well placed to become the country's dominant voice in foreign affairs, replacing Condoleezza Rice. Since being elected senator for New York, she has specialised in foreign affairs and defence. Although she supported the war in Iraq, she and Obama basically agree on a withdrawal of American troops.

The New York Times Arts and Leisure Weekend may be awesome enough for you to make a trip here: Keith Olbermann, Lewis Black, Patti Smith, Salman Rushdie, the cast of The Closer, and a rumored appearance by Tom Cruise caught our attention..

Here's why we're the biggest nerds: the first thing we notice about these photos, taken of Sarah Palin (allegedly) boozing it up at a Miami hotel, isn't those short shorts, but the copy of USA Today in her hand. Sarah! USA Today is not hard to remember-- how come you couldn't name that as a newspaper you actually read?

More photos here.

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New York Times: Iraq War Ends

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 14:07:00 GMT

Did you enjoy our little prank?

Well, we didn't come up with it, but we knew about it and were part of it on our own undisclosed way... and if you don't know what we're talking about, you will now.

And hey, if Lili Taylor thought it was awesome, it was worth getting up at the crack of dawn to pass these out in Union Square:

New York Times Special Edition Video News Release - Nov. 12, 2008

For those of you who don't live in New York City, here's a rundown from our friends Beka and Andy:

Hundreds of independent writers, artists, and activists are claiming
credit for an elaborate project, 6 months in the making, in which 1.2
million copies of a "special edition" of the New York Times were
distributed in cities across the U.S. by thousands of volunteers.

The papers, dated July 4th of next year, were headlined with
long-awaited news: "IRAQ WAR ENDS". The edition, which bears the same
look and feel as the real deal, includes stories describing what the
future could hold: national health care, the abolition of corporate
lobbying, a maximum wage for CEOs, etc. There was also a spoof site, at
http://www.nytimes-se.com/.

"Is this true? I wish it were true!" said one reader. "It can be true,
if we demand it."

"We wanted to experience what it would look like, and feel like, to
read headlines we really want to read. It's about what's possible, if
we think big and act collectively," said Steve Lambert, one of the
project's organizers and an editor of the paper.

"This election was a massive referendum on change. There's a lot of
hope in the air, but there's a lot of uncertainty too. It's up to all
of us now to make these headlines come true," said Beka Economopoulos,
one of the project's organizers.

"It doesn't stop here. We gave Obama a mandate, but he'll need mandate
after mandate after mandate to do what we elected him to do. He'll need
a lot of support, and yes, a lot of pressure," said Andy Bichlbaum,
another project organizer and editor of the paper.

The people behind the project are involved in a diverse range of
groups, including The Yes Men, the Anti-Advertising Agency, CODEPINK,
United for Peace and Justice, Not An Alternative, May First/People
Link, Improv Everywhere, Evil Twin, and Cultures of Resistance.

In response to the spoof, the New York Times said only, "We are looking
into it." Alex S. Jones, former Times reporter who is an authority on
the history of the paper, says: "I would say if you've got one, hold on
to it. It will probably be a collector's item."

UPDATE: Our lawyer just let us know that some of the 1.2 million copies are "already on sale on E-bay at prices from $30-40 to $200."

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While You Were Sleeping: The Lapdancers And The Prime Minister

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A New England Patriots cheerleader was booted from the squad after Facebook pictures showed her drawing penises and swastikas on a passed-out girl's body.

The New York Times wants you to know that stretching before exercise is actually a bad idea.

And so it begins... check out what this Floridian DJ did to "celebrate" Obama's victory...

Mark Larsen, who is white, dressed in blackface makeup at the start of his show.
“This gives me that Uncle Tom feel,” said Larsen, who also joked about changing his name to Marcus Washington Larsen. “Are you sure this comes off? Because I don’t feel like running for president.”

Before Tuesday’s election, Larsen talked about seeing a long line of black people waiting to vote at a Tampa Bay area polling place, saying they “looked like the line for takeout at Big Tim’s Barbecue” in St. Petersburg. And shortly after putting on the blackface makeup Wednesday, he told a caller he presumed to be black that “You love (America) because you have a man of color going to the White House. Before that, you probably were a malcontent." [Tampabay.com]

Lost in all the election hoopla yesterday: Massachusetts decriminalized marijuana of less than one ounce.

Why do we get the feeling this is going to be terrible? Antonio Banderas may be playing Salvador Dali.

Even these exotic dancers were unable to get the British Prime Minister's attention.

And Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling are over... are you reading this, Scanner Emily?

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Today It's Porn Vs. Halloween For Kevin Smith

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 15:06:00 GMT

Kevin Smith is opening his new movie Zack and Miri Make a Porno today. On Halloween.

If you think about it, this is risking total commercial suicide: the built-in audience for Smith's movies would rather watch a horror movie tonight than anything else, making it harder for the movie to have a strong opening weekend. Nonetheless, if they only knew how much better his movie sounds than the tiresome Saw sequel Hollywood pumped out...

College Times has an interesting interview with the writer-director, one in which he doesn't come off as a total dick. So, that's something.

Here it is, complete with his thoughts on Traci Lords, shooting a nude sex scene for the first time in his career, and everything in between...

College Times: What inspired you to do a story about best friends falling for each other because that’s something you’ve never done before?
Kevin Smith: I know, generally most of the stuff I do is like, two dudes who pine for each other but never fuck. All that time in the trenches doing stories about dudes in love definitely informed this script. But I’m afraid that, maybe on the page, it read like more of the same... [see full answer in the interview, linked below]

What was it like working with Traci Lords?
Working with Traci Lords was great. One thing that maybe most people don’t realize about her is she hasn’t made a porn film in 20 years. She worked in porn from the time she was 16 until almost 18. When she got out of porn she started studying acting in a really serious way. I felt so bad, because “Okay, I know you’re a real actress, but in this scene, you’re gonna pretend to blow bubbles out of your vagina.” I felt like I gave her very little to do so I’m kind of hoping to use her in the next film.

In your movies, your characters are known for talking about sex – in this one they actually get to have it. Were you nervous, as a director, about shooting your first sex scene?
I was. You know, it’s off-putting to shoot nudity. I did it once in “Mallrats” very briefly with Joey Adams and I hated it and swore it off. It’s just uncomfortable to ask someone to do something you wouldn’t be willing to do yourself. The scene I was sweating the most was between Seth and Elizabeth because that’s the scene where two people lay down to fuck and wind up making love. I was trying to figure out a way to shoot it where it’s not an episode of “Red Shoe Diaries.” So I told them that morning that I’m going to play it all on your faces so you’re going to be fully clad with no nudity. I thought they’d be like, “Oh thank you thank you thank you,” but immediately they were both outraged. She was just like “Why the fuck did I work out for two months if you’re not going to show my body.” And Rogen was like, “Why the fuck did I shave my back?” Then the relief sank in.

Read the rest of this interview here, via College Times. The above photo and a review of the film is here.

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Sloppy Seconds: Which Power Ranger Is Guilty of Murder?

Emily Farris — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 21:54:00 GMT

Feeling like you want to do something about Proposition 8 but aren't a card carrying Calinfornia voter or don't have a million dollars to give? Check out 8 Against 8, a group of eight lesbian bloggers who have launched an eight-day collaborative fundraising drive to help defeat the proposition that, if approved, would overturn the ruling that allows gay marraige in California. [8 Against 8]

What would happen if John McCain hired Wes Anderson to make his ads? [FilmDrunk]

Any idea who Anne Hathaway's sexy new mystery man is? [People]

Oh that Jewel. Now that she's a country star she's such a prankster. She had her tour mate Brad Paisley (who's never done anything wrong in his life, apparently) arrested at an airport. [Us]

Reporter Judith Miller (of going to jail/Valerie Plame fame) has joined the Fox News channel as a contributor. [Yahoo!]

And one of the Power Rangers is guilty of one of the most horrific homicides we've heard about in years. Three homicides, in fact. [People]

Scanner Giveaway: "Matrimony"

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:33:00 GMT

It's that time of the year again: the time when we start giving you stuff. Actually, we'd probably do it all year long if we had lots of good stuff to share, but we can only give away so many bottles of Astroglide before we all start to get bored. Now, if you'll allow us, we'd like to exercise your mind. We're giving away two copies of Joshua Henkin's "Matrimony," a novel about—what else?—relationships and marriage, which was a 2007 New York Times Notable Book and has recently come out in paperback.

Two of you will win signed copies. We will go buy one... especially after our mom tried to convince us last night that we shouldn't strive for a monogamous relationship—ever—because it just doesn't work.

Click through to find out how ridiculously easy it will be to win your signed copy of "Matrimony" and watch the book's VidLit trailer.

Send an email to scanner@nerve.com with the subject line "Matrimony Giveaway." We'll randomly pick two winners by this time next week, and then books will be in the mail, words will be in your head and our closet will remain full of Astroglide.

[Joshua Henkin]

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Alaska Women Make History Rallying Against Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Apparently, you know an event in Alaska is a success when 25 people turn out for it. So imagine one Anchorage woman's surprise when she joined 1,400 other women to rally against the state's governor, Sarah Palin.

The rally was organized by a small group of women, talking over coffee. It made me wonder what other things have started with small groups of women talking over coffee. It’s probably an impressive list. These women hatched the plan, printed up flyers, posted them around town, and sent notices to local media outlets. One of those media outlets was KBYR radio, home of Eddie Burke, a long-time uber-conservative Anchorage talk show host. Turns out that Eddie Burke not only announced the rally, but called the people who planned to attend the rally “a bunch of socialist baby-killing maggots”, and read the home phone numbers of the organizers aloud over the air, urging listeners to call and tell them what they thought. The women, of course, received many nasty, harassing and threatening messages.

So, as I jettisoned myself from the jaws of the ‘Drill Baby Drill’ crowd and toward the mystery rally at the library, I felt a bit apprehensive. I’d been disappointed before by the turnout at other rallies. Basically, in Anchorage, if you can get 25 people to show up at an event, it’s a success. So, I thought to myself, if we can actually get 100 people there that aren’t sent by Eddie Burke, we’ll be doing good. A real statement will have been made. I confess, I still had a mental image of 15 demonstrators surrounded by hundreds of menacing “socialist baby-killing maggot” haters.

It’s a good thing I wasn’t tailgating when I saw the crowd in front of the library or I would have ended up in somebody’s trunk. When I got there, about 20 minutes early, the line of sign wavers stretched the full length of the library grounds, along the edge of the road, 6 or 7 people deep! I could hardly find a place to park. I nabbed one of the last spots in the library lot, and as I got out of the car and started walking, people seemed to join in from every direction, carrying signs.

Never, have I seen anything like it in my 17 and a half years living in Anchorage. The organizers had someone walk the rally with a counter, and they clicked off well over 1400 people (not including the 90 counter-demonstrators). This was the biggest political rally ever, in the history of the state. I was absolutely stunned. The second most amazing thing is how many people honked and gave the thumbs up as they drove by. And even those that didn’t honk looked wide-eyed and awe-struck at the huge crowd that was growing by the minute. This just doesn’t happen here.

Alas, it was the pro-Palin rally that made national news that day, but at least we have the New York Times to remind us that Once Elected, Palin Hired Friends and Lashed Foes. Buried deep in that article (as BoingBoing points out):

[L]awmakers in April accused her of improperly culling thousands of e-mail addresses from a state database for a mass mailing to rally support for a policy initiative.

While Ms. Palin took office promising a more open government, her administration has battled to keep information secret. Her inner circle discussed the benefit of using private e-mail addresses. An assistant told her it appeared that such e-mail messages sent to a private address on a “personal device” like a BlackBerry “would be confidential and not subject to subpoena.”

Ms. Palin and aides use their private e-mail addresses for state business. A campaign spokesman said the governor copied e-mail messages to her state account “when there was significant state business.”

On Feb. 7, Frank Bailey, a high-level aide, wrote to Ms. Palin’s state e-mail address to discuss appointments. Another aide fired back: “Frank, this is not the governor’s personal account.” Mr. Bailey responded: “Whoops~!”

Mr. Bailey, a former midlevel manager at Alaska Airlines who worked on Ms. Palin’s campaign, has been placed on paid leave; he has emerged as a central figure in the trooper investigation.

Another confidante of Ms. Palin’s is Ms. Frye, 27. She worked as a receptionist for State Senator Lyda Green before she joined Ms. Palin’s campaign for governor. Now Ms. Frye earns $68,664 as a special assistant to the governor. Her frequent interactions with Ms. Palin’s children have prompted some lawmakers to refer to her as “the babysitter,” a title that Ms. Frye disavows. Like Mr. Bailey, she is an effusive cheerleader for her boss.

“YOU ARE SO AWESOME!” Ms. Frye typed in an e-mail message to Ms. Palin in March.

Awesome doesn't even begin to describe it, dear.

[Mudflats: ‘Alaska Women Reject Palin’ Rally is HUGE!]

Hey... Wanna Make Out? With A Thousand People?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 14:35:00 GMT

Before the news about Lehman Brothers and Merrill Lynch knocked everything else off the front pages, the New York Times had a story about teenage makeout parties in Chile, which, they term, "was once of Latin America's most sexually conservative countries."

The best part about these Chilean makeout fests is that they are actually contests... making it pretty hard to imagine Chile having been "sexually conservative" in the recent past...

[T]he youth of Chile are bumping and grinding to a reggaetón beat. At the Bar Urbano disco, boys and girls ages 14 to 18 are stripping off their shirts, revealing bras, tattoos and nipple rings.

Everyone is making out, some without even saying a word to each other first...

About 800 teenagers sway and bounce to lyrics imploring them to “Poncea! Poncea!”: make out with as many people as they can.
And make out they do — with stranger after stranger, vying for the honor of being known as the “ponceo,” the one who pairs up the most.

Wow-- haven't these people ever heard of mono? We're guessing they're all pretty much past that phase already. We can't wait for the promoters to realize they can follow up with a sequel, maybe for a slightly older crowd, one that involves chanting "Blow! Blow!"

We think you can guess what we mean by that, although we'll give you a hint: it's something you see on every tropical beach during spring break.

Photos via the New York Times.

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