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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Every guy has a childhood story about finding the nudie mags under their friend's dad's bed. Ours involves raiding our best friend's father's Playboy collection, dating back to the mid-sixties, and going over centerfolds ranging from famous rock groupie Bebe Buell to Vicki Iovine, wife of the great record producer Jimmy Iovine.

But we always got bored with the nude women posing in the same exact way. We ended up digging to the bottom for the Victoria's Secret catalog with Elle MacPherson on the cover. To us, the tease was better than the full monty.

With that in mind, here are Five of our Favorite Sex Scenes Featuring Lingerie...

5. Gia. This first surfaced on the internet entitled "Banned Lingerie Commercial." Yeah, right-- even lingerie commericals aren't this hot. Should this automatically be #1 on any list of anything, including lists that have nothing to do with sex? Yes. Are we too lazy to move it to the bottom of this post? Indeed.

4. Two Days in the Valley. Skip to 0:22 to the part where James Spader finally shuts up when Charlize and her long, long, long legs enter the bedroom... and then they both don't shut up. Ever.

3. Mutual Needs. Is this a porno? Rochelle Swanson's in it, so it must be... but who's complaining? If you have five minutes to kill today, this is how you should spend it.

2. Layer Cake. Skip to 1:30 to build on the hotness. Thinking that this PG-13 movie would be lacking in uncomfortable sex scenes, we decided a Daniel Craig action movie might be a good choice for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Whoops. Sienna Miller here explains why she is able to hypnotize men into leaving their wives-- she just pops in a DVD of this scene:

1. El Beso del Sueno. Maribel Verdu from Y Tu Mama Tambien and... some old guy... in what was obviously her audition for the famous blockbuster Alfonse Cuaron film. Did that movie top this one in her terms of hotness? Of course... but don't miss the close up of Verdu's panties... Cuaron didn't think of that.

Bonus: Lori Loughlin from Full House in what may or may not be lingerie (or is a simple dress?) from Suckers.

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Michelle Williams Strips, Seduces, Enjoys, And Freaks Out On Ewan McGregor

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 20:59:00 GMT

Michelle Williams has already bounced back from the stress nightmare and overwhelming publicity surrounding the death of her ex-fiancee, Heath Ledger. First, she nailed a terrific performance in last year's gem Wendy and Lucy, sadly overlooked by Kate Winslet-crazy Oscar voters. Then, she landed the lead in the new film Incendiary, which was a hit at the 2008 Sundance Film Festival and comes to DVD on May 5th.

But Nerve Video obtained a copy of the graphic and memorable sex scene between Williams and co-star Ewan McGregor (man, that guy's naked in everything)...

This scene takes place at the beginning of the movie. Williams' character has a husband and young son, whom the filmmakers apparently doesn't even bother to give a name, are at a soccer match (note her character's accent), so she decides to invite sexy Ewan over for a game of her own. Both fortunately and unfortunately, the scene is edited so that spoilers are removed, so we won't tell you what's going on at the end here, except to say that Williams had left the TV on and the channel tuned to the match...

More about Incendiary at the film's IMDB page.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 21:22:00 GMT

We won't bore you with stories of our orgy and menage a trois experiences... because that's not why you're going to click on this post, right?

Without ado, the Five Best Sex Scenes That We Were Able To Find On The Internet And Could Embed Here... Part One. Suggestions, as always, for the next wave, in the comments section...

5. Rampage: The Hillside Strangler Murders. With a whopping 3.9-out-of-ten ranking on IMDB, you would be forgiven for not having heard of this via word-of-mouth. But now that Brittany Snow has been chosen to star in the Gossip Girl spinoff, expect this awful/true story to be repackaged in a useless Director's Cut DVD, complete with this sex scene stretched four milliseconds longer.

4. Factotum. If Marisa Tomei weren't in this scene, it wouldn't even have occurred to us to include it. After all, unless you consider dual finger-bangs "sex," this isn't much of a sex scene. But... again... Marisa Tomei, people...

3. Threesome. For a movie with sexual innuendo in the title, there isn't enough actual sex here. However, this clip does feature Lara Flynn Boyle getting talked "dirty" to over the phone while Stephen Baldwin goes down on her in person-- that counts, right? Oh, and there's an almost hot scene starting about 3:30 in with actual one-on-one sex. (The phone stuff starts at about 5:30.)

2. Wild Things. Jesus H! Is Matt Dillon in every great threesome in Hollywood history? You think he writes them in after signing his contract or will he not even agree to a role unless there's some menage goin' on? For us, the movie never gets finer than the opening scene, where a soap-sudsy Denise Richards stands dripping in Dillon's doorway, but everyone seems to think this is hotter 'n hell, so here goes...

1. American Psycho. "In terms of lyrics craftsmanship... this album hits new peaks of professionalism. Sabrina, why don't you dance a little?" In another director's hands, this would've been too unsettling to be darkly humorous. Is the film over-the-top, obvious, excessively violent and ultimately not the greatest movie? Absolutely. Is this sex scene near-genius? You put that in granite and stamp it on a business card.

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Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Here's Part One of a list that includes Keanu Reeves, vampires, Susan Sarandon, vampires, the devil, Keanu Reeves, the devil, and some more vampires.

Hey, horror's got a few good ideas and they're all recycled like Tipper Gore's vibrator batteries... or something equally irrelevant to this post.

5. Bram Stoker's Dracula. While this Keanu Reeves-Gary Oldman-Winona Ryder film directed by Francis Ford Coppola is well known, it's difficult to find sex scenes or even clips from it on YouTube or anywhere else. The film is nearly complete on YouTube, but with only this sequence intact and not the famous scene where Reeves is molested by a couple of hot, naked vampires. A tragic discovery, to be sure.

Another clip can be found here.

4. The Hunger. Ah yes, one of the most popular sex scenes of all-time, here for 432nd time. But would we have been forgiven for leaving out nude action involving Susan Sarandon and Catherine Denueve? Doubtful.

Hunger

3. Angel Heart. Remember the days before Mickey Rourke was a washed-up boxer? We don't remember them either, but how can we forget the most controversial sex scene of the 1980s, from this cult horror flick set in New Orleans that involved one of the Cosby girls. Say goodbye to network TV respectability with us...

Angel Heart

2. The Devil's Advocate. We may never understand why this gem (that's putting it lightly) of a sex scene is left off almost every list of the greats. Perhaps it disturbs some when they find out (SPOILERS!) that Keanu and Connie are siblings-- at least according to Satan, who would know. Bonus: two hot chicks, hallucinations, and the fires of hell-- don't miss this!

1. Embrace of the Vampire. Although you won't hear any arguments from us that #2 is the superior scene, we're putting this up in the top spot for pure raunch and "Unrated" hotness. In fact, if Alyssa Milano had never done Who's The Boss?, we think most guys would still know who she is, thanks to this ridiculous vampire sex film. Enjoy the scene embedded here and then feel free to poke around Metacafe for other clips from the movie.

Alysia Milano Sex Scene

More coming in a few weeks in Part Two... suggestions are always welcome...

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Starring Angelina Jolie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 20:29:00 GMT

While compiling last week's Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies, we started to realize 1) Angelina Jolie is in a boatload of action movies, 2) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of action movies and 3) Angelina Jolie is naked in a boatload of movies...

5. The Good Shepherd. Angelina Jolie is the only total stranger we can think of who could somehow keep us turned on after demanding to know if we love her. Angie, please, we'd like you to learn our middle name and take a test on the Baltimore Colts first, okay?

4. Foxfire. This here's more of a slumber party sequence than a sex scene, but you won't be complaining. By the way, this is what every guy, aged 8 to 108, imagines women are doing when there are no boners around.

3. Original Sin. We're pretty sure Antonio Banderas does all these softcore porn flicks to get away from that nut Melanie Griffith, although it's hard to imagine any straight guy turning down a script that includes this scene. [By the way, for some reason the volume on this scene is much higher than our other clips. Sorry about that.]

2. Taking Lives. There are some technical problems with the sound in this vi-- oh, who's paying any attention to the bland dialogue and storyline of this movie anyway? Here are two sex scenes for the price of one. And ladies, that's your favorite up-and-comer Gerard Butler in the buff in scene two, which is actually (apparently) from Lara Croft: Tomb Raider.

1. Gia. It's possible you could get away with a Top 5 Sex Scenes Just From The TV Movie Gia, All Featuring Angelina Jolie list, especially if you include this as two separate sex scenes-- in the first, Angie has sex with a fence; in the second, she continues to nail the fence, while also including Lost's Elizabeth Mitchell in the action. Good Lord, it must be Friday...

You can check out more Jolie-Mitchell action from Gia in this clip.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 21:05:00 GMT

Yes, we know, not only was 2007, like, ages ago but we already did a Best of 2008 list.

Well, that one was a smash success and you know how we enjoy sequels... let's touch on the best scenes of last year for other reasons as well: Unlike the 2008 list, every one of these films is available to rent in the United States and, well, the sex is way hotter. For God's sake-- Lust/Caution is borderline XXX... and we have to scenes from it here:

5 & 4. Lust/Caution. Ang Lee followed up 2006's Gay Sex Movie Brokeback Mountain with an NC-17 dud that features Tony Leung and Tang Wei tearing each other apart, almost literally. Here are two back-to-back sex scenes that kept us from turning the epic off about halfway through...

3. Hotel Chevalier (a short film/outtake from The Darjeeling Limited.) Natalie Portman has said she regrets doing this scene. That's not because her ass doesn't look spectacular in it or anything-- more likely, her complaint is due to Wes Anderson cutting her entire appearance from the print and letting dudes all over the world download it for free from iTunes.

Natalie Portman Nude

2. We Own The Night. Already long forgotten, this Joaquin Phoenix-led ensemble drama featured a brief Eva Mendes sex scene early on. The only reason to watch this movie? Eva Mendes. The only reason to watch a sex scene this short and dull? Eva Mendes.

1. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. A ridiculously and rather overrated heist pic, this one piles on the implausible twists from beginning to end, opening with the most implausable of all: Philip Seymour Hoffman giving it to Marisa Tomei doggystyle. Same with #2-- this movie wouldn't be the same without Tomei...

If that doesn't work you, try our Honorable Mention, also from BTDKYD. It's a nude scene, with the sex having happened earlier, but it's worth watching nonetheless:

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 19:10:00 GMT

Nobel Son, an indie favorite from last year's Tribeca Film Festival, finally gets released today in a few theaters throughout the country. And although it stars Alan Rickman, Danny Devito, Mary Steenburgen (a personal favorite of ours), Ted Danson, and Bill Pullman, we doubt anything will make you want to see more than this sex scene teaser...

Eliza Dushku, who played Faith on Buffy and Angel and starred in Bring It On, is set to break out from the B-list pack with this art film... and an Ali Larter/Sophie Monk-style nude surprise. Since it's a teaser, we don't get much more than side boob, but we don't need actual boobs to get turned on. Here we go...

This link will take you to a much higher quality clip, with more ass. Not bad... for an art film.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 20:08:00 GMT

Mr. Skin released his Top 10 Sex Scenes of 2008, but to see what that dirty old man is raving about, you have to sign up and give your credit card to a bunch of perverts.

Or you could see them all for free, thanks to the beauty of Google and our embedding, um, tool...

5. Neve Campbell. We took some flack for ragging on (a photo of) Neve Campbell's nipples in a screencap from I Really Hate My Job, but seeing them in action here, they like quite normal to us. That's the problem with screencaps, of course: they're never as titilating as the real thing.

4. Asia Argento. Picking a favorite nude scene from Asia Argento is like picking your favorite $100 bill-- they're all equally fantastic, as well as a wonder to behold. Here's one from some Italian or Spanish movie-- but what do you care?

3. Heather Graham. When we first caught Heather Graham in Swingers, we never suspected that every movie since would feature her getting nailed in the nude. You'd think she'd go the Julia Roberts route and Neve Campbell would end up more of a Denise Richards type. But nope... and not that we're complaining. When was the last time you enjoyed seeing a Julia Roberts sex scene?

2. Mischa Barton. We can't believe we're saying this, but how adorable is a crying, curly-haired Mischa Barton dubbed in Spanish in this scene from Closing the Ring?

1. Sophie Monk. The catchphrase of the year is not "Change" or even "Pancakes." It's "foreplay is for losers." See why, with this clip:

The rest of the top 10, according to Mr. Skin: Anna Farris in the House Bunny; Mena Suvari in Stuck; Amy Smart in Mirrors; Penelope Cruz in Elegy; and Aneglina Jolie in Wanted, which we may post next week if you have those.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Following up on the promise made with the Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes, we present the sequel, which was already in production when the first one landed with a triumphant boom on the mass culture...

5. Monster. It took some serious gobs of makeup and inventive hairstyling to make Christina Ricci and Charlize Theron unattractive, but somehow the sex scene survives. Perhaps this is due to the previous scene, one of our favorite romantic moments on screen, in which the stars awkwardly discover each other while rollerskating and continue making out with extreme giddiness even as the crowd becomes nauseated. (And to the strains of "Don't Stop Believin''" to boot!)

4. Desert Hearts. Thanks to a nomination in our first Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes post, we've decided to include this cult classic (sex scene) in the followup, although we're not sure this is the hottest of the films two sex scenes. (If anyone finds an embeddable or even a linkable version of the other sex scene in the film, we'll take a look.)

3. Wild Side. Anne Heche is so believably lesbian in this sex scene with the great and sorely missed Joan Chen, it's no surprise she played gay in real life for a few years after. Once you've had Joan... you can't go bone? Something like that... anyway, enjoy:

2. Lost and Delirious. By special request, we've included this very, very sexy scene here-- only because it's able to overcome the whiny and distracting soundtrack tune. As Joe Cocker (a porn star name if there ever was one) said at Woodstock, "This title pretty much puts it all into focus."

1. If These Walls Could Talk 2. Again, we can tolerate the soundtrack for the chance to enjoy Michelle Williams and Chloe Sevigny devouring each other, first to a neighbor's delight (or it it horror?) and then to the strains of an obvious Melissa Etheridge song. With or without it, this scene rules.

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 21:44:00 GMT

In the future, we hope to show more from the Sopranos and the L Word, plus something from the Wire, but for now... here's the Top 5 Sex Scenes From Television Shows, Part One...

5. The Sopranos. Tony and his secretary at the no-show job he shows up for. Alicia Witt's sex scene is jealous of this one.

4. Weeds. We shared a great Mary-Louise Parker sex scene from last season with you. Now catch the followup, which may be even hotter, if that were even possible.

3. Tudors. We can't stand to watch more of this show than the following 40-second clip, but that has more to do with the acting "chops" of Jonathan Rhys-Meyers more than anything else. Natalie Dormer on the other hand... wow, look out.

2. Six Feet Under. "Shut up and fuck me" are the exact words we thought of before Rachel Griffiths utters them to end this all-too-brief clip.

1. The L Word. If someone finds a long-lost Pam Grier sex scene, please, we'd love to make this a tie at #1.

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 21:05:00 GMT

You get a bonus 6th video this week, thanks to our being unable to decide between the two best scenes in a certain David Lynch movie...

5. Gia. Angelina Jolie rocketed to (semi-)stardom following her Golden Globe win for this hugely successful TV movie. There are many, many sex scenes in this film (could that be the reason it wasn't released theatrically?)-- we picked this one at random, but they're all worth checking out in their own ways.

4. Wild Things. This is more like an entry for "Top 5 Orgy Sex Scenes" or something, but there is some nice girl-on-girl, even if Matt Dillon does get in the way.

3. Better Than Chocolate. We almost included the jailbait-y Thirteen in this list, but nah. This is softcore porn for lesbians, sort of the cinematic L Word. We think that'll give you some idea of what's to come in this 4-minute clip, with the sexy stuff starting about a minute in...

2 (tie). Mulholland Drive. Still arguably the best movie so far this century, this scary-as-fuck freakshow grips you from the first frame to the widely-discussed last. Part of the reason is unquestionably these two sex scenes, one of which is our second favorite of all time. (We think you can guess which.)

1. Bound. Yeah, yeah. You saw this pick coming as soon as you saw the word "Lesbian" in our headline. Good for you. Now, settle down... we're trying to enjoy this...

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Runners Up: High Art, Thirteen, Monster, Showgirls and the Hunger (which we covered in our Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1980s list), plus whatever you nominate in the comments section. Hell, we will probably end up doing a Part Two somewhere down the road...

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 20:53:00 GMT

The hits just keep coming from X-rated HBO series True Blood, with this week's sex scene hotter than any of the previous ones... except that XXX-rated Anna Paquin one in the graveyard... or... or...

Well, anyway, if Lizzy Caplan doesn't end up a big movie star thanks to this show, she does have a career as the next Shannon Tweed...

Check out this latest raunchfest, complete with a greenscreen sequence so bad, we had to check to make sure this isn't a cable access show. In fact, the effects here are beyond parody, to the point where you half expect a Flight of the Conchords song to start and Jermaine to croon about tapping that sweet, sweet ass... (Also, who the hell designed that tire track on the vampire's face?)

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Nerve once did a Top 5 Funny Sex Scene list. Unfortunately, we disagree with almost all of its choices ("The Graduate" being the only exception.)

Here's a new, much funnier list, with not only great sex scenes but barrels of laughs (we had a hard time imagining anyone would laugh at the raunchy sex in "Havoc.") Barrels of laughs during sex? Can't say we've ever experienced that... no, sir...

5. Animal House.

4. Because couldn't find clips for Being There or Sideways, another equally-worthy scene from Animal House:

3. M*A*S*H

In the TV show's entire decade long run, we doubt you could put together two hours as sidesplitting as the original Robert Altman film. This vintage trailer features some of the film's unforgettable dialogue and two or three of the best scenes in movie history, including this one (about 1:18 in.)

2. Team America: World Police. FYI: This is the R-rated version... which means there's no defecation (for better or worse.) Enjoy!

1. The Tall Guy. Yep, not only does our number one choice feature Jeff Goldblum (yikes!), it stars the boobs of one... Emma Thompson. Who could have ever predicted a sex scene with Emma Thompson (not to say she isn't hot) would be so memorable?

Runner-up: Being There, Sideways. (Couldn't find either online.)

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Featuring Nicole Kidman

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 20:49:00 GMT

Say what you will about Tom Cruise's oddball ex-wife (at least, that's how we've always thought she comes off in interviews-- the "odd" part, that is), but Nicole Kidman gets the blood boiling faster than washing down a Cialis with a double espresso. Concentrating on that tantalizing mouth and the rest of her face-- and not the usually terrible films-- is helpful...

5. Birth. Speaking of oddball, this movie certainly fits that bill. We won't bore you with the details, since the only thing you need to know is the following clip, which shows that Nicole would make a very hot movie lesbian-- love that short hair...

4. Fur: An Imaginary Portrait of Diane Arbus

Did you know Nicole and Robert Downey, Jr. did a very nice three minute sex scene in a somewhat well-received Hollywood feature film just two years ago? If you didn't know about this already, it could be thanks to the current Mr. Nicole Kidman, who checked himself into rehab during the runup to the film's release; the actress canceled all publicity for the movie and fled to London, leaving Fur to languish here...

3. Malice. This is one of those movies that's all about its own cleverness and cramming as many twists and turns as it can into a two hour boondoggle. Luckily, they had enough room for the sex.

2. Dead Calm. Telling you what's happening here might fall under "Spoilers." Plus, it might make you vomit. Just pretend it's role playing, okay?

1. Eyes Wide Shut. A movie featuring her then-husband but a sex scene from that movie that doesn't? Hot.

Honorable Mention: Billy Bathgate

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:04:00 GMT

If we've learned anything from Hollywood, it's that 30 seconds of sex is enough for people to endure two hours of terrible moviemaking. (Then again, as in the case of The Girl Next Door, if you promise an "unrated" sex movie and deliver no nudity, barely any sex, and two hours of complete crap? You will pay.)

Here are five of our favorites we haven't been able to forget... all from movies we wish we could...

5. Basic Instinct 2. This sex scene is not even in the Top 200 of Good Sex Scenes From Bad Movies, mainly because it's not a good sex scene. It looks like the film was sped up to make it look rougher, faster, and hotter. It only serves to make it look even more idiotic. We're including it here for comic relief. (The clip we're referring to starts at about 1:20.)

4. Friday the 13th. The original put all my friends to sleep at a late-night slumber party when we were kids-- it's that scary. Rent Black Christmas (the original) or even Halloween (also the original) and you'll do much better. But we like this nice little sex scene all the same...

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

3. Reindeer Games. Even Charlize Theron admits this movie sucks. But who doesn't want to see her naked?

2. The Doors. No matter what you think of Oliver Stone and Jim Morrison, you have to admit combining the two should be brilliant... or, at least, the right pairing for a movie. Too bad Stone focused on nothing but the debauchery and made a pointless movie that offered nothing new or interesting about the late singer. That doesn't mean we don't love this ridiculous and ultimately sexy sex scene:

[Click here to watch this scene-- video on autoplay]

1. Original Sin. If not for this "action" sequence, no one would remember Angelina Jolie and Antonio Banderas' theatrical turd. This is the longest scene on this list and the one most likely to have ended up on Skinemax if not for the presence of A-list stars... it's more than 2 minutes long, complete with an obnoxious orchestral score, and is about as soft-core as it gets. Enjoy.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:30:00 GMT

There we plenty of great sex scenes in the 80s... we will certainly be doing a sequel to this list at some point, since there about 1,187 equally worthy clips to show you just from those ten years... hell, even Porky's had a couple of good ones in there...

5. The Hunger. Some will argue this is one of the best sex scenes, period. We can't get over the terrible direction and distracting, awful music. But, hey, it's hard for this not to be hot...

4. Angel Heart. The decade's most controversial sex scene involved-- gulp-- Mickey Rourke and Lisa Bonet, which caused her TV Dad Bill Cosby to attack her in the media.

3. Devil in the Flesh - known mainly for its inclusion on those memorable lists of legitimiate theatrically-released movies featuring actual on-screen sex, this film is very difficult to find except from Mr. Skin and whatnot. We've seen it, but we didn't want to pay to download it just for this post, so here's a link and, below, a screenshot:

2. Cat People... with six-and-a-half minutes of clips from the movie... no graphic sex here, although there is some in the film (if only we could find it on the 'net.)

1. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. As if this needs an intro... you already know which scene we're referring to...

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 20:35:00 GMT

5. Cold Mountain. Debatably not hot, thanks to the movie's "soaring, sweeping" saga score, this does have two components that make it automatically worth a look: Nicole Kidman and Jude Law.

4. Coming Home. Debatably not a chick flick, this is nonetheless a great sex scene involving a man in a wheelchair that is not from a David Cronenberg film.

3. Jerry Maguire. You complete me. Unfortunately, this is an incomplete video-- the first word, "Don't," is missing. With that in mind, you should still be able to enjoy...

2. Feast of Love. There about 4,812 sex scenes in this chick flick, some even with Selma Blair, but none of them are as hot as the first five seconds of this one... against the glass in the rain... ah...

1. The Notebook. Wow... should this movie have been rated NC-17 or what? Not that we're complaining...

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 20:55:00 GMT

5. Storytelling: one of the most unsettling sex scenes alive... but hey, it works for this list of older men and women on young folks...

4. Midnight Cowboy: maybe our favorite "funny" sex scene, this is even better when you factor in the next sequence, which involves prostitute Joe Buck getting conned for cab fare and whatnot by

3. American Beauty: not to spoil it, but there's not really any actual sex... but there might as well have been for all the pouty hotness and a buff Kevin Spacey...

2. The Graduate: we've included the long version of this sequence because the line "Are you trying to seduce me?" is even better with all the aggressive foreplay on the part of the screen's greatest MILF: Anne Bancroft.

1. Boogie Nights: this assemblage includes Heather Graham, who under normal circumstances could have a sex scene list all to herself. However, we're talking Julianne Moore here, who isn't exactly what we'd call the "older woman" when set up with Marky Mark. In this movie, though, that's exactly what they are: a sort of mother(figure)-son team of porn stars. Awww...

Honorable Mentions: Shopgirl, American Pie (see above photo), and... suggestions?

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 16:43:00 GMT

We're too busy fantasizing about sex with food to pull ourselves away from these five hot sex scenes in order to have lunch...

5. Tom Jones - a scene that actually makes gluttony hot

4. Last Tango in Paris - butta, baby, you're butta... barely not a rape scene, but no list about sex and food, especially if it involves the movies, is complete without this, one of the most notorious moments in film.

Backdoor Behavior With Butter!

3. Hot Shots! - in some ways, this is superior to our #1 choice, which is parodied here

2. Flashdance - hot: Jennifer Beals sitting absolutely still and doing absolutely nothing; mind-blowingly hot: Jennifer Beals sucking on a lobster tail while playing footsie with her date

1. 9 1/2 Weeks

See you next week for another Top 5... suggestions are always welcome...

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Top 5 Kate Winslet Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 20:22:00 GMT

Because the Nerve Video blog has passed on, we're going to take up that page's noble crusade: Top 5 Sex Scene Lists. (See previous entries here.) For no reason, other than the story we did a few days ago about her next sex scene with Leonardo DiCaprio, we present the Top 5 Sex Scenes Featuring Kate Winslet:

5. Little Children

4. Iris

3. Titanic

2. Jude

1. Holy Smoke

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Shocker: Bill Clinton Has Extramarital Affairs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 18:41:00 GMT

We haven't heard from the President of the United States in a while. (No, not including George Bush-- the person last elected President was Bill Clinton.) While his wife is wrapping up her campaign with a final 24 hour push, concluding sometime around midnight this evening, Bill himself has been plenty busy. Busy getting busy, that is, at least according to anonymous sources and speculation on Defamer, via Vanity Fair.

[F]our former Clinton aides told me that, about 18 months ago, one of the president's former assistants, who still advises him on political matters, had heard so many complaints about such reports from Clinton supporters around the country that he felt compelled to try... an "intervention..."

"Clinton was apparently seeing a lot of women on the road."

One of those women was apparently the Los Angeles-based star of one of Nerve's top sex scenes, and the hottest lesbian one this side of Mulholland Drive...

If you guessed Gina Gershon, star of "Bound," then congratulations. If your name is Bill Clinton, mucho congratulations on that, you lucky bastard.

[A] certain "Air Fuck One" [or “Ron Air,” as Clinton calls Ron Burkle's jet] voyage yielded an especially persistent rumor about a donor meeting, so to speak, between Clinton and Gershon — and we hear she gave him a lot more than a check. [Other rumored companions include] Belinda Stronach, a twice-divorced billionaire auto-parts heiress and member of the Canadian Parliament 20 years his junior... a female friend in Chappaqua, a woman in a bar at a meeting of the Aspen Institute, and a public sighting of Clinton, [billionaire Steve] Bing, and a ravishing entourage in a New York elevator that, a former Clinton aide told me, led a business leader who saw them to say: I don’t know what the guy was doing, but it was so clear that it was just no good.

Wait, does this mean the Republican Party can bring Bill Clinton up on charges of prostitution? What a stud...

Via Vanity Fair.