Scanner : naked women

Video of Jessica Biel Nude Scenes in Powder Blue, Compiled!

Drew Grant — Wed, 13 May 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Jessica Biel may be too busy crunching her abs or making sweet, sweet love to Justin Timberlake to comment on the apparently excessive nudity featured in her new film, Powder Blue, but that didn't stop some genius from putting together a montage of all Biel's best "acting," moments in the Christma-hooker drama. Watch her strip to Cat Power (no seriously, Biel got duped into starring in my freshman year boyfriend's Cinema 101 project), after the jump.

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Lily Allen Swears off Sex, Won't Stop Teasing Us

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 01 May 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Look, we have no problem if celebrities like Lily Allen want to beg off sex for a while-- hell, at least until we come along. If they're going to do that, we just wish they-- meaning Lily specifically-- would stop showing off ~~their~~ her boobs...

Lily Allen gave an interview, released yesterday, announcing she has decided to remain celibate... to improve her music.

Allen often uses her personal life as inspiration for her hits, but admits she is stuck in a creative rut.

Allen, who has previously dated Chemical Brothers star Ed Simons and art dealer Jay Jopling, is currently single but has decided she won't get involved with any more men, as a sex ban with help her focus on her songs.

According to the Sun, she says, "Sometimes it helps. It's good to get out of your comfort zone and test yourself. I'm just going to see how it goes for a bit. I haven't set a time limit or anything." [Ed. note: Our pick in the betting pool: two hours.]

The singer recently admitted she sometimes deliberately sabotages her relationships in a bid to improve her song-writing: "I've actually broken up with boyfriends for inspiration. When I hit a period of not being able to write music, I get up and I walk away. It's pretty mean - but it's true." [SF Gate]

That didn't stop her from stepping out (as they say in the British tabloids) of a London restaurant the other night in this seethrough dress. Lily Allen, please change your crappy music... but don't change your excellent fashion sense. Evidence here:

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Men Have Been Waiting For These Jessica Biel Topless Photos Since 1997

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Ever since the maturity of Jessica Biel, readers of Maxim and other perpetual droolers have been wondering "when is Jessica Biel gettin naked aready ??!?" Surprisingly, she wasn't holding out for a period piece or an Oscar-worthy performance as a nun-cum-prostitute in a Ron Howard movie.

The lucky winners are the producers of Powder Blue, which apparently boasts nothing else noteworthy, since no one even seems to know what the plot of this film is. Here's what we've retained from reading various blogs, press notes, and reviews: Powder Blue has its theatrical release in two weeks, and four weeks after that, the movie has its DVD release. This movie must be so atrocious that the filmmakers don't even hold out hope it's going to have a substantial box office take after a month.

Click on any of the following set of photos to get a new window, then you'll be able to blow these up to their full glory.

And even though these delightful pictures are easier on the eyes than, say, severely washed-out photos taken in a darkroom, that's exactly what the final cut looks like:

Members of the Perv Club... this is definitely our rental for the June meeting...

Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:58:00 GMT

The nude issue of Allure, which is out Tuesday the 21st of April, promises to be a smash success, thanks to the naked presence of Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler, Sharon Leal, Lynn Collins, and the hostess with the most sexiness, Padma Lakshmi.

The Top Chef star talked to the magazine about her breasts, her body, and sleeping in the nude-- in that order...

ALLURE: What did you do to prepare for the shoot?
PADMA LAKSHMI: "I exercised a little bit extra, but I actually think I look better when I have a little bit of weight on—my breasts are fuller, and I'm curvier than when I'm at my thinnest."

ALLURE: Are you confident about your body?
PL: "Yes; I like the way I look. I think I look better now than I did in my 20s, because I'm more confident about my body—and I don't want to look like anyone but myself."

ALLURE: Do you sleep naked?
PL: "I tend to sleep in the nude. I'm an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word 'leaning' or it sounds like I'm boasting! When I'm in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on."

Emphasis added. Here are some more partial-nudes of Lakshmi from a photo shoot we've only recently discovered...

As we mentioned, Eliza Dushku and others also posed "nude" for the Allure issue...

ALLURE: What about [getting naked] these days?
ED: "I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer."

Sharon Leal, formerly of Boston Public and Guiding Light, and recently of Dreamgirls, was a bit shaky on the whole nudity thing:

ALLURE: What happened when you dropped the robe?
SL: "I just breathed and said to myself, 'I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful; I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful,' until I didn't have to say that anymore.... It's liberating, but posing once may be enough."

Chelsea Handler, the talk show host and standup comic, practically leapt at the chance to show off:

ALLURE: What was it like on the set?
CH: "I think it was easy—you're naked a couple times a day, so I think it would be easy for most women."
ALLURE: What body parts are you most proud of?
CH: "My boobs are good. They're real and perky. Even if you can't see them, the important thing is that I know about them, and the guys I've slept with know about them."

Lynn Collins, star of the recent bootleg sensation X-Men Origins: Wolverine agreed:

LYNN COLLINS: "Women with confidence in their bodies are the sexiest thing, so I put on my cape of courage and did it. It was quite liberating!"
ALLURE: What body part were you nervous to expose?
LC: "He shot that place where your butt meets your thigh. It's a special place on a woman; it's a highly erogenous zone, but it's one of the hardest places to get in shape."

Via Allure.

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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Bai Ling Trying To Make Mickey Rourke Regret Dumping Her

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 21:12:00 GMT

Today's Gawker and an edition of the New York Post are excited to report on superstar genius man-actor Mickey Rourke's revived love life. First, they point out, Mickey fended off Bai Ling, going stag to the Oscars, and now faces rumors that a Russian model is trying to use him for fame.

Both sources claim an unnamed "pop star/model" is leaking gossip to Russia's tabloids about her plans to marry the actor. Yeah, and I'd like to announce my engagement to Anne Hathaway, while we're at it.

Meanwhile, Bai Ling is doing some leaking of her own-- namely, these nude photos-- in an attempt to rebound from Rourke.

And the classics that captured his imagination in the first place...

Click the photos for the larger image.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Every guy has a childhood story about finding the nudie mags under their friend's dad's bed. Ours involves raiding our best friend's father's Playboy collection, dating back to the mid-sixties, and going over centerfolds ranging from famous rock groupie Bebe Buell to Vicki Iovine, wife of the great record producer Jimmy Iovine.

But we always got bored with the nude women posing in the same exact way. We ended up digging to the bottom for the Victoria's Secret catalog with Elle MacPherson on the cover. To us, the tease was better than the full monty.

With that in mind, here are Five of our Favorite Sex Scenes Featuring Lingerie...

5. Gia. This first surfaced on the internet entitled "Banned Lingerie Commercial." Yeah, right-- even lingerie commericals aren't this hot. Should this automatically be #1 on any list of anything, including lists that have nothing to do with sex? Yes. Are we too lazy to move it to the bottom of this post? Indeed.

4. Two Days in the Valley. Skip to 0:22 to the part where James Spader finally shuts up when Charlize and her long, long, long legs enter the bedroom... and then they both don't shut up. Ever.

3. Mutual Needs. Is this a porno? Rochelle Swanson's in it, so it must be... but who's complaining? If you have five minutes to kill today, this is how you should spend it.

2. Layer Cake. Skip to 1:30 to build on the hotness. Thinking that this PG-13 movie would be lacking in uncomfortable sex scenes, we decided a Daniel Craig action movie might be a good choice for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Whoops. Sienna Miller here explains why she is able to hypnotize men into leaving their wives-- she just pops in a DVD of this scene:

1. El Beso del Sueno. Maribel Verdu from Y Tu Mama Tambien and... some old guy... in what was obviously her audition for the famous blockbuster Alfonse Cuaron film. Did that movie top this one in her terms of hotness? Of course... but don't miss the close up of Verdu's panties... Cuaron didn't think of that.

Bonus: Lori Loughlin from Full House in what may or may not be lingerie (or is a simple dress?) from Suckers.

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Rosario Dawson Will Never Stop Having to Discuss Her Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 21:24:00 GMT

There's apparently something called T Magazine and Rosario Dawson did an interview for it a few weeks back.

In it, she discusses lesbian sex, being completely naked on screen, abortion, and the following sex scene...

That's from Alexander, the Oliver Stone film Dawson addresses in her T Mag interview:

The only sex scene I’ve done that caused a fuss was the one I did with Colin Farrell in ‘‘Alexander.’’ That scene was intense. I thought it was necessary to the movie — in life sometimes you’re naked. But it was not soft porny in any way, which would have been harder for me. My brother, who D.J.’s in a strip club, was relieved when he saw it. He said he was happy that I ‘‘was fit.’’ He didn’t want to be embarrassed around his friends.

Sorry, Rosario, but it's an Oliver Stone film-- it was definitely soft-porny.

She also discusses lesbian sex, her mother nearly having her aborted, and love scenes with Will Smith:

I didn’t have sex until was 20. I got into trouble at school because one of my friends said, ‘‘Lesbians do it with straws.’’ I said, ‘‘I can tell you how lesbians do it, and there are no straws involved!’’ But I think all that talk of sex put me off. The first time I had it, I think it was in a head-to-toe rubber. I was terrified of getting pregnant. My mom was planning to get an abortion when she was pregnant with me. She was at the clinic waiting for her appointment and she felt me move in her stomach. I always tell her it was probably gas. I thank God for gas.
Before our first major kiss, [Will Smith] said, ‘‘Let’s go — I’m going to nail this scene. I want to go home.’’ [Laughs] But he focused. Kissing can be more intimate than nudity. You have to take your time.

We don't know about that last one-- getting attacked by a horny Colin Farrell, trying to kill him, and then having full on-screen sex is pretty intimate. It almost made us embarrassed for having been so pleased to see her naked... almost.

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From the Annals of Boobs...

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 19:54:00 GMT

We've been noticing a strange trend in the latest wave of free internet porn. (Hey, not that we're spending our workdays looking at porn or anything. No, that would be wrong. Wrong. Very wrong. Really wrong.)

Fleshbot and several readers have directed us to porn clips of late that involve one trend in boobs...

The Boob Rub. See evidence below:

And this...

...which proves internet porn trends do influence real world sex...

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Brazilian Carnival Outdoing Itself Almost Daily With Risque Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Dani Sperle. Remember the name of that nude Brazilian carnival superstar-- yesterday, we asked you to memorize the words Viviane Castro, but we're unceremoniously brushing her aside-- for Dani just took South America by storm or, rather, by boob...

According to unsubstantied reports from Brazil's front lines, Dani Sperle has just beaten Viviane Castro's 2008 record for the skimpiest carnival costume. If you think we're making this category up, you need to read this:

Brazilian media outlets are very excited about the fact that there is a new record for the smallest article of clothing to be worn in a Carnival parade. Model Dani Sperle showed up at the parade in Rio de Janeiro wearing a headdress, a necklace, boots, armbands ... and a piece of cloth that was 3 centimeters long. For as much coverage as this fact was given, none of the reports specify how she wore this piece of cloth. It broke the record set last year by Viviane Castro at 4 centimeters. Castro was penalized for not meeting minimum standards, though no penalties have been assessed against Sperle yet. [TampaBay.com]

It's in a Florida newspaper, and you know everyone is sane and not full of bullshit in that state. However, we can actually confirm the outfit, based on this unfortunately-censored photo:

Yesterday, one commenter asked where the "strategically-placed tape" was... your answer may appear above, good sir.

And if you're annoyed at the censored photo, here are two NSFW photos of today's record-breaker... put two and two together using your imagination, people...

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Nude Night Invades Florida

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 19:36:00 GMT

The peaceful small town of Orlando, Florida was considering going to bed early on Saturday when word began to spread among the populace: "Dude, you're going to miss Naked Night 2009!"

According to its website, Nude Night "is a juried art exhibition with hundreds of artists celebrating the body beautiful by creating a bazaar-like atmosphere of artistic talents not only in photographs and paintings, but also in live body painting, sensual performances, shapely sculpture and experimental installations." When you're done catching your breath, here's the layman's version: it's a shitton of nude art and several hundred leering guests.

The evenings begin with cocktails and DJs blasting out lounge music, while patrons peruse the immobile art projects. Later on, performers leap to the stage to offer "interpretations on the theme," according to the website. (See above photos.)

In case this sounds like your ideal evening out, don't despair, for the Nude Night art fair will hit Tampa this coming weekend, starting on Thursday and running through Saturday. Don't miss it... and remember to e-mail us a link to your Twitter pics.

Via their website. Top photo via the Orlando Sun-Sentinel.

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Mr. Skin's 2009 Naked Oscar Nominees Are Here, Free and Uncensored

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Excuse the terrible headline, but we're rushing to be the first to take down The Man (Mr. Skin) by revealing his Top 5 Naked 2009 Academy Award Nominees in all their free and uncensored glory...

Earlier this week, the Hollywood nude database announced the famed annual list of naked Oscar nominees (of the ten females in acting categories, only Viola Davis has had a nude-free career.) Of course, there was an accompanying video with little Skin-heads over the naughty bits... but we'll take them away just for you, for free. You can't see this anywhere else... well, unless you do an exhaustive internet search that takes hours of our time, like we did...

5. Anne Hathaway - Havoc, nominated this year for Best Actress for Rachel Getting Married. Warning: this sex scene is disturbing, even in this chopped-up version.

4. Melissa Leo - Streetwalkin' (Best Actress - Frozen River) Although we couldn't find the topless scene Mr. Skin mentions, here's another scene with Leo showing some other parts of her award-winning anatomy, plus another funny "sex" scene from The Three Burials... movie, in which Dwight Yoakam remains in his socks. Classic.

3. Penelope Cruz - Elegy (Best Supporting Actress for Vicky Cristina Barcelona.) Why hadn't we heard of this before? It stars Penelope Cruz, Ben Kingsley, and Patricia Clarkson, and features two of those three in the buff (guess which?) Also, it's based on a forgettable Philip Roth bestseller from only a few years ago. Did we mention Penelope is topless for what seems like all of the movie's two hour running time? Guess we'll have our answers on March 17th, when it Elegy comes to DVD.

2. Kate Winslet - The Reader (Best Actress for the same.) We haven't seen this movie, but the fact that we've heard it called one of the worst movies ever nominated for Best Picture and "without a doubt the foulest film about the Holocaust" leads us to believe that having checked out Winslet's three nude scenes online is more than enough torture for one year. By the way, since this film is still on theaters, this is a bootleg of a bootleg, so the quality is understandably low.

1. Marisa Tomei - The Wrestler (Best Supporting Actress for the same.) This nude scene has been played to death on Scanner's pages, but hey, this isn't our list. Use the link below to check out the many other great clips from her wonderful career.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Here's Part One of a list that includes Keanu Reeves, vampires, Susan Sarandon, vampires, the devil, Keanu Reeves, the devil, and some more vampires.

Hey, horror's got a few good ideas and they're all recycled like Tipper Gore's vibrator batteries... or something equally irrelevant to this post.

5. Bram Stoker's Dracula. While this Keanu Reeves-Gary Oldman-Winona Ryder film directed by Francis Ford Coppola is well known, it's difficult to find sex scenes or even clips from it on YouTube or anywhere else. The film is nearly complete on YouTube, but with only this sequence intact and not the famous scene where Reeves is molested by a couple of hot, naked vampires. A tragic discovery, to be sure.

Another clip can be found here.

4. The Hunger. Ah yes, one of the most popular sex scenes of all-time, here for 432nd time. But would we have been forgiven for leaving out nude action involving Susan Sarandon and Catherine Denueve? Doubtful.

Hunger

3. Angel Heart. Remember the days before Mickey Rourke was a washed-up boxer? We don't remember them either, but how can we forget the most controversial sex scene of the 1980s, from this cult horror flick set in New Orleans that involved one of the Cosby girls. Say goodbye to network TV respectability with us...

Angel Heart

2. The Devil's Advocate. We may never understand why this gem (that's putting it lightly) of a sex scene is left off almost every list of the greats. Perhaps it disturbs some when they find out (SPOILERS!) that Keanu and Connie are siblings-- at least according to Satan, who would know. Bonus: two hot chicks, hallucinations, and the fires of hell-- don't miss this!

1. Embrace of the Vampire. Although you won't hear any arguments from us that #2 is the superior scene, we're putting this up in the top spot for pure raunch and "Unrated" hotness. In fact, if Alyssa Milano had never done Who's The Boss?, we think most guys would still know who she is, thanks to this ridiculous vampire sex film. Enjoy the scene embedded here and then feel free to poke around Metacafe for other clips from the movie.

Alysia Milano Sex Scene

More coming in a few weeks in Part Two... suggestions are always welcome...

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Super-Exclusive Nude Calendar Makes Us Want to Go to Africa For Some Reason

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 20:33:00 GMT

These pictures have floated past us on the internet on at least a dozen different occasions, from one mysterious origin or another. At one time, Kate Moss was rumored to have participated in the 2009 Pirelli calendar, an arty nude photography review limited to 30,000 copies, but we haven't been able to find any photos from this year.

The rest, however, which involve naked models mounting elephants and their, um, rigid tusks, should suffice.

Thanks to Jalopnik and other sources for their links. Don't forget to purchase the calendar-- if you can figure out how!

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We Nominate... Marisa Tomei For Best Supporting Nipple Rings

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 19:31:00 GMT

It doesn't seem that long ago that Marisa Tomei's career was made and simultaneously ruined by her winning a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for My Cousin Vinny. We saw "ruined" because the backlash began before she even took the stage-- with many saying Jack Palance had read the wrong name and many more claiming Tomei didn't deserve it either way, since her performance and role were "slight."

While these are, we have to admit, not entirely unfair (the fact that Judy Davis did not win unanimously is one of the great snubs of all time), they should not have stuck with Tomei for so long. Witness her brutal and affecting performance in 2007's violent caper film Before the Devil Knows You're Dead. Plus, her inspired comic turn in The Slums of Beverly Hills and other indie films of note.

If it takes these uncensored topless scenes from The Wrestler to restore her standing among Hollywood's finest actors, so be it...

Marisa Tomei NUDE Stripper Performance in 'The Wrestler'

Did you catch how the was able to express her character's unhappiness in very subtle ways in that one on-stage strip scene (the one where Mickey Rourke hands her a piece of paper at the end)? That's true acting-- we can't even see her face for most of the take, yet we can sense her misery just in her back and arms...

By the way, if you haven't seen The Wrestler-- go check it out immediately or demand your local theater get a print pronto.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:03:00 GMT

Every Hollywood action movie has to have a distracting sex scene about 70 minutes into the movie, just before the big, climactic showdown sequence begins-- just ask Sylvester Stallone. We defy you to name one action flick he's done without him rolling around in the sack with a Sharon Stone type, while Enya's instrumental score plays on the soundtrack in time with the snoring of almost everyone.

But, as no dude would feel the film is complete without it, screenwriters and directors keep plugging them in, sometimes ending up with something halfway decent...

Here are our Top 5 Sex Scenes From Action Movies... God forbid you ask us to remember the context these fall in:

5. Cyborg 2. Is that... Good Lord, it is, isn't it? Yep, check out Angelina Jolie's slow-mo boobs in this quintessential pointless action movie sex scene, which was Jack Palance's ridiculously boneheaded followup to winning an Oscar for City Slickers. You can watch a higher quality clip of the same scene here (it's a smaller, non-embeddable frame.)

4. Killing Zoe. Watching this a second time, we realize how hilariously (and obviously) Freudian this is. The clip from the original Nosferatu, where the man springs from the floor, fully erect? Not phallic at all. Neither is the Venus fly trap clamping shut. The more we started thinking about this-- that Julie Delpy is the hooker with the heart of gold who gets Stockholm Syndrome and falls in love with a bank robber... ay ay ay... now we know why this fell into obscurity, despite Tarantino's involvement. Goodness starts at the 10:00 mark in the full film (seen below) or just click this link to go directly to the sex.

3. Mr. and Mrs. Smith. This obnoxiously bad ripoff of "Prizzi's Honor" at least satisfied one requirement of the Hollywood action genre: a gratuitous, PG-13 rated sex scene. You actually see the moment where Brad Pitt decided to cheat on Jennifer Aniston in this clip.

2. The Terminator. It takes a hell of a director to making these two co-stars look sexy-- which is why James Cameron now has more money than a Fannie Mae exec. No wonder he ended up with Linda Hamilton for many years...

1. 300. Try watching any random section of dialogue in this film. Seriously-- you won't be able to last ten seconds without breaking out in fits of hysterical laughter. But this sex scene will shut you up right quick.

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Carmen Electra's Latest Playboy Shoot Explains Why The Magazine Is Failing

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 22:12:00 GMT

Carmen Electra enjoys wire coat hangers. Not in the Joan Crawford kind of way... at least, we don't think...

The actress/model refuses to go into details about how she uses her homemade sex aids, but admits she's found a hot new use for hangers.
She teases, "A little pleasure, a little pain. It's all about fun." The current Playboy pin-up tells the magazine she's a big collector of sex toys and visits the world's top boutiques to stock up. [Starpulse]

This is honestly the most interesting thing this "actress"/absurdly famous person has to say in her promotional tour for this month's Playboy. And we'd almost still be in these photos; however...

Ain't Photoshop incredible? Not only can it make your ass appear twenty years younger, it can apparently take your head and seamlessly dump it over another model's body.

Seriously, though, Playboy claims to loathe fake boobs (although they recently killed an in-house story that would've lambasted women who receive boob jobs) and yet the magazine is nothing but Photoshopped or implanted boobs. No wonder they are about to go offline and become internet only-- if you want to see tasteful, exciting, titillating, or just plain interesting naked women, you have to head to the internet...

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Set in the Great Outdoors

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 21:55:00 GMT

After a holiday hiatus, our regular feature returns. This week's list is wishful thinking-- we probably couldn't get away with outdoor sex in today's 36-degree New York weather... you'll have to let us know how your reenactments go in warmer climes...

5. U-Turn. Honestly, we didn't even remember that Jennifer Lopez was in this movie before finding this clip. Still haunting our memories, however, are those extreme closeups of Billy Bob Thornton's teeth.

Jennifer Lopez Outdoor Sex Scene

4. The Hot Spot. This tender nude scene was featured on our Jennifer Connelly list way back when. Hey, if you want to complain about seeing Jennifer Connelly naked again, we can't really help you.

Jennifer Connelly - The Hot Spot

3. Three. We would've had to field serious complaints if we didn't include this raunchy, sexual assault-turned cheeseball sex scene from some straight-to-DVD Kelly Brook vehicle. You'd be amazed how many fans this actress has...

Beach Sex

2. Fast Times At Ridgemont High. The two sex scenes with Jennifer Jason Leigh in this movie take place outdoors (one, in a semi-private changing room; the other, a baseball dugout), but they're clearly overshadowed by this sex-free fantasy sequence that would be our #1... if... only... she would touch someone... anyone...

Phoebe Cates-Fast Times At Ridgemont High

1. Domino. We're pretty sure it doesn't happen like this in the original cut of the movie (or any official cut, for that matter), but the homemade repeition is an addition we're thankful for.

Keira-knightley Having Sex Outdoors

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Chloe Sevigny Would Like More Topless Sex Scenes, Please

Happy Belated Birthday to Porn Star Ginger Lynn

Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Photos: Nude Animal Rights Protesters from Spain (Who Don't Seem to Be Making a Difference)

Scanner Matt — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 16:50:00 GMT

Now we're all for loving animals (just look at Scanner Verena's dog and elephant BFF post below) and we're all for stylish public displays of nudity, but we don't think anyone's going to stop the circus ("No Mas Circos Con Animales") like this.

Thundercats!

We actually came across our old Le Tigre t-shirt the other day.

Not sure what animals these people are supposed to be... (probably bulls, but no horns?)

Drama!

Italians!

And then there's the previously posted naked caged animal protesters of Louisiana if you're still not convinced the circus is evil.

Related:

Caged Heat: PETA Takes Topless Roadshow To Louisiana

Best Naked Music Video of the Year

High Class College Hooker: No One Understands Me

Never Pay for Porn Again

[image]

No, Wait, the Lithuanian Playboy Calendar Is What We Really Wanted

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 15:50:00 GMT

The year's almost over and we came this close to missing out on the best all-female nude calendar of 2009... oddly enough, it's one photographer's set for Lithuanian Playboy...

Here we present the best of the best, plus...

...one outtake, which you won't see anywhere else.

All photos via photographer Gediminas Zilinskas, whose website is here and features a tremendous selection of tasteful nudes.

Related:

Top 5 Sex Scenes From... 2007

Sexy Priest: The 2009 Calendar... From the Vatican

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Australians Fight Back Against Potential Topless Sunbathing Ban

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 22:06:00 GMT

It seems that for their next act of mass censorship, the conservative movement plans to rally around is a ban on topless sunbathing. (Of course, they're only banning women from tanning without tops.) In New Zealand, young boys protest the "sick" naked breasts they've seen on beaches. In Australia, a battle has raged for days about one Christian conservative's proposal to ban women from baring their boobs at the beach...

Reverend Fred Nile, a leader of the Christian Democratic Party, angrily denounced the decades-old practice of many an Australian female, requesting a law be specifically passed that prevented the women from going topless. Immediately, the measure gained traction among other conservatives on the legislature in New South Wales, to the point where the story made front page news around the world yesterday and Australians (men, mostly) panicked. Others chastised the law in vicious blog comments, which ranged from "don't these people have anything better to legislate" to "what a bunch of sexist morons-- welcome to the Nanny State." In fact, they didn't go far enough in chastising these backwards morons, although the public uproar of the past 24 hours has quelled the argument... for now.

While leaders of the two major parties in NSW have said they would not pass such a law, they are going to leave it up to individual towns, which may not be so levelheaded. Nonetheless, we'll either protest those poor decisions or celebrate their defeat with the following photos, none of which show any onlookers to have had their eyes burned out by (an imaginary) God or little kids to be traumatized for life. It's perfectly natural-- and if men can do it, it's nothing but blatant sexism if one puts a stop to the practice...

As you can see, this is a perfectly normal, well-rounded, natural occurence. Now, should we show you topless men-- those photos might not meet the same qualifications...

Related:

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Cops Stripped Of Duties After Wild Hooker Party

Who Would You Rather: Topless JFK vs. Topless Obama

Wino Goes Topless and We Say No No No

Really? The Sexiest Commerical Ever Made?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 20:01:00 GMT

Is this (VERY NSFW) Danish commercial "the sexiest ever made," as one blog has claimed? Well, it's either that or the stupidest. Hell, it could even be Robert Palmer's final, posthumously-released music video.

Remember our complaint the other day about American Apparel's nude Sasha Grey ad and how it was basically porn with an unrelated ad slapped on the end of it? Yep... this is a Siemens Washing Machine commercial.

(By the way, that tagline at the end? It translates to: "Life over the edge.")

Related:

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Your Frenemy's Christmas Gift: The Artifical Virginity Hymen

Kansas City Mayor Loves His Wife (Too Much?)

Exclusive: The 2009 Playboy Calendar Revealed

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 22:33:00 GMT

I know, I know... wall calendars are already on the bargain shelves at Barnes & Noble, so how is this new?

Hey, if you don't want to save $10 and see the photos for free, don't click the "Read more..." next time. Here are a few of our favorite ~~thongs~~ Miss Monthlies, beginning with June, then hitting up September, October, and December.

You can purchase the full calendar for a mere ten George Washington's, via this link, at Playboy.com.

48-Year-Old Carol Alt Finally Does Playboy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

To wrap up the week in nudity, we had to decide between Keri Russell's creepy shoot for Details or the Carol Alt Playboy photos. There's no question that Carol's are hotter... but is it a mirage, a Photoshopping miracle or is the former supermodel as bodacious* as ever?

You can buy a copy of the December issue of Playboy here.

*Forgive us for using that word, but we were just reading a story about how Keanu Reeves thinks a Bill & Ted sequel is possible. We really want to write that-- sort of like the Rocky Balboa for the dumb comedy set.

Related:

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

Dita Von Teese in German Playboy - the Sequel

The Cleveland Cavaliers Cheerleader Photo Scandal Is Silly, Still Hot

Top 5 Nude Scenes of 2008

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:17:00 GMT

Seth Rogen must have had a little too much fun making Zack and Miri Make a Porno (which we haven't seen but our mom just loved), because he's now trying to develop a "porno-based" comedy for Showtime.

Rogen and production partner Evan Goldberg are developing a comedy series for the pay cabler about three twentysomethings who learn about life and love while running a pornography shop.

Rogen and Goldberg will exec produce the as-yet untitled project.

Matthew Bass, who is credited as an assistant to both comedy filmmakers on "Pineapple Express" and "Superbad," will pen the script and co-exec produce.

Wow, what a departure from everything else Seth Rogen has done!

But really, who are we kidding trying to make fun of this guy? We'd do him in a second....

[Variety: Rogen, Showtime team on comedy]

Related:

Trailer: "Zach and Miri Make a Porno"

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What Does LiLo Have Against ScarJo?

Emily Farris — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 22:09:00 GMT

We love Brian Williams and we love food courts (our first job was at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center, yo) so it should come as no surprise that we really love that NBC's Brian Williams loves to eat in food courts. [Parade]

Disney meal ticket Miley Cyrus was killed by a drunk driver over the weekend. Except totally not at all! [MTV]

Michael Jackson is being sued by the future king of Bahrain after Jackson supposedly backed out of a recording contract. [Radar]

How much fashion is really involved in the Victoria's Secret fashion show? Because we just see lots of skin. [NY Daily News]

Did you know that Scarlett Johansson was the inspiration behind Katy Perry's "I Kissed a Girl?" [People]

Could that be why Lindsay Lohan is no fan of Scarlett Johansson. Probably not. Two years after LiLo wrote some nasty words about ScarJo on a New York bathroom stall, Johansson still has no idea why LiLo hates her. [Us]

The Results Are Not In... For This "Who Would You Rather?"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 21:56:00 GMT

A couple weeks ago, we gave you a Who Would You Rather: Stacey Dash vs. Rachelle Leah: Playboy Edition. For the first time in the history of humanity, the results were tied at 44% (12% voted for a tie, but that's a copout.)

We won't let this die... see more evidence, after the jump...

Stacey Dash

Rachelle Leah

To vote (and enjoy more photographic comparisons, nsfw), click here.

Related:

Who Would You Rather? Rachelle Leah vs. Stacey Dash Playboy Spreads

Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

What's It Like Having Strangers Eat Off Your Naked Body?

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Some of the Hottest Women in the Country All Got Naked Together

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 17:12:00 GMT

For 40 smackers (in today's, you know, perfect economy), a copy of Timothy White's Hollywood Pinup could be yours. And, let us say, based on all available evidence, it would surely be worth your bottom dollar.

However, you would do almost as well just to see all the best photos from its steamy pages, after the jump...

Batting first is Angie Harmon, who we're pretty sure voted for John McCain yesterday. Luckily for her, she has other redeeming ass-pects to her personality...

Up next is the always jailbait-looking 23-year-old Michelle Trachtenberg:

Kate Hudson, you probably have a pretty decent personality, but how can we pay any attention to that when you pose for see-through ass shots?

You can see Susan Sarandon here and a nearly-butt-naked Rebecca DeMornay here. Meanwhile, we'll leave you with Mary-Kate Olsen... who normally we want nothing to do with. (We're in that minority of guys who think it's creepy to lust after the Olsen twins. Nonetheless, enjoy!)

Ah... now we get it.

While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

About Last Night: Pictures from the Nerve and Hendrick's Gin Burlesque Party

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 03:11:00 GMT

In case you hadn't gathered it from our slightly groggy yet not terribly hungover posts late this morning, Nerve and Hendrick's Gin threw what we're calling a crazy burlesque party (though "the best night ever" has also been thrown around) at The Box. You may recognize The Box as Chuck Bass' club on Gossip Girl and we will remember it as the place where anything we may or may not have done doesn't count. It was easy for things like that to happen when delicious cucumber and rose water infused Hendrick's cocktails were free flowing and everyone looked amazing.

After the jump: Nerve's publisher, Rufus Griscom and his wife, Alisa Volkman, World Famous Bob with photographer George Pitts, a little person with a big bottle of gin, Angie Pontani emerging from a bathtub full of Hendrick's and Scanner Emily's butt. See if you can guess which one it is; all we'll say is that Slutoween came a little early for us this year.

MORE PICTURES HERE.

All Images by Nikola Tamindzic/Home of the Vain unless otherwise noted.

Agatha Wasilewska

Also:

The New York Insider: And They Partied Like it Was 1899

Fishbowl: What Recession? Nerve Parties Like It's 1929

Scanner Brian May Not Be Posting Lolcats...

We're Still Getting It Together This Morning...

Naked Women of Curling... 2008!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 18:26:00 GMT

Can you believe it's been three years since photographer Ana Arce founded the Women of Curling calendar and caused millions around the world to sit up and exclaim, "Wait, what the hell is curling again?"

Now Arce is back, with what, based on these exclusive snaps, promises to be her best year ever...

First, we present you the photographer herself, who is a Spanish curler and may have been our Crush of the Week if that alleged hacker hadn't stolen Scanner Emily's heart...

...followed by a few favorites from the past and present calendars...

On the safe for work end, we particularly enjoy this mermaid... and less sfw, this tree dweller.

You can check out all of the models at Arce's page announcing the calendar. Her press release states that the 2009 fundraiser edition, entitled Fire On Ice, is available now via Curling News... and, best of all, it's a whopping 36 months long...

All photos by Ana Arce.