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It Was 15 Years Ago Today

Colleen Kane — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 19:01:00 GMT

Kurt Cobain's body was found in Seattle a decade and a half ago today.

Unfortunately, every time I think of the shock of hearing that news via my college radio station, I recall how awful the radio announcer was. She was a fellow DJ with aspirations to make it as a radio personality, but she lacked anything resembling a personality, and even used a fake last radio name "Winters" instead of her more ethnic-sounding name. So when she announced this news, it was in her constantly smiling radio voice, plus she didn't really like music so she didn't care.

Anyway! One media personality who was appropriately somber about the loss back in April 1994 was Kurt Loder, who covered the developing story as MTV's 9-11, which it kind of was. A recycled eulogy for Cobain (from the 10-year anniversary) by Loder is up on MTV.com.

And meanwhile, The Courtney Love Show continues lumbering and sputtering along to its own cacophonic tune.

Courtney is preparing a lawsuit to reclaim $30 million in cash looted from the estate of Kurt Cobain. An additonal $500 million was scammed in real-estate investment ventures, says an article on E! Online. "There are now Kurts and Courtneys and Franceses spelled different ways that allegedly own properties all over the country that were bought by Kurt's assets," said Courtney's attorney. What this means, and who Courtney is suing have not yet been specified.

But she berated anyone who didn't understand the ins and outs of the coming lawsuit in her MySpace blog. An excerpt:

do you UNDERSTAND?
DO YOU UNDERFUCKINGSTAND?

to show you much else would make you start singing i dont know,....Metallica? am i speaking to BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD?
HAVE YOU EVER READ A BOOK?

ONE?

You're also welcome to try to make head or tail of her Tweets. Courtney tweeted more than 50 times yesterday, and not one of the messages makes sense.

Related:

From the Annals of "Sassy": Kurt Cobain Wore an Engagement Ring

C-Love in HEEB's Wasted Issue

Sloppy Seconds: Courtney Love's Bizarre Death Rant

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:34:00 GMT

That girl from Twilight will play Joan Jett in a still unnamed film about The Runaways. [AfterEllen]

The saddest thing we've seen all day: 11 extinct animals that have been photographed alive. [EcoWorldly]

The most depressing thing we've seen all day: the unfolding story of the hostage situation in Binghamton, NY. [CNN]

We (read: Scanner Emily) still need your 10 stars. Real bad. Because we need $200. Real bad. Pretty please? [MissedTees]

We (read: Scanner Collen) still need you to vote for our dream photography assignment. Because we also need $50,000. Real bad. Pretty please? [Name Your Dream Assignment]

Now all three of your Scanners are on Twitter, even though only one of us stays true to the Scanner name. [Scanner Emily, Scanner Colleen, Scanner Brian]

Remember yesterday when Madonna threw a party to celebrate an adoption that hadn't yet been approved? Um, yeah. Maybe not the best idea she ever had. [Us]

Apparently there was a fractured penis scene in last night's ER finale. Was it a swipe at Grey's Anatomy? [The Remote Island]

On April 11 Alternative Nation Countdown Takeover, a show on Sirius radio, will premiere new solo material from Rivers Cuomo that features Jason Schwartzman Rainn Wilson. Weird. Cool. [Rolling Stone]

According to a post on her MySpace blog this morning (obviously not written by her) Amy Winehouse is hard at work on her third album. We'll believe it when we hear it. Either way, we thought you'd enjoy seeing this picture again. [MySpace]

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

"My dog humped your leg. I wanted to."

Support a Scanner or Two

[Image, Image]

MySpace Announces: Weddng'd!

Colleen Kane — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 17:00:00 GMT

I just signed in to the old MySpaceroo for the first time this month, and found an invite to participate in a new reality series called Married on MySpace.

The prize is a free wedding and these times are very tough, also I met my groom-to-be on MySpace, so I gave the series trailer a whirl. While watching I realized that MySpace is about to punk someone with the worst wedding ever.

Married on MySpace Trailer

"An Intimate Affair...Planned by Millions of Your Closest Friends." That's right: they're leaving every detail of the wedding up to the hoi polloi on MySpace. Because we all know what wise decisions tend to get acted out on MySpace. The winners should probably expect an all-caps, misspelled, OMGLOLWTF wedding.

Married on Myspace

Related:

But Can You Get Gay Married in Space?

You Know Your Wedding Was A Blast When You Were Both Tasered... Twice

Reason #467 Why We Love Librarians: "Uncle Bobby's Wedding"

14-Year-Old Girl Arrested For Possession of Child Pornography

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 17:54:00 GMT

A fourteen-year-old New Jersey girl faces up to 17 years in prison and lifetime membership into the Sex Offenders registry after police found her to be in possession of child pornography, including some graphic, full-frontal nude photos.

Of course, there's much more to the story than just that...

A message like the one seen above now takes up most of the unidentified girl's MySpace Pictures folder. It is believed, based on early reports, that the teen posted more than two dozen nude photos of herself to her profile, mainly for her boyfriend to see. How anyone could still think they're going to get away with this with all the buzz about people being arrested for sexting is beyond us. Why anyone would post the photos on a public profile with the intent of one person seeing them is way beyond our capacity of understanding. Which is why the only explanation is that this girl is too young to know any better, and therefore, she should not be going through this:

The teen, whose name has not been released because of her age, was arrested and charged with possession of child pornography and distribution of child pornography. She was released to her mother's custody.
If convicted of the distribution charge, she would be forced to register with the state as a sex offender under Megan's Law, said state Attorney General Anne Milgram. She also could face up to 17 years in jail, though such a stiff sentence is unlikely.

You'll note that Milgram is not saying, "Wait a minute, the pictures are of herself? And she's only 16? Um, yeah, we'll be knocking this down a misdemeanor, no question." Idiot.

Meanwhile, the mother whose daughter is the basis for Megan's Law said the girl should absolutely not be prosecuted. This is really a no-brainer, New Jersey. Taking the photos down and giving her a severe reprimand would have been enough...

More via the Associated Press/Google.

Related:

Purity Boot Camp

Woman Gives Her Laptop to Cops in Hopes They'll Bust Her Ex...

X-Rated Industry Can't Keep it Up

College Sex Mags Making Their Way Through Connecticut

Guess Where the Most Online Porn Subscribers Live?

Woman Is Shocked To Discover That Porn Is Disgusting

While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Finally Speaks Out About Brad Pitt

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:12:00 GMT

A rabbi says he was able to conquer his fear of Nazis... by playing Call of Duty.

First, it was Bob Dole with the Tarantino movies. Now, it's Gary Sinise and Redacted. Why is it the conservatives always attack movies they haven't even seen?

Chris Brown and Rihanna are... writing a book? And it's about domestic abuse?!

Let The Right One In and Milk were released on DVD yesterday. Both are highly recommended.

Jennifer Aniston said she will "always love Brad Pitt" and hopes that they'll be friends again someday.

Oh no... Jamie Lynn Spears is planning to enter a recording studio to make a country album.

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are working it out. Sorry, dudes.

There are over 2,000 registered sex offenders on MySpace... 2,000 registered sex offenders just from North Carolina. In other news, people are still "on" MySpace.

And is Jim Cramer the meanest, loudest, most awful crybaby? Well, no, that's Bill O'Reilly, but Cramer does come pretty close at times.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

Sloppy Seconds: Wanda Sykes Says "I Do"

John & Jen's Perfectly in-Character Sexy Role Play

While You Were Sleeping: John Mayer vs. Jimmy Fallon?

Video: Streaker Getting Himself in Trouble

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 18:37:00 GMT

The Internet is helping bored teenagers make their typical teenage bad moves in front of unprecedented audiences.

Take 18-year-old Brandon Krueger, who went for a streak in his local mall in Port Charlotte, FL.

His pals made the following NSFW video of the stunt, which takes a while to get going, but ends in contagious whoops and yells. This video promptly went up on Brandon's MySpace profile, though now it's gone, but the attention it drew on LiveLeak included the authorities.

And now he's facing potential misdemeanor charges.

The One Time Streaking Wasn't So Funny

Lady Streaker Scores a Goooooooooal!

Craigslist Behaving Badly

Colleen Kane — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 22:16:00 GMT

Two Craiglist ads have been making the rounds. First, a prank by a Texas man on his 21-year-old female co-worker (who spurned him), which may lead to harassment charges. He put up an ad pretending to be her, including a photo taken from her MySpace profile, offering to have sex with anyone who responded on Valentine's Day. She got over 200 offers by phone that day and although the ad was pulled down, she was still getting calls yesterday. Guess some guys had to work their courage up to proposition a stranger for sex.

So that was mean. But the next one falls into the "fake victimless boredom laffs" category on Craigslist.

(Click to enlarge.)

Wait a minute. Does this mean that not every ad posted on Craiglist is real?

The Funniest Craigslist Personal Ever?

Where to Find a Craigslist Missed Connection in Alaska

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Lily Allen

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 21:09:00 GMT

Lily Allen, I don't know your music. Lily Allen, I'm not even sure why you're famous-- I believe there were some hit singles a few years back and your most recent song is #1 in Britain right now. But #1 hits don't mean anything these days... you really need a good topless scandal... or a pregnancy... or a public spat with Elton John...

Okay, you've done all those things...

Your topless scandal was boring though, since you had died your hair a hideous blond tint. The fight with Elton John was in poor taste because you expressed your tacky love for cocaine. But all is forgiven, Lily Allen, because you have gone back to being incredibly hot.

Last night, Lilly performed at the Bowery Ballroom in New York City as part of one of those fake "secret shows" MySpace has been doing. (Remember MySpace? It was that thing that was hot that one time?) She wore a dress that revealed so little, even this pervy photographer for Brooklyn Vegan couldn't get a crotch shot. And that's just another reason for us to love her all the more...

Via BrooklynVegan.

Related:

Lily Allen Has Something to Show You

Lily Allen Invents Another Use for Google

Enterprising Teenager Amasses Collection of Solicited Nude Photos

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen in the Fight of Her Life

Facebook Quickly Becoming the Raging Cesspool MySpace, Friendster Could Only Hope to Be

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:48:00 GMT

Have you seen this message on Facebook: "[Friend's Name Here] is in serious trouble!!!"

Most likely, it's a Nigerian scammer talking...

Here's a report from America's most distrusted source of fake news, finally writing about something we care about while it's still happening:

"Bryan NEEDS HELP URGENTLY!!!"
His online friends saw the message and came to his aid. Some posted concerned messages on his public profile -- "What's happening????? What do you need?" one wrote. Another friend, Beny Rubinstein, got a direct message saying Rutberg had been robbed at gunpoint in London and needed money to get back to the United States.
So, trying to be a good friend, Rubinstein wired $1,143 to London in two installments, according to police in Bellevue, Washington.
Meanwhile, Rutberg was safe at home in Seattle.

Beny is such a great guy and a super friend, he's not even furious about his friend having fallen for a phising e-mail or having a weak password, causing him to lose his life savings. He's just glad that he didn't lose his friend Bryan Rutberg.

Several of our friends have changed their status updates to say: "Don't send me money" or "Someone hacked my account-- I'm not in trouble, I'm here at my shit job, as usual." Has anyone else had an experience like this?

Via CNN.

Related:

Enterprising Teenager Amasses Collection of Solicited Nude Photos

Facebook Full of Refugee Pervs From MySpace?

This Kid Is Sooo Wasted...

The Best Sendup of Facebook Yet

Facebook Full of Refugee Pervs From MySpace?

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 20:19:00 GMT

MySpace revealed today that they removed 90,000 registered sex offenders from the site over the past two years. But it's not like that can stop them from using social networking sites -- and where to go next? How about the social networking site that has profiles of everyone and their mothers: Facebook.

John Cardillo, a former NYC cop has the job of helping MySpace, Bebo and others identify sex offenders. One article says Cardillo calls Facebook a safe haven for these preverts. With an initial search, he's already found close to 8500 registered sex offenders on Facebook.

Facebook was not pleased with these accusations, and the above-cited article has already been updated twice with their responses:

"We have devoted significant resources to developing innovative and complex systems to proactively monitor the site and its users, including those not on a sex offender registry, for suspicious activity (such as contacting minors or users of predominantly one gender).
We also have established a large team of professional investigators to evaluate any reports of potential abuse, including those surfaced by our systems or from our users. We have been working proactively with states’ attorneys general to run their lists of registered sex offenders against our user base. Our team uses various internal tools to automatically find matches. Any potential matches are evaluated more fully by our internal team of investigation professionals.

If we find that someone on a sex offender registry is a likely match to a user on Facebook, we notify law enforcement and disable the account. In some cases, law enforcement has asked us to leave the accounts active so that they may investigate the user further."

Still, new parents might want to think twice before posting those baby and toddler pictures as viewable to the general public.

Related:

MySpace: Over, Sam and Lilo: Not

Blogger Reveals Facebook is 64% Female; Experience Reveals MySpace is 95% Jackasses

How Not to Use the Internet After Committing a Crime

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 14:46:00 GMT

Facebook and MySpace have been leading cops to crooks for years. Recently, one woman turned in a guy she was about to go on a first date with because she found discovered, via a web search, that he had an FBI warrant out for his arrest.

This story is the first case we've heard of where the suspect initially incriminated himself by performing a Google search...

A San Francisco investment banker with quite a history of DUIs was out driving on January 11th 2005 when he hit, and killed 55-year-old Gurdeep Kaur. Lee Harbert, the driver fled the scene.

The story that Mr Herbert stuck to was that he hit a deer. Releasing him from the need to stop and assist with whatever he had just ran over. Originally police reports were for a burgandy Jaguar, and Lee’s was black. No way it could have been him.

The cops weren't sure he was their man, since his car had been cleaned up...

Police later searched his house and computer. They searched his recent queries in Google and found these recent search terms: “auto parts, auto dealers out-of-state; auto glass, Las Vegas; auto glass reporting requirements to law enforcement, auto theft.” [Yeah, That's Odd]

But that's not what will ultimately convict the guy. Harbert's later search included the words "hit and run," followed by his looking up a news story about his own hit and run. Of course, we've heard plenty of instances of teachers, already arrested, being convicted of sex with underage students after their internet histories revealed such memorable phrases as "sex laws between teachers and students" and "laws against underage sex." But this is definitely the first case we can think of where a guy was arrested because of his internet searches.

By the way, the guy is now serving three years in the pen.

Related:

MI Teacher Wants You to Burn the Sheets After Hot Sex

Teacher Sex Craze Spreads to the U.K.

To Catch a Teacher, Brooklyn Edition

Scanner Roundtable: If We Tweet, Will You Follow?

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:19:00 GMT

"Scanner Emily just downed half a box of Thin Mints, does not feel thin."

Hey Scanner Readers. Some of you out there are geeky enough to Twitter, right? You see, we've been trying really, really hard to avoid Twittering. After our drunken, ill-fated, misspelled attempt in Vegas we decided we were pretty much done with it. But we never deleted the account and have been secretly, quietly, shamefully "following" people. Now that we log on, say, once a day to find out what the Tweet is up, we're thinking about maybe, possibly trying it out in the real world. Because as we just learned, we have no power over Girl Scout cookies, and apparently none over technology either. But, really, does anyone even give a flying Tweet?

Related:

It's Friday the 13th and Scanner Emily is About to Board a Plane to Vegas

How Internet Famous Are You?

Surviving a Plane Crash, via Twitter

Twitter Gets Hacked, Or: Exactly How Large Is Britney's Vagina?

Teacher Takes In A 13-Year-Old Boy-- You Know What Happens Next...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 16:58:00 GMT

Debra LaFavre and the rest of the kooky teacher pervs have nothing on 29-year-old Boston-area teacher Christine McCallum for one simple reason.

They never got to live with their victim and sleep with him more than three hundred times. According to news reports from all over the world, McCallum became a sort-of foster parent to a thirteen-year-old boy after his father was unable to take care of a kid by himself. McCallum and her husband (yep-- seems every perv these days has a spouse of only a few short years) took in the future victim and his brother in late 2005; by early the following year, police allege, McCallum was plying her charge with vodka and seductive attire, leading to makeout sessions and, on February 7th, the taking of his virginity.

This went on for two years-- including sex in the next room while Scott, who was only McCallum's husband for two years when the affair is believed to have begun-- until McCallum and the boy broke up over text messages the boy was receiving from girls his own age. Yes, this is one of those idiots who is said to have given her victim his own cellphone and even wrote incriminating details about their love lives on his MySpace page:

"It's hard to be in love with you and set boundaries for you," she wrote. "It's hard to kiss you and tell you no. It's hard to want someone to take care of me when I have to be the one taking care of everyone else."

You would think someone would've seen that and called the cops-- but it wasn't until a teenage friend of the victim told his own parents what was going on that the police got involved. And the obliviousness doesn't stop there-- McCallum's husband attended court with the accused, never batting an eye, even as prosecutors read damning evidence (most of it in McCallum's own hand) into the record...

Via various sources.

Related:

To Catch a Teacher, Brooklyn Edition

Florida Teacher Says, "Oh, THAT Student I Molested In 1983... He Was 16, It Was Okay"

This Week in Hot for Teacher News: Another Sexy Teacher Gets Sexy With a Student

While You Were Sleeping: Adam Sandler Loses

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Five banks were robbed on Monday in New York City. So far, no Depression-style Bonnie and Clyde types have emerged from these robberies or any others during the economic collapse.

Roland Burris, a former Attorney General, has been appointed as Obama's Illinois replacement in the Senate.

What is up with a country that starts putting diapers on its animals? Egypt, you have a lot of living to do.

Remember Tiffany Shepherd? She was the teacher who claimed to have been fired for having sexy pictures on her MySpace and a supposedly risque moonlighting gig. Now she's been arrested for harassing her ex's new girlfriend.

Never mind Jennifer Aniston, who took a backseat to a dog in that Marley movie anyway, Clint Eastwood and Tom Cruise were the surprise winners at the box office this weekend. The loser? Adam Sandler.

A soldier is suing the military for its "Christian bias."

Warner Brothers and Fox are unable to see eye to eye on the Watchmen movie, which means it may not be released any time soon.

And Iranian students, upset at Britain's support for Israel, stormed the UK's embassy in their country.

Related:

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Top 10 Reasons To Watch 30 Rock

More Pictures Released from Jennifer Aniston's Naked 'GQ' Spread

While You Were Sleeping: Mexican Beauty Queen Stripped... Of Her Title

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

KFC Employees Found Finger Lickin' Clean in the Kitchen

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:17:00 GMT

Two KFC employees have been fired in Anderson, CA after photographs of them with another female employee bathing in the fast food chain's kitchen sink were posted on MySpace in an album titled "KFC Moments." Captions included "haha KFC showers!" and "haha we turned on the jets." Haha. We bet you did.

We have two things to say about this: 1. it's going to be a long time before we eat at KFC again (not that any of the food even sees the sink before it goes into our mouths) and 2. we are so, so glad MySpace didn't exist when we 14 and working at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center.

Some of the KFC Moments—which we really hope are not kiddie porn—after the jump.

All the grease in those sinks has got to be bad for their skin, no? And why were only two fired? Perhaps the third was banging the manager.

Related:

Sophie Monk Has A KFC Relapse

Sloppy Seconds: Topless Chicks Arrested At KFC

PETA and the Real Dolls

Who Would You Rather: 50 Cent vs. Taco Bell

[Image]

MySpace: Over, Sam and Lilo: Not

Emily Farris — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 16:11:00 GMT

According to Michael Wolff, MySpace is so over. Though we can't quite bring ourselves to bury our profile next to the Friendster grave, we knew that a long time ago. But it seems Lindsay Lohan just got the memo. What does this mean for the world? Well, for one, maybe she won't be posting so many newsworthy MySpace blog posts and two, maybe she'll be our friend on Facebook.

If the rumor mill is right (and when is it not?) Lilo is posting on the "Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson" group on Facebook under the pseudonym "Bella Vita" and she would like you to know that she and Sam are not breaking up.

With the subject line "not breaking up" one Miss Vita posted the following message:

"Tabloids and people tell lies- they always wanna see everything and anything good come to an end. duh"

Sounds like Lindsay to us.

We think this is the group in question. We'd join to see the post for ourselves, but we don't want our friends to see that shit.

[Silicon Alley Insider: Michael Wolff: MySpace And Its Braindead Users Are Going To Zero]

[MollyGood: Lindsay Lohan Loves Facebook and Samantha Ronson]

Related:

Since When Did Lindsay Lohan's Blog Posts Constitute Hard Hitting News?

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's "Secret Talent" Was Buried Forever

When Drinking and Technology Don't Mix: Scanner Emily's Facebook Faux Pas

"The Real World: Facebook" or Scanner Emily vs. The Mormons

MySpace Actually Good For Something After All...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 14:44:00 GMT

Pretend for a minute that you actually still use MySpace and care about its survival.

After a week that ended with the near vindication of the horrible woman who drove her daughter's enemy to suicide-via-MySpace, you'd be forgiven for just wanting Tom & Co. to pack up and shut the servers down. But you might want to reevaluate the validity of the world's #1 social networking hub in the wake of this hilarious "WTF?" story from California. Today's tale involves two pranksters, a creepy teacher, and the beauty of the internet...

In Petaluma, CA, a 34-year-old teacher named Scott Eugene Dietlin has been arrested for trying to get it on with Jackie, a 15-year-old girl. How did he get caught? It turns out that two local kids created Jackie's MySpace account just for fun, and "Jackie" is a figment of their imagination. When Dietlin deigned to send a message to the lovely young girl, he was met with what he thought was playful resistance. In actuality, the two guys were just having a laugh, seeing if this idiot actually kept contacting "Jackie."

When they realized he wasn't going to stop, the heroic fifteen-year-olds called in the five-oh... and when Dietlin showed up for his date... now has to say bye-bye to his job and, eventually, liberty.

MySpace might be good for something after all...

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Courtney Love's Bizarre Death Rant

Mom Films Her Boyfriend Having Sex with Her 13-Year-Old Daughter

Sloppy Seconds: Flavor of the Week

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

While You Were Sleeping: When MySpace Attacks...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 14:52:00 GMT

An eldery woman in Evanston, Illinois couldn't bear to part with her three siblings after their deaths. Turns out, she decided to keep their bodies in her home...and got away with it for a quarter of a century.

Natalie Portman was kinda wasted on the Letterman show the other night.

One of our favorite country music legends has lung cancer...

Country singer Merle Haggard, recently diagnosed with lung cancer, had part of a lung removed and is recovering at home, his spokeswoman said on Sunday. [Yahoo!]

Evan Rachel Wood and Marilyn Manson... not totally broken up?

As if MySpace wasn't going downhill already: now it's censoring one of the only pages anyone would ever actually sign in to MySpace to read.

A nationwide protest of California's Proposition 8 will take place on Saturday the 15th. Do not miss this.

And Nicole Kidman is playing "the world's first post-op transsexual," who is married to a woman played by "Charlize Theron." Yum.

Related:

How The World Watches Porn Now

Top 5 Sex Scenes Featuring Nicole Kidman

Top 5 Sex Scenes From "Chick Flicks"

Sloppy Seconds: Charlie Sheen Denies Enjoying Endless Lapdances

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Comedies

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Get Scurrred

Since When Were Any Pictures of Anyone Born After 1990 Considered "Vintage?"

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 15:22:00 GMT

Or.... when did we get old?

Is it us, or should the words "vintage" and "MySpace" never, ever appear in the same headline?

If you watch Gossip Girl (like we do, with no shame, thank you very much), you might be nominally interested in these "Vintage MySpace Pictures" of Taylor Momsen on this blog apparently put together by a 13-year-old. If like us, you were born before the 90's, you might be interested in why they're called "vintage?"

Maybe you're just a creepy old dude who wants to look at pictures of a 12-year-old-girl. In that case, stop right here, Mister!

[OceanUp: Taylor Momsen MYSPACE VINTAGE PICTURES]

Hot, Lesbian Action Coming to Gossip Girl

Cultural Clusterf*ck: Gossip Girl Meets 30 Rock

I Hate Myself For Loving You: Blake Lively

Sloppy Seconds: Those Boys From 'Gossip Girl,' Are They or Aren't They?

While You Were Sleeping: Is The CW Finished?

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 16:44:00 GMT

A South Carolina middle school teacher is in custody today after sexually assaulting a drunk 15-year-old girl from an area high school in his apartment.

He picked the girl up via MySpace, took her to his place, got her drunk, and had his way with her. The facts of the case are simple and the man is almost certainly guilty. But there's one thing we don't understand...

According to the local news:

...Craft told her that he was only 16 and wanted to meet her [and] she invited Craft to her Bishopville home.

Craft drove to Bishopville on Friday, picked up the girl at her home and drove her to his apartment, Metts said. The girl told deputies that she arrived at Craft's apartment at about 6:30pm on Friday.

The girl told deputies that she played card games with Craft, drank alcohol and had sex with him throughout the night.

The next morning, the girl left Craft's place and called the police...

We're sorry, but there's a big ? mark hanging over this girl's tale: what happened when the girl realized that her MySpace dude wasn't the teenager that he claimed, but a 47-year-old middle school teacher from another town? Did Craft lie to the girl and say he was taking the young lady to meet her 16-year-old boy? Did she just realize what was really going on and didn't care? Was she kidnapped or threatened? Something about this is very, very off, to say the least. Not that we're saying this guy is in any way innocent, but this girl better get her story together for the cops or otherwise, this perv is going to be back on the web, trolling for young ladies of the easy prey variety...

Via WISTV.

Related:

Ex-Teacher Argues Sex With Her Student Was Constitutional

Whatever... He's My Kind Of Criminal

Mom Gets Five Years In Prison For Going Down On Her Daughter's Friend

Arkansas Televangelist Busted For Child Sex Acts

While You Were Sleeping: Mark Foley's Replacement's Sex Scandal

Police Officer Busted For Trading Speeding Ticket For Sex

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson Would Like You to Know What They Think of Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Are Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson the next Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins?

Last week, the couple made sure we took a few minutes to recognize the seventh anniversary of September 11, and yesterday, Lilo and Sam posted a joint MySpace blog post ranting on the GOP veep nominee, Sarah Palin.

Full text after the jump...

UH OH!
Current mood: shocked

I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin.

I couldn't be more supportive of a woman in office, but let's face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female.

Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock?

I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor. Which is probably all she is qualified to be... Also interesting that she got her passport in 2006.. And that she is not fond of environmental protection considering she's FOR drilling for oil in some of our protected land.... Well hey, if she wants to drill for oil, she should DO IT IN HER OWN backyard. This really shows me her complete lack of real preparation to become the second most powerful person in this country.

Hmmmm-All of this gets me going-Fear, Anxiety, Concern, Disappointment, and Stress come into play...

Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?

I know that the most important thing about this election is that people need to exercise their right to vote, regardless of their choice... I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the "lipstick on a pig" comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president...

Palin's Desire to "save and convert the gays"-really??

According to this Associated Press story, the church of Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is hosting a kind of conference devoted to the "conversion of Gays" -- no kidding.

Here's the AP text:

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) ? Gov. Sarah Palin's church is promoting a conference that promises to convert gays into heterosexuals through the power of prayer.

You'll be encouraged by the power of God's love and His desire to transform the lives of those impacted by homosexuality," according to the insert in the bulletin of the Wasilla Bible Church, where Palin has prayed since she was a child.

Palin's conservative Christian views have energized that part of the GOP electorate, which was lukewarm to John McCain's candidacy before he named her as his vice presidential choice. She is staunchly anti-abortion, opposing exceptions for rape and incest, and opposes gay marriage and spousal rights for gay couples.

http://zennie2005.blogspot.com/2008/09/sarah-palins-church-hosts-anti-gay.html

I feel it's necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.

Women have come a long way in the fight to have the choice over what we do with our bodies... And its frightening to see that a woman in 2008 would negate all of that.

Oh, and...Hint Hint Pali Pal- Don't pose for anymore tabloid covers, you're not a celebrity, you're running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!

And in the words of Pamela Anderson, "She can suck it"..

--

Lindsay- "I have faith that this country will be all that it can be with the proper guidance. I really hope that all of you make your decisions based on the facts and what feels right to you in your heart-vote for obama!"

Samantha- "I love this country- however i wasn't born here and don't have the right to vote- so i beg of you all to really do your research and be educated when you cast your vote this coming november.... and if you're in doubt- vote for obama! Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won't get renewed!!!"

xoxo
Lindsay and Samantha

So far, the post has generated more than 1,000 comments. And we never thought we'd say this, but we couldn't agree more with LiLo.

[MySpace via Faded Youth]

Related:

Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

Who Would You Rather: Nude Sarah Palin vs. Nude Sarah Palin...

Caption This: Lindsay Lohan's Boobs And Sam Ronson's Eyeline

Lindsay Lohan: Lies My Father Told Me

Lindsay Lohan and Sam Ronson: "A Lovely Couple"

Sloppy Seconds: And Just How Will Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson Make a Baby?

Pervy Ex-Teacher In Ohio Gets Off... With Probation

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:46:00 GMT

Not her real photo.

An Ohio teacher was hot for student, sending him topless photos and hounding him via MySpace until his friends spoiled the fantasy...

On Monday, former middle school teacher Lisa Temsey was sentenced to five years' probation and is banned from working among children. If she violates that probation, her judge warned, Temsey would face 11 months away from even the sight of teenage boys.

Here's what Temsey did to deserve such treatment:

Temsey was teaching gifted students at East Canton Middle School last May when she was corresponding with a student via her MySpace page, said Katie Chawla, assistant Stark County prosecutor.

The boy, 14, was a former student who had moved out of state.

The discussion "changed from professional to a personal one, and she sent him a naked picture of her breasts," Chawla said.

The exchange came to light when she started talking to two of the boy's friends, Chawla said.

She probably annoyed the shit out of them, too, and was subsequently reported just so she could be gotten rid of. Maybe. Or maybe they just thought she wasn't that hittable*. (Seriously-- you're a fourteen-year-old boy: if a hot teacher hits on you, you try and keep it quiet, maybe; if a teacher you don't like or is not attractive hits on you, well. Let's just say that we've been in a somewhat similar situation at relatively the same age as the male victim here and the same thought went through our heads: "Well, if she was hot, we wouldn't mind. As is, I think I'm just going to block her IMs.")

As far as we can tell, this is a real photo of her, via her now-closed Facebook page:

Of course, it might be some other Lisa Temsey...

Via Canton Rep.

*Disclaimer: We're kidding. Sexual harassment is wrong. Unless you're James Franco or Kerry Washington.

While You Were Sleeping: The Madonna-Guy Ritchie Separation

Move Over Lazy Young People, Persephone Lewin's Day Puts Yours To Shame

Principal Fired For Convincing Student To Run Away With Him (Oh, And He's Charged With Rape, Too)

Female Teacher's Aide Guilty of Sex with 16-Year-Old Female Student

Return of the Gay Balls

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 15:40:00 GMT

Episode three of Gay Balls... a sort of Return of the Jedi's Johnson... or something.

Seriously, are you folks still watching? Let us know if we should keep posting these in our quick poll...

Thanks, Christopher! Click here if you missed Episode 2, see below for Episode 1.

Related:

Video of the Day: Gay Balls, Episode I

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Teacher Forced To Resign After Students Find His Gay Profile

This Week In Gayness: Man Gets 150 Days For Being Accessory To Gay Murder

Sloppy Seconds: Whose Illegitimate Half Sister is This?

Emily Farris — Tue, 01 Jul 2008 22:06:00 GMT

At first we got all excited about the Alanis Morissette karaoke contest but then we realized none of the songs were from Jagged Little Pill. [MySpace]

Did Anne Hathaway rat out her billionaire ex-boyfriend to the FBI? That is, at the same time, badass and deplorable. [The Blemish]

Angelina Jolie is apparently ready to pop those twins our of her sexy body... if she hasn't already. [FameCrawler]

It must be summer, summer, summertime! Will Smith and Jazzy Jeff have reunited, at least for the Hancock premiere. [People]

Uber-Christian Heidi Montag has just released her new single One More Drink: "I'm going home with you if I have one more drink." [Us]

Is this the missing link? Well, we mean the missing Lohan. And she's not really missing, she's just illegitimate. [ICYDK]

It's Always the Unsuspecting Girls Who Turn Out to be Crazy Christians

Angelina Jolie is Smoking Hot in Vanity Fair (In the Bathtub)

Celebrity Ink: Angelina Jolie's Tattoos Look Really Great Next to Her Breasts

Michael Lohan: The Only Person on Earth Who Won't See Lindsay Lohan's Breasts

Michael Lohan Sells Out Lindsay Once Again

Ex-Hooker Ashley Alexandra Dupre Speaks Out

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 16:37:00 GMT

Ashley Alexandra Dupre, seen most recently with her hot mom on the beach, finally broke her three-month silence on her MySpace blog...

FRIEND REQUEST’S
Current mood: thankful
Hey everyone...Let me just start by saying THANK YOU ALL, for your support!! I have not had the time to be on myspace that much...BUT I have been trying to get on here to approve pending friend requests and catch up on e-mails & comments. Sorry it is taking me so long!! All of my pending friend requests from 3/12 through now were deleted by myspace (if you do not approve them within a certain number of days, they get deleted) so...please please please re-send and you should be approved automatically. Again, thank you all so much for taking the time to send me a bit of strength and inspiration via email or comment, your words have touched me and I thank you for that...with all my heart, I love you guys!!! :) ...and to all the not so kind words...I love you too, because it makes me push myself and want it even more. "Hard times don't last...only strong people".

xxA

The Hookergate heroine went on to cite a dozen or so examples of fan mail she received in the form of MySpace messages and comments, all of which are generic ("just keep on being you," "you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen," etc.) What will Ashley do next? American Idol? A recording contract? A modeling career? What do you predict for the accidental celebrity?

Via MySpace.

Previous: Hey Ash, Long Time, No See (And Nice Tat!)

While You Were Sleeping: This Orangutang Surpassed Your IQ Level

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 13:12:00 GMT

The creepiest dude you never met held his own daughter hostage in his basement for 24 years and fathered seven children with her. [CNN]

MySpace karaoke might be a great idea if MySpace would ever fucking load on our computer. [Yahoo!]

Joe "Boobies" Francis is "very surprised and in fact amazed" that Ashley Alexandra Dupre is suing him. [Us Weekly]

Jamie Lee Curtis thinks that Miley Cyrus' parents should have protected her from the wrath of Vanity Fair. [People]

Okay, maybe the orangutang isn't smarter than us—yet!—but it is spear fishing. Can you do that? [Neatorama]

Madonna Wants You to Taste Her Hard Candy a Little Early

Emily Farris — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 14:57:00 GMT

Hey Madonna fans, if you're waiting until next week to get her new album "Hard Candy," wait no longer.

The album is now available for download on her MySpace page.

[People: Madonna Releases Her New Album Early]

Working at MySpace Sucks Just as Much as Working at Your Job

Emily Farris — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 19:58:00 GMT

If you also happen to work in a cubicle, that is. Other social networking sites have far cooler offices.

Like meebo.

Check out a ton of other office shots at officesnapshots.com.

P.S. Our office just got 600 thread count sheets.

Who the Hell is Spokeo and How Does He Have My Email Address?

Emily Farris — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 14:39:00 GMT

I, Scanner Emily, have been trying to make myself less "available" online. I've made my social networking profiles private, and deleted the ones I no longer use (so long, Friendster, the summer of '04 was rockin!). I even changed my phone number because it was just a little too easy to find online. I thought I was doing well, feeling kind-of anonymous and mysterious (you know, for a blogger) and then I received this email from "Spokeo":

As a courtesy, we are notifying you that Spokeo users have found the following accounts for you:

     Flickr ee**** on Flickr
     Amazon Emily ****** Farris's Wish List on Amazon
     Pandora emilyfarris on Pandora

If you would like to make these accounts private, please
change the privacy settings on the original network and
Spokeo will update its search results to reflect your changes.

To find your friends on Spokeo, signup now.
http://www.spokeo.com

First of all, I don't even know what Pandora is, and second of all, creepy? How did this program even get my email address? And what is it?

You want to know what it is? It's a website that makes it even easier for people to stalk you online. Not that we've not done our share of e-stalking, but we did it the old fashioned way with Google and MySpace. But this is your one stop stalker shop:

Do you know how many of your friends blog on MySpace or upload photos to Flickr? We don't think you do.

Spokeo searches popular networks for your friends' blogs, photos, videos and music. We guarantee you'll learn something new about your friends.
Do you know how many of your friends blog on MySpace or upload photos to Flickr? We don't think you do.

Spokeo searches popular networks for your friends' blogs, photos, videos and music. We guarantee you'll learn something new about your friends.

Gee, thanks, Spokeo. We'd write more but we have to go erase our electronic footprint.

[Spokeo]