Scanner : mustache

Bearded Man of the Week: Justin Vernon

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:37:00 GMT

We've heard Bon Iver's "Skinny Love" played all over the place for the last six months or so, always thinking we were listening to TV on the Radio. We should know better, considering Kyp Malone of TVOTR used to be our upstairs neighbor. But, apparently living close to coolness does not make one cool.

After discovering that the man singing was Justin Vernon we set out to learn one thing: does he have a beard? You fucking bet he does.

Watch these videos and tell us you're not in love with him, too:

We totally want him to put a baby in us. But just one.

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: Dr. Jack Shephard

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Bearded Man of the Week: Prince William

Bearded Man of the Week: There Could Only Be One

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

We Finally Found a Beard We Simply Cannot Endorse

Emily Farris — Fri, 23 Jan 2009 17:01:00 GMT

Did you ever think that we'd meet a beard we didn't love? Well, kids. Today we did.

We understand there are spiritual issues behind the length of this beard and by all means if you think God wants you to grow a beard, who are we to argue? But we just can't, er don't want to, imagine getting our feet all tangled up in this thing during sex:

via videosift.com

Bearded Men of the Week: Unshaven Bartenders in New York

I Hate Myself for Loving You: "Men in Trees"

Bearded Man of the Week: Dr. Jack Shephard

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 22:43:00 GMT

It's pretty obvious to everyone by this point that the LOST producers and writers have no idea what they're talking about. So we're not surprised that two of the producers last night called Dr. Jack Shephard's beard "gross." While we saw the beard in Season 4, it made a re-appearance in Season 5. And since stupid Ben Linus made Jack shave it off last night, we will honor the great beard that was, after the jump.

Yummy! Damn you, Benjamin Linus!

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

Our Bearded Man of Last Week Has Some Issues

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 19:07:00 GMT

So, we're starting to think we should just find a homeless dude to be our boyfriend. Because we're definitely not turned off by this picture of Joaquin Phoenix. In fact—well, never mind...

Anyway, that's not why we're posting it. The poor guy fell at a concert last week and after watching the video (after the jump) we want to just scoop him up and hug him. And maybe, just maybe, throw him in a shower to sober him up. But we're keeping the beard!

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

[via LadyThrills]

Bearded Men of the Week: Unshaven Bartenders in New York

Emily Farris — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 23:57:00 GMT

Last month, a slew of New York City bartenders decided to grow out their beards, just for the hell of it. Well, that and to make us rethink our rule against dating bartenders. And our decision to leave to leave New York.

Glorious hairy pictures after the jump...

[Time Out New York: Bear market indeed: Unshaven bartenders face off]

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: There Could Only Be One

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Bearded Man of the Week: Prince William

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

Bearded Woman of the Week: Erin Dollar

Bearded Man of the Week: Joaquin Phoenix

Emily Farris — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 22:37:00 GMT

We've always like Joaquin Phoenix just fine. We loved him in "Walk the Line" and even, shamefully, in "The Village." But we've never wanted to, you know, shove him into the nearest bathroom stall and rip his clothes of. Well, not until now, anyway. Joaquin grew a beard!

We pulled this image from Dlisted. They didn't like his beard as much over there, just look at what the image was named: http://www.dlisted.com/node/29980/images/joaquinishideous2.jpg

That's fine D, we'll take him at Scanner.

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: There Could Only Be One

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Bearded Man of the Week: Prince William

Bearded Woman of the Week: Erin Dollar

Bearded Man of the Week: Prince William

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 21:01:00 GMT

Sorry we're a little (okay, a lot) late on the Bearded Man this week. Believe it or not, we had a hard time coming up with one (send bearded men to scanner@nerve.com or straight to Scanner Emily in Kansas City!) until we saw this little headline: "POLL: What Do You Think of Prince William’s New Beard?"

Hot damn!

We think the beard is a vast improvement on his royal baby face. What do you think?

[People: POLL: What Do You Think of Prince William’s New Beard?]

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: There Could Only Be One

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Bearded Woman of the Week: Erin Dollar

Bearded Man of the Week: There Could Only Be One

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 19:12:00 GMT

I was busy moving into my new apartment yesterday so I wasn't able to post the bearded man of the week. But come on folks, this week it could really only be one guy—the ultimate bearded man...

Santa Claus!

No one rocks the beard better than Santa. His is the biggest, the longest and for being the biggest and the longest it is, by far, the cleanest. However, we're more partial to the natural look on Santa.

You?

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Bearded Woman of the Week: Erin Dollar

Better Than Porn: Whiskerino

[Image, Image]

Bearded Woman of the Week: Erin Dollar

Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 19:26:00 GMT

No, we have not run out of bearded men to feature here on Scanner after just three short weeks (even though we seem to have no access to them, the world is full of beautiful bearded men), but we did come across a bearded woman who is a little bit our soul mate and a lot our hero. Oh, also she's absolutely adorable, if you can believe it.

Okay, so she doesn't grow her own beard, but she puts more care into it than most men put into the scraggly mops on their faces (we love those, too). Plus we're all for putting more beards in the world, real or fake. And we're so adding one of Erin's beards to our Christmas list.

[Beards.]

[Beards on Etsy]

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Better Than Porn: Whiskerino

Bearded Man of the Week: Zach Galifianakis

Emily Farris — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 22:53:00 GMT

If there's one thing we love more than bearded men here at Scanner, it's funny bearded men. If there is more than one thing we love more than bearded men, the other is bearded men who are funny and also have bellies. What can we say? We like big, warm, cuddly, funny hairy dudes. Especially when it's "dangerously cold" outside.

That is why our Bearded Man of the Week is comedian Zach Galifianakis.

We're really sad the video cut out before the effeminate gay basher. Perhaps we could get him to do it for us in person before we go. We've seen Zach hanging out at the bar four doors down from our apartment, on multiple occasions, but have yet to stop in and say "hi." He's also friends with our old friend Bobby.

Anyway, Zach, keep the beard and the funny coming and we'll love you forever. Hell, even if you lose the funny, keep the beard (and the belly).

[zachgalifianakis.com]

Related:

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Better Than Porn: Whiskerino

I Hate Myself for Loving You: "Men in Trees"

New Issue of "Pinups" Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

[Image]

Caption This: George Clooney Thinks Maybe Just One More...

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 16:20:00 GMT

[Image]

Bearded Man of the Week: Sam Beam

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 16:24:00 GMT

Now that it's getting miserably cold outside—at least in Brooklyn—we're staring a new feature to keep us nice and warm here at Scanner (okay, really it's to keep me, Scanner Emily, from drying up...I like to objectify and fetishize men sometimes, you know?).

Each week, at least until we start showing some skin again, we're going to bring you a beautiful bearded man.

This week's bearded man is Sam Beam, the musical genius behind Iron & Wine...what we happen to listen to every day in the shower, er, every day that we shower (which is most days).

While he performs live with a band, Beam is pretty much a one-man act, at least when it comes to recording.

Listen. Love. Watch some women dance.

Sam Beam, we would like to dance for you.

[Iron & Wine]

Related:

New Issue of "Pinups" Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

I Hate Myself for Loving You: "Men in Trees"

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

"Pinups" Issue No. 5 Gets a 10

[Image, Image]

Scanner Highs and Lows: So Long, Good Luck, and Pass the Turkey

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 19:22:00 GMT

This week, we said goodbye to Scanner Nicole... and a few turkeys, most of which were killed by Sarah Palin's henchmen.

HIGHS:

Newsflash: Kim Cattrall looks great naked. Seriously, though, she's 52.

Nerve hosted another Hendricks Gin party, this time in San Francisco.

Maybe this turkey death story will scare a few people into becoming vegetarians.

Sweden is unintentionally funny.

There's still time for you to win a signed Elton John DVD.

And you can play "Guess The Stache: Democrat or Porn Star?" till the end of time.

LOWS:

Nicole left us, but like the musical career of Jay-Z, she'll be back someday...

Won't someone think of the Gyllenhaal children?

We'll have to think of a Dexter-worthy vigilante justice for upskirt photographers. You know, minus the whole killing and dismembering part of Dexter.

Speaking of pervs, they're lurking outside your local liquor store these days.

Joe the Plumber may never go away.

Oh boy... more turkey death.

Newsflash #2: Chipotle is fattening.

And all the celebrities seem to be getting married behind our backs. Not only are they not inviting us and paying for our airfare, they're not exploiting their own love lives for professional gain anymore!

Retired NYPD Officer Has Mustache of the Year

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 16:49:00 GMT

A retired New York City cop defeated 14 other Americans, including the animated Cleveland Brown of Family Guy, for the honor of being the first person to be named the "Robert Goulet Memorial Mustached American of the Year."

An amazing overflow crowd of 1,000-plus watched as Tim Galvin accepted one of the silliest honors in recorded history, although at least it was all for a charitable cause...

Check out the moment of truth, right here:

From the news release:

The award recognizes the most impactful Mustached American of the past year.
Galvin was honored Saturday... in St. Louis at 'Stache Bash 2008, the American Mustache Institute's (AMI) annual benefit for Challenger Baseball, a baseball league for children and adults with developmental disabilities.

Just For Men(R) Haircolor [sponsored the award and] announced a $5,000 contribution to Challenger Baseball before placing a purple and gold crown on Galvin's head.

"I accept this honor for Mustached Americans everywhere," [Galvin] told an overflow crowd of nearly 1,000. "After 34 years of proudly wearing a mustache, I am humbled to be recognized by an organization that values and honors it."

Galvin won the "Goulet" award in an online poll, and competed against an all-star roster of fifteen distinguished Mustached Americans, including sports greats Jason Giambi, Art Monk, Goose Gossage and Keith Hernandez; Libertarian Party presidential candidate Bob Barr...

Now, as Scanner Emily would say, "Where's the Beard of Year Awards?" Yes, that we'd like to see...

Via the American Mustache Institute.

Related:

Hot or Not? Heidi Klum's Got Milk Ad

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

The 99 Most Degrading Sex Acts... There Has To Be One More, No?

There's a Mustache Party and You're All Invited

Fun With The Interwebs: Sarah Palin Baby Name Generator

Most Likely, We'll Sleep With You if You Grow a Giant Beard

Scanner Roundtable: Facial Hair

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 15:01:00 GMT

Yes, we've discussed this before, but as the temperature drops, more and more men are thinking about facial hair to keep warm. And if they're not, they should be—because other than a big ole' beard we can only think of one more thing to keep that face of yours toasty this winter, and we're saving ourselves for Jim James.

It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog that we love us a man with a beard. But we totally dig mustaches, too. In fact, there are only two kinds of facial hair we are opposed to: the goatee and the chin strap. But, to each his own, so we ask you, Scanner Readers, what's your favorite kind of facial hair (if any) and why?

And it's totally okay if the answer is, "because my dad had a beard." We think.

Related:

Scanner Roundtable: Does Stubble = Sex(ier)?

Come Grow With Me and Mustaches for Kids!

New Planned Parenthood PSAs Have A Little Too Much Moustache

[Image]

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:29:00 GMT

We love Robert Downey, Jr. and we love facial hair, so we're a little disturbed by this recent shot of the actor making a rather disturbing mustache-less face.

After the jump, some of our favorite RDJ images.

Please find the nearest object... and bend us over it. Now.

We just knew you'd love the naked pictures!

Hello, lover!

What can we say? We like bad boys...

Related:

Robert Downey, Jr. Not Taking Any S* From You**

Sloppy Seconds: Fake Sex Ruined The Real Thing for Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

[Image]

Top 10 Funniest Slang Terms For Masturbation

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Did you know there are over one thousand substitutes for the word "masturbation," all created by skateboarding hipster kids in Southern California?

The makers of The Masturbation List did, and shared all 1,000 terms (mainly guys can use) with us. We whittled (!) it down to a Top 10:

10. Slobbin' the Milosevich

9. Answer the bone-a-phone

8. Play with Burt Reynolds' mustache

7. Beef-strokin'-off

4. Ben your Franklin

6. Date Palmela Handerson

5. "Just need a little time with my e-mail, that's all..."

4. Lubricate the Lutheran

3. High-five Yule Brenner

2. Our Gang Spanky Marathon

1. Pat the Robertson

And yes, we read all one thousand to bring you this pointless exercise... yes, we have that kind of time...

Honorable mentions: Vote Republican, Bash the bishop, Battle the Cyclops, Rub the rhubarb, Fire the surgeon general; Molest the bystander; Five knuckle shuffle; Go down to the zipper mart to pick up a pound of pork; and Paint Pontius Pilate's Palace.

Via the Masturbation List. Photo of John Mayer via Celeb Newswire.

Related:

Those Who Can, Do; Those Who Can't, Teach Porn Techniques...

The Top 10 Songs About Masturbation

Ayveq the Masturbating Walrus is Dead at 14

A Walk in the Sexy Park

Connecticut Teens Busted For Classroom BJ

Pam And Tommy Lee Back In The Swing Of Things

Mustaches For Kids NY Was a Big Success!

Bryan Christian — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:44:00 GMT

Hey everyone, just wanted to drop you guys a note and let you know that thanks to you and people like you, Mustaches for Kids NY 2007 was a big success (though weirdly, they've not updated the site to reflect it yet). No, I did not win the title of "Mustache King of New York," but I did make it to the semi-finals, thank you very much -- largely due to my ability to lift a toy boat with my 'stache and a pair of alligator clips (ow!), and also my 'stache's ability to retain an impressive amount of Guinness foam. (Well, I might have had some practice on that one!).

All in all, we raised well over the projected goal of $40,000, all of which will be going to children's school programs in the New York area, and though they didn't have my final online tally when I last checked, I know that I personally raised well over $400 for the cause. So to everyone who pitched in or cheered me on, thanks again.

And for those of you who are wondering... I still haven't shaved the darn thing off yet. I'm kind of growing fond of having a classic 'stache. Every time I'd grown one before, it'd wind up some hipster handlebar/Lemmy-type thing, but this one feels kind of classy. I'm thinking that i might let a winter beard grow in around it and see how I feel about it then. Thoughts?

Three More Days to Pledge in Support of Scanner Bryan's Sweet Sweet 'Stache

Bryan Christian — Wed, 12 Dec 2007 18:02:00 GMT

Mustaches for Kids 2007 continues apace, ladies and gentlemen Scannerites, and let me just say that as the final week of this grueling challenge winds to a close, I'm fairly certain that growing out my facial hair for charity may have been the most challenging, most rewarding, most important thing I've ever done with my life. Over the past few weeks, through Mustaches for Kids, I've met some great people, shared some wonderful stories. I've raised some cash for M4K NYC, DonorsChoose.org, and the projects that they're supporting this year. I've loved and lost and loved again. Once I even sailed to the moon, killed a rabid moonbear in the frigid lunar night with nothing but my mustache and some freeze-dried spaghetti, and then returned to Earth in time for dessert -- and more loving.

But now, it's time for you to do something!

If you've already pledged, thanks, but if you haven't: there's still time. The big 'Stache Bash is this Saturday, so you've only got three more days to support both my sweet sweet 'stache and kids in New York City schools. I promise, if you make a pledge today, you will not only feel a warmth in your heart knowing that you've done some good for kids this holiday season, but also a deep sense of pride from supporting the growth of manly mustaches everywhere.

If you're interested in making a pledge, I'm now growing my 'stache for the Condusive Learning Environment in Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn, as the previous project I was growing for is now totally funded! (Hooray!) You can give money to this project in my name by going to DonorsChoose.org or by clicking the "Project" link on my "MyStache" profile page, where you can track the progress my upper lip has made over the last few weeks. (Be sure to indicate that you are gifting "in someone else's name" in the Acknowledgement section, and include my name when you fill out your information.)

Thanks!

Scanner Bryan is 'Stache-ing Out!!!

Bryan Christian — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 12:54:00 GMT

I admit it: I, Scanner Bryan, totally missed my check-in with Mustache for Kids last week, so I've had nothing to show you facial-hair-wise until today. Come on, though! It was Thanksgiving, fer Chrissakes, and everyone here at Scanner had a shit-ton going on. But the important thing is: my mustache just kept on growing! Just have a look! Plus I managed to coax a bit of cash for M4K and DonorsChoose.org from everyone at my big Thanksgiving dinner! Huzzah for eating too much oillessly fried turkey!

So now it's your turn. Dig that facial hair over there? How can you not? More importantly, how can you not run immediately to my MyStache page and pledge all your money to me and Mustaches for Kids right this very second via the "Project" link? Operators are standing by, people! Them facial hairs ain't gonna grow by themselves!

Come Grow With Me and Mustaches for Kids!

Bryan Christian — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 19:16:00 GMT

Gentlemen, have you ever stared at yourself in the bathroom mirror and asked, "How can my facial hair benefit the needy?" Well, ask no more: Behold Mustaches for Kids, a charity geared around the growing of that most manly of upper-lip accoutrements, la moustache. (Beats the Marilyn piercing by a mile.)

How's it work? Well, think of it as a fun run for your face! If you can grow a 'stache, sign up in your city, get pledges, and check in once a week with your fellow growers to document your progress and, most likely, get drunk. (There are rules, believe it or not, so, like, no Lemmys.) Or maybe growing a lip tickler ain't your bag? Then over the next month, find one you like on the websites and make a donation. Like this one for example (hint, hint). The money raised goes to a bunch of different worthy causes: in New York, it's DonorsChoose.org; in Pittsburgh, it's the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Greater PA.

Shaving Day -- meaning the day you clean off the playing field and start growing -- is today in NYC, and later in the week in Chicago and elsewhere. (Sorry SF and Pittsburgh mustachios -- you guys got going the other day.) Let's get growing, America!

There's a Mustache Party and You're All Invited

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:00:00 GMT

It's time to start planning next year's Halloween costume and this website of Nineteenth Century mustaches will be a great place to kick things off. Don't listen to the haters, it's never too early to grow a Faceshelf or an Overhand Twist for your Boris costume. Here at Scanner we are HUGE fans of the mustache. Tom Selleck, Burt Reynolds, Robert Goulet (sniffle), we love them all. While others say it's campy or even creepy, we celebrate upper-lip hair in verse and song, and with the occasional gala event. Nicole loves mustaches so much she grew one herself once back in 2004. What a great time, until the chin hair started to come in and ruined all the fun. Because chin hair on twenty-something women is just gross.