Scanner : music camp

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton Nominated For President?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Would someone please make one of these for us and send it by mail to Scanner, New York, NY? Of course, you'll need to get us a nano, too...

Natalie Wood's longtime lover planned, at one point, to murder Warren Beatty. The world doesn't know how close it came to losing Bulworth.

The decision by America's Next Top Model to feature a transgender contestant has been met with praise from at least one group: GLAAD.

Rejoice, travelers: Gay sex is now A-OK with Panama!

Meghan McCain just wet her pants: the Hills spinoff is taking on D.C.

Christian Bale will not be charged with any hitting or not hitting of any family members.

And Hillary Clinton will be nominated at this month's Democratic National Convention. Symbolically, of course-- or so they promise us. Who wants odds that somebody's going to take this gimme and pull a coup?

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

McCain Blogette: Hot or Not?

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

While You Were Sleeping: The Death of Scrabulous

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 30 Jul 2008 12:50:00 GMT

The Republican Senator Ted Stevens (of Alaskan fame) was indicted on seven counts of making false statements yesterday. Even though these seem kind of trivial in the scheme of things, Stevens already had an uphill battle for re-election, so this is all but a death sentence.

Jerry Lewis was tackled by airport security after they found a gun in his luggage. For Christ's sake, guys and dolls, he's 82 years old! Tackling is not necessary-- hell, you could probably have tiptoed over to apprehend him and he wouldn't have been able to get away.

Alicia Keys and Jack White will perform the theme song to "The Quantum of Solace," making it the first ever Bond duet. (Good luck rhyming that shit.) Since Jack is reportedly playing guitar and drums on the track, that would mean Meg White is continuing to seclude herself from the world, a great loss for sure.

The cop show that made Michael Douglas famous is set for a TV return, with two lead characters, one representing Obama, the other representing McCain. It's actually a really interesting concept.

Woody Harrelson on Kate Hudson. Ouch.

Julia Allison's Twitter last night: "Heading home, absolutely exhausted after tonight. It's not every evening your ex does a presentation on you ... And the NYT covers it." Stop her now.

The media really has nothing to talk about, so they'll keep talking about "Juno" until the last person who remembers what it was about is dead.

Hasbro is pretending to be offering a new version of Scrabble for the internet after removing Scrabulous from Facebook by force. We say: fuck you, boycott!

Scanner Highs and Lows: Is That a Hot Dog in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy to See Us?

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 20:35:00 GMT

Because we're happy to see you, too...

Oh, sorry. We were actually talking to the hot dog. We're really excited to see the hot dog. Aren't you? That's why we'll keep this highs and lows business short this short week.

Highs:

We began our countdown of the 50 sexiest albums you must own (50-41, 40-31, 30-21, 20-11)

We learned why our areolas are so pale.

We learned that sex is really good for you. And can even save your life.

Lows:

We crushed on Pete Wentz (and his huge penis!).

We let ourselves get involved in a celebrity clusterfuck.

We finally found one part of our body we never want to get tattooed.

Scanner Emily Sends a Little Love to Her American Idol Homie

Emily Farris — Thu, 22 May 2008 12:51:00 GMT

We haven't watched American Idol since Kelly Clarkson stole our hearts six long seasons ago. But we must take a moment to show some love to the winner of Season 7, David Cook, who grew up about twelve minutes from Scanner Emily (we measure distance in driving minutes in the Midwest).

And considering we can't say that the suburbs of Kansas City, Missouri have the best reputation — though we did go to high school with Albert Pujols and our hometown is famous for Crystal Meth and Harry S. Truman — we're more than a little excited for Cook.

No, we didn't know the guy, but apparently we have some connections.

Actually, he's just about our age, so it's highly possible we made out with him at a party at some point, because we went to a lot of parties in Blue Springs. In fact, come to think of it, we still have an unpaid parking ticket there from '98. Shit.

Anyway... while we most likely didn't know the guy, Cook went to CMSU (Central Missouri State University), which has since changed its name to UMCO (University of Central Missouri), probably in-part due to the unfortunate reverse acronym "Call Me Stupid University." Yes, it has a reputation for being a party school, but it also has a very good performing arts program, where we (you guessed it) went to music camp four summers in a row.

Plus, we kind-of, sort-of, maybe happen to love this Aerosmith song from Armageddon. We were on a very rare dating roll when the movie was out and saw it with four different boys all while it was still in theater (on different nights, thank you very much). So this whole David Cook thing is like some strange ultra-cheesy homecoming experience for us.

Allow us to bask in it momentarily.

Ok, we're done.

Thanks.