Scanner : murder

Racist Small Town Hoodlums Getting Away with Murder

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 15 May 2009 17:10:00 GMT

Brandon Piekarsky entering court before his acquittal on third-degree murder charges. Piekarsky's level of involvement in the killing is unclear, as he wasn't believed to have helped in the beating.

On July 12th, in Shenandoah, Pennsylvania, a group of white teenagers were walking home when they came across a young Hispanic man in the park with a teenage girl. One of them yelled out, "Isn't it a little late for you to be out? Get your Mexican boyfriend out of here."

The Mexican man, whose name was Luis Ramirez, became enraged and screamed back at them and began calling for backup. Eighteen-year-old Brian Scully then traded punches with Ramirez, with no one ever agreeing on how the fight actually got started. Derrick Donchak, then 19, jumped on top of the badly-beaten Ramirez and, with a piece of metal between his knuckles, began pummeling Ramirez's face. Miraculously, Ramirez was able to recover and the boys ran off, hurling more racial slurs back as they ran. This enraged Ramirez, who chased after them until a quick blow to the head from Colin Walsh, a 17-year-old component of the all-white group, wiped him out. While Ramirez was down, Scully (it is said by witnesses) kicked Ramirez in the head, causing him to foam at the mouth and convulse. He died as a result of that brutal blow.

At the boys' trial, no one seemed to dispute these facts (except which boy did what.) Nonetheless, the jury acquitted the accused of third degree murder and various other charges while convicting them of simple assault. The defendants and their families emerged from the courtroom triumphant, while legal observers say this was on obvious miscarriage of justice:

"There's been a complete failure of justice," said Gladys Limon, staff attorney for the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund, who attended the trial and informed Ramirez's family of the verdict. "It's just outrageous and very difficult to understand how any juror could have had reasonable doubt."

She said the evidence "clearly established that Luis Ramirez was brutally beaten."

Prosecutors cast Ramirez as the victim of a gang of drunken white teens motivated by a dislike of their small coal town's burgeoning Hispanic population. But the jury evidently sided with defense attorneys, who called Ramirez the aggressor and characterized the brawl as a street fight that ended tragically. [New York Daily News]
As Avery Friedman argues persuasively in the video from CNN yesterday, this was a pretty clear-cut case of jury nullification: the weight of evidence against the accused was so powerful that it's clear the all-white jury -- like similar juries in the South during the Civil Rights struggle -- was not going to convict two young white men of murdering a Mexican. Even if, as Friedman says, "the only reason he is dead is because he was Mexican." [Crooks and Liars]

Now, some activists are putting pressure on the state's Democratic Governor, Ed Rendell, to speak out about the hate crime. They believe the worst is still to come from a town that is almost 100% Caucasian and only 1% Hispanic...

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:20:00 GMT

We were beginning to think he might actually get away with it: Drew Peterson was arrested yesterday and charged with the murder of his third wife.

John Mayer is playing a series of intimate concerts, featuring only his new material, for his staff.

Gotta love this guy: A bar owner lit up a cigarette at the Ohio health department as a protest over the bar smoking ban. Of course, to top it off, he threatened to have the department fined for allowing him to smoke.

Next on the block for porn parodies: 30 Rock!

Memo to hideous-looking billionaire divorcing Stephanie Seymour: it's all uphill from here.

Believe it or not, kids, pictured above is the cast of The Goonies. And yes, Chunk is the little bald man in back-- at least, that's what everyone says.

Rich Berliners complained about a local brothel, so judges "expected" it and found it to be "discreet." We're not making this up.

Kiefer Sutherland's California probation could be revoked because of his misdemeanor arrest in New York.

Dude, you were making a lot of money off of the Body World thing-- why did you have to go and show two dead people having sex?

And an ex-boyfriend of Deanna Hummel, the woman alleged to have had an affair with Jon Gosselin from the reality show we'd never heard of and think is desperate for some publicity, has released a sex tape of a woman he claims is Hummel. (Very NSFW link here.) At this point, we're guessing there was no affair and, even if there was, this sex tape looks fake.

The Erin Brockovich of Private Eyes: Ordinary Citizen Almost Singlehandedly Solves Forgotten Murder

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:26:00 GMT

Susan Galbreath has a story to tell that would make one helluva good Meryl Streep-Angelina Jolie-type Oscar-bait vehicle. You can bet they'll figure out how to screw this one up, by bringing in romance, character flaws that insult her gender, and annoying plot holes.

In an extraordinary six-page Times (UK) story, which we'll summarize below, an English reporter discusses how this extraordinarily resilient person took on ineffective law enforcement, stalkers, killers, and-- worst of all-- failing marriages over a seven-year period to finally bring a psychotic killer and his conspirators to justice...

Back in 2000, Galbreath came across the body of a nineteen-year-old girl. The woman had been raped, strangled, and raped again repeatedly after her death, then burned beyond recognition. (Her parents identified her by her jewelry and other small indicators.) The initial police investigation failed to bring about a credible suspect and the story disappeared. Galbreath didn't care about her marriage, which was failing, and her general lack of interest in work and socializing. She befriended a reporter and lured him to Kentucky to help her investigate. The two interviewed suspects and fed their information to the police, who were either working closely with the gumshoes or ignoring them as a couple of crackpots, depending on who was in charge of the basically-forgotten case at the time.

Eventually, Galbreath was on her own. She set up a MySpace page as a tribute to the deceased and noticed that one MySpace user in the area was a person of interest-- a woman who had fled the area amid rumors she was involved in the murder. Galbreath played dumb and contacted her as if at random to ask her to contribute to the page as an area resident. It was the straw that whipped that camel's ass, and the person of the interest soon started spilling her guts out of nowhere. The MySpace user turned out to be an accomplice with a guilty conscience and later told the police how it all went down: the psycho had picked up his victim in a car full of drunk and drugged-out partiers, hit her over the head with a baseball bat, and had his conspiring female friends, of which the MySpace user was one, cover up the crime by dumping and burning the body.

18-year-old Jessica Currin had been walking home after a dullish Saturday evening at her friend’s house when she was stopped and given a lift in a car driven by Quincy Omar Cross, a 31-year-old layabout, serial hard-drug user and sexual offender. Also in the car, in a heavily drug-induced party mood, were four others – one man and three girls in their late teens.
Once she was inside the large, white, old Cadillac, Cross immediately began to sexually assault Jessica, aided by one of the girls. All four had been using cocaine, Ecstasy and alcohol. When Jessica resisted, Cross smashed a small baseball bat into the back of her head.

After several years on the (unpaid) job, Galbreath's work ultimately came down to the one chance MySpace message, but she wasn't fazed by all that lost time. Now the budding detective wants to get her PI license and has since found the love of her life and peace. At last.

Read the much more coherent (and epic) full tale here.

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Craigslist Erotic Services Aren't Going Anywhere

Emily Farris — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:41:00 GMT

In the wake of the "Craigslist killing"—an April 14 incident in which a Boston University student is accused of murdering a 26-year-old masseuse he met on the listing site—Connecticut's Attorney General called for Craigslist to get rid of the photos in the "erotic services" section, hire staff to screen the ads and fine users who violate the terms of service. But founder Craig Newmark has no plans to do any of that.

As Newmark pointed out, Craigslist already allows users to flag material they believe is inappropriate.

"Sometimes a bad guy of some sort tries to pull a fast one on our site," he said in an interview that aired Friday night on ABC News. "We don't want it there, it's wrong, and that's why we have the help of the general community and the law enforcement community getting rid of things like that."

Yeah. So there.

[Huffington Post: Craig Newmark: I'm Not Planning To CLose Craigslist's 'Erotic' Section]

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PapSmeared: Linda Hogan is Stayin' Alive

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 14:43:00 GMT

Linda Hogan steps out for the first time since her ex-husband Hulk Hogan confessed he had fantasies of killing her.

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Lara Flynn Boyle Still Getting Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 13:14:00 GMT

Phil Spector was finally convicted of second-degree murder. Bye bye, psycho.

Al Franken has been declared the winner of the Minnesota Senate race... again. And it's not over yet... although it's been over for months, of course.

A study shows that Facebook users have lower GPA's than non-Facebookers.

We're a bit out of this morning: did we tell you about the eight-year-old who couldn't get her marriage to a middle-aged man annulled in the great nation of Saudi Arabia? If not, you really need to read this.

Lara Flynn Boyle's still getting naked, but this time it's for a TV show.

The Neverland sale is going ahead as planned-- we hope they burn that whole sickening place to the ground on the way out.

After the Tweenbots thing yesterday, we were thinking New Yorkers were getting better at being aware and helpful. Not so much.

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So You Think You Can Dance Better Than A Third Grader?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 13:20:00 GMT

This is exactly what we needed to kick off the week: a seriously badass brother and sister improvisational dance team.

Hopefully, these kids will grow up, find this on YouTube, and realize maybe it's actually pretty cool that their parents captured this moment in time. One commenter muses: "As Jack Donaghy says, In five years we'll all either be working for him or be dead by his hand." We'll tweak that a bit: he's either the next Black Michael Jackson or a future Melendez brother.

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Italy's Woman of the Year Acting the Part of the Crazed Sex Fiend in Court

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:28:00 GMT

Is Amanda Knox putting on a Crazy Person act to get away with murder only a Crazy Person could commit?

Italy's Trial of the Century pits Washington State college student Knox against an Italian prosecution that just doesn't know what to make of this loony American. (Yes, we do make them loonier here-- just be grateful she's not from Florida.) They've had to put up with all manner of antics, including the above-pictured shirt (on Valentine's Day, no less), kissing her co-defendant, and discussing her pink rabbit vibrator in open court...

Knox, 21, is accused of murdering her British roommate after a sex game went wrong-- or, some say, she planned it all along and joked about it being a thrill killing afterward. Her DNA (and the victim's) were found on a knife that may have been the murder weapon. Here's the rundown on how she's handled the early part of the trial so far:

-casually discussing the trial with an interpreter during recesses as if facing a misdemeanor charge instead of allegations of a brutal sex game slaying and coverup
-the All You Need Is Love t-shirt. A t-shirt to a trial? Either you are indeed a crazy person or you grew up in Florida

-walking "like a Hollywood diva sashaying along the red carpet" (says the Daily Mail)
-while awaiting interrogation after the murder, she occupied herself by working out, doing cartwheels, stretches, and splits in the police station
-her accomplice/boyfriend made out with her and she giggled and stuck her tongue out at him when they were later separated
-and one that wasn't really her fault: she had to answer questions in court about the pink rabbit-shaped vibe police discovered in her apartment. She giggled and said it was a gag gift from a friend. [Seattle Times]

One criminologist tells the Seattle Times that Knox's silliness could be a defense mechanism in reaction to her own pain and suffering. While we have seen that kind of thing before, usually the person in question is at least nervous, afraid, or mildly upset at some point...

Either way, things don't look promising for Italy's 2008 Woman of the Year.

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The Kinky Sex Murder At ABC News Radio

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:39:00 GMT

Last summer, we seriously considered an offer for a job at ABC News in New York. While on tour of the building and my "future office," I met a guy named George Weber, who was cracking jokes and insulting colleagues who were within earshot when I came across him. My first thought was, "This is one of those characters. Every office has one."

The next time we saw him was yesterday morning, when he was the top story in New York City. Weber was murdered by "a date" he picked up via Craig's List and the details couldn't have been more shocking...

According to stories in the New York Daily News over the last 36 hours, Weber's alleged killer is an unidentified 16-year-old boy who Weber found via a Casual Encounters ad. Weber wanted someone to smother him and the boy offered to do it for $60. It's not known whether this was premeditated murder or the boy just didn't know to stop using the pillow when his victim fought back. Either way, the police say the killer suffered enough retaliatory injuries to bleed all over Weber's apartment on his way out.

What stands out the most for us is that a knife was involved-- reports indicate Weber's body hand multiple stab wounds, which at least confirms murder, whether the boy planned it in advance or tried to finish him Weber off after realizing he'd done serious damage.

Seriously, let this serve as a reminder to all of us to use extreme caution when inviting strangers home...

Latest updates here, via the NY Daily News.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Harry Potter Murder Case Ends

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

If any of our L.A. readers are going to see Kirk Douglas live on stage, consider yourselves very, very lucky... and envied.

The days of rock feuds have returned: Win Butler of Arcade Fire vs. Wayne Coyne of Flaming Lips.

Seems William H. Macy has always been babysitting Jeremy Piven.

If two Mexican drug cartels could set aside their differences, they could put a combined 100,000 henchmen to work against the United States... or take over the Mexican government, easy.

Horton Foote died at the age of 92. The Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright scripted the film of To Kill A Mockingbird.

Reader Art J. alerted us to the trial of a twin brothers accused of attempting to have sex with a corpse that looked hot in a newspaper photo.

A man was convicted of killing another man who appears in the next Harry Potter film.

Call us crazy but this looks like harmless fun to us.

And Robin Williams is in intensive care after complaining of shortness of breath. Gawker notes that his "older brother died two years ago from heart surgery complications..."

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This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Is former New York City Mayor Ed Koch gay? Does anyone even care at this point?

Scariest hate crime suspect of all-time? This guy: "So I killed somebody - that makes me a bad guy?" We're against the death penalty, so let's hope he gets brutally beaten in prison every day for the next fifty years.

Lesbians in Massachusetts are suing the US government because they aren't allowed to check "Married, filing jointly" to save money on their taxes. (See similar post from yesterday.)

The Family Resources Council thinks prosecuting hate crimes is the same as prosecuting people for thought crimes. Yes, because when you drag a lesbian out of her car, rape her repeatedly for being a lesbian, beat her up and leave her for dead, you're only thinking it.

James Dobson is retiring from Focus on the Family. But we won't forget about him.

Our idea of a good time might occasionally involve a gay bar, but never when we're in Galveston, Texas.

All Sean Penn wants is to make Harvey Milk's birthday Harvey Milk Day. It's the least Gov. Ahnuld could do, right?

Meanwhile, California is doing what it can to stop Prop 8. First, the legislature did this. Tomorrow, the state will be in court to do this and hopefully help these people.

The next Mormons versus the gays battle? This time it'll be over civil unions in Illinois.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Wrestler And That Video Game

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

CNN looks at one convicted murderer's life after DNA vindication.

The Obamas announced what kind of puppy they're going to get. My, they are drawing this out like a Stephen King serial novel, aren't they?

High School Fight Club didn't turn out to be as funny as the movie.

A New Jersey beauty queen was arrested for counterfeiting... beware the frightening pictures of the other two culprits!

Was this a brilliant bank robbery or what? Let's hope there's a movie in the works.

Ryanair hates bloggers... although, in the company's defense, they do have their reasons.

Anna Paquin is dating her True Blood co-star.

That awesome fake vintage video game in The Wrestler? It's real... unfortunately, it's not for sale... yet.

And does this Leonard Cohen "poem" in the New Yorker mean he's working on new songs?

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Is This Another Murder-Coverup of a Black Man?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:03:00 GMT

Police in Mississippi want you to believe that Billey Joe Johnson, Jr. died of a self-inflicted shotgun wound to the head while in park during a routine traffic stop. Police want you to forget that Billey Joe was black, his girlfriend was white, and that the angry white father keeping them apart was a friend of the police officer on the scene.

They also want you to forget that the official report has one glaring inconsistency in the death of an all-star high school football player weighing several major scholarship opportunities.

But Johnson's family and the NAACP are questioning whether Johnson died from a self-inflicted gunshot. A lawyer for the family has said Johnson's wounds did not appear to be consistent with a shotgun wound.
Willie Gaines, head of the George County chapter of the NAACP, said he, like many others in the community, believes Johnson had too much to live for to take his own life. The morning of his death, he was scheduled to attend an awards banquet. [Denver Post]
A witness heard two shots, not one, at the scene where Billey Joe died, according to an independent investigation launched by the Mississippi NAACP. The pathologist in that investigation has indicated that it would be impossible for a bullet from a self-inflicted shot to enter in the manner that it did. He also said that given the length of Billey Joe's arms and the length of the shotgun, it would have been impossible for him to hold the weapon and fire it at himself. [dead link, via Color of Change e-mail]

Even with this evidence, will the truth ever come out? Did the cop shoot Johnson? Did the father of his girlfriend, who had been ordered not to see the boy? All we know is that on the night in question, Johnson tapped on the girl's window, where her mother was waiting or hiding or happened to be passing by in the inside hallway. The mother called the police and Johnson took off. Color of Change notes: "This fact was not a part of the original story given by the police."

Later, he was stopped for what the police say was a pair of traffic violations: running a red light and blowing a stop sign. The cop claims he was taking Johnson's driver's license back to the car when he heard a shot and the sound of glass shattering. He turned and saw Johnson's last moments...

Cringeworthy Story of the Day: Inmate Tries to Cut Off His Own Penis With....

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Cringeworthy Story of the Day: Inmate Tries to Cut Off His Own Penis With....

Emily Farris — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 18:09:00 GMT

A convicted murderer in Santa Ana insists that he is "a good person who made some really bad choices." In addition to murdering a Newport Beach couple in order to steal their yacht and slashing another man in a "murder-for-money" scheme, Skylar Deleon tried to cut off his own penis while in prison. You might be thinking, 'but prisoners can't have knives or scissors.' And you're right.

In 2007 a locked-up Deleon tried to cut off his own penis with a razor because he believes "it doesn't belong there."

"As far back as I can remember, I always knew something was not quite right," Deleon said. "It's kind of weird, I mean I like girls, but I also always felt like a girl."

While the story didn't state what kind of razor he used, it pains us to be realistic enough to believe it was probably a single-blade disposable razor, which—to the best of our knowledge/Google searching—is the standard shaving device for inmates.

Deleon probably could have dug a hole to China in the time it would have taken to remove his own penis with a Bic razor, but luckily other inmates alerted deputies who rushed his cell and, uh, nipped the operation in the bud.

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While You Were Sleeping: Mariah Carey's Big Movie Surprise

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A topless revue that played the Tropicana in Vegas for almost half a century has shut down.

Crazy Courtney Love is "not anti-semitic," according to the Jews.

Remember that family that waited twelve years to report their adopted son's disappearance? Surprise, they are now facing murder charges.

Can you believe today is the last day of the Bush presidency? It all went by so fast... ha ha ha. Did you notice how we never once, in the eight years since he stole the election, referred to him as "President Bush?" He'll always be an asterisk to us.

Don't ever trust ultra-conservative Fox to live up to their ultra-conservative grandstanding when it comes to your naked photos-- they'll gladly exploit them for ratings.

Yet another reason Jimmy Fallon's late night show is gonna blow goats.

Here's the real surprise of the Sundance Film Festival: Mariah Carey is getting very strong reviews... and by strong, we don't mean "strongly-worded diatribes." Could this be the beginning of her biggest success of all?

And our new Mrs. Vice President reveals her husband was offered his choice of the #2 job or Secretary of State.

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So, exactly how much Visine would it take to kill one's husband?

Emily Farris — Fri, 09 Jan 2009 17:59:00 GMT

Who ever said there's nothing happening in Missouri?

A woman just a couple hundred miles south of Scanner HQ is sitting in the big house after trying to kill her husband... with Visine!

Tonia Peterson is accused of trying to kill her husband, Cecil Peterson, by spiking his tea with Visine eye drops.

The article leaves many unanswered questions. We'll call Scanner Dad, who also lives in Southwestern Missouri, to see if he maybe knows the guy.

We just wish Tonia was using Clear Eyes so we could have run a picture of Ben Stein.

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The Facebook Pages of the Italian Mafia

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 18:29:00 GMT

We always suspected La Cosa Nostra had infiltrated Facebook from prison but, until now, we haven't had the proof...

Bernardo Provenzano, seen above, also known as The Tractor for "mowing people down," started out as an enforcer in Corleone, Sicily, after the second World War. After whacking his boss, the heat from the cops and other mafioso caused him to go into hiding, where he remained for more than forty years, thanks to rumors of his demise being greatly exaggerated. When he finally turned up, Provenzano was living in a farmhouse outside Corleone, not far from his wife and children. Thanks to having been sentenced in absentia to life in prison, he spends his days reading Dante and, according to this story in today's Telegraph, updating his Facebook profile.

Here's Provenzano's fan page and his regular Facebook profile is linked on this page-- you have to add him as a friend to see the full profile. The same goes for fellow gangster Salvatore "the Beast" Riina, who has a fan page here and a regular profile, linked here. Both men claim thousands of "friends" and fans, who leave comments like "fuck the government" and "we love you, you're great." Provenzano has a page in which supporters petition for his canonization-- even if you love the Mob, you still have to wonder what these people did to deserve sainthood. (Contrary to other news reports, the Facebook profiles for Messina Denaro, the current "boss of bosses," all appear to be fakes.)

Meanwhile, Mafia Wars is the most popular new Facebook application...

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Craziest Town Meeting Ever Involves Porn, Sexual Harassment, Vehicular Homicide

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:15:00 GMT

When Anthony Troiano went into a meeting with fellow town selectmen in Hopkinton, MA, he thought maybe they would want to discuss that time he killed somebody, had his license suspended, and was arrested.

As it turns out, Troiano had bigger problems, as the local paper (The Metro West Daily News) breaks it down for us:

1) Troiano has been busted at least twice: once, for committing vehicular homicide (for which he's already been convicted) and for driving with a revoked license five days after having the license taken away in September.

2) Troiano's political enemies looked for other mistakes to help their case to oust him. One turned up a visit to a porn site Troiano had made while using a town-owned laptop in the privacy of Troiano's home. Troiano admitted to going to the site, but came up with a vague excuse involving spam e-mails that caused him to visit it in the first place.

3) Unsure the board would expel their rival, Troiano's opponents then appear to have tried another tactic. One anonymous member filed a claim that their co-worker's visit to a porn site while on a network they all shared amounted to sexual harassment. ("Troiano had created a hostile work environment by using a town computer to look at porn.")

Troiano was booted unanimously, although one board member-- clearly the only one with half a brain here-- abstained from voting, saying it should not become a public matter and could unfairly damage the man's reputation. Too late-- it's now all over the national news and blogosphere, thanks to the October meeting's notes being made public.

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Accused Murderer Is Italy's Woman of the Year

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 21:12:00 GMT

You thought Natural Born Killers was a sick Tarantino-Oliver Stone fantasy that could never come true? The story of Amanda Knox, named Italy's "Woman of the Year" for 2008 proves it could, and sooner than you think...

Knox, a 21-year-old from Seattle (her current address is in an Italian prison), was living with fellow student Meredith Kircher at the time of Kircher's horrendous murder, which involve a slit throat and, according to the prosecution, an agonizingly slow demise. Knox claims that smoking a bit of hash that evening has made the events somehow confusing, although she claims to remember hearing Kircher's screams, during which a "scared" Knox covered her ears.

Actually, claim the authorities, Knox was the one causing the screaming, while her boyfriend and another friend cut the innocent girl's throat, as part of some sick manga-inspired experiment. Helping the state's case are the books found on the suspects, the contents of which include a passage about killing vampires. (Kircher had dressed as a vampire for Halloween 2007, which had taken place the night before.)

So, apparently, Italy has no famous women of its own (what happened to the hot model auctioning off her own virginity?) and must select visiting psychopaths. And really, is she so hot they couldn't have gone with the obvious #2, Sarah Palin, instead?

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Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC]

Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us]

I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People]

Madonna donated $2.6 million dollars to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles. She should have also paid a photographer not to take this close-up of her (not that I wouldn't mind looking like that at her age). [FadedYouth]

The folks at Facebook are apparently not fans of The Teet. Last year, the site's administrators took down photos of breastfeeding mothers because they featured "exposed breasts" which apparently violated the Terms of Use. A spokesman for Facebook says that only pictures where a nipple is fully exposed are problems, but some hip Facebook moms staged not only a virtual protest, they got out from behind their computers and suckling babes and demonstrated outside of Facebook's offices in California. [Jezebel]

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While You Were Sleeping: Mexican Beauty Queen Stripped... Of Her Title

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

Sloppy Seconds: What Pete Wentz Likes Even More Than Taking Pictures of His Penis

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:21:00 GMT

Must politicians from states like Texas and Colorado always be photographed wearing cowboy hats? [NYT]

Celine Cawley who played a party girl in the James Bond film A View to Kill with Roger Moore is dead at 46 after being beaten to death on the patio of her Dublin home Tuesday. [Radar]

New Yorkers, if Governor Paterson wants puts tax on all of the entertainment you download, does this mean you'll soon be paying more for porn? (ProfRobert?) [Vulture]

We should probably be excited instead of creeped out by this facial transplant, right? [People]

In an interview with Howard Stern, Pete Wentz wanted everyone to know that he and his wife, Ashlee Simpson Wentz, "have an amazing sex life." And then he took it there: "It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'" he said. [Us]

Serial Killer Husband Has A Lotta Damn Gall...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 21:34:00 GMT

Drew Peterson killed two of his wives.

As these are only accusations at this point (and barely even that-- the police haven't even charged him with a crime), we could get in a bit of trouble for saying that. But we may have to sacrifice a bit of our own livelihood to wake up this obviously delusional, possible future-victim about to make the biggest mistake of her young life...

An unnamed twenty-four-year-old woman from Bolingbrook, Illinois (if we knew her name, we'd call 4-1-1 and straighten her out, Alec Baldwin-style) is reportedly engaged to Suspect #1, Drew Peterson, whose wife hasn't even been declared dead. This guy's got major cojones-- I thought he was like OJ, searching for the real killer. And hell, at least OJ had the brains not to get engaged during the investigation into his ex-wife's murder.

This guy is one sick individual, God knows what he's capable of doing to his latest early-20's "love." (That's right, his current wife is 24, if she's still alive. How is this guy cleaning up the Illinois-area single women?)

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Not Gonna Take It Anymore, Angry Deer Fights Back

Scanner Matt — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 15:43:00 GMT

We know who we were rooting for. It wasn't a fair fight to begin with. Someone brought a gun to the party (no, it wasn't Plaxico). In Sedalia, Montana Missouri a hunter popped two caps in some poor buck's ass. The guy thought he had successfully murdered the deer, but when he got closer the deer sprung back to life! Yeah!

The Sedalia Democrat reports after Randy Goodman landed two well place bullets into the 240-pound buck he thought it was all over BUT!

A few minutes later Goodman went to check out his trophy. As he grabbed one horn he said, “Wow. What a big deer.”

The buck stood up and knocked Goodman on his butt, attacking him with his antlers.

“It was 15 seconds of hell,” Goodman said.

Goodman thought the deer was trying to go through him as he fought it off the best he could. A few seconds later, the deer was off and running.

“I felt his front legs go over my face,” Goodman said.

The buck fled the scene, but collapsed 30 yards later and Randy ended it with two more bullets before heading to the emergency room.

“I was afraid I was going to bleed to death,” Goodman said.

In the emergency room, Goodman received seven staples in the left side of his scalp and suffered a light concussion. His right arm and chest were bruised.

And this is by far our favorite part of the article:

Goodman has been hunting since 1979 and said this freak accident taught him one thing. “I learned a valuable lesson, if you don’t think they’re dead, you might want to shoot them again,” Goodman said.

Yes!

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Sloppy Seconds: Secret Celebrity Weddings... Who Done It?

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 23:12:00 GMT

Fox News just got a little less liberal. (Bet you didn't know that was possible.) Hannity and Colmes will now just be, um, Hannity. [Yahoo]

Dr. Pepper was giving away free soda to celebrate the release of Guns 'N Roses' long-anticipated Chinese Democracy. Apparently, though, the high demand for free drinks crashed the beverage makers' website, leaving rock fans everywhere thirsty and disappointed. [Vulture]

Did you know Jason Lee was married? Neither did we. [Us]

Who else got secretly married?

Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag. As if you care. Sorry. [People]

R. Kelly's nephew has been charged with attempted murder after a brawl in a barbershop. [MTV]

Was John McCain the only one who didn't know "suspending" his campaign was a terrible idea? Scanner Brian totally called it. [Political Wire]

Live From Death Row: A Killer's Last Words, Before His Life Was Spared

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 16:59:00 GMT

Jose Angel Moreno should be dead already.

He's a death row inmate in Texas, of all places, which means he's lucky he wasn't taken out and shot before his appeal even came up. This is not a dig at Texas-- this is a dig at how Texas State Government views the death penalty. And the fact that 23 years have passed since Moreno committed a murder-kidnapping and Moreno still hasn't been put to death is either a miracle or a travesty of justice, depending on which side you're on...

Anderson Cooper's 360 blog has a diary entry from Moreno in which he talks about the moments leading up to his own execution:

When your final visit is almost up, the warden (Hirsch) comes to pick you up. From that point on, every officer that has any dealings with you is a sergeant or higher, mostly lieutenants and captains. When you come out of the visiting room, there is a lot of freeworld people there. I didn’t recognize any, except the wardens. From there, you are escorted to a cage where you are searched thoroughly (you know, lift your feet and wiggle your toes, bend over and spread your ass-cheeks, then with the same hands stick your fingers in your mouth and pull your mouth open so they can check your other cheeks!) and given all brand-new clothing and cloth shoes.
The last thing Warden Hirsch says to me is, “Thanks for being a man about all this.”

Now, getting back to the death chamber. Once they get you out of the van and walk you the few feet to the holding area right next to the death chamber, they lock the door and repeat the process of removing the leg irons, belts, handcuffs and hog chain. They strip you right there in front of them (no cage necessary because there’s about 12 built or big rank all around you — a major or two, captains, and lieutenants). After they search you and dress you in their brand-new clothing, they allow you to walk over to the finger-printing booth (two sets of prints) and walk to their holding cell.
You know those huge 10-gallon containers they bring our juice/tea to the pods? Well, there’s three of them on the table. One with coffee, one tea, and I think one of juice. Then there’s milk cartons chilling on ice and a BIG silver platter with all sorts of sweets on it: cookies, buns, rolls, pastries, etc.

When the warden shows up, I think he is there to gauge how you are going to behave. He starts off by telling you what is going to happen. At 3 o’clock they will let you walk out of your cell and walk to the next cell where you will be behind a screen so you can visit with your spiritual advisor. The spiritual advisor visit lasts about an hour. Then, at 4, they will bring your last meal.
...you won’t see him no more until 6, when he comes to get you. He will say, “It’s time.” At that point, you will walk out of the cell and directly through that door (you can see it from the cell, it’s only about 10-15 feet), that’s the execution chamber. You will then be placed on the gurney and strapped down. Then two medically trained personnel will stand on each side and inject a catheter into each arm. Then he (warden) will stand behind your head and ask you if you have a last statement. He will give you about two minutes but is flexible, depending on what you are saying. He has two rules: 1) No profanity or cussing, and 2) It must be in English.

Then he tells you that if you get a stay, the chaplain will come inform you. Finally, he asks if you have any questions. It is at this time you are supposed to ask him to use the telephone and smoke cigarettes as per the instructions you will receive from the chaplain the day before. He tells you that the chaplain will provide the cigarettes and that you can call as many people as you want but the person must be in the continental U.S., and all phone calls will stop at 5.

So the warden leaves and I get right on the phone. I get some very sweet tea, a milk, and wait for him to light me a cigarette. The first person I talk to on the phone is my oldest (longest-lasting) friend, Linda. But I wasn’t doing much talking because I was trying to choke down my sobbing. (Sobbing is uncontrollable crying). It was at this point that it all made sense to me and I was more scared than I’ve ever been in my whole life.

Of course, since you're reading the journal entry, you know Moreno must've received a visit from the chaplain and that the chaplain let him know the execution had been stayed. Sure enough, as of this writing, Moreno lives in the only civilized country on earth that allows capital punishment.

Via CNN.

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While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 15:54:00 GMT

A Dartmouth student won a small county race in New Hampshire after spending $42 for a Facebook ad trumpeting her campaign. The sore loser called the 20-year-old history buff "a teenybopper" and said the student's supporters were "brainwashed."

Anne Hathaway's ex Raffaelo Follieri is such a whimp, he had a lawyer write a letter complaining about prison food.

You're not going to believe this KKK story...

Not only do they kill one of their own, but then they go into a store and ask the clerk how to get blood off their clothes. Stupidest people on earth?

A group of third graders got the gift of a lifetime after visiting a grocery store as part of a school activity: they were all given copies of a book called "How To Change the World For A Fiver," which turned out to include tips on changing all right-- changing sexual positions. (See above photo.)

Whoopi Goldberg is 53 and Mr. Big is 54.

And that Adrienne Bailon nude photo story? About how some ex leaked them? Bullshit-- she did it herself to boost her career. What else is new?

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

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Sloppy Seconds: Phillies Fan Gives Her Team A Big Boost

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

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Guy Who Probably Killed Natalee Holloway Needs To Sleep With The Fishes

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:29:00 GMT

Joran van der Sloot, who proved having a judge for a father means you're immune from prosecution, may not be able to slither his way out of this latest jam.

Thanks to journalists who relentlessly pursued the accused murderer (well, not accused by any real authority, but we'd have no problem charging him) all the way to Thailand, The Slootmeister has once again been caught on hidden camera admitting to a very real crime involving Thai girls...

According to several European news sources, van der Sloot was filmed by an undercover operative working for Peter R. De Vries:

De Vries will show in his TV programme, he claims, that Van der Sloot offers women for sale in the Thai capital Bangkok for the Dutch prostitution market. On hidden camera he explains how he supplies girls for 10,000 euros each, who work for 300 dollars a month in Dutch brothels.

Best part of all, the OJ Simpson wannabe was flanked by Thai hookers while he discussed business. The man is a sleazeball, for sure, but is he a murderer?

Van der Sloot, the son of a judge in Aruba, said in February to an infiltrator working for De Vries that he dumped the body of Natalee Holloway, a teenager from the American state of Alabama, in the sea. He said she died suddenly while they were engaged in sexual activities on a beach. To the surprise of many, including De Vries, the authorities in the Netherlands and the Netherlands Antilles did not consider this confession serious enough for Van der Sloot to be arrested. Since then, he has been in the Far East.

Let's get this straight: no one wanted to pursue this lead, so now this asshole is engaged in human trafficking of Thai prostitutes? Great-- why don't we give him a blanket pardon for all future crimes, just to make it all official-like?

It sickens us that he's allowed to get away with this stuff time and time again. Would someone please send Dexter overseas for an episode or two to take care of this problem?

Via Dutch News sources.

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Woman Kills Rapist With Shotgun Blast Through Her Front Door

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 15:53:00 GMT

Now, you must be asking yourselves, how did she know he was a rapist if she blasted him as he's merely coming through the front door? Couldn't he have been a burglar or Robert Downey, Jr., searching for her daughter's bed?

Turns out the woman, a 57-year-old resident of St. Louis, Missouri, knew it was the same man who had raped her just a few short days earlier. The man, who was killed with a single shotgun blast, was 47-year-old Ronnie W. Preyer, a convicted sex offender, and identified at the scene by his victim has having, indeed, been the right man. Turns out, it was a simple repetition of tactics that gave him away: Preyer had broken her window to get her to come out of the house the night he raped her; when, after 2:00am on the night he was killed, he broke the very same window, the woman knew it had to be the same guy coming back for more.

She grabbed her shotgun and waited in the doorway. And it was Preyer's own fault he was killed-- if he hadn't turned off the electricity, the prey would have been able to call 9-1-1 and perhaps scare him off by loudly informing him the police were on the way. Instead, Preyer crashed through the locked front door and the victim had no choice but to blow him away.

Of course, the victim will not be charged, while the dead man's grave is being spit on (figuratively, of course) in the St. Louis Post-Dispatches' comment section following the story.

Good for her. He got what he deserved.
Why would he even go back for her again? What an idiot. Oh well, that's besides the point.GOOD FOR HER! Preyer deserved to be shot and should be thankful she didn't shoot him right in his(you know what). His last name even being,"Preyer" is a coincidence to me considering he preyed on this poor lady.
I'm glad it took several hours for him to die. He needed to suffer after what he did to that women. And who says we need gun control?

It's hard to argue with that. To think she may have been raped a second time is too much to even think about...

Via the Dispatch.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Naked Mannequin Orgy

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 14:31:00 GMT

You'll be relieved to learn that this post has nothing to do with the you-know-what that's happening today...

This is the creepiest and coolest Halloween prank we've seen this year

A woman is charged with murder after stabbing her boyfriend with a pair of scissors after the argued over a slice of pizza.

It's scary and insane enough that this guy murdered his girlfriend. But then to cut off his own dick and leave it with her body? Wow. We have nothing to say about that.

A man is selling his wife through an in a classified section intended for vehicle sales, complete with the usual punny ad. The news here? Even though she's 25, he has had to drastically reduce the asking price.

A supposed burglar was found in a store's window display bed getting it on... with a bunch of mannequins.

A naked, masked man holding a gun and waving the American flag on an overpass caused a California freeway to be shut down for hours during yesterday morning's rush hour. And how come we're hearing about this the next day?!

And Traci Lords doesn't appear naked in Kevin Smith's new Porno movie because she was lactating. Yeah, we figured Smith would take a pass on that...

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