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Maxim's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:01:00 GMT

It's that time of the year again, apparently: publicists have bribed, starlets have stripped, dudes have drooled, and Maxim men have spoken: the 100 sexiest women of the year, as voted by guys who equate skankiness with sex appeal, are here for your leering amusement...

10. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Just a few weeks ago, it seems, men were dissing The Ghost Whisperer for her "cellulite thighs." Ah, but how quickly does Photoshop make one forget...

9. Jordana Brewster. She was in the recent Fast & Furious blockbuster sensation. Yep... moving on...

8. Rihanna. Here's a woman we go back and forth on all the time. While she's arguably very sexy at time, we were in a Best Buy recently and caught a live DVD of hers on one of the monitors. Besides Britney Spears, we've never seen a pop star perform so lifelessly and in fitting tribute to how awful her manufactured music is. She could've at least pretended those songs would stand the tests of time...

7. Adriana Lima. The writers don't help their cause by calling Lima hotter than Gisele Bundchen, her Brazillian/Victoria's Secret counterpart. Lima is one hot mama, but you'd have to be crazy to think anyone can compete with Gisele, arguably the last of the supermodels.

6. Eliza Dushku. We predicted, what with the relatively inexplicable press she gets from these men's magazines, Dushku would've topped this year's charts. Guess Dollhouse is going to get canceled after all...

5. Mila Kunis. Here's one we can get behind-- not in that way, sicko. When Kunis stepped away from the shadows of That 70's Show, she was reborn as full-blown, modern-day sex bomb with more than half-a-brain. Thank God, because her sex appeal as the dumpy dippy hippie chick on That Show was a bit overrated...

4. Malin Akerman. Another wise choice, although we much prefered the Watchmen star with the Uma Thurman-in-Pulp Fiction dark 'do.

3. Bar Rafaeli. Without question, Leonardo DiCaprio's paramour (seen at the top of this post) is the breakout modeling sensation of 2009. In just the last five months, she's graced the cover of The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar, created one fake "cheating" scandal, and landed in the top 3 of Maxim's countdown, all without a single mainstream media interview or mention in an SNL skit. However, we're predicting she's a token choice, to be replaced next year by the next manufactured sensation.

2. Megan Fox. You knew last year's #1 would be this year's #2-- that's just the way it goes... they wouldn't sell any magazines if it was the same old used-up 18-year-old every time, right? (Kidding.) Obviously, the polls closed prior to yesterday's announcement that Fox has officially called herself "bi-sexual," as that might have skewed the vote from that, uh, demographic.

1. Olivia Wilde. "The pulse-quickening internist played by Olivia Wilde on House, M.D. is named Thirteen (which we presume is out of 10) and has a terminal illness that causes her to dabble in drugs and casual sex." Maxim then tries to make a case that "ah, we see her first!" by citing a series of walk-on roles in shows like The O.C. They should have used her real name to excite themselves over instead: "Olivia Jane Cockburn." By the way, believe it or not, but Wilde is only 25 years old-- doesn't she look much more mature, in a good way, of course?

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The 10 Best Things About the New Star Trek

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 18:58:00 GMT

Haven't seen the new Star Trek yet? You are not alone... in the universe! Ha... is joke.

Seriously, this might end up being the first film in ages to actually draw in significant repeat business-- Trekkies are over the moon, film buffs are racing at warp speed to get home and blog, and we've run out of bad puns already. In other words, don't be left out this weekend...

10. This could be the Star Trek film that breaks the Oscar curse. The series is 0 for 10, mainly in sound and effects categories, and has never been nominated in a category bigger than cinematography. But we would not be surprised, given the quality of movies released this year, that Star Trek pics up nods in screenplay, effects, and even acting categories. You heard it here first.

9. Leonard Nimoy's cameo gives the movie great dramatic weight-- unlike 99.9% of all prequel cameos. Most of the time, when you bring back the star of a film's previous series, it results in mockery and cinematic travesty. For example, Sean Connery's return as James Bond nearly ruined the series, even more so than the casting of Timothy Dalton. Thankfully, this Star Trek is more, say, Diamonds Are Forever than Never Say Never Again.

8. It finally launched little known film director J.J. Abrams's career. Abrams, you probably didn't know, has spent years slumming it as the #1 producer of network television.

7. If this guy hates it, it must be good. The self-described Trekkie fails to see what's great about the movie-- it's Star Trek without all the hokey sci-fi goofing around that turned off so many casual viewers.

6. It makes us want to go watch the first four movies again. (Although, of course, nothing can make us want to watch any of the others.) That's the big difference with this and the Star Wars prequels-- it actually belongs in the series canon.

5. Because J.J. chose quality over a gimmick. Bill Shatner has made no bones (no pun intended) about his disdain for the filmmakers. We see his point-- Nimoy gets a huge supporting role, while Shatner doesn't even merit a walk-on. But Abrams & co. were right to leave that rumored cameo unfilmed-- the scene that would kind-of work, initially slated to follow the climax, could easily have stalled the movie's dramatic momentum and might have sent people out of the theater shaking their heads at the inappropriate side-tracking. Abrams made the very wise decision to not risk the movie's tension-- and it was clearly the right decision.

4. Because it will launch the career of a great young actor, Chris Pine. When we first saw trailers for the film, we kept saying, "Man, the new Kirk looks like a poor man's Ryan Reynolds." And saying someone is anything like Ryan Reynolds is a huge insult where we come from. That "annoying-looking pretty boy model," Chris Pine, turns in he year's best breakthrough performance-- are you listening, MTV?

3. All the ladies agree: Zachary Quinto is the thinking woman's sex symbol for the 21st Century. Spock, as Quinto plays him, is transformed into a studly romantic brainiac badass. Who could've predicted that?

2. This weekend, it will likely become the highest-grossing Tyler Perry movie of all time. Yes-- he's in two scenes and since no one knew he was in the film when it first opened, there were whispers all around: "Hot damn-- is that Madea?"

1. It's just that damn entertaining. We watched the film with a mild fan and two people who had very little interest in the movie-- and all enjoyed it tremendously. They agreed with this reviewer that Star Trek jump-starts a series that had been "mined to exhaustion." Best of all, this weekend, it goes up against Angels and Demons, the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, giving you yet another reason to help keep this atop the box office...

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While You Were Sleeping: Mel Gibson Is In Trouble Now

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 May 2009 14:11:00 GMT

Everyone's saying Obama brought down the house at the "nerd prom," aka the White House Correspondents Dinner, but really, it was Wanda Sykes who killed. She even landed good terrorism and abstinence jokes.

Ashton Kutcher got punk'd.

Star Trek shocked the movie industry by grossing over $72 million in its opening weekend.

Justin Timberlake brought it back to SNL.

It costs two cents more to mail a letter now, as if you still mail letters.

Mel Gibson may have impregnated his mistress. Yes, the guy who directed The Passion of the Christ.

The 9.6 million dollar text message.

Eminem has gone to war against... Mariah Carey?

Steven Soderbergh and Sasha Grey are on tour promoting their movie and are constantly having to defend porn.

While You Were Sleeping: Sex Tape For Sale

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 15:20:00 GMT

We were beginning to think he might actually get away with it: Drew Peterson was arrested yesterday and charged with the murder of his third wife.

John Mayer is playing a series of intimate concerts, featuring only his new material, for his staff.

Gotta love this guy: A bar owner lit up a cigarette at the Ohio health department as a protest over the bar smoking ban. Of course, to top it off, he threatened to have the department fined for allowing him to smoke.

Next on the block for porn parodies: 30 Rock!

Memo to hideous-looking billionaire divorcing Stephanie Seymour: it's all uphill from here.

Believe it or not, kids, pictured above is the cast of The Goonies. And yes, Chunk is the little bald man in back-- at least, that's what everyone says.

Rich Berliners complained about a local brothel, so judges "expected" it and found it to be "discreet." We're not making this up.

Kiefer Sutherland's California probation could be revoked because of his misdemeanor arrest in New York.

Dude, you were making a lot of money off of the Body World thing-- why did you have to go and show two dead people having sex?

And an ex-boyfriend of Deanna Hummel, the woman alleged to have had an affair with Jon Gosselin from the reality show we'd never heard of and think is desperate for some publicity, has released a sex tape of a woman he claims is Hummel. (Very NSFW link here.) At this point, we're guessing there was no affair and, even if there was, this sex tape looks fake.

Sloppy Seconds: No Bullet-Proof Bras For You

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 22:36:00 GMT

Check out this badass panda ripping some guy's jacket right off his back.

The days of pervy conservatives keeping an eye out for Splash Mountain topless photos are over. Flash away!

What do we think of this list of the Top 10 reasons men don't want sex? (We thought all ten would be "They're not attracted to you.")

Heidi Montag says she'll stay married to Spencer Brat forever. We give it six months, or one more season.

Mia Farrow is still going strong with her hunger strike, which is now at Day 11.

NYC teens are furious Bristol Palin, the "hypocrite," is in town promoting abstinence, which she had said was "unrealistic."

Screengrab picked the ten worst movies of all time-- and almost none of them were on MST3K.

"There is no such thing as a bullet-proof bra!"

Don't forget: passport rules for Mexico and Canada go into effect at the end of the month, not that anyone can afford a vacation these days.

And Will Smith wants to play a black James Bond. Great, just what we need-- pass over Idris Elba for a Hollywood action star-- that's just what the franchise needs.

Sex & The City Made "Mindless Twits" of You All?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 19:58:00 GMT

We've been enjoying Slate a lot more than we used to. This is due, in part, to the presence of smartass movie critic Dana Stevens, who gave the new Jim Jarmusch movie a careful, calculated, and expert drubbing.

But it's a quote we found by her regarding the Sex And The City movie that really woke us up to her thinking:

The show's values are reprehensible, its view of gender relations cartoonish, its puns execrable. I honestly believe, as I wrote when the series finale aired in 2004*, that Sex and the City is singlehandedly responsible for a measurable uptick in the number of materialistic twits in New York City and perhaps the world. And yet … and yet … there's a core truth to the show's depiction of female friendship that had me awaiting the big-screen version with exactly the kind of cream-puff nostalgia the movie's marketers are bargaining for. I want to know how the girls are doing, what's happened to them in the four years since I last joined them at brunch, and what in the name of God they're wearing.

In real life, Carrie's narcissism would make her a terrible friend, but Sarah Jessica Parker makes bottomless self-absorption look like such fun.

She followed up her comments on the movie, which weren't entirely negative, with an appearance on WNYC radio, in which she used the word "mindlessly" before "materialistic twits."

We have to kind of agree that, while the show is meant to be a comedy, far too many single women in New York (and probably elsewhere) took it seriously and, to this day, still act like extras on the HBO series. Many a guy friend has used the phrase "Sex and the City syndrome" when describing why they decided one date with a new female was enough. Now, with the followup film just announced, are we wrong to think SJP's star vehicle has hindered rather than helped people find love?

Via Slate.

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Sloppy Seconds: The Hipster Grifter Speaks (And She Wants Money)

Emily Farris — Fri, 01 May 2009 23:16:00 GMT

We've heard all about Obama's first 100 days, but what about Hillary Clinton's? Turns out she hasn't had time to read a single book or even see a movie. [NYT]

Watch William Shatner watch the trailer for the Star Trek movie he's not in. [Vulture]

Miley Cyrus would like you to know she's totally not having sex with her 20-year-old boyfriend, telling the Daily Mail, “I want to keep my virginity until I marry. I was brought up in a Christian family.” Yeah, Miley, so were were. [FadedYouth]

Heroes star and Scanner Brian crush Hayden Panettiere is the latest young star to audition for the Footloose remake. [Us]

Kari Farrell, that f-ing nude, f-ing hipster grifter finally showed her face long enough to let the world know that Vice still owes her $200. [Gawker]

Meet the Hipster Grifter from ANIMALmagazine on Vimeo.

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

I Hate Myself for Loving You: Hayden Paniettiere

New X-Men Movie Sounds Like a Pile of Wolf Sh*t

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:35:00 GMT

A friend sent us a link to the New York Daily News review of X-Men Origins: Wolverine, which doesn't say much of anything about the movie besides giving it one star.Hell, it doesn't even take that snoozer of a title to task.

What's notable about the story is what happens in the comments section: a flamewar starts among a whole slew of people who have never even seen the damn movie...

The opening lines pretty cover it-- typical movie critic putdown coupled with proof positive the movie blogs wolf balls:

The signature moment — done four times! — from "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is an overhead shot of Hugh Jackman with his arms and metallic blades outstretched, screaming as the camera pulls away.

It's the perfect response to this slice-and-dice superhero fiasco.

The remainder of the review contains no more hope for X-Men freaks:

We see Wolverine get a motorcycle, have his memory erased and gain his knuckle-knives.

We watch as he loves, loses and lumberjacks. What's never captured is why we should care.

You would think the fans would ignore this or at least say, "Well, that doesn't sound promising, but I'll reserve judgment until I actually watch this film." No such luck for Joe Neumaier, who receives a drubbing worse than Hugh Jackman's acting chops:

Aw this hack writer just wants to be the first one to have the negative review out there. Who needs reviewers? I go see what I want to see, I can honestly say I have NEVER let a critics opinion sway me seeing a film. It's art so the beauty is in the eye of teh beholder, not the critic.

Critics are lame and they don't actually do anything. They just make their living talking about what someone else does... a parasite of sorts. Make a career change baldy and do something real! "The credit in life goes not to the critic who stands on the sideline and points out where the strong stumble. But rather, the real credit in life goes to the person who's actually in the arena." Theodore Roosevelt

His Mother probably ripped up all his old comics... let's see what he says about, "Earth" from Disney, probably rave reviews and he'll use the free tickets he gets to take the family to Disney World.

Mr. Movie Critic, sir. Please tell us why on earth should we listen to your opinion? Is it because you have spent years studying the finer points of film and are the closest thing to an expert there is? Why don't you share some of your top movie picks so that the rest of us can trash them? Why do movie critics even exist. In these stressful economic times, that is one thing we could defnitely live without.

To the lame critic all I have to say is...Shrrrrirnggggg!! True fans and fans who don't give 2 s**ts about this cornball's review know exactly what this sound means and where we'll be on Friday.

Critic=Mutant Hater.

THis is about the only review that had something ad to say about this movie. I know sooo many people that have seen the bootleg and still plan to go watch it on the big screen. Ive had the dvd in my player for a week, but i wont watch it. Ive been waiting for this movie for soo long. This reviewer sure doesnt know what he's talking about.

Remember, no one here claims to have seen the finished cut of the film (the download doesn't count, since it's an incomplete version.) Wonder what they'll think when the movie comes out and breaks their iron little hearts...

Via the NY Daily News.

This Week in Online Dating

The Dangers of the Snuggie

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:09:00 GMT

Great news, everybody, swine flu has not affected The Real World: Cancun.

This time, Sean Penn is the one to file for a separation.

A high school marching band member fended off a robber with her baton.

Check out the senior citizen sisters' heroin operation.

A teen prostitute in Sweden claims she was forced to have sex with over 500 men.

Elizabeth Edwards says her husband John should not have run for President a second time, especially after that whole idiotic affair fiasco thing.

A FEMA coloring book features a 9/11 image.

David Blaine is teaching Mia Farrow how to starve herself for publicity.

And Kelly McGillis came out of the closet.

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While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

Because We Thought You Might Like This Shot of Megan Fox in a Corset

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:46:00 GMT

The Transformers star donned a corset on the set of her new film (that we've never heard of, unsurprisingly) Jonah Hex. Full image after the jump.

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[Image]

Welcome to Your Working Week with Eddie Izzard

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:38:00 GMT

It's already been a long week and it's only 9:32am here in New Orleans. Last night, we stayed up till God-knows-what-hour scrolling through old Lego video reenactments of standup comedy. We realized that there's absolutely no reason not to share this, the greatest of 2-minute Lego comedy videos, with you, even though it's several years old.

On this brutal Monday morning, be thankful you don't work in the cafeteria in the Death Star...

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Jane Lynch Is Glad Ellen Came Out So She Didn't Have To

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:39:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Jane Lynch, of Christopher Guest hilarity and infamy, has had a quick and thunderous rise to comedic success over the last fifteen years or so. But where was she before that? Watching Glee, it's hard to imagine why any casting director would pass on her brilliant brand of funny. In a chat with Jesse Thorn on The Sound of Young America, Jane explains why she really didn't work until 40.

But that's not all she talks about.

Interview highlights include: Why Jane can’t walk down the street unmolested, what happens when she auditions for male roles, and why she’s so glad Ellen Degenerous took one for the team.

Read more...

How Much is an Orgasm Worth to You?

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 19:33:00 GMT

We appreciate that the world at large would like us women to have better orgasms. But we have to wonder how much of that concern is really just pharmaceutical companies trying to make a profit off of what they would like us to believe is a sexual dysfunction. Do we really need to buy an Orgasmatron? And have laser surgeries? And test out vibrators in exam rooms? In her new documentary, Orgasm Inc., filmmaker Liz Canner explores the billion-dollar industry that revolves around the female orgasm. Though the movie doesn't premiere until next month, we have the not-incredibly-safe-for-work trailer after the jump.

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Jessica Lange Makes 60 Sexy

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 18:31:00 GMT

If your fifties are fabulous, what are your sixties? "Sexy" seems like an inappropriate term to use when describing the lives of people collecting social security and just wanting to take it easy. But actress Jessica Lange, who turns 60 today, isn't taking it easy and certainly doesn't need an social security. She's still an in-demand film actress, still with the equally good-looking Sam Shepherd, and probably hasn't even had any plastic surgery, despite what the rumor mill may think.

Hopefully, this retrospective look at her work will help us to understand how she's still smokin' in her seventh decade...

1) King Kong - 1976. The film was a blockbuster remake of the 1930s horror classic, complete with Lange in an outfit that George Lucas would steal for Carrie Fisher to wear in Return of the Jedi... or something. Anyway, why, if the film was a smash hit, did Lange not appear on screen again until 1979's All That Jazz? The damn critics, that's why. They gave her such a drubbing that she lost her self-confidence and had to be dragged back into it by Bob Fosse...

2) All That Jazz - 1979. She plays the Angel of Death in one of our favorite over-the-top pieces of excess from the most over-the-top and excessive decade on record. If you haven't seen it, stop reading this now and go rent it.

3) The Postman Always Rings Twice - 1981. The beginning of her career resurgence can be pinpointed sometime around the moment Jack Nicholson takes her over a table in David Mamet's nearly-forgotten noir classic.

4) Tootsie - 1982. She's absolutely adorable in this, for which she won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress. Another great rental, add it now.

5) Sweet Dreams, Frances, Music Box - 1982-1989. She goes on to take smaller films that really allow her to stretch out and play unusual and interesting characters, and the Academy loves her for it.

6) Blue Sky - 1994. This Tommy Lee Jones film was going to be shelved forever until word circulated that Lange's performance would win her an Oscar for Best Actress. For once, the rumor mill was correct.

7) Rob Roy, A Streetcar Named Desire, A Thousand Acres, Big Fish, Broken Flowers, Grey Gardens, and more - 1995-now. More Golden Globe nominations, 27 years as Sam's better half (they've never married), and staying strong after breaking her shoulder and collarbone and dislocating her arm last month in Duluth, Minnesota. We hope to see her back again, 100%, in whatever weird and kooky role Hollywood comes up with for a stunning and, yes, sexy sixty-year-old leading lady...

Fired Cheerleading Coach Receiving Support From Unlikely Source

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:27:00 GMT

More than a quarter of a million people read our story last week about Carlie Christine, also known as Carlie Beck, a cheerleading coach who ruined the lives of so many young innocents by posing for Playboy and then having the damn gall to get busted for it.

Carlie, as you may recall, was fired from her gig at Casa Roble High School after vindictive parents ratted her out-- they were upset that their daughters had skipped school and, therefore, had been kicked off the squad, so they decided to punish the one responsible for following the rules. But the story may not be over yet-- while a lawsuit isn't looking too strong, thanks to that pesky "no going out and doing Playboy behind our backs" clause in the contract she signed, Carlie may not be going gently into that good night... of teaching, that is...

Various local news sources in the Sacramento area, including the Bee and First Coast News, covered a protest lead by some of the students at Carlie's former place of employment. Strangely enough, the members of this angry mob are all female. And cheerleaders, perhaps:

Carrying signs and chanting, "We want Carlie back!" We want Carlie back," five freshmen protested after classes let out at Orangevale's Casa Roble High School.
The girls who made the cheerleading squad said they support former cheerleading coach Carlie Beck.
Cheerleader Maisie Tyree said Beck "was nothing but nice to every single girl. She was nice to the girl that couldn't try out and it was totally wrong what her parents did. It was the only card they could pull."

Catie Cullen agreed. "(Beck) wasn't the one who told us about the photos. She was a role model for us. She was an amazing coach," Cullen said.
The girls said they didn't see anything wrong with Beck's pictures. They also said they had their parents' permission to demonstrate after school.

But Heather Giniella, the parent who told administrators about Beck, said she was outraged when she learned about Beck's pictures. Her daughter was barred from cheerleading tryouts.

"This is something that I would have brought to the attention principal whether (my daughter) was on the team or not," Giniella said.

Beck told school officials about her modeling. She said the situation has been difficult of her.

"I really learned to love these girls as well as their parents. I definitely appreciate all the support I've been shown,' Beck said. [First Coast News]

Of course, parents interviewed for other stories agreed with the firing, even though, as it turns out, Carlie posed for Playboy before taking the teaching job. Unfortunately, though, it doesn't sound like the administrators are going to take her back. Perhaps the students can reenact the ending of Dead Poets Society, with an extra cheer involved, when their favorite mentor comes to pick up last paycheck...

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Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

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Burlesque: the Movie

Colleen Kane — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 17:00:00 GMT

A film about burlesque called, er, Burlesque, is set to start filming next January. It's written by Steven Antin, the brother of Pussycat Dolls founder Robert Antin, and it's rumored that the star will be a first-time leading lady.

So which retro-fabulous celebrity is slated to star? It's not who Scanner readers might be hoping...

Christina Aguilera. You were thinking Dita Von Teese, weren't you? Also said to be attached to the project is pro dancer Julianne Hough, of Dancing With the Stars, who will play a pregnant showgirl.

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Media Fawning All Over Sasha Grey Now That They're Allowed To

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

Sasha Grey's mainstream breakout role in The Girlfriend Experience, playing later this month at the Tribeca Film Festival before a wider release in May, is exciting the elitist media on the east coast. They're all big fans of Grey, which means they've been waiting for years to get her (half?) naked for their magazines while interviewing her on their office couch. Thankfully, Grey is too wise and experienced to fall for their tricks... she ends up coming off as a well-adjusted, well, porn star.

In this week's New York Magazine, Grey talked about playing a Ashley Alexandra Dupre-era prostitute in her first "legitimate" feature film...

How were you cast?
One of Soderbergh’s writers, Brian Koppelman, contacted me through MySpace. I thought it was a joke, because I get a lot of fake offers on MySpace. Then Steven left me a voice mail.

What, as they say, was your motivation?
Steven was really secretive about the character, but he wanted me to bring a natural, uninhibited quality to the film. There’s a lot of scenes where I’m improvising. I sat at home, writing a lot, figuring out who she was. I’d take my notes to Steven.

You don’t actually have sex onscreen.
When I had the first meeting I assumed I would be naked and do a sex scene. Did I think I would do five, like in my adult work? No, but even up to the point where we were shooting, I thought there was going to be at least one sex scene.

That’s usually the first thing actresses clear up in their contracts.
The contract did say that I would be nude. But one of the clauses was [laughing] “You cannot have [real] sex.” To me, that was a pretty funny legality.

I imagine you’d never seen that before?
It was pretty weird. But it was great not to have sex—that would have been too easy. If you want to see me having sex, you can do that! Not doing it shifts the focus, because a lot of clients are there for more than the sex.

What’s your plan?
I’ve got to diversify myself. Do I want to be 35, having sex on-camera? No. I want to be sitting on a fucking porch at my beach house with my own successful company.

Via New York Magazine.

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Padma Lakshmi Suddenly, Surprisingly Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 16:58:00 GMT

The nude issue of Allure, which is out Tuesday the 21st of April, promises to be a smash success, thanks to the naked presence of Eliza Dushku, Chelsea Handler, Sharon Leal, Lynn Collins, and the hostess with the most sexiness, Padma Lakshmi.

The Top Chef star talked to the magazine about her breasts, her body, and sleeping in the nude-- in that order...

ALLURE: What did you do to prepare for the shoot?
PADMA LAKSHMI: "I exercised a little bit extra, but I actually think I look better when I have a little bit of weight on—my breasts are fuller, and I'm curvier than when I'm at my thinnest."

ALLURE: Are you confident about your body?
PL: "Yes; I like the way I look. I think I look better now than I did in my 20s, because I'm more confident about my body—and I don't want to look like anyone but myself."

ALLURE: Do you sleep naked?
PL: "I tend to sleep in the nude. I'm an innately tactile person and a very sensual-leaning woman. You have to use the word 'leaning' or it sounds like I'm boasting! When I'm in my own private space, I do spend time with very little on."

Emphasis added. Here are some more partial-nudes of Lakshmi from a photo shoot we've only recently discovered...

As we mentioned, Eliza Dushku and others also posed "nude" for the Allure issue...

ALLURE: What about [getting naked] these days?
ED: "I'll strip down to my underwear and my Ugg boots when I eat lunch in my trailer."

Sharon Leal, formerly of Boston Public and Guiding Light, and recently of Dreamgirls, was a bit shaky on the whole nudity thing:

ALLURE: What happened when you dropped the robe?
SL: "I just breathed and said to myself, 'I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful; I'm comfortable, I'm beautiful,' until I didn't have to say that anymore.... It's liberating, but posing once may be enough."

Chelsea Handler, the talk show host and standup comic, practically leapt at the chance to show off:

ALLURE: What was it like on the set?
CH: "I think it was easy—you're naked a couple times a day, so I think it would be easy for most women."
ALLURE: What body parts are you most proud of?
CH: "My boobs are good. They're real and perky. Even if you can't see them, the important thing is that I know about them, and the guys I've slept with know about them."

Lynn Collins, star of the recent bootleg sensation X-Men Origins: Wolverine agreed:

LYNN COLLINS: "Women with confidence in their bodies are the sexiest thing, so I put on my cape of courage and did it. It was quite liberating!"
ALLURE: What body part were you nervous to expose?
LC: "He shot that place where your butt meets your thigh. It's a special place on a woman; it's a highly erogenous zone, but it's one of the hardest places to get in shape."

Via Allure.

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Sloppy Seconds: TGIGF for @JesusChrist

Emily Farris — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 22:33:00 GMT

I made this for you. Well, I made it for me, but you can make it for yourself by using my recipe. It's a Green Eggs & Ham Easter casserole and it has biscuits (and cheese!) on top. [Slashfood]

Billy Bob Thornton was booed onstage while performing with his band Boxmasters in Canada. But not necessarily because they were bad, but because prior to that he'd gotten into it with a local DJ who then introduced him at the show. [MTV]

Aren't women supposed to go around bragging about affairs with rockstars? You know, like that one we had with Jim James*? [People]

When we went to the New School we, for the most part, stayed clear of the protests. Good thing, because it seems they end with pepper spray. [DailyIntel]

Freddy Prinze Jr and Sarah Michelle Gellar are expecting a baby vampire slayer. [People]

Guess who has a book deal? Meghan McCain, daughter of Senator John and Cookie Monster Cindy has apparently signed a deal with Hyperion to pen a book about politics. [Yahoo!]

We were never the best at anything as kids. So we totally would have taken being the best Ping Pong player. Too bad this six-year-old would have taken that away from us, too. [Neatorama]

Critics are slamming Miley Cyrus' big-screen Hannah Montana. Um, yeah. [Us]

Remember that funny Some E Card? Well, turns out Christ is on Twitter. Well, sort-of. Trinity Church in New York has decided to Tweet the Passion of the Christ. Will you follow Jesus? [Twitter]

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*In our dreams. Every night.

While You Were Sleeping: Post-Sex Guilt

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:52:00 GMT

Larry Craig, age four.

Loony Michele Bachman of Loony Minnesota (just kidding, although see above) knows there are exactly 17 socialists in Congress. You know, back in the day, we ran Joe McCarthy out of town with smarter quips than that.

Does your male lover suffer from "post-sex guilt?"

The White House is under attack! By bees.

Ah, yes, another crazy white supremacist with a firearm. Wonders never cease.

Britney Spears had this advice for her audience, generally made up of young girls and their patient mothers: "Don't smoke weed. Rock out with your cocks out. Peace, motherfuckers!"

Controversial (and therefore great) filmmaker Kirby Dick follows up his anti-MPAA movie "This Film Is Not Rated" with a movie that attempts to expose closeted American political figures.

Farrah Fawcett is well enough to leave the hospital.

Just in time for Easter, the Nestle's Chocolate Milk thief has struck again in Congress.

And Sony wants to put its movies on YouTube for free. We'll believe it when we get to the end credits.

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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Spring Movies Full of Steamy Sex Scenes, Apparently

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:20:00 GMT

Today's Entertainment Weekly blogs are all about sex scenes in movies. Sex scenes in Lifetime movies, even.

If this is a true indicator of what to expect, then Spring 2009 is going to go down as having some of the hottest cinematic love scenes ever...

First EW's Popwatch has this trailer from the upcoming Cherrybomb, Rupert Grint's breakthrough-from-child-star movie:

That's bound to be saucy, even though we'll keep screaming silently, "Ron Weasley's snorting drugs!"

Meanwhile, Seth Rogan's new movie, Observe and Report, is like that Kevin James Mall Cop movie, except this actually attempts to be funny. Of course, seeing as how this is Seth Rogan, there is a good degree of envelope pushing, particularly when it comes to the sex scene. According to various sources, Rogan's character has a crush on Anna Faris's makeup counter girl character and gets her drunk on tequila one night. While she's passed out, he tries to make out with her and gets a mouth full of vomit... or something. Then, it gets all rape-y:

"I sort of thought that our 'tender lovemaking moment,' [director] Jody [Hill] was like, 'Okay, you guys are having sex and you're going to have some vomit come out of your mouth, you're passed out and your boobs are jiggling all over,'" Faris said. "I was comforted by the studio. I was like, there's no way [they'll let this pass]. There's no way. I'll do it, sure, because I don't want to be a stick in the mud but there's no way this is going to make it in the movie." [Starpulse]

Q: In that unusual sex scene, did you actually consent? Anna: I said, “Why are you stopping, mother fucker!,” and I meant it. Seth: The implication would be to keep going, yes. Anna: It was great to see that with an audience. One journalist told me that she was ready to walk away from the movie, and then, when I mumbled that line, it’s like, “Oh, my God!” It was great to see the reaction from the audience. Seth: You can literally feel people thinking, “What are they going to do to make this okay? How is this going to be acceptable?” And then, she says the one thing that makes it acceptable. It’s perfect! We did that in one take. We literally had one camera and one take. I think it took under a minute to film that scene. [Movies Online]
In retrospect, Faris is happy her love scene goes all the way. "I'm grateful, I'm grateful," she said. "I'm grateful that the movie is unapologetic." [Starpulse]

Observe and Protect is out on Friday in America. Cherrybomb is expected to be released by summer in the UK.

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Christina Ricci Was Born To Be A Porn Star

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 16:10:00 GMT

Don't take this the wrong way-- we didn't mean that title as some sort of insult to the wonderful and wildly popular crush object Christina Ricci.

Ricci is set to star in a new movie called "Born to Be A Star," which is about a guy who discovers his parents were major porn stars in the 1970s...

According to the Hollywood Reporter (thanks to The Screengrab for the heads up), Adam Sandler co-wrote the movie and Tom Brady is directing. We're assuming it's a different Tom Brady than the quarterback who married Giselle Bundchen (again) in Costa Rica over the weekend. Here's the rundown:

The story centers on a small-town nerd who stumbles upon a family secret: His quiet and demure parents were famous porn stars in the 1970s. This motivates him to leave Northern Iowa for Hollywood, hoping to follow in their footsteps and fulfill his destiny as the biggest adult-film star in the world.

Ricci, the female lead, is the guy's innocent girlfriend.

There's no word on nude scenes or, more specifically, Christina Ricci nude scenes, but we're guessing this might be a raunchy PG-13 that pushes the rating as far as it can go-- in other words, no sex scenes in a movie about... porn.

One more tidbit:

Despite Sandler and Giarraputo's involvement, the movie is not a Happy Madison production but rather by porn title-friendly entity Miles Deep Prods.

Via the Hollywood Reporter.

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"The Running Man" is Coming True

Colleen Kane — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 21:32:00 GMT

The 1987 film The Running Man, based on the Stephen King short story, was showing on one of the movie channels last night, prompting Mr. Fiance and I to reflect how close we are to that dystopia coming true. Reality series have almost gotten to the point where humans are being hunted down for the entertainment of the home viewers.

Wait, did I say "almost"? Just found out that this scenario is really going to happen. And the hunter will be...

The Nuge.

"Runnin' Wild...From Ted Nugent" will debut on CMT in August. (Of course it will be on CMT.)

Thank yooou, and have a good weekend.

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Why Marisa Tomei Finally Went Naked

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 18:04:00 GMT

Marisa Tomei gave an interview to TotalFilm this month on her career and, most importantly to readers, her decision to accept a series of roles that required sex and nakedness.

We hesitate to use the term "revealing" when describing this excerpt (and accompanying NSFW photos, of course), but maybe that's because the pun is so obvious...

"I definitely feel like I didn't want to do that kind of thing when I was younger because I didn't think that it was something a serious actress would do, in a way there is validity to that...
"It's harder to be taken seriously when you're younger, doing [nude scenes] but I've also come to a point of being able to handle the reaction to it - that probably would have been more difficult when I was younger."
On finally undressing for The Wrestler and Before The Devil Knows You're Dead: "I did those two movies because I was grateful to have them come along, frankly.
"I wanted to work with Sidney Lumet and Ethan [Hawke] and Phil [Seymour Hoffman] and Albert Finney.
"Actually, I wasn't so thrilled about the nudity package that was coming with it, but it was the best thing that was offered to me at the time and I really wanted to work, and I trusted Sidney so much.
"Maybe growing older there's an inner sense of what I can trust and I knew I could trust him. So it came out of that." [Press Association]

Growing older or not, this was worth the wait. Keep 'em coming, you amazingly talented, sexy, and very naked "older woman..."

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Cloris Leachman Won't Wait For Her Entree, Wants You Now

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 13:44:00 GMT

Seeing The Last Picture Show on VHS at age 12 did three things for our childhood: 1) we finally understood why men salivated over Cybill Shepherd; 2) we became madly obsessed with the honky tonk music of Hank Williams and 3) we developed a crush on an actress we assumed was still a total unknown, an Oscar winner named Cloris Leachman.

In the movie, Leachman seduces (or allows herself to be seduced by) a shy high school boy, who ultimately falls in love with her and loses her in a fit of miscommunication. Leachman, who plays an aging housewife in a heartbreaking marriage, gives one of the best performances in screen history and virtually could have been her own movie.

Last year, when Leachman was on Dancing With the Stars, her career took off again and, to capitalize on it, the sexy senior is dishing dirt on her romances with famous co-stars and other Hollywood dudes, leaving out none of the racy details...

On then box-office sensation Gene Hackman:

"As we moved into the main course, it was as if a cosmic wind enveloped us. Some giant space magnet was pulling us together. We didn't finish the meal. We went upstairs, flew into bed and made love. It was epic. And the next morning, Gene went back to his film and I went back to mine. I haven't seen Gene since that night, but I remember well the feisty lad he was."

On Ed Asner, her co-star on the Mary Tyler Moore Show (yep, that's where you know her from):

"He always told me he loved me, and every once in a while, he'd grab me and whisper, 'You're God's gift to man!'

"One day we made an agreement that I would have sex with him if he lost 32 pounds. He almost did it; he lost 29 pounds. We both got so disoriented at what we were facing that his weight shot back up, and our assignation never happened."

And on singer Andy Williams, a lifelong friend:

"enduring passion" "tryst with caviar and champagne" "a cascade of photographs fell onto the floor and into my lap. All were handsome shots of his wife and his daughter.
"There was not much either of us could say. It was apparent to both of us where Andy's heart lay. . . . [It] ended not in a fiery affair but as it should have, with a light, friendly kiss."

In case 82-year-old Leachman is starting to turn you on, there's this news from yesterday:

68 percent of men between 57 and 85 reported having sex last year, as did 42 percent of women... more older women might have wanted to have sex, but there just aren't as many available older men for them to partner with. [HealthDay]

That's where you come in, dear readers...

Excerpts obtained by the NY Post.

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Today in WTF: Burying Fetishes

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 17:50:00 GMT

Have you ever heard of a burial fetish? You have now... and you're about to discover more about it than you ever wanted to...

Readers alerted us to a website for an independent film production company in Massachusetts that churns out "Damsel in Distress" videos, often featured bound-and-gagged women laying on train tracks or-- and this is what caught our attention-- buried up to their necks in dirt and mud.

For their troubles, these "actresses" are paid the following wages:

So, if you just want to do a simple feature, sinking up to the neck (and likely getting rescued!!), you would receive $25 for the feature, for about 60-70 minutes of your time. We supply all the clothing you need, except for what you wear underneath (we recommend a simple bathing suit--one that you don’t mind getting dirty).

If you want to do a full submergence sinking (your head goes completely under), you will receive $50 for about 60-70 minutes of your time. Again, we supply the clothing, except what you wear underneath--again, we recommend that you bring your own bathing suit.

Should you wish to bring your own outfit for the video shoot, we'll pay $10 extra to cover your cleaning. Outfits would have to be either a skirt with a top, or a dress, plus your own shoes (no sneakers). Lingerie is also possible, but no pants. We're assuming you have outfits you don't really wear anymore that would get tossed anyways. So, you will receive $35 for sinking up to your neck and bringing your own outfit.

Finally, if you want to wear your own clothes, and go completely under, then you would receive $60 for about 60-70 minutes of your time. Note that, for some of the story lines (for instance, the ruthless queen of an Egyptian Pharoah, who meets her deserving end in the shifting sands of the desert) will require special costumes--which we will provide for you. We would not expect any actress to have this type of attire.

This film company is catering to a market that includes visitors to... well. Actually, we couldn't find any "burying fetish" websites. Perhaps someone could explain to us how this is just a harmless "fetish" and that there's no reason to freak out over people getting off on burying terrified women "up to their necks."

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Sacha Baron Cohen Tries to Seduce Ron Paul, Hilarity Ensues

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 19:31:00 GMT

The Bruno movie doesn't come out in July, but thanks to the internet, much of the jokes have already been ruined.

First, there was the whole gay Arkansas wrestling match. Then, that airport runway show. And rumor after rumor... until now.

Last night, the new Sacha Baron Cohen previewed at SXSW in a 20-minute version and Twitter twits have been spoiling the story all day. Meanwhile, Slate reports on a Los Angeles screening, which featured the entire director's cut and this instant-classic scene in which Sacha Baron Cohen attempts to seduce Ron Paul in the most hilarious way imaginable...

...Bruno gets the idea that you have to make a sex tape to become famous. (Stop reading here if you want to see the movie unspoiled.)

...Bruno sits across from Ron Paul. ...a light blows out on the set. Bruno apologizes for the technical difficulties and suggests that he and Paul wait in the other room while the crew fixes the light.

The other room, it turns out, is a bedroom. The lighting is low, and the film is now grainy.... There's a spread of Champagne and strawberries and caviar on a table.

Bruno tells Paul to make himself comfortable. Paul sits down on the bed. Bruno turns on some music and starts dancing. Paul is visibly uneasy but doesn't say anything at first. He picks up a newspaper and pretends to read it. "You can tell at each weird gay detail, he [chalks] it up to, This guy is European," says one of the attendees.

Finally, Paul asks what's going on. "Don't worry about it, Dr. Paul," says Bruno, who then unbuckles his belt and drops his pants. At that point, Paul snaps up and storms out of the room.

As Paul is walking away, you can hear him say, several times, something like, "This guy is a queer!" "The word queer comes out of his mouth three or four times," says an attendee. [Slate]

But one blogger rebuts the Slate story:

When Ron Paul came on screen the majority of the audience cheered, clapped, and hollered. The Slate article was inaccurate regarding Ron Paul's scene however. When Bruno pulled his pants down, Paul jumped up and tried to leave the bedroom, but was blocked by Bruno. Paul yelled, "Get out of here," and pushed him aside... he said something to the effect of, "That guy's queerer than blazes." [LRC Blog]

There may be no way of knowing for sure until a) someone leaks the bootleg (soon, we hope!) or b) Larry Charles finally sends us the promised advance screener.

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The Dark Knight Starting To Inspire Copycat Crazies

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:54:00 GMT

We're surprised it's taken this long for the world's bumbling criminals to fall in love with Heath Ledger's depiction of The Joker, perhaps one of the most memorable villains in Hollywood history.

First, a tragic example of someone who took the joke a little too far, followed by a more positive note...

Army Spc. Christopher Lanum, 25, a suspect in the stabbing of a fellow soldier, Spc. Mitchell Stone, at Fort Eustis, was killed hours after the attack when he pointed a loaded shotgun at police after a chase. He had reportedly painted his face and dressed to look like The Joker, the villain from Batman comics and the movie The Dark Knight.

Lanum was apparently obsessed with the villain, according to reports filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. The records stated that Patsy Montowski, Lanum's girlfriend, indicated that Lanum:
"said everything The Joker did he did for a reason, like killing people, and that he agreed with the philosophy of doing things for a reason." [SNAFU-ed]

Perhaps the most depressing part of the tale is their quote from Lanum's mother: "All I can tell you is that Christopher served 18 months in Iraq and he never came actually home to us."

Another young man adopted the movie character as his hero, with very different results:

"Some kid dressed up as the Joker was caught stealing movie posters from a theatre's lobby and was consequently arrested for it." Holy hooligans! Phony 'Joker' arrested in Michigan [Comcast.net]

The mugshot, seen here, is almost adorable.

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