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Today is the Day the Music Died

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:49:00 GMT

On February 3, 1959, a small chartered airplane carrying rock 'n roll singers and virtual superstars Buddy Holly, Richie Valens, and the Big Bopper (alias of J.P. Richardson) crashed in an Iowa field, killing them instantly.

While everyone knows this story, recounted in the famous tribute "American Pie," a #1 single by Don McLean, the so-called "Day the Music Died" is most interesting for all the many strange and unusual turn of events that led Holly, Valens, and Richardson to fly that plane...

Here are the more memorable coincidences, fateful decisions, and other story elements we've retained from numerous news stories over the years:

1) There was never supposed to be a plane. Even back then, rock stars had a large touring bus in which to commute to their endless gigs. Unfortunately, they were doing a Midwestern tour in the winter and their ride's heating system had collapsed.

2) They were supposed to have the next day off. Greedy promoters spotted an open date on the tour itinterary and called a ballroom owner in Moorhead, Minnesota, eventually the plane's intended destination, and secured a booking.

3) Richie Valens wasn't supposed to be on the plane at all. He flipped for a seat with the touring guitar player and won his spot.

4) The Big Bopper didn't have a seat on the plane either. (In fact, the singer Dion would've been the fourth famous singer killed that day if he hadn't of balked at the $36 airfare.) In perhaps one of the most important moments in both rock and roll and modern country music, Waylon Jennings had the final spot on the plane, but gave it up to the whining Richardson. When Buddy Holly spotted Waylon leaving the aircraft with his belongings, he jokingly snapped, "Well, I hope you're ol' bus freezes up." Jennings laugh and shot back, "Yeah, well, I hope your ol' airplane crahses." No wonder the man drank himself to oblivion in his later years...

5) The pilot wasn't an experienced nighttime flyer and was misinformed about weather conditions. It is said that poor visibility and a lack of sufficient operating instruments were likely leading contributors in the crash, which killed the pilot on impact.

Looking for something uplifting after all this? Thanks to the magic of technology, the great work these gentlemen did before their untimely deaths is preserved for all time... here's Buddy Holly, for starters:

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 22:25:00 GMT

Patrick Dempsey didn't dig the doc firing on Grey's Anatomy. Perhaps he knows something we don't about ABC's true motives?

This guy will either be dead or a legend by 27.

Eddie Izzard made the really dumb decision, as he is not a US citizen, to donate to Obama. He made an even dumber one when he admitted to doing so on CNN.

Michael Crichton died of cancer, a battle which was kept entirely private.

Who gave 50 Cent a reality show? Jesus Christ. Well, at least it's a positive show for a change.

And Amy Winehouse's husband ("Blakey," we think his name is) was released from jail after a year of hell... or, if you're married to Amy Winehouse, womb-like bliss.

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Vogue Gives $200 Umbrella to India's Poor, Snaps a Photo and Quickly Gets in the Car

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:39:00 GMT

This is a photo from the August issue of Vogue India. It shows a man from Rajasthan in India holding a $200 Burberry umbrella. The woman has an Etro bag. It's probably safe to assume the models in these photos cannot afford a $200 umbrella and would have the good sense not to buy one if they could. But, it looks like Vogue figured using average Indians to model expensive good would make a pretty picture, or at least be cleverly tongue-in-cheek.

Obviously, not everyone agrees.

There’s nothing “fun or funny” about putting a poor person in a mud hut in clothing designed by Alexander McQueen, [Kanika Gahlaut, a columnist for the daily newspaper Mail Today] said in a telephone interview. “There are farmer suicides here, for God’s sake” she said, referring to thousands of Indian farmers who have killed themselves in the last decade because of debt.

Vogue editor Priya Tanna's defense:

Vogue is about realizing the “power of fashion” she said, and the shoot was saying that “fashion is no longer a rich man’s privilege. Anyone can carry it off and make it look beautiful,” she said.

We are all about the message that the trappings of wealth and power are no longer just available to those with wealth and power. But in order for that to be a convincing message, you'd actually have to redistribute wealth and power. Photographing supposed "have nots" with $10,000 handbags does not send the message that fashion is for everyone, it reinforces the message that very few of India's 1.2 billion people have access to luxury goods (shit, plenty of people don't have access to enough food). The photo's conceit "works" because you'd never see this in real life--not because you should, or could as Priya Tanna claims.

While this is definitely not the first time regular folks have been appropriated for the profit and amusement of privileged readers, viewers, visitors, etc., to do so in the interest of selling useless, over-priced crap is even more infuriating.

China Rebrands With... Death Star 2.0?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:04:00 GMT

China launched its plan for world domination on Friday with a swarm of drummers, dancers and flying levitating corporate logos meant to hypnotize every human on the planet.

Billed “One World, One Dream” by the time they beat us into submission with their 18000-strong storm trooper synchronized drumming, the planet was too enraptured to worry about the Death Star rising from the stadium depths.

Not to be left out, global corporations will play a major role in the New World Order. Telecom giant AT&T is limiting communications, Google is censoring the Internet, and Nike will expand its program to enslave our young people. Nike has also struck a deal to finally outfit the global population with those silver jumpsuits we were promised so many decades ago.

Our world leaders were also on hand to grace China’s takeover. President Bush and others waved feebly to our nation’s young elites as they marched proudly to their doom dressed as, well, our nation’s young elites.

To ensure complete submission, event organizers even enlisted the Voice of God to give His blessing and reassure the masses of our Dear Leader’s Benevolence. It is hoped that with so much entertainment the world will not pay too much attention phase II of “One World One Dream", which began simultaneously with much less fanfare but just as many fireworks in Georgia.

With this New World Order in place China is also hoping to expand its prison, science and citizen disappearance programs, which in the least would give our local Bodies exhibit a little more variety.

Photo via Dead Spin.

-written by Byron Dafoe, who is filling in for Verena this week

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Latest McCain Supporter Scandal Will Boggle Your Mind

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 16:12:00 GMT

John McCain. Can we all agree he is going to carry on the Bush legacy of boneheaded remarks, thinking Vladimir Putin is the President of Germany, and associating himself with lunatic party stalwarts?

At least McCain knows how to play politics-- following extremely offensive comments made by Clayton Williams, who was about to host a six-figure fundraiser for the Senator, McCain canceled his appearance and...

Well... you're probably going to shake your head when you hear what McCain did... but you're totally gonna freak when you hear what Williams said to start this whole mess...

According to a left-wing website called The Jed Report:

Yesterday, John McCain cancelled his attendance at a fundraiser with Clayton Williams, who gave the following advice to rape victims: "As long as it's inevitable, you might as well lie back and enjoy it."

But it turns out that Williams had already raised $300,000 for McCain -- and now McCain says he is keeping it all.

What he should do is take that $300,000 and donate it to a violence against women crisis and prevention center.

We've certainly heard a boatload about "Barack Hussein Obama and Reverend Jeremiah Wright," but do we ever hear anything these days about "John McCain and Pastor Hagee" or "John McCain and Clayton Williams?" All are supporters of their respective candidates, all said explosive, offensive, even racist things and were subsequently exiled from the campaigns, but which offender is still on the news, almost daily, chastised over and over?

Ha... "liberal" media...

Via liberal media outlet the Jed Report.

The Heartwarming Story of A Debtor's Revenge

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 16:30:00 GMT

It started out as a gag, a way for one anonymous man, allegedly in debt, to get back at Capitol One, but it quickly escalated into an internet sensation in Britain. The man posted the transcripts of his calls on an online forum devoted to money saving tips, where other users him on for several days. Then in March, a twist in the proceedings allowed the debtor to turn the tables on his tormentors and have the last laugh...

For the past two months, a poster under the name of "zincoxide" has been writing on the Money Saving Expert forum about his conversations with representatives of Debitas Legal Services. Debitas, which purports to be a debt collection agency although is in fact itself operated out of Capitol One, has been harassing "zincoxide" with up to 17 phone calls per day about his debt. What debt, says "Mr. X"? His card, he claims, "was used fraudulently" and he doesn't owe them a shilling. The fighting quickly turned ugly-- and off-the-wall funny, as per the below:

Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth?
Me: 25/12/00
Debitas: Sorry
Me: 25/12/00 - I am Jesus
Debitas: Sorry?
Me: That's Ok, I forgive all sins
Debitas: Is this Mr X
Me: You are speaking to Jesus
Debitas: Urm.....(hangs up)

No two calls are ever the same, nor does Mr. X/"zincoxide" ever repeat his characters, such as the old man who has lost his hearing aid:

Debitas: Can you confirm your date of birth and post code?
Me: I don't really want to
Debitas: If it makes you feel any better, these details are available to the public on the electoral role
Me: Great! Why don't you confirm my details there and call me back!!
Debitas: How is that confirming your identity?
Me: Speak up
Debitas: (shouting) How is that confirming your identity?!
Me: I don't need to confirm my identity - I know who I am
Debitas: You are not helping yourself and you'll learn this in the future
Me: Oh dear - are you gonna send the boys around?
Debitas: A bailiff may be sent around
Me: Oh I hope he's the rugby type - does he have a firm bum?
Debitas: Keep your mobile on Mr X (hangs up)

Sometimes Debitas tries to call him back instantly to throw him off, but X always brings his A game. In one conversation, they ask him who he is and he replies, "the burglars." When they try to catch him faking by asking him to repeat his address, he deadpans, "I don't know, but there was a window open." The idiots amazingly continue to play along with his charades on every call. (Don't miss page 5, in which X pretends to be a Debitas operator that the Debitas rep has called by accident.)

Mr. X has tormented his equally anonymous callers by badly crooning "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"; answering under the guise of the STD helpline and inquiring as to the intensity of the caller's "burning sensation"; and forcing callers to mimic his mock-flamboyant "wassssupp" before answering any of their questions (they actually comply!) For 16 of the thread's 27 webpages, the two forces duke it out call by recorded cellphone call, until one side grudgingly admits defeat:

Debitas: Sorry sir - we are no longer dealing with this account
Me: Has it been passed on?
Debitas: The only notes I have on my screen are telling me we are no longer pursuing this debt
Me: Does that mean it's been passed back to capital one or you've sold it to someone else?
Debitas: It appears that we still have the debt but are no longer chasing payment

But Mr. X would not go gently into that good night. No, at this point, he'd gone from being upset to looking forward to their harassing calls, just so he could have a few laughs. He had to have one more, lest the whole thing ended with a whimper:

I decided that I would invoice Debitas for each call & text message I received after asking them to reply by letter ONLY. I have charged then £50 per call or text message and was amazed to find that it comes to £2450!! [Ed.: Note that this is far greater than Mr. X's debt.]
[T]he invoice... [gives] them 15 days to pay - after which time they will be charged interest at 8% per MONTH and I have also informed them that I am prepared to pass the invoice to a debt collection agency should they fail to pay.

Has anyone else out there turned the tables on collection agencies, telemarketers, or just your boring old neighborhood "breather"?

Video of the Day: Can't Buy Her Love

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 18:20:00 GMT

Heather Mills, nee McCartney, is the ultimate gold digger. We can officially call her that now that she's robbed Paul McCartney of 25 million pounds sterling.

Although she is in big with charities all over the world, including Adopt A Landmine, is there anyone out there who seriously believes this woman, obviously suffering from euphoria (as well as bitterness that her settlement wasn't 200 million) is going to give the majority of her windfall to charity? Or really much of it at all?

Video of the Day: "Moment of Truth" For Lauren Cleri, Humanity

Bryan Christian — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:00:00 GMT

Holy Hannah! We are flabbergasted at the way Moment of Truth (Mondays on Fox!) contestant Lauren Cleri shivs her husband on national TV for $100,000 in the first minute of this clip. And it gets weirder from there. By the end, that dude from Antiques Roadshow is sermonizing like a Jerry Springer understudy and, even more strangely, you might actually have some sympathy for Mrs. (though we're guessing soon it'll be Ms.) Cleri.

Goddamn you, WGA! Your strike may be over, but the carnage you've wrought will never end!

UPDATE: Gawker's found her MySpace page and the New York Post got an interview with young Lauren. Apparently, she did it for the money. Ohhhhhhhh...

[via]