Scanner : models

Sloppy Seconds: In Which We Consider Michael Chabon's Sexuality, Again

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

Do you have what it takes to put together lists of the hottest women in the world (eyes, the ability to count to 100 with or without the help of a computer)? Then you might be in the running toward becoming FHM's next top editor-in-chief. They're looking. [Brand Republic]

Levi Johnston: proof that even if you're a teenage father you can still dream big. Johnston's dream? Becoming a model or actor, of course. [Gawker]

Howard Stern is now Twittering. Well, really it's the Howard Stern Show, which probably means there's a ghost Twitterer. And he is following no one. Jerk. [Twitter]

Half of the female contestants on Bravo's new show "Top Chef Masters" are "chefbians." Er, um, chefs who also happen to be lesbians. [AfterEllen]

What's Prince up to these days? Oh, just singing about Salma Hayek's curves. [Us]

How in the hell did we miss Gay Clay Aiken on America's Next Top Model? [People]

Having read the majority of Michael Chabon's published work, we always questioned his sexuality. We were not the only ones. And apparently we missed that thing he wrote about the time he slept with a man. [Queerty]

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Sloppy Seconds: Tyra's Abusive Relationship

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 22:47:00 GMT

Ovarian cancer, which is known as the silent killer because it's so hard to detect in early stages, killed 15,000-plus women in the US last year. But now, doctors are a step closer to developing a way to screen for it. [Us News & World Report]

Mandy Moore and Ryan Adams, who just got engaged last month, supposedly married in Savannah, GA this week. [People]

Gisele would like her new husband Tom Brady to put a baby in her. Right now. [Us]

The worst craigslist job posting of the day? Asking writers to contribute a story with a minimum of 2,000 words for $20 about how they have quit caffeine. One would have to be on some form of caffeine—if not crack—to be willing to write 2,000 words for $20. [Craigslist Kansas City]

In the wake of the Chris Brown Rihanna mess, Tyra Banks is devoting tomorrow's show to the topic of teen dating abuse. And Ms. Banks will add a personal touch to the conversation, though it appears her relationship was more emotionally abusive than physically abusive. [FadedYouth]

PapSmeared: Pam Anderson Mistakes Fashion Week for 'Baywatch' Reunion, Busts Out the Bedazzler

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

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WIRED Analysis: Playboy's Incredibly Shrinking Women

Colleen Kane — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 18:15:00 GMT

WIRED crunched some numbers, namely the proportions of Playboy models from 1954 to the present day, and determined what we've noticed just through casual observation: earlier Playboy models had a bit more meat on their bones compared to the models of today, who are proportioned more like anime characters. This is in contrast to the average American man and woman, who is getting larger over time. But somehow, the breast sizes of models have mysteriously stayed in the C-D cup range, even though the bust sizes have gone down.

Surprisingly, while to us this study emphasises that women were beautiful back in the 50s and didn't have to mutate to their current unnatural format, the findings have proven rather controversial in the comments of the WIRED article...

LOL! Post a story like this trying to extrapolate that Playboy is sexist and has unrealistic ideals of womanhood, and a bunch of number-crunching nerds go, "wait, the ideal has remained remarkably consistent, modern women are just pigs"... I love it...
Why is this a problem? No, really? It's a mildly interesting fact, perhaps a good cocktail party starter, but . . . who cares? Women who constantly compare themselves to Playboy models (note "models", not "regular women") are like guys who constantly compare themselves to a sports figure or Donald Trump: woefully insecure. Fantasy is fantasy, not ideology, folks.
Playboy doesn't "want" its readers to lust after androids. Playboy simply provides images that guys want to see. If guys liked looking at pics of 200 pound women, that's what playboy would publish. The models are simply getting skinnier and in better shape because they workout, where as in the 60's women never did.
This article is just another in a long line of sad attempts by women to rationalize men's lust for skiny, big boobed hot chicks. Sorry ladies, its not the media or playboy's fault. Nobody has brainwashed us. Its just the way we are.

This response seems kind of grim for the future of women's morphing bodies, or at least the bodies of women who aspire to be in Playboy.

Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

That Wasn't Bikini Girl's First Time in a Bikini...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:06:00 GMT

One suspects that Katrina Darrell sleeps, operates motor vehicles, and possibly showers while wearing her trademark skimpy bikini. The doomed (we say) American Idol contestant likely has no interest in actually winning the show (she has no chance-- can you imagine the female backlash, via text message, once audience voting heats up?) She's there to show off her body in hopes a modeling agency will snap her up.

And just to make sure, she's made the public well aware that there are oodles of swimsuit shots of her floating around on the internet...

Personally, we could care less about Fox's made-up fight between Darrell and Kara DioGuardi, the new judge in town. We could care less about either of them, in fact. All we want to know is how to get in touch with this young hopeful, Casey Carlson.

(By the way, the question "can she sing?" is irrelevant, since no one who has ever appeared on the show, besides perhaps Jennifer Hudson, has ever kept us from fleeing the supermarket when their songs come on.)

Forget about the so-called "Bikini Girl," this is the bikini-clad gal of our dreams-- and although this is Photoshopped to all hell, it's clear she at least has some meat on those bones...

More of her here.

Bacon Bra, Meet Your Soulmate

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Remember this from last year? Some of you must've, since it got linked just about everywhere and caused at least two vegetarians to publicly convert. (Okay, we made up the latter detail.)

The sports blog InGameNow has unveiled... the bacon bikini...

Another perk thanks to working from home: we can order four bacon cheeseburgers and no one is here to stop us. Or steal them.

By the way, the Modern Materialist has a purse for those ladies who love bacon... overcooked bacon, that is:

More photos at InGameNow.

Related:

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Fatties: Get Up, Get Out So You Can Still Get it Up

Today in Food Porn: The Bacon Bra

Carmen Electra's Latest Playboy Shoot Explains Why The Magazine Is Failing

Sloppy Seconds: As a Supermodel Goes Off the Market a Crackhead Goes On

Emily Farris — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 00:02:00 GMT

India, the Bush family's cat, is dead at 18. [Yahoo!]

Alan S. Geisler, creator of red onion sauce for hotdogs, is dead at 78. [City Room]

Oh, snap. We forgot George W. Bush was still the president. [DailyIntel]

It looks like Blake Fielder-Civil really is planning to divorce that crackhead Amy Winehouse. [People]

After numerous rumors that the couple engaged earlier, supermodel Gisele Bundchen and Patriots quarterback Tom Brady are finally, really engaged. The world is preparing for more beautiful babies. [People]

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Model Suing Google Over Blogger's Mean Remarks

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Model Liskula Cohen is suing Google's Blogger.com site to learn the identity of the nasty bully who said all these horrible things about her delightful appearance...

According to the New York Daily News and other sources, the anonymous blog's entries included the following comments about the runway model:

"skank" "old hag" "#1 skanky superstar" "fortysomething" [she's 36] "may have been hot 10 years ago"
[and it's headlined] "Desperation seeps from her soul, if she even has one,"

Sounds like she has a bitter rival-- another model, perhaps, jealous of her supposed fling with David Schwimmer (you heard it here first-- but don't sue is, Ms. Cohen!)

Liskula responded in kind (well, a "liveandlove" did, but we have our theories who that is a cover for) on the post, which is now missing in action:

"Are you one of those little dumpy girls who hang off her every word? Or do you wait three hours in line at a club, when she breezes right in? [You're a] silly, silly fat girl.
"Tell me, are you easier to walk over or around?"

Sometimes, in anger, we say things that are way worse than the bullies who started the spat in the first place. Good luck in court, Liskula.

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

Leryn Franco is Smokin', Has Pole

Agyness Deyn Looks Even More Like A Boy In Sketch Form

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Ever wanted to see nude drawings of Agyness Deyn, Karl Lagerfeld and Donatella Versace?

Us neither, but they're after the jump anyway...

The point of these semi-nudes? We're not sure, although they are all drawings for Grazia Daily, a UK-based publication, and by Henry Holland. Holland, an artist/designer/fashion person, is widely recognized as the man who discovered Deyn, a feat of historic and earth-shaking proportions.

Photo via the Bosh.

Is "Tech Sex" Somewhere Between Cyber Sex and Technical Sex?

What's It Like Having Sex With Leonardo DiCaprio?

Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

Top 10 Bond Girls Of All-Time

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 14 Nov 2008 16:22:00 GMT

Our personal preference is for Lois Chiles, who plays Holly Goodhead (what's wrong that name? huh?) in Moonraker (seen above), but these ten are unquestionably hot on every level. Together, they make it a tough act to follow for Olga, Gemma and their new movie, Quantum of Solace, which opens today in America....

10. Domino Petacchi (played by Kim Basinger) in Never Say Never Again

9. Lupe Lamora (played by Talisa Soto) in License To Kill

8. Domino (played by Claudine Auger) in Thunderball, who is not only one of her favorite Bond girls but one of the hottest women ever

7. Jinx (played by Halle Berry) in Die Another Day

6. Pam Bouvier (played by Carrie Lowell-- yes, Richard Gere's wife and the cutest of all Bond girls) in License To Kill

5. Plenty O'Toole (played by Lana Wood) in Diamonds Are Forever. While Jill St. John and her totally radical hair were more of a distraction for us while watching this, hearing Sean Connery moan "Oh, Plenty" or Lana's character is the trump card in this Vegas thriller.

4. Pussy Galore (played by Honor Blackman) in Goldfinger. How the hell did they get away with a name like that in the Production Code era? Well, we're all the better for it, somehow. We're not sure how, but anyway, this list isn't complete without her presence... and oh, how we dig that raspy voice...

3. Solange (played by Caterina Murino) in Casino Royale. Perhaps the only complaint we heard about the most recent classic Bond thriller (and it was classic, no question) was that Solange doesn't get laid and (SPOILER ALERT) doesn't make it past her handful of early scenes. We can't argue with that, although the scene featuring Murino riding a horse is pleasure enough for one PG-13 film.

2. Tracy Draco (played by Diana Rigg) in On Her Majesty's Secret Service, arguably the best Bond film and the only one starring Australian model/actor George Lazenby as 007. This is one hell of an entertainment-- Telly Savalas as the villain, a bunch of exercise vixens as brainwashed assassins, Bond gets married, and the tragic finale are not nearly as memorable as watching Miss Emma Peel in the throes of passion with James Bond.

1. Honey Ryder (played by Ursula Andress) in Dr. No. There's a reason Bond became famous... and it's not Sean Connery. Well, okay, it's Sean Connery, the whole "Bond, James Bond" line, some decent movies, and so forth. But would Dr. No have been the massive hit it was if Ursula Andress had not come out of the ocean in that bikini? We think not....

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Black James Bond?

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

Man Buys Camera On Ebay, Finds Treasure Trove Of MI6 Secret Documents

Who Would You Rather: Megan Fox vs. Gemma Arterton?

New Gemma Arterton Sex Scene Steams Us Up For Bond 22

Hot or Not? Heidi Klum's Got Milk Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:17:00 GMT

We've already established the fact that Heidi Klum is gorgeous and probably a cool gal in the Real World. And it should be a no-brainer that seeing Klum in her supposed Halloween costume (hint: it involves pigtails, a skirt, and working on a farm... it's automatically hot.)

However, this is the "got milk?" campaign we're talking about, which involves putting mustaches on females, as if that's hot. (Sorry, ladies, it's most certainly not-- even if it's only a dairy product and not actual hair.) After the jump, check out the full photo, outfit, and mustache in all its glory and let us know...

Bonus: adorable kittens!

Related:

Hot or Not: Heidi Klum Topless in Esquire

Top 10 Celebrities Who Are Probably Cool In Real Life

Co-Ed Magazine Picks The 52 Best All-Natural Breasts...

Sloppy Seconds: What Did Tina Fey Lose at the Emmys?

Commercial Features Nothing But Bikini Girls On Pogo Sticks

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 19:12:00 GMT

This commercial has been airing across the pond in the UK for some time now, although no one's really sure what it is...

...until the end, we're guessing...

We're not sure if the tagline "This is a film about insurance" is on the original ad or not, but it makes it so much more ridiculous. This is a film? Hell, this isn't even an ad... unless Trident Insurance is really a redirect to the Sports Illustrated swimsuit calendar mail order department...

Via Ad Gabber.

Related:

Loving, Naked Tributes to Sarah Palin Just Keep on Coming

Mom Gets Five Years In Prison For Going Down On Her Daughter's Friend

Sarah Palin Thinks Global Warming Is Polar Bear Sh*t

Hot or Not: The Lily Cole Playboy Cover?

Junior High Teacher Charged With... Oh My...

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:28:00 GMT

If you could afford it, would you shell out a million-and-a-half for the right to be this woman's first terrible mistake?

Perhaps inspired by the well-publicized case of the American woman who has sold her virginity for (at least) $275,000, Italian model Raffella Fico has offered herself up for the princely sum of $1.5 million. You got it? Take a look at these photos from Fico's modeling career and let us know whether you'd fund her new house and "acting lessons." (Oh, brother... for that kind of money in the US, she could buy 40 homes in California and raise Marlon Brando from the dead for a weekend intensive.)

We're betting Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi has already called to inquire as to the location of the bidding.

Related:

Caption This: Agyness Deyn And Her Friend's See-Through

22-Year-Old Woman Auctions Off Virginity On Howard Stern

While You Were Sleeping: All The Harry Potter Kids Are Getting Naked

"Paris Hilton's Vagina Bites Penguin" And Other Classic Celebrity Spam Headlines

Weirdo of the Day: San Francisco's "No Sex" Protestor

The 99 Most Degrading Sex Acts... There Has To Be One More, No?

Caption This: Agyness Deyn And Her Friend's See-Through

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 20:17:00 GMT

Golly, we just love these Fashion Week photos... not of any of these scary-looking pencils on the catwalk, but the celebutantes on the prowl after hours...

Agyness Deyn, boyfriend/alleged fiancee of Albert Hammond, Jr., was one of the healthier models to grace London's catwalks this week. My God, the woman who wore the outfit Agyness is wearing in these pictures? Please, if you're reading this, get some help.) After a show, she was out in a dress someone else wore and which was designed by her chum Henry Holland, and partying it up with Jaime Winstone in their revealing outfits.

But what's Agyness saying to Jaime in this photo... or is Jaime saying something to her? Your captions, in the comments...

Via The Daily Mail.

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Mischa Barton's Nip Slip

Caption This: Monkey Love

Caption This: Perv Photogs And Bai Ling's Nipple Slip

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:34:00 GMT

In a move that team owners are calling "True Fantasy Football," some burly middle-aged guys think they have unleashed the greatest new sport.

Forget the XFL. Forget Arena Football or even boring College Football. (We have.) The real threat to the NFL's stranglehold on the pigskin is a gimmick that combines dreaming about Victoria's Secret models and the other favorite male pastime: watching football on your fat ass...

Perhaps you heard about the Lingerie Bowl, taking place as a sort of alternative halftime show near the stadiums where the Super Bowl is held? Well, apparently, the virus is spreading... the LFL (as it may or may not be called in shorthand) has turned itself into a full-on league, with ten franchise teams and a major Lingerie Bowl in Tampa next year. As if Florida is in enough danger from criminals who host yard sales consisting of electronics they stole from their next door neighbors, a closeted homosexual Republican governor who pretends to be getting married, hurricanes, butterfly ballots, and a flooded coastline, they now have lingerie-clad football players helping usher in the apocalypse.

Then again, if this is what the apocalypse looks like, there's a soundbite that George W. Bush once stole from a Kirsten Dunst movie that we think might be appropriate here...

Some images via The Superficial, most of the bad ones via the actual LFL site.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

Sloppy Seconds: Hillary Clinton Nominated For President?

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 20:51:00 GMT

Would someone please make one of these for us and send it by mail to Scanner, New York, NY? Of course, you'll need to get us a nano, too...

Natalie Wood's longtime lover planned, at one point, to murder Warren Beatty. The world doesn't know how close it came to losing Bulworth.

The decision by America's Next Top Model to feature a transgender contestant has been met with praise from at least one group: GLAAD.

Rejoice, travelers: Gay sex is now A-OK with Panama!

Meghan McCain just wet her pants: the Hills spinoff is taking on D.C.

Christian Bale will not be charged with any hitting or not hitting of any family members.

And Hillary Clinton will be nominated at this month's Democratic National Convention. Symbolically, of course-- or so they promise us. Who wants odds that somebody's going to take this gimme and pull a coup?

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Update On The Christian Bale Story

McCain Blogette: Hot or Not?

What Do We Think About Britain's Missing Top Model?

Who Would You Rather: Elizabeth Berkley or Tyra Banks?

The Top 5 Hollywood Players Who Did Porn

While You Were Sleeping: Madonna's Breakdown?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 12:49:00 GMT

This creepy Boy Scout leader was charged with six sex offenses. Guess what they involved?

FoxNews and other sources are confirming the John Edwards Love Child story, with the former ready to present an interview with a hotel security guard who will allegedly back up the Enquirer's shock saga.

A model is facing four years in prison after riding bareback (and bare-ass) on a horse... with the Peru national flag as a saddle.

Lindsay Lohan had a rough weekend: first, she had a panic attack when a mob of fans surrounded her at Sam's DJing gig. Then, early Saturday morning, she was clipped by a motorcycle while crossing an intersection...

Madonna's looking terrible these days. Worse than Amy Winehouse Terrible.

Wisconsin Democrats voted unanimously to strip a delegate of her credentials after the woman switched her support from Clinton to McCain.

A couple had their 18th child this week. "Evvvery sperm is saaacredd..."

A Corleone girl married her loving sweetheart before a large Italian celebration while her father, a Mafia don, sits in prison.

Shia LaBeouf was involved in a car accident, allegedly while intoxicated, and was arrested.

Related:

Does Madonna Have A Sex Tape And Do We Want To See It?

The Media Thinks It's Finally Figured Out Why Hillary Lost (Hint: It's Not The Media)

The John Edwards Affair And Love Child Scandal: The Sequel

Tom Hanks of Tomorrow Looking Like Drunk Asshole of Today

Italian Models Duke It Out In Picturesque Beach Brawl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Hottie Fight

Can someone translate for us?

The video is a drawn-out slap fest, but we just know that a bunch of Italian models screaming at and beating the Christ outta each other (while the men laugh and continue to treat them like garbage) has got to have some great dialogue.

What Do We Think About Vanity Fair's Fake Celebrities?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 13:58:00 GMT

Who are these nyphms, Vanity Fair, and why should we care about them?

Here's the abridged survey:

AMANDA SEYFRIED Age: 22. Hometown: Allentown, Pennsylvania. Breakthrough roles: Karen in Mean Girls, Sarah on HBO’s Big Love. Upcoming film: Mamma Mia!

What We Like About Her:

Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin? “Prada. I don’t have any, but they make a woman’s leg look fantastic.” Favorite designer? “Miu Miu. I can’t afford it, but I love it.” Who do you dream of working with one day? Michael Caine. Xbox, Wii, or PlayStation? “Wii, because of Guitar Hero.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary:

Favorite movie? “Romeo and Juliet with Claire Danes. She was the first girl I related to in some way.” Hybrid or Escalade? “Audi. Maybe I should drive a hybrid. I do have a shirt that says, ‘Go Green.’ ”

EMMA ROBERTS Age: 17. Hometown: Rhinebeck, New York. Breakthrough roles: Addie Singer on Nickelodeon’s Unfabulous, title role in Nancy Drew. Upcoming film: Wild Child. First “Hollywood” moment? “I guess after my television show started airing, and I would be walking around the mall or just out with friends, and girls would come up to me and be like, ‘Oh my God, we love your show, we love this!’ And I would look around still, and be like, ‘Are they really talking to me?’ ”

What We Like About Her:

Chuck Taylors or Nikes? Chuck Taylors. Favorite movie? Almost Famous. American Idol or Lost? “Lost! I’m a huge Lost fan.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary:

Number of shoes in your closet? “Probably a little under 50.” Style icon? “I love the way Mary-Kate and Ashley dress. I know that’s probably cliché to say.”

BLAKE LIVELY Age: 20. Hometown: Burbank, California. Breakthrough roles: Bridget in Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, Serena van der Woodsen in Gossip Girl. Upcoming film: Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.

What We Like About Her:

First “Hollywood” moment? “I hope not ever.” Jimmy Choo or Christian Louboutin? “Jimmy Choo and Chanel. I can’t stand it: the security guards know me there.” Favorite guy’s guy? “I’m dating Brad Pitt.” Favorite girl’s girl? Angelina Jolie. Favorite snack? “Whatever’s greasier and cheesier the better.” Hybrid or Escalade? “Hybrid. Even if anybody picked the Escalade they wouldn’t say it, ‘cause it’d be, like, bombed.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary:

Favorite movie? Wizard of Oz, Moulin Rouge!, Romeo and Juliet.

KRISTEN STEWART Age: 18. Hometown: North Hollywood, California. Breakthrough roles: Jodie Foster’s daughter in Panic Room, Tracy in Into the Wild. Upcoming films: Twilight, Adventureland, and What Just Happened?

What We Like About Her:

Chuck Taylors or Nikes? Converse. Favorite designer? “Oh, I don’t know. Anything that’s beat up. I kind of like to look like a hobo.” Role model? Jodie Foster. BlackBerry or iPhone? “I’m getting a BlackBerry. I don’t even have an e-mail address. I just need a phone that’s not gonna break.” What’s on your iPod? Van Morrison, the Beatles, the Rolling Stones. Last book you read? Under the Banner of Heaven, by Jon Krakauer. Morning or evening? “I’m a night person. I mean, look at me.” Hybrid or Escalade? “A ‘95 Toyota Tacoma.”

What Makes Us A Little Weary (okay, this didn't really make us weary):

Boy crush? “My boyfriend, Michael Angarano!”

Obviously, Blake Lively is a celebrity and Scanner digs her bad attitude and sort-of just-out-of-an-angry-publicist's-reach no-bullshit way of conducting interviews (thank God, there may be hope for intelligent life to come out of this generation), but what about the rest of them? Is Vanity Fair just manufacturing fame or will these four go on to big things? (Don't forget that many of the Vanity Fair cover models, including Gretchen Mol, peaked with their VF covers and haven't been heard from since.)

Photo and interview via Vanity Fair.

Video of the Day: "I'm Masturbating!!!"

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 16:12:00 GMT

This Czech (?) model is like a giant tampon-dildo hybrid on acid! We can only assume she's auditioning for a tampon ad and got her English M-words a little mixed up. That, or the people auditioning her are total assholes. Probably a combination of both — a hilarious combination. (SFW)

Monika Jagaciak is Fourteen

Bryan Christian — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 16:46:00 GMT

So, we're beginning to wonder if, while we weren't looking, we might have gotten totally old and stuff. For instance, we just found a long gray hair dead in the center of our chest, like a bullseye left by Father Time for his good pal the Grim Reaper. Oh, also: we're kind of floored that they're letting Monika Jagacia -- a fourteen-year-old from Poland -- walk a runway in Australian Fashion Week. Sure, she's stunning and all, but... you know... fourteen! FOURTEEN!

Hey, hang on -- it can't be that weird of a question if, like, news.com.au was in such a scramble to confirm her age, right? Right?

***UPDATE 7/4 18.00: Jagaciak’s birth year, 1994, was published on the website of her mother agency, Gaga. IMG’s Sydney office claimed today that she is older than “13 or 14”. According to a representative of Gaga’s head office in Poland, with whom I have just spoken, Jagaciak’s birthday, as listed in their company records and as apparently also sighted on her passport, is 15/01/1994, making her 14.***

Here's hoping that Monika's mom and dad are sensible enough to keep her away from drugs, alcohol, couples dancing, and David Blaine.

Well, whew. We feel better now that we've gotten that off our chest. All righty then, leave us alone for a while; our programs are about to start.

[via]

The Sexy Women of Bollywood

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Here's something you don't see very often: scantily clad Bollywood actress photo essays. Perhaps to celebrate Richard Gere's newfound freedom, India Target has a seven-page spread featuring some extremely hot women of the Indian film industry. It almost makes us want to sit through more than four seconds of a Bollywood film-- with the sound on.

Here's the famous kiss that Gere planted on fellow awards presenter Shilpa Shetty, film star and winner of England's Celebrity Big Brother, at an awards ceremony last year. We think we understand why Gere would risk a long, long stay in an Indian prison.

More Bollywood stars in the India Target gallery.

[Gere and Shetty photo from ABC.net]

Fleshbot Examines Yet Another Smut Site With a Dubious Business Plan

Bryan Christian — Wed, 12 Mar 2008 18:00:00 GMT

Hey, anybody out there been using Zivity, a subscriber-based upscale smut site that's curently in that nebulous state known as "beta testing"? They're posing themselves as "the HBO of the Web” -- and getting a bit of investor cash in the process -- but we ain't drinking the Kool-Aid just yet, and neither is Fleshbot.

According to insidery Valley blog Techcrunch, the site will remain in "private beta" mode until at least 2009, but has already secured $8 million in private financing. When it does eventually go public, it will pay the models and photographers who generate the most interest based on user votes ... but not with that $8 mil. That money will come from user subscription fees, since you will have to pay to look at and vote on content.

... and of course, you can guess where this going: who's gonna pay for boobies when they're everywhere online for free? We'd like to put it another way: how is HBO possibly a model for a website when it's fundamentally a different business scenario? If we had to purchase access to 100 websites at a time, then yeah, we might consider a package that had high-class smut like this. But since it don't work that way (yet)... well, let's just say we're pretty skeptical too. Not that we're not open to perhaps having an open-minded look with one of those beta testing accounts... (hint hint).

Previously: Like Wal-Mart for Boobies, Porn.com Now Open for Business

Marisa Miller is Sports Illustrated's 2008 Swimsuit Issue Cover Model

Bryan Christian — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 18:01:00 GMT

We've always been kind of fascinated by the SI Swimsuit Issue, but like the Victoria's Secret catalog or Playboy Magazine, we have to confess that as an erotic object we've generally found it a bit lacking. Maybe it's from how we grew up right when porn was starting to be everywhere? Like, it's great and all but... it's just so... nice. Sure, every once in a while they'll get a gal in there whose dewy, volcanic sexuality or inarguably perfect physique make for something truly remarkable -- Josie Maran and Elle MacPherson come to mind in those respective categories. But there's generally a lot of filler, too -- dozens of shots where you can imagine the photographer going "Great, great, now just give me a little giggle," and it comes off like a smutty Applebee's ad or something.

So we're pleased as punch to report that Marisa Miller will, at long last, make her debut as the cover model of this year's edition, following in the sandy footsteps of MacPherson, Heidi Klum, Christie Brinkley, and Cheryl Tiegs. Not only does she wield her implausibly hot body with a welcome bit of sly attitude, but, if you read our Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Wrapup, you'll know that she got her start in Perfect 10 magazine, meaning that as of today she's officially gone all the way from underpaid erotic model to the top of the fucking pops.

Are we tempted to say she's the Jackie Robinson of smut? Absolutely. Will we? No, probably not. Is she even the first model (that we know of) to make such a transition? We don't know; we're not so great with research. But we don't care. Let's just say she is!

So Hooray for Marisa Miller and hooray for us! God bless us, every one!

Sports Illustrated

Outtakes via GoldenFiddle

Video of the Day: The Dazzling Dyev Deputies of the Duma

Bryan Christian — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 13:00:00 GMT

What do you think: Cameron Diaz and Reese Witherspoon in the big-budget studio version of the foxy former gymnasts who make good in the Russian parliament? Oh, and Jackie from That 70's Show. She actually speaks the language. (Click through for proof!)