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Miss Australia Contestant Under Fire For Being Too Thin

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:26:00 GMT

The Miss Universe pageant isn't for another four months, but it's already causing the usual controversy.

This time, the uproar is over a contestant who didn't even win her country's top prize, with media and observers complaining that she should have never been allowed to participate in the first place, thanks to her weight...

Stephanie Naumoska, who is 19, was defeated by Robin Finch, who is much healthier looking. But the story didn't die with the end of Australia's portion of the competition-- many are wondering why a 5' 11" model weighing 108 pounds was allowed to compete in the first place...

[A] spectator at the event at the Hilton Hotel commented: 'Side on, if you didn't look carefully enough, you could miss her - she was that thin.'

Dieticians urged the Sydney model to seek urgent medical attention because she was dangerously underweight.
And dietician Melanie McGrice said: "There does appear to be significant muscle wasting on the upper arm and legs, and individuals with a healthy BMI do not have such protruding bones."

But Ms Naumoska, who did not win the contest, has rejected the criticism, saying: "I think it is very unfair that I have been criticised that I'm too skinny."

Unfair? They wanted to take you to a hospital-- that means you're too skinny, without a doubt.

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"I have never been anorexic or bulimic I don't throw up my meals after I eat them I don't starve myself, none of that. I eat six to eight healthy meals a day.'"
The Sydney teenager added: "I'm here to defend the skinny people. I have been modelling since I was 13 and have a lot of friends who are really tall and skinny.

"It is just the way that our bodies are", she told TV show A Current Affair.

Six to eight "healthy" meals per day, girl? "A peanut" does not count as a meal, sorry. Let's look at the photo evidence:

Believe us when we say the winner isn't much healthier...

Via Daily Mail and Sky [right-click to open in a new window.]

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FHM's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009: Hot or Not?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Yesterday, Emily revealed FHM's sexiest woman in the world (2009 High-Bidding Publicist's Decision Edition, of course.) As usual, no one has ever heard of her, much as they had never heard of Megan Fox last year. Well, this time we can prove the vote was rigged because the winner doesn't have cache like appearing in a recent #1 blockbuster to help boost her rankings... she's just some random vaguely hot model that is on the rise...

10. Freida Pinto (she should've been higher, especially this year)

9. Anna Friel (can't believe they called the now-canceled Pushing Daisies "massive")

8. Kristin Kreuk (uh, she was on Smallville... and... uh... yeah, hasn't been heard from since)

7. Elisha Cuthbert (booorriing choices in this top 10)

6. Adriana Lima (heard of her, can't place her, moving on)

5. Keeley Hazell (wait, Keeley Hazell isn't as sexy as...)

4. Britney Spears (...automatically invalidating the entire list...)

3. Jessica Alba (when are men going to get tired of this untalented nobody?)

2. Megan Fox (the dethroned champion falls to...)

1. Cheryl Cole. Uh, apparently she was on a show called the X Factor and annoys Simon Cowell. If that's true, why isn't she tied for the top spot with Jennifer Hudson, who is far more attractive? Let's look at the photo evidence:

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Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

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B-List British Celebrities Finally Realizing Fake Boobs Won't Help Anything

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 16:31:00 GMT

The Sun and The Daily Mail are competing today, as always, over who has the better stor(ies) about Grade-Z reality show stars with breast implants.

One thing everyone seems to agree on is that the tide has turned against gigantic boobs on the isle across the pond...

We reported earlier on B-list model Kerry Katona having her implants removed for a charitable eBay auction. Now comes the story of Chantelle Houghton, a former contestant on Celebrity Big Brother (why she was considered a celebrity before the show, we're not entirely sure), broke out from the show when she underwent a makeover, divorce, and boob job all in a row. Now, she says, maybe that wasn't the world's greatest plan:

'They're just too big. Now I just want to hide them. I thought I wanted to go up to that size and I loved them at the time, but now I wish I'd never had them done.'
'I'm very bad at making decisions and I just change my mind really quickly, so I do regret it now. Looking back, I did it for the attention. I realise it was a cry for help.'
She now visits a physio twice a week for back pain caused by the heavy implants.
She has said: 'They're taking over my life.'

Meanwhile, singer Michelle Heaton skipped the boob job, but kept the makeover and divorce, and is now the darling of all British tabloids. Could this headlining story today-- which was about a simple photo shoot spoofing Cindy Crawford's recent Allure spread-- be a sign of things to come for Britain?

The former Liberty X singer - ever the publicity-lover - slipped into a midriff-baring cut-out swimsuit and energetically tore up a loaf of white bread in an effort to recreate the supermodel's latest photoshoot which appeared in Allure magazine last month.
Michelle is apparently enjoying a new burst of confidence after losing two stone on a strict no-carb diet and is eager to show off the results.

Before you get all excited that Britain is now into healthy body images, check out this ad series from fake-boobed Lucy Pinder. These have been playing again recently and are still sweeping the nation...

Via the Daily Mail: here and here.

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Aria Giovanni Wants To Show You How To Do Something

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:21:00 GMT

Why is Aria Giovanni showing us bachelors how to cook via Break.com videos and do we care? Not "do we care that she's on Break.com showing us how to do things we'll quickly turn into four-alarm fires" but does anyone care what she's saying, with images like these?

Note that at about 1:30... she appears to be lightly stroking the long stem handle... hmmm, very interesting demonstration...

Aria Giovanni Teaches Us How To Boil Eggs

In case you didn't know, Aria Giovanni is a nude model and, um, self-described actress who was the Penthouse Pet for September of 2000. You may recall her previous Scanner appearance when we shared the first episode of James Gunn's PG Porn. We'd share more of these videos if she did something, you know... exciting.

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Hey, At Least the Sex Industry Is Still Hiring

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 18:54:00 GMT

Laid-off bankers, waiters, bloggers, and other local degenerates are scouring Craig's List in search of Rent Money-- that down and dirty gig that will let them coast through this Great Depression in style.

The only thing they're finding are these ads from the sex industry, which itself is keeping Craig's List's sales department profitable...

Look good in latex? Join an extraordinary profession…

Reply to: job-tms4n-1099293875@craigslist.org
Date: 2009-03-30, 2:29PM EDT

We are seeking attractive, creative, college-aged females to join our team on NYCs most exclusive fetish and BDSM websites as webcam performance artists. This is a great opportunity for people who want to learn more about fetish and BDSM lifestyles. We do our best create a collaborative and educational environment where expressive and creative people can flourish. As a web cam dominatrix you will have potential to earn up to $90 an hour in a safe, clean and inspiring environment. Under some conditions we can offer a base pay to make sure you make money even if you don’t land any web cam sessions. If you think you have what it takes to be an online dominatrix and want to explore your wild side please contact us to set up an interview....

No sex or contact (everything is done online) and nudity not required but you should have an interest in S&M and be comfortable with your body. ...you can work from home or we can provide you space. No experience necessary -- we will handle training. Please reply via email with a brief introduction regarding your interests phone number and a photo....

Yes, we see these all the time-- but they're not usually the majority of the ads on Craig's List. (That would be sneaky posts by the Air National Guard.)

Male female models for Indian boutique - (Midtown West)
NBC/Casting-Looking 4 FUN NY,NJ, families w/kids-FREE TRIP/HUGE PRIZE - (Greater NY,NJ,Conn, Philly Area)
Bikini Babe Wanted to be Next Online Viral Star!! -
ADULT RETAIL STORE - (CONNECTICUT)
Wallpaper Magazine - Editorial/Art Project Seeks Interesting Subjects -
Looking for creative confident women - (Manhattan)
Make $5,000/mo ANONYMOUSLY in adult industry sales - (Midtown)

And that's just New York.

DANCERS / WAITRESSES -
Sell adult ent. on the Net! ---- 8 000/month -
DANCERS WANTED- ADULT ENT INDUSTRY -

Phone Girls Wanted-Adult Ent. -
Freelance Blogger - (Las Vegas)

If you land one of these jobs, we want our 10%-- Vegas Mafia-style. Hey, we need the money as much as the rest of ya's...

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"Britain's Sexiest Teacher" In Hot Water After Steamy Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Natasha Gray, voted Britain's Sexiest Teacher in a phone survey following a television show seven years ago, is (finally) back in the news again for doing the only thing that could ever upset a British parent: not being able to live on a teacher's salary.

Apparently, some parents were worried about their children being taught by a woman who models in the near-nude... and here we thought Britain was more enlightened about the female form than their American counterparts...

Some kid who couldn't keep his or her mouth shut (who talks to their parents about what goes on at school anyway?) told his/her mom that Gray had lingerie photos up on iModel, a website for aspiring underwear champions. The woman wrote an anonymous letter to the school informing them of the photos, which she said was "disgusted" by the "inappropriate" spread.

"I assume the pupils have a good giggle about it but I find it rather crass."

Well, my dear, if teachers were banned from doing anything one single person finds offensive, the only thing they could do was sit absolutely still and keep their eyes closed. In other words, find something better do with your time, mom.

Meanwhile, "Tasha" has been told she will not be fired, but that the school hopes she knows that this will go down on her permanent record.

Via various English media sources and iModel.

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Leo's Girlfriend is a Sports Illustrated Cover Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Bar Refaeli, Leonardo DiCaprio's girlfriend, is the 2009 Sports Illustrated cover girl. And we have the photo evidence to prove it...

Bar, who is a 23-year-old Israeli model, has been dating the movie star for three years and the publicity they've received has launched her career. The announcement of her selected for the SI cover made the Time.com homepage this morning and MTV recently announced she will be on the revamped House of Style reality show.

Oh yeah, and there's that persistent rumor of her engagement and impending marriage to Leonardo DiCaprio, who recently said planning for this year's Oscars is like planning for his "wedding."

Here's a peek at the cover, just announced. Click the photo for a larger view...

More about Bar via her Wikipedia page.

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Will You Be Our Sexy Valentine?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Prepare yourself... Valentine's Day is coming, which means you'll be subjected to 10,824 posts about it between now and the weekend.

You can bribe us into near silence, though, by buying and sending us one of these sexy V-Day gifts...

The old cliche/joke here at Scanner is that we're all secret lesbians, so it's only natural we would turn to GO Magazine, the monthly publication for gay ladies in various American cities. This month, they've published a multi-page portfolio of the greatest of this year's V-Day sex toys and other treats we've been too naughty not to receive:

1) The Forever Yours Vibe

2) The Pink Kink Kit. Says Babeland:

Bondage beginner? You’ll find sugar and spice and everything naughty in our super-sexy, non-intimidating Pink Kink Kit, making bondage affordable, fashionable and very appealing. An innocent pink mesh bag holds a heart-emblazoned, comfortable leather blindfold, an adorable pink leather 11” whip with a teasing sting, and a snap-to-fit leather collar that reads SEXY (as if it weren’t obvious!).

3) Two-Person Home Sauna. Ever had sex in a sauna? We're not sure if that one time was a daydream or the real thing, but either way, it wasn't worth this $3,000 price tag. Although, hey, if you're buyin'...

4) Dirty Dolls Lingerie

Check out all 23 pages of selections from GO Magazine.

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That Wasn't Bikini Girl's First Time in a Bikini...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Feb 2009 19:06:00 GMT

One suspects that Katrina Darrell sleeps, operates motor vehicles, and possibly showers while wearing her trademark skimpy bikini. The doomed (we say) American Idol contestant likely has no interest in actually winning the show (she has no chance-- can you imagine the female backlash, via text message, once audience voting heats up?) She's there to show off her body in hopes a modeling agency will snap her up.

And just to make sure, she's made the public well aware that there are oodles of swimsuit shots of her floating around on the internet...

Personally, we could care less about Fox's made-up fight between Darrell and Kara DioGuardi, the new judge in town. We could care less about either of them, in fact. All we want to know is how to get in touch with this young hopeful, Casey Carlson.

(By the way, the question "can she sing?" is irrelevant, since no one who has ever appeared on the show, besides perhaps Jennifer Hudson, has ever kept us from fleeing the supermarket when their songs come on.)

Forget about the so-called "Bikini Girl," this is the bikini-clad gal of our dreams-- and although this is Photoshopped to all hell, it's clear she at least has some meat on those bones...

More of her here.

Bacon Bra, Meet Your Soulmate

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:29:00 GMT

Remember this from last year? Some of you must've, since it got linked just about everywhere and caused at least two vegetarians to publicly convert. (Okay, we made up the latter detail.)

The sports blog InGameNow has unveiled... the bacon bikini...

Another perk thanks to working from home: we can order four bacon cheeseburgers and no one is here to stop us. Or steal them.

By the way, the Modern Materialist has a purse for those ladies who love bacon... overcooked bacon, that is:

More photos at InGameNow.

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Famous Girl Trying To Find Guy Who Lost His Jacket? Total Fraud

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 18:18:00 GMT

For the last week or so, the whole of the internet has been trying to determine whether this YouTube video and series of news stories is real or staged by an attention-seeking "actress." Here's how we figured out the truth...

In order to avoid giving this woman and her annoying clothing designer's viral marketing campaign any added publicity, we'll refrain from a few of the details. A Sydney Morning Herald story from the other day claimed the 24-year-old met a guy at a cafe, hit it off with him, didn't get his number, and later noticed his jacket had been left behind. She took the jacket home with her and left a "Lost and Found" note with a waiter, who is quoted in the article as saying she is "genuine," as if there was some sort of question about her tale's legitimacy already. The national media picked up the tale of love at first sight and the blogs were linking to her website, which she had turned into an ad for herself, but for this anonymous guy's enjoyment only. She posed in his jacket and made sure we all saw her underwear... and the coat's supposedly top-notch lining.

Then, this:

1) She knows just enough about the guy that it sounds like a full description, but it sounds like a full description written by someone trying to make up a generic, imaginary dude. For example, for this Sydney Morning Herald story, she couldn't describe his face whatsoever, but she knows he was wearing jeans, a white shirt, and black shoes. He's "six foot tall, toned, and hot"? That could be anyone.

2) In the above video, she never mentions the name of the cafe she found the jacket in. That right there tells you with absolute certainty that she's a fake... or an idiot.

Other bloggers are beginning to weigh in on this-- insisting that this is another obnoxious viral marketing campaign. Aren't there laws against this kind of thing? When advertisers started putting subliminal messages in movies and other media, governments passed laws to stop the practice; maybe they should ban the same thing-- "false news reporting as advertising" or something? "Internet video advertising without proper identification?"

In any case, the woman has since taken down her very obvious website, which depicted her posing provocatively in the jacket, making sure that the jacket looked even better she did in her underwear.

Here's the original article.

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Hot or Not? Victoria Beckham in Armani Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham has always struck us as the kind of woman Brits go crazy for, but the rest of the world cannot get into. If she weren't married to the top footballer, would the world remember her or would she just fall into obscurity, along with the rest of the Spice Girls?

Having recently signed a 12-million-pound modeling deal, Victoria will definitely be in the public eye on her own a lot more, and, if this keeps up, might be able to win us over...

'There are loads of things I don't like about my body', she said. 'I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach.'
The pictures of Victoria, which will grace billboards and magazines are from her first shoot in the three-year multi-million pound deal.

What do you think of her new Armani campaign? Are we done with her, can we move on?

Photos via Telegraph.

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Model Suing Google Over Blogger's Mean Remarks

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 17:31:00 GMT

Model Liskula Cohen is suing Google's Blogger.com site to learn the identity of the nasty bully who said all these horrible things about her delightful appearance...

According to the New York Daily News and other sources, the anonymous blog's entries included the following comments about the runway model:

"skank" "old hag" "#1 skanky superstar" "fortysomething" [she's 36] "may have been hot 10 years ago"
[and it's headlined] "Desperation seeps from her soul, if she even has one,"

Sounds like she has a bitter rival-- another model, perhaps, jealous of her supposed fling with David Schwimmer (you heard it here first-- but don't sue is, Ms. Cohen!)

Liskula responded in kind (well, a "liveandlove" did, but we have our theories who that is a cover for) on the post, which is now missing in action:

"Are you one of those little dumpy girls who hang off her every word? Or do you wait three hours in line at a club, when she breezes right in? [You're a] silly, silly fat girl.
"Tell me, are you easier to walk over or around?"

Sometimes, in anger, we say things that are way worse than the bullies who started the spat in the first place. Good luck in court, Liskula.

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Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Players and connoisseurs of music, Thelonious Monk's advice on playing in his band is an essential look at a mad genius.

Never been kissed? These kooks hadn't either, so they decided to make out in public and then tell the Daily News their real names.

Courtney Love and the Kardashians are at war...

Courtney Love faces possible legal action after accusing socialite Kim Kardashian's brother Rob of punching one of her gay employees.
In an angry rant on her MySpace page written on Wednesday, Love alleged that Kardashian's brother Rob Jr. broke the nose of her employee while calling him a "faggot" in September.

Love writes: "Rob Jr. cold socked and punched my employee right in his face for no reason and broke his nose after my guy was hanging out with his pal Brody Jenner one night outside Hyde lounge."

Talk about adding insult to injury: not only is he named Mike Hunt, but the internet makes fun of his name when he's murdered.

At last, CNN does something good with its website: it reports on a 17-year-old Maryland kid who heard about violence against Sudanese women who go looking for firewood and decided to raise money to send them stoves.

The war between Lindsay Lohan and her father, and her father and Samantha Ronson, rages on.

A Mexican beauty queen lost her title after getting caught up in a drug sweep.

$100,000 worth of cashews were stolen in Sydney yesterday.

And rumors involving the possible engagement of Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen turn out to have been false (we think.)

(Bonkers) Woman Ejected From Giants Game For Big Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 21:18:00 GMT

You may have heard about the crazy, fame-hungry Sondra Fortunato and her attempt to make a football game worth watching this week.

Sondra wore fishnets, a Santa Suit, and ginormous fake boobies to the delight of Giants fans both at the stadium and on TV. For her troubles, she was unceremoniously booted from the game.

From her sadly-designed website:

Sondra has been honored to represent Miss Liberty @ certain functions. Her main area is character modeling & print. It seems where evershe goes people know her and receive her warmly, after all she is part of the show. [All typos and spelling/grammatical errors are hers.]

The Giants management disagreed with that self assessment. They objected to her tiara, leather boots, bathing suit... and Santa top. "Can't you come to the stadium dressed like a normal person?" The self-proclaimed Miss Football is unaware of her odd fashion sense, and so was baffled that anyone would think she was gross. "I guess some ladies got jealous and complained," she told the New York Post with a shrug.

Via various sources.

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Agyness Deyn Looks Even More Like A Boy In Sketch Form

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 19:56:00 GMT

Ever wanted to see nude drawings of Agyness Deyn, Karl Lagerfeld and Donatella Versace?

Us neither, but they're after the jump anyway...

The point of these semi-nudes? We're not sure, although they are all drawings for Grazia Daily, a UK-based publication, and by Henry Holland. Holland, an artist/designer/fashion person, is widely recognized as the man who discovered Deyn, a feat of historic and earth-shaking proportions.

Photo via the Bosh.

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48-Year-Old Carol Alt Finally Does Playboy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

To wrap up the week in nudity, we had to decide between Keri Russell's creepy shoot for Details or the Carol Alt Playboy photos. There's no question that Carol's are hotter... but is it a mirage, a Photoshopping miracle or is the former supermodel as bodacious* as ever?

You can buy a copy of the December issue of Playboy here.

*Forgive us for using that word, but we were just reading a story about how Keanu Reeves thinks a Bill & Ted sequel is possible. We really want to write that-- sort of like the Rocky Balboa for the dumb comedy set.

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E! Names Another Obscure Woman as the Hottest in the World

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 15:35:00 GMT

And, what the hell, you won't have heard of their #2 choice either...

Lingerie model Karolina Kurkova has been voted the world's sexiest woman by E! entertainment television, beating sultry actresses Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson for the honor.
Czech Kurkova, ranked by Forbes magazine as one of the world's highest paid models, was dubbed by E! as "she of the mysterious belly button" due to media speculation about what appears to be an unusually smooth navel.

Of course, if you're a devoted reader of Scanner, you may have actually heard of this woman before. Remember this, from back in June?

Does this woman look "fat" to you? Well, according to one Brazillian newspaper, the #6 highest-paid supermodel in the world isn't ready for the runway, and other outrageous statements for which "WTF?" seems too polite a reply.
According to several sources, none of which named the "local paper" in Brazil that made the alleged comments about Karolina Kurkova during Sao Paolo Fashion Week, the Victoria's Secret hottie, who made $5 million last year, was derided for having
back fat, love handles, and cellulite.

Sympathy vote? Or just a random asshole who thought he'd get himself some free publicity from attacking the (future) hottest woman in the world? Either way, we don't care.

The #2? Leo DiCaprio's old flame Bar Rafaeli:

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Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Cindy Crawford never has to do anything again. She certainly doesn't need to prove herself as a model, since she retains the record for most magazine cover appearances. But perhaps, at 42 years young, Crawford is restless.

She's been off our radar for many years, and might as well have been a star in the 19th century for all the fashion industry cares. Which may be why everyone's going batshit crazy over these French Vogue photos-- folks don't even remember who she is...

We're a bit conflicted: the first time we saw Cindy Crawford, she was in a Victoria's Secret catalog our eight-year-old (!) cousin had stashed under his bed. Cindy reminded us of Steven Tyler in a way that was vaguely distracting, and so we moved on to Claudia Schiffer. Months later, in Vanity Fair or some place, Cindy turned up again as her usual fantastic-looking self and we started to come around.

Now we're not so sure... here she is at 42, with a spread from French Vogue... what do you think?

More photos here.

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Gisele Bundchen Finds Another Excuse To Take Off Her Clothes

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 04 Nov 2008 16:32:00 GMT

Thank God there's something else to talk about today.

These were for the 30th Anniversary issue of American Photo, whatever the Christ that is. Nobody cares about you American Photo, just give us your half-naked snaps of Gisele and move along...

Seriously, though, we do dig Gisele on a non-superficial level as well, and our speculation on her personality is confirmed by the photographer:

His favorite Gisele? "It would be the chill Gisele, which is just us hanging out on vacation, with her acting silly and laughing in front of the camera," Nino Muñoz says. "Although sexy Gisele in six-inch pumps isn't bad, either."

The above totally pointless photos via American Photo, of course.

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Did You Vote? Then Babeland Would Like To Give You A Free Sex Toy...

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Top 5 Sexiest Celebrity Costumes

Olga Kurylenko: "My Treasure Trove of Topless Photos Don't Count As Porn"

The World's Largest Flower Is A Giant Deformed Penis

Sloppy Seconds: The Sheep Beauty Pageant

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 21:37:00 GMT

Everyone in this British man's Spanish town was arrested on corruption charges, so now he's the mayor. A bad Jim Carrey movie is already in the works, we're sure.

This is either the grossest or funniest thing in ages, we can't decide.

The latest nonsense rumor about Led Zeppelin...

Chris Cornell addressed rumors he'd tour with Led Zeppelin: "I have not been approached to fill in for Robert Plant on the upcoming Zeppelin tour, but that isn't to say I won't be."

There's nothing else to do there, so Saudi Arabia held a sheep beauty pageant.

Is Kathleen Edwards filing for divorce?

Why would anyone give Joe the Plumber a book deal? This guy will be a footnote on November 5th, no matter who wins.

Nikki Taylor got knocked up. In other news, Nikki Taylor is still considered newsworthy.

Sarah Palin needs to stay away from sports fans, for the last time. Especially Pennsylvanian sports fans.

Our favorite sign of the week.

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I Love Myself For Loving You: Amy Ryan

Video of the Day: Star Wars Trumpet Solo

Three Beauty Queens Walk Into a Rental Office....

Led Zeppelin May Have A New Singer... And It's Amazin'...

Priest, During Confession: "Hey, You Wanna Go Back To My Place?"

While You Were Sleeping: The Trial of Keanu Reeves

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Somebody has been taunted the German police by placing a Muppet over his face when passing speed cameras. (Obviously, this genius neglected to realize the authorities would capture images of his license plate.) The hilarious photo evidence is here.

MTV has posted most of its greatest videos online.

It's possible to find love online, even in your 80s. (Of course, the guy who got lucky on the internet married a woman much younger than him-- unfortunately for you 60+ ladies, even this guy admits he wasn't interested in women his own age.)

Bono's teenage ladyfriend insists they are strictly platonic, although we have to wonder what kind of strange friendship this rock star and his middle-aged buddy would have with two young female models other than the obvious one.

The Rothernberg Political Report now estimates the Democrats will capture 7-9 seats a week from today, putting the magic number ("60") within reach.

There's apparently something called "Farting Dog" and it involves the Jonas Brothers.

A photographer is suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly attempting to run him over with a car. (This is the same asswipe who watched the criminal charges against Keanu get tossed out of court and now is trying the greed route.) Seriously, dude? You get in the way of Keanu's car and you want to cry about being run over? Please go away.

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: Are Lindsay and Sam Finally, Really Engaged?

Paris Hilton Punks the Paparazzi

Moonlighting in Porn Development

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Cheerleaders Make Sports Watchable Again

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 13:51:00 GMT

Colin Powell endorsed Barack Obama on Meet the Press. He pointed out the Senator is and has always been a Christian... and so what if he was a Muslim?

A gym teacher posed as a lesbian model to try to get his student to send him a nude self-portrait.

Jon Stewart has only one thing to say to Sarah Palin... and he can't say it on TV...

That's right... he tells Sarah Palin: "Fuck you." The full transcript of this almost completely garbled video is here.

Guess how much a tennis lesson with Andy Roddick costs? A million bucks, right? That's what you'd think, but not only is it a mere 15 g's, Roddick is throwing in a nudity option as well.

You know how much we love pranks.

The shortlist for the Oscars' Best Foreign Language Film nominees was announced, although we don't think many of them will see release in the U.S. for a while.

A man was charged with taking a leak in a police car and spitting on a cop. The man was, of course, butt naked at the time.

And a bunch of cheerleaders were busted for hitting the bottle before The Big Game. Wait, some teenagers aren't drunk the night before a big game? That's not the America we know and love...

Woman Steals Daughter's Identity to Become a High School Cheerleader

"Do That Little Cheerleader Move," NY State Assemblyman Tells Intern

Town Rallies Behind Principal Who Discriminated Against Lesbian Student

Who Would You Rather: Grey's Anatomy Lesbian Doctor Edition

Leryn Franco Makes Up For Missing Out On The Whole "Nude Olympians Craze"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 19:45:00 GMT

Just a few weeks ago, the nation (and, in particular, this blog) jumped for joy when Olympians from Amanda Beard to Michael Phelps were the subject of nude (or at least very revealing) photos. Literally, the day after the closing ceremonies, interest in these photos dried up... and so, apparently, did the pipeline that flooded us with so many treasures.

But javelin thrower Leryn Franco is not content to fade into hotness obscurity just yet, especially since she missed out on the nudie wave back in the day...

Franco, who hails from the sensational nation of Paraguay and finished second-to-last in Beijing, at least has modeling to fall back onto: the below photos are from an undetermined fashion show at an undetermined location. (Who is the idiot who posted these online without saying where they came from?)

Anyway, enjoy... although we can't provide any more info or an explanation for the bizarre nature of at least one of these pics...

Related:

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Video of the Day: Olympians And Their Tacos

Who Would You Rather: Keeley Hazell or Sara Boberg?

Are We Wrong To Post These Pics Of Shawn Johnson In A Bikini?

National Topless Day Is A Gigantic Success

Top 5 Sex Scenes From Bad Movies

Teenage Boy Busted For Receiving A Nude Picture Message

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Kate Moss: Unplugged, Uncensored, Uncovered

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 19:28:00 GMT

Kate Moss is our Girl of the Day, to be sure. First, she graces us with the news that she's going to get naked and perform in an orgy scene for her boyfriend's band's music video.

Then we get this Interview Magazine cover story, complete with outrageous quotes about men and sex, plus, of course, a stack of nude photos...

Were you ever too skinny?

Yeah, when I was doing shows and flying economy and nobody ever fed me... I hated it. I never liked being that skinny.... I was never anorexic, so I was never that skinny.

So, who's more diabolical, men or women?

Men for sure. 'Cause they're cunts! Absolute bastards!

What's the first thing you notice about a guy?

Oh, his eyes? The lips? I don't know.

A woman?

The tits. I'm a tit man. [They then talk about implants.] They are awful. So many of my friends have had them, and they’ve gone wrong. One of my friends’ tits started growling like the giant peach, and blood started coming out the nipple. Then another friend of mine had one that sort of moved up to her shoulder. One tit was normal, and the other was up by her collarbone. I know only one girl who has good ones. And most of them are so hard you can knock on them like a door. I’m not into them. I mean, if I got all saggy, like the sacks some women have after they have children, I’d have them done. I’m not against them, but if you have normal ones, just to have them enlarged for the sake of having big ones… I don’t really like big tits anyway.

Also, on how women over 30 are better in bed: "I could talk (dirty) when I was 20, I'm a lot better in the sack now."

What do you think? Is she hot or what?

Via Interview.

Kate Moss Doing Nude Orgy For Music Video

Sloppy Seconds: More Naughty Miley Cyrus Photos Leaked

While You Were Sleeping: The Last True Supermodel

Hot or Not: Heidi Klum Topless in Esquire

While You Were Sleeping: The Tim Gunn Lawsuit

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:43:00 GMT

The Hiltons are far from thrilled to see the new McCain ad, which compares Obama unfavorably to Paris (huh?) They're right to be offended-- they maxed out to the Republican candidate.

A man with a body in his freezer was arrested preaching in Alabama.

Before you read further, make a prediction: who gave the #1 worst performance by a Model Turned Actress?

According to King Magazine (whatever the hell that is), it's Halle Berry-- but not in "Catwoman," as many would have predicted:

1. Halle Berry in Gothika
2. Cameron Diaz in Any Given Sunday
3. Garcelle Beauvais in Wild Wild West
4. Cindy Crawford in Fair Game
5. Tyra Banks in Coyote Ugly

"Guys and Dolls" is returning to Broadway, with Anne Hathaway or Debra Messing. Laurence Olivier and Benedict Arnold are also on the Producer's list of people to put in the press release to make it look Big Time.

AIDS has made black women an "endangered species."

A 10-year-old boy ratted out his mom for making counterfeit bills.

With all the money television brings in, Tim Gunn, why the hell would you work for free?

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Eva Mendes Calvin Klein Photos Almost As Good As Having Friday Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 21:16:00 GMT

Every company in the United States is in a meeting right now, saying, "Why didn't we think of this first?"

Yes, Calvin Klein pulled off quite a coup wresting Eva Mendes away from the big screen to star in their latest ads (which are all about lingerie, of course.) As other blogs have noted regarding these photos, Eva can sell us anything and we'd buy. Hell we'd even go see The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 if these were still photos from it.

Pop Crunch has an additional photo here.

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Super-Thin Supermodel Attacked For Being "Fat?"

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 16:31:00 GMT

Does this woman look "fat" to you? Well, according to one Brazillian newspaper, the #6 highest-paid supermodel in the world isn't ready for the runway, and other outrageous statements for which "WTF?" seems too polite a reply.

According to several sources, none of which named the "local paper" in Brazil that made the alleged comments about Karolina Kurkova during Sao Paolo Fashion Week, the Victoria's Secret hottie, who made $5 million last year, was derided for having

back fat, love handles, and cellulite.

There are just a few shots of Kurkova's backside from the catwalk during the show in question:

While we see what these idiots are talking about, we still don't get what the hell's wrong with them for acting like she'd offended them in some way. This woman is beautiful. This woman is beautiful no matter what her ass happened to look like one particular afternoon on a runway in Brazil, from one angle, in one stolen moment. And even if it were true that was overweight, fuck them for attacking her for it.

Brazil, we never thought we'd say this, but you suck.

Thankfully, most of the media attacked the paper and praised Kurkova's body of huminatarian/charity work, in addition to her, um, bodywork.

Like most of us, Karolina has occasional weight fluctuations. But unlike most of us, when that happens, a lot of people notice. Looking great for the average person and looking great for a runway model are two vastly different things. There's no question that Kurkova looks amazing in the bikini she wore last week... [The Improper]

The next question is: Will Victoria's Secret agree with their Brazilian fans and dump the dumpy doll? Not a chance! Checkout these photos of her nude and you'll see why. [Post Chronicle]

Via the Improper.

If it Looks Like an Orgasm, And Sounds Like an Orgasm, It Must be an Orgasm

Emily Farris — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 14:48:00 GMT

An unnamed model is suing a jewelry company for $5 million, claiming they tarnished her "wholesome" image in a viral ad campaign that, as far as we can tell, very clearly portrays her having an orgasm. Her lawyers say the ad was just supposed to be a woman getting excited by a man putting nice jewelry on her. We think she probably should have started asking questions when they asked her to writhe and moan in front of a rolling camera while wearing only a teddy and a diamond necklace. But you decide for yourself. (Probably NSFW, though).

[FoxNews.com: My Commercial Looks Lewd]