Scanner : military

This Week in Gayness: Aubrey O'Day May Be Gay

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 17:36:00 GMT

Ha ha-- Ken Starr is now forced to argue "whether it's legal to divest rights from a group of people." In this case, straight, married Californians.

Married Massachusetts lesbians made national news this week when one, clearly intoxicated, attacked the other with a turkey baster allegedly containing the attacker's brother's "sperm," in an attempt to impregnate her by force.

The religious wacko Obama appointed is meeting with Concerned Women for America and the Family Research Council-- guess who they're concerned about?

In a bold move yesteday, 38 graduates of West Point Military Academy came out of the closet to help support the gay movement in the army.

Bob Dylan's new album comes out at the end of April. Until then, we can only stare at that surprising, teasing cover and its already-famous gay kiss.

Nigeria, instead of fighting ripoff artists, wants to focus on punishing married gays and lesbians with three-year prison terms.

There were was an all-inclusive St. Patty's Day Parade in NYC over the weekend.

Aubrey O'Day may have come out of the closet to MTV.

Ending on a positive note as usual, the high school lesbian who was banned from wearing a tux to her prom will get her wish after all.

The Gay Marriage Debate Rages on in California

Moran Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

This Week In Gayness: Sean Penn vs. Arnold Schwarzenegger

The Dark Knight Starting To Inspire Copycat Crazies

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 14:54:00 GMT

We're surprised it's taken this long for the world's bumbling criminals to fall in love with Heath Ledger's depiction of The Joker, perhaps one of the most memorable villains in Hollywood history.

First, a tragic example of someone who took the joke a little too far, followed by a more positive note...

Army Spc. Christopher Lanum, 25, a suspect in the stabbing of a fellow soldier, Spc. Mitchell Stone, at Fort Eustis, was killed hours after the attack when he pointed a loaded shotgun at police after a chase. He had reportedly painted his face and dressed to look like The Joker, the villain from Batman comics and the movie The Dark Knight.

Lanum was apparently obsessed with the villain, according to reports filed yesterday in U.S. District Court in Norfolk. The records stated that Patsy Montowski, Lanum's girlfriend, indicated that Lanum:
"said everything The Joker did he did for a reason, like killing people, and that he agreed with the philosophy of doing things for a reason." [SNAFU-ed]

Perhaps the most depressing part of the tale is their quote from Lanum's mother: "All I can tell you is that Christopher served 18 months in Iraq and he never came actually home to us."

Another young man adopted the movie character as his hero, with very different results:

"Some kid dressed up as the Joker was caught stealing movie posters from a theatre's lobby and was consequently arrested for it." Holy hooligans! Phony 'Joker' arrested in Michigan [Comcast.net]

The mugshot, seen here, is almost adorable.

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And The Nominees Are... and Should've Been...

Yes, Ma'am(aries)! Royal Army Corproal Busted For Moonlighting As Expensive Hooker

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 19:38:00 GMT

Hooker Roxi Llewelyn advertised her stats: 32E breasts... 21-years-old... Englander... interested in being the rented sex object of both men and women... oh, and she's a a junior NCO/Lance Corporal in the Royal Military Police...

Whoops. Her Majesty's military want to have a word with her about that last part.

Rebecca Smith (yeah, we prefer "Roxi Llewelyn") charged dudes and ladies one hundred British pounds per hour for her services*, including "spanking and bondage" and "15 minute quickies," which she advertised over the internet. Once considered the most promising candidate in her class, Smith was booted from her military cop gig after a nosy superior caught her using an official computer to respond to fan comments on her racy website, which we have been unable to track down:

One message left by a punter hailed her as “gorgeous”. Another thanked her for the “nice time”. [The Sun]

We should amend that to read: Smith may have been booted from her military cop gig, but obviously, her admirers will forgive her...

*actually, 100 quid an hour is nothing compared to Ashley Alexandra Dupre.

Related:

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Mini-Me Makes Up For Size With Stamina In Bed

Three Men Jump 12-Year-Old Girl, Beat Her Up, Call Her A Hooker... Then Arrest Her

Sloppy Seconds: Prostitution Is Now Rape in the U.K.?

Ex-Prostitutes In South Korea Have A Bone To Pick With Us

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 14:40:00 GMT

Kim Ae-ran is a fifty-eight-year-old former prostitute living in South Korea. She's been reading in the news about how her country is seeking apologies and other reparations from the government of Japan and it's been pissing her off. Not because she disagrees-- she just thinks the U.S. government's involvement in her country's underworld should be addressed as well.

“Our government was one big pimp for the U.S. military,” she says, and that's just the beginning...

Today's New York Times features a story on women who were tools of the South Korean government, which they accuse of boosting prostitution in the country in order to stabilize the economy and keep the Americans satiated.

The Korean police would then detain the prostitutes who were thought to be ill, the women said, locking them up under guard in so-called monkey houses, where the windows had bars. There, the prostitutes were forced to take medications until they were well.
The women... compared themselves to the so-called comfort women who have won widespread public sympathy for being forced into prostitution by the Japanese during World War II. Whether prostitutes by choice, need or coercion, the women say, they were all victims of government policies.

A woman, identified only as "Bae" in the above and other photographs, is 80-years-old, living on welfare and off of an oxygen machine. Her loose collective seeks compensation and an official apology, which we doubt will come anytime soon...

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Swedish Prostitutes Complain: "We Wanna Pay Taxes, Too!"

While You Were Sleeping: Adam Sandler Loses

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Five banks were robbed on Monday in New York City. So far, no Depression-style Bonnie and Clyde types have emerged from these robberies or any others during the economic collapse.

Roland Burris, a former Attorney General, has been appointed as Obama's Illinois replacement in the Senate.

What is up with a country that starts putting diapers on its animals? Egypt, you have a lot of living to do.

Remember Tiffany Shepherd? She was the teacher who claimed to have been fired for having sexy pictures on her MySpace and a supposedly risque moonlighting gig. Now she's been arrested for harassing her ex's new girlfriend.

Never mind Jennifer Aniston, who took a backseat to a dog in that Marley movie anyway, Clint Eastwood and Tom Cruise were the surprise winners at the box office this weekend. The loser? Adam Sandler.

A soldier is suing the military for its "Christian bias."

Warner Brothers and Fox are unable to see eye to eye on the Watchmen movie, which means it may not be released any time soon.

And Iranian students, upset at Britain's support for Israel, stormed the UK's embassy in their country.

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While You Were Sleeping: The No Pants Ride

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 14:09:00 GMT

Idiots are already out with 2012 Presidential election polls. Thankfully, we have 2004 predictions to show you the futility of these fact-finding missions: Rudy Guiliani defeats John Kerry or John Edwards or Hillary Clinton in the 2008 race to the White House.

Meanwhile, the Electoral College named Barack Obama as the President-elect and Kerry is the new head of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee.

A major movie star from the past has turned to blogging to amuse himself...

Post Election
Current mood: hopeful

As you know, I urged the young people to vote. And I'm so gratified that we had the largest number of young people voting that we've ever had. Of course, I was careful not to sway their votes. But I must admit, I'm very happy that our country has made such a historical move. The world will be astounded that the United States has elected a black man to lead them. I never imagined that such an event would be possible during my lifetime. I think our country will now go on a course that permits us to work with other countries.

The comments that I received from other countries all tell me how much people have the same dreams and we must all work together in order to fulfill those dreams.

...so says Kirk Douglas on his MySpace page.

Anthony Pellicano received a whopping 15-year prison sentence.

This interview with Jon Hamm by our Bearded Man of (Last) Week is goddamned funny as hell.

The latest victims of the economic downturn: Marines and the kids they give gifts to.

That Follieri Guy, Anne Hathaway's most recent terrible boyfriend choice, owes $3.6 mil.

And the next No Pants Subway Ride in New York City is January 10th.

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While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 30-21

U.S. Fighter Pilot Admits To Engaging U.F.O. In 1957

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Oct 2008 15:42:00 GMT

Is this a photo of a UFO... or a game of Ultimate Frisbee?

You may have noticed that we don't talk about UFOs or report sightings and other supposed evidence as news on Scanner.

However, when mainstream media outlets start running epic stories about Cold War-era pilots coming out of retirement to discuss shooting down alien spacecraft, it's time to explore...

"I shall never forget it," he told the Times. "On that night I was ordered to open fire even before I had taken off. That had never happened before."

That's retired American pilot Milton Torres talking about an incident in May 1957 when he was ordered to shoot down a UFO and told never, under penalty of treason, to discuss the incident with anyone. Torres, 77 and now living in Miami, is apparently no longer afraid of G-men... or aliens:

His story was among dozens of UFO sightings in defence ministry files released at the National Archives in London.

In a written account, Torres described how he scrambled his F-86 D Sabre jet in calm weather from the Royal Air Force base at Manston, Kent in May 1957.

"I was only a lieutenant and very much aware of the gravity of the situation. I felt very much like a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest," he said.

"The order came to fire a salvo of rockets at the UFO. The authentication was valid and I selected 24 rockets.

"I had a lock-on that had the proportions of a flying aircraft carrier," he added. "The larger the airplane, the easier the lock-on. This blip almost locked itself."

At the last moment, the object disappeared from the radar screen and the high-speed chase was called off.

He returned to base and was debriefed the next day by an unnamed man who "looked like a well-dressed IBM salesman."

UFO expert David Clarke noted that the object may have been the decoy in a Western program trying to test Soviet air capabilities... or a UFO. What do you think? Are these saucers from outer space or... weather balloons? Or what?

Via Yahoo/Reuters. The UK National Archives on UFOs can be found here.

Related:

Quit Yer Grinnin' and Drop Your Linen, 'Cause the Aliens Are Probably Here

While You Were Sleeping: David Duchovny Can't Keep It Together

While You Were Sleeping: Angelina Jolie's Breastfeeding Cover

Sloppy Seconds: New Apprentice Set To Be Worst TV Show Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 26 Aug 2008 20:42:00 GMT

If you're a woman in your late twenties and going to have sex with your seventeen-year-old lover, please don't get drunk first. Also, please don't get drunk with your teenage lover, have sex in a train station, and refuse to leave when you are loudly asked to stop fucking each others' brains out over the public address system...

Despite the operator’’s pleas for them to get dressed and desist, the woman of 29 and her boyfriend aged 17 carried on.

In fact, British Transport Police officers had to drive out to arrest the pair and bed them down overnight in cells - separately - before releasing them with cautions the next day.

The incident took place at 11pm at the Wandle Park stop in Croydon, South London.

Even better, the damn lucky bastards got off with merely a night in jail and a strong British scolding. God bless that country...

In other news:

We still can't get over the fact that a woman is named Brooklyn, is hot, and is now getting married to Andy Roddick.

Joe Francis, founder and douche emeritus of Girls Gone Wild, joins rumored co-stars Khloe Kardashian, Joan Rivers, and Dennis The Menace Rodman at the Big Office In The Sky(scraper) on next season's The Apprentice.

Enough trashing of Canada (people, we were kidding yesterday by the way.)

As of the women of the world's military institutions don't suffer enough: one of their male counterparts has been accused of posting nude photos of his fellow female soldiers on the web.

And Anne Hathaway talks politics:

AP: What inspires you about Obama?

"I was kind of afraid of Obama the first time I saw him. I thought, I've been burned by guys like you before. I've been burned by politicians before that I wanted to believe in and just didn't live up to it. And I was afraid to trust him and I was afraid to have hope when I first kind of became aware of him. It was around the time that he gave his speech on race that I just said 'I can't deny how I feel about you, Barack Obama. I want you to be the president. I want you in the White House.'"

Why Is The Military Covering Up Murder In Iraq?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 20:23:00 GMT

Pfc. Lavena Johnson, 19, was the first woman from Missouri to be killed in the Iraq War. She was found in KBR tent with a broken nose, busted teeth, cut-up lip, burn marks on her genitals, and a gunshot wound to her head.

The US Military told this soldier's family that their daughter died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound...

An Army representative initially told LaVena's father, Dr. John Johnson, that his daughter died of "died of self-inflicted, noncombat injuries," but initially added that it was not a suicide. The subsequent Army investigation reversed this finding and declared LaVena's death a suicide... Dr. Johnson pointed to indications that his daughter had endured a physical struggle... suggesting that "someone might have punched her in the mouth."

A promise by the office of Representative William Lacy Clay to look into the matter produced nothing. The military said that the matter was closed.

Liberal media outlets such as Democracy Now! and some lesser-known blogs have trumpeted the case, to no avail. Now the Katrina-focused group Color of Change is pushing hard for a Congressional petition, and have added a new charge to the fray: rape by her a military serviceperson.

[S]he was raped, murdered, and her body was burned--by someone from her own military base.

From Common Dreams:

“Lavena was clearly happy and seemed in very good health both physically and emotionally.”
Johnson was concerned about the bruising on her face. He was puzzled by the discrepancy in the autopsy report on the location of the gunshot wound. As a US Army veteran and a 25-year US Army civilian employee who had counseled veterans, he was mystified how the exit wound of an M-16 shot could be so small. The hole in Lavena’s head appeared to be more the size of a pistol shot rather than an M-16 round. He questioned why the exit hole was on the left side of her head, when she was right handed. But the gluing of military uniform white gloves onto Lavena’s hands hiding burns on one of her hands is what deepened Dr. Johnson’s concerns that the Army’s investigation into the death of his daughter was flawed.

But this is only the beginning of the coverup: among other things, investigators claimed that Lavena was found fully clothed, although hidden crime scene photos showed this to be a falsification, and that Lavena was, in fact, found in the nude. There was also an unexplained blood trail leaving her KBR tent.

We're not even going to pretend to be objective here: this is the military we're talking about. This might not even make the footnotes on a multi-volume history of their illegal coverups, lies, and defrauding of the treasury. We're just going to say: this is fucking sick, and you should sign this petition for the Democrats to open an investigation here.

More on this story from Common Dreams, Lavena Johnson The Website, and Democracy Now.

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Ghost Ride the Whip and the HumVee

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 10 Jul 2008 15:36:00 GMT

This is a compilation of people ghost riding. Because dancing alongside a moving vehicle with no one in the driver's seat is by now a legitimate hobby and hard earned skill.

But it's not just suburban kids in their parent's cars who ghost ride nowadays. America's finest are also getting in on the action. And it looks like all that basic training has really paid off.

Military ghost riding after the jump.

Caption This: George Bush Chest Bump

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 20:00:00 GMT

George Bush gave a cadet a chest bump at a Colorado Air Force graduation ceremony last week. Hopefully, none of the AWOL President's ethics and commitment to this country will rub off...

Via Strollerderby and Profiles Blog.

Australian Troop Scandal Is The Epitome Of Sexism

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 23 May 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Politicians and press persons in Britain and Australia are getting their knickers in a twist over allegations Bollywood star Tania Zaetta bedded one or more soldiers during a goodwill tour of Afghanistan.

Why is this story sexist? We're glad you asked... it was our first thought ("wow-- this story is sexist!") when we came across it in the Telegraph newspaper...

...mainly because the only "scandal" in here is that a woman decided to sleep with a man. In other words, you can bet ten million AU$ that if this was Hollywood star Richard Gere having sex with a female soldier, we wouldn't be hearing about it.

True, Zaetta, a former Baywatch "babe," was in Afghanistan merely to perform for troops ~~and not to perform on them~~ , but why is it anybody's business if she was entertaining after hours? Zaetta not only hasn't been accused of anything essentially wrong, she's also, in all probability, innocent. Other members of her entourage deny "allegations" that the actress "acted improperly."

Meanwhile, Australia's Parliament is looking into the matter, specficially the name of the individual who identified Ms. Zaetta as the accused in military paperwork.

What do you think? If she's guilty of having sex with soldiers, is there anything wrong with it?

Via the Telegraph UK.

Admiral in Bush Administration Had Affair In White House Basement

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 May 2008 17:37:00 GMT

His name, seriously, is Vice Admiral John Stufflebeem. And boy, did he stuff his beam in an early-20s woman in his White House basement love nest...

The juicy/repulsive highlights:

1) It appears a bitter rival on the same career path (or maybe the scorned wom[e]n involved were upset and) came after him. According to USA Today:

an anonymous letter revealed an 18-year-old secret that Stufflebeem thought was long buried and forgotten. The letter accused Stufflebeem of carrying on an eight-month affair with a female State Department staffer while the two were assigned to the White House in 1990.

2) While still living with his wife, who remained oblivious (it seems) to the whole affair, the "37-year-old commander pretended to be a widower, telling the woman that his wife had died of breast cancer and that he was raising his two children on his own, according to the Inspector General's report."

3) Stufflebeem got it on with the unnamed female, who worked for the State Department, "in the White House basement and when the two traveled abroad with the White House travel team. The two engaged in 'passionate kissing' in a car parked near the White House grounds, and he even sexually propositioned the woman's close friend on a trip to London, the report says." Let it never be said the Clinton Administration had more sex in those hallowed halls-- hey, this guy actually got laid in the White House, unlike some former Presidents.

4) On top of all that, the poor woman had to find out he was married from other employees. How embarrassing would that be? You think you're top of the world, baby, just out of college and getting bonked in the fucking White House, then all of a sudden, some dudes you work with say: "What? He told you he's wearing his wedding ring so his kids believe mommy isn't dead? Well, the kids are right-- she ain't fuckin' dead."

5) The affair eventually came to light within the White House hierarchy (Bush 1 knew!), it wasn't until the anonymous letter back in January that Stufflebeem's full story came out and he was completely sacked. The "Boomer" (no, it wasn't a Bush, Sr. nicknname, but a Detroit Lions one) lied to investigators, it is alleged, telling them it was only a chaste "kiss" and that he couldn't even remember the woman's name. Somehow, the whole thing blew over... until now...

Enjoy more sordid details at USA Today.com. (That's probably the only time in history that sentence has ever been uttered.)

Do Rape, Don't Tell: Women in U.S. Army More Likely To Get Raped Than Killed

Katie Halper — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 21:00:00 GMT

Can people stop getting their panties all up in a bunch over rape in the U.S. Army? Sheesh! Alternet links to a David Rosen article from Counter Punch on Rape as an Instrument of War. And it must be Congresswoman Jane Harmon's time of month, because she is going OCD over what she refers to as "Rape in the Ranks." So, nobody is doing anything about the 73% increase in the number of rapes of women employed by the army; so the 12 women who have said they were sexually assaulted or raped or gang-raped by fellow KBR employees haven't received that much attention. But I prefer to look at the military rape epidemic glass as half full.

Congresswoman Jane Harmon reports that at a Los Angeles VA Healthcare Center she visited, 41% of female veterans claimed they were victims of sexual assault while in the military, and 29% reported being raped during their military service. But this is actually great news for U.S. service women! As Harmon herself states, "Women serving in the U.S. military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq."

Here's the happy story:

Rapists in The Ranks

Sexual assaults are frequent, and frequently ignored, in the armed services.

By Jane Harman
March 31, 2008

The stories are shocking in their simplicity and brutality: A female military recruit is pinned down at knifepoint and raped repeatedly in her own barracks. Her attackers hid their faces but she identified them by their uniforms; they were her fellow soldiers. During a routine gynecological exam, a female soldier is attacked and raped by her military physician. Yet another young soldier, still adapting to life in a war zone, is raped by her commanding officer. Afraid for her standing in her unit, she feels she has nowhere to turn.

These are true stories, and, sadly, not isolated incidents. Women serving in the U.S. military are more likely to be raped by a fellow soldier than killed by enemy fire in Iraq.

The scope of the problem was brought into acute focus for me during a visit to the West Los Angeles VA Healthcare Center, where I met with female veterans and their doctors. My jaw dropped when the doctors told me that 41% of female veterans seen at the clinic say they were victims of sexual assault while in the military, and 29% report being raped during their military service. They spoke of their continued terror, feelings of helplessness and the downward spirals many of their lives have since taken.

Numbers reported by the Department of Defense show a sickening pattern. In 2006, 2,947 sexual assaults were reported -- 73% more than in 2004. The DOD's newest report, released this month, indicates that 2,688 reports were made in 2007, but a recent shift from calendar-year reporting to fiscal-year reporting makes comparisons with data from previous years much more difficult.

The Defense Department has made some efforts to manage this epidemic -- most notably in 2005, after the media received anonymous e-mail messages about sexual assaults at the Air Force Academy. The media scrutiny and congressional attention that followed led the DOD to create the Sexual Assault and Response Office. Since its inception, the office has initiated education and training programs, which have improved the reporting of cases of rapes and other sexual assaults. But more must be done to prevent attacks and to increase accountability.

At the heart of this crisis is an apparent inability or unwillingness to prosecute rapists in the ranks. According to DOD statistics, only 181 out of 2,212 subjects investigated for sexual assault in 2007, including 1,259 reports of rape, were referred to courts-martial, the equivalent of a criminal prosecution in the military. Another 218 were handled via nonpunitive administrative action or discharge, and 201 subjects were disciplined through "nonjudicial punishment," which means they may have been confined to quarters, assigned extra duty or received a similar slap on the wrist. In nearly half of the cases investigated, the chain of command took no action; more than a third of the time, that was because of "insufficient evidence."

This is in stark contrast to the civilian trend of prosecuting sexual assault. In California, for example, 44% of reported rapes result in arrests, and 64% of those who are arrested are prosecuted, according to the California Department of Justice.

The DOD must close this gap and remove the obstacles to effective investigation and prosecution. Failure to do so produces two harmful consequences: It deters victims from reporting, and it fails to deter offenders. The absence of rigorous prosecution perpetuates a culture tolerant of sexual assault -- an attitude that says "boys will be boys."

I have raised the issue with Defense Secretary Robert Gates. Although I believe that he is concerned, thus far, the military's response has been underwhelming -- and the apparent lack of urgency is inexcusable.

Congress is not doing much better. Although these sexual assault statistics are readily available, our oversight has failed to come to grips with the magnitude of the crisis. The abhorrent and graphic nature of the reports may make people uncomfortable, but that is no excuse for inaction. Congressional hearings are urgently needed to highlight the failure of existing policies. Most of our servicewomen and men are patriotic, courageous and hardworking people who embody the best of what it means to be an American. The failure to address military sexual assault runs counter to those ideals and shames us all.

Jane Harman (D-Venice) chairs the House Homeland Security subcommittee on intelligence.

The Truth Behind Britney's Breakdown?

Emily Farris — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 16:48:00 GMT

Blogger Kung Fu Monkey may be onto something. Could Britney's very public breakdown be a conspiracy to cover up the most important military mission of all time?

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT
Date: [REDACTED]
NSA INTERVIEW ROOM #[REDACTED]
PRESENT: AGENT [REDACTED], ASSET CODENAME/TOXIC
Preliminary Interview
Interview already in progress, see Transcript #194BSZ

Agent: Based on this evidence, our profilers believe you have the best chance of getting close to Osama Bin Laden. He is utterly obsessed with you.

(PAUSE / 8 SECONDS)

Agent: Miss [redacted]?
Toxic: Anything for my country
Agent: We're not going to lie to you. You're America's pop princess. There's no way he's going to believe you just decided to "hook" up with him. No way he's got a chance with you at the height of your fame and power. We need --
Toxic: -- to ruin me.
Agent: A downward spiral. Very public, very messy. This is deep cover, Miss [redacted]. Not everybody comes back.
Toxic: What's the timetable?
Agent: To make it convincing? Years. At least. Sham marriage. Alcohol and drug abuse, multiple psychological problems. We need to go completely over the top, too, to make it convincing. And then ...
Toxic: Then what?
Agent: You contact any one of these paparazzi we've had under surveillance. They're all of Middle Eastern or Muslim descent. Begin a relationship. Our profilers feel that at that point, Bin Laden will figure he has a chance, and will make the call.
Toxic: What do I do when that happens?
Agent: You'll receive weapons training.
Toxic: I understand.

We'll suspend belief for a little while; we know that Osama bin Laden is actually totally obsessed with Whitney Houston. But Brit did say in Fahrenheit 911 that you should believe and follow your president. We know, it's kind-of like letting yourself believe that daddy really is working late because you want mommy to believe it, too.

[Kung-Fu Monkey: Operation In The Zone]