Scanner : men

Drunkenness No Longer an Excuse for Being a Creepy Old Man

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 20:33:00 GMT

According to a new study, alcohol does not impair a man's ability to tell whether a girl is legal or not. The study, published by the University of Leicester in the British Journal of Psychology, found that alcohol had very little impact on men's perception of the ages of women in pictures.

A total of 240 members of the public in bars and cafés were asked to look at composite photographs of ten young women aged 17 and asked to rate their attractiveness.

Some of the photos were digitally altered to give the faces a younger or older appearance and make-up was applied in some cases. Half of the participants questioned had consumed at least some alcohol before the task and their blood-alcohol level was measured by a breathalyser test.

The study found that participants consistently overestimated the age of the girls in the images by an average of 3.5 years. But although men and women rated younger-looking faces as more attractive on average, “contrary to expectations, alcohol and make-up did not inflate attractiveness ratings”, the researchers write.

The lead researcher, Vincent Egan, said: “This study suggests that alcohol consumption and make-up use do not interfere with how old we perceive someone to be.

“Another interesting finding was that, overall, participants who drank alcohol actually rated all the women in the photos as less attractive, compared with the participants who had not drunk alcohol.

“This seemingly flies in the face of the commonly held notion of ‘beer goggles’.”

So stop blaming your perverted (or preverted, as Scanner Colleen would say) ways on the beer, old men, and just admit you like little girls, okay?

[Telegraph: Men may not be able to blame alcohol for underage sex]

Related:

Researchers Shocked and Appalled to Find Young People Use Drugs and Alcohol to Enhance Sex

See, Dad? Having Tattoos Does Not Make Me a Drunk Slut.

Art Students the Biggest Sluts, Study Says

[Image]

Tropical Ants Have Completely Done Away With Men

Emily Farris — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:34:00 GMT

A species of ant has decided they don't need men anymore. And have done away with them. Completely.

Biologists from the University of Arizona have found that the Amazonian Ant (otherwise known as the Mycocepurus smithii), has "dispensed with sex."

Not only is the Amazonian Ant now an all-female species—basically genetically cloning their daughters to reproduce—the ants are no longer capable of mating even if they had male counterparts. An essential part of the ants' reproductive system, called the "mussel organ," has "degenerated."

[Yahoo!: The all-female ant species that doesn't need sex to reproduce]

Related:

That is Not a Berry, That's an Ant's Ass

**The Science of Backing That A*s Up**

Harvard Kids Think Science is Sexy.. And So Can You

Who Does Depression Hurt? Everybody Except Women Taking Semen Vaginally, Says a New Study

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 22:35:00 GMT

Women are diagnosed with clinical depression in higher numbers than men. This doesn't mean women are more prone to depression, only that they go to the doctor and get a diagnosis more often than men. But now a new study claims to have found the miracle cure for female depression: semen!

As women, our moods are especially dependent on hormones and, as you might expect, semen is chock full of them. So if birth control supposedly works better when inserted directly into the vagina, like vodka tampons (!?) wouldn't a straight shot of semen right in there work better than say, popping a semen pills, partaking in a Creamy Cum Crepe or even taking a shot of it orally? Yes, say the authors of the study who reported that women who did not use condoms during sex showed lower depression scores than women who used condoms or were not sexually active.

Our first thought, of course, was that women who were not using condoms were probably in long-term relationships and having regular sex, and more often. And sex, as we all know, puts one in a good mood. The authors, however, were less forgiving of women:

The authors acknowledge that there are lots of issues with the study. The women who didn't use condoms could be less depressed just because they are having sex more often. They could also be more likely to engage in risky behavior, though this trait doesn't appear to correlate with depression or lack thereof.

Other interesting results of the study:

Not only that, people who used condoms the most often were also the ones most likely to report having attempted suicide. Whether or not people were in relationships at the time had no effect. Interestingly, they also found that oral contraceptives did not have a significant effect on depressive symptoms. Finally, they found that women who did not use condoms had sex almost twice as often as those who did.

Still, the study concluded that women who have sex without condoms—not women who have more sex—are less depressed. Too bad AIDS is such a downer.

[Neurotopia: Friday Weird Science: Feeling down? Have you tried...semen?]

Related:

Somebody Pass the Creamy Cum Crepes!

The Latest Kool Kid Kraze: Vodka Tampons

Gmail Scans and Semen Tanks

Image via ebarney's flickr

Sloppy Seconds: What We Gave Up for Lent

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 23:33:00 GMT

I may have moved to the worst city—ever!—for dating, but at least it's the manliest based on "the number of U.S.-made cars driven in the city, number of sports bars and BBQ restaurants, number of home improvement and hardware stores as well as manly salty snacks consumption." [FatCity]

The Seattle Post-Intelligencer is one step closer to switching to an online-only publication. [Yahoo!]

Michelle Obama will be the first person other than Oprah herself to ever appear on the cover of O Magazine. [Us]

What's this about a giant blue wiener in "The Watchmen?" Now we're totally seeing it. [Rolling Stone]

Gossip Girl's Matthew Settle (Rufus) is a daddy. [People]

Believe it or not kids, Scanner Emily here, an athiest, gave up sex (or anything beyond kissing, hugging and a back rub if I can get it) for Lent. Some people are giving up texting. Both would probably be good for interpersonal relationships. What are you giving up, if anything? [Tech-Ex]

Will the Real Mr. Skin Please Stand Up?

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:51:00 GMT

Would you believe me if I told you I love Mr. Skin? Like, love it, love it? And that I look at it every day? What if I told you it wasn't that Mr. Skin, but instead a ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin that shows the beautiful skins of beautiful misters?

What up, Johnny Depp?

Oh, Owen: you look so cute with a puppy!

Hello there, Javier.

Obviously the blog needs some work, and some more contributions. But this is a good start, and a great use of the name ~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin.

[~~Mr.~~ Mrs. Skin]

Related:

**F*ck Yeah, Ryan Gosling!**

And Then Ryan Gosling Reached Down to Take Off Scanner Emily's Wet Panties...

Sloppy Seconds: Are Ryan Gosling and Scanner Emily Wishing Underneath the Same Big Star?

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

Related:

10 Hottest Funny Women

Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Prevent HPV With...You Know What

Emily Farris — Mon, 23 Feb 2009 22:51:00 GMT

Ugh. The human papillomavirus. You probably know it as HPV and also as that annoying virus that you have or probably will contract at some point in your sexually active life.

More than 100 strains of the virus have been identified and 30 to 40 are constantly being passed around the sexually active population in the United States. If you've had lots of sex with lots of partners, it's quite possible you have, at one time or another, contracted at least one strain of HPV. The virus can and often does leave your body, but some forms stick around and cause warts and others can lead to cancer—most notably cervical cancer in women.

Unfortunately, condoms can't always protect against it and while little is known about the risk factors associated with HPV in men, a new study purports that there is one way to decrease a man's chances of contracting HPV.

Circumcision.

To investigate, they followed 285 men for about 18 months, testing for HPV every 6 months. Overall, 29 percent of the men became infected with the virus over 1 year; 19 percent acquired an HPV strain linked to cancer.

Men who said they'd had more than 16 sex partners had about three times the HPV risk of those with fewer sex partners. They were also nearly 10 times more likely to contract a potentially cancer-causing strain.

When it came to HPV clearance, circumcision appeared beneficial, the researchers found.

Circumcised men were three times more likely to clear any type of HPV infection by the end of the follow-up period and six times more likely to clear a cancer-linked HPV strain.

The reasons for these findings are not clear, according to Giuliano and her colleagues. It's possible, they suggest, that circumcised men are less likely to get skin abrasions during sex, which might mean that fewer HPV particles enter their bodies.

However, the article does not state how many of the men were wearing condoms, if any. Our limited medical expertise leads us to believe that if there's a condom involved, it wouldn't really matter if the man was circumcised or not. But what do we know? (Not much).

[FOXNews: Study: Circumcision May Protect Men From HPV]

Related:

Are Too Few Baby Boys Being Circumcised?

Reversing That Circumcision Even Scarier Than You Thought

You're Circumcised? Well, That Explains It...

Caption This: Every Time Pete Wentz Shops an Angel Gets Its Penis

Emily Farris — Fri, 12 Dec 2008 18:27:00 GMT

[Image]

Scanner's Man of the Year: Pete Wentz (And His Penis)

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Dear Pete Wentz,

Pete, Pete, Pete.

When we were first introduced to you as Ashlee Simpson's maybe baby daddy, we only knew you as that kid in the emo band who wore eyeliner—we had no idea what that band of yours was called or what you played (okay we sill don't know.... bass?). Who knew we'd get to know you so, so, so much better over the course of a few short months. But let's be honest here: had it not been for your penis, we'd hardly know you at all.

It's true, you may be a little dumb. And boring. But you were smart (or stupid?) enough to leak your own cell phone penis pictures, therefore making people who would otherwise never even know your name obsess over your penis.

For 18 weeks running—basically ever since we first made mention of your penis—you (okay, your penis)—has been among our top searched terms here at Scanner. In fact, when one Googles "Pete Wentz Penis" our site is the first to pop up. Hell, when one Google's "Scanner" we don't even appear until pages later. So, really Pete, we owe a lot to your penis.

For that, you are our Man of the Year.

Congratulations.

And we're sorry.

Related:

What Pete Wentz Has to Say About Those Penis Pictures

The World Has Joe Biden to Thank for Pete Wentz's Penis

Crush of the Week: Pete Wentz (<---Penis Pictures!)

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Puts His Money Where His Penis is Not

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz and His Penis (and His Wife!) Win the Weird Baby Name Game

Today in Obvious: Pete Wentz is Dumb, Nice

Scanner Contest: Name The Celebrity Packages

Get Up, Get Out and Do Something

[Image]

Michael Cera Doesn't Know He's Famous, Might Still Be My Boyfriend

Emily Farris — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 16:11:00 GMT

How cute is Michael Cera? He doesn't even know he's famous.

"I don’t really want to be famous, and I’m kind of scared that might be happening … I might really have to stop and think before I make decisions now, and see how they’re going to affect my life, and see if it’s what I want to be doing with my life. I guess I need to make sure that it’s worth all that comes with it."

Ahhh! Michael Cera. Will you marry me? We'll run away to a little cabin upstate, or in Montana, or wherever, and we'll grow our own vegetables. And I'll cook us three meals a day and you can impregnate me with 2.5 of your children—you know, when we're a little older.

But, um, would you mind growing a beard? Er, can you?

[MollyGood: Cera Last to Know He's Famous]

Related:

A Scanner Star Is Born and She Will Now Make Michael Cera Flustered and Uncomfortable

Crush of the Week: Ellen Page

Indie Rockers Find the Scruffy, Shambling Man-Heart of "Sex and the City"

[Image]

Study: Cyber Sex Can Cause Major Depression

Emily Farris — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:38:00 GMT

A new study out of Australia has linked cybersex and depression, claiming that people who frequent online sex sites have alarmingly high rates of depression, anxiety and stress.

What’s more, people who seek out cyber sex typically devote hours a day to the covert activity, the study found. The Australian research also revealed that overwhelmingly male, well-educated, and aged anywhere from 18 to 80 indulge in such kind of ‘pleasure’.

They spend an average of just over 12 hours on the sites each week – mostly chatting, participating in cyber sex with webcams, downloading video and images, or sending erotic emails, the study found.

The research revealed that more than 65 per cent of the 1325 American and Australian men surveyed said they had met someone off line that they had first encountered online.

The article says nothing about women, so we'd be interested to see if the study covered the ladies as well.

While we absolutely understand the appeal of cyber sex for some people, we imagine that using it in place of the real thing could get pretty fucking depressing after a while. Or maybe that's just a girl thing? Or maybe all those new Dentyne ads are right?

[Times of India: Cyber sex can cause ‘major’ depression]

Related:

Scanner Highs and Lows: In Which We Consider Prancing Around in Stripper Shoes to Survive the Recession

This Woman Just Wants to Save You From Your Filthy Cybersexing Habit

Cutie With Big Brown Eyes Seeks Mate for Play or Serious Relationship

Matchmaker, Matchmaker, Make Me An Online Match

What Do 60% of Men Allegedly Trim?

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 19:36:00 GMT

Hint: It's not their ear hair.

In this Guardian column, the extremely British Charlie Brooker learns that 60% of men take a cuticle sissors to their pubes. Upon finding out, he is more than a little insecure about his own wild mane down under:

If the majority of other men genuinely spend hours hoisting their scrotum over the bathroom sink with one hand, nail scissors in the other, meticulously snipping and pruning their man-bush into a tiny ornamental hedge, until their entire pubic region resembles a tranquil arboretum in miniature, albeit one with a cheerful bit of dick poking out of it, then maybe all my ex-girlfriends have been secretly revolted by my comparatively slovenly lower appearance. Did they think I was some sort of wild hobo?

But, oh, sweet relief, it turns out the "survey" that fact was based on is too small to offer definitive proof that 60% of men actually do prune the hedges.

Fortunately, it seems no pubic-hair memo has been issued at all: on closer inspection, the "survey" that threw up the 60%-trim rating had only asked 50 men, with no indication of how representative these 50 men were. They could've been male strippers. Or indie Camden eyeliner types whose black jeans are so tight, they have to shave their minges off just to do up their flies. I wouldn't put anything past those twats. They probably don't have human-size testicles anyway.

So what's up with it, dudes? Is Charlie's disbelief justified, or should he head straight for the clippers? Do you trim, or
let it grow wild and free? And if you are trimming, do you have human-size testicles?

10 Things That Make Men Cry

Ina Maier — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:58:00 GMT

Did you know that there are ten whole things that will make a man cry?

Did you also know that we are somehow still in an age wherein the BBC (!) would consider ten whole things that make men, nay - "blokes" cry news? No? Well, pull up a chair and sit down because do we have news for you: Men cry! Particulary during emotional and/or life-altering events like, oh, say, the birth of their first child! Or being dumped! Or watching someone you love be treated like shit! Also cry-worthy: failure (in the eyes of a loved one), success (in the eyes of a parent), and having to apologize. Losing, and winning both place on the list, as does low self-esteem.

What a quirky and original list! What instant Digg material! What say we put it under "Offbeat"?

Ugh.

Does anyone else agree that this sort of pseudo-sexist crap is embarrassing, particularly in this day and age? Of course men cry. And while it may not be a stereotypically common occurrence, it is not news. And -- at the very least -- if you're going to insist on running it, please make it funny. We don't think we ask for much.

We're sure there's a good Rudy joke in there somewhere.

[via BBC]

Five Things Women Think They Know About Men (But They're Wrong)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:00:00 GMT

At the risk of turning into Cosmo for the day, we're going to set the record straight about some things, since all of them are getting out of hand.

5) We are freaked out if you want to cook us dinner... on the second date. Back when Washington was copping his first feel under the cherry tree (ah, young love), it was not frowned upon for a woman being courted for marriage to prepare a meal for her chaperoned suitor. This trend, it seems, peaked most especially in the 1950s, arguably one of America's most conservative eras. So why is it that women these days are afraid of cooking so early on in a "courtship?" The country has grown ever more progressive, yet small tokens of affection have increasingly been put off to a more secure point in the relationship. If you find yourself dating a guy who might balk at a minuscule hint at romance on the second date, get out now.

4) Wanting to have a serious conversation in bed, especially after sex, is acceptable. We know it's been a long day, you worked late, and this our first chance to talk. Too bad-- wait till the next opportunity to bring up your unintended pregnancy, marriage plans (for me!), and anything else with the exception of STD's. Yes, after sex is a great time to bring those up... or, you know... before, whichever's more convenient for you.

3) Men love breast implants. And we can tell, ladies, because your boobs don't move-- and part of the appeal of boobs is that they can move. But more importantly than that, it's a real turnoff to learn a) you're seriously lacking self-confidence and b) you think you'll attract more/better mates with those things. You won't. Which kind of guys do you think are more likely to appreciate fake tits? Confident, successful, "keepers" or keg-standing douches? (Remember, kids: organic beats processed any day.)

2) The thinner, the better. Ladies, skinny or otherwise, it's not a biggie (really), but when we start to pay more attention to your ribcage and vertebrae than your hypnotic eyes and sensational personality, we will force a waffle cone of rocky road ice cream on you. You'll thank us for it when you realize how much healthier it is to avoid looking as grossly thin as Paris Hilton.

1) Men give a rat's bunghole what shoes you're wearing. Certainly not unless they are gnarly flip-flops exposing even gnarlier toes or a pair of hot high heels. If you asked us what our girlfriend's shoe closet looks like, we will look at you like you are a martian or, worse, a Ron Paul supporter.

Feel free to add numbers six and up in the comments...

No, How Would _You_ Rate in 1939?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 18:24:00 GMT

As Scanner Brian just showed you, back in a time when sex was called "marital congress" people had some pretty interesting — and terrifying — ideas about how their spouses were supposed to behave. And when we say "spouses" we mean women.

George W. Crane's Marital Rating Scale from 1939 makes this frighteningly clear, offering a series of merits and demerits for a wife's ability to keep up her house and her appearance.

How would we rate, Scanner Brian asks? Very poorly!

If there was such a thing as the equivalent of the blogger back then (the romance writer with a male pen name?), she'd be in big, big trouble. Demerits, demerits, demerits for wearing "soiled or ragged dresses and aprons around the house."

At least we'd get merits for being able to carry on an interesting conversation, but we'd get — fuck! — five demerits for using slang or profanity? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

Infuriating, yet hilarious, right?

Luckily, there's a chart for the husband that makes us feel a little better about being such a poor potential spouse (can you really blame a guy for snoring?).

How would you rate, men?

Maybe a very poor wife and a very poor husband could be a very happy couple.

See all three pages of each chart at tiabla's flickr.

[Monitor via Thrillist and via Scanner Brian]

Related: How Would You Rate in 1939?

New Issue of "Pinups" Gets Us All Hot and Bothered

Emily Farris — Mon, 19 May 2008 13:21:00 GMT

Okay, really naked, bearded, burly men get us all hot and bothered, but it's not like we just have naked, bearded, burly men at our disposal. But if you think we should have naked, bearded, burly men at our disposal, a gift subscription to Pinups would be the perfect way to make that happen.

This is the cover of issue No. 6, which you can pre-order now (send to Emily Farris, c/o Nerve, New York, NY) and click through to find out just what makes this magazine so special (NSFW).

We're going to go take a cold shower while you get that pre-order going.

[Previously: "Pinups" Issue No. 5 Gets a 10]

Tired of Hank Hill Ass?

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 14:48:00 GMT

Try Bottoms Up padded boxer briefs for men.

Available in three striking colors (grey, black and white), Bottoms Up will solve all you inadequacy issues "down there." Plus, if you act now, you can buy two get one free. That's three for the price of two! Or one-and-a-half for the price of one.

And just think, gentlemen, when your ass comes off with your drawers, s/he will be so freaked out s/he won't even notice that strange rash on your dick.

[Bottoms Up]

Website of the Day: 101 Things Every Man Should Know

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 14:30:00 GMT

We're not sure why these are specifically things a man should know... or if he really needs to learn them at all. (Must we learn how to smoke cigars, for example, if we think people who smoke cigars smell like a barf-filled A train at 4am?)

There are some obvious entries in the WEBook page for "101 Things Every Man Should Know..."

It's Not What But How A Man Does [there are no direct links]

Plan A Romantic Vacation

How To Make Your Place Fit For Female Company

...and some less-obvious, more gender-neutral ones:

How To Get Out Of A Speeding Ticket

Changing The Tire On A Car

How To Roll A Joint

We're pretty sure we'll never need to know how to fake an orgasm, but WEBook Writer Melissa has other suggestions on this thread, which you should comment on: What SHOULD every man know how to do?

(Also, check out "Looking Good in A Speedo," which we expected to consist of two words ("You don't") but instead, miraculously, goes on for almost 1,100. And most importantly, the site is a work-in-progress and is still accepting submissions. We may write something about Chivalry And Not Expecting To Be Rewarded For It...)

Via 101 Things Every Man Should Know How To Do.

Photo of one of the great gentlemen, Cary Grant, courtesy of Ultra Orange.

Male Spiders Play Dead for Sex, Apparently It's Working Out for Them

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:03:00 GMT

So, let's get this straight. When a male spider just lies there with a little bit of food hanging out of his mouth, a female spider will ride him all night long, spidey-style?

Not all male nursery web spiders looking for a little arachnid sex adopt this technique, but those that do more than double their chances of hitting the jackpot, according to new study in Behavioral Ecology...

But the ones that lay flat and motionless -- even if meant getting dragged about by a female that had latched onto the victuals -- wound up in a much better position, as it were, to engage in sexual activity.
Males that played dead were also allowed to copulate longer than males that did not, ensuring more eggs could [be] fertilized, the researchers reported.

Glad that's working out for you, spiders, but I'd like to be the first to say: men, don't try this at home.

[AFP: Male spiders play dead for sex: study]

Man Has Sex With Vacuum Cleaner

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 21:00:00 GMT

The only thing worse than being desperate enough to do it with an inanimate (and probably uncomfortable) object is getting caught kneeling naked on the floor of your work restroom and getting busted doing it with an inanimate object...

Last week, there was the guy who had sex with a goat, then the other guy who tried to have sex with a goat. Now there's this guy, who apparently couldn't even get a flippin' goat to go on a date with him:

The man was allegedly discovered naked, on his hands and knees, with his rude bits in the business end of a smiling Henry vacuum cleaner.
The Sun reports that the Polish man claimed to bosses that he had merely been vacuuming in his underwear, which was supposedly a common practice in Poland. Hmmm.

A smiling Henry? Barf. Yet another reason to not clean our apartments this week-- not being able to look our vacuum cleaner in the eye.

Snooping: Do You Do It?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 20:18:00 GMT

iVillage is doing a series on women who snoop on their boyfriends and what, if anything, they find out from their spelunking. (Guys, are you really this dumb that you give away your affairs by constantly writing on your ex's Facebook Wall? Or that you take naked photos of your ex to work with you? Actually, on behalf of guys everywhere, yes, we are.)

By the way, we hope some guys comment on their own snooping, lest we start to think iVillage is sexist and that only women can go to extremes.

Seriously, ladies, speaking on behalf of gentlemen everywhere, if you find yourself doing any of the following, it's time to a) dump his ass and get to a better place with yourself or b) just DTMA! Seriously.

I recently saw on his Facebook that [his ex] is constantly messaging him and writing on his wall, poking him nonstop. They talk on MSN often, probably even more than we talk. I decided to check his conversation history on MSN between them…They have very in-depth conversations about how life could've been for them, and that if they could go back in time to that one day...
I installed spyware on my home computer to find his email password. His email led to my discovery that he was seeing two other women while living with me.
I tried a GPS tracker, and that showed me one time that his car was parked at a deli for three hours.

Listen to yourself-- you are installing a stalking device on your lover's car to find out where he goes, when, and for how long... dump. the. motherfucker. already.

For more painful memories, click here. And guys, don't forget, do you snoop? Fess up, in the comments.

[Photo: Mad Magazine]

Do Just Like a Lady

Emily Farris — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:28:00 GMT

For many, many years, we thought that was how the Aerosmith song "Dude Looks Like a Lady" went. You know, do just like a lady, act like a lady.

Over at Lady Thrills, the site that brings us daily shots of topless men and celebrity flaws like close-ups of Eva Longoria's cellulite, they're sharing tips on how to snag a man. We haven't read "The Rules," but we've heard enough about it to know this is probably a pretty similar list. While we've already apparently doomed our romantic future by doing things like eating everything on our plate—and, shit, we don't always look great—there's one tip in particular that has us fucked, or not, as it were:

Don’t speak openly about sex

While speaking about sex openly is always fun, being blatant about is never going to work in your favor -- especially on a first date. What you end up doing is giving the guy false hopes (or not) and cheapening what you’re worth.

What you can do is allude to sex via wordplay and eye contact, but never use derogatory wording to describe genitalia or the actual act of fornication. If you act like a lady, the words just won’t sound right coming out of your mouth.

And yes, that's really the picture that accompanied this post.

[LadyThrills.com: Act Like A Lady, Get What You Want]

Women Lead the "Sexual Revolution" in Argentina, Men Have a Hard Time Dealing

Emily Farris — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 18:06:00 GMT

Women are leading the sexual revolution, and just about everything else, in Argentina:

"Twenty years ago sex was sort of silenced. We were coming out of a dictatorship that would censor radio or TV programs that had to do with sex," says Alcira Camilucci, a psychologist and sexologist.

"In the early 2000s, we started noticing a turning point," she said. "Today women are reaching out to find out more about sex and pleasure and they are owning their sexuality."

But are the men having a hard time handling it?

"Women are much more active than 30 years ago. That new social dynamic also applies to sex," said Sapetti, a psychiatrist. "I see it every day in my practice. I have more and more male patients. They come to see me because they are struggling with this new woman."

Wah. Well, hey, at least they're talking it out.

Chicago Tribune: Women lead sex revolution in Argentina (Note: The Tribune left their editor's notes in the bottom of the article).

[Image via]

Why Do Men Pay for Sex?

Emily Farris — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 19:58:00 GMT

A blogger is hoping you'll tell her, actually. Her blog, Letters from Johns, launched yesterday with the story of "a normal and charming guy" who "creeps women out somehow." But she wants to hear from you. You know, if you've ever paid for sex. This could be fun. And it appears to be completely anonymous.

[Letters from Johns]

Simple Math: Funny Girls Have Better Sex

Emily Farris — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:31:00 GMT

Today, the BBC reported that aggressive humor is largely dependent on testosterone levels:

Professor Shuster believes humour develops from aggression caused by male hormones. He documented the reaction of over 400 individuals to his unicycling antics through the streets of Newcastle upon Tyne. Almost half of people responded verbally - more being men. Very few of the women made comic or snide remarks, while 75% of the men attempted comedy - mostly shouting out "Lost your wheel?", for example.

And back in February, they reported that women with higher levels of testosterone have better sex:

"But many younger women also report having low sexual interest and enjoyment and traditionally," she said. "This has been explained away as being caused by relationship issues, depression or other life circumstances. But now we know for many women the underlying problem is biological. If further studies reconfirm the benefits we have seen, the [testosterone] spray could make an enormous difference to the quality of many women's lives."

So if a = b and b = c then a = c? We know that equation is so off, but it should go something like that. Anyone out there recently taken the LSAT and want to help with this one?

BBC News: Humor 'comes from testosterone'
BBC News: Spray to boost female sex drive

[Image of Amy Poehler and Will Arnett via]

(Thanks, Jill!)