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Maxim's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 20:01:00 GMT

It's that time of the year again, apparently: publicists have bribed, starlets have stripped, dudes have drooled, and Maxim men have spoken: the 100 sexiest women of the year, as voted by guys who equate skankiness with sex appeal, are here for your leering amusement...

10. Jennifer Love Hewitt. Just a few weeks ago, it seems, men were dissing The Ghost Whisperer for her "cellulite thighs." Ah, but how quickly does Photoshop make one forget...

9. Jordana Brewster. She was in the recent Fast & Furious blockbuster sensation. Yep... moving on...

8. Rihanna. Here's a woman we go back and forth on all the time. While she's arguably very sexy at time, we were in a Best Buy recently and caught a live DVD of hers on one of the monitors. Besides Britney Spears, we've never seen a pop star perform so lifelessly and in fitting tribute to how awful her manufactured music is. She could've at least pretended those songs would stand the tests of time...

7. Adriana Lima. The writers don't help their cause by calling Lima hotter than Gisele Bundchen, her Brazillian/Victoria's Secret counterpart. Lima is one hot mama, but you'd have to be crazy to think anyone can compete with Gisele, arguably the last of the supermodels.

6. Eliza Dushku. We predicted, what with the relatively inexplicable press she gets from these men's magazines, Dushku would've topped this year's charts. Guess Dollhouse is going to get canceled after all...

5. Mila Kunis. Here's one we can get behind-- not in that way, sicko. When Kunis stepped away from the shadows of That 70's Show, she was reborn as full-blown, modern-day sex bomb with more than half-a-brain. Thank God, because her sex appeal as the dumpy dippy hippie chick on That Show was a bit overrated...

4. Malin Akerman. Another wise choice, although we much prefered the Watchmen star with the Uma Thurman-in-Pulp Fiction dark 'do.

3. Bar Rafaeli. Without question, Leonardo DiCaprio's paramour (seen at the top of this post) is the breakout modeling sensation of 2009. In just the last five months, she's graced the cover of The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Calendar, created one fake "cheating" scandal, and landed in the top 3 of Maxim's countdown, all without a single mainstream media interview or mention in an SNL skit. However, we're predicting she's a token choice, to be replaced next year by the next manufactured sensation.

2. Megan Fox. You knew last year's #1 would be this year's #2-- that's just the way it goes... they wouldn't sell any magazines if it was the same old used-up 18-year-old every time, right? (Kidding.) Obviously, the polls closed prior to yesterday's announcement that Fox has officially called herself "bi-sexual," as that might have skewed the vote from that, uh, demographic.

1. Olivia Wilde. "The pulse-quickening internist played by Olivia Wilde on House, M.D. is named Thirteen (which we presume is out of 10) and has a terminal illness that causes her to dabble in drugs and casual sex." Maxim then tries to make a case that "ah, we see her first!" by citing a series of walk-on roles in shows like The O.C. They should have used her real name to excite themselves over instead: "Olivia Jane Cockburn." By the way, believe it or not, but Wilde is only 25 years old-- doesn't she look much more mature, in a good way, of course?

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Sloppy Seconds: Megan Fox Doesn't Need You To Take Her Seriously

Emily Farris — Mon, 11 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A man gave birth to his twin, Alien style. Sort of. [The Inquisitr]

Looks like Oprah is going to have a lot less shit on her show. Literally. Dr. Oz—her in-house medical professional who was all too excited to talk poo with Ms. Winfrey—is getting his own show. [Yahoo!]

When we were growing up we seriously thought that everyone in our hometown of Independence, MO was skinny and had bad teeth because they were poor. We know better now. But why is meth so prevalent in some regions and not in others? [FlavorWire]

Wanting to not appear so poor ourselves, at 17 we lied to get a credit card. That was the beginning of our own personal financial hell. This pre-paid Discover card might have done us some good... and probably still could. [Lifestyler]

Speaking of us being poor, don't forget you can buy our Missed Tee for a mere $13. We get 10% of every sale, plus what's not to love about dogs humping legs? [MissedTees]

In the mean time, we'll follow Suze Orman on Twitter. [Twitter]

"I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson — who I have nothing against," Megan Fox tells June's Esquire, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard — but I do. And part of it is my own fault." [Us]

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Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Megan Fox doesn't have anything to promote these days, but that never stops "gentleman rags" from running hot photos of her in an effort to "boost" their "circulation."

This time, however, her appearance on the cover of Esquire, and subsequent shots of her in her underwear, have something to do with Fox's promotion of the semi-new Red Cameras...

Here's what Esquire had to say about using the RedONE on this shoot:

For the first time in Esquire's history (and, we imagine, magazine history in general), a cover image was shot as a video. Using the RedONE, a video camera that captures images at four times the resolution of high-definition, photographer-director Greg Williams recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage with Fox — getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, inexplicably lighting a barbecue. "It allowed her to act," Williams says. "She could run scenes without being reminded by the sound of a shutter every four seconds that I was taking a picture. As in still photography, a lot of it is capturing unexpected moments. This takes that one step further."

This, by the way, is the same camera that Che, Angels and Demons, and My Bloody Valentine 3D were shot with. It is rather revolutionary... despite the conventional use of Megan Fox to promote it.

Via Esquire-- these photos will be available on May 10th on newsstands everywhere.

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Sloppy Seconds: We Can All Stop Worrying About Swine Flu Now

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 23:20:00 GMT

Scottish poet Carol Ann Duffy was named the U.K.'s first female Poet Laureate. She's also the first openly gay person to hold the title. [TIME]

Okay, Megan Fox is hot. But Megan Fox eating a hamburger is even hotter, right? [VIDEO: Esquire]

Oprah gave someone else a talk show (hint: it wasn't us). Jenny McCarthy already has her own blog on Oprah.com and now she's getting her own show. How do we get a blog on Oprah.com? [People]

Robert Duvall vs. Wal-Mart. We don't have to tell you whose side we're on. [Yahoo!]

We can all stop worrying about Swine Flu because something else is going to kill us first. Time to beware of Raccoon Ringworm, or Raccoon Roundworm or whatever the hell you want to call the parasite that has blinded a teenager and made an infant brain dead. How the infant came in contact with raccoon feces we don't now. [The Inqisitr]

Because We Thought You Might Like This Shot of Megan Fox in a Corset

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 16:46:00 GMT

The Transformers star donned a corset on the set of her new film (that we've never heard of, unsurprisingly) Jonah Hex. Full image after the jump.

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Girls, Girls, Girls: World's Greatest Strip Club Reopens, Is Hiring Hundreds of Broads

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:15:00 GMT

The Body Shop in West Hollywood, California, is the world's top strip club, hands down. It's not about class or style or even decent drink prices. It's about history.

All those historic touchstones were burned away thanks to an electrical fire in 2008, but that hasn't ended owner Salah Almudarris' dream of dominating the entire state's strip club market...

Almudarris reopened his club on Thursday with a reduced staff-- and he claims to be seeking up to 500 strippers (!) to add to his roster. My God, where does he fit them all? With approximately 50 girls dancing a night, each making between several hundred and $1,000, the Body Shop is small but important part of the local economy-- after all, the club doesn't have a liquor license, so customers are encouraged to frequent area bars before stepping inside.

Two key facts before we get to the historic photos: 1) The club was immortalized in that "classic" Motley Crue song Girls, Girls, Girls and 2) Megan Fox fell in love with a stripper here, as reported by every major media outlet last year, including Scanner.

What the...? Dirty old gnome, get your own partially-nude woman...

Via SFGate (right-click to open in new tab/window.)

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Sloppy Seconds: Another Woman We've Never Heard of is FHM's Sexiest Woman in the World

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 22:32:00 GMT

Waterboarding: Bad. Waterboarding Sean Hannity? Eh. For charity? Ahhh, maybe?No. No. Waterboarding is bad. [Huffington Post]

Vice, most recent employer of the Hipster Grifter, has launched a new series on the Vice Broadcasting System called "Beyond the Pages of Vice." It's basically filming them working on their articles, and the first is a look at the, uh, dangers of mixing aerosol hairspray and fire. No word yet on whether or not the Hipster Grifter or her boobs will make an appearance in future episodes. [VBS]

We were just thinking about switching to a bra without underwires, because, well, we don't have much to hold up. But not now. A Detroit woman's underwire actually deflected a bullet! [2News]

Miley Cyrus may be a bratty little Southerner who loves little baby Jesus, but she also loves the gays (her new fanbase?). [AfterEllen]

Last year, when FHM named Megan Fox "Sexiest Woman in the World," we were all "WTF?", the 'W' standing for "who," of course. We're singing the same song for this year's winner Cheryl Cole. May she find the same, uh, fame as Fox in the coming year. [FHM]

Rhythm Gymnast Swizzles Her Ribbon All Over FHM Magazine

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Megan Fox's Lesbian (Stripper) Love

Sloppy Seconds: Angelina Jolie Pregnant Again

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 22:00:00 GMT

Any interest in auditioning for Puppetry of the Penis? We know a few Scanner bloggers who would attend your opening night performance...

In a stunning upset, Rascal Flatts topped Miley Cyrus on this week's Billboard album charts.

Why was a 25-year-old woman having sex with an 83-year-old man in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart? Nevermind, we'd rather not find out.

Believe it or not, there is a code of conduct for the crazy Mexican drug lords doing all that shooting.

Larry David on Woody Allen, and Woody Allen on Larry David makes for interesting reading for film buffs.

We hope Megan Fox wakes up one day soon and realizes this Brian Austin Greene character is about as cool as New Kids on the Block.

That Bruce Springsteen affair story just won't die.

Barack Obama got naked in Boston-- in a way.

And baby makes seven... not counting its parents, of course: Angelina Jolie is apparently ten weeks pregnant, according to unconfirmed reports.

Aging Gracefully Like Sophia Loren

PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Missouri Legislators Try to Create the Crime of "Coercing an Abortion"

Seattle About To Enjoy Wave of Segway Strippers

PapSmeared: Megan Fox Wears Short Shorts

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:21:00 GMT

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While You Were Sleeping: Jennifer Aniston Finally Speaks Out About Brad Pitt

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 13:12:00 GMT

A rabbi says he was able to conquer his fear of Nazis... by playing Call of Duty.

First, it was Bob Dole with the Tarantino movies. Now, it's Gary Sinise and Redacted. Why is it the conservatives always attack movies they haven't even seen?

Chris Brown and Rihanna are... writing a book? And it's about domestic abuse?!

Let The Right One In and Milk were released on DVD yesterday. Both are highly recommended.

Jennifer Aniston said she will "always love Brad Pitt" and hopes that they'll be friends again someday.

Oh no... Jamie Lynn Spears is planning to enter a recording studio to make a country album.

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are working it out. Sorry, dudes.

There are over 2,000 registered sex offenders on MySpace... 2,000 registered sex offenders just from North Carolina. In other news, people are still "on" MySpace.

And is Jim Cramer the meanest, loudest, most awful crybaby? Well, no, that's Bill O'Reilly, but Cramer does come pretty close at times.

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What Do Tina Fey and Megan Fox Have In Common?

Ina Maier — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 23:05:00 GMT

We never thought it would happen, but it's true. These two leading ladies have a very big something in common...

The answer? Men!

Turns out both Megan Fox and Tina Fey top the list of celebrity women most men would want to party with. According to an Asylum.com poll, Megan Fox eked out a lead with 40% of the vote, followed closely by Tina with 31%. The rest of the list, including Lindsay Lohan, Penelope Cruz, Kim Kardashian, and Paris Hilton, found themselves in the distant and dismal single digits.

We're pretty sure this just taught us more about men than 4 drunk years of college psych. And, well, college.

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While You Were Sleeping: More Grey's Anatomy Turmoil

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Audrina Partridge had her home broken into by two very bizarre young citizens. In surveillance footage, they can be seen wandering aimlessly from room to room... and back again... and again... without doing much of anything, let alone steal anything or set fire to the place.

Arrested Development: the Movie was finally greenlit, thanks to lazy-assed Michael Cera coming aboard.

This oh-so-adorable young lady was arrested for assaulting her boyfriend's nutsack. Prior to this incident, they had broken up "approximately 20 times," yet she seemed rather surprised to find that the dude had another ladyfriend over for the night.

We were all excited to hear Andy Richter would be rejoining Conan on TV, but it turns out he's just going to be the announcer. Guess Conan's enjoying his solo career.

Can a resident of the UK explain to us why so many Brits use "miles an hour" in their speech? Does it have something to do with the universal use of nautical miles? (Oh, and check out the video we just linked to. The 71-year-old dude quoted in it is our new personal hero.)

The Beatles recorded a version of "Revolution" that was only recently discovered and you really must hear it.

Is McDreamy really leaving the hospital on Grey's Anatomy?

And Maxim men of the world, rejoice: Megan Fox is single again. But before you get any ideas... guess which first name she has tattooed near her crotch? She wouldn't even have to deal with that pesky removal process if she just returned our calls...

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 14:08:00 GMT

A teenage girl sent 14,528 text messages in one month-- proving that actual, human conversations, even ones over the telephone, are dead. (And yes, her family had her on an unlimited SMS plan.)

We're pretty sure George W. Bush's final news conference will go down in history as his most memorable. Check out the full text here.

Can someone explain to us why Megan Fox thinks she looks like this guy?

And you thought Mail Googles were useless? Turns out they're helping people who e-mail in their sleep.

Would you support a ban on cell phones while driving?

Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez? Well, they've already dated everyone else.

Congress will be televised on YouTube. We're starting to think YouTube has gotten too popular for its own good-- like MySpace, when your grandmother joined up.

And Bruce Springsteen, Shakira, Usher, Sheryl Crow, Beyonce Knowles, and Stevie Wonder are among the highlights of the Obama inaugural shows.

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Sloppy Seconds: Samantha Ronson Checks In, Then Out

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 22:08:00 GMT

A man buried with his cellphone is still getting calls from his wife. For God's sake, leave the man be!

Cuba's youngest politician is a cutie-- not to diminish her intellect... or to mention her ability to throw us in prison and misplace the key.

Want to party with Michael Bay for $250? No? What about if we told you Megan Fox was going to be there?

Slashfilm has the details on Bay's party, meant to help the United Way: it will be held at on Saturday, December 27th at Bay’s Miami Beach home. Tickets are $250 per person, but for $500, VIPs can join Bay on a private rooftop lounge alongside Megan Fox, the clone of Scarlett Johansson, and probably a Dodge Viper, just because. Following the reception, "all guests will be invited to an after-party" so that Bay can get his swerve on at home without Miami blue-hairs swanning around.

Sam Ronson was hospitalized for depression and exhaustion (we believe this one since how else do you think life with Lindsay Lohan would go?)

What, doesn't your Mom have iTunes? 85% of tracks released in 2008 were never downloaded.

In 1939, you could feed nine kids for a single English pound per day, if you were as frugal as this woman.

Have you guys heard about the idiotic New York City Councilman, soon to be moving on to the state level, who slashed his girlfriend's face with broken glass? Now he's claiming that he tripped while bringing her a glass of water. Is that the modern day equivalent of "she fell down the stairs?" What's next-- "I thought it was a Wii Gun?"

And Barack Obama was rocking the toplessness today in Hawaii.

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Emily Farris — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 21:29:00 GMT

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Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:27:00 GMT

Scarlett Johansson doesn't mind that "I Kissed A Girl" is a bland Jill Sobule ripoff. Hell, she's flattered to be the inspiration for the song.

Joe Biden's son Beau is on his way to Iraq... and possibly the Senate in 2010.

Twilight is getting some disappointing reviews ahead of its Friday release.

The funny, lively banter -- the way in which Edward and Bella teased and toyed with one another about their respective immortality and humanity -- is pretty much completely gone, and all that's left is a slog of adolescent angst." [AP via EW]

Megan Fox and Brian Austin Green are planning a low-key wedding, probably for fear that Maxim readers don't find out where it is and try to sabotage it.

A guy who wrote two Marx Brothers movies and parts of The Wizard of Oz has died.

And the world's dumbest rapper has received 20 years in prison after bragging about a shooting in his own rap song.

Winona Ryder took too many Xanax to combat her fear of flying and ended up in the hospital. Rumor has it she repeatedly collapsed in first class before the plane landed...

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Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Megan Fox, who will not be playing Wonder Woman, despite previous reports, and was the only woman shortlisted for GQ's Man of the Year is still the #1 woman on the internet. (Well, except for Keeley Hazel. And Sarah Palin. And... and... never mind.)

But no one drives up traffic like Megan Fox-- or, more importantly-- Megan Fox in a bikini...

According to One India:

American actress Megan Fox has been listed as the hottest babe on the planet in Chickipedia's latest 100 hottest women list yet again. Chickipedia, which is the world's largest web-based, wiki-based database of hot women on the planet, released the Top 100 most-searched for women in the month of October, the Daily Telegraph reported.

This is the second year that Fox has topped the list, with the second place going to Hugh Hefner''s No 1 ex-girlfriend Holly Madison. The most-searched for female survey saw Keeley Hazell in third position, while new Aussie girls ‘The Veronicas’ were at number six. The new list also saw Madonna and Victoria Beckham being dropped and replaced by US Republican IT girl Sarah Palin and her alter ego, Tina Fey.

Good riddance to Madonna and Victoria-- but Holly Madison? Bland as New York is fucking freezing today.

In celebration of Fox's latest victory, GQ has unleashed more of the photos that made her a huge star and, for no reason whatsoever, we're passing them along to you:

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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

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While You Were Sleeping: Colbert '08 Is On Again

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Bruce Springsteen is playing the Super Bowl, a free show for Obama in Philly on Saturday, and a show with Billy Joel in New York next month.

Paris Hilton's new song "My BFF" has been called a "musical abortion."

A teenager was named prom king, coaches ice hockey, gets good grades, and works a steady job. The news here? He has down syndrome.

Megan Fox is... a man with a vagina. We're not against that.

Megan Fox reckons she will be the perfect wife because she is just like a man – except she has a vagina. [Entertainment Wise]

Stephen Colbert is running for the White House again... this time in comic book form.

As a joke, Colbert had tried but failed to get on both the Democratic and Republican presidential primary ballots in his home state of South Carolina. The consolation prize is a fictional appearance as a major candidate on a make-believe ticket in Spider-Man's world.

The Game isn't going to jail.

The case against OJ Simpson is going to the jury. Wonder if they'll get it right this time...

And Bill Clinton is finally helping out with the Obama campaign. And this time, his "helping" is actually legitimately helping.

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Who Would You Rather: Megan Fox vs. Gemma Arterton?

Emily Farris — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 16:12:00 GMT

Yes, yes. You'd probably like them both—at the same time, we're sure. But if you had to choose just one (say, someone was holding a gun to your head), would you choose the one that FHM thinks is the hottest woman in the world (Fox) or the one that the men of Scanner think is the hottest woman in the world (Arterton)?

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Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:53:00 GMT

The investigation into who hacked Sarah Palin's e-mail is focusing around the 20-year-old son of a Memphis Democratic State Representative.

Joe Biden is a friend of the gays.

What's the verdict on Kate Holmes on Broadway?

If Holmes felt nervous and jittery, she didn't show it. She delivered her lines with confidence and projected her girlish voice so it could be heard loud and clear. She danced around on stage with gusto. She looked lovely in two dresses that highlighted her trim yet shapely figure. She wore a brown shoulder-length hairpiece to hide her trendy pixie cut.

After the show, Cruise told a reporter Holmes was "extraordinary."

David Blaine is set to hang upside down for 60 hours in Central Park, starting on Monday.

Kathy Griffin may follow Project Runway and flee Bravo for another network.

Megan Fox thinks Zac and Vanessa's nude snaps are no biggie.

And Will Ferrell answers your questions on Funny or Die:

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Megan Fox's Lesbian (Stripper) Love

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 16:51:00 GMT

Before she was "that hot girl from Transformers" or FHM's Sexiest Woman in the World, Megan Fox was just a girl in love with a girl—a Russian stripper named Nikita, to be more specific.

The 22-year-old actress who's now engaged to 90210 alum Brian Austin Green told GQ that when she was 18, she was in love with a woman named Nikita, who worked at her local Body Shop... and her local strip club.

"Well, that year my boyfriend broke up with me, and I decided — oh man, sorry, mommy! — that I was in love with this girl that worked at the Body Shop. I decided that I was going to get her to love me back, and I went out of my way to create a relationship with this girl, a stripper named Nikita... [She would do] these beautiful slow dances to Aerosmith ballads."

Fox's publicist confirmed the GQ story with Yahoo! and while Fox doesn't identify herself as gay she — like most of us — has to admit there are some fucking beautiful women in the world.

"Look, I'm not a lesbian," said Fox. "I just think that all humans are born with the ability to be attracted to both sexes. I mean, I could see myself in a relationship with a girl — Olivia Wilde is so sexy she makes me want to strangle a mountain ox with my bare hands. She's mesmerizing. And lately I've been obsessed with Jenna Jameson, but ... oh boy."

[Yahoo: Megan Fox opens up about old flame: 'Nikita']

[GQ: Megan Fox Was a Teenage Lesbian!]

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We Feel a Little Better About the Three Fried Dough Balls We Ate at Dinner

Emily Farris — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:37:00 GMT

Would you believe that we gained ten pounds at camp last year? It seems impossible with all that hiking and swimming and running after children. But those three dough balls we had tonight with our beef and beans and sweet potatoes is the biggest meal we've eaten since we left camp last year. And then there was pudding.

Maybe the world's sexiest woman (according to FHM, not us) should join us at camp and eat three fried dough balls with every meal now, too, as she's been ordered to pack on the pounds for an upcoming role.

Michael Bay, the director of the Transformers sequel, has told Megan Fox she needs to gain ten pounds for the role because she's too skinny.

"I'd lost a lot of weight and I got really scrawny, but I was told I had to put on a size for Transformers because Michael doesn't like skinny girls," Fox told Fox News. "I eat red velvet cake before I go to bed every night. If you eat meals later, you'll put on weight faster, so I had dinner at 10pm".

Seriously, girl. Fried. Dough. Balls. Summer. Camp. Easiest ten pounds you will ever gain, sadly.

[MTV UK: Megan Fox Ordered to Get Fat]

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Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

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Another Woman We've Never Heard of Is Maxim's Hottest Woman in The World

Emily Farris — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:53:00 GMT

A few weeks back, Scanner Brian was perplexed by the fact that FHM had named a woman we'd never heard of as its sexiest woman in the world. This month, Maxim pulls the same trick (even though we have heard of her, but only from one of our own).

And the winner is...

Marisa Miller.

Should we know who she is? Probably. Do we? Only because of Scanner Bryan. Is she the hottest woman in the world? She's definitely hot, but enh.

Scanner Bryan, you're welcome to disagree. So are the folks at Maxim who say she "embodies the official return of the all-American supermodel... Not since Cindy Crawford ruled the catwalk has a pinup born and bred on U.S. soil so thoroughly captured the imagination of the American male."

Also on the list: Scarlett Johansson (No. 2), Jessica Biel (No. 3). And in the top 10: Sarah Michelle Gellar, Elisha Cuthbert, Eva Mendes, Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan (who topped last year's list) and Ashley Tisdale.

How much do you think these women's publicists pay to get them on the list?

No, you know what? Fuck this list. We're taking nominations for Scanner's Hottest Women in the World in the comments section.

[People: Scarlett Johansson, Jessica Biel Make Maxim's Hot List]

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Who The Hell? FHM's Sexiest Woman in The World

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 16:00:00 GMT

Maybe we are falling behind, but we had only barely heard of FHM's #1 Sexiest Woman In The World before today's announcement. Does that make us bad bloggers... or heroic ones, since we did not have to subject you to our musings on her until now?

And the winner is...

Megan Fox!

Megan who? Apparently, she was in Transformers, which we still cannot believe was actually a theatrical motion picture and, even funnier, that thinking people actually paid up to $11 to see. We wouldn't be surprised if the new Indiana Jones movie bombs because it's too intelligent and doesn't have enough robotic explosions for people to shit their pants over.

But that's beside the point.

The point is: who the Christ is Megan Fox? We understand almost all the other entries on the list (#4 Elisha Cuthbert, #11 Hayden Panettiere, #20 Beyonce, etc.), although we're not sure why other guys continue to drool over boring chicks like Jessica Alba [#3} and Jessica Biel [#2], or anyone named Jessica, for that matter, without the last name of Lange. However, we would put in the earplugs and do Simpson in a heartbeat.)

Anyway, check out FHM's list, if the damn page ever loads...

Top Photo: FHM; Bottom Photo: GQ