Scanner : madonna

While You Were Sleeping: Facebook vs. Lesbians

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 14:06:00 GMT

Don't forget to right-click the links to open them in a new window...

The latest victim of Fox is Pedro Almodovar?

It's almost impossible to get a perfect score on the SAT-- how impossible would it be to get perfect scores on the PSAT, ACT, and SATs?

We wonder why this worm sign fail isn't as common in Louisiana. And, by the way, we had a great first weekend of Jazz Fest.

David Letterman wants to see Lauren Conrad's rumored/long-awaited sex tape.

That meanie Miss California is now a folk hero among ignorant religious bigots.

The latest worldwide fad: that fun-lovin' swine flu thing.

90% of teenagers have cell phones these days, effectively making the previous generation the last one to prefer the physical presence of their friends.

Madonna is the hardest workin' mama in the biz.

Does Facebook have something against lesbians?

The TV couple you hate the most were legally married on Saturday in Pasadena.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 14:04:00 GMT

Christopher Hitchens recalls the night no one wanted him to get loaded, so he went to Hunter Thompson's house to get bombed and fire off some guns. Someone explain to me why life is worth living without that man in this world.

Tomorrow's South Park is about pirates.

An Australian town chorus posed nude for charity.

The Food Network Magazine benefits in this economy-- maybe because no one can afford food, so they decide to read about? Not sure on this one.

Madonna may have lied about paparazzi causing her fall from a horse. Ya think?

This guy is right about his water bill-- there's no way he used 300,000 gallons in one month... and he's also right that no one, not even a well-meaning anonymous donor should have to pay the price for the water company's clerical error.

Rumors are brewing that Lindsay Lohan is considering joining a topless revue. Man, the internet will believe anything Perez Hilton tells them, huh?

And Stephen Hawking is apparently in serious condition in an English hospital.

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

While You Were Sleeping: Slumdog Millionaire Horrors Continue

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 13:59:00 GMT

A great national tragedy in New Zealand as a sex shop endures a trial by fire.

JG Ballard, author of Crash (the David Cronenberg movie) and Empire of the Sun, died after a long battle with cancer.

This 100-year-old Italian woman, a Nobel-prize winner in medicine, is still working.

Here's one you'll love: a $3.3 million lottery winner has opened a dude nude ranch.

The little girl from Slumdog Millionaire is in danger of being sold off by her father for 200,000 English pounds.

The tombs of both Cleopatra and Marc Antony may have been discovered.

Everything is the fault of the paps, even Madonna's equestrian injury over the weekend.

Everything Obama touches turns into an Amazon.com bestseller.

Somehow we don't believe Leonardo DiCaprio would have anything to do with Lindsay Lohan, but stranger things happen every day.

Top 5 Frantic Sex Scenes

Moran Stirring Up Controversy By Suggesting We Need To Get Rid Of Obama

While You Were Sleeping: Drunk Breastfeeding

Skinny Blonde Beer As Misogynist As It Is Gimmicky

NOT PapSmeared: Madonna With Child

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Apr 2009 15:04:00 GMT

Madonna will tell you what pictures to use and you will use them, you hear?

The superstar recently had her picture taken with this young Malawian child, Mercy James. Then she had the image airbrushed. Then she had it turned to sepia tones. Then she sent it to the entire world. And THAT is how you don't get PapSmeared.

Sloppy Seconds: Scarlett Johansson on Plastic Surgery

Emily Farris — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 23:01:00 GMT

The Obamas finally got a puppy. It wasn't a shelter dog (grr) but it sure is cute. [Yahoo!]

Madonna is still trying to adopt a child from Malwai. [Us]

It's posssssible that a hacker was responsible for the #amazonfail. [Vulture]

Fergie would like a baby in her. Right now. [FameCrawler]

Butt implants can be a real pain in the ass if you're having butt sex. Apparently. [ClayCane]

Scarlett Johansson (well, probably her assistant) is as annoyed with the media's obsession with weight and plastic surgery as we are. [The Huffington Post]

Speaking of if you're Keeping up with the Kardashians, you probably know that one of them is having plastic surgery. [The Remote Island]

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse is "Back in the Saddle"

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 22:34:00 GMT

That girl from Twilight will play Joan Jett in a still unnamed film about The Runaways. [AfterEllen]

The saddest thing we've seen all day: 11 extinct animals that have been photographed alive. [EcoWorldly]

The most depressing thing we've seen all day: the unfolding story of the hostage situation in Binghamton, NY. [CNN]

We (read: Scanner Emily) still need your 10 stars. Real bad. Because we need $200. Real bad. Pretty please? [MissedTees]

We (read: Scanner Collen) still need you to vote for our dream photography assignment. Because we also need $50,000. Real bad. Pretty please? [Name Your Dream Assignment]

Now all three of your Scanners are on Twitter, even though only one of us stays true to the Scanner name. [Scanner Emily, Scanner Colleen, Scanner Brian]

Remember yesterday when Madonna threw a party to celebrate an adoption that hadn't yet been approved? Um, yeah. Maybe not the best idea she ever had. [Us]

Apparently there was a fractured penis scene in last night's ER finale. Was it a swipe at Grey's Anatomy? [The Remote Island]

On April 11 Alternative Nation Countdown Takeover, a show on Sirius radio, will premiere new solo material from Rivers Cuomo that features Jason Schwartzman Rainn Wilson. Weird. Cool. [Rolling Stone]

According to a post on her MySpace blog this morning (obviously not written by her) Amy Winehouse is hard at work on her third album. We'll believe it when we hear it. Either way, we thought you'd enjoy seeing this picture again. [MySpace]

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

"My dog humped your leg. I wanted to."

Support a Scanner or Two

[Image, Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Michelle Obama Does the Unthinkable

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 22:41:00 GMT

MSNBC has finally discovered fuck buddies. And that college students have them. [MSNBC]

Will items off of the Chipotle value menu have fewer calories? We sure hope so. [Yahoo!]

We always wonder why people who spend lots of money to have signs, boxes, etc. printed don't get copy editors. An Oregon company probably could have used one before printing a phone sex number on their cereal box. [Google/AP]

Starting next month, same-sex couples can be legally married in Sweden. [BBC]

More "celebrities" blogging about their relationship woes. Meh. [People]

Madonna is already celebrating the adoption of a child she has not yet officially adopted. [Us]

A man in China swallowed a pair of scissors. And survived! [Telegraph]

For the first time in 57 years, the Queen of England publicly hugged someone (sort-of). And that someone was Michelle Obama. And then Obama hugged the Queen back (sort-of)! Apparently, this is a big deal. [DailyMail]

Related:

Yes, Scanner Emily. Chipotle will make you fat.

Crush of the Week: Kate Middleton, Rollerskating Queen

Sloppy Seconds: Portia de Rossi Apologizes for Getting Gay Married

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 23:01:00 GMT

A court in Los Angeles has issued a restraining order against a man who is apparently obsessed with "Dancing With the Stars" contestant and former Olympic gymnast Shawn Johnson after he tried to break into the set of the show. [NYT]

Newly-single Madonna plans to adopt another Malawian child. [Us]

Nicole Kidman has joined the cast of the new Woody Allen film. [Yahoo!]

Yet another magazine has folded. This time it's the music mag Blender. [AdAge]

Portia de Rossi has publicly apologized for her gay marriage. On the Jimmy Kimmel show, of course. [The Remote Island]

[Image]

The Lips Do Madonna

Colleen Kane — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 14:54:00 GMT

My first reaction to this cover of "Borderline" by the Flaming Lips (with rocking cutes Stardeath and White Dwarfs) was to quote Beavis: "These guys aren't trying very hard." But that reaction was wrong. The song just starts out slow, then builds into a gloriously addictive version I'd much rather listen to than Madonna's, over and over again, and have.

Amazon hasn't allowed embedding on this exclusive video from the new compilation Covered, a Revolution in Sound: Warner Brothers Records, and it's not on the YouTubes yet, so you'll have to click over there to watch it.

* This cover is not to be compared to this shameful version by Duffy, who is apparently too young to know the lyrics(?). (That is a thing now? Kids today don't know Madonna lyrics? Feh.)

Related:

Fox News Thinks Madonna Broke A-Rod's Rod

A-Rod Brainwashed By Hot Madonna or Religious Madonna?

Madonna Does Marilyn Monroe Then Lindsay Lohan Does Marilyn Monroe Then Lindsay Lohan Does Madonna

While You Were Sleeping: Blake Fielder-Civil's 16-Year-Old Girlfriend?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Thrilla in vanilla: Michael Jackson's press conference announcing some London shows he'll soon cancel was not exactly a thriller. See the video Scanner Emily shared yesterday.

Dr. Sanjay Gupta has decided to turn down a job in the Obama Administration.

Hero of the day: the nurse who bought a disabled boy a fake vagina so he could get himself off.

Yeah, fuck the paps. Michelle Rodriquez rules.

A foot fetish story has NPR in hot water with the usual dumbass listeners who all apparently have broken radio dials.

Did you hear that a car crashed through The Mac Store in Eugene, Oregon on Tuesday? Scary footage here, story at this link.

One of those female Chinese medal winners turns to be a man.

Seinfeld cast members will take over Curb Your Enthusiasm in the upcoming season.

Madonna was named PETA's most hated.

Amy Winehouse's husband is rumored to be involved with a sixteen-year-old girl. We said "rumored" so don't sue is if they're just friends...

Michael Jackson's Statues Are Not Helping His Public Image

Amy Winehouse, Topless Again, Stars in Her Most Bizarre Adventure Yet

Sloppy Seconds: Amy Winehouse's New Single Life

Madonna Does Marilyn Monroe Then Lindsay Lohan Does Marilyn Monroe Then Lindsay Lohan Does Madonna

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:07:00 GMT

As part of its American Icons special issue, Glamour has dressed Lindsay Lohan up as Madonna, of course, like a virgin.

Related:

Hot or Not: Michael Musto's Lindsay Lohan's Marilyn Monroe

Michael Lohan: The Only Person on Earth Who Won't See Lindsay Lohan's Breasts

We're Done Thinking of Lindsay Lohan as Marilyn Monroe: UPDATED

Madonna's Very Hairy Bush Expected to Go for $15K at Christie's

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

Related:

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Top 10 Hottest Women Size 10 and Up

The Top 5 Hottest Female Politicians

Sloppy Seconds: Crazy Baby Lady Has One Less Mouth to Feed

Emily Farris — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 00:17:00 GMT

Now we officially want to punch the economy in the vagina (sorry, the vulva). Beloved Chicago label Touch and Go Records is shutting down distribution. [Pitchfork]

Even Madonna is co-opting vampire culture. Apparently she wants a role in New Moon, the sequel to Twilight. [AfterEllen]

Taylor Swift would like you to not picture her naked. And we would like you to not think about a neon-green dildo. [Us]

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen are engaged. We were unaware they were dating. [People]

All you men who don't understand why average women are so insecure about our looks: even Dita Von Teese has self-esteem issues. Thank you, society. (It should be noted that moments before we saw this item we were thinking about how terribly beady our eyes looked without eye make-up). [FadedYouth]

Roman Polanski is not off the hook yet. A judge in Los Angeles refused to dismiss the 31-year-old sex case against the director because he's a fugitive. This, Mr. Polanski, is what you get for running away from your problems. But, the judge said he might reconsider if Runaway Roman returns to the US. We suspect this might be a trick. [Yahoo!]

The Crazy Baby Lady, otherwise known as Nadya Suleman, has lost her publicist. The Killeen Furtney Group was representing Suleman for free, but decided to quit after receiving death threats via email and voicemail. [Snafu-ed]

Related:

Wannabe Vampires Are Totally Pissing Off Real Vampires

From the Archives: 10 Reasons the Recession Will Rock Your Love Life

Crazy Baby Lady Skips Welfare, Goes Straight to TV

While You Were Sleeping: The 10 Biggest Music Moneymakers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

Twitter doomed the Republican takeover of Virginia. That's not an exaggeration.

Tom Cruise + Denzel Washington divided by David Cronenberg = The Matarese Circle.

We're not sure who Olivia Munn is, but we'll remember that name now...

A couple of pranksters hacked a Taco Bell drive through speaker and, of course, used it to shout a bunch of random obscenities.

This doesn't sound hot: Anne Hathaway in drag.

There are some surprise entrants in this year's list of the top 10 moneymakers in the music business. Madonna is #1, says Billboard (via Yahoo),

followed... by Bon Jovi with $157.2 million, Bruce Springsteen ($156.3 million), the Police ($110 million), Celine Dion ($99.2 million), Kenny Chesney ($90.8 million), Neil Diamond ($82.2 million), Rascall Flatts ($63.5 million), Jonas Brothers ($62.6 million) and Coldplay ($62.2 million).

The fact that Bon Jovi made more money than Bruce Springsteen says a lot about how bad this country's musical taste runs.

In other Madonna news, that ancient nude photo of her sold for 37 g's.

No Foreplay For You

More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Top 10 Cover Songs of All-Time

Dita's New Nude Revue

More of Those Gloriously Painful Celebrity High School Yearbook Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 20:17:00 GMT

It's true: like a good wine, we're better as we get older.

These ancient yearbook photos of national politicians and movie stars will reassure you that your looks improve with age, and not the reverse. In a society that's becoming increasingly focused on and obsessed with cultural figures that are seemingly younger every year (look at the top names in the music business right now-- Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, and Taylor Swift), it's practically life-affirming to see, for example, how ridiculous Cameron Diaz looked in high school...

At the top: Paula Abdul. Date unknown, but obviously-- wow-- pre-nose job.

Yes, the above two are Sarah Palin. We swear.

Does the superlative for Most Likely To Become Famous go to Madonna or what?

Via ten different websites.

Related:

Celebrities Make Us Feel Better About Our High School Obsession

While You Were Sleeping: The Fox News Child Porn Bust

Why The New York Times Thinks It's Impossible To Live On $500K

Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

Sloppy Seconds: What Do David Lynch and The Dalai Lama Have in Common?

Emily Farris — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 23:33:00 GMT

Porn: it's where your tax dollars are going. [KMBC-TV]

A Rod—or that dude Madonna was fucking, depending on what kind-of news you follow—has admitted to using performance enhancing drugs. You know, for baseball. [Jossip]

It has been confirmed that Rihanna was the woman Chris Brown assaulted on Saturday, resulting in both of their absences at yesterday's Grammy Awards show. [FadedYouth]

How many times does Jodie Sweetin have to tell you she's no longer a Meth addict? [People]

A 16-year-old prisoner was found in the back of a judge's car. Unfortunately, it's not as exciting as it sounds. [The Macomb Daily]

Dude! The Dalai Lama is Twittering! [Yahoo!]

So is David Lynch! [Twitter]

Madonna's Very Hairy Bush Expected to Go for $15K at Christie's

Emily Farris — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:34:00 GMT

George isn't the only Bush on the way out this year. A 30-year-old image of Madonna and her very hairy bush taken by Lee Friedlander is expected to go for $10,000–$15,000 at Christie's auction house on February 12.

Being natural blondes born in the Eighties and all, we've never seen anything like this. We find it pretty spectacular. See the photo in all its black-and-white (and, um, red) glory after the jump.

Would you pay $15,000 for this image that supposedly earned Madonna a whopping $25 in 1979? Perhaps seeing it without our mandatory editing at Christie's (yeah, they can show bush and we can't) will help you decide.

Related:

Why Will This Baby Picture Go for $8-12K at Christie's?

Gisele Bundchen Worth More Than Carla Bruni Naked. Why?

If We Had Millions of Dollars, We Would Have the Best Nudie Collection in the World

While You Were Sleeping: Is Rob Lowe A Dirty, Old Flasher?

Madonna Has Sex With Herself To Benefit Louis Vuitton

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 14:39:00 GMT

Before you knock Madonna and call her irrelevant, you should know that she was the #1 live performer of 2008. (Of course, the Rolling Stones and the Grateful Dead were not on tour and Springsteen did a smaller tour this year. Oh, and the $200 tickets couldn't have hurt her numbers.)

So, not only are these entirely newsworthy-- and, hey, because her crotch is inarguably the focal point here, these photos qualify as "sex news," as well...

Via Jossip.

Related:

Sasha Grey Completely Naked in New American Apparel Ad

Madonna's New Brazilian Boy is in Porn

Hey Vacuuming Madonna, We Don't Get This Video, But We Still Kind of Like It

Sloppy Seconds: Keep Yer Areolae Off My Facebook, Mmmkay?

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 23:51:00 GMT

While trying to find out if the double homicide I think I heard happen early yesterday morning really happened, I found out that Al Capone's home is for sale in Chicago for a mere $450,000. Still no word on the homicide. [Crime Scene KC]

Suri Cruise may very well be the cutest baby I've seen, like, ever, but I cannot get behind Tom and Katie going for nine more. I imagine Katie's vagina agrees. [Us]

I'd like to think I'm not the only woman out there who would bed Woody Harrelson. In fact, I know I'm not. He just got married. [People]

Madonna donated $2.6 million dollars to the Kabbalah Center in Los Angeles. She should have also paid a photographer not to take this close-up of her (not that I wouldn't mind looking like that at her age). [FadedYouth]

The folks at Facebook are apparently not fans of The Teet. Last year, the site's administrators took down photos of breastfeeding mothers because they featured "exposed breasts" which apparently violated the Terms of Use. A spokesman for Facebook says that only pictures where a nipple is fully exposed are problems, but some hip Facebook moms staged not only a virtual protest, they got out from behind their computers and suckling babes and demonstrated outside of Facebook's offices in California. [Jezebel]

Related:

TTYL, or, Kansas City Here I Come

What Your Areolas Say About You

"Could you make sure that her areolas aren't showing?"

Racist or Not? Totally Racist Dress Code

[Image]

Madonna's New Brazilian Boy is in Porn

Colleen Kane — Mon, 29 Dec 2008 17:29:00 GMT

New divorcee Madonna wasted no time getting romantically linked this month to model Jesus Luz, who she met on a photo shoot for W magazine while on tour in Brazil, land of rampant hotness and beauty (never been, but that's how it appears from afar). The latest is that 20-year-old Luz appeared in a skin flick just before meeting Madge. The title of this post calls it porn for simplicity's sake, as do the gossip sites and British trash rags, but the film's description sounds like it might be akin to Skinemax fare.

Luz' character in this made-for-cable movie is a drunken boyfriend who passes out at a party, whereupon his girlfriend sluts it up with others in the house. So it's either softcore, or they show hardcore pornography on Brazilian cable. It also speaks well of the beauty in Brazil that someone as gorgeous as Luz just plays some cuckold who passes out at a party.

Wait a minute. Could the rumors really true that in addition to Madonna choosing a younger Latino man for a fling, that man is also both sexy and sexual? Impossible.

A-Rod Brainwashed By Hot Madonna or Religious Madonna?

Does Madonna Have A Sex Tape And Do We Want To See It?

Image: hollywoodgrind.com

Sloppy Seconds: Will the Real ScarJo Please Stand Up?

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 02:44:00 GMT

Contrary to earlier reports, some speculate that Guy Ritchie will not let Madonna walk away from their marriage with her entire fortune intact. Apparently, Madge has settled with Ritchie for "at least 50 million pounds." [PerezHilton]

A blogger accused of leaking Guns 'n Roses' "Chinese Democracy" has plead guilty. He will now be forced to drink lots and lots of Dr. Pepper while listening to "November Rain" on repeat. (Not really.) [Yahoo!]

Can we just name this damn recession already? [NYT]

We weren't even aware that people still watched Survivor, or really that it was even still on the air, but if you are one of the few who cares here's a spoiler. [People]

Gentlemen beware, apparently there's a fake Scarlett Johansson wandering the streets... and she's giving interviews to magazines. [MSNBC]

Caption This: Madonna Finally Learned How to Play the Guitar

Emily Farris — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 23:09:00 GMT

[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: Even Winning 'American Idol' Won't Help You in this Economy

Emily Farris — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 00:02:00 GMT

Say goodbye to our old friends at MollyGood and please cross your fingers and hope that your favorite Scanner bloggers still have jobs come next Monday. [MollyGood]

Lynne Spears admits she was a bit of an enabler when raising Britney. [Jossip]

Madonna is suing the Mail for publishing pictures of her wedding to soon-to-be-former husband Guy Ritchie. You know, so she can have even more money to flaunt in front of him when they split. [BBC]

Our neighborhood (read: Scanner Emily's neighborhood) is totally contaminated. Yum. [NYT]

Fist Ed McMahon had his house foreclosed on, now it's American Idol winner Fantasia Barrino. Is Tyra Banks next? [Us]

Yet again, we are forced to tell you that Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have not broken up. [People]

Our blog reader is down. That is all we have for you today folks.

Sloppy Seconds: Because We'd Like to Keep Our Jobs

Emily Farris — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 23:17:00 GMT

Attention sex fiends, er Scanner Readers, Californication has been picked up for a third season. [Vulture]

Which is worse? That 40% of women can't have orgasms, or that only 12% of women think that's a problem? Maybe we're just not satisfied? [Jezebel]

Madonna and A-Rod are still claiming to be "just friends." Mmmhmmm. [People]

Which well-built actor has been bought a bra for Christmas by a disgruntled ex as a dig about his moobs? [Mirror]

O.J. Simpson is finally headed to jail. And he's sorry. [Faded Youth]

Holy shit. 533,000 people in the U.S. lost their jobs in November. [NYT ]

Image via NYT.com

Sloppy Seconds: Obama's Brother From Another Mother

Emily Farris — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 23:31:00 GMT

Is Argentina crying for Madonna after she had to postpone a show there? Enh, probably not. [Yahoo!]

We're not the only ones with "sloppy seconds." [MollyGood]

Actor Mark Ruffalo's brother is "clinging to life" after he was shot in the head. [Us]

Duuuuuuuuude. A 2,700-year-old weed stash was uncovered in the Gobi Desert. Wonder if it's still good? [MSNBC]

Amy Winehouse's possibly soon-to-be ex husband Blake Feilder Civil is yet again Blake Incarcerated. [People]

Nintendo has come a long way, from boring old Mario and Luigi to video games with racial slurs. [MTV]

This is Barack Obama's half brother, we think:

[Via Daily Intel]

[Image]

Caption This: Christina Aguilera Would Like Some A-Rod, Too

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:35:00 GMT

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: What Men Think Women Think Men Want

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Shots were fired at the motorcades of the Presidents of Georgia and Poland, although no one was hit.

A drag queen hosted a Miss Texas pageant, to the obvious horror of parents.

A boy in Florida was arrested for something heinous. No, we mean the reason he was arrested was heinous. Oh, never mind, you'll see:

Maybe the 13-year-old student at Martin County's Spectrum Junior/Senior High thought he was being funny by repeatedly and purposely passing gas during computer class.
His teacher, D.C. Carden, didn't bust a gut over the boy's breaking wind - not to mention his continuous turning off classroom computers - so he gave the boy a referral and sent him packing to the school resource officer for a little talk. "He subsequently informed me it was factual, and I informed him as a result of his behavior he was being charged with Disruption of a School Function,"

The boy was arrested for farting. He was released to his mom. No word on what he did in the car on the way home. [Blogs.Tampabay.com]

A teacher denied an inappropriate relationship with a young girl... until the girl was found in his closet. Whoops.

Hate crime is on the rise in Utah, down everywhere else.

A town near Barcelona is using solar panels atop gravestones to power itself.

They finally caught the Butt Bandit we warned you about.

11 Things He Wants From You, according to a male writer at MSN.

Boris Becker was dumped by text message. The woman in question was his fiancee.

And Madonna wants Britney Spears to move into her place... as some sort of ploy to get her back into Kabbalah... or something.

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20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students

While You Were Sleeping: Nude Photo Hoax

Sloppy Seconds: The Sheep Beauty Pageant

Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Hot Teacher Caught After Three-Year Affair With Female Student

The Town Of Valentine, Nebraska Is Under Attack From The Butt Bandit

While You Were Sleeping: The Latest On Hillary Clinton's Career Move

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 14:48:00 GMT

With the new Guns 'N Roses CD due at Best Buy stores on Sunday, Dr. Pepper wants to remind you of its promise for free sodas marking the album's release date.

Letterman and Couric trashed Keith Olbermann.

Does this mean there is going to be another Bourne movie?

Universal Pictures has made an overall deal with the estate of "The Bourne Identity" author Robert Ludlum that gives the studio exclusive rights to the Jason Bourne character and first look at other Ludlum novels. [Variety]

Barack Obama will name Hillary Clinton Secretary of State sometime after Thanksgiving, including to some leaking aides.

Cheerleader initiation rituals in Texas? Even scarier than you'd think: a gang of hooligan girls have been charged with binding and gagging junior varsity newbies and tosses them into a pool. What the hell was that supposed to prove? That they could drown for the cause? How could they not
prove that?

The Guy Ritchie-Madonna divorce heads to the courts today in London.

And as of 1:45 this morning, it seems that the latest news on current Attorney General Michael Mukasey is that he's "alert" and "conversant" following what, in our best guess with what little information we have, sounds like a possible stroke. Mukasey was giving a speech, during which he speech became slurred. Midway, he collapsed and was rushed to the hospital.

Related:

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Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

But Of Course: Madonna's British Accent Explained

Sloppy Seconds: The Craigslist Crackdown on Hookers

Caption This: Madonna the Grouch

Emily Farris — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 14:52:00 GMT

[Image]

Megan Fox Is So Hot Right Now, GQ Can Just Recycle Her Photos Every Month

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 18:41:00 GMT

Megan Fox, who will not be playing Wonder Woman, despite previous reports, and was the only woman shortlisted for GQ's Man of the Year is still the #1 woman on the internet. (Well, except for Keeley Hazel. And Sarah Palin. And... and... never mind.)

But no one drives up traffic like Megan Fox-- or, more importantly-- Megan Fox in a bikini...

According to One India:

American actress Megan Fox has been listed as the hottest babe on the planet in Chickipedia's latest 100 hottest women list yet again. Chickipedia, which is the world's largest web-based, wiki-based database of hot women on the planet, released the Top 100 most-searched for women in the month of October, the Daily Telegraph reported.

This is the second year that Fox has topped the list, with the second place going to Hugh Hefner''s No 1 ex-girlfriend Holly Madison. The most-searched for female survey saw Keeley Hazell in third position, while new Aussie girls ‘The Veronicas’ were at number six. The new list also saw Madonna and Victoria Beckham being dropped and replaced by US Republican IT girl Sarah Palin and her alter ego, Tina Fey.

Good riddance to Madonna and Victoria-- but Holly Madison? Bland as New York is fucking freezing today.

In celebration of Fox's latest victory, GQ has unleashed more of the photos that made her a huge star and, for no reason whatsoever, we're passing them along to you: