Scanner : lingerie

Megan Fox Strips to Underwear for Esquire, Fancy New Camera

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 18:52:00 GMT

Megan Fox doesn't have anything to promote these days, but that never stops "gentleman rags" from running hot photos of her in an effort to "boost" their "circulation."

This time, however, her appearance on the cover of Esquire, and subsequent shots of her in her underwear, have something to do with Fox's promotion of the semi-new Red Cameras...

Here's what Esquire had to say about using the RedONE on this shoot:

For the first time in Esquire's history (and, we imagine, magazine history in general), a cover image was shot as a video. Using the RedONE, a video camera that captures images at four times the resolution of high-definition, photographer-director Greg Williams recorded ten minutes of loosely scripted footage with Fox — getting out of bed, rolling around on a pool chair, inexplicably lighting a barbecue. "It allowed her to act," Williams says. "She could run scenes without being reminded by the sound of a shutter every four seconds that I was taking a picture. As in still photography, a lot of it is capturing unexpected moments. This takes that one step further."

This, by the way, is the same camera that Che, Angels and Demons, and My Bloody Valentine 3D were shot with. It is rather revolutionary... despite the conventional use of Megan Fox to promote it.

Via Esquire-- these photos will be available on May 10th on newsstands everywhere.

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Hot or Not: Playboy's 10 Sexiest CEO's

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 May 2009 20:28:00 GMT

We're not sure how Playboy's (sadly) Safe For Work list of the ten "sexiest" female CEO's in the US qualifies as "sexiest" or even "sexy." Maybe it's the fact that these women probably make lots of money that appeals to the writer.

Even if you think these are ten incredibly hot babes, it's hard to see what's so appealing about seeing them on the Playboy site in their ~~birthday~~ business suits.

For example, check out the standouts:

Who she is: Julie Smolyansky [see above photo]
CEO of: Lifeway Foods; makers of kefir and other specialty dairy products
Age: 33
2008 revenue: $38.7 million
Year founded: 1986
Website: lifeway.net

Why she’s on top: Julie became CEO, treasurer and president when her father, the founder, died of a sudden heart attack. She went back to work the next morning, and under her direction the company more than quadrupled its stock price. A fitness junkie, she ends every day with a trip to the gym. It's obvious to us that all her investments are yielding impressive returns.

What, no lingerie photos or mock-Got Milk? shots from her session? And no punning remarks?

This one has the lingerie connection and a porn star's last name, but... no luck:

Who she is: Claire Chambers
CEO of: Journelle, a lingerie retail company
Age: 29
2008 revenue: $2 million
Year founded: 2007
Website: journelle.com

Why she's on top: After spending a few years in the buttoned-up worlds of management consulting and investment banking, she slipped into something a little more comfortable: lingerie. Now she spends her days letting women everywhere know that sexy and sophisticated underthings aren't just for special occasions, they're the kind of luxury they should indulge in every day. We couldn’t agree more.

This one's more like it... but... still lacking in the NSFW department:

Who she is: Kerry Knee
CEO of: Flirty Girl Fitness, a fitness lifestyle company
Age: 38
Number of employees: 120
Year founded: 2005
Website: flirtygirlfitness.com

Why she's on top: A former IT exec and calculus major from Toronto, Kerry—and her sister Krista—opened Flirty Girl Fitness as a social club where women can sweat hard in classes like Hottie Body Boxing and XXX Power Strip, then play hard at the "Flirty Girl Bar" afterward. We're burning calories just thinking about it.

See all 10 of the women at Playboy.com.

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Syrian Lingerie Seduces the World

Emily Farris — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 18:58:00 GMT

VIA THE MODERN MATERIALIST: In an article recently published by Der Spiegel, the mysterious world of Syrian lingerie is revealed in no small detail. It turns out that Syria has become a hub of all things exotic, lacy, feathered, musical (yes, musical) and otherwise. Here are a few scintillating samples:

Read more...

Mel Gibson's Mistress Begins the Obligatory Photo Leak Phase of Her Stardom

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Who is Oksana Pochepa and why is she, of all the women in Mel Gibson's life since his 28-year-long marriage began, the one to break up his happy union?

According to ShowBizSpy:

Oksana Pochepa claims that she had a romantic relationship with the 53-year-old actor and has now fallen in love.
“This is serious and I hope that our union will be real and strong and long-lasting,” she told British tabloid The Sun.
Pochepa also confirmed that she is the mystery brunette photographed kissing Gibson on a Costa Rican beach in March.
And according to Us Weekly, Gibson met Oksana last August when she was hired to compose a song for the actor’s upcoming thriller Edge of Darkness.

Wait, she's so big that American film producers asked her, a young Russian pinup, to compose a song for their major Hollywood blockbuster? Something's fishy about her story, and we won't know until either a) Mel Gibson breaks his silence or b) the men with butterfly nets take her off to a secret KGB warehouse for brainwashing. No?

By the way, based on these photos alone, would she be able to break up your marriage?

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We Finally Figured Out Why Marilyn Manson Dumped Dita Von Teese...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 18:33:00 GMT

For a long time, we thought Marilyn Manson was crazy for dumping his new wife, Dita Von Teese (Dita Von TEESE, for God's sake!) for some teenage actress named Evan Rachel Wood. Wood, we thought, wasn't even the femme fatale type, while Von Teese is practically the textbook definition. Then again, it's our own fault for not realizing Marilyn Manson was crazy beforehand.

Now comes word that a) Marilyn Manson has apologized to Von Teese for leaving her in the lurch and b) has gotten back together with his onetime flame. Wood, meanwhile, is moving rapidly toward stardom thanks to the new Woody Allen movie and this GQ photo spread...

Despite her breakout roles in mainstream movies like The Wrestler and scandal-free lifestyle, she still scares the crap out of us. (In her GQ interview, she laments the loss of her pet rats.) After all,

this is the girl who, at age 19, shot a blood-spattered sex scene with her boyfriend, Marilyn Manson, for one of his rock videos.
More recently, she was linked with her Wrestler co-star, the 56-year-old Mickey Rourke. “There was no truth to it, and it was so annoying,” says Wood, now 21, who is back with Manson after “taking some time” away from the relationship. Of Rourke, she says: “The friendship was intimate and nice, and this makes it weird.”

Via GQ.

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Whatever You Do, Don't Pack Lingerie for a Trip to England

Colleen Kane — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 20:52:00 GMT

So, apparently in the UK it's fine to turn away someone at the airport if the Border Agency doesn't approve of the wardrobe they've brought. In the case of a 32-year-old Brazilian woman, she was recently refused admission to Newcastle from Geneva when her luggage contained only T-shirts, lingerie, and a robe.

And this is illegal because...?

For one thing, the woman wouldn't specify her plans in Newcastle, other than seeing the city center. For another, she had been refused admission to the UK three months prior, when she attempted to fly into Belfast with sex toys and a list of escort services.

A spokesperson for the Border Agency said, "Visitors to the UK must play by the rules. Those who do not are refused entry and sent home." Sounds like this woman is guilty of being sexy! But what rules did she not play by? BBC News did not specify.

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PETA Names the Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 18:26:00 GMT

Back in February, we advised you to vote for PETA's Sexiest Vegetarian Next Door 2009. There were loads of hot men and women in the running, many of them pictured in their underwear with bulges or major cleavage-- but thankfully, never both.

The ~~People Eating Tasty Animals~~ People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals have finally announced the winners and they're not who we expected...

As you may recall, we nominated the following gals: Alexia from New York City; Amy from Port Angeles, WA; Brooke from Ogden, UT; Giselle from Miami, FL; and Sunny from North Hollywood, CA.

Sadly, our advice was ignored and the winner is...

There's nothing wrong with Amber-- nothing wrong, that is, unless you're disappointed that PETA, supposedly secretly a feminist hive, prefers blondes. How original. (Okay, really, we were just rooting for Sunny to take the top prize...)

Amber, a [Minnetonka] Minnesota native, decided to go vegetarian after reading the book Skinny Bitch and doing research on making the switch, and she's thrilled with the results! In addition to feeling stronger both mentally and physically, she loves knowing that her carbon footprint is smaller, thanks to her vegetarian diet. Amber is the very proud guardian of several rescued animal companions, and she spends time volunteering for the Minnesota Boxer Rescue. She even lets her love for animals carry over into her work as a photographer. Check out the cute companion animal gallery on her Web site to see for yourself! Amber's major turn-ons are confidence, bad boys who have a heart for animals, tattoos, and creativity.

By the way, the winner for the Sexiest Male Vegetarian Next Door is... Monty.

Monty, 33, [of Los Angeles, CA] initially switched to a vegetarian diet for health reasons, but after he learned how factory farming affects animals and the environment, his convictions were reinforced, and he recently went vegan! Monty owns a visual-arts firm, and his photos capture the essence of a wide variety of timely issues, including President Barack Obama's presidential campaign. Monty shares his home with Zeus, a Chihuahua he took in after he found him wandering on Hollywood Boulevard. Monty considers analytical minds and compassionate hearts to be turn-ons and is turned off by people who aren't open-minded. He loves to travel and will soon retrace the steps of the man who discovered the North Pole.

Both win separate trips for two to Hawaii. One has to wonder what all the Hawaiians in the running were in it for...

Via PETA.

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"Britain's Sexiest Teacher" In Hot Water After Steamy Photo Shoot

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 15:10:00 GMT

Natasha Gray, voted Britain's Sexiest Teacher in a phone survey following a television show seven years ago, is (finally) back in the news again for doing the only thing that could ever upset a British parent: not being able to live on a teacher's salary.

Apparently, some parents were worried about their children being taught by a woman who models in the near-nude... and here we thought Britain was more enlightened about the female form than their American counterparts...

Some kid who couldn't keep his or her mouth shut (who talks to their parents about what goes on at school anyway?) told his/her mom that Gray had lingerie photos up on iModel, a website for aspiring underwear champions. The woman wrote an anonymous letter to the school informing them of the photos, which she said was "disgusted" by the "inappropriate" spread.

"I assume the pupils have a good giggle about it but I find it rather crass."

Well, my dear, if teachers were banned from doing anything one single person finds offensive, the only thing they could do was sit absolutely still and keep their eyes closed. In other words, find something better do with your time, mom.

Meanwhile, "Tasha" has been told she will not be fired, but that the school hopes she knows that this will go down on her permanent record.

Via various English media sources and iModel.

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While You Were Sleeping: It's A Lipstick Jungle Out There

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 30 Mar 2009 13:10:00 GMT

Women in Saudi Arabia are going to other countries to shop for lingerie because of the male store employees. In other news, Saudi Arabia allows lingerie.

Prince William "can marry a Jedi," but not a Catholic.

Fake Dina Lohan and Fake Christopher Walken were outed and removed, respectively, from Twitter.

Richard Simmons never stops entertaining, even in the airport, and even if it means singing... "Single Ladies?"

What do you do if your first bank robbery fails? Go into the next bank. That way, it's easier for the cops to find you.

No one wants to have to sit through the vile, racist Rush Limbaugh show, which is why Media Matters has set up Limbaugh Wire.

John Mayer is wearing, um, a little sailor suit and, um, sniffing a mankini.

And are you sitting down? Lipstick Jungle has been canceled, if you hadn't already heard.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes Involving Lingerie

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 20:38:00 GMT

Every guy has a childhood story about finding the nudie mags under their friend's dad's bed. Ours involves raiding our best friend's father's Playboy collection, dating back to the mid-sixties, and going over centerfolds ranging from famous rock groupie Bebe Buell to Vicki Iovine, wife of the great record producer Jimmy Iovine.

But we always got bored with the nude women posing in the same exact way. We ended up digging to the bottom for the Victoria's Secret catalog with Elle MacPherson on the cover. To us, the tease was better than the full monty.

With that in mind, here are Five of our Favorite Sex Scenes Featuring Lingerie...

5. Gia. This first surfaced on the internet entitled "Banned Lingerie Commercial." Yeah, right-- even lingerie commericals aren't this hot. Should this automatically be #1 on any list of anything, including lists that have nothing to do with sex? Yes. Are we too lazy to move it to the bottom of this post? Indeed.

4. Two Days in the Valley. Skip to 0:22 to the part where James Spader finally shuts up when Charlize and her long, long, long legs enter the bedroom... and then they both don't shut up. Ever.

3. Mutual Needs. Is this a porno? Rochelle Swanson's in it, so it must be... but who's complaining? If you have five minutes to kill today, this is how you should spend it.

2. Layer Cake. Skip to 1:30 to build on the hotness. Thinking that this PG-13 movie would be lacking in uncomfortable sex scenes, we decided a Daniel Craig action movie might be a good choice for a post-Thanksgiving dinner. Whoops. Sienna Miller here explains why she is able to hypnotize men into leaving their wives-- she just pops in a DVD of this scene:

1. El Beso del Sueno. Maribel Verdu from Y Tu Mama Tambien and... some old guy... in what was obviously her audition for the famous blockbuster Alfonse Cuaron film. Did that movie top this one in her terms of hotness? Of course... but don't miss the close up of Verdu's panties... Cuaron didn't think of that.

Bonus: Lori Loughlin from Full House in what may or may not be lingerie (or is a simple dress?) from Suckers.

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Wacko Right-Wing Politician Hit With Nude Photo Scandal

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:02:00 GMT

Pauline Hanson has railed against an "Asian invasion" in Australia, been to jail for electoral fraud, appeared on Dancing With the Stars, and made a strong political comeback, all over the course of a relatively brief career.

Now, Hanson's bid "as an independent at the upcoming 2009 Queensland state election" may be in jeopardy after a series of nude and raunchy photos have surfaced...

When Hanson was 19, she posed for another teenager who she fell for thanks to his awesome Harley Davidson motorcycle. At least, that's what her now ex-boyfriend told the Australian papers that originally published these photos. At some point, he convinced her to pose for his camera:

Unfortunately, these censored pics are the only ones released by the media.

Two things: one, this girl looks older than 19 and two, how can we be sure this is her? Hanson denies it, flat out, although that's the obvious talking point for a right-wing politician. The publisher of the original photos claims that his paper did "a very, very extensive checking process which... involves stripping out colours, looking at the pixel count in images. These images are not doctored. They are not fakes, it's not her head stuck on somebody else's body."

While the model may be entirely human, how do we know the model is Pauline Hanson?

Australia's major political parties could care less-- they were in unanimous agreement that the photos will not affect this weekend's election...

Read more about this story here.

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Hot or Not: The Doodle Bra?

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:12:00 GMT

When we first heard about the Doodle Bra, we thought "of course, drawing on breasts!" Unfortunately, it's much less exciting than that—we think you're supposed to draw on the bra before putting it on. While we love boobs as much as the next guy, or gal, after reading the press release for the product and realizing that it's not marketed for grown women, or even couples, we're almost put off by it.

DOODLE BRA creates positive responses entertaining and engaging young ladies and girls while meeting the needs of essential under garments and providing a way for self expression at the same time.

The DOODLE BRA allows the customer to maximize their spending power by receiving happiness and entertainment for the value of purchasing the necessary garments alone.

The DOODLE BRA non-toxic washable markers, custom designer stencils, and DOODLE BRA Idea Booklet provide the tools for redesigning the garments over and over again for countless uses of pleasure and happiness.

The DOODLE BRA kit also provides the customer the ability to design this garment to match their existing outfits without having to purchase separate items.

DOODLE BRA is currently offering the bra package with the complete line of boutique items including: Camis, Panties, Boxers, Briefs and other garments soon to be available

What do you think? Sounds like the perfect companion to abstinence-only education!

[AdRants via Jezebel]

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Fox News Wants You To Have Sex... Greener Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 22:34:00 GMT

We're often discussing ways to reconcile our need for unrestrained, raunchy sex with our boring ol' environmentalism. Sometimes we've even gotten specific about ways our love lives have evolved in a more socially-conscious era. But we not as specific as the recent Fox News piece "11 Ways to Make Your Sex Life 'Greener.'"

Wait, Fox News is leading the eco-friendly sexual revolution? Now, this we gotta see...

Here are the 11 Ways, according to FNC Sexpert Yvonne K. Fulbright, a smarty-pants name if we've ever heard it (just kidding-- it's impossible to successfully mock a pompous byline when your own last name is Fairbanks.)

1. Organic Lubricants 2. Bamboo Sheets 3. Eco-Lingerie 4. Environmentally Friendly Condoms 5. Sustainable Wooden Paddles 6. Phthalate-Free Vibrators 7. Certified Fair Trade Chocolate 8. Local Flowers 9. Sex Kits 10. Organic Wine 11. DivaCup

Nothing extraordinary, but perhaps more comprehensive than many similar lists we've personally created on Scanner. But one thing stuck with us-- this seemed all too familiar. Look at a post on the TakePart blog:

1) Sustainably Sexy Lingerie 2) Vegan Condoms 3) Natural Lubricants 4) Spank Me! 5) Organic Massage Oils 6) Solar Vibrator 7) Twisted Monk Bondage Starter Kit 8) Smart Balls 9) Fun in the Tub 10) Fair Trade Aphrodisiacs

No one's accusing Fox of plagairzing our friends at the socially-conscious TakePart, but why would we listen to Fox News, a network that tells us sex is a shameful practice yet has no problem milking stories about it for monetary gain? Why would we listen to a conservative "news" source, a proudly "red state" institution after it was revealed that people in states that heavily regulate sexual activity spend more money on porn than those in more liberal areas?

Perhaps we're getting ahead of ourselves. But the point is-- why would anyone care what Fox News thinks is greener sex when we have a liberal list that includes gems like this:

Have you been a baaaad environmentalist? Forget to recycle that take-out container last night? Bend over and take your punishment like a good little greenie with this classic wooden paddle made with materials from a sustainable source by a fair trade project in India.

Suck my Smart Balls, Murdoch.

We'll spare you our revolutionary #12 idea, which has something to do with the "WTF?!" photo seen here...

Top image via. The TakePart blog post is here; Fox's is here.

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Dita Von Teese Ends Her Paris Show in Style

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 23:17:00 GMT

As we've mentioned previously, Dita Von Teese took Paris by blitzkreig over the past couple of weeks, wrapping up her epic burlesque run at the Crazy Horse this past Monday night.

After the jump, video, photos, and some exciting news for those who missed out...

If you're like us, you're insatiable in your quest for photos of Miss Von Teese, so here are two from recent shoots unrelated to her Paris show...

For those of you able and willing to go to, or luckily residing in, Paris, France, all is not lost, as the poets at Coldplay would say:

DUE TO OVERWHELMING RESPONSE...
DITA VON TEESE RETURNS TO THE CRAZY HORSE PARIS IN MARCH!!!

After a sell out two week run in February, the first guest star in the history of Paris' famed Crazy Horse, Dita, returns to the stage in March 2009 for a extended two week run between March 16th to 27th. The show includes new numbers, some featuring Dita with the Crazy Horse dancers.

Purchase tickets for those shows here.

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Burlesque Star Wants To Spice Up Your Valentine's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 10 Feb 2009 15:46:00 GMT

Unfortunately, she did not offer to come to our house for a champagne-soaked threesome, but burlesque babe Ava Garter (yuk yuk yuk) proposed the next best thing: some fashion tips to rock your Valentine's Day this year.

For a change, they're actually quite good. Usually, the best V-Day advice is something akin to "stay in, get liquored up, dim the lights, break out the massage oil, and get down to business." But as she tells the Los Angeles Times, Garter has better ideas for this Saturday night.

Here are our favorite excerpts from the interview:

[On wearing that black dress you have hidden away:] A black dress should have a back or side zipper; you wouldn't want to get into a seduction scene and tug it over your head.

It's always very sexy to go with a pretty black bra, black garter belt, black panties with a bow and a nude sheer stocking. Black is slimming, and a nude stocking makes your legs look much longer.

For the bedroom, you can use a pair of black gloves as a tool for seduction that's very cheap -- remove them very slowly, one at a time, and take as long as you like.

If you're having dinner with your boyfriend or husband for Valentine's Day, touch up your lipstick very slowly in front of him and let him watch. Eyelashes are a fetish for me.
Pasta is inexpensive, easy and really romantic [for a perfect night in.]
One of the best gifts you can give a man is the gift of you, sharing time together and letting him off the hook for buying you something--

All right, that's enough. Don't get all sappy on us, Ava...

More with Ava Garter via the LA Times.

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MSNBC Needs a Lesson on Panties

Colleen Kane — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:10:00 GMT

A hard-hitting MSNBC video expose on a trend in sales of panties-- namely, that sales of thongs are down in the economic downturn in favor of "granny panties"-- reveals an oversimplified, antipodal view of panties. According to newscaster Lauren Petty of WVIT, there are only two kinds.

Can we just review the range of other readily available categories, all of which are more comfortable than thongs and less ugly than granny panties?

String bikini.

Bikini.

Boyshort/ hipster cut.

Vintage-style high-waisters.

Just sayin'. And to watch that news video, it's here.

Scanner Survey: Hot or Not, Granny Panties?

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Will You Be Our Sexy Valentine?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 16:26:00 GMT

Prepare yourself... Valentine's Day is coming, which means you'll be subjected to 10,824 posts about it between now and the weekend.

You can bribe us into near silence, though, by buying and sending us one of these sexy V-Day gifts...

The old cliche/joke here at Scanner is that we're all secret lesbians, so it's only natural we would turn to GO Magazine, the monthly publication for gay ladies in various American cities. This month, they've published a multi-page portfolio of the greatest of this year's V-Day sex toys and other treats we've been too naughty not to receive:

1) The Forever Yours Vibe

2) The Pink Kink Kit. Says Babeland:

Bondage beginner? You’ll find sugar and spice and everything naughty in our super-sexy, non-intimidating Pink Kink Kit, making bondage affordable, fashionable and very appealing. An innocent pink mesh bag holds a heart-emblazoned, comfortable leather blindfold, an adorable pink leather 11” whip with a teasing sting, and a snap-to-fit leather collar that reads SEXY (as if it weren’t obvious!).

3) Two-Person Home Sauna. Ever had sex in a sauna? We're not sure if that one time was a daydream or the real thing, but either way, it wasn't worth this $3,000 price tag. Although, hey, if you're buyin'...

4) Dirty Dolls Lingerie

Check out all 23 pages of selections from GO Magazine.

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Lingerie Bowl Cancelled Due to Sexiness

Colleen Kane — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 20:32:00 GMT

We thought Super Bowl Sunday was also generally acknowledged to be T&A Sunday. Not so this year: forces (most likely freedom-hating foreigners) have conspired to keep lingerie-clad women off TV screens across America. First the news that PETA's latest boob-filled ploy to save the animals was banned from broadcasting during the Super Bowl, and now this news: No Lingerie Bowl VI.

The pay-per-view event, which is normally shown during the Super Bowl's half time, has been cancelled due to a disagreement with Caliente, the clothing-optional resort where the game was set to take place, over a clothing mandate for the game's players and fans.

That means some spectators in the background would have been nude. Including...MALE nudity!

"The league will not place our fans, players, staff nor partners in a less then comfortable environment that would ultimately jeopardize the mainstream perception and reputation of the brand that so many have worked diligently over these past five years to build," said a spokesman for the event.

In other words, nip slips are great, even encouraged, but we don't want any men to have to accidentally see nude men.

Whatevs, everyone knows the Puppy Bowl is where it's at anyway.

Related:

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PeTA: Again With Thinking Sex Sells Unpopular Idea

Colleen Kane — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 16:04:00 GMT

You can guess how this one goes. PETA wanted to run an ad during the Super Bowl. It was SEXY because it showed scantily-clad women cavorting about with vegetables, licking a pumpkin suggestively, etc. The claim is "Studies Show vegetarians have better sex."

NBC refused to run the ad, saying it was too suggestive...although something tells us there will still be plenty of scantily clad women in evidence in the Super Bowl commercials. Now you and others can watch the clip anyway online without them paying the Super Bowl fee.

Here's that "too sexy for prime time" commercial.

'Veggie Love': PETA's Banned Super Bowl Ad

But it doesn't matter anyway, because:

PETA! Enough already. Does this ever work? Depends what your definition of work is. It got attention. Did anyone see this ad and decide to become vegetarian? No. Was this ad going to convert any football-loving, hot-wings-pounding Joe Sixpack if it ran anyway? No. Did anyone see this and think that PETA, and by extension, vegetarians and vegans, are a bunch of crackpots? Certainly.

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Hot or Not? Victoria Beckham in Armani Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham has always struck us as the kind of woman Brits go crazy for, but the rest of the world cannot get into. If she weren't married to the top footballer, would the world remember her or would she just fall into obscurity, along with the rest of the Spice Girls?

Having recently signed a 12-million-pound modeling deal, Victoria will definitely be in the public eye on her own a lot more, and, if this keeps up, might be able to win us over...

'There are loads of things I don't like about my body', she said. 'I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach.'
The pictures of Victoria, which will grace billboards and magazines are from her first shoot in the three-year multi-million pound deal.

What do you think of her new Armani campaign? Are we done with her, can we move on?

Photos via Telegraph.

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In Photo War, Patriots Cheerleaders Outdo Cleveland Cavs Cheerleaders

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 15:12:00 GMT

The Cleveland Cavaliers cheerleaders had a photo scandal earlier this month that resulted in many self-righteous commentators spewing nonsense about how disgraceful their innocent, playful, and totally raunchy pics were. (Bill O'Reilly, as usual, had to outdo everyone by giving the girls a public spanking: "[T]his isn't ... the inner city; you would think that these kids would have some kind of a values system.")

In the ensuing chaos, everyone forgot about another cheerleader scandal-- that one in football, courtesy of the New England Patriots. (Still with us?) Next, the other Patriots cheerleaders, we're guessing wildly here, got jealous of all their rivals' media attention and FHM offers and decided to leak sexy photos from the past...

Here are the best, courtesy of some guy named Don Chavez. We're guessing he makes tequila or something.

Oh. How risque... they possess lingerie and footwear. Whoopee.

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Lingerie Football Linebacker Sues Ex For Leaking Her Nude Photos

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 30 Dec 2008 18:49:00 GMT

Melissa Berry, a linebacker for the lingerie football league (for some reason, the words "linebacker" and "lingerie" don't go together in our brains), is suing her ex for 15 g's after it was discovered he posted photos of her giving a blow job.

We may have to side with him on this one: since we can't seem to find any records of the nude photos online (and unless someone sends us a link, damn it), we have to suspect they were never there in the first place. However, given this guy's profession, we almost hope this story is true...

According to various news outlets, Mark Dawson, the 45-year-old ex in question, is a "safe dating expert." (Lesson Number One: Don't Let Your Boyfriend Have Possession of Your Nude Photos.) After Berry dumped his sorry ass, Dawson decided to get revenge by showing the photos, which were on his cell phone; somehow, Berry got ahold of the phone and smashed it to pieces. Her former lover responded by demanding $500 for the device's replacement; when this wasn't provided, he started forwarding the nude photos of Berry. Recipient #? Berry's mother.

Recipient's #2 through infinity would be the internet, if, again, anyone ever actually saw the photos before they were pulled. Based on the claim by Berry's attorney that they feature his client engaged in a “particularly private, intimate sexual act,” we can imagine they involve something like the below photo, only more naked-er.

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Cops Stripped Of Duties After Wild Hooker Party

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 18:53:00 GMT

Imagine you're a cop in Australia. How is it possible you're able to carry out your duties with the high-quality gene pool there?

Who could blame the cops in the country's Northern Territory for growing restless while on patrol and stopping off at the Hooker Ball for a grope and grind?

According to the local media in Darwin, NT, the two cops were removed from street work after compromising photographs turned up from an annual pimps-and-hoes-themed costume party in the sleepy capital. They were supposed to be checking the club for crime, drunken antics, and proper licensing, but instead got a couple of lapdances and delivered one or two spankings. What, does Darwin want its cops to be asexual or-- worse-- un-fun?

As these pictures prove, the coppers had no other choice. They should be exonerated.

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The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 19:11:00 GMT

Based on the public outcry surrounding a university student's nude photo in a collegiate newspaper, some Brits are clearly in possession of long-dormant puritanical streaks.

The unnamed 21-year-old blond from Homerton College, wearing lingerie sans top, posed for the third page of Vivid Magazine, an anonymous Cambridge University publication, apparently a riff on the Sun's regular feature of Page 3 Girls...

Unfortunately, no fully nude photos have leaked onto the web, but we do have a blurry one for you:

"I can't believe she agreed to pose for the magazine. Everyone has been talking about it. I'm sure she must really regret it now."
"Lots of students and professors have seen this. It's a very risky thing to do when you are studying at one of the top universities in the country." [News Locale]

People, we shouldn't wonder whether this kind of thing will hurt her academic career. We should be celebrating the fact that she had the guts to go topless in a magazine that only her fellow academics would read. To be able to hold your head up and not care what these people think after a stunt like this is a very valuable life goal...

Photos via Hotties in the News.

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Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

We put streaking in quotes in our headline because the girls in this video are not actually naked-- they are about as naked as we feel comfortable with and can legally get away posting images of. Does that make sense?

Never mind, you'll just have to see for yourself...

Warning: this video appears to have been filmed by someone who has never operated a video camera before. You'll see what we mean:

Well, at least the beginning is all watchable. And hell, the story ain't bad, either:

Video footage obtained by CBC News shows a dozen South Delta students wearing very little run across the field and spray silly string on the opposing team during half time.

Johnson said he warned students last month not to streak at this year's final game of the season but was, obviously, ignored. Many parents and children left the game in disgust after the prank, he said.

"Our position is one that we don't celebrate this. We don't find it funny," he said.

The girls, calling what they did a "harmless prank," said streaking is a tradition at their school.

"It's just kind of like a fun [graduation] prank for our year, and it's been going on for a couple of years now," said one of the girls, who wanted to be identified only as Rochelle. "It was pretty much out of fun."

"I get older... Canadian high school girls stay the saaamme age..."

Seriously, it would be one thing if these girls were naked and molesting people, but other than that, these parents need to take a step and remember a time when they still had a pulse.

Here's a last parting shot-- a still frame from the video, about the only way you're ever going to be able to figure out what's going on in it:

Via CBC.

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Sloppy Seconds: Phillies Fan Gives Her Team A Big Boost

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

Vietnam believes small chests are unhealthy and that thin people shouldn't operate motor vehicles. Believe it or not, this is a health initiative.

T.I. voted in Georgia, despite being a convicted felon and a guy we didn't think would ever show up to vote.

This top 10 list of "Things I Hate Absolutely Hate About Heteronormative Dating" doesn't always hit the nail on the head, but these entries we can agree with:

3. If you show emotion too early on or too much of it, you are needy.

8. If you have sex too early you ruined it.

9. If you don't have sex early on you are a prude.

The rest can be found here.

A man stole a male "enhancement" cream (in quotes because it doesn't do anything-- or so we've heard, we swear), tried it out in the store's bathroom, failed to satisfy himself, checked out the Barbie dolls, exposed himself in the aisle, and returned to the bathroom to try again. Yep, that's pretty much all there is to that story.

This guy is either drunk or a McCain campaign worker trying to muck things up.

That naughty Shakira... she made everything think she was pregnant, but it turned out it was just a publicity stunt for her new album. Blah.

And today's Miss CoEd at CoEd magazine is Erika Nicole, who really wants the Phillies to win tonight, so much show that she's willing to leak dozens of photos of herself in very little clothing to give the team a morale, um, boost.

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Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:34:00 GMT

In a move that team owners are calling "True Fantasy Football," some burly middle-aged guys think they have unleashed the greatest new sport.

Forget the XFL. Forget Arena Football or even boring College Football. (We have.) The real threat to the NFL's stranglehold on the pigskin is a gimmick that combines dreaming about Victoria's Secret models and the other favorite male pastime: watching football on your fat ass...

Perhaps you heard about the Lingerie Bowl, taking place as a sort of alternative halftime show near the stadiums where the Super Bowl is held? Well, apparently, the virus is spreading... the LFL (as it may or may not be called in shorthand) has turned itself into a full-on league, with ten franchise teams and a major Lingerie Bowl in Tampa next year. As if Florida is in enough danger from criminals who host yard sales consisting of electronics they stole from their next door neighbors, a closeted homosexual Republican governor who pretends to be getting married, hurricanes, butterfly ballots, and a flooded coastline, they now have lingerie-clad football players helping usher in the apocalypse.

Then again, if this is what the apocalypse looks like, there's a soundbite that George W. Bush once stole from a Kirsten Dunst movie that we think might be appropriate here...

Some images via The Superficial, most of the bad ones via the actual LFL site.

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This Weekend In Missed Connections: Bus Driver Blues

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 14:16:00 GMT

When Missed Connections first took off on Craigslist, we were already hooked. Now, years later, we seem to be falling into the same trap: checking to see what insane things happened on your Saturday night...

First up, a bus driver makes a new pair of friends he's calling "The Double D's..."

you were walking west on e86st and 2nd ave at 1:40am Sunday(TODAY).I was driving the m15 bus. You tapped on my buses windshield smiled at me and wow'd me.Then you realized that you were showing me your Victorias Secret.
You then WOW'D me for real,with those Double D"s.And they were oh so perfect.
I want to thank you for that. And to let you know that i will be at the same place tonight at 1:11am,hoping that you show up and wow me again.But this time I want your number.

Ha-- a bus driver that knows exactly what time he's arriving at a stop? Nice try, buddy...

Next up... a total fake, but bonus points for being able to carry on tiresome puns for so long. It is from someone who claims to have been at the beach on Saturday:

I saw you holding your pole, wow that was one of the biggest poles I ever saw. I was wearing a blue bikini as bait and I caught you, and I mentioned I had a nice little clam, you seemed very interested, you were grinning and licking your lips saying you loved eating fresh raw clam and you also said you loved going deep sea diving or was that just deep diving? ;) I was afraid you thought I was shallow, but I think you could tell I ran as deep as the ocean. I also feared you thought I was fishing for compliments, and well I fell for you hook, line and sinker. [This goes on for ages... then...] I shore like you! If you see this [should've written "sea this"-- oh man, we're getting sucked in now...] please please please talk to me I am the little blond shrimp with big puffers! And baby next time let's have a clam bake,yummmmmmmmmmm

This is one you only need the title for: girl who let one go on the toilet seat at monster island on saturday - m4w

Here's one that isn't creepy for a change:

You were waiting for your date (boyfriend?) for about 30 minutes. Then when he got there, he was on the phone or his blackberry most of the time. I was at a table with some friends across from you in a dark blue t-shirt. Please, please... get rid of that guy.

Here's a guy who's just waiting for someone, anyone, to respond to his posts:

What BOOK are you reading??????????? - m4w
Lately you can be found reading a book on your break / lunch. Does this describe you? If it does, hit me up and we'll find out if youre the one Im looking for!

It describes everyone, dude...

Sharing Granola at the Boise CO-OP on Saturday Aug. 23rd - m4w
Are you out there?? We were at the Granola dispensers and i was dishing out some different kinds for us to sample.

I got tied up shopping for our BurningMan trip and when i came to my senses and looked for you, you were already gone.

Nope, these aren't stereotypes, they're real people...

Here's an arbitrary redirect to the Boston Missed Connections...

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Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 27 Aug 2008 21:01:00 GMT

Are you better off now than you were in 1999? We seriously doubt it, although this chart may make you think you're making the same money you were then: nice try, thanks for (not) factoring in cost of living increases, dumbasses.

Charlize Theron at the DNC: No, I won't get married.

Speaking of marriage: Are we upset or could we care less that this movie star got hitched?

Asia Argento has wed in Tuscany, Italy.
The actress married director Michele Civetta on Wednesday in a civil ceremony at the city hall in Arezzo. The 32-year-old daughter of Italian moviemaker Dario Argento was previously engaged to actors Michael Pitt and Vincent Gallo but she never married.

One million new bankruptcies have been filed this week. Just kidding, it was over the last 12 months. Phew!

What does a country gotta indict somebody for in order to get rid of him? Senator Ted Stevens won his primary yesterday.

Today in the Apocalypse: Rat meat is in high demand in Cambodia, thanks to the economy.

Awww, man... the nun beauty pageant has been canceled for the usual, predictable reasons.

You probably heard about Eva Longoria's early forays into lingerie. If that's your kind of thing, you'll definitely want to check out The Superficial's posting of seven-year-old photos, most of which have been virtually unseen, at least on the internet. Here (and above), a taste:

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Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:59:00 GMT

"I love it when you can go about your daily business with the knowledge that you have a little secret of your own on underneath," says Dita Von Teese. But she's not talking about Victoria-- she's talking about Wonderbra, for which she has launched a new line of burlesque-ready wear...

"Lingerie shouldn't be something you just put on for your lover; you should do it for you.

"It's not about seducing men, it's about embracing womanhood."

Right-- embracing womanhood... to seduce men. Anyway, regardless of the goals of the endeavor, sales are really the goal, and sales are expected to be huge. (Unfortunately, the bras will be available September 23rd in Europe only, but surely one of you creative research types can find a way to get them mailed to you elsewhere.)

Here's something to whet your appetite further:

The bra-bottom combo features a magnetic clip, "making daring stripteases a cinch", according to Wonderbra.

Via Telegraph.

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