Scanner : laziness

Generate This: Facebook Status Generator For The Lazy, Self-Obsessed

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 18:43:00 GMT

We've all done it: signed on to Facebook, seen that status update at the top, the one that hasn't been updated since 2006, still saying you're at a great party and wish everyone was there. So, you clear the status and say to yourself, "Why can't I be brilliant and creative and sound like I'm getting laid just to prove to that Racer X guy that I can?"

Well, you could do ~~worse~~ better than this silly new website: generateus.

Here are some of the Facebook status updates it came up for me, based on my name and my gender:

Brian knows he's getting old when he stoops to tie his shoes and wonders what else he can do while he's down there
Brian loves his job. That's why he saves it for later.

That one works: it's true that I'm just getting it together this afternoon. But man, could these be any more dull? Why not just clear your status and stop Tweeting and boring people with our every move?

Brian is contemplating internal combustion, since the match won't stay lit long enough to ignite the gunpowder he's eaten today.
Brian is embarrassing his children. A full time occupation.
Brian wonders whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

Come on, if we have this kind of time, why don't we come up with better bullshit on our own?

Via generateus.

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Merry Christmas... From the KKK?

Exercise In A Pill? Sign Us Up!

Ina Maier — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 21:10:00 GMT

It's a blogger's dream: a pill that promises to give you the benefits of exercise without having to, you know, actually do anything...

The AP reports that sedentary mice who took this mystery and/or miracle drug for four weeks burned more calories and had less fat than untreated mice. And, as it turns out, when tested on a treadmill (hamster wheel?), the mice could run 44 percent farther and 23 percent longer than untreated mice.

The rest of the article goes on to temper everyone expectations by quoting total Debbie Downer comments like, "Whether it would happen in a person, I don't know," and "It would [still] be better to do exercise than take a pill."

We say: fuck that, sign us up, and we'll see you on that creepy fat-person oasis / space colony in Wall-E.

[via Yahoo! News]

Male Spiders Play Dead for Sex, Apparently It's Working Out for Them

Emily Farris — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 18:03:00 GMT

So, let's get this straight. When a male spider just lies there with a little bit of food hanging out of his mouth, a female spider will ride him all night long, spidey-style?

Not all male nursery web spiders looking for a little arachnid sex adopt this technique, but those that do more than double their chances of hitting the jackpot, according to new study in Behavioral Ecology...

But the ones that lay flat and motionless -- even if meant getting dragged about by a female that had latched onto the victuals -- wound up in a much better position, as it were, to engage in sexual activity.
Males that played dead were also allowed to copulate longer than males that did not, ensuring more eggs could [be] fertilized, the researchers reported.

Glad that's working out for you, spiders, but I'd like to be the first to say: men, don't try this at home.

[AFP: Male spiders play dead for sex: study]