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While You Were Sleeping: Post-Sex Guilt

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 13:52:00 GMT

Larry Craig, age four.

Loony Michele Bachman of Loony Minnesota (just kidding, although see above) knows there are exactly 17 socialists in Congress. You know, back in the day, we ran Joe McCarthy out of town with smarter quips than that.

Does your male lover suffer from "post-sex guilt?"

The White House is under attack! By bees.

Ah, yes, another crazy white supremacist with a firearm. Wonders never cease.

Britney Spears had this advice for her audience, generally made up of young girls and their patient mothers: "Don't smoke weed. Rock out with your cocks out. Peace, motherfuckers!"

Controversial (and therefore great) filmmaker Kirby Dick follows up his anti-MPAA movie "This Film Is Not Rated" with a movie that attempts to expose closeted American political figures.

Farrah Fawcett is well enough to leave the hospital.

Just in time for Easter, the Nestle's Chocolate Milk thief has struck again in Congress.

And Sony wants to put its movies on YouTube for free. We'll believe it when we get to the end credits.

While You Were Sleeping: Britney's In Prison

While You Were Sleeping: Joining the Mile High Club

Britney Spears Suffers From A Vagina Slip

O Face: The National Anthem

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 18:05:00 GMT

Previously, we brought you images of news anchors having orgasms mid-broadcast. Thanks to a photo essay from today's Jossip, we're now able to bring you a stunning(ly pointless) sequel: singers reaching the climax of our national anthem, plus the above photo of John Mayer for the hell of it.

These choices are rather disappointing and, considering the national anthem, limiting. Why not expand our search to include the same singers belting out their own songs and giving us their best "O Face..."

Just kidding about that last one-- we hope. Well, these aren't turning out to be the masterpieces of photography we were expecting. We'll have to fall back on an old standby (as they say), with this photo of national anthem butcher Jessica Simpson, which deserves the caption "A Virgin Demonstrates What An Orgasm Must Be Like."

via Jossip

Related:

Russians Confused By, Not Necessarily Believers in the Female Orgasm

The Face of the Orgasm

Mini-Me Makes Up For Size With Stamina In Bed

Sloppy Seconds: Kate Winslet's Secret

Emily Farris — Fri, 02 Jan 2009 21:33:00 GMT

Things seem to be looking up for Jennifer Hudson this year. Rumor has it, she may be singing the "Star Spangled Banner" for Obama's inauguration. [Radar]

Matt Dillon is facing a possible three months in jail if convicted for driving 103 miles an hour in a 65-mph zone. [Us]

John Travolta's son, Jett, is dead at 16. [Gawker]

Who is Lily Allen's new gray-haired mystery man? [FadedYouth]

The men's room at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport where Larry Craig was arrested for soliciting sex is losing its appeal as a tourist destination. [Queerty]

Like her mother before her, Bristol Palin went straight back to ~~work~~ school days after the birth of her son. Or so her mother would like us to know. [People]

Like us, Kate Winslet does not go to the gym. Unlike us, it works for her. [FameCrawler]

Related:

What's It Like Having Sex With Leonardo DiCaprio?

While You Were Sleeping: Kate Winslet's Underage Sex

Kate Winslet Takes it Off for Vanity Fair

Sloppy Seconds: Ron Wood's Mistress In The Buff

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 21:39:00 GMT

Mrs. Corey Feldman's Playboy shoot and more, after the jump...

If you have a belly button finish, you'll probably be pissed to learn you missed Japan's navel-gazing fest.

Your worst nightmare: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are leaving Hollywood... and may be moving to Your Neighborhood.

Don't worry if you missed the orgy, it didn't turn out to be that great a time.

That nutjob who shot two people during a church performance of "Annie?" His motive wasn't he didn't like liberals. We hope Rush Limbaugh gets sued for wrongful death or ends up going crazy like Jeff Bridges in The Fisher King. Bastards.

Ron Wood, guitar player and real genius behind the current Rolling Stones lineup, almost left his wife of twenty-three-years but luckily got his act together and checked into rehab. The reason he lost his way:

A Democratic legislator from New Jersey has resigned after child porn was found on his computer. His office computer.

An Obama supporter "accidentally" made buttons with the Senator and another famous member of the Chamber: Larry Craig.

Brad Pitt declared war on the stalkers who take photographs of him.

And Susie Feldman, Corey's wife, has done a large Playboy spread that already has the internet hyperventilating. At least in porn land...

The rest of the shoot can be found here.

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture Of Brad Pitt?

Vote In Playboy's Sexiest Female Blogger Poll

Sloppy Seconds: Half-Naked Woman At A Blue Jays Game

Gisele Bundchen's Latest Nude Shoot May Be Her Finest Work Yet

Magazine Fights Censorship With Nude Six-Year-Old Cover Girl

This Week in Gayness: Virginia Accidentally Marries Gay Men

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:10:00 GMT

Many members of the transgender community are upset about the whole "pregnant man" thing. They seem to be almost equally upset with Thomas Beatie, who is due for a C section today, and the media for its giggling and dumbassed portrayal of him.

Hugh Hefner likes boys. Or at least guys. On occasion.

Straight marriage champions Larry Craig and David Vitter have decided that they, among men, are the ones to save the world's most successful institution.

Remember how we told you about the hilarious anti-gay vote in Arizona and how it fell one vote shy? Yeah, you knew Republicans were going to ram it home eventually. After one of the longest sessions in the state's record books, the Senate shoved an anti-gay marriage question onto the election ballot.

Backers of California's own attempt to block gay marriages, known as Proposition 8, have raised $2.3 million, which is a full one million more than the amendment's opponents.

A couple in Virginia, who somehow got married even though they are both men, will luckily not face criminal charges for thinking all men are created equal. The best part of all: one of the men has the last name of McCain.

Antonio E. Blount, 31, and Justin L. McCain, 18, faced misdemeanor false information charges, punishable by a fine up to $250.

Authorities said the couple applied for a license in Newport News Circuit Court in March and passed off McCain as "Justine." Officials realized later that McCain was actually born a man in North Carolina.

Hooray for McCain's Gay Marriage!

Previously:

This Week in Gayness: Gay Men Overdoing It?

Sloppy Seconds: Jolie And Aniston Face Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Perez Hilton claims to have a nonexistent sex life. Perhaps he needs to change his name to something catchier, like a symbol or The Blogger or P. Hilty. Seriously, anything's better than naming yourself after Paris Hilton.

Howard Stern and his girlfriend, possibly the least jealous woman in the world, have set a date. Amazingly, his first marriage spanned decades.

Fark reports on the recent dismissal of a bathroom stall case that should have Larry Craig shuffling for joy... the case has been partially dismissed.

A recent episode of UK's Big Brother sparked hundreds of viewer complaints. Unfortunately, none of them are because the show sucks.

Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are "pitted" against each other for the first time when their movies premiere this October. Not to be outdone, Gwyneth Paltrow plans to make an asinine remark in an interview that day.

And why are we just finding out about the Jenna Fischer nude "Wire" cover, months after the fact? We have an e-mail tipline, people!

While You Were Sleeping: The War on Stretch Marks

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 30 May 2008 15:37:00 GMT

A lawyer is suing Delta for $1 million after the airline took 3 days to get his family to Argentina for their vacation. Of course, Delta never actually got them there-- they had to buy one way tickets from a different airline at a different airport just to get to Buenos Aires in one piece. Kind of makes JetBlue look a little more tempting these days, doesn't it? [Queer Conservative]

Woah! A woman gave birth after having a pregnancy in her ovaries. Yep, and the baby's fine. [CNEWS]

Condoleezza Rice, who claims to have wanted to be a concert pianist before her cheerily authorizing torture, is hanging out in Sweden with Kiss. Yes, the band with Gene Simmons. Rice also said she's "been to four rock concerts" in her entire life-- wow, that's, um, very hip of you, Madame Secretary.

How times have changed in 30 years: more people seem to die everyday in New York City from construction-related disasters than from leathered-out neighborhood gangs weilding wooden bats. [Google News]

Headline of the Day: Not One To Stall For Time, Larry Craig Intends to Tap Out His Memoirs [Fark, obviously]

And Strollerderby relates personal histories about stretch marks in response to the New York Times story about dealing with the little bastards after giving birth. And by little bastards we mean, of course, the stretch marks.

The Name's Life... Pro-Life: Pro-Life Dick For Senate

Katie Halper — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 16:02:00 GMT

An Idaho organic strawberry farmer named Marvin Richardson announced he was running as an independent to fill the U.S. Senate seat left wide, gaping, open by Senator Larry Craig. Richardson, who wants to outlaw abortion and subject abortion doctors to the death penalty, lost his race for Governor in 2006. And, since filling Senator Craig's tapping and wide stance-ing shoes is a daunting task for anyone, a Richardson victory seemed unlikely. But that was before Richardson did what no man before him was brave enough to do... legally change his name from Marvin Richardson to Pro-Life.

Why did the Strawberry farmer/ anti-choice crusader legally drop Marvin and Richardson and change his name to Pro-Life? Well, in all honestly, a lot of people have legally changed their names from Marvin. But Why drop the Richardson and add the Pro-Life? Because Pro-Life would be listed on the ballot as Pro-Life, which Pro Life knows would be great for the Pro Life movement, if not candidate: "You never know when someone is contemplating an abortion.... Just because my name being Pro Life will save babies. I can say this election cycle somebody is going to change their mind about killing their babies." Sounds like a plan! Unfortunately some hater/ baby killer introduced legislation that would require the ballot to say that Pro Life was formerly known as Marvin Richardson. But Pro Life formerly known as Marvin Richardson is such a mouthful and probably doesn't even fit on the notorioiusly small Idahoan ballot. So I propose a compromise: give Pro Life's former last name its traditional nickname: Dick. Pro Life Dick For Senate!

New and Improved Sen. Craig Affair: Now With Audio!

Bryan Christian — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 15:12:00 GMT

How long can audioclips of dudes describing (in sometimes graphic detail) alleged sexual encounters with Sen. Larry Craig possibly stay online? Sure, technically speaking, they'll probably be floating around the web forevermore, but you get the point: if you care at all about weird and discomfiting descriptions of alleged encounters with weird and discomfiting old men, you will run run run to the Idaho Statesman and have a listen before someone tries to do "the right thing" and take 'em down.

We especially like the part where David Phillips characterizes an alleged bout of anal sex with Senator Craig as allegedly becoming "really uncomfortable." Larry Craig: not a sensitive lover? We're allegedly shocked!

Richard Curtis and Larry Craig To Get Apartment on Castro Street

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 14:10:00 GMT

Dude. DUDE!! What the fuck is going on?! We opened the Internet this morning and what did we see? Washington State Representative Richard Curtis has resigned following police reports that a man he'd had sex with was blackmailing him. Of course, Curtis has voted against gay rights in the past. What is in the Congressional water? Why is this happening? Guess it's just life, right? People have gay sex, feel ashamed, and cover it up by voting against gay marriage. Good plan! Deny rights to those who bother to come out at their jobs and with their families while you go ahead and scrounge for men to give you blow jobs in adult bookstores and airport bathrooms. How ridiculous! We'd like to see Richard Simmons give these Congressmen some high kicks to the face.

To Do: Drop off Dry Cleaning, Wash Car, Have "Fumbling, Unremarkable" Sex With Larry Craig

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 19:15:00 GMT

It was only a matter of time before someone came forward with a Larry Craig sexcapade, and here we are with a story about David Phillips, a gay man who claims he had furtive, messy, less-than-thrilling sex with Craig about 20 years ago. The story sounds like it could have happened, but who the hell knows? We're just surprised it took this long to hear a "Larry Craig picked me up for closeted, self-loathing gay sex" story. Jeez, we don't know which of these guys to feel worse for.