Scanner : knocked up

Who Would You Rather: Seth Rogen vs. Seth Rogen?

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:06:00 GMT

Since Sunday's Academy Awards, much ado has been made about Seth Rogen's somewhat dramatic weight loss. And we have to agree. What the fuck, Seth Rogen? Where is that burly bearded man we fell in love with two years ago? Bring him back please. If you think you need some help, come on out to the Midwest where Mama will make you a casserole with eight different kinds of cheese and take away all of your razor blades.

Ladies, are we right or are we right?

P.S. Seth, we were totally going to make you our Bearded Man of the Week for the whole Playboy thing, but now you've gone and ruined it.

Related:

Bearded Men On Craig's List: Or, How We'll Get Scanner Emily To Move Back To NYC

Seth Rogen Dipped His Toes in the Sea of Porn, Decided to Go For a Swim

'Playboy' Picks Its Ninth Play Boy

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

'Rom Coms' Can Ruin Your Love Life, Sound a Lot Dirtier Than They Are

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 17:02:00 GMT

Ladies (and perhaps gentlemen) something you're doing on a regular or semi-regular basis could be ruining your personal life, according to a new study. It's causing you to have unrealistic expectations with it comes to love and impairing your communication with your partner. This thing is the rom com.

Just what is a rom com?

While it sounds like something along the lines of an anal probe or a high-powered vibrator, a rom com is simply a romantic comedy. And some psychologists believe that watching rom coms can affect intimate relationships in pretty significant ways.

They found that fans of films such as Runaway Bride and Hitch often fail to communicate with their partners effectively, with many holding the view that if someone is meant to be with you, then they should know what you want without you needing to tell them.

Psychologists at the Family and Personal Relationships Laboratory at Edinburgh's Heriot Watt University studied 40 top box office hits from 1995-2005.

They included You've Got Mail, Maid In Manhattan, The Wedding Planner and While You Were Sleeping.

Dr Bjarne Holmes said: "Marriage counsellors often see couples who believe that sex should always be perfect, and if someone is meant to be with you then they will know what you want without you needing to communicate it.

"We now have some emerging evidence that suggests popular media play a role in perpetuating these ideas in people's minds.

"The problem is that while most of us know that the idea of a perfect relationship is unrealistic, some of us are still more influenced by media portrayals than we realise."

We're not surprised (though we're more likely to believe that our iPods are playing the soundtrack to our lives), but we're still a little hung up on the term. It just sounds so.... dirty. Are we really that behind the times that we've never heard the term "rom com?" We saw "Sleepless in Seattle" at least 20 times. Maybe we're too young (we were eleven when it came out) or too old. Our old friend Scanner Bryan even threw out the term back in January but we seem to have missed it.

According to Wiktionary, the term was most likely inspired by "sitcom" or situational comedy, for those of you out there who are even younger and/or more dense than we are.

[Press Association: 'Rom coms' can ruin your love life]

Related:

Get Out The Waterproof Mascara: More Chick Flicks Coming Your Way

Video of the Day: "American Psycho" as RomCom

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: The Top 5

Palin's Big Cancer-Causing Purchase

Emily Farris — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Ever wonder how Sarah Palin keeps that beautiful tan even in the cold, Alaska winters? Wonder no more.

Apparently, Mrs. Palin had a tanning bed installed in the Alaska Governor's Mansion so that she, and her artificially brown children, can keep that Florida glow year round.

"She did. She paid for it with her own money," Roger Wetherell, chief communications officer of Alaska's Department of Transportation and Public Facilities told Us Weekly.

Not surprising, considering Palin is a former beauty queen. We all know that in the beauty queen world pale equals ugly. And probably poor. Bristol probably would have had no chance at getting knocked up had she been all pasty and shit.

We wonder how her running mate, John McCain, who has twice battled skin cancer, feels about all this...

[Us: Sarah Palin Installed Tanning Bed at Governor's Mansion]

Related:

Top 5 Rumors We'd Like to Start About Sarah Palin... But Won't

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Sloppy Seconds: It's Hailin' Palin

We Will Totally Crap Our Pants if Bristol Palin Pops Out a Mixed Race Baby

Is Bristol Palin now Bristol Palin-Johnston?

Rumor Mongering: The Palin Kids

**Palin's Grandbaby Daddy: Self-Proclaimed F*cking Redneck**

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 14:02:00 GMT

This is nothing against Sarah Palin-- after all, all GOP candidates are a little bit frightening, a little bit awesome in their determination and genuine will to make the world a better place-- but is she doomed?

No one here in Minneapolis is even talking about the convention. Every conversation at every restaurant in town is centered around one question: what's going to happen to Governor Palin, what with all these rumors and controversies that are swirling around her...

First, there was this e-mail, which we received from reader profrobert on Friday, alerting us to the possibility that Palin's fifth daughter, born less than five months ago, is not hers.

But what would be even more incredible is if it's NOT true: http://www.ktuu.com/global/story.asp?s=8194634

This means her water broke in Texas. She hung around to give a 30-minute speech. She then went to the airport and GOT ON A PLANE. TO ALASKA. I don't know where she was in Texas, but DFW-ANC non-stop is a seven-hour flight.

He makes a great point: who is this person who has her water break and then waits around not only to give a speech but for a plane to take her across most of the entire fucking continent. Her husband claims that a) they just wanted the baby to be 100% Alaskan and b) that his daughter's five month or so absence from school was the result of a bad case of mono. Suuuuuuure it was...

So, of course, the liberal blogosphere goes batshit over the story but no mainstream media outlet wants anything to do with it. Gustav sweeps Palin off the front pages, then the RNC delay further buries the rumors. Meanwhile, Palin is at a rally where she doesn't address the rumors but causes another stir by saying:

“Then we have our daughter Bristol, she’s on the bus with the newborn, and then we have our daughter Willow, who is here, and our youngest daughter Piper,” Ms. Palin said as she introduced her family. “On that bus we have our son, Trig, who is a beautiful baby boy we welcomed into the world just in April..."

Of course, Palin's phrasing would've been completely normal under any other circumstances. But conspiracy theorists flipped again, saying Palin wasn't even saying the words "her" and "baby" one after the other, implying that perhaps Palin is setting herself up to eventually confess to lying. Meanwhile, photos showing that Palin had no baby bump during her pregnancy were all deleted from the Governor's official websites. (We are trying our best to stay out of this, but must add that we defy anyone to locate photos of Palin in the nine months leading up to April 2008 in which she appears pregnant. As soon as an un-Photoshopped photo comes our way, we'll believe her version of the events.)

Then, the bigger story: Palin announces the same daughter is currently five month's pregnant, thus ruling out the possibility of Bristol having already given birth just a few months ago. And while we believe this, again, it doesn't rule out the possibility that Palin is lying: after all, no one is going to ask her to prove conception date. For all we know, she's really only a few months pregnant and that, by the time the baby's born, it will be too late for anyone to stop Palin from becoming Vice President because of the lie. (Side note: Bristol's boyfriend is a self-proclaimed "redneck" who says on his MySpace profile that he doesn't want kids. Wonderful.)

Meanwhile, the Troopergate story (as winking bloggers are referring to it), the mere mention of which earned us a drubbing from her supporters in a previous post, has knocked the pregnancy story off the front pages, albeit for a fairly innocus reason: Palin just now hired a lawyer to defend her in the two-month old investigation. Hmmm....

In any case, the liberal HuffPo has realized Palin is a weak spot on the ticket (we've heard that from numerous fence sitters among the Minneapolis public.) Here's what their front page looked like in the wee hours of this morning:

... TOP GOP GOVERNOR: I'VE HEARD NO DISCUSSION ABOUT REMOVING MS. PALIN FROM THE TICKET ...

'Fringe' Alaskan Secessionist Party: Palin Was A Member... Almost Recalled As Mayor... Directed Fundraising For Indicted Senator's 527... Troopergate Scandal... Calls Iraq A War For Oil... Admits She Hasn't 'Really Focused On Iraq'... Alaska National Guard General: Palin Plays No Role In National Defense... 17 Year-Old Daughter Pregnant...

Also, did you guys hear the Fox News commentator and others pick up the talking point that Palin has "national security experience" because Alaska is "so close to" Russia? What? That's like saying Scanner Nicole and I have foreign policy experience because we're located near Denmark.

All this adds up to one thing: Palin, as a VP candidate, is in trouble. The rumors we're hearing from reliable GOP sources center on two possibilities: 1) Palin may drop out, citing family commitments, and time this withdrawal so that McCain's second choice will be accepted without question by GOP leadership, for fear of losing the election if they don't immediately unite or 2) Palin will continue to cause McCain problems to the point where he will drop Palin himself, but in favor of a female candidate or even Joe Lieberman.

While both seem highly unlikely events, either of them is much less far-fetched now than they were even 24 hours ago...

We'll have more on this story during the next two days of convention coverage...

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Scanner Roundtable: What Did We Think About The DNC & Obama's Speech?

RNC Day One: Total Anarchy

7 Tips For Getting Knocked Up

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 14:39:00 GMT

Or... if you're like us.. you're trying not to get somebody pregnant... either way, these tips are important to remember...

-The more you know about your menstrual cycle, the easier it will be for you to pinpoint your most fertile days

-You're at your most fertile during the five days leading up to and the 12 hours following ovulation.

-Researchers have found that a suction effect is created when the female partner achieves orgasm, something that causes the cervix to draw sperm into the vagina more efficiently.

Great. As if guys need another reason not to bring a woman to orgasm. (Of course, if you're trying to have a baby, ignore this ignorant remark.)

-Avoid vaginal sprays, scented tampons and artificial lubricants, all of which may interfere with your babymaking plans.

-It's a good idea to remain in a horizontal position for at least five minutes after you've finished making love.

-Studies have shown that it takes normal, fertile couples an average of six months to conceive, and most doctors consider anything up to one year to be well within the range of normal.

You can read more from author Ann Douglas, including more detailed explanations of the above, at this site.

Related:

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Prostitute Raid

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Was Nicole Kidman Ever Really Pregnant?

Sloppy Seconds: The Million-Dollar Strip Club Buy

Hey Film Industry: "Abortion" is Not a Bad Word, Mmmkay?

Emily Farris — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 19:24:00 GMT

When we saw Knocked-Up last summer, we laughed a lot, sure, but we also got angry at times, because we kept thinking: this story does not end this way. Wouldn't the successful girl abort the stoner's baby after a sloppy one-night stand? But while Judd Apatow was beating around the bush, Romanian writer-director Christian Mungiu went there in 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days. We're guessing you know what that series represents...

The year is 1987, when Romania is still under the nightmarish police-state rule of Ceausescu and abortions are highly illegal. Nonetheless, college student Otillia (played by Anamaria Marinca) agrees to accompany her pregnant roommate, Gabita, to a man who will terminate her pregnancy. It’s a bleakly comic — but mostly bleak — journey that takes Otillia across a Bucharest ravaged by Communism, leading her to an utterly devastating decision about how far she’ll go to help a friend. Whatever your opinions about abortion, by the end of 4 Months, 3 Weeks and 2 Days, you’ll be grateful you live in a country where we can make such frothy movies (like Knocked Up and Juno) about such a serious subject.

[Via Very Short List]

Related:

Abortion Issue Heats Up... For The GOP

Send Flowers to Your Abortion Doctor

Abortion Rates are the Lowest They've Been in 30 Years and Nobody Knows Why?

Roe v. Wade 35 Years Later

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

Abortion Issue Heats Up... For The GOP

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 21 May 2008 17:00:00 GMT

On the same day a Virginia court struck down a state anti-abortion law as unconstitutional, a GOP primary in the most competitive Congressional district in Oregon saw a stunning upset...

CQ Politics reported this morning that

Businessman Mike Erickson won his party’s nomination for a second time in two years Tuesday, but an ongoing scandal casts a pall over his victory and could hamper one of the GOP’s best shots at picking up a Democratic House seat in the fall.

What was this shocking scandal that nearly doomed the Republican stalwart? We'll give you a hint: it has to do with abortion...

Mannix sent out an e-mail claiming Erickson had once driven a girlfriend to an abortion clinic and paid for her to terminate a pregnancy. Erickson has admitted to having a relationship with the woman, giving her a ride and giving her money, but claims he didn’t know the money was for an abortion. Both Mannix and Erickson ran as anti-abortion candidates. [CQ Politics]

Sorry, bub, not buyin' that one. We'll gladly meet you at the polls in November, when your ass is grass...

Sloppy Seconds: Sexy Round-Ups

Emily Farris — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 20:01:00 GMT

Tis the season for the sexy round-up.. and lots of sloppy seconds as we need to get busy using those seventeen Old Navy gift cards we got for Christmas. While we're all bundled up in performance fleece we'll continue to consider the fact that though Seth Rogen is almost our type, we realize the absurdity of his picture appearing in an item called "Sexy Round-Ups." But you know, good for him, right?

The San Francisco Gate rounds up the top 10 sex memes of 2007, including celebrity sex tapes that go straight to DVD.
Salon rounds up the year in sex. "So seriously, you're 28, you've just gotten a promotion, and you get pregnant by that Seth Rogen dude: Do you have that baby? Fuck, no!!!!"

Yeaaahhh... that's about all we have for that category today.

Is US Weekly Being Sexist?

Emily Farris — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 18:08:00 GMT

Yesterday we joked that we were no better than US Weekly. Now we're beginning to rethink that statement (not that we ever took it too seriously).

US is currently running a poll on their website asking if Katherine Heigl is "being ungrateful" for talking to Vanity Fair about her perception that Judd Apatow's "Knocked Up" was a little sexist.

We kind-of feel like if ~~the tables were turned and~~ George Clooney was going around saying that some movie he was in was "a bit misogynistic" US would be praising him for speaking up for women or some shit. But that's just us...

Does Katherine Heigl Think Judd Apatow is "Sexist?"

Emily Farris — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 18:07:00 GMT

When we saw "Knocked Up" over the summer, we had just broken up with a stoner boyfriend who too closely resembled Seth Rogen's character, Ben. So much so, that while we got a few laughs over the freakishly hairless prosthetic vagina, we probably had far too much of an emotional reaction to the movie. We kept saying to ourselves and others, "That story does not end that way." Because, in our experience, it did not. A few months later, when "Knocked Up" came up in conversation (and it most certainly did on many occasions), we were able to have a less emotional, more critical opinion -- chiefly, why would a smart, successful, beautiful, single woman keep the baby of a smelly stoner she only screwed because she was drunk? Apparently, the film's female lead, Katherine Heigl, agrees. In the January issue of Vanity Fair, she says she thought the movie was "a little sexist" and said, “It paints the women as shrews, as humorless and uptight, and it paints the men as lovable, goofy, fun-loving guys." True that, Kate.

[Via Defamer]