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While You Were Sleeping: Kirsten Dunst Off the Deep End

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 15:49:00 GMT

A very lame-looking Jim Carrey movie based on a superior autobiography opened with a mere $18 million.

Teachers can't keep banging teenagers.

A registered sex offender volunteering at the post office is the reason the Letters to Santa operation was suspended last week. It will be up and running, in a modified version, with enough time for this week's mailings.

The brand of shoe thrown at Bush has since big numbers since the incident.

CNN killed the crawl.

Amy Winehouse is out of the hospital and back out on the streets.

Why is Saudi Arabia forcing an eight-year-old girl to remain married to a fifty-eight-year-old man?

And Kirsten Dunst is, according to the Superficial, trying "to fill the void left by Tara Reid," who recently checked into rehab.

[S]omeone has to become Hollywood's once-aspiring actress who can't keep her face out of the drink. Enter Kirsten Dunst. Here she is drunkenly leaving Bardot last night with her male companion The Cosby Sweater Bandit.

While You Were Sleeping: Scrubs & Friends

Eliza Dushku Set For Fame Thanks To This Sex Scene

While You Were Sleeping: Khloe Kardashian Looks Weird Naked

Sloppy Seconds: How Sarah Palin Brought a Litte Heaven Into Our Lives

Emily Farris — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Do we sound like your mother when we say that Kirsten Dunst looks so much cuter without a cigarette attached to her face? [Faded Youth]

Clay Aiken addressed his seemingly homophobic Claymates—he's the same old Gay Aiken he's always been. [MollyGood]

We want to eat Suri Cruise. Really. She's so fucking cute. [INF]

Remember when we said chastity belts were bad? Paris Hilton wants kids. Now. [People]

We're not the only ones watching Saturday Night Live just to see what Sarah Palin skit Tina Fey will do next. [Yahoo!]

In case you missed it, here's a clip from Saturday Night Live. Is this our reward in Heaven? [NBC]

Hot or Not: Lingerie Football League?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 08 Sep 2008 16:34:00 GMT

In a move that team owners are calling "True Fantasy Football," some burly middle-aged guys think they have unleashed the greatest new sport.

Forget the XFL. Forget Arena Football or even boring College Football. (We have.) The real threat to the NFL's stranglehold on the pigskin is a gimmick that combines dreaming about Victoria's Secret models and the other favorite male pastime: watching football on your fat ass...

Perhaps you heard about the Lingerie Bowl, taking place as a sort of alternative halftime show near the stadiums where the Super Bowl is held? Well, apparently, the virus is spreading... the LFL (as it may or may not be called in shorthand) has turned itself into a full-on league, with ten franchise teams and a major Lingerie Bowl in Tampa next year. As if Florida is in enough danger from criminals who host yard sales consisting of electronics they stole from their next door neighbors, a closeted homosexual Republican governor who pretends to be getting married, hurricanes, butterfly ballots, and a flooded coastline, they now have lingerie-clad football players helping usher in the apocalypse.

Then again, if this is what the apocalypse looks like, there's a soundbite that George W. Bush once stole from a Kirsten Dunst movie that we think might be appropriate here...

Some images via The Superficial, most of the bad ones via the actual LFL site.

Related:

Sloppy Seconds: Eva Longoria's Lingerie Past

Making Stripteases A Cinch: Dita Von Teese Shills For Wonderbra

Scanner Highs And Lows: Battle of the Sexies

While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Lady Lingerie Controversy

Scanner Highs And Lows: Nudie Shoot City

Welcome To The Wonderful World Of Naked Rugby

While You Were Sleeping: Ciara's Naked Vibe Cover

16 Manic Pixie Dream Girls and One Truly Terrifying Elisha Cuthbert

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 19:01:00 GMT

The Onion has an excellent list of 16 Manic Pixie Dream Girls in film. What is the Manic Pixie Dream Girl, you ask? According to the AV Club:

Nathan Rabin coined the phrase "Manic Pixie Dream Girl" to describe that bubbly, shallow cinematic creature that "exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life and its infinite mysteries and adventures."

Yes. We are familiar with this Manic Pixie Dream Girl. She looks like Peter Pan and acts like your 7-year-old cousin if your 7-year-old cousin drank, wore perfume and listened to The Shins on her iPod. (I mean, we assume that she does not do these things.)

So, this is a ubiquitous and annoying character-type. One that, according to the list, is ruthlessly exploited in the upcoming Elisha Cuthbert film My Sassy Girl. We had not heard about the American remake of Korean rom-com My Sassy Girl, but after watching the preview we have officially given up on life. From what we can tell, Cuthbert's character may be a sloppy, drunken sadist, but since she's blonde and wears unusual sweaters she deserves love rather than a restraining order. Watch the preview and just try not to throw your computer down a well.

For the thousandth and final time, hitting, kicking, pinching and slapping are not appropriate ways to show affection once you've graduated from kindergarten.

Sloppy Seconds: Are Donna and David Still Married?

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 May 2008 21:56:00 GMT

Wow, we knew Rachael Ray was an obnoxious freak, but a terrorist? [LA Times]

Have we mentioned how screwed R. Kelly is? [MTV]

If we ever get in a fight on the street, we hope we have a box of moon pies readily available to use as a weapon, too. [KansasCity.com]

The good people at Fleshbot would like you to meet Vicktoria, the world's hottest amputee, and so would we. [Fleshbot]

After watching the trailer we want to see "He's Just Not That Into You" more than we want to see the "Sex and the City" movie. Who'da thunk it? [Entertainment Weekly]

Apparently we're the only ones: the SATC movie opened to much hullaballoo last night. [Yahoo!]

Kirsten Dunst claims she checked into Cirque Lodge treatment center for depression, not drugs. Aaaaand, nobody's buying it. [Jossip]

Okay, apparently Tori Spelling really is coming back to 90210.. as... Donna Martin. We imagine David would have dumped her ass by now, but nobody knows! [People]

Sloppy Seconds: Kirsten Dunst Goes Off The Deep End

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 16 May 2008 21:17:00 GMT

Relax, everyone, Halle Berry is not engaged to her baby daddy Gabriel Aubry. (P.S. ...yet.) Thank God, since she's one of the last hotties still almost not-quite available; as for Beyonce, she may be pregnant... and we heard she might be married.

Perhaps inspired by the Barbara Walters book and her startling reveleations, other elderly people are getting in on the dated-a-future-famous-person memoir. And we might actually read it.

MTV wants you to "meet" the R. Kelly jury. What do we care? He's going to get off, one way or another...

Kathie Lee Gifford is back and pissed that The View is more tolerable than her own show.

And finally, have a great weekend, but try not to have the weekend Kirsten Dunst will have:

[She] was allegedly seen drinking and dancing with pals - including The Strokes' Fabrizio Moretti - at a local bar. A source tells U.S. magazine Star, "She got worse as the night went on. She started out pretty chilled, but hours later she was dancing and jumping like a crazed animal. She indulged in any guy who would have her attention. She also went up to several guys and started flirting with them hard-core. She was just completely out of it. It was obvious that whatever happened in rehab didn't stick." [IMDB]

While You Were Sleeping: Somebody Had Her Hands All Over Our Man Ryan Gosling

Emily Farris — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 14:37:00 GMT

We finally listened to a track from Scarlett Johansson's Tom Waits cover album. It's actually not the worst thing we've ever heard, but we think with all that fancy production, we could do it, too. (Why are we so reluctant to think she's a good singer?) [Spinner]

Another Lohan is about to be unleashed on the world. [People]

President Bush has turned to Deal or No Deal for help with the federal budget. [Us Weekly]

Hey ladies, Kayne West is single again. [Us Weekly]

Is one of the Sex and the City characters going to kick the bucket in the upcoming movie? [Star]

Oh no she didn't! It is so going down, Kirsten Dunst. You and Ryan Gosling? Okay, we actually think you'd make a really cute couple if we didn't want him all to ourselves. [Gabby Babble]

Sloppy Seconds: Lindsay Lohan and Kirsten Dunst Found Love in Rehab, And So Can You

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 22:33:00 GMT

Kirsten Dunst may have found her newst boyfriend in rehab—and at the same clinic where Lindsay Lohan hooked up with Riley Giles. Maybe it's time for a little vacay from the whiskey?

Speaking of Lindsay, she would like you to remember that she's much more than an actress, nude model and party girl. Bitch can sing. Or so she says. We've never actually heard her sing beyond "Santa Baby" in Mean Girls, but that wasn't so bad.

The New Yorker's "Talk of the Town" explores the history of the everything bagel, but does not explain why coffee shops and restaurants don't order more everything than everything else. They're always gone by noon. And not just on Sundays. Today we had our egg sandwich on a sesame bagel, which was fine, but it would have been so much better on an everything bagel!

Gary Gygax, co-creator of Dungeons & Dragons is dead at 69. We still don't really know what Dungeons & Dragons is, and we're kind-of proud of that.

Snow for breakfast: no longer as simple as don't eat the yellow stuff.

Kirsten Dunst in Rehab

Emily Farris — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 15:58:00 GMT

This is just about as shocking as hearing that Eva Mendes is being treated for alcohol addiction: Kirsten Dunst checked herself into the Cirque Lodge clinic in Utah, where Mendes is "staying." Good for her for voluntarily seeking help before flashing her bits around town and ending up on the cover of gossip rags for her wild partying. We've always thought Kirsten was cute, stylish, sweet and smart, and a few starlets could take a lesson from her. We wish Kirsten the best and hope that the blogs don't pick on her too much. And come on, it's not like you never had a time in your life when someone was worried you were an alcoholic. If we had the time and money, a week or two relaxing at a "lodge clinic" might have done us some good a few times in our past.

[The Sun: Kirsten the latest rehab star]