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While You Were Sleeping: Weekend Weddings

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 15:52:00 GMT

Someone has been posing as a thirteen-year-old Australian girl on the internet and posting nude photos, license plates, and phone numbers online predators. Unsurprisingly, the cops want to do the job themselves.

Censorship reigns supreme in America, even in art galleries.

What's worse than getting married at a Waffle House? Getting married at Taco Bell.

Roland Burris-- forgotten footnote or future Senator? History will be decided today.

What happens when you're Elvis Costello and you're on tour with The Clash and the Damned? Painful pranks.

Charlotte Church is old enough to have a baby? Holy God, we must be getting old.

A man solved a Rubik's Cube... after 26 years of trying. We're not supporters of just giving up when something doesn't work, but...

'Til Death will return for a fourth season.

Prince Harry apologized for calling someone a "raghead" and another a "Paki."

And Kevin Costner was in the hospital while, on an unrelated note, Fergie got married in Malibu.

Top 5 Susan Sarandon Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 22:02:00 GMT

In putting together this week's Top 5 Sex Scenes list, we rediscovered a lost gem... and decided against subjecting you to a clip from The Rocky Horror Picture Show, for which you should thank us...

#5: Pretty Baby. Until today, we had entirely forgot Sarandon was even in this movie... and, of course, that she was naked in it, touching her boobs with a wet finger. Yummy white powder.

#4: The Hunger. We've done this one to death... but how could you ever forgive us for leaving this off Susan Sarandon's list?

S Sarandon - Hunger

#3 & #2: Bull Durham. This one's a twofer, obviously. Who, in seeing this film, didn't run immediately home and knock everything off their kitchen counter/table for an evening of wild sex? And who among the single men who watched this movie didn't go home and knock everything off their table, just for the hell of it?

#1: White Palace. What is up with that sandwich? And why does it take her three seconds to get off once she's on top of him? These are just a small sample of the questions that a movie as bizarre and forgettable as White Palace will leave you with. Only the memory of this sex scene will keep you from having wasted your time.

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Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

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Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes - the Sequel

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All-Time: 50-41

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 18:41:00 GMT

This summer, we gave you the 50 Sexiest Albums of All-Time in an effort to help the music industry's sluggish sales numbers. Now, we present an even sexier compendium-- complete with a few NSFW scenes to warm up your November afternoon-- as well as background and trivia and everything else that we can think of to convince you to rent these the next time you want to seduce somebody...

The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 50-41

50. The Seven Year Itch. Backstory: What more do you need than this, Marilyn Monroe's famous subway grate encounter? Trivia: It has the Joe DiMaggio Seal of Disapproval-- the scene was so sexy, her husband (that guy from the Mrs. Robinson song) fled and never came back. Irnoically, the skirt blowing up? Deleted from the movie itself. Luckily, the rest of the film is brimming with unconsummated sexuality.

49. Casablanca. Backstory: Not even the sexiest movie from 1943, this earns its place here for the most romantic scene in movie history, in our opinion. Watching Bogie decide to do the right thing and send the love of his life off on a plane with her husband is so damn manly of him that, at the mere reminder of this moment, our gonads hang in shame. Trivia: The original ending came very closed to being changed thank to the Allied invasion of Casablanca just before the film was to be released.

48. Cruel Intentions. Backstory: Is it wrong to choose this over Les Liaisons Dangereuses, its predecessor? No, for while Liaisons did have a notable sex scene featuring the breasts of Uma Thurman, it also featured the tongue of John Malkovich and didn't really capture our (sexual) interest throughout. Oddly enough, the sinister and more overt incestuous teasing Sarah Michelle Gellar puts Ryan Phillipe through kept us glued to this otherwise merely grade-B adaptation of the famed French novel. Trivia: The sequel was originally planned as a TV series called Manchester Prep; here's how bad it was: when Fox decided it was too risque for their radical right-wing mindsets, the producers simply slapped the first three episodes together, added a nude scene, and released it straight to video. Yep, it's that good... [NSFW naughtiness starting after the 40-second mark.]

47. Midnight Cowboy. Backstory: If you're over the age of 12, you've hopefully done your civic duty and watched the only (then-)rated X movie to win Best Picture. If you haven't, stop reading and add it to your queue at once. If you've already seen it, then you know the hilarious sex scenes and sexual tension between Jon Voight and Dustin Hoffman are only two of the reasons it helped to usher in a new dawn of gritty Hollywood filmmaking. Trivia: The film's famous party scene includes actual Warhol Superstars and the script was written by the great blacklisted writer Waldo Salt.

46. Flashdance. Backstory: While dancing in a lousy Pittsburgh bar and dreaming of studying at a nearby conservatory, Jennifer Beals meets the owner of a steel mill, where she also works. The two gradually fall in love... and yeah, you read Cinderella? You're tired of bad 80s music? Then you don't need this film. What you do need is this clip below... Trivia: The script was co-written by Joe Eszterhas, who went on to pen Showgirls and Basic Instinct.

45. Body Heat. Backstory: Hey, remember when Kathleen Turner used to be hot? We don't either-- although many people swear by the steamy Southern tale of murder, betrayal, and other cliched Hollywood plot twists. Trivia: Who cares about trivia? Watch this scene of unrestrained animal lust, which almost makes you forget it involves William Hurt and Kathleen Turner. [NSFW almost immediately.]

44. No Way Out. Backstory: Sean Young's character is so magnificiently attractive, not only does Kevin Costner risk life and life to sleep with her, but Gene Hackman ends up doing a terrible thing in rage because of her. (We won't say what it is, but here's a hint: they give it away on the back cover of the DVD, those idiots.) Trivia: This is the only film on this list that includes a sex scene in a movie vehicle. Also, nobody ever looked as good as Sean Young (!) does in that early party scene. Never ever. [NSFW almost immediately.]

43. Goldfinger. Backstory: It's fucking James Bond, yo, so there's your backstory. This is the one with Pussy Galore and all her hot young pilots, Shirley Eaton wearing only gold body paint, plus Sean Connery at his peak. Trivia: The Aston Martin spy car was introduced in this film and was such a successful inclusion it insured many films had donated product placements from them on.

42. Bound. Backstory: Jennifer Tilly and Gina Gershon make sex movie, yas. Trivia: This movie had a major cult following in the days before internet porn took off, and probably still does to this day. At one time, the phenomenon reached such a fever pitch, the following clip topped several Best Sex Scene Polls. The rest of the movie is pretty randy, too. [NSFW starting around the 4-minute mark.]

41. Bull Durham. Backstory: Who knew North Carolinans had such hot sex and great minor league sports teams? Trivia: The sex was so spectacular, Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon decided to keep it going in real life... and they still do, or so we're told. Also, if you look closely, the note that Costner sends over to Sarandon doesn't say “I want to make love to you.” It says, “Wanna fuck this time?” And one more: Kurt Russell, who played minor league ball at one time, was originally set to star. [NSFW starts after a few minutes, then continues through two consecutive sex scenes.]

To be continued... your suggestions, as always, are welcome in the comments section.

Top 5 Sex Scenes From TV Shows

Top 5 Lesbian Sex Scenes

Lizzy Caplan And Her HBO Porn Show Still Terrible, Terribly Hot

Hot Teacher Caught After Three-Year Affair With Female Student

Top 5 Sex Scenes From the 1990s

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 20:25:00 GMT

This could've been a Top 5 Scenes with Antonio Banderas list, he was in so many sexy movies after Mambo Kings broke him in America... but we'll spare you that and only use a few of his films for this, our totally incomplete list of the hottest sex in mainstream movies in the decade that time forgot...

5. Desperado. We're tempted to make an Eagles joke here (something about "coming to your senses and just enjoy the sex for what it is"), but we won't put this one down. Despite the cheesy Cinemax lighting and softcore porn music, it's still memorable... which says more about Salma Hayek's boobs than anything else...

4. Never Talk To Strangers. Here's Antonio again, just coincidentally, we swear. If it wasn't for the cage, this sex scene would be totally laughable. Well, we'll admit it's still eyeroll-enducing... but that never stopped us from enjoying it in all its three-minute glory.

3. The Doom Generation. Although this video is strangely without sound, it's much better than the other clips we've been able to find. (Try searching on YouTube and you'll get the bathtub scene coupled with a Nine Inch Nails song that doesn't help.)

2. Wild At Heart. This is David Lynch's award-winning creeper from the early part of the decade. Would it be redundant then, since we mentioned it's a Lynch film, to mention the sex scene is arousing and somehow weird without even trying?

Video plays automatically, so it's linked here. Don't miss it.

1. Basic Instinct. This is the unrated version of the most famous sex scene of the decade, a version we find surprisingly less appealing. In the interest of full disclosure: this is the best sex scene of all-time. Period. And Howard Stern agrees, so it's not just me...

Runner Ups: Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down (would have made this list if we could've found the scene online), Revenge, Sliver (nah), and a few more from the comments section of this post (have at it.)

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Three's a Crowd: Kevin Costner Goes Country

Emily Farris — Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:03:00 GMT

It appears Jessica Simpson and ~~Hootie~~ Darius Rucker aren't the only ones who've gone country.

Actor Kevin Costner will fulfill his "longtime dream" this November when he releases his first country album with his band Modern West.

Don't get us wrong; we love country music. In fact we play in a country band. It's just contemporary country music that makes us want to shove our Dingo boots (both of them) up someone's ass to make the bad lyrics stop. Considering his band has already played a NASCAR event, it just might be one of those.

The bright side: the album can't be worse than Waterworld... right?

[People: Kevin Costner Goes Country with a New Album]

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OMG: For the First Time, Like, Ever, We Totes Agree With Jessica Simpson

Carla Bruni Sings Of Sex With 30 Men

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Carla Bruni Sings Of Sex With 30 Men

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 12 Jun 2008 13:30:00 GMT

On French First Lady Carla Bruni's new album, out next month in her home country, the singer muses how she's still a "child despite [her] 40 years and 30 lovers," lovers that include Mick Jagger and Kevin Costner.

Among the album's other revelations-- she likes to talk about doing drugs. A lot. One line we've read a lot of press about is "You are my drug. More lethal than heroin from Afghanistan and more dangerous than Colombian cocaine." The song is not about President Sarkozy... or about drugs... but whatever. The Socialists will still try to bring down her husband's administration-- the country is sick to death of hearing about these two and, unlike in the United States where Paris Hilton seems to grow stronger, bolder with each new guffaw, this kind of publicity and scandal has served to dampen the politican's approval ratings. As of post time, Sarkozy has set the record for lowest approval ratings in French history.

Ouch.

Here's some more about Carla's solo album. Can Michelle Obama's groovy R&B-infused debut be far behind?