Scanner : kentucky

This Week in Gayness: McDonald's Hates Gays... Again

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:45:00 GMT

Wal-Mart CEO Mike Duke just gave us another reason to hate his awful company-- he signed a petition to ban gay adoptions in Arkansas.

A gay porn star attending college has received a reported 150 hate e-mails from so-called "good Christians."

Bigots like Rick Warren and Sarah Palin are among Time's 100 Most Influential People.

Moron Republican Congressman Steve King thinks gays wouldn't get "bashed" so much if they just stopped acting so gay (never mind that many hate crime victims are straight people mistaken for homosexuals.) Jon Stewart, thankfully, had something to say about this.

Kudos to Britain for banning hatemonger and violence-inciting shout machine Michael Savage from entering their country ever again.

A McDonald's in Kentucky settled with two patrons who were called "faggots" by restaurant staff.

By the way, we heard that the Democratic Governor of New Hampshire might veto the gay marriage bill. Anyone else heard this?

The most trusted Mom(s) in America? Portia and Ellen:

With 31%, Ellen DeGeneres and Portia De Rossi took the top spot. Rounding out the list were Jennifer Aniston (22%), Rachel Ray (20%), Angelina and Brad (18%) and coming in last was Oprah Winfrey with 9%. [Strollerderby]

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This Week in Gayness: Men's Magazines

Apparently, Florida Doesn't Want You to Learn How to Have Great Sex

This Week in Gayness: Gay Conversions Under Attack

You Can Take the Boy Out of Chelsea...

The Gaythering Storm Against Anti-Gay Organization NOM

The Erin Brockovich of Private Eyes: Ordinary Citizen Almost Singlehandedly Solves Forgotten Murder

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:26:00 GMT

Susan Galbreath has a story to tell that would make one helluva good Meryl Streep-Angelina Jolie-type Oscar-bait vehicle. You can bet they'll figure out how to screw this one up, by bringing in romance, character flaws that insult her gender, and annoying plot holes.

In an extraordinary six-page Times (UK) story, which we'll summarize below, an English reporter discusses how this extraordinarily resilient person took on ineffective law enforcement, stalkers, killers, and-- worst of all-- failing marriages over a seven-year period to finally bring a psychotic killer and his conspirators to justice...

Back in 2000, Galbreath came across the body of a nineteen-year-old girl. The woman had been raped, strangled, and raped again repeatedly after her death, then burned beyond recognition. (Her parents identified her by her jewelry and other small indicators.) The initial police investigation failed to bring about a credible suspect and the story disappeared. Galbreath didn't care about her marriage, which was failing, and her general lack of interest in work and socializing. She befriended a reporter and lured him to Kentucky to help her investigate. The two interviewed suspects and fed their information to the police, who were either working closely with the gumshoes or ignoring them as a couple of crackpots, depending on who was in charge of the basically-forgotten case at the time.

Eventually, Galbreath was on her own. She set up a MySpace page as a tribute to the deceased and noticed that one MySpace user in the area was a person of interest-- a woman who had fled the area amid rumors she was involved in the murder. Galbreath played dumb and contacted her as if at random to ask her to contribute to the page as an area resident. It was the straw that whipped that camel's ass, and the person of the interest soon started spilling her guts out of nowhere. The MySpace user turned out to be an accomplice with a guilty conscience and later told the police how it all went down: the psycho had picked up his victim in a car full of drunk and drugged-out partiers, hit her over the head with a baseball bat, and had his conspiring female friends, of which the MySpace user was one, cover up the crime by dumping and burning the body.

18-year-old Jessica Currin had been walking home after a dullish Saturday evening at her friend’s house when she was stopped and given a lift in a car driven by Quincy Omar Cross, a 31-year-old layabout, serial hard-drug user and sexual offender. Also in the car, in a heavily drug-induced party mood, were four others – one man and three girls in their late teens.
Once she was inside the large, white, old Cadillac, Cross immediately began to sexually assault Jessica, aided by one of the girls. All four had been using cocaine, Ecstasy and alcohol. When Jessica resisted, Cross smashed a small baseball bat into the back of her head.

After several years on the (unpaid) job, Galbreath's work ultimately came down to the one chance MySpace message, but she wasn't fazed by all that lost time. Now the budding detective wants to get her PI license and has since found the love of her life and peace. At last.

Read the much more coherent (and epic) full tale here.

"Fairbanks Man Gets Plea Deal, Wedding"

Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part One)

Italy's Woman of the Year Acting the Part of the Crazed Sex Fiend in Court

The Kinky Sex Murder At ABC News Radio

KFC Employees Found Finger Lickin' Clean in the Kitchen

Emily Farris — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 15:17:00 GMT

Two KFC employees have been fired in Anderson, CA after photographs of them with another female employee bathing in the fast food chain's kitchen sink were posted on MySpace in an album titled "KFC Moments." Captions included "haha KFC showers!" and "haha we turned on the jets." Haha. We bet you did.

We have two things to say about this: 1. it's going to be a long time before we eat at KFC again (not that any of the food even sees the sink before it goes into our mouths) and 2. we are so, so glad MySpace didn't exist when we 14 and working at Chinese Delight in the Independence Center.

Some of the KFC Moments—which we really hope are not kiddie porn—after the jump.

All the grease in those sinks has got to be bad for their skin, no? And why were only two fired? Perhaps the third was banging the manager.

Related:

Sophie Monk Has A KFC Relapse

Sloppy Seconds: Topless Chicks Arrested At KFC

PETA and the Real Dolls

Who Would You Rather: 50 Cent vs. Taco Bell

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While You Were Sleeping: Will Smith's Milestone

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 13:22:00 GMT

Poor Natalie Portman. She moved from New York to LA to be with Devendra Banhart, only to see the relationship fall apart.

Check out the full clip of John McCain turning Letterman down yesterday to "rush back to Washington"... and ending up on another CBS show.

We thought about not telling you about this one...

A man who woke up from a circumcision procedure to discover his penis had been cut off is suing doctors.
Philip Seaton went to be circumcised at a hospital in Louisville, Kentucky last October, but awoke to find his penis had been amputated.
He also said he has lost the enjoyment of life, according to the lawsuit.

Some of our readers don't enjoy the comedy of Wanda Sykes. They obviously didn't see her on Leno the other night.

Philadelphia exploded a suspicious package... of hot dogs.

The serial killer who bumped off approximately 23 people, many of them gay men, in the parishes of southern Louisiana was sentenced to eight consecutive life terms.

Can you believe that Will Smith turns 40 today?

And Jenna Jameson is pregnant with twins. And no, the father is not some random co-star, okay?

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

Who Would You Rather, Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman?

Jenna Jameson: The Next PETA Pin-Up

This Week In Gayness: Discriminated By McDonald's

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 17:17:00 GMT

Besides Clay Aiken and Lindsay Lohan finally admitting their obvious gayness, there were a couple more newsworthy stories floating out there this week:

A teenage boy has been condemned to die in Iran because he is a homosexual.

The gay marriage fight in DC is nearing its end, as the City Council is almost ready to pass a bill making it legal.

Ian McKellen will tour British schools to teach kids about tolerance. And elves.

I’ve been busy at quite a few schools recently. I went to a wonderful co-ed faith school in Harpenden.
'They were Christians and absolutely determined that their pupils did not discriminate.
They invited me to come and give prizes to 13-year-olds in front of the parents and to talk, partly, about being gay.

'I said that we are all part of a minority group – be it for being short, or tall or fat or thin, or having red hair or whatever. I said hands up who thinks they are part of a minority group and all the hands went up.

A Queensland city agency has ruled a pro-gun, anti-gay nutjob is guilty of inciting hatred for a sticker he displayed that read: "Gay Rights? Under God's law the only rights gays have is the right to die."

A Lousville, Kentucky McDonald's employee is being investigated by the state's Human Rights Commission after the following incident:

Ryan Marlatt, Teddy Eggers, and three other friends had stopped for lunch at the McDonald's restaurant on July 26, 2008, while visiting Louisville for the weekend. While they waited for their food to be prepared, an employee behind the counter referred to them as "faggots" to another employee. Marlatt and Eggers asked to speak with a manager. As they waited for the supervisor on duty to appear, the employee who had called them "faggots" started arguing with them, repeatedly calling them "faggots" in front of other customers and calling one of them a "cocksucker" and "bitch."

Related:

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You Can't Argue With A Conservative... No, Really, It's A Fact

This Week In Gayness: Guys Making Out On CNN

The War On Sex Rages On...

Lindsay Lohan Takes Time Out of Her Busy Day to Remind Us It's 9/11

This Week In Gayness: The Saxon Warrior Lovers

While You Were Sleeping: Clay Aiken Shocker

Scanner Highs And Lows: Let's Protest Anyone Who Protests Packages & Boobs

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 21:02:00 GMT

We figure, what with all the topless women running around the site this week, we're going to offset it with some ridiculous Speedo action... and the following stories...

HIGHS:

Scanner Nicole has figured out how to trap men. Luckily, this post didn't say anything about marriage...

A nationwide rally reminds us women are allowed to go bare-breasted in public in this country. As one reader put it, who besides Fred Phelps is dumb enough to disallow this behavior?

More naked Olympian dudes, please. And any excuse to show Daniel Radcliffe in the buff is fine by us.

We have no problem saying a repeat pervert harassing women at work deserves some pain-- unless he wants it, of course.

Michael Phelps, you may be awesome and you may be entitled to any mermaid you want, but stay away from the redhead who's in "The Little Mermaid" Broadway show, okay? We called dibs months ago.

And we celebrated the opening of the Erotic Heritage Museum, where this blog will hopefully end up someday...

LOWS:

This guy wants women to go topless... in his office. By the way: he's a married father of two and the women who wants to go topless are the teenage interns at his job as a New York State Assemblyman.

Googlers in Kentucky and Virginia are very interested in sex, but not the pretty kind, we don't think...

Floridians, meanwhile, are too concerned that a bigoted asshole gets away with his crimes to be Googling "lesbian sex."

We kinda wish these mean ol' debate coaches had overseen the lives of those "Spellbound" kids-- now that would be a movie!

This could also be a high point in our week-- the story of a couple that got tasered and jailed and their wedding night, then repeated the joyous experience the following evening.

Teen Sex Most Popular In Kentucky... And Other Global Sex Trends

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 22 Aug 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Scanner reader and Debonair Magazine writer John De Feo alerted us to this very interesting survey of global sex trends.

Did you know more people are Googling for lesbian sex in Louisville than in any other US city? Well, at least on the internet.

Among the article's most interesting findings:

Lesbian Sex

Average Daily Search Volume – 56,024
Most Popular In - Prague, Czech Republic
Most Popular U.S. City - Louisville, KY

TEEN SEX:

Average Daily Search Volume – 54,139
Most Popular In - Delhi, India
Most Popular U.S. City - Louisville, KY

Again, Czech Republic leads in several worldwide findings, including Anal Sex, Hardcore Sex, and Gay Sex, while Louisville also leads statewide in Gay Sex. (Virgina, meanwhile, has the most people looking for Anal and Animal Sex, although not necessarily in the same search bar)

Several cities in India are on the board, all of them for web-based bestiality hunts: Horse Sex and Dog Sex. Yum.

Check out the rest of his preliminary findings here.

Google Thinks You're All Perverts

McCain To Find His VP On Google

Look Both Ways Before Walking The Streets, 'Cause Google Maps Might Be Watching

Giorgia Palmas Becomes Overnight Internet Sensation Based On One Photo

Today in WTF: Ex-Candidate For Kentucky Gov. Arrested For Sex Offenses After Obvious Joke

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 19:57:00 GMT

Our first reaction: ha ha, perv.

Our second reaction: this is a travesty of justice! A man's life and career are at stake...

Here's the lowdown, you tell us if he isn't either a) completely lying or b) the people pressing charges against him should be the ones in prison:

1) Otis "Bullman" Hensley, pictured above in one of many campaign photos featuring riding, yes, a bull, was charged with attempting to lure a thirteen-year-girl and her eleven-year-old sister into “illegal sexual activity." Hensley, a two-time failed candidate for Governor of Kentucky, called the allegations a "misunderstanding."

Here's the part where you say: "what part of 'you show me yours and I'll show you mine' is every misunderstood?" Okay, now read on:

2) The incident in question took place in a supermarket, where Hensley was making off-the-cuff remarks while trying to win over the annoyed locals:

“The one girl turned around and looked at me and smiled,” Hensley said. “I said ‘Ma'am, do you want to trade them girls for a good fattening hog?' and then I went on into the meat department. That was all that was said.”
(The phrase may be a reference to the long-ago practice of giving farm animals as part of a dowry.)
Hensley said the grandmother became upset and went to tell the girls' father about his comment.
He said he followed the family out of the store and then to the courthouse trying to apologize.
He meant nothing sexual, he said, and uses the phrase often as a joke and a means to “cut up with people” in the county, where he is well-known for his unorthodox campaign style. Just before going into the grocery store, he made the same comment to a woman and young girl in the bank, he said. [Herald Leader]

It would be easy to make jokes about how humorous remarks revolving around farm animals and sex usually don't go over big in states like Kentucky, but...

In any case, Hensley was busted for first-degree unlawful transaction with a minor-- guess what? That's a felony, punishable by up to 20 years in prison. Speaking of prison, as of press tim, Hensley was still in jail, kept separate from the lynch mob known as the prison population, awaiting a mere $15,000 in bail money...

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Today in WTF: 10 Year Arrested For Defending Self... With Pea Shooter

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New Orleans Politician Arrested While Getting-- How Perfect-- A Lap Dance

Missouri Republican Resigns To Spend More Time With Family, Soon Gets Arrested For Sexually Assaulting 14-Year-Old

Police: Woman Swapped Sex For Gas

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 15:37:00 GMT

It was bound to happen sooner or later.

In Fort Wright, KY, where the average gas price is about $4.19, a man and a woman have been busted by the local authorities for engaging in an unlawful exchange of sex for gasoline...

Police in Fort Wright set up a prostitution sting and said one of the suspects they arrested engaged in sex for a $100 gasoline card and other gifts.
Thirty-four-year-old Angela Eversole of Fort Wright is charged with prostitution and doing business without an occupational license. She pleaded not guilty at a Tuesday arraignment.
Police also arrested a man they said paid Eversole. He is 50-year-old Kenneth Nowak of Avon, Indiana.
Kenton County prosecutor Ken Easterling said it's sad when people are selling their bodies for gas.

Our favorite part of this has nothing to do with the sad fact that high gasoline prices are making everybody crazy, it's the part about "doing business without an occupational license." As if that would've made a difference in Kentucky!

By the way, this has nothing to do with the sex-for-gas offer gone bad in Mesa, AZ awhile back.

Via Kentucky.com.

Libertarian Dude, Star of "Predator" and Porn, Is Running For Senate

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Jun 2008 20:01:00 GMT

Sonny Landham, most famous for getting the crap torn out of him by the title character in "Predator," and ex-porn star, is running on the Libertarian line in Kentucky against Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell.

Now 67 and living in northeastern Kentucky, the man who played Billy Bear in "48 Hours" and was killed by an alien in "Predator" admits his action-movie days are behind him. "I think I'm having wild action when I take two aspirin with my hot chocolate at night," he quipped.

The actor known for his powerful physique, booming voice and his American Indian heritage says he's serious about his longshot bid, because too many politicians are indifferent to voters' problems.

Landham refers to McConnell, a four-term Republican, as "Boss Hogg" after the corrupt politician from "The Dukes of Hazzard" TV show. He bluntly called Democratic candidate and millionaire businessman Bruce Lunsford an "elitist."

Even President Bush is a target: "He took us into a war on lies," Landham said, claiming the actual intent was "to put 'Big Oil' back into Iraq."

We kind of like this crazy old bastard, but then again, the anarchist in us always has a soft spot for the Libertarian folk.

Landham did go on to discuss his porn career with the Louisville Courier-Journal, which makes for

some campaign baggage that seems scripted for Hollywood, instead of socially conservative Kentucky. Asked whether [his adult film roles] could hurt him politically, Landham replied, "What can I do? That was a part of my life you cannot call back."

"If I was going to do it now — knowing that I'm going to have four children, knowing that I was going to run for office — no, I wouldn't make that choice," he said. "But at the time I made the choice of getting a paycheck, staying alive for your big break."

The article glosses over Landham's prison term, apparently because he was later exonerated:

Landham also served more than 2½ years in federal prison after being convicted of making threatening and obscene phone calls to his ex-wife. The conviction was thrown out by a federal appeals court that found he committed no crime.

More on this character and his campaign, via the Courier-Journal.

Caption This: Hillary And The Chain-Link Fence

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 May 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Todd Heisler took this photo of Hillary Clinton in Bowling Green, Kentucky yesterday as she greeted supporters in a state where she is way ahead. However, he neglected to note the comic possibilities of his framing... which is where we come in...

Obama Draws 75,000 In Oregon By Advertising Hannah Montana Concert

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 19 May 2008 17:50:00 GMT

Utilizing the latest in CGI technology, Barack Obama's campaign filled in a picture of a small gathering of his interns in an Oregon field with approximately 74,996 "voters," who are "energized like never before" by his candidacy...

The New York Times and other media outlets were fooled by the above photo, which appears to indicate Obama has some sort of "mass appeal," an idea Miss Hillary Clinton would not doubt cackle demonically at.

“Wow! Wow! Wow!” were his first words as he surveyed the multitude, which included people in kayaks and small pleasure craft on the river on an unseasonably hot day in Oregon. [New York Times]

See, right there you know the Times couldn't have been there. 1) "Wow! Wow Wow!" were words reported to be coming from a Presidential candidate and President of the Harvard Law Review, a magazine published in English. 2) Hehehehehhehehehheh. Beavis, he said "small pleasure craft." 3) "Unseasonably hot" and "Oregon" is obviously some sort of sly joke that we ass-cold Easterners do not comprehend.

Seriously, polls show Obama with a four point lead in Oregon (a scary 8% still somehow undecided), and Hillary way, way ahead in Kentucky, with about 11% undecided. Will this never end?

Photo via the Associated Press.

Penis Straws: Fun For the Whole Family?

Emily Farris — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 17:52:00 GMT

A mother in Kentucky bought a package of "fun straws" for her three-year-old daughter at her local Wal-mart. But when she got home, she found that some of the straws were shaped like hearts, some were just plain squiggly, and one could have passed as a rocket ship, had Andrea Bailey not known any better. "There are two of them that are shaped like the male private area."

She's pissed. And not because she spent $1.69 on the straws. No, she's worried about the effect that inadvertently sucking on a penis straw might have on other, older children.

She got her local news station involved and they want to know what you think, penis or rocket ship? (Except they substitute "male sex organ" for "penis.") Obviously if "penis" is a bad word, penis straws are going to be a bad thing, but we think a straw is what you make of it. We actually see a catheter going through a penis. And that doesn't make us want to drink out of it. Not at all.