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Top 5 Charlize Theron Sex Scenes

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 21:16:00 GMT

Fleshbot alerted us to the upcoming Charlize Theron movie, The Burning Plain, which continues Oscar-winning nude trailblazer Charlize Theron's tradition of going topless "if the role requires it."

Here's a list of the five highlights from that stunning career. Nope, no Cider House Rules or Aeon Flux this time... someday, though, we'll get to those scenes...

5. Monster. This harrowing, utterly absorbing serial killer biopic landed Theron a well-deserved Oscar. You would think that would be what everyone remembers about the hit film-- but no, this is what the internet still buzzes about: Charlize + Christina Ricci + tongue = hot sex. This would be one of the most popular sex scenes in history if only the makeup department hadn't conspired to make their characters look more like scary murderers than sex symbols.

4. Reindeer Games. Due to the uploaders poor editing on the first sex scene from this movie, we've included the pool scene as well. Neither of them are all that memorable, but together... not a bad waste of 90 seconds...

3. Head in the Clouds. We always wondered how Stuart Townsend, that lucky bastard, hooked up with our girl, who refers to him as her "husband." It wasn't on this film, but one shortly before that these two met-- but it might as well have started with this scene, which is probably what their nights are like 365 days a year. Lucky, lucky.

2. 2 Days in the Valley. The scene that made her famous starts about 22 seconds in. James Spader may have been in Sex, Lies, and Videotape and a few of the Brat Pack movies. He may have been incredibly good on Boston Legal. Hell, he may go on to win 10 Academy Awards (all for supporting actor-- ha ha, he's always a bridesmaid....) The point is: no matter what James Spader does with the rest of his life, the first line on his resume should read: "Yeah, I was in That Fucking Scene."

1. The Devil's Advocate. You scrolled right to the bottom to check for this one, didn't you? We can't blame you-- this one always blew the others away, especially when we saw it in the context of The Keanu Reeves-Al Pacino Bad Acting Experience. Perhaps both men signed up to enjoy these two lovely ladies in the buff-- after all, there are worse ways to make a living.

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Top 5 Sex Scenes From Horror Movies

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 22:33:00 GMT

Here's Part One of a list that includes Keanu Reeves, vampires, Susan Sarandon, vampires, the devil, Keanu Reeves, the devil, and some more vampires.

Hey, horror's got a few good ideas and they're all recycled like Tipper Gore's vibrator batteries... or something equally irrelevant to this post.

5. Bram Stoker's Dracula. While this Keanu Reeves-Gary Oldman-Winona Ryder film directed by Francis Ford Coppola is well known, it's difficult to find sex scenes or even clips from it on YouTube or anywhere else. The film is nearly complete on YouTube, but with only this sequence intact and not the famous scene where Reeves is molested by a couple of hot, naked vampires. A tragic discovery, to be sure.

Another clip can be found here.

4. The Hunger. Ah yes, one of the most popular sex scenes of all-time, here for 432nd time. But would we have been forgiven for leaving out nude action involving Susan Sarandon and Catherine Denueve? Doubtful.

Hunger

3. Angel Heart. Remember the days before Mickey Rourke was a washed-up boxer? We don't remember them either, but how can we forget the most controversial sex scene of the 1980s, from this cult horror flick set in New Orleans that involved one of the Cosby girls. Say goodbye to network TV respectability with us...

Angel Heart

2. The Devil's Advocate. We may never understand why this gem (that's putting it lightly) of a sex scene is left off almost every list of the greats. Perhaps it disturbs some when they find out (SPOILERS!) that Keanu and Connie are siblings-- at least according to Satan, who would know. Bonus: two hot chicks, hallucinations, and the fires of hell-- don't miss this!

1. Embrace of the Vampire. Although you won't hear any arguments from us that #2 is the superior scene, we're putting this up in the top spot for pure raunch and "Unrated" hotness. In fact, if Alyssa Milano had never done Who's The Boss?, we think most guys would still know who she is, thanks to this ridiculous vampire sex film. Enjoy the scene embedded here and then feel free to poke around Metacafe for other clips from the movie.

Alysia Milano Sex Scene

More coming in a few weeks in Part Two... suggestions are always welcome...

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While You Were Sleeping: Emma Watson To Get Naked?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 14:06:00 GMT

Catherine Hardwicke, who ruined it for female directors everywhere by having the biggest opening with the worst movie, will not be invited back for the followup to Twilight.

Jay Leno is sticking around late night after all. He'll host a show in the 10pm slot instead.

For $12,000, you could've had a boatload of fun with Anne Hathaway...

...the day after the Cracked X-mas Fundraiser where the actress auctioned off a drinking date with herself and a few of your close friends, we know that's as good a pick up line as any:
"I'm not usually very forward, but I thought if there was ever a crowd for me to do something like this, this is my crowd so I would like to auction myself off," Hathaway announced, "for drinks somewhere fabulous and basically get you totally s—- faced." Hathaway, 26, was embarrassed when her price kept going up... "Wow, I feel really good right now."

Keanu Reeves will make a brilliant, original, and totally not laughable samurai movie next.

Robin Williams on Sarah Palin. We won't spoil the joke.

A 70-year-old woman in India gave birth after fifty years of trying to have children. This is sure to be the plot of Sex and the City Part XVII.

Emma Watson waited a full eight months of being legal before announcing she's interested in doing a nude scene. Fortunately for you pervs, she wants to do one for Bernado Bertolucci.

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48-Year-Old Carol Alt Finally Does Playboy

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:55:00 GMT

To wrap up the week in nudity, we had to decide between Keri Russell's creepy shoot for Details or the Carol Alt Playboy photos. There's no question that Carol's are hotter... but is it a mirage, a Photoshopping miracle or is the former supermodel as bodacious* as ever?

You can buy a copy of the December issue of Playboy here.

*Forgive us for using that word, but we were just reading a story about how Keanu Reeves thinks a Bill & Ted sequel is possible. We really want to write that-- sort of like the Rocky Balboa for the dumb comedy set.

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While You Were Sleeping: Full House Coming Back to TV?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

The dumbest (tabloid) question of the day: "Does a woman's short haircut mean she isn't interested in sex?"

Hitler was "the perfect boss," according to his maid. We'll, uh, refrain from wishing he was still of this world, thank you very much.

Keanu Reeves' agent must have a mortgage to pay off or something if he's actually considering this...

Movie executives at 20th Century Fox are reaching out to Keanu Reeves to reprise his Jack Traven character for a third Speed film, according to Internet reports.

That shy-weird-studly actor from Twilight is starring in a new movie with Matthew McNulty about the possibly nonfictional love affair between Salvador Dali and Federico Garcia Lorca. IMDB says it is "Rated R for sexual content, language and a brief disturbing image." Let us guess-- Robert Pattison's dong?

The worst show in television history (tied with about a hundred other sitcoms and America's Funniest Home Videos, of course) may make a return, thanks to its star, John Stamos:

Stamos is plotting to reunite at least some of the cast for a "semi-remake."

Cameron Bure tells OK! Magazine, "John has been working on a semi-remake of Full House. I know it would involve me and Jodie Sweeten. We would revive our characters, but today as young women."

Sarah Palin declined to be interviewed by Oprah Winfrey. Perhaps because Oprah would ask her if Africa was a country.

And Christian nutjob Rick Warren favors assassination. Thankfully, so far he's only named a foreign leader to his list.

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The 50 Sexiest Movies of All Time: 40-31

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 21:49:00 GMT

40. American Beauty. American Beauty-- this was a big movie, right? We seem to recall some sort of Academy Award being handed out? Yes, many people would like to forget this was so critically, commercially, and awarded-ly lauded in the late 1990s... for good reason. This Kevin Spacey-led comic melodrama did not age well. At all. But parts of the movie escape unscathed: was the incredible art direction, cinematography, and Chris Cooper's terrifying performance as a self-hating homosexual and the psycho next door. His kiss with Kevin Spacey is still a delight to watch, even with the shock worn off after nine years.

39. Law of Desire. From AfterElton: "This was the first Almodovar film to really make a huge international splash, and while reviews were mostly good, it's only now, 20 years later, that the plea at its heart, for everyone to be themselves and specifically against living a sexually closeted existence, stands out most clearly. It's also notable for a very sexually explicit performance by Banderas, which contrasts sharply with his sexless characterization of Tom Hanks' lover in Philadelphia, an American film released six years later."

38. 10. There are so many romantic and sexy moments in Blake Edwards' classic rom-com "10" that every scene is sure to be somebody's favorite. Ours? Nope, not the slow-mo beach run to make you forget Ursula Andress. Nope, not the first sex scene. We prefer this one (click here for the YouTube video clip.) Who knew Dudley Moore was such a major playa?

37. Tristan + Isolde. This summary, via Kids In Mind, makes this PG-13 movie sound a lot racier than it really is: "A young woman takes off her clothes off... giving body heat to an unconscious and wounded young man; another woman does the same, they hold him from either side and press against his body (bare backs, shoulders and legs are visible)." Did we mention James Franco and Rufus Sewell are in it? We might just find ourselves going gay if those two ever did a sequel to Brokeback Mountain.

36. From Here To Eternity. There was a time when this was risque, so since risque romanticisim = sexy, we'll go with this for #36. A great, surprising, and deeply moving film that landed Frank Sinatra a well-deserved Oscar and jump-started his failing career. Ol' Blue Eyes? Now that's sexy...

35. Don Juan DeMarco. See above photo of Johnny Depp for an explanation as to why this film, about the fictional lover Don Juan's re-emergence into, first, a psychiatrist's office and later, into his love life.

34. Rear Window. Sometimes, it only takes one scene to make a movie incredibly sexy overall-- in this case, one kiss. The kiss carries itself throughout Alfred Hitchock's Rear Window's two hours of suspense, murder, and paranoia. Not to be missed, under any circumstances.

33. Dirty Dancing. There was a time when "(I've Had) The Time of My Life" was considered a great tune, when Jennifer Grey was sexy and had yet to have a career-ending nose job, and Patrick Swayze was the biggest movie star in the world... if only for a couple of weeks. Relive those moments with this sequence, the one we all remember.

32. My Own Private Idaho. Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix play gay prostitutes in Gus Van Sandt's surreal (to put it politely) adaptation of Henry IV, Part 1. According to Wikipedia Van Sandt "decided to send the script to the agents of Keanu Reeves and River Phoenix, figuring that their agents would reject the script. However, Reeves' agent was amenable to the project, but Phoenix's agent wouldn't even show the screenplay to the young actor. Not to be deterred, Van Sant got the idea for Reeves to personally deliver the film's treatment to Phoenix at his home in Florida. Reeves did so over the Christmas holidays, riding his 1974 Norton Commando motorcycle from his family home in Canada to the Phoenix family ranch in Micanopy, Florida, outside Gainesville." Check out our favorite scene:

31. The Blue Angel. With this film, Marlene Dietrich a) launched herself to international fame and b) more importantly, served as the basis for the best scene in Blazing Saddles. Check out her then-controversial song-and-dance number from the oldest film on our list:

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While You Were Sleeping: The Trial of Keanu Reeves

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 13:08:00 GMT

Somebody has been taunted the German police by placing a Muppet over his face when passing speed cameras. (Obviously, this genius neglected to realize the authorities would capture images of his license plate.) The hilarious photo evidence is here.

MTV has posted most of its greatest videos online.

It's possible to find love online, even in your 80s. (Of course, the guy who got lucky on the internet married a woman much younger than him-- unfortunately for you 60+ ladies, even this guy admits he wasn't interested in women his own age.)

Bono's teenage ladyfriend insists they are strictly platonic, although we have to wonder what kind of strange friendship this rock star and his middle-aged buddy would have with two young female models other than the obvious one.

The Rothernberg Political Report now estimates the Democrats will capture 7-9 seats a week from today, putting the magic number ("60") within reach.

There's apparently something called "Farting Dog" and it involves the Jonas Brothers.

A photographer is suing Keanu Reeves for allegedly attempting to run him over with a car. (This is the same asswipe who watched the criminal charges against Keanu get tossed out of court and now is trying the greed route.) Seriously, dude? You get in the way of Keanu's car and you want to cry about being run over? Please go away.

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