Scanner : kate beckinsale

Going On a Manhunt in the 1980's...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 19:27:00 GMT

There are about twenty-five laugh-out-loud moments in this video for us, which are all funnier than anything Andy Samberg has done since Chris Parnell stopped making SNL parodies with him.

From Everything is Terrible and via The Frisky, your day is now complete...

1) The part where the woman appears to be touching herself while thinking about "a pint of ice cream and Dallas"

2) "A book with an usual title" and "a stuffed animal" are two conversation pieces which may even cause us to flee from Kate Beckinsale or Jennifer Connelly

3) "Your mother may have taught you that it's rude to stare." But then they have a guy stop at a park bench and leer at a woman for a full ten seconds before deciding to move on. And that's supposed to be a good example of a male prototype!

4) "You know, somebody oughta come up with a newspaper that only has good news in it." Oooh, girls, don't let this stranger talking to you on the same park bench get away, he's an American original...

What are your favorites?

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Rachelle Leah Is Playboy's November Cover Girl

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 17:55:00 GMT

Can Playboy still make its cover girls famous? Could it ever?

We'd never heard of Rachelle Leah, who hosts UFC All Access on Spike, until it was announced she was next month's cover star, although we're pretty sure this means we'll be sick to death of her by the time the issue hits the streets...

Doesn't she remind you of Kate Beckinsale... or Kate Beckinsale cloned together with Victoria Beckham? Perhaps not so much in the below photos, from last year's Stuff Magazine sessions:

Don't worry, we'll post the Playboy photos as soon as one of you leaks them to us... in the meantime, enjoy!

More photos here.

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Sloppy Seconds: Kate Beckinsale's Vagina Fear

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 21:13:00 GMT

The President of Pakistan resigned today following an emotional, hour-long speech recapping his life. Has George W. Bush ever given a speech, besides the State of the Union, that lasted more than eight seconds?

A woman recalls her nightmare date with the phony "Rockefeller" kidnapper. She knew he was a fake when she saw Post It notes all over his car reminding him of his different "life stories."

John Mayer spoke to TMZ about his relationship with Jennifer Aniston:

"There's no lying, there's no cheating, there's no nothing. People are different, people have different chemistry, different lives. You're either a cheater or you break up and I'm not the first one, I'm the second one. I ended a relationship to be alone, because I don't want to waste somebody's time if something's not right.
"Jennifer Aniston is the smartest, most sophisticated person I think I have ever met.
"I guarantee you there's 20 per cent of people on this street that are in a relationship they wish they could get out of and don't know how."

Laurence Fishburne will join CSI, as rumors previously suggested.

Just have colon surgery? Here, have some gum.

Wanted: women in Australia who do not consider themselves attractive.

What is up with the beer kegs in Iowa?

And Kate Beckinsale almost had a vagina slip, or she tells it:

"It was one of those nights when I wore a supertight dress that you couldn't have worn anything under, since it would have showed. The paparazzi were literally lowering their cameras like speculums when I got out of the car.

"On the way home, I said to my husband 'Darling, I think they might have gotten it.' And so when we pulled in I made him re-enact the thing with his camera - a sort of crime-scene run through. It appears I survived unscathed."

John Mayer And TMZ Make A Funny Video: "Do You Love Celebrities? I Sure Have."

Who Would You Rather: Jennifer Aniston vs. Jennifer Connelly

Kate Beckinsale Would Much Rather F*ck Than Cook

Quote of the Day: "The more you stomp in poop, the more it stinks."

Emily Farris — Tue, 17 Jun 2008 20:16:00 GMT

Who said it? Vote before you jump!

Billy Ray Cyrus said it about the controversy surrounding his daughter Miley's now infamous Vanity Fair photos.

Watch the video at People.

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Sloppy Seconds: What Are Britney Spears and Mel Gibson Doing with a Cigar?

Emily Farris — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:13:00 GMT

Kate Beckinsale might be the most hilarious actress in Hollywood. "You don't want your little peas sticking out, do you?" What ever could she be referring to? [GabbyBabble]

What's more precious than young people finding love? Old people finding love. Then doin' it. [Slate]

The newly-made-over, sorta-sexy Strawberry Shortcake kind-of freaks us out. [Jezebel]

If Queen Latifah is a lesbian, she might be planning to wed her long-time girlfriend in California soon. [Jossip]

Mass dolphin suicide is the saddest thing we've heard all day. [Guardian]

Vaginal reconstruction surgery in Europe sounds... painful. [NYT]

Hulk Hogan proves on Larry King that strong men also cry. [MollyGood]

Mel Gibson and Britney Spears apparently had a smokin' date at an exclusive cigar club. But it was all business, like most meetings involving an older man, a troubled young woman and a cigar. Mmhmm. [People]

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Kate Beckinsale Would Much Rather F*ck Than Cook

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Jun 2008 17:37:00 GMT

Actress Kate Beckinsale says she can't be bothered to cook, but that she totally makes up for it in the bedroom.

Except we have just one little problem with her argument.

She tells British magazine Glamour, "I'm the worst wife in the cooking department. I always thought you can't be good at food and sex, but you can always order the food in."

We think a gentleman or two around Brooklyn might disagree that one absolutely can be good at both, but we totally support the fact that not everyone likes to cook.

And like Beckinsale said, "I'd rather he didn't order in the sex."

[IMDB: Beckinsale Prefers Sex To Cooking]

Related:

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[Image]

Sloppy Seconds: What? You Didn't Know Barack Obama and Brad Pitt Were Cousins?

Emily Farris — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 21:41:00 GMT

Why pay thousands of dollars for a naked picture of French First Lady Carla Bruni when you can see it on The Internets for free?

Actress Kate Beckinsale would rather eat vagina than sushi. "At least a vagina would be warm."

Chelsea Clinton wants you to know that Monica Lewinsky is none of your business! So stop asking questions about it.

Also none of your business? The ending of the upcoming "Sex and the City" movie, at least until it hits theaters in the US, according to its star Sarah Jessica Parker.

Do you have a workplace bully? Or are you one? Workplace bullying might be worse than sexual harassment!

Someone with far too much time on his or her hands traced the Democratic candidates' ancestry and has decided that Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt, The George Bushes, Gerald R. Ford, Lyndon B. Johnson, Harry S. Truman, and James Madison. And if Obama is related to Pitt, then Hillary Clinton has to be related to Angelina Jolie, Celine Dion, Alanis Morissette, Jack Kerouac and Camilla Parker-Bowles. Um, yeah.

Sloppy Seconds: The Britney Comeback

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 21:12:00 GMT

Keith Richards, whose body is 84% heroin-based, urges young people to give up drugs: "Give it up, it ain't really worth it."

Kate Beckinsale, whose body is 104% hot, thinks the best part of that body is her, um, "Pharoah's Tomb." Yes, she actually used that term to describe her privates. "My best feature is unfortunately a private matter," she unfortunately tells Allure, "Although I'm told it is spectacular."

Britney Spears is making her 310th comeback, starting right now. According to AP sources: "She's been working a chair routine out in the studio and is ready to animate it." Cool! You mean, like a cartoon? We could totally see Britney's life being a John Waters film, but maybe not via Pixar Studios.

Amy Winehouse was cleared of all charges related to Ray, Ray or whatever her dude's name is. As part of a plea deal, she agreed to no longer fuck herself in the head with stupid men. Her tears drying, she vowed to get on without her guy... and go back to... blaaack. (Okay, we'll stop now.)

And about the only cool thing to come out of this week's earthquake in the UK was that this couple had some earth-shattering orgasms.