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Hey Everyone, Let's Join the Sex Party

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 13 May 2009 17:20:00 GMT

In November, right after the American Presidential election, we brought you word of an emerging (but subsequently little-noticed) political party in Australia: The Sex Party. Here's what we said:

In response to "moral campaigners and prudish politicians," Australia's open-minded citizens have decided to strike back.
On Thursday, the Great Down Under will announce the only political news worth reporting on: the launch of the fortunately-named Australian Sex Party. And no, it's not that key-exchange game your Mom told you about.

This week, Canada got in on that action with its very own-- and rather different-- Sex Party...

Although they were resoundly defeated in yesterday's parliamentary elections-- as if anyone knew they would be on the ballot-- the Sex Party of British Columbia has only just begun to (fuck or) fight. They have launched a real publicity blitz that is gaining national and, ultimately, worldwide attention, starting with its catchy slogan: "Sex is good. Let's make it better!"

"We're not running to get elected. Obviously it's impossible, especially in a first-past-the-post system that discriminates against small parties," said John Ince, a Vancouver sex shop owner and leader of the Sex Party.
The party's platform touts the benefits of a healthy sex life for personal growth and the betterment of society.
It proposes revamping the provincial education program to gradually encourage students' sexual activity, whereby extensive sexual experimentation would precede first intercourse.
Teens would learn the basics of healthy and satisfying sexual liaisons, such as trust, emotional intimacy, relaxation and verbal communication. They would be offered courses in erotic massage, and taught not to discriminate against gays or lesbians.
Furthermore, the Sex Party would require that all public parks and beaches larger than one hectare (2.5 acres) be designated areas for nudists in a bid "to normalize all parts of the human body and de-stigmatize human sexual organs."

Can you imagine that ever passing here in the next 500 years? Central Park overrun by nudists-- meaning, besides that "nudists" who walk up to you and expose themselves? Never gonna happen... but stranger things have happened in Canada and we'd certainly vote for a Sex Party candidate if we could...

It promises to make it easier for the elderly living in long-term care facilities to have sex, for example, by instituting training for "specialized sexual care nurses."
"Other politicians don't want to discuss these kinds of issues. It's very scary to them," commented Scarlett Lake. The former exotic dancer who now owns an escort service is one of three Sex Party candidates in this election.
She proposes changing Victoria Day, a statutory holiday in Canada that celebrates the birthday of Queen Victoria, who reigned during an era of prudery in Britain, to "Eros Day" for the Greek mythological god of lust and intercourse.

"Specialized sexual care nurses" as part of its platform... ex-strippers/escort Madams-turned candidates... making Victoria Day the Crazy Lust and Greek Sex Orgy day... all that is bound to garner a few token votes. Unfortunately, for now, that's all they're likely to get...

This photo of John Ince, the group's founder, is just begging for a "Caption This."

Via AFP.

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Ex-Mayor in Michigan Arrested For Having Sex in the Street

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 May 2009 17:42:00 GMT

Kim Capello, a 56-year-old man who used to be the Mayor pro term of Novi, just outside of Detroit, was arrested last month for indecent exposure.

While it's always news when a politician is arrested for whipping out his boner (Kim is currently the Oakland County Commissioner-- see above), there is more to this story than simple indecency...

On the morning of April 18th, police respond to a complaint about two people getting randy against a wall near a strip of bars and restaurants in town. Upon arriving, the cops found Capello and a 37-year-old woman having sex in the middle of the sidewalk, with pedestrians passing by and presumably fleeing in horror. It should also be noted that Capello is Republican family man-- he has been married for 21 years to his law partner wife, with whom he shares an office, according to the local news. The couple also have three kids.

Strangely enough, the woman has not been charged with any crime, while her lover faces up to three months in jail when he appears in court next month.

Via ClickOnDetroit.

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Advertising Event Promotes Full-Frontal Nudity As Business Model

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:50:00 GMT

For the past several months, we've been reporting on the advertising industry's desperate descent into nudity-focused marketing campaigns. Normally, we would applaud any stripping away of censorship, but marketing agencies have always pissed us off by cynically co-opting all up-and-coming movements, milking them, and so oversaturating the mainstream with their ideas that even outsiders want nothing to do with what they once loved. (Case in point, graffiti-- once Madison Avenue realized hip kids "dug" that fresh style, everything in the 1980s had that awful, fake "tagged" look. Now we want to vomit anytime anyone mentions "taggers.")

Luckily, in Austria, people have a healthier attitude toward the nude form. Of course, that won't stop advertisers from having an event specifically geared toward nudity in hopes more people will pay attention...

We better let the website itself explain their 21st century ideas:

XIPAX - Show us your best bits.
XIPAX.com gives creative people the chance to present their ad campaigns – and of course their best work. The key message of the campaign: Show me yours and I’ll show you mine. The idea: double meanings that encourage people to show off their best work, but also hint at showing oneself in the nude. The kick-off for the campaign: a guerilla promotion at the annual gala hosted by Creativ Club Austria (CCA).

Why they have to do this naked is beyond us-- just sounds like another gimmick. But the video is mighty entertaining... watch as a guy comes up to the stage, drops trou, and holds up a sign promoting XIPAX. How many years before Valtrex tries this at a Dodgers game?

NOTE: We could not embed the video after all, so click here to see the multiple naked people...

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While You Were Sleeping: The Fate of Project Runway

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 03 Apr 2009 13:16:00 GMT

Mona Lisa from burger grease! The great smirking later has never been sexier. (Luckily, this isn't one of those "it's a turd shaped like my aunt Josefa, let's sell it on eBay" things, but art.)

A strip club takes on the McDonald's logo, McDonald's takes them to court.

You think Snoop Dogg's remixes of Johnny Cash songs will be any good?

Two typos, two accidental calls to two different phone sex lines. The first, which Emily mentioned yesterday, involves cereal, the second... Hillary Clinton.

Jonathan Coulton has a new DVD out called Best. Concert. Ever. We predict it will be a live recording.

NBC affiliates should learn never to underestimate Jay Leno's ability to draw viewers.

Meanwhile, the television company will air a documentary focused on Farrah Fawcett's battle with breast cancer.

The Project Runway lawsuit was settled-- the show will air again this summer, this time on the Lifetime Network.

And instead of beating up the fan who exposed himself to her, Lady Gaga signed the man's naughty bits.

For This D-bag, A Breakup Smells Like Ween Spirit

Colleen Kane — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:02:00 GMT

You might think that the fellow in this photograph is the sort who, when faced with relationship strife, composes a sonnet or writes in a tear-stained journal. On the contrary, this fellow responded to a late-night breakup by going on a rather hilarious spree of indecent exposure.

Matthew Hill, a 24-year-old Nebraskan, apparently broke up with his lady-friend around 3 a.m., then went wandering about his apartment complex to show neighboring women what they were missing out on.

Hill knocked on one 48-year-old neighbor's door at 3 a.m. asking her to talk, when she noticed his penis hanging out of his drawers and sent him on his way. He knocked again three hours later, but this time she wisely didn't answer the door.

Just before his first visit to the previously mentioned neighbor, Hill had knocked on the door of a 62-year old woman and suggested a threesome. Later at 8 a.m. he yelled at another 40-something lady and wagged his ween her way. Hill was arrested, jailed, and faces two counts of indecent exposure.

Thanks for the LOLs, Matthew Hill.

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MI Teacher Wants You to Burn the Sheets After Hot Sex

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MI Teacher Wants You to Burn the Sheets After Hot Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 18:44:00 GMT

Kelly Abdo is back.

The pervy Monroe, Michigan girls' volleyball coach was back in court, answering to charges that she had... wait, what's this? Even more ridiculous sex with her students?

You'll recall Abdo-- she's the one who is charged with indecent exposure because, although the student she had sex with was legal, she decided she couldn't wait to get to the boy's house and nailed him outside a house party-- as if no one would notice that!

Guys, before you start having fantasies about this woman, you should know she's completely psycho. And not in the slightly sexy way you want her to be, either:

1) She's a newlywed. For Christ's sake, she got married last year and she's already banging underage students. (See below.)

2) She reportedly forced a girl with an injured leg to perform drills for the volleyball team. Scores of parents have complained about her teaching methods and lawsuits were threatened before the latest revelations came to light.

3) Not only did she sleep with a student in a parked car, she slept with a seventeen-year-old in his house. Abdo slept with the kid and then called him to make sure he "burned the sheets" so her DNA wouldn't be detected on his bed. He neglected to or refused and prosecutors plan to weild the bedding as evidence against Abdo.

4) Idiot Girl Googled "DNA evidence and how to remove it from crime scenes and clothing," and "sex laws between teachers and students under 18 in Michigan." Also: "DNA forensic evidence," "registered sex offender," "sex offender laws," "subpoenaing text message records," and "how long text messages are stored." Moron, you should have thought of things before you had sex-- you don't look up sex laws after you break them-- it's already too late. Guilty. As. Charged.

5) There may have been some underage drinking at that party. What the hell was a twenty-something teacher doing at a high school party-- this woman was begging to be caught and put away for a century or more...

Via the Toledo Blade.

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There's A New Testicle Eating Champion...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 17:12:00 GMT

Here's a contest we'd refrain from competing in or even watching.

In Hunterville, New Zealand, the new world's capitol of enjoyable public indecency, there's a competition in which men pick up a bull's testicles using only their mouths and running for 50 meters with them. The testicles, of course...

Sadly, their own prize for these feats of masculinity are a cold beer to wash down the horrific taste. And, as Metro UK notes, "if the beer was from Hunterville it was probably rubbish." Among the other highlights:

[It's] the annual Shepherd's Shemozzle in the small town of Hunterville, where men are men and men eat bulls' testicles.
As part of the competition, punters had to bite into the balls and carry them in their mouths for 50m.
Once that feat was accomplished they had to scoff some dry weetabix and down a raw egg. In a rare respite they then got to wash the lot down with a can of beer.

[Winner Josh Masters said] "Best of all, they weren't connected to anything." [Metro]

Yes, Josh, we would think it quite strange were you to run with your mouth wrapped a bull's nuts-- a live bull's nuts, that is.

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10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In New Zealand, home of Boobs on Bikes and, apparently, dozens of kiwi trees, a lone believer stands in the cold, alone in his noble quest, and silently holds up his protest sign, desperately hoping he can make a difference. Unfortunately, sometimes these lone believers are alone for that reason-- very few people agree with them.

Case in point, is the heartfelt yet misguided quest of Michael Hayward, 10, who is against nude sunbathing on what his petition calls "family beaches." The problem isn't rampant nudity and sex, nor is it that nude beaches are already illegal (they are not, although Hayward does have a point about their proxmimity to his playground.) No, it's how his petition is worded that has us scratching our heads...

(Note: we won't say anything about his sign-- or the way he's holding it-- or put the kid down personally. We just respectfully disagree with his position.)

The petition opposed a proposed council bylaw under which nudity would be allowed but if nudists' behaviour was deemed offensive it would be dealt with by the police.

Michael and his mother spotted the naked man near McLean Park children's playground this month.

"I was very upset when we saw the man with no clothes lying right where we had to walk past him. It was horrible, I felt embarrassed, I think other children would find it disturbing. It was not something kids should have to put up with." [Stuff.nz.com]

No offense, Michael, you seem like an all right kid, but think about it this way: if your parents had brought you up with the idea that nudity is natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies, then perhaps it wouldn't have disturbed you so much.

By the way, we just want to make clear that our problem isn't with Hayward-- as we mentioned, he's passionate and quite right to be upset by something strange and, to him, unusual. However, it seems to us that, in this day and age, if one kid complains, that's it, an idea is automatically out. This reminds us of Howard Stern being fined a small fortune because one solitary listener out of several million contacted the FCC about a poop joke.

Let's hope the District Council gives him a polite rebuke... or at least allows nude sunbathing away from children. But either way, allowing the police to decide what kind of naked body is "offensive" is just plain foolish...

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Boy Catches Teacher Jerking Off... On The Teacher's Porch

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 21:04:00 GMT

The above photo has nothing to do with the story. However, the teacher may have used lotion.

Here's a kid who will certainly be scarred for the rest of his sexual life: he's 16 and walking past his former teacher's house at eleven o'clock at night, when he sees teach sitting there, totally naked, rubbing one out for all the world to see...

According to KMPH in Fresno, the teacher in question is a 57-year-old special ad instructor named Mark Greene. Greene told police that he had been boozing it up and then remembered, "Oops, time to take my prescription medication that specifically says I'm not supposed to drink alcohol with." Then he stepped out onto his porch to "relieve some stress." Great idea, although think maybe you could have stayed inside with your laptop, closed curtains, and fantasies about being whipped by 90-year-olds in diapers?*

"The original call came from a father who stated that his 16-year-old son was in the neighborhood and discovered Mr. Greene sitting on a bench in the front yard of a home. He was fully exposed, fully naked and he was actually masturbating at the time," Jeff Cardinale, Fresno Police Department, said.

When police arrived at the 1500 block of North Poplar, they found Greene just as the child described him.

"He was in fact fully naked and fully erect when officers discovered him about a block and a half from where the original call came out," Cardinale said.

Best of all is this quote from a student who attends the school that, the following day, Greene was sent home from pending an investigation. We're not sure whether it's a typo or the fact that the student is just a little kid and maybe we're being overly harsh or that the kid's poor sentence structure says more about the local school system than Greene's arrest ever could:

"It makes me feel awkward because he's a man teacher and there's other, so we don't even know if they might do that," Kassandra Solis, student, said.

Nope. It's just bad typing... read the rest of the story here.

*Actual fantasy unknown

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Scantily-Clad Baristas Attack Local Pervert... Ah, Gotta Love Washington State...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 13:20:00 GMT

A man dressed in women's underwear (including on his head and over his license plate) visited a Parkland, Washington coffee shop drive thru three times. It wasn't because of the coffee...

An unidentified perv returned each time to make sure the girls, all of whom were in bikinis as part of the shop's dress code, got a good look at his wang. One of them, however, had seen "very little" but already enough...

Here's the raw video:

He's seen arriving for the first time, grossing out a barista, and roaring off. The victim looks to her friend for help, but soon their expose-r is back for more. (Ladies, it's called "9-1-1.") On the second go around, they try to catch his license plate, but it's also covered in women's underwear. (Even his face is covered-- with one eye partly expose to get their reactions and, um, drive.)

Finally, the victim, who is referred to as "Kylie" in another video, was ready. When the joy rider pulled up for Round Three, Kylie tossed a cup of boiling hot water in his face, allegedly getting the man on his face and arms or legs, depending on who's telling the story in other reports. Guess what his reaction is, just before speeding off for the final time?

“Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said 'oooh yeah...'"

Once again: nine-one-one, everybody. Taking matters into your own hands maybe playing into theirs...

Video clip via LiveLeak. Top image and quote from KIROTV.

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Sex Writer On "Obscene" Website Sentenced To Home Detention

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 16:38:00 GMT

A woman whose website, Red Rose Stories, was shuttered three years ago by the Feds, pleaded guilty yesterday to obscenity charges and received a long term of probation plus six months of home confinement.

Wait, fiftysomething years after Howl and Naked Lunch, they're still busting people for "obscenity," particularly on the internet? We had to find out just what the site could have presented that could get its owner in so much trouble...

Karen Fletcher is the owner of Red Rose Stories. She's a 56-year-old Pennsylvania woman who happens to live in the district covered by crusading US attorney Mary Beth Buchanan, a staple of the Alberto Gonzales/George W. Bush Justice Department and her website contained

stories that allegedly involved bestiality, water sports, scat, bondage and domination, S&M, slavery, threesomes, orgies and sex with children.

Note that not one of Fletcher's pages featured photos of any kind, nor did the site explicitly encourage real-life encounters with children. After her arrest, Fletcher quipped that, to her, it seemed "the only legal sex stories are those that involve a man and a woman consenting to missionary position sex in a dark room.”

Buchanan "has gone on a rampage trying to stamp out expression that doesn't meet her standards of morality," Marc John Randazza, a law professor at the Barry University School of Law in Orlando, wrote on his blog.
Randazza, who teaches about free speech rights and other legal issues, acknowledges that the content of Red Rose Stories was shocking, but he suggested the U.S. Constitution protects fictional stories. "If you believe in the Constitution, and you believe in what this country means, you can NOT believe that any American should ever face prison for writing fiction -- no matter what the subject matter of that fiction might be," he wrote in a blog post.

What do you think? Was Fletcher a fool for writing about child sex and enjoying it?

Via Anarchist Librarians and PC World.

Sloppy Seconds: Impeachments Imminent

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:29:00 GMT

56 government employees in Miami-Dade County were arrested for their alleged links to an Oxy-Contin ring.

We keep waiting for an explanation for this few-days-old story, but since none has been forthcoming: A man was arrested for exposing himself to his neighbors. When police came in through his front door, they found him committing some sort of sexual act "with a claw hammer, plastic bag and motor oil." What?

Gawker revisited some classic (and far from classic) Playgirl covers.

Know anyone with a birthday tonight? Get them the Horse's Ass cake, just because you're such good friends.

One of the Dixie Chicks got divorced.

A teen conspired with a buddy to, we're assuming, assassinate George W. Bush at Camp David. He even had the motorcade route copied down. It's a miracle ~~we don't have a "President Cheney"~~ he didn't get to execute his nefarious plan.

In other Bush news, the House seems closer than ever to actually considering impeaching Bush. Which means nothing will happen, of course.

In other impeachment news, the President of Pakistan is much closer to being ousted: the country's ruling coalition agreed to begin removal proceedings against him.

And Condi Rice is apparently ignoring her daily memos from the RNC: she said the country would do fine against terrorisms even with an Obama presidency.

While You Were Sleeping: The End of Mister Rogers?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 13:55:00 GMT

It seems like everybody's going topless these days, albeit with their backs turned.

A Portland news anchor has been canned thanks to a couple of hot photos of her appearing on the 'net.

Are you a CSI fan? Do you think this actor would be a good replacement for William Peterson?

The search for a new lead has been shrouded in secrecy, but sources say [Laurence] Fishburne is being heavily courted to play the new character, described as a doctor/scientist outsider to the CSI unit who has the same genetic profile as a serial killer but hasn't previously acted on any homicidal impulses. [Yahoo!]

A photographer has been found guilty of violating decency laws in taking pictures of prepubescent girls.

Obama's number have stalled since capturing the nomination, according to Politico.

Rihanna and Chris Brown may be engaged.

Did you hear PBS is killing Mr. Rogers? (Well, he's already dead... we're talking about the show.)

Artist's Penis Commits World's Largest Indecent Exposure

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 14:30:00 GMT

Unfortunately for lovers of the penis, the actual artifact is not the largest penis ever publicly exposed: it's the size of the penis once it becomes the subject of Jaime del Val's Madrid artwork...

Your old-fashioned flasher usually hides away in shady parks wearing a dirty old raincoat but a Spanish 'artist' has no such shame - he projects his penis on buildings.

Jaime del Val wanders the streets of Madrid naked but for camera equipment attached to his genitals.

He shows off his penis because he says it's a "means of power".
He has staged his "performance" in front of Almudena Cathedral and at the Royal Palace in Madrid.

Here's a website with some of Jamie de Val's work, none of it nude, from what we could see. Meanwhile, as David Niven might say, "Isn't it fascinating to think, that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life, is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings!"

Heads up! Money shot approaching...

Via Metro. If anyone has a picture of the artwork in action, we'd love to add it to this post. For now, these pics will do...

Score! Photographer Pulls Off Public Nude Shoot Despite Police Invasion...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 21 Jul 2008 15:14:00 GMT

Semi-reclusive photographer and local legend "Harvey" (real name Harvey Drouillard) was all set to shoot 36 naked men and women as part of his 14th annual unsanctioned exhibit at the Ann Arbor Art Fairs when, for the first time ever, police officers swooped in and threatened to arrest anyone who dared to remove their clothes.

But Harvey is never one to let the fuzz get him down... or out... and so he snuck out of the chaos, a couple of participants in tow...

Dreslinski said they would keep police officers dispersed around the fairs in case Harvey tried to take his photos somewhere else, adding that they couldn't stop the photographer in past art fairs because Harvey acted covertly.
This year, Harvey publicized his planned location because he wanted to let "people really experience what really goes on in a shot.
"... My long-term goal is to show people that nudity is not a big deal," Harvey said. "In the U.S., people always try to bottle things and make things taboo."
The impromptu covert operation for nude art in Ann Arbor began an hour and a half after the first attempt broke up.
Harvey and the three models regrouped at Michael Wolfe's booth of metalwork on North University, a more discreet space where they could get naked without getting handcuffed.
"No kids, no cops," said Harvey, looking from side to side.

While we don't know what Harvey's three-model photo looks like (yet), here are two that have been attributed to him which may give you some idea:

Via The Detroit Free Press.

Sex on the Beach: In Dubai, That's 6 Years in Prison

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 16:43:00 GMT

A British woman who got drunk, had sex (with a stranger? twice?) on a beach, and assaulted a police officer in Dubai is facing up to six years in prison. And her willing partner may face the same harsh, Midnight Express-esque realities himself...

The woman, said to be 30, was arrested after a police officer reportedly twice found her having sex with a British man on Jumeirah Beach.
She has reportedly been charged with having sex outside marriage, indecent behaviour in public, being drunk in public and assaulting a police officer.

Because Britain has no extradition agreement or prisoner transfer agreement with Dubai, which would mean she would have to serve her sentence in the Middle Eastern state's prison. Oooh, Billy.

The FCO's website says that public displays of affection are frowned upon in the UAE and there have been several arrests for kissing in public. Sex outside marriage is illegal, as is cohabitation, adultery and homosexual behaviour.

If the UAE is striving to attract English tourists, as they claim to be, stories like these are not going to help.

Via The Guardian.

Pointless 5-Year Old Shower Scene Costs ABC $1.43 million

Bryan Christian — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 17:00:00 GMT

As if that Mass Effect clip wasn't disappointing enough. Now we have to sit through this sub-Troma-level shower scene from a 2003 ep of NYPD Blue, which for some reason the FCC is only now fining the network for, to the tune of... well, you read the headline.

"We find that the programming at issue is within the scope of our indecency definition because it depicts sexual organs and excretory organs -- specifically an adult woman's buttocks," the FCC wrote in its ruling.

ABC argued that the scene was necessary to "illustrate the complexity and awkwardness involved when a single parent brings a new romantic partner into his or her life."

Uh huh. So no one's using common sense on this one. Well, at least it's a fair fight.