Scanner : hugh hefner

PapSmeared: Holly Madison Leads the Bikini Parade

Emily Farris — Fri, 15 May 2009 16:12:00 GMT

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Desperate Living

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 14 May 2009 14:24:00 GMT

Holly Madison rebounded from Hugh Hefner with... Russell Brand?

We have to agree: this or any other ad for the pill is going to piss off the stuffy-butthole-people.

A quick thinking teenage boy saved his 4-year-old sister from being kidnapped when he actually raced after and caught up to the truck she was being driven off in.

Another teenage boy, who needs to spend more time thinking, is going to jail for setting another guy's dick and balls on fire.

This is gonna be grand: Martin Scorsese is making a movie about Sinatra.

Elton John was there for Eminem in his hour of need, helping him through the painful process of rehab.

Emily mentioned this yesterday: Shanna Moakler resigned from the pageant board following yesterday's press conference on Carrie Prejean. Did you know that she was also Miss USA and a Playboy centerfold? Hmmm...

The marriage bra is... uh... useless? A major turnoff? Creepy? Stupid? All of the above and more?

Lindsay Lohan's house is in such shit shape, complete with garbage everywhere, that the police thought it had been ransacked when they responded to a tripped alarm.

Related:

New X-Men Movie Sounds Like a Pile of Wolf Sh*t

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Gunning Lesbian

"You Traitor Pig!"

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Facebook

PA DA Threatening to Jail 11-Year-Olds For Sexting

Heidi Montag Nude In Playboy?

Emily Farris — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 19:02:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Word is she and Spencer are in negotiations with Hef...

Read more...

"Girl Next Door" Kendra Wilkinson Knows How to Handle a Piece

Emily Farris — Wed, 08 Apr 2009 21:15:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Let it never be said that former Girl Next Door, Kendra Wilkinson, and fiancé Hank Baskett know how to keep the romance alive in their relationship. It seem regular trips to the shooting range really do the trick...

Read more...

While You Were Sleeping: Miley Cyrus Dies in A Freak Car Accident

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:08:00 GMT

This whole "writing about fingerbanging classes" trend is really getting annoying.

Who is Melissa Rycroft and why is Hugh Hefner offering her half a million dollars to pose for Playboy?

Hummer vs. school bus. Guess who wins?

A couple of things: how did the cameraperson know to film at that moment? Does the second animal live there? (It sure seems friendly if it doesn't.) And why is the second clip for 8:17 and the first from 8:18. Other than those obvious question marks, we love this video.

Minnesota cops now have their very own Oscar Grant case.

Rihanna is apparently cooperating with prosecutors after all. And she's supposed to be on Oprah with Chris Brown at some point soon.

And this Fox News story comes from a Sun story that turns out to have been completely made up. Fox reports a prank as a true story-- it's a case of a fake "news" company reporting fake news!

If you like that, you'll just flip for the gBall. Pretty crazy, eh?

It's still early, so here's one of the few practical jokes we've seen for... April Fool's!

And if you really think Miley Cyrus died in a freak car accident last night, you obviously weren't around for last year's April Fool's Day either.

Bill O'Reilly's Dirty Talk Express

While You Were Sleeping: Jen and John Redux

Zac Efron's Mom Is Cooler Than We Are

While You Were Sleeping: Lily Allen Hates The New York Times

Kendra Wilkinson's Stripper Poles: Quality You Can Twirl On

Emily Farris — Tue, 31 Mar 2009 19:04:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Girl Next Door Kendra Wilkinson has forgone the celebrity trend of launching her own clothing line, and skipped right to designing her own line of stripper poles...

Read more...

Here's A Kind of Teacher Sex Story We've Never Seen Before...

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 09 Mar 2009 13:45:00 GMT

It's not even ten a.m. on the first day of this workweek, and there are already two bizarre teacher sex scandals to report. The first featured a kid, having engaged in a sexual relationship with his teacher since October, caught by the principal... (literally) with his pants down.

Now comes the story of yet another lecherous teacher and her teenage male victim. However, this case features a twist that we could never have predicted, even after reading of dozens of these cases over the years.

When 46-year-old junior high school teacher Linda Nef walked into a police station near Bountiful, Utah, cops had no idea a major media firestorm was about to descend on them. When Nef confessed to having sex with a thirteen-year-old male student, she fingered Valynn Bowers, 39, as a fellow rapist... of the same boy.

Bowers, in case you haven't figured this out, is a teacher at the same school.

According to local media reports, ~~Hef~~ Nef started sleeping with the boy first, but was dumped for an unknown other party, with whom the boy has been carrying on a sexual relationship for the past three months. One day, Bowers entered Nef's classroom and confronted her in what may have been a jealous rage, telling the older teacher, "I'm the new girlfriend." Or she could have simply said, "Hey, we really screwed the pooch on this one." However, we doubt that last part, as Nef is the one that freaked out and went to the police after the revelations.

The local news, predictably, has a unintentionally hilarious time trying to figure out how to work with these details:

With the suspects being so much older than their victim some wonder what would prompt them to commit the crime.
University of Utah psychology professor Don Strassberg says that would be an easier question to answer if the teachers were men. With men, he says, it's probably about the sex.
But it's more complicated when you're talking about women. For them, Strassberg says getting into a relationship like this is likely more about them: their needs, having control, getting attention.

Thank you, Professor Obvious. (Read more of his brilliant insight at ksl.com.)

We've been warning the public for months that the daily onslaught of these cases is going to eventually reach a breaking point and outdo itself-- in other words, we predicted that these kinds of "teacher sleeps with student stories" were going to involve in something even weirder, like janitor sex or parents getting used to it, but we never say a menage a trois coming....

Related:

Teacher In Lesbian Sex Scandal Story Not Helping...

Today in Teacher Sex: One Does It On The Floor, The Other Runs Off to Mexico with Her Boy

Hooking is the New Teacher Scandal

12-Year-Old Girl Forced To Do Something Horrible At Teacher's Behest

"Dancing With The Stars": Jewel's Out, "Girl Next Door" Holly Madison Is In

Emily Farris — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 19:52:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Jewel and Access Hollywood host Nancy O'Dell have both dropped out of Dancing With the Stars, as coincidentally, both women have suffered from injuries that prevent them from dancing on the show.

"Girl Next Door" Holly Is Psyched To Be Single

Emily Farris — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 20:41:00 GMT

VIA THE REMOTE ISLAND: Although the former Head Girl In Charge won’t discuss her split from Criss Angel, the bunny does have some pretty strong opinions about men in general.

Read more...

Sloppy Seconds: Annie Leibovitz's Financial Woes

Emily Farris — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 23:39:00 GMT

Netflix will offer a streaming-only service, but apparently it still won't be available to Mac users. [Wired]

Former Hugh Hefner flame and original Girl Next Door Holly Madison has split from Criss Angel after nearly four months. [Yahoo!]

It looks like there's some not-so-hot lesbian action coming to Desperate Housewives' Wisteria Lane. [Us]

Maybe John Mayer really is that into Jennifer Aniston? [People]

What happens when a skinny reporter goes to fashion week in a fat suit? [Jezebel]

Annie Leibovitz took out a loan against her photographs to pay off her mortgage debt. When Leibovitz's long-time partner Susan Sontag died in 2004, she left several properties to the photographer, who has struggled to afford to keep them. [AfterEllen]

[Image]

Today's Urgent Beauty Queen News

Colleen Kane — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 23:00:00 GMT

Remember Louisiana's disgraced Miss Teen USA Lindsey Evans, who tried to skip out on a resturant bill, only she left her weed behind?

We'll give you one guess which senior citizen she's been seen palling around with lately.

Just kidding! It's:

Of course it is. Don't you think Hef must be so bored of busty blondes by now? He'd probably rather hang out with Rip Taylor.

Video at TMZ.

Related:

CBS News Correspondent Embroiled In Career-Defining Sex Scandal

If This Ain't the Best Sex Scandal of the Year, It'll Do Till The Best Sex Scandal of the Year Gets Here

Hey Rev. Jeremiah Wright: Your Sex Scandal Is Not Helping

Meet Hugh Hefner's New Old Lady

Emily Farris — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 15:53:00 GMT

Well, we call her an old lady because she's 22—a whopping three years older than the 19-year-old twins (their parents must be so proud), Kristina and Karissa Shannon, who have apparently been hanging all by their lonesome with Hugh after his last three girlfriends departed.

Ladies and gentlemen, meet Crystal Harris who, on her MySpace blog, wrote "I'm a good girl, for the most part."

That's her, directly to the right of Hugh. You know, the one who's not a twin (we must say it again: their parents must be so proud). We know another pretty blonde is so very exciting.

[FadedYouth: HUGH’S LATEST GAL PAL]

Related:

The Day Hugh Hefner Almost Swallowed a Sex Toy

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Hugh Hefner's Teenage Twin Girlfriends: Girls in the Cell Next Door

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: The Liposuction Car

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:08:00 GMT

A rogue church threatened to publicly broadcast the details of a married woman's sex life after she refused to break up with her secret lover. (They sent her a letter announcing their intentions, even though she'd quit attending services there.)

A former member of the White House's inner circle, who was all set to testify in court against Karl Rove and his rigging of the 2004 Presidential election in Ohio, died in a plane crash over the weekend. We were waiting for the mainstream media to pick up on this story and at least dismiss it-- of course, they've so far chosen to ignore even a cursory mention, even though it's several days old.

Sam Mendes spoke out about watching the sex scene between his wife and Leo...

Sam Mendes says directing wife Kate Winslet as she grappled with Leonardo DiCaprio in the steamier scenes in "Revolutionary Road" was "a profoundly weird experience" - so weird that he couldn't watch it. Instead, he monitored the action on a video... [PageSix]

Prosecutors don't seem to care about our rights. They don't care what the jury decides, either.

A Beverly Hills plastic surgeon fled the country when it was discovered he was powering his SUV with what he'd gleaned off his liposuction patients.

Possibly under the assumption they would lose, the Screen Actors Guild delayed a vote on whether or not to strike.

According to one paper, the economy is not stopping women from spending ridiculous amounts of money on makeup. The "lipstick effect" is in play, just as it was during the Great Depression.

A man tried to get his murder case retried, claiming two jurors had sex with one another and the guards overseeing them were inspired for some of the same. Thanks, M.

And breaking up with Hugh Hefner somehow landed Holly Madison the cover of Playboy.

The Day Hugh Hefner Almost Swallowed a Sex Toy

Emily Farris — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 20:03:00 GMT

Plugging his new book "Mr. Playboy" in an interview with Extra, Hugh Hefner opens up about his split with Holly Madison, who he would like to pose for playboy and the day he nearly choked on a sex toy.

We're not all that surprised that Hefner wants Angelina Jolie and/or Scarlett Johansson to pose for his magazine or that he was "blindsided" by his break-up from Madison, but we will now most certainly buy the "Mr. Playboy" based purely on what he claims is its "most shocking revelation."

“Probably an incident that occurred back in the late seventies where I almost swallowed a sex toy.”

We can't imagine a better way to sell a book. Seriously, Hef, you know how to leave a crowd hanging. What was going on when you almost swallowed it? Did you choke? What kind of sex toy? And, most importantly, what were you wearing? (Imaginary scenarios encouraged in the comments section!)

Yet another book to add to our grown-up Christmas list.

[Faded Youth: HUGH HEFNER: “I ALMOST SWALLOWED A SEX TOY”]

Related:

Peecol: The Hulk, Wonder Woman and a Dirty Old Man

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Naked Pamela Anderson and Old Hugh Hefner: Unblurred

Some Lucky Israelis Will Hang With Hugh Hefner

Hugh Hefner's Teenage Twin Girlfriends: Girls in the Cell Next Door

Naked Pamela Anderson and Old Hugh Hefner: Unblurred

Sloppy Seconds: Jessica Biel Finally Goes Topless

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 22:51:00 GMT

Check out this weird Exorcist bobblehead doll.

Rush Limbaugh is engaged to an Ann Coulter impersonator.

The Governor of Illinois is free on $4,500 bail, which he could raise by selling one minute of his time to somebody in his waiting room.

Note to Salon: we don't need any more stories about women who are celibate because they are afraid of dating.

Hugh Hefner's daughter resigned as head of Playboy. Even she hates that shit reality show.

The housing crisis prepares to claim an Extreme Makeover: Home Edition home.

And Jessica Biel is reportedly topless in a new movie... meaning, more topless than she is in these screenshots from the trailer for her new movie. Justin's gonna be so piiiiissed.

Related:

Take Us To Detroit: Site of this Weekend's Biggest Orgy

Hot or Not: Marisa Tomei in The Wrestler

The English Are Still Too Prudish To Appreciate Nudity

Sloppy Seconds: Divorce for Amy Winehouse?

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 22:57:00 GMT

Be sure to go outside tonight. And then look up: A slender crescent moon, just 15-percent illuminated, will appear in very close proximity to the two brightest planets in our sky, Venus and Jupiter. Pretty! [Yahoo!]

This article, exploring the best age for sex, rubs our inner fuddy-duddy the wrong way: "And here's another bombshell the survey uncovered with which Mr Hefner might concur: ditching your long-term partner for someone new when you turn 40 is said to guarantee that you'll cash in on the sexual revolution. In other words, by getting a new brawn when you're about to experience a mid-life crisis means you'll be happier in the sack than you ever were before." [Sydney Morning Herald]

Is 30 Rock completely out of good guest stars? Let's let Larry King be the judge of that. [Vulture]

Y'all: Britney Spears' family didn't fuck her up. Her break-up with Justin Timberlake did. [Us]

Yes, Virginia, there is a liberal media. And yeah, it may have favored Barack Obama. [Yahoo!]

Blake Fielder Civil, otherwise known as Blake Incarcerated or Mr. Amy Winehouse, thinks it might be time to let his lady love go. You know, for her own good. [People]

[Image]

Naked Pamela Anderson and Old Hugh Hefner: Unblurred

Nicole Pasulka — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 19:55:00 GMT

We told you last month about Pamela Anderson's birthday nakedness for Hugh Hefner. We even showed you a blurry photo of the two sexpots.

Well, Christmas will be coming early this year. The Sun, it turns out, will never shy away from exposing the whole story. Now, a month later, we can bear witness to the sordid event on video crisp and clear as day, with nothing obscuring Pamela's, er, gifts.

Looks something like this:

Yep. Still pretty blurry. But definitely more naked. Full video here.

Sloppy Seconds: The Republicans Finally Find a Song

Emily Farris — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 21:21:00 GMT

Holly Madison talks about her break-up with Playboy papa Hugh Hefner. [FadedYouth]

When will Tina Fey be back on Saturday Night Live? The suspense is killing us! [Yahoo!]

Mark Wahlberg is getting married to his girlfriend and baby mama, Rhea Durham. What a funky bunch! [People]

Are Jennifer Aniston and John Mayer back together? Probably. Do we care anymore? Not really. [Us]

We have a sneaking suspicion that Hank Williams, Sr. wouldn't be too happy about Hank Williams, Jr. finally giving the Republicans their damn song. Especially because it's the worst version ever of an already sort-of bad song.

Related:

The Foo Fighters Would Like John McCain to Stop Comparing Himself to Kurt Cobain

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

If Only Tina Fey Would Play Sarah Palin in the Forthcoming Porno

Sloppy Seconds: More Fun With Sarah Palin Affair Rumors

Hugh Hefner's Teenage Twin Girlfriends: Girls in the Cell Next Door

Nicole Pasulka — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 17:34:00 GMT

Looks like Hef's new gal pals, 19-year-old twins Karissa and Kristina Shannon have some regrettable incidents in their brief pasts.

What ugliness could such lovely ladies have been involved in? You ask...

According to TMZ the twins know how to beat a bitch down:

The twins went out after work with one of their Wing House co-workers, Erica Civello, to a house party. Kristina allegedly started arguing with Erica, and Karissa came up behind her and hit Erica over the head with a bottle of beer and they both "jumped her." Erica suffered a concussion.

Do people not know about TMZ by now? When casting barely legals to be your creepy pretend girlfriends, you've got to be checking their backgrounds

Uh, we meant the crimingal background, not the actual back, but whatever.

Sloppy Seconds: John Cusack's Stalker is Neither Off the Hook or Unattractive

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Are you surprised that there's an official Sarah Palin sex doll on the market? [The Frisky]

Guns 'n Roses Chinese Democracy, the follow-up to the band's 1991 Use Your Illusion, is really, finally coming out November 23. For real. Finally. [MTV]

Anna Wintour is in looooove! [Radar]

Poor Hugh Hefner. He's "in the dumps" after one of his lady friends left him. Perhaps one of the other two can console him? [People]

Because what TV executive hasn't been a gay porn star? [Defamer]

We can't really blame a girl for stalking John Cusack; who hasn't imagined him standing outside her window, wearing a terribly charming trench coat and holding a boom box over his head? So forgive us if we have a little pity on Emily Leatherman, the woman accused of stalking Cusack. Wednesday, judge rejected a plea bargain that would have allowed Leatherman to avoid state prison. If she ends up there, we'll send her casseroles. Totally without nail files baked into them! [Yahoo!]

Related:

Shameless Self Promotion: My Book!

Sloppy Seconds: Are Lindsay and Sam Finally, Really Engaged?

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

Sloppy Seconds: Kelly Rowland's Booty Implants?

**Blogs That Ain't Sh*t But Hos and Tricks**

Pamela Anderson's Boobs Did Not Kill Hugh Hefner

Nicole Pasulka — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 18:30:00 GMT

Pamela Anderson gave Hugh Hefner a creepy strip tease for his 82nd birthday party. From the photo below it looked like a happy, if somewhat nippleless affair, but really we cannot believe Hugh Hefner is still alive.

He looks and walks like a very decrepit goat; however, we need to give it up for the Hef. Not only still alive, he's still alive and still a creepy leach--we didn't think there was enough Viagra in the world.

Don't believe us, check out the description and photo of the event in The Sun:

Staring at Pam's boobs, Hef chuckled: "You’re looking good."

Hugh's girlfriends tried - and failed - to top Pamela's rude and nude pressie.

Kendra said: "We gave him chocolate body parts.

"We molded our body parts and gave it to him, and he ate them all.

"I molded my a**, so I could call it 'chocolate starfish'.

"It was white chocolate, and I put a dark chocolate little thing right in the middle. You'll see it on the show coming up."

Oh Kendra, you are so loveably disgusting. Do your poop obsessions make it easier to change Hef's Depends.

Scanner Highs and Lows: We're This Close to Losing it to Sarah Palin

Emily Farris — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:29:00 GMT

In a month we'll either get to stop hearing about Sarah Palin forever or we'll be stuck hearing about her for four years. It kind-of feels like that time when you decide you're ready to lose your virginity and just need to find someone to lose it to. You know it's either going to be really great or really terrible, but you just need it to happen already... Right? Anyone?

Highs:

We may have found a man to keep us warm this winter.

And if it doesn't work out with that guy, we might still have a chance with Michael Cera.

If we get really desperate, we got hit on by this guy (even though they guy thought we were Sarah Palin).

We finally got our hands on the Sarah Palin swimsuit competition video.

We were on the local news, and this time there were no microwave dinners in sight.

We heard that Anne Hathaway liked anal. Then that she didn't. Then you told us you like Anal Anne better.

Lows:

We were forced to think of Hugh Hefner as a classy man (damn you, Joe "Boobies" Francis!).

We got in trouble for showing peen and had to take it down. Sorry.

We let ourselves be momentarily amused by Rachael Ray.

We had to listen to Sarah Palin talk for a really long time.

And we saw her nude. Sort of.

This guy gave us nightmares.

We lost a sweet, wonderful, beautiful man.

Who Would You Rather: Joe "Boobies" Francis vs. Hugh Hefner?

Emily Farris — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 20:48:00 GMT

Girls Gone Wild creator Joe "Boobies" Francis has decided to pick a fight with Playboy papa Hugh Hefner. Not only did Francis make out with one of Hefner's girls next door, Kendra Wilkinson, he accused Hefner of running Playboy into the ground, telling PageSix "If you were Kendra and you looked at the Playboy stock price lately, wouldn't you think about upgrading?"

We never thought we'd say this, but Hugh Hefner has more class in his old, shriveled penis than Joe Francis has in his entire body. Now, the question is, can you handle the old, shriveled penis?

Related:

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Sloppy Seconds: Ashley Alexandra Dupre "Gone Wild?"

Look Out Lawyers: Joe Francis is Out of Jail and Will Be Calling You Shortly

Joe Francis in 576 Words

Today in Page Six: Naomi Campbell, Prince, Joe Francis, Unnamed Penthouse Pet

An Open Letter to Ashley Alexandra Dupre: We're Gonna Write a Book!

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

While You Were Sleeping: The Playboy Selection Process

Peecol: The Hulk, Wonder Woman and a Dirty Old Man

Sloppy Seconds: What's Wrong With This Picture?

Emily Farris — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 20:59:00 GMT

Melissa Etheridge plans to marry her long-time love, Tammy Lynn Michaels. [Us]

Phish will reunite for a 2009 tour. We didn't know they broke up, but yay for Phisheads. [MTV]

If, like us, your invitation to Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds' wedding got lost in the mail, you can read all about it here. [People]

And apparently Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson are planning to marry, too. [FadedYouth]

Not only is Robert Downey, Jr. the perfect choice to play Hugh Hefner, he's apparently also perfect to play Sherlock Holmes. [Yahoo!]

Watch Sarah Palin play the flute. Or not. [Radar]

Or, watch Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Barbara Walters argue over Palin. Honesty, it's more fun. [MollyGood]

We hate cigarettes as much as—or more than-the next guy (or gal), but we're a little miffed that the cigarette was removed from this iconic image of Bette Davis from "All About Eve" for her postage stamp. [NFDHD]

Related:

Who Are You and What Have You Done With Robert Downey, Jr?

Sloppy Seconds: Fake Sex Ruined The Real Thing for Robert Downey, Jr. and Heather Graham

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Bette Davis Eyes: 41 Cents

The Miramax Telethon: Has Anything Good Ever Won An Oscar?

While You Were Sleeping: Lookin' For Asian Women

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 13:08:00 GMT

The new exhibit on sex and politics opened at the Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana.

Ex-NBA star Kevin Johnson's run for the Mayor of Sacramento may be in jeopardy after it was revealed he (may have) used AmeriCorps members that were working with his nonprofit do personal errands for him. Oh, and there is the whiff of sex, too.

You'll never guess which celebrity is converting to the Jewish faith to please his girlfriend...

Irish actor Colin Farrell is reportedly abandoning his Catholic faith to convert to Judaism for new girlfriend Emma Forrest. [Farrell] has been dating British novelist Forrest since June, but the romance appears to be turning serious. [Starpulse]

A stolen Renoir was recovered in Italy three decades later.

An assistant principal who had a torrid affair-- with a 17-year-old female student-- will spend the next two years with big burly men.

A man in Brisbane is accused of stroking a latex vagina in front of two women. We're not sure why either.

The Playboy Mansion and the rest of Hugh Hefner's empire could be in trouble if he doesn't lay off some of his staff, according to recent rumors.

The best missed connection we saw this morning:

WHITE MALE LOOKING FO ASIAN WOMEN - m4w - 52 (QUEENS -LI)
I AM A WHITE MALE AND I NEVER HAD AN INDIAN WOMEN AND WOULD LIKE TO EXPERENCE IT. IF YOU ARE INTERESTED PLEASE WRITE BACK WITH A PICTURE AND YOUR AGE.

And Scarlett Johansson married Ryan Reynolds in Canada. Words escape us to aptly describe this tragedy.

While You Were Sleeping: The Playboy Selection Process

The 10 Best Date Movies

News Anchor Fired After His Swingers Craigslist Ad Cracks Up The Office

Where to Find a Craigslist Missed Connection in Alaska

This Weekend In Missed Connections: Bus Driver Blues

While You Were Sleeping: The Playboy Selection Process

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:07:00 GMT

When in Atlantic City, it's probably best not to approach total strangers about marijuana purchases:

Police said the drug deal went sour when the man took them to a desolate road in Egg Harbor Township near the Atlantic City International Airport, pulled and gun and forced them to strip before dumping their purses and robbing them.

Every time Obama speaks, an angel... has an orgasm?

How does Hugh Hefner choose his Playboy bunnies?

“We don’t go for glamour — what we are looking for is a very natural girl-next-door look,” he told Pop Tarts. “I think that’s what set things at the very beginning — what set the Playmate centerfolds apart.”
“Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie,” he said [are the hottest women in the world.]

Damien Hirst sold a painting of a pickled shark for almost ten million pounds. We're not sure what a pickled shark is, but it sounds mighty tasty!

Comedian Al Franken is tied with incumbent Senator Norm Coleman in Minnesota's hottest (not in the "sexy") race.

Speaking of SNL, Amy Poehler is not returning to the show after her planned maternity leave.

And what do we think of Katherine McPhee's outfit? Hot or... dreadful?

Photo via Egotastic.

Related:

The War On Sex Rages On...

RNC Day Two: Eloquence No Substitution For A Record...

While You Were Sleeping: Jessica Alba's Bondage Ad

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While You Were Sleeping: Leighton Meester's Jail Story

Who Would You Rather, Scarlett Johansson or Natalie Portman?

Rachelle Leah Is Playboy's November Cover Girl

This Week in Gayness: Virginia Accidentally Marries Gay Men

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 16:10:00 GMT

Many members of the transgender community are upset about the whole "pregnant man" thing. They seem to be almost equally upset with Thomas Beatie, who is due for a C section today, and the media for its giggling and dumbassed portrayal of him.

Hugh Hefner likes boys. Or at least guys. On occasion.

Straight marriage champions Larry Craig and David Vitter have decided that they, among men, are the ones to save the world's most successful institution.

Remember how we told you about the hilarious anti-gay vote in Arizona and how it fell one vote shy? Yeah, you knew Republicans were going to ram it home eventually. After one of the longest sessions in the state's record books, the Senate shoved an anti-gay marriage question onto the election ballot.

Backers of California's own attempt to block gay marriages, known as Proposition 8, have raised $2.3 million, which is a full one million more than the amendment's opponents.

A couple in Virginia, who somehow got married even though they are both men, will luckily not face criminal charges for thinking all men are created equal. The best part of all: one of the men has the last name of McCain.

Antonio E. Blount, 31, and Justin L. McCain, 18, faced misdemeanor false information charges, punishable by a fine up to $250.

Authorities said the couple applied for a license in Newport News Circuit Court in March and passed off McCain as "Justine." Officials realized later that McCain was actually born a man in North Carolina.

Hooray for McCain's Gay Marriage!

Previously:

This Week in Gayness: Gay Men Overdoing It?

Who Will Play Playboy Hugh Hefner in the Story of His Life?

Emily Farris — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:37:00 GMT

Playboy Hugh Hefner already has a special someone in mind to play him in a new bio-pic.

So who's the lucky man?

Robert Downey Jr.

We don't really see the resemblance (we think Downey is much better looking, and not just because he's younger) but it could be a pretty fun role and he's an amazing actor who could play just about anyone. Downey hasn't officially accepted the part yet, and until he does our heads will continue to spin with other possibilities.

[UPI: Downey may play Hefner in new film]

Sloppy Seconds: Heather Mills, Liv Tyler, and... Roseanne Barr?!

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 09 May 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Facebook is causing all sort of problems in England: first, a bunch of crazy water-fight participants destroyed a famous garden; more importantly, an ex-girlfriend broke into her guy's account and wrote all about his douchebaggery.

Liv Tyler is getting divorced. Liv, you can message us through Facebook anytime.

The McGreevey's finally settled their custody battle. We'll resist the temptation to make any jokes about their multiple fathers, orgies, sex with staff members, and any other crimes we've already covered exhaustively.

Heather Mills is going to pursue a spot on "Celebrity: Apprentice." We've never so badly wanted that show to be canceled...

Hugh Hefner wants Miley Cyrus or whatever her name is to appear in Playboy. When she's legal, of course. Sorry, Hugh, but we've already seen more of her, the Olsen twins, and Suri Cruise than we'd ever want to see. You dirty old perv.

Possibly the most repulsive pickup line imaginable, not just because of the source: Roseanne (Barr/Arnold/n/a) came on strong to George Clooney when Clooney debuted on her rad 80s TV show: "You're really good looking, why don't you take me out behind the stage and make me stink." [Starpulse]

And, finally, why not end your week with a laugh, as this video does:

Arianna Huffington: Iraq is McCain's Viagra...
Stephen Colbert: I suppose the warning on that should be: "If your erection lasts more than a hundred years, pull out!"

Sloppy Seconds: "I Need Sex"

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 21:00:00 GMT

A Baltimore teacher was attacked by her student as a classroom full of "Lean On Me" extra wannabes cheered the student on, while another student filmed the assualt on a cell phone. Apparently, the teacher missed Season 4 of "The Wire," with its explicit lesson: "Never move to Baltimore." (See the YouTube video here.)

Hugh Hefner's "The Girls Next Door" makes us believe in Heaven. Check out this totally awesome gif.

A wacky attention-starved Swedish professor thinks wearing a bra can cause saggy boobs. Wait-- he's advocating going braless? Oh, then he's a genius, no question.

Apparently people will get naked for no reason at all these days: somebody in Vienna is going to fill a football field full of 2,008 naked people. Really, you can get away with anything if you mumble long enough about "art" and "having a girlfriend, so I'm not going to look."

And woman on Facebook claims her group "I need sex" got her laid by 50 men. Only fifty men? With a name like that, you'd have to be uglier than Ashlee Simpson (the newly engaged Ashlee Simpson, by the way) not to get double that.

Thanks Tiffany and Paddy for the links!