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Sloppy Seconds: In Which We Consider Michael Chabon's Sexuality, Again

Emily Farris — Thu, 09 Apr 2009 22:21:00 GMT

Do you have what it takes to put together lists of the hottest women in the world (eyes, the ability to count to 100 with or without the help of a computer)? Then you might be in the running toward becoming FHM's next top editor-in-chief. They're looking. [Brand Republic]

Levi Johnston: proof that even if you're a teenage father you can still dream big. Johnston's dream? Becoming a model or actor, of course. [Gawker]

Howard Stern is now Twittering. Well, really it's the Howard Stern Show, which probably means there's a ghost Twitterer. And he is following no one. Jerk. [Twitter]

Half of the female contestants on Bravo's new show "Top Chef Masters" are "chefbians." Er, um, chefs who also happen to be lesbians. [AfterEllen]

What's Prince up to these days? Oh, just singing about Salma Hayek's curves. [Us]

How in the hell did we miss Gay Clay Aiken on America's Next Top Model? [People]

Having read the majority of Michael Chabon's published work, we always questioned his sexuality. We were not the only ones. And apparently we missed that thing he wrote about the time he slept with a man. [Queerty]

[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: Jen and John Redux

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 13:08:00 GMT

The Iraqi shoe thrower was sentenced to three years in prison. Come on, even if this happened in Texas while Bush was Governor, he probably wouldn't have received such a lengthy prison term.

Radiohead to a vindictive Miley Cyrus: shut up and "grow up."

This mama monkey in Thailand shows her incredibly cute lil' monkey offspring how to floss with human hair. And they say evolution is a myth.

Howard K. Stern and Anna Nicole Smith's doctor were charged with being complete assholes to her, basically helping her die young.

A great many teens appear to blame Rihanna for Chris Brown going medieval on her. Where does this kind of thinking come from? The parents?

Ashley Alexandra Dupree is getting spiritual advice from... Russell Simmons? Not that we're against it, but we're hoping he's advising her to abandon her singing career.

It seems John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have broken up again. Moving along...

And Will Ferrel will broadcast his Broadway show on HBO at 9pm EST on Saturday.

While You Were Sleeping: The Wrestler And That Video Game

Sloppy Seconds: Women Know When Men Are Turned On

Crush of the Week: Carrie Brownstein

Top 10 Breakup Songs

Woman's Husband and Stepfather Arrested For Blackmailing Her with a Sex Tape

5 Men Who Look Better With Age

Colleen Kane — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 14:45:00 GMT

With this list of men and the upcoming list of women, we'll be looking at celebs who look better older than they did young. We're not talking about those who just aged well, but those who have defied the odds and improved. The key for both men and women seems to be dropping the baby fat from the face so it becomes more gaunt. So that's the secret to increased hotness in maturity-- just be sure to do that. (Madonna did this, but it has gone awry.)

Oh, and the other key is leaving behind the unfortunate hair choices of youth.

Speaking of which, the photo above shows what number 5 used to look like this in the 70s. It's not Howard Stern, although Howard looks a world better now than in his WNBC days of the 80s, himself.

5. Anthony Bourdain

4. Robert Downey, Jr.

3. Jerry O' Connell

2. Johnny Depp

1. And Most Improved, George Clooney

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Sloppy Seconds: What Pete Wentz Likes Even More Than Taking Pictures of His Penis

Emily Farris — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 00:21:00 GMT

Must politicians from states like Texas and Colorado always be photographed wearing cowboy hats? [NYT]

Celine Cawley who played a party girl in the James Bond film A View to Kill with Roger Moore is dead at 46 after being beaten to death on the patio of her Dublin home Tuesday. [Radar]

New Yorkers, if Governor Paterson wants puts tax on all of the entertainment you download, does this mean you'll soon be paying more for porn? (ProfRobert?) [Vulture]

We should probably be excited instead of creeped out by this facial transplant, right? [People]

In an interview with Howard Stern, Pete Wentz wanted everyone to know that he and his wife, Ashlee Simpson Wentz, "have an amazing sex life." And then he took it there: "It was at the Soho Grand Hotel [in New York City], and I'm looking in the mirrors, [thinking], 'Oh my God, you are [sleeping with] the girl of your dreams, and you can watch yourself!'" he said. [Us]

10-Year-Old Boy Is the Lone Protester of Nude Sunbathing

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:50:00 GMT

In New Zealand, home of Boobs on Bikes and, apparently, dozens of kiwi trees, a lone believer stands in the cold, alone in his noble quest, and silently holds up his protest sign, desperately hoping he can make a difference. Unfortunately, sometimes these lone believers are alone for that reason-- very few people agree with them.

Case in point, is the heartfelt yet misguided quest of Michael Hayward, 10, who is against nude sunbathing on what his petition calls "family beaches." The problem isn't rampant nudity and sex, nor is it that nude beaches are already illegal (they are not, although Hayward does have a point about their proxmimity to his playground.) No, it's how his petition is worded that has us scratching our heads...

(Note: we won't say anything about his sign-- or the way he's holding it-- or put the kid down personally. We just respectfully disagree with his position.)

The petition opposed a proposed council bylaw under which nudity would be allowed but if nudists' behaviour was deemed offensive it would be dealt with by the police.

Michael and his mother spotted the naked man near McLean Park children's playground this month.

"I was very upset when we saw the man with no clothes lying right where we had to walk past him. It was horrible, I felt embarrassed, I think other children would find it disturbing. It was not something kids should have to put up with." [Stuff.nz.com]

No offense, Michael, you seem like an all right kid, but think about it this way: if your parents had brought you up with the idea that nudity is natural and we shouldn't be ashamed of our bodies, then perhaps it wouldn't have disturbed you so much.

By the way, we just want to make clear that our problem isn't with Hayward-- as we mentioned, he's passionate and quite right to be upset by something strange and, to him, unusual. However, it seems to us that, in this day and age, if one kid complains, that's it, an idea is automatically out. This reminds us of Howard Stern being fined a small fortune because one solitary listener out of several million contacted the FCC about a poop joke.

Let's hope the District Council gives him a polite rebuke... or at least allows nude sunbathing away from children. But either way, allowing the police to decide what kind of naked body is "offensive" is just plain foolish...

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New Zealand Teacher In Hot Water For Her Other Job As A Hooker

Boobs On Bikes Rides Again, Despite Violent Anti-Violence Protests

Sloppy Seconds: Queen Latifah on Being Gay

Emily Farris — Tue, 07 Oct 2008 21:23:00 GMT

We would absolutely agree that Eminem was the best rapper in "Eight Mile." We even stood up and cheered at the end... but the best rapper in the world? [FadedYouth]

We have a much easier time believing that Halle Berry is the sexiest woman in the world. [Yahoo!]

We're also surprisingly happy that Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel are back together; mostly because we know how much break ups suck. [People]

Howard Stern married his girlfriend Beth Ostrosky. [MTV]

Is somebody going to knock Elisabeth Hasselbeck off any time soon? Off The View, people! Off The View! [MollyGood]

"I don't have a problem discussing the topic of somebody being gay, but I do have a problem discussing my personal life," Queen Latifah told Sunday's New York Times magazine. [Us]

Italian Model's Virginity For Sale (And For Only $1.5 Million!)

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:28:00 GMT

If you could afford it, would you shell out a million-and-a-half for the right to be this woman's first terrible mistake?

Perhaps inspired by the well-publicized case of the American woman who has sold her virginity for (at least) $275,000, Italian model Raffella Fico has offered herself up for the princely sum of $1.5 million. You got it? Take a look at these photos from Fico's modeling career and let us know whether you'd fund her new house and "acting lessons." (Oh, brother... for that kind of money in the US, she could buy 40 homes in California and raise Marlon Brando from the dead for a weekend intensive.)

We're betting Italian PM Silvio Berlusconi has already called to inquire as to the location of the bidding.

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22-Year-Old Woman Auctions Off Virginity On Howard Stern

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 18:58:00 GMT

Maybe it's because he's been broadcasting from a secret undisclosed space station, but we're trying to figure out how Howard Stern thinks he can get away with selling a woman's virginity in this Puritan society...

According to the New York Daily News, a twenty-two-year-old virgin was set to auction herself off on Howard Stern's Sirius satellite radio show today. We can only assume, what with the photo of her, that he pulled it off.

The San Diego girl, who already holds a bachelor's degree in women's studies and wants to go back to school to get her doctorate in marriage and family therapy, hopes an online auction for her "honor" will fund her back-to-school goal. (If you doubt a woman's virginity will go for that much money, remember that someone paid $1.5 million for another woman's honor recently.) Her sister, who works at the famed Bunny Ranch in Nevada, offered the Bunny Ranch website and digs for the occasion.

[Natalie Dylan, not her real name] says the winner won't necessarily be the highest bidder. "I want someone with chemistry. We'll take bids until I find a suitor I'm happy with.”
Dylan was introduced to Stern by Dennis Hof, proprietor of the Moonlite Bunny Ranch...

Hof says the auction will be conducted online via bunnyranch.com, and that the deal will be consummated at the Bunny Ranch, where Dylan's sister already works. "I think it's a tremendous idea," he says. "Why lose it to some guy in the backseat of a Toyota when you can pay for your education?"

Question: while prostitution is okay in Nevada, who is Stern's radio show not breaking state law here in New York by arranging for this? Maybe he's just spreading the gospel, as we're doing, and isn't actually "pimping" her out?

Top photo via Esquire. Bottom photo via the New York Daily News. Check out the Bunny Ranch online. Below photo via Howard Stern:

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Weirdo of the Day: San Francisco's "No Sex" Protestor

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Skinny Dip Sandwich Free To All Plungers

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 18:42:00 GMT

Three hungry people are in trouble with John Q. Law after taking a nude dive for a free "Skinny Dip Sandwich" outside the Greenville, Maine's Black Frog Restaurant...

Our first thoughts: They should probably call it the Jerk Chicken or the Pulled Pork Sandwich and include a Matzoh Ball soup...

Last weekend, three amigos in their 20s and 30s, two males and a female, in fact, entered the Black Frog and asked proprietor Leigh Turner if they could have the free Skinny Dip Sandwich. Turner told them, "Sure, just let me check with the 40 or 50 diners..."

Remarkably, they all said yes...

Of course, that never stopped party poopers like the Greenville Police, led by crusading Chief Scott MacMaster[bater!], who is making sure the trio get a court date next month. He said a lone family that just happened to be standing right right there

was offended and contacted police.

Whiners. They remind us of the one woman in Michigan or someplace who represented most of the complaints that led to all of Howard Stern's million-dollar fines. Hey Puritans-- suck on this NSFW!

...NSFW penises ahead!

Via WMTV.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Pregnant Prostitute Raid

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 13:37:00 GMT

Amy Winehouse was hospitalized last night for an allergic reation to some sort of medication. Yep, this was front page, above the fold, in the Metro paper today. Wow.

Barack Obama still fails to move many voters on the ready-to-lead issue.

Ashley Alexandra Dupre may be the next Dr. Phil, according to a steady stream of sources that say she's ready to sign a $2 million deal that would also include a primetime interview about her past. Meanwhile...

...married New Jersey businessman Thomas "TJ" Earle admitted to a fling with Dupre on Friday, saying he's "ashamed" of the month-long affair. [Fox]

A couple of po-po had to go out of their way to convince a group of party animals that, in fact, they were not the cop-costumed strippers the revelers had hired.

Zhang Ziyi, like many Chinese people, is either completely oblivious to China's human rights record or thinks the Olympics shouldn't be protested anyway.

Howard Stern sidekick Robin Quivers is single again. Poor Robin, will she ever find love amongst the sexual chaos?

And police busted up a pregnant hooker prostitution ring that operated over the internet. It's too early for us to think about, let alone deal, with this one.

Sloppy Seconds: Jolie And Aniston Face Off

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 21:33:00 GMT

Perez Hilton claims to have a nonexistent sex life. Perhaps he needs to change his name to something catchier, like a symbol or The Blogger or P. Hilty. Seriously, anything's better than naming yourself after Paris Hilton.

Howard Stern and his girlfriend, possibly the least jealous woman in the world, have set a date. Amazingly, his first marriage spanned decades.

Fark reports on the recent dismissal of a bathroom stall case that should have Larry Craig shuffling for joy... the case has been partially dismissed.

A recent episode of UK's Big Brother sparked hundreds of viewer complaints. Unfortunately, none of them are because the show sucks.

Jennifer Aniston and Angelina Jolie are "pitted" against each other for the first time when their movies premiere this October. Not to be outdone, Gwyneth Paltrow plans to make an asinine remark in an interview that day.

And why are we just finding out about the Jenna Fischer nude "Wire" cover, months after the fact? We have an e-mail tipline, people!

Howard Stern Contest Gets Connecticut Teacher Fired

Bryan Christian — Fri, 09 May 2008 12:30:00 GMT

Does the King of All Media owe Southington, CN CT second-grade teacher Marie Jarry anything after publishing photos of her participating in an on-the-air "Ugliest Guy, Hottest Wife" contest -- which then got her fired? We kind of don't think so. She already won five grand, first off. Second off, she probably signed something that said "Pictures of you WILL be put on HowardStern.com," right? Third... what? Like, no one was supposed to know? He's not the KING OF SOME MEDIA! It's ALL MEDIA! Someone. Will. Find out.

A Penny (or Two) For Howard Stern's Thoughts

Emily Farris — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:14:00 GMT

Need a little sleaze in your life? Tonight through Monday, you can catch the best of Howard Stern 2007 for just a penny (or two pennies if you have Time Warner cable). A penny (or two, jerks) basically gets you an 80-minute highlight reel (and after that you have to pay regular On-Demand prices). We're not even the biggest Stern fans, but we watched some of it, and it's pretty damn funny. Actually, it made us realize that we are sort-of Howard Stern fans, we've just forgotten how funny he can be. He's like the charming perverted uncle you grow to hate when you're not around him, but when you see him at Thanksgiving and talk to him, you can't help but love him, even if he does stare at your boobs the entire time. And where else do you get to hear Charles in Charge talk about the Playmates he's slept with or watch Carmen Electra ride a Sybian?

[Howard.tv: Penny Preview]