Scanner : hot or not

10 Sexiest Women Over 50 (Part Two)

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:56:00 GMT

We continue our two-part series with some of the screen's top stars... some of whom are still box office draws, despite what the media wants you to believe...

Helen Mirren, 63

Helen Mirren never has to worry about studly husband/director leaving her for one of his younger leading ladies, since none of them can hold a candle to her talent, classiness, sex appeal, and status as an Academy Award-winning screen legend. The above photograph of the star in her bikini last year lit up internet wires across the globe-- for example, our traffic went through the roof the day we posted it. Thank you, Helen Mirren, for being our muse.

Carly Simon, 63

It's been a long time since James Taylor spotted Carly Simon's "incredible long legs" passing by on a summer day in a small Massachusetts town. Since then, she wrote a song about him, "You're So Vain," (or was it Warren Beatty?), won several Grammy's, topped the charts a million times over, and developed a solo career that has long outpaced her (now ex-)husband's. Simon and her gloriously pretty teeth and, we're guessing, still-dynamo gams continue to record and tour... but not often enough.

Susan Sarandon, 62

Tim Robbins whined about not being able to vote as his regular polling site last November, which must've made him feel really ridiculous when he woke up the next morning and realized, "Holy balls! Forget all my troubles-- I'm still sleeping next to the babe from Bull Durham any Playboy's best boobs 1981!" Speaking of those marvelous mams, it's difficult to pull off a dress like that at any age, let alone hers, without causing a media (i.e. tabloid journalism) firestorm, but here she is in all her glory...

Meryl Streep, 59

If anyone out there worries about how their "looks" will hold up at the age of 59, just take a gander at the Before and After photos of Streep depicted above. She is one of the greatest actors of all time, rivaling Olivier and Hepburn, and draws hundreds of millions in box office every year as one of the biggest names on the planet. But more importantly, at least for our purposes here, Streep is somehow more beautiful than even in 1977, when we first saw her in Julia. Can a nude, comic romp in a "getting old and falling in love" movie with Jack Nicholson be far behind?

Pam Grier, 59

Can you believe there's an African-American actress in her fifties who made a major comeback more than ten years ago and is still a major star, albeit on television, as she approaches her 60th birthday? Well, you wouldn't know it from the media. The announcement that she was joining the cast of the Showtime series the L Word was met with little tongue-wagging. Of course, that all changed the moment we saw how drop-dead gorgeous she remains-- not to mention the collective sigh of relief when it turned out the show's writers weren't going to blaxploitate her into irrelevancy. We eagerly await her next career move now that the show is sadly off the air.

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Top 10 Feminist Icons... From A Male (Part Two)

10 Sexiest Women Over 50 (Part One)

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 20:29:00 GMT

With the release of two more Michelle Obama-led magazine covers this month, we started to wonder that, if forty is fabulous, what happened to adoration for fifty-year-old women? Seriously, besides this month's essence, which features 45-year-old Obama and her 71-year-old mother, when was the last time you saw a fifty-plus woman on the cover of an American magazine? (AARP doesn't count, damn it.)

This list sets out to right that ridiculous wrong-- with ten famous women who can still sell magazines into their sixth decade...

By the way, this list is by no means complete-- we could easily do a top 100 over sexy women in their 50s from the land of the famous... and have plenty left over:

Cheryl Ladd, 57

Most recently of the James Caan-led Vegas show, Ladd could easily pass for ten years younger and more. What's extraordinary about her is her refreshing take on women who want to look younger:

I have no problem with plastic surgery. I have a problem with women who are 40 and 50 years old trying to look 20. That's when plastic surgery goes wonky. You can tweak what God gave you and freshen it up and look maybe eight to 10 years younger than what you are, but that's the limit. Otherwise it's just frightening what some woman are doing to themselves. They look masky and strange. [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette]

Diahann Carroll, 73.

This sadly, nearly-forgotten (well, at least by the obnoxious mainstream culture of nipple slips and big-ass-obsessed rap videos) Tony and Golden Globe award-winning actress and dancer, who famously dumped David Frost via her marriage announcement to another man, is without question one of the superficially excellent-looking women of all time. Exhibit A: the above two photos (including the one atop this post.) Exhibit B: notorious (bad dresser) and ragingly assholic Mr. Blackwell, who made one of his few good calls when he dubbed Ms. Carroll "possibly the most perfect woman" and the "all-time best-dressed woman." Amen.

Sharon Stone, 51

Yes, her boobs aren't real and, yes, she's kind of a wacko by all insider accounts from Hollywood, California, but let's not forget-- Sharon Stone is a good-looking fifty-one-year-old woman. We love that she has refused to step off the A-list and accept the usual "housewife or nun" Oscar bait roles and continues to lead major fundraisers for gay rights and other worthy causes. And even when she's in her 70s, we're betting you'll still picture the hottest sex scene in film history when you hear her name.

Nancy Wilson, 55

Nancy Wilson is the ultimate woman. There, I said it. She's a rock and roll badass, still making great music into her sixth decade on earth (take that, pretty much everyone!), became a mom just under ten years ago, and, well, it's irrelevant whether she's still attractive, although she very much is. Wilson will always have a place in our hearts for marrying that big romantic lug Cameron Crowe, who says even today that he cannot quite believe that knockout from Heart wanted anything to do with a Nice, Dopey Guy like him.

Sally Field, 62

Sally Field was once so sexy, she was able to fend off marriage offers from Burt Reynolds at his peak. More importantly, Sally Field is-- and feel free to disagree with me on this one, as I've been told I'm crazy-- she's even hotter now. Did you see her acceptance speech at the Emmy's in 2007? Not only was she jaw-droppingly gorgeous, but her acceptance speech (sorry for the offensive imagery, but it's true) stirred more than one of our body parts: "If the mothers ruled the world, there would be no goddamn wars in the first place!" Of course, FoxNews deleted this portion of the program...

Continue reading in Part Two...

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FHM's Ten Sexiest Women of 2009: Hot or Not?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Yesterday, Emily revealed FHM's sexiest woman in the world (2009 High-Bidding Publicist's Decision Edition, of course.) As usual, no one has ever heard of her, much as they had never heard of Megan Fox last year. Well, this time we can prove the vote was rigged because the winner doesn't have cache like appearing in a recent #1 blockbuster to help boost her rankings... she's just some random vaguely hot model that is on the rise...

10. Freida Pinto (she should've been higher, especially this year)

9. Anna Friel (can't believe they called the now-canceled Pushing Daisies "massive")

8. Kristin Kreuk (uh, she was on Smallville... and... uh... yeah, hasn't been heard from since)

7. Elisha Cuthbert (booorriing choices in this top 10)

6. Adriana Lima (heard of her, can't place her, moving on)

5. Keeley Hazell (wait, Keeley Hazell isn't as sexy as...)

4. Britney Spears (...automatically invalidating the entire list...)

3. Jessica Alba (when are men going to get tired of this untalented nobody?)

2. Megan Fox (the dethroned champion falls to...)

1. Cheryl Cole. Uh, apparently she was on a show called the X Factor and annoys Simon Cowell. If that's true, why isn't she tied for the top spot with Jennifer Hudson, who is far more attractive? Let's look at the photo evidence:

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Ryan Adams: Hot or Not?

Colleen Kane — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 22:16:00 GMT

So Ryan Adams and Mandy Moore really went and did it. They tied the knot quietly yesterday in Savannah, Georgia. The coverage of this leads us to reflect, as usual, how much of a waffler Ryan can be in his looks (much like the quality of his music can vary wildly, as Scanner Brian has noted).

Sometimes, as above, he looks just darling. Maybe a jerk, but a jerk who might play you a song he wrote for you. OK, maybe he didn't write the song for you exactly, and it's a passive-aggressive song, but he's still easy on the eyes.

And then other times... egad.

Not a good look.

So, hot or not?

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Hot or Not: The Doodle Bra?

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 17:12:00 GMT

When we first heard about the Doodle Bra, we thought "of course, drawing on breasts!" Unfortunately, it's much less exciting than that—we think you're supposed to draw on the bra before putting it on. While we love boobs as much as the next guy, or gal, after reading the press release for the product and realizing that it's not marketed for grown women, or even couples, we're almost put off by it.

DOODLE BRA creates positive responses entertaining and engaging young ladies and girls while meeting the needs of essential under garments and providing a way for self expression at the same time.

The DOODLE BRA allows the customer to maximize their spending power by receiving happiness and entertainment for the value of purchasing the necessary garments alone.

The DOODLE BRA non-toxic washable markers, custom designer stencils, and DOODLE BRA Idea Booklet provide the tools for redesigning the garments over and over again for countless uses of pleasure and happiness.

The DOODLE BRA kit also provides the customer the ability to design this garment to match their existing outfits without having to purchase separate items.

DOODLE BRA is currently offering the bra package with the complete line of boutique items including: Camis, Panties, Boxers, Briefs and other garments soon to be available

What do you think? Sounds like the perfect companion to abstinence-only education!

[AdRants via Jezebel]

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Hot or Not: 41-Year-Old Cheerleader Hopeful?

Emily Farris — Mon, 02 Mar 2009 16:01:00 GMT

Do you hate us for even asking?

The Internets were abuzz this weekend with talk (and a picture) of 41-year-old Shelly Lawlor who showed up for the New England Patriots' open cheerleader auditions on Saturday.

No, Lawlor probably doesn't have the body she used to, and dear God, she should have gone with different bottoms, but we give her props for being one of 300 women (many of whom looked and were dressed exactly alike) to audition—even if there are probably a plethora of reasons she wouldn't make the cut (for starers, that shit is hard; you have to be in scary shape to do those moves). Sure, she might have avoided some unwanted (or wanted?) attention by not auditioning, but we commend Lawlor for not being a Botoxed, tummy-tucked 40-something and being proud of it.

Picture after the jump...

We say with the right outfit (she is certainly not wearing the right outfit in this picture) hot!

We have to wonder though: was she trying to make a statement or was she like one of those American Idol hopefuls who think they sing like Mariah Carey? Maybe it's neither, she might just have some smooth moves. She sure looks like she knows what she's doing.

What say you, Scanner readers?

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[Image, Image]

Crazy Baby Lady to Become Crazy Sex Lady?

Emily Farris — Wed, 25 Feb 2009 15:33:00 GMT

This would be surprising considering the fact that all (most?) of her babies were conceived via in vitro fertilization, but Crazy Baby Lady Nadya Suleman might have a very sexy future awaiting her.

Suleman has been offered one million dollars from Vivid Entertainment to star in a porno. If you're not familiar with Vivid, the company apparently has worked with Pam Anderson, Kim Kardashian and former Miss USA Kelli McCarty.

So now we must ask: Crazy Baby Lady in a porno, hot or not?

[Via The Frisky]

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Does This Supermodel Look Fat To You?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 23:30:00 GMT

And even if she did, so what? It's one thing if she were morbidly obese, but she's not even close to overweight-- and besides, we thought this country had better things to do than criticize a woman's weight.

Earlier this week, Heidi Klum was attacked by a publicity-starved designer for being "too fat" to walk a runway. This German designer, who is too big of a douche to be named here, lest we further his career, is well deserving of the tremendous backlash that his comments were met with.

"Wolfgang is obviously trying to revive his sagging career and get press for himself by riding Heidi''s coattails," the New York Post quoted spokesperson for Klum as saying. [Tim Gunn added] "I can wrap my hand around her bicep."

It's a shame Wolfgang isn't a female person, because we could offer a stockpile of "sagging" puns that would, unfortunately, only stoop to ~~his~~ her low. Anyway, Ol' Saggy Nuts is probably just jealous that his fellow German is more famous than he is... and that Seal won't lend her out for any of Max Mosley's orgies.

Here are some photos from Klum's recent shoot for GQ. Even if they are doctored/Photoshopped, how fake could they be? This woman will be hot until the day she dies, or at least age 67, whichever comes later.

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MSNBC Needs a Lesson on Panties

Colleen Kane — Mon, 09 Feb 2009 22:10:00 GMT

A hard-hitting MSNBC video expose on a trend in sales of panties-- namely, that sales of thongs are down in the economic downturn in favor of "granny panties"-- reveals an oversimplified, antipodal view of panties. According to newscaster Lauren Petty of WVIT, there are only two kinds.

Can we just review the range of other readily available categories, all of which are more comfortable than thongs and less ugly than granny panties?

String bikini.

Bikini.

Boyshort/ hipster cut.

Vintage-style high-waisters.

Just sayin'. And to watch that news video, it's here.

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Hot or Not? Victoria Beckham in Armani Underwear

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 16:56:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham has always struck us as the kind of woman Brits go crazy for, but the rest of the world cannot get into. If she weren't married to the top footballer, would the world remember her or would she just fall into obscurity, along with the rest of the Spice Girls?

Having recently signed a 12-million-pound modeling deal, Victoria will definitely be in the public eye on her own a lot more, and, if this keeps up, might be able to win us over...

'There are loads of things I don't like about my body', she said. 'I've got so much saggy skin on my stomach.'
The pictures of Victoria, which will grace billboards and magazines are from her first shoot in the three-year multi-million pound deal.

What do you think of her new Armani campaign? Are we done with her, can we move on?

Photos via Telegraph.

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Sexy Priest: The 2009 Calendar... From the Vatican

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 21:59:00 GMT

While we have so far been able to track down a reputable online source for the 2009 Men's Rugby calendar we wrote about the other day, perhaps this will make up for it.

Or perhaps not. Priests-- hot or not?

We're surprised Ratzinger signed off on this one, even though it isn't the least bit offensive, sacreligious, or, well, stimulating. Of course, since treating celibate religious figures as sex objects may not be in keeping with the Vatican's puritannical mindset, we're betting whoever produced these for the tiny nation's gift shop snuck the supply in under the radar...

The above twosome feature in this year's edition of the 2009 Calendario Romano, available via this e-mail address. And although this website's Scanner-worthy English describes the calendar as "the most typical souvenir from Rome," we think this is most decidedly a venture only Vatican City could have undertaken...

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Hot or Not? Cindy Crawford at 42

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 11 Nov 2008 18:45:00 GMT

Cindy Crawford never has to do anything again. She certainly doesn't need to prove herself as a model, since she retains the record for most magazine cover appearances. But perhaps, at 42 years young, Crawford is restless.

She's been off our radar for many years, and might as well have been a star in the 19th century for all the fashion industry cares. Which may be why everyone's going batshit crazy over these French Vogue photos-- folks don't even remember who she is...

We're a bit conflicted: the first time we saw Cindy Crawford, she was in a Victoria's Secret catalog our eight-year-old (!) cousin had stashed under his bed. Cindy reminded us of Steven Tyler in a way that was vaguely distracting, and so we moved on to Claudia Schiffer. Months later, in Vanity Fair or some place, Cindy turned up again as her usual fantastic-looking self and we started to come around.

Now we're not so sure... here she is at 42, with a spread from French Vogue... what do you think?

More photos here.

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Top 5 Celebrities Who May Or May Not Be Attractive: Part One

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 16:43:00 GMT

You ever hear a friend raving and drooling about a celebrity that you check out and say, "Why the hell are you attracted to that person?" (Fess up, Backstreet Boys anti-fans.)

Sometimes it's the media trying to make a hottie out of a starlet or reality show contestant forced on them by an overworked publicist. Or it's a massively successful makeup team turning a Plain Jane/Joe into a model so that the readers of Us Weekly can reassure themselves that they, too, can be prince(sse)s.

First up: the Ladies Edition.

5. Ivanka Trump. The fact that she's even related to the Donald is strike one-- strike two are the similar features to him, which is too creepy for us. Nonetheless, she's classy, self-assured, and apparently without a monstrous ego, which is more than we can say for most people.

4. Angie Stone. Great singer, looks snazzy in a hat, and her music doesn't depress the shit out of us. That's all gotta account for something. But, as with the rest of these choices, we can't decide whether she's attractive or not.

3. Mariah Carey. This would've been a no-brainer if we'd showed a screenshot of her video for the "Fantasy" single (maybe it's being brought up on The Dukes of Hazzard, but we've always had a thing for jean shorts and short shorts), but nowadays, with the fake boobs, terrible movies, and the other fiascos, we're not feelin' it anymore...

2. Nicky Hilton. We're learning toward the "not" on the "Hot or Not" scale of things, but it does help that she has beautiful eyes and is not her sister in almost every imaginable way, which probably makes her more appealing than she would be otherwise.

1. Alanis Morrisette. How many times have you gone out with someone and kept it going because you thought the person was an awesome conversationalist and you didn't want to lose that? That's the likely predicament we'd find ourselves in if we ever ended up dating Alanis-- she's well-read, world weary, and able to hold her own over a couple of vodka cranberry's until the wee hours... which may be why we'd rather best friend her than anything else. (Con: She dated Ryan Reynolds. Ouch.)

(P.S. We didn't include Britney Spears on this list because there's no question that she is not currently appealing on any level.)

What do you think? Are we crazy for not wanting to get it on with all these very pretty women? And who did we miss?

Top photo (of Charlize Theron) via Esquire. By the way, in case you were wondering, Charlize Theron is unquestionably hot.

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Lizzy Caplan, Not To Be Outdone By Anna Paquin, Takes It Off For True Blood

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 24 Oct 2008 21:01:00 GMT

We have no idea who this Lizzy Caplan person is, but she has graciously agreed to match the nudity donation offer by her True Blood co-star Anna Paquin, who herself kicked off our weekend last Friday...

We gotta say, however, that this True Blood show is one of the weirdest shows we've ever seen. It's like Buffy the Vampire Slayer crossed with a Shannon Tweed film and directed by an inebriated and deceased Edgar Allen Poe. Check out what happens when the vampiric actors get jiggy with it... magical CGI shoots out of their hands and... wait, what is that coming out of her boobs?

The video is here (obviously NSFW.) Enjoy-- or scratch your head and wonder and enjoy... and happy Friday.

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Hot or Not? Heidi Klum's Got Milk Ad

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 20:17:00 GMT

We've already established the fact that Heidi Klum is gorgeous and probably a cool gal in the Real World. And it should be a no-brainer that seeing Klum in her supposed Halloween costume (hint: it involves pigtails, a skirt, and working on a farm... it's automatically hot.)

However, this is the "got milk?" campaign we're talking about, which involves putting mustaches on females, as if that's hot. (Sorry, ladies, it's most certainly not-- even if it's only a dairy product and not actual hair.) After the jump, check out the full photo, outfit, and mustache in all its glory and let us know...

Bonus: adorable kittens!

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Hayden Panettiere: "Don't F*ck With My Presidential Candidate"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 13:13:00 GMT

Hayden Panettiere, our Greatest Love Of All*, made a video for one of our favorite websites talking about how much she loves cigarettes and her Presidential candidate...

You might be surprised who she supports... and at how dirty her mouth is. Yowza! [Warning: NSFW dialogue!]

This is the kind of video that if a) Obama wasn't going to win anyway or b) all of her fans were not middle age ex-cons banned from voting in their respective states, it might be a game changing October surprise. (Actually, an October surprise would be a Penthouse shoot featuring Hayden clad only in temporary Save the Whales and Vote Democrat tattoos. Let's make it happen, people!)

*you know the running gag about me being in love with her is just that-- a gag-- right? Although we don't deny she has her hot moments...see above photo for more on this...

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Britney Spears Is (Almost) Not Completely Repulsive In Her New Video

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 16:41:00 GMT

Britney Spears has another comeback video for the masses to eat up for two seconds, then dispose of in the nearest receptacle.

Aside from the music, which, like everything the pop star has released, is awful beyond words in our current vocabulary, this is the best MTV video we've seen in years... which, since we haven't seen a video on MTV since 1993, isn't saying much...

Britney Spears - Womanizer (Director Cut)

We kind of like the part where she photocopies her ass (while wearing a skirt? wha?) and then, for no apparent reason, slams that guy's head onto the copier. It gave us a little peek into what likely goes on at Britney Headquarters on a daily basis-- Britney comes in wearing something that would be incredibly desirable on any other woman of the world, then beats the shit out of everyone and shaves herself in appropriate places, like her head or the backseat of a Volkswagen.

P.S. Can anyone explain to us why that cell phone calendar stops on April 20th, of all the dates in the world, the day of the Columbine massacre and Hitler's birthday? Just asking...

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I Love Myself For Loving You: Patricia Clarkson

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 20:20:00 GMT

We were flipping through the channels yesterday when we came across future two-time Emmy-winning actress and southern belle Patricia Clarkson in her breakout screen role: The Dead Pool, opposite Clint Eastwood's Dirty Harry. It actually made us, for the first time in ages, sit through even a moment of a movie edited (and censored) for television.

The most amazing thing about Clarkson's good looks and talents isn't that they are still of the highest caliber, it's that they seem to be even stronger now...

Compare the picture of Clarkson above, who turns 49 at the end of this year, taken recently, with this clip from The Dead Pool, from two decades ago. Isn't Clarkson, who went on to star in The Station Agent, All the King's Men, and Good Night and Good Luck, as well as Six Feet Under, hotter now than most Hollywood movie stars in their supposed "prime?"

And, of course... this is all just an excuse to post Clint Eastwood movies dubbed in Spanish. So much funnier!

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Who Tops People's Best Dressed List?

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 15:35:00 GMT

While we were completely surprised by People Magazine's pick as the Best-Dressed Star of 2008, we completely agree with their choice.

As for the rest, well...

10. Charlize Theron

9. Eva Mendes

8. Michelle Obama

7. Sarah Jessica Parker Broderick Bradshaw

6. Heidi Klum

5. Kate Hudson

4. Anne Hathaway

3. Fergie

2. Gwyneth Paltrow

1. Rihanna

...what do you think?

Via People.

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Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Sep 2008 13:07:00 GMT

When in Atlantic City, it's probably best not to approach total strangers about marijuana purchases:

Police said the drug deal went sour when the man took them to a desolate road in Egg Harbor Township near the Atlantic City International Airport, pulled and gun and forced them to strip before dumping their purses and robbing them.

Every time Obama speaks, an angel... has an orgasm?

How does Hugh Hefner choose his Playboy bunnies?

“We don’t go for glamour — what we are looking for is a very natural girl-next-door look,” he told Pop Tarts. “I think that’s what set things at the very beginning — what set the Playmate centerfolds apart.”
“Scarlett Johansson and Angelina Jolie,” he said [are the hottest women in the world.]

Damien Hirst sold a painting of a pickled shark for almost ten million pounds. We're not sure what a pickled shark is, but it sounds mighty tasty!

Comedian Al Franken is tied with incumbent Senator Norm Coleman in Minnesota's hottest (not in the "sexy") race.

Speaking of SNL, Amy Poehler is not returning to the show after her planned maternity leave.

And what do we think of Katherine McPhee's outfit? Hot or... dreadful?

Photo via Egotastic.

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Pervy Ex-Teacher In Ohio Gets Off... With Probation

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:46:00 GMT

Not her real photo.

An Ohio teacher was hot for student, sending him topless photos and hounding him via MySpace until his friends spoiled the fantasy...

On Monday, former middle school teacher Lisa Temsey was sentenced to five years' probation and is banned from working among children. If she violates that probation, her judge warned, Temsey would face 11 months away from even the sight of teenage boys.

Here's what Temsey did to deserve such treatment:

Temsey was teaching gifted students at East Canton Middle School last May when she was corresponding with a student via her MySpace page, said Katie Chawla, assistant Stark County prosecutor.

The boy, 14, was a former student who had moved out of state.

The discussion "changed from professional to a personal one, and she sent him a naked picture of her breasts," Chawla said.

The exchange came to light when she started talking to two of the boy's friends, Chawla said.

She probably annoyed the shit out of them, too, and was subsequently reported just so she could be gotten rid of. Maybe. Or maybe they just thought she wasn't that hittable*. (Seriously-- you're a fourteen-year-old boy: if a hot teacher hits on you, you try and keep it quiet, maybe; if a teacher you don't like or is not attractive hits on you, well. Let's just say that we've been in a somewhat similar situation at relatively the same age as the male victim here and the same thought went through our heads: "Well, if she was hot, we wouldn't mind. As is, I think I'm just going to block her IMs.")

As far as we can tell, this is a real photo of her, via her now-closed Facebook page:

Of course, it might be some other Lisa Temsey...

Via Canton Rep.

*Disclaimer: We're kidding. Sexual harassment is wrong. Unless you're James Franco or Kerry Washington.

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Principal Fired For Convincing Student To Run Away With Him (Oh, And He's Charged With Rape, Too)

Female Teacher's Aide Guilty of Sex with 16-Year-Old Female Student

Real or Fake: Nude Sarah Palin Photo?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Sep 2008 16:02:00 GMT

Sarah Palin is already an historic figure. As the first female on a Republican Presidential ticket, she will never be forgotten... or, when it comes to Democratic bloggers, forgiven.

They have already spread rumors of her having lied about her fifth child's true origins, attacked her fitness to be President, Troopergate, etc. etc. Now the McCain-Palin campaigns deny the following nude photo is of Palin (allegedly from her beauty pageant days):

It's either her or Julia Louis-Dreyfus. In fact, we're pretty damn sure it's Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who is currently getting her biggest career boost since Seinfeld. In fact the above two photos are both clearly fakes...

The picture emerged hours after Sarah was named as Republican John McCain's running-mate, and has been used by hundreds of websites and blogs.
Sarah’s camp, however, insists that the picture is fake, reports News of the World.
Other forged snaps of Sarah are also said to have also fuelled the frenzy on the net since the relative unknown was pushed into the Presidential spotlight. Sarah, who married her high-school sweetheart Todd and now has four kids, was once a teenage beauty queen in her home state of Alaska. [Sify]

Here's one that we're pretty sure is real. Hot or not?

Related:

What'll Happen To Sarah Palin?

EXCLUSIVE: McCain-Palin Internal Talking Points Memo Leaked To Scanner

Hot or Not: Jodie Marsh's Boobs?

Scanner Controversy: We Asked For It This Time...

Say "Hello" to "Emily" and Kiss Actual Women Goodbye

Nicole Pasulka — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 17:22:00 GMT

This is Emily. Although she's not real, she seems pretty damn lifelike. As she'll happily tell you, she's a creation of Image Metrics Technology and made by the same computer technology used in video games like Vice City.

First the sex doll looked real. Then the sex robot looked real (and was a sex robot, for people to have sex with, instead of having sex with other, actual people). Now the computer generated woman looks real. Real women -- we are totally done for. Why do these creepy android technologies never build lifelike dudes?

So this leads us to the million dollar question-- would you have sex with Emily? I mean, thankfully, you can't, but if you could do it with the unreal thing, would you?

[via YesButNoButYes]

Hot or Not? Kim Kardashian Poses for "Ralph"

Emily Farris — Tue, 27 May 2008 18:37:00 GMT

We've never really understood the hullabaloo surrounding Kim Kardashian. She's cute and all, and we appreciate that she appreciates her curves, but we can't say we hold her in much higher regard than any of the other famous people who are only famous for being friends with or related to famous people. She doesn't have much to say, and she's friends with Joe Francis, so she definitely doesn't come anywhere near making our shortlist of girls we'd cross over to the other side for.

But we know you like to look at her, so we've included shots from her upcoming photo shoot for "Ralph" magazine after the jump.

[via Gabby Babble]

Hot or Not: Heidi Klum Topless in Esquire

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 17:41:00 GMT

Okay, there really isn't much question on this one, is there? We were kind of kidding about the "hot or not" part just to make you click.

In our latest installment of hot topless women on the covers of American magazines, we have Heidi Klum in Esquire. Unfortunately, we are sick to death of all reality shows and, in particular, reality show hosts. Especially ones that are married to Seal, whom we dislike for that song of his we hear every time we're in C-Town with a hangover.

In any case, fans must wonder why these photos are going up online now-- perhaps to celebrate Project Runway's move to-- gulp-- the Lifetime Television Network? Well, if this is the new look of Lifetime, we may finally stop for more than four seconds when we get to it...

The rest of the photos by Rankin are archived here in a blog post from over the weekend.

These were mainly unavailable online until then, so so what if the original Esquire feature is two years old? You want us to take these down? We thought not.

And don't forget to vote in our Who Would You Rather? poll, featuring two other reality show stars...

Hot Or Not: Skinny Actresses

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Is a major fox like Jennifer Connelly still hot even if she drops down to 83 pounds?

A picture of her in the good ol' days provides unquestionable evidence of her basic and amazing hotness:

Film School Rejects argues that Jennifer Connelly is too skinny to be hot these days, and cites "Requiem For A Dream" as the last appearance of her sex appeal. (We, on the other hand, wonder how anyone can remember any of "Requiem," which we've blocked out like the time we saw our friend's ancient mother swimming topless.)

Thandie Newton, on the other hand, hasn't gotten the Rejects excited since "M:I 2," one of the unintentionally funniest movies ever made. (Forgive us for having blocked out her presence there, as well.) We did manage to arouse a little interest in her during "Crash" in 2005, although admittedly she was only a few pizza burgers beyond an exoskeleton.

What do we think? Are these chicks still hot, even without some curves to keep things interesting?

Check out the full list, which includes Angelina Jolie, Kate Bosworth, and Victoria Beckham, at Ten Skinny-Ass Ladies Who Used To Be Hot and report your observations in the comments.

Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis: The Results

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Mar 2008 19:30:00 GMT

The responses ranged from "I'd do HER mother" to "JLC is embarrassing herself" and even "hottest hermaphrodite ever." After all the bickering and politically correct insults, we have the answer to this very important question.

It seems to us that if a woman is so hot that a commentor would vow to do the woman's dead mother, I think we have a clear majority on the question of whether or not said woman is hot. Among the highlights:

She's gorgeous. Still. Look at the life in her eyes! I don't think she's embarrassing herself at all. By insisting on foregoing the usual Photoshop treatment, and wearing no makeup, etc. she's showing off the fact that you can have the more imperfect body of a 50-year-old and still be hot. I'd do her. Absolutely. - naneaux

Others disagreed:

I'll be the honest politically-incorrect one. Let's be honest here. Youth=beauty and that is that. When one gets older one needs to find OTHER things to live for. - newconmetalhead

Others agreed and disagred:

I'm a guy, and we're ALL pigs. So, would I do her? Hell yeah. Would she make even my top 5000? Not a chance. - Cjet

Result:

We'd do her. Although maybe not without the Photoshopping...

And before we get to an appetizing picture to reward you for your participation, we'd like to make a correction and apologize to reader Moz, an employee of AARP: we were fully aware that your organization is no longer refered to by its full name (an attempt to rope in the under-retiree set), but it makes for a much funnier opening line: "Jamie Lee Curtis is celebrating turning fifty by appearing topless on the cover of the American Association of Retired Persons Magazine?!" Dig? Okay, without further ado...

Previously: Hot Or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis

Hot or Not: Jamie Lee Curtis At 50

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 20:00:00 GMT

Jamie Lee Curtis is celebrating her fiftieth birthday by going topless for... the American Association of Retired Persons magazine?!

We thought maybe it was in honor of the upcoming 25th anniversary of her nude scene in Trading Places...

...but no matter: she's possibly even hotter now. In any case, whenever JLC shows some skin, we'll be there, even if it's in a magazine geared to senior citizens and there are no nipples to be seen.

As the wife of mockumentarian Christopher Guest tells the magazine in an interview published today, "If I can challenge the old ideas about aging, I will feel more and more invigorated." Well, the photos of a non-doctored Curtis with her natural hair color are certainly challenging our immature ideas about what fifty-year-old women can inspire in us.

One more thing: ABC News points out that for Curtis's 2002 profile in MORE, the actress posed without the aid of makeup artists, stylists, trick lighting, or agreeing to have her thirty-year-old face Photoshopped in:

The resulting photos showed Curtis as more middle-aged mom than glamour queen — complete with a sagging belly and chunky thighs.

Is it sexy for a woman to show it all, even if all means some features that could be considered turnoffs?

[Top Photo: Associated Press; Middle Photo: MORE Magazine]

And the Winner Is...

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 13:30:00 GMT

The votes are in and, despite what you may have read (including here on Scanner), Tuesday's Superness was not finished entirely until late last night, when the last of the returns from the Texas caucuses rolled in. The final winner may not be who you previously heard...

From an e-mail sent out by the Obama campaign just before midnight on Wednesday night:

Our projections show the most likely outcome of yesterday's elections will be that Hillary Clinton gained 187 delegates, and we gained 183.

That's a net gain of 4 delegates out of more than 370 delegates available from all the states that voted.

All that talk of Clinton victory and a huge surge of momentum... for a gain of four delegates? How does that stick in your craw, Chris Matthews?

Nonetheless, it's all about perception and based on that (perception, by the way, formed by the same media that want the story to go on as long as possible so they have good copy), the clear winner in Tuesday's election would then be the following candidate:

Seriously, though, we said the same thing yesterday about this only helping McCain pull away. And yes, Hillary Clinton clearly has the momentum on the Democratic side and for that she should really be pictured here. But, man... is it our imagination or was Johnny really not at all that un-good looking back in the 1870's?!

We might have to have a hot or not... or worse, a "Who Would You Rather: 1974 John McCain or 2008 Barack Obama?"

Hot or Not: PETA Protests?

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 14:30:00 GMT

There's a bit of pro and con on this one.

Pro: Several of them look really hot. They're activists, for what we are grudgingly going to refer to as a "good cause," and therefore sexy.

Con: Several of them... um... not really so much. And PETA's hyper-aggressive scare tactics may put off more people than they persuade. In any case, let's look at some more gratuitous pictures and discuss.

Let us start by saying we are not aiming to make sex objects of these folks. The Asia-Pacific wing of the People For the Ethical Treatment of Animals, seen here and below at a protest/photo op/press conference condemning the running of the bulls in Pamplona, are more than just a bunch of naked people trying to get our attention.

We really want to know-- pluses and minuses mentioned above factored in-- are they hot or not? (Don't worry, there is sure to be plenty of boring political news today for those overstimulated by this.)

More of Charlie Brewer's pictures can be seen via the "Nude Bull Run" slideshow, via NEWS.com.au.