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China's Last Eunuch

Colleen Kane — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 14:30:00 GMT

Sun Yaoting, the last livijng euneuch in China, was living history when he died in 1996. Thirteen years later, his biography is finally coming out, and it reveals things like the sex lives of eunuchs and their emperor, the castrations performed at home, and the resulting incontinence.

Sun cried to his amateur biogapher only when recalling his castration and the time when the pickled remains were later thrown away. He became a eunuch to gain acces to the emperor's Frobidden City, in hopes of avenging stolen property and the buring of their home by a landlord. The description of Sun's home castration is not for the faint of heart or stomach.

His desperate father performed the castration on the bed of their mud-walled home, with no anesthetic and only oil-soaked paper as a bandage. A goose quill was inserted in Sun's urethra to prevent it getting blocked as the wound healed.

OK, that's enough about that. It took him two months to be able to leave his bed, when he discovered the emporer he intended to serve had abdicated.

HIs biographer told Reuters, "He never became rich, he never became powerful, but he became very rich in experience and secrets."

So depressed now.

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While You Were Sleeping: Who's #1 on Yahoo?

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 15:07:00 GMT

Our server had some issues this morning, but we're up and running now...

A woman showed her daughter's friend how to have sex. You know, liberal-sex-ed style.

Did you miss Hillary Clinton's historic moment?

Darwin couldn't be happier: two guys stole a car, got into a shootout with the po-po, and ended up in a high-speed chase on the wrong side of the highway, where they rammed another car head on. The other car? Stolen.

Ray Winstone approves of his daughter Jaime's nude scenes (see above photo.) In fact, he can't wait to-- yuck-- watch them.

A Colorado man is being sued by his ex-girlfriend and her attorney for libelous comments he made in the Rants and Raves section of Craigslist.

A woman was arrested in Nigeria for burning her servant's penis after the 18-year-old took off with some of her money.

It's a sad state of affairs when someone as boring and unattractive as Britney Spears tops Yahoo's most-searched list for the fourth year in a row. Guys, it's time to find someone more interesting to fantasize about.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Gyllenhaal Divorce

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 14:01:00 GMT

This week, we're blogging from a quiet beach near Clearwater, Florida... so your news will be a bit more Southern and probably a lot weirder...

The government will finally bail out the public, thanks to up to $800 billion in money being directed toward allowing for more loans to consumers. Great, just what we need, more debt.

There's nothing worse than getting busted for being involved in prostitution and having your face plastered all over the local media. Actually, we take that back: there's nothing worse than getting busted for prostitution and having your face plastered all over the world, plus admit to dating a much, much older doorman who won the lottery and buys you expensive things. Yeah, that will go over well with your childhood community overseas.

Kristen Johnston, who took it off for-- what else-- PETA. And she, uh, mounted a house for the shoot...

Cancer is on the decline in the U.S. for the first time in our history. However, some naysayers are saying that the amount of people being screened has fallen as well...

We were a little surprised to see Republican Governor Charlie Crist talking "new taxes" in the paper here yesterday. Of course, the top story today? "Gov. Charlie Crist backs off both [tackling a foreclosure freeze and a cigarette tax] after talking to representatives of the banking and tobacco industries." What a whimp.

Even some elected officials were stumped by this challenging US history and government quiz.

One Florida neighborhood's concoction of choice this Thanksgiving? The Molotov cocktail, of course.

How great does Beyonce look as Etta James?

And Maggie and Jake Gyllenhaal's parents are involved in a nasty divorce after 32 years of marriage. Mom is about to go bankrupt thanks to Dad not paying his share of their bills... won't someone think of the children(s' careers)?

Some unlinked stories via The St. Petersburg Times.

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Report: Obama Picks The First-Ever Black Attorney General

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 20:33:00 GMT

Newsweek's blog claims that the Barack Obama transition team has made a choice for Attorney General that, if true, is not only a big surprise but an historical choice similar voters made in picking their President...

The man's name is Eric Holder, and he is an African-American lawyer-- who has learned the ropes of-- yup-- Washington, DC.

President-elect Obama has decided to tap Eric Holder as his attorney general, putting the veteran Washington lawyer in place to become the first African-American to head the Justice Department, according to two legal sources close to the presidential transition.
Holder, who served as deputy attorney general during the Clinton administration, still has to undergo a formal “vetting” review by the Obama transition team before the selection is final and is publicly announced, said one of the sources, who asked not to be identified talking about the transition process. But in the discussions over the past few days, Obama offered Holder the job and he accepted, the source said. The announcement is not likely until after Obama announces his choices to lead the Treasury and State departments.

By the way, the reason you aren't hearing about this anywhere else yet is because the decision is not final. Holder has yet to formally accept a full vetting, which he will likely agree to. But there are reasons to believe this is true: Holder was, again, Deputy Attorney General, served on Obama's VP-selection team, and ironically, Holder has actually been Attorney General of the United States, albeit an acting one: in 2001, while the Senate debated the disastrous appointment of John Ashcroft, Holder continued to serve President George W. Bush.

Meanwhile, members of the Obama transition team are still mulling the possible appointment of Hillary Clinton to be Secretary of State. They have to ask themselves whether Bill Cinton's financial dealings with foreign governments and hands-on approach to his wife's career could steal the future President's thunder. All signs point to Obama overruling these objections and nominating the Senator.

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Playboy's Presidential Sex Quiz A Welcome Distraction From Boring Obama Stories

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 18:40:00 GMT

The first U.S. president known to have been caught cheating on his wife was James Garfield. After finding out about the smutty letters he had written to an 18 year-old New York woman named Calhoun, his wife accused him of:

A. “abusing the executive privilege”
B. “sloppy penmanship, atrocious grammar and poor syntax”
C. “lawless passion”
D. “getting jiggy with that tenement trash”

And so it begins, Playboy's excellent time-waster on sex and the Presidents of the United States... find out the answer to this and several other quiz questions, after the jump...

TMI, Gennifer, TMI! Oh wait, this is William J. Clinton we're talking about here... do continue...

“I’ve had more women by accident than he’s had on purpose.”

A. George W. Bush about his dad
B. George H.W. Bush about his son
C. Lyndon Johnson about JFK
D. Franklin D. Roosevelt about Hitler

“Are you prepared for the storm of lovemaking with which you will be assailed?”

A. Martin Van Buren to a stranger in the next toilet stall
B. John F. Kennedy to Marilyn Monroe
C. Woodrow Wilson to Ellen Wilson
D. George Washington to Martha Washington

Check out the rest here... and let us know how you did... and by the way, if you didn't know the identity of the President rumored to have a four-year gay relationship (Abraham Lincoln), we don't even know what to say...

Let's Take A Look-See At The Ol' Electoral Map...

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Hero Of The Day: Woman Who Reversed Her Menopause

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 18:58:00 GMT

Margaret Lloyd-Hart was twenty-nine-years-old and going through menopause.

Instead of going childless and suffering through an early so-called "old age," she went and did something about it. Something that kicks major ass: she underwent an experimental ovarian graft procedure and made world history...

What more needs to be said than this, Newsweek's report on the procedure:

Last year surgeons removed Margaret Lloyd-Hart's second ovary after problems with cysts, but the Arizona ballerina, now 30, wasn't ready to give up on fertility. So doctors froze the tissue. With both ovaries gone, she was menopausal. She started hormone-replacement therapy, but was unhappy with side effects. So doctors at New York Methodist Hospital thawed her ovary, threaded strips of it onto a biodegradable "frame," and inserted it near her fallopian tubes. After a whopping dose of hormones, the eggs embedded in her ovarian tissue were back in action: she ovulated and menstruated, a groundbreaking result. Her surgery was the first to restore ovulation through ovarian tissue transplant. Although Lloyd-Hart says she isn't trying to get pregnant, the new technique could one day help other women overcome infertility.

Ah, piece of cake, right? Yep, all in a day's historical work at New York Methodist and Lloyd-Hart walks out with her whole life turned around for the better. "Cocktail, doctor?" "Yes, doctor, why not?"

Lloyd-Hart is the first woman to see her menopause reverse, which is indeed cause for celebration. Even more so is the realization that this woman has had a rough life and this may be the best thing that has happened to her in ages:

The 30-year-old who lives in Arizona, had an ovary removed last year to treat a benign medical condition. Her other ovary had been taken out when she was 17 because of a cyst.
Experts at Leeds and elsewhere were keen to stress that the release of an egg did not mean that Ms Lloyd-Hart could have a successful pregnancy. [However, the] new procedure also opens up the possibility of donor ovaries being transplanted into infertile women.

Well, we're still holding out hope for our girl MLH. Read more at the BBC.

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NSFW?: Porn Stars Celebrate International Women's Day

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Mar 2008 13:56:00 GMT

Women's History: Presented by Porn Stars on FunnyOrDie.com

If you're going to satirize women's history day using porn stars, there had better be more gratuitous nudity.

In honor of International Women's Day, which will be ignored celebrated by media outlets everywhere tomorrow.

From Funny or Die.

The History of Boobs in 60 Seconds

Emily Farris — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 16:34:00 GMT

Yes there will be boobs, lots and lots of boobs. Though we feel this could have gone a little longer... oh, oh, wait for it. Yes.

History Of Boobs - Watch more free videos

Booze: 74 Years Legal, And Still Going Strong

Emily Farris — Wed, 05 Dec 2007 19:38:00 GMT

You may have noticed that the Nerve home page, like many websites, is a little blue today. That's because one clever advertiser has taken advantage of the fact that 74 years ago today, the 21st Amendment to the Constitution repealed the 18th Amendment, abolishing prohibition in the United States. We'd write more about this, but 1. you probably already knew that, and 2. we're going to cut out early and go have a drink (not supplied by advertisers).