Scanner : hipsters

Which Hipster Celebrity Couple Married in a Secret Ceremony Over the Weekend?

Emily Farris — Mon, 04 May 2009 15:11:00 GMT

Recognize that celebrity love child?

We're all for living in sin so we've always sort-of admired celebrity couples who seem really happy together, have kids and are totally okay not being married. Especially when they're the kind of people we imagine we could be friends with. It's sort-of like they're giving a big "fuck you" to conventional ways of life, and we really appreciate that. So, we have to admit that while we love weddings (and probably even want one of our own someday), and we're happy for these two, we're slightly disappointed in them for tying the knot in a ceremony in Italy over the weekend.

31-year-old Maggie Gyllenhaal and 38-year-old Peter Sarsgaard married on Saturday in a small chapel at hotel Masseria in Brindisi near Rome.

But who are we kidding? We totally still want to be friends with them. And we would totally babysit two-year-old Ramona. And probably for free. ::Sigh::

At Long Last! The Hollywood Sex Scene Database

Maggie Gyllenhaal Waits for No AMPTP, And Her Hair Does Look Great

[Faded Youth Blog: Just Married]

We F-ing Hate That There is F-ing Nude F-ing Hipster Grifter Sh*t We Can F-ing Get Behind

Emily Farris — Wed, 22 Apr 2009 14:29:00 GMT

We know you're sick to death of hearing about Kari Farrell, the hipster grifter, who conned men out of money and Vice into giving her a job (and showed us her boobs). Well, either you're sick to death of hearing about her or you're wishing you would have gotten some from her, even if it meant she ran off with your money. If you're of the former mindset, you, like us, really don't want to see all of this damn hipster grifter paraphernalia. Unless you, like us, really like one of her tattoos and are thinking of getting one of your own and might try it out as a t-shirt for a while.

It's based on this tattoo, which Scanner Brian sent to us last week with the following comment: "You should totally steal that first image as your pre-jump Beard image." To which we replied "Um, I should totally get that tattoo!" We know. But still.

Related:

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Sloppy Seconds: Hand Jobs Involving the Mouth

Via Gawker.

Look at This F-ing Email From This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Emily Farris — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 20:53:00 GMT

When the Hipster Grifter, Kari Ferrell, popped up on Scanner today we thought she looked familiar. And we thought, "I want to give you a handjob with my mouth" sounded way too familiar. Then we remembered that our friend had posted a Craigslist ad looking for a date to the Langhorne Slim concert a few weeks ago and an Asian girl with chest tattoos had responded to it and used that exact line. We opened up the email (that he had forwarded us, because we always forward each other our online dating prospects) to compare the tats. And we were right.

Full text of the email after the jump.

From: Korean Abdul-Jabbar <xxxxxxxxxxx@gmail.com>
Date: March 31, 2009 5:40:57 AM EDT
To: pers-y6uau-xxxxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Subject: I can fight like the devil, or do what I'm told.

Hello,

I haphazardly stumbled upon your ad on Craigslist, and decided to charm you--with my undeniable wit and good looks (see: roofies)--into taking me to the Langhorne Slim show this Friday evenin'. Now, I realize that you have several candidates to choose from and that is why I compiled this nice list as to why I am "The One".

1.) I can solve complex math equations, harpoon a whale, reference obscure movies/books/songs/bible passages/pornos/wrestlers/Christmas specials, and shoot a potato gun all while simultaneously singing the theme songs from nationally syndicated television programs of the late 70's and early 80's. If that doesn't convince you to take me, I don't know what will, but just in case I'll continue...

2.) I commonly say things like, "I want to give you a hand job with my mouth."

3.) I graduated with my degree in Music Theory, Composition, and Production--and minored in Physics. I don't know what I'm trying to tell you, besides that I like useless degrees. Impressed?

4.) I appreciate all genres of music. I know everyone says that, and sure, maybe some of them even mean it--but I DOUBLE MEAN IT (???). Examples: Bonnie 'P' Billy, Mono, Owen, The Books, Curtis Mayfield, The Gap Band, The Zombies, Glenn Miller Band, Russian Circles, Kashiwa Daisuke, The Magnetic Fields, Sunn O))), Botch, Benny Goodman, Murs, Boris, The Hood Internet, Phosphorescent, Muddy Waters, Akron/Family, Refused, Schubert, and on and on and on.

5.) CLAP HANDS.

6.) I moved here about eight months ago, and though I know many wonderful people, have been feeling a bit homesick lately. One of my favourite memories of times too-long-past is dancing in my friend's kitchen to Langhorne's "Checking Out" with everyone I have ever loved.

7.) Even if you have promised the ticket to someone else, I'll still go to the show with another friend, or by myself. Meaning, I am not emailing you just to get an in to the show--though I guess that IS sort of what your post insinuated people do...

8.) I have boobs. [Ed Note: here they are]

Okay, there you have it. The rest is up to you, my friend.

Love,
Kari

Clever Hipsters Re-Name Bush Street Obama Street

Look at This F-ing Nude Hipster Grifter

Look at These F-ing Hipsters

Colleen Kane — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 19:06:00 GMT

A new favorite blog is spreading like wildfire on these internets the past few days, and when I read the title I could not click the link fast enough:

Look at This Fucking Hipster.

It's hard on the streets for a pimp, and as LATFH captions the above entry, "It's actually really hard to be a pimp when all your bitches have trust funds."

My favorite photo/caption combo has this caption: "This is what a retarded chicken looks like."

Street justice! Now whomever is behind this Tumblr blog just needs to get a digital camera and quit with the fuzzy phone pictures.

Related:

If No One Is a Hipster, Why Are They Everywhere?

Deep "That's What SHE Said" Thoughts On... Hipster Sexuality

Clever Hipsters Re-Name Bush Street Obama Street

Which Would The Hipster Rather: Breast Milk Cupcakes vs. Cow Milk Cupcakes?

Emily Farris — Tue, 03 Mar 2009 22:13:00 GMT

Leave it to Vice to try and settle the breast milk debate once and for all by getting a hipster to eat breast milk cupcakes. Well, not so much just eat breast milk cupcakes, but do a blind tasting of regular (cow) milk cupcakes vs. breast milk cupcakes.

In case you’re still dubious towards imbibing of le lait teton, we forced our friend Patrick to do a taste test: Breast-milk cupcakes vs. some regular old cow-milk cupcakes. He was hesitant, but we were like, “Suck it up, wimp!” And we went on, “Don’t you think it’s weird that humans are the only mammals who still drink milk as adults? And not even our own, but baby fluid for a whole other species? Did you ever think about the fact that we’ve mutated our own stomachs in order to be able to digest bovine baby fluid, Four-Eyes?”

And then Patrick went, “Let’s eat these cupcakes, by Christ!” After quietly chewing for a few minutes, he whispered, “I… I can’t tell any difference at all.” But we said, “No, you have to choose one.” So he held up the cupcake in his right hand and said, “This one is vaguely tastier.” And guess what, it was the boobcake! Breast milk officially wins!

Um, Vice, we think you mean human breast milk officially wins? But whatever, we sort-of wish we'd thought of this ourselves, if only so we'd have an excuse to eat two cupcakes. And if anyone is giving away free cupcakes, we say 'bring on the breast milk!'

[Vice: Hello Titty]

Related:

Breast Milk: To Suckle Or Not To Suckle

Sloppy Seconds: Pete Wentz Weighs in on the Taste of Breast Milk

PETA Asks Ben and Jerry's to Admit that "Breast Is Best"

Sloppy Seconds: Nine-Year-Old Girl Marries in Texas

Emily Farris — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 23:39:00 GMT

This is the best news we've heard all day: apparently Andy Richter will serve as Conan O'Brien's sidekick when Conan takes over The Tonight Show on June 1. Dear Andy Richter, while we love you even when you're not by Conan's side, please do not leave this time to do any more sitcoms. Thank you. [AntiCool]

And the worst news we've heard all day: there's a Gmail phishing scam spreading like wildfire this evening. We've already gotten two requests. Read this before you open any 'chat' emails. [Mashable]

Diablo Cody + zombies = awesomeness. We hope. [AfterEllen]

Is it possible that Cameron Diaz is finally going to settle down? [FameCrawler]

If you'd like to read some psychohipsterbabble that we can't really wrap our heads around read this. [Vulture]

Best headline of the day: "Man sues ex-girlfriend for hairy postcards." [APP]

This is really sad and (we don't want to sound insensitive) but also, sort-of, um, creepy? Maybe we're just heartless and can't quite get behind the fact that a couple in Texas staged a wedding for their nine-year-old daughter. Perhaps what bothers us most is that at that age, the one thing she wanted to do before she died was get married. [Video: CNN]

Who's That Boy?

Colleen Kane — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 16:34:00 GMT

No, this isn't a hipster who has come to Williamsburg to upset the throne of Girl Talk (too fat for Wmsbrg). But this lad is coming to claim a throne alarmingly soon.

It's Jimmy Fallon, pictured above doing the "Sears catalog" pose. Hard to believe, but he'll be taking over the Late Night slot in less than a month-- March 2!

Why, I remember when he was just the cute guy who couldn't hold it together on SNL.*

Wait. That isn't what he looked like then. But that is a much-younger Jimmy. His caption, from the Late Night with Jimmy Fallon website:

"I look like a five year old in an 18 month old’s clothes. Go ahead, say something about my saddle shoes mother f****r."

Unfunny Hipster Who Couldn't Get Through "Weekend Update" Competently To Replace Conan O'F*cking Brien

*Scanner Colleen is a longtime Conan devotee and is being very fair by not judging Jimmy's hosting skills before seeing them in action.

Clever Hipsters Re-Name Bush Street Obama Street

Emily Farris — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 21:07:00 GMT

Some clever kids in San Francisco found a creative way to celebrate Barack Obama's inauguration while sending a subtle "fuck you" to outgoing president George Bush.

Given the fact it's in San Francisco, we imagine those stickers will stay a while.

Why not rename a Bush Street near you?

Bush St, Carlin, Elko, NV 89822

Bush St, San Francisco, San Francisco, CA

Bush St, Cobleskill, Schoharie, NY 12043

Bush St, Red Wing, Goodhue, MN 55066

Bush St, Pensacola, Escambia, FL 32534

Bush St, Brunson, Hampton, SC 29911

Bush St, Brighton, Adams, CO 80601

Bush St, Clearlake, Lake, CA 95422

[Laughing Squid: Bush Street Renamed Obama Street in San Francisco]

Chris Rock is Spending Inauguration Day in the Whitest Place in America

The Very Best Thing About This Inauguration...

Will 2009 Be the 'Stache's Year to Shine?

Colleen Kane — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 14:35:00 GMT

The hipster beard, or "Williamsbeard," as I like to call it, came in like Gangbusters in 2008. But my spider senses have been tingling (much like the gentle tickle of facial hair), and that tells me that more moustaches may come into play this year.

It's already begun, according to The Daily Telegraph. Just look at that 'stache Brad Pitt's been sporting for Benjamin Button.

What do you think, yea or nay? And is handlebar ever okay?

A Comparatively Respectable New Gig for This Girl

Scanner Roundtable: Facial Hair

What Ever Happened to Ione Skye?

Emily Farris — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 20:09:00 GMT

You probably know Ione Skye as Diane Court, the girl who broke John Cusack's heart in "Say Anything." We haven't seen much of her since then, save for a few TV and movie cameos ("Arrested Development", "Fever Pitch", "Girls in Prison"). But Skye has been keeping quite busy in her personal life.

Since her onscreen romance with Cusack, Skye dated Red Hot Chili Peppers' Anthony Kiedis, she married the Beastie Boys' Adam Horvitz, had a kid and even had a relationship with Madonna's alleged former girl toy Jenny Shimizu. She also really loves Barack Obama.

Scanner Brian mentioned this in While You Were Sleeping last week, but over the holidays Skye married her boyfriend, rocker Ben Lee, in a secret ceremony in India.

As New York Magazine's Culture Vulture said: that is all.

While You Were Sleeping: Paris Hilton Is Not A Slut

Holy Hipster Hybrid: Chloe Sevigny in Beck's New Video

Emily Farris — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 18:50:00 GMT

We have a little crush on both Beck (even if he is a Scientologist) and Chloe Sevigny (even if she does play a Mormon), so forgive us if we're just a little too excited about Beck's Gamma Ray Redux video featuring the painted lady.

Beck - Gamma Ray

Scanner Storytime: Betsey Does Bear Bone, And a Vicar, Too

[Image, Image]

Scanner Book Club: Gays, Handjobs and Super Pokes

Emily Farris — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 13:14:00 GMT

During a recent foray into our local, independent bookstore, we came across a few new titles we thought you might like, and another we thought you might like to use as a weapon, perhaps in a battle against giant cockroaches?

The first, Welcome to the Gayborhood, explores the golden age of gay neighborhoods like the Castro and Chelsea/ Author Donald F. Reuter has chronicles the evolution of gay neighborhoods in twelve cities —Atlanta, Boston, Chicago, Fort Lauderdale, Los Angeles, New Orleans, New York City, Philadelphia, San Diego, San Francisco, Seattle, and Washington DC—and looks at how gentrification affected each one. $19.95.

The second, The Hand Job Book: A Work of Non-Friction$12.95. has not only a clever subtitle, but some pretty great illustrations. Learn about The Okay, The Italian Job and The Girl Scout (which could be really painful if not properly lubed).

And then there was The Facebook Book, which made us cringe a little when we saw it. Then we learned it was written by the guys who wrote The Hipster Handbook and we cringed a little more. $12.95.

NOTE: While we link to the Amazon listing for each book, we encourage you to only use it as a reference and support your local independent bookstore instead.

Scanner Book Club: George Michael Autobiography

Scanner Book Club: "Homo Thug"

Raffi: Godfather of Indie Hipster Fashion?

Steve McKay — Tue, 10 Jun 2008 17:36:00 GMT

The punkers had Iggy Pop, the grungers had Neil Young and the…um…soulsters had James Brown, but people, how many times have walked through Williamsburg or Wicker Park or Kensington Market or any other hipster neighborhood in any other city and said to yourself “Where the fuck did these people come from?” Or, if we may expatiate from there “Who is the Godfather of Indie Hipster Fashion?” Well kids, we think we've found the answer here with this picture of popular children’s entertainer Raffi. Note the wildly patterned shirt, colorful wide-brimmed cap and unruly beard. Devendra Banhart eat your heart out!

We Missed Out On The Hipster Olympics

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 17:30:00 GMT

Taking place in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, of course. Not that we would've gone, lest we were so uncool as to be associated with hipsters.

Thanks, Marco.

Unfunny Hipster Who Couldn't Get Through "Weekend Update" Competently To Replace Conan O'F*cking Brien

Bryan Christian — Tue, 13 May 2008 13:04:00 GMT

S'alright. We need more sleep anyway.

An NBC Goodbye for Leno After ‘Tonight’? {NYTimes]
But did you miss Jimmy Fallon? [EW]

Top 10 Rich People Who Look Poor

Emily Farris — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 13:45:00 GMT

When we were growing up, our mom always said "just because we're poor doesn't mean we have to look poor." But over the last few years we've seen people dressing like they're poor no matter how much money they have. Here we've compiled the top 10 rich people who look poor.

10. Peter Jackson
Producer/director Peter Jackson looks like he should be driving his El Camino (unironically) through the Burger King Drive Thru on his way to work at the video store. However, we do have to admit that this picture is old and he's looking much better these days; in fact, we'd probably make out with him now.

[Image via lightscameraaction.wordpress.com]

9. Penny Marshall
While it actually kind-of works for her, Penny Marshall doesn't exactly dress like she's raking it in from her big-time directing jobs.

[Image via lakers.topbuzz.com]

8. Tom from MySpace
Seriously, this guy sold MySpace to Rupert Murdoch for how many millions of dollars? You'd think he might want to change out of that t-shirt and put up a new picture. Maybe he could even afford a digital camera with a better DPI? Stop trying to be "one of us," Tom (if that really even is your name). You sold out a long time ago, and now MySpace sucks. The ads make it soooo sloooow. Do you have any idea how long it took us to grab this picture?

7. Si Newhouse
The Chairman and CEO of Advance Mags/Conde Nast is often spotted around 4 Times Square in "a well worn sweatshirt." While we could not secure photographic evidence of said sweatshirt, our many sources inside Conde Nast have confirmed this to be true.

6. Either of The Olsen Twins at Any Given Moment
While they're starting to grow out of it, the Olsen Twins defined hobo chic or boho or homeless chic or whatever the hell you want to call it. And if you've ever seen them wandering the streets of New York, you, too, may have mistaken them for malnourished homeless people who spent their $6/day sweatshop salaries on Starbucks.

[Image via tsl.pomona.edu]

5. Pete Doherty
Pete Doherty's look seems to always scream (or whimper) "Please sir, may I have some more?," whether he's asking for food, clothes or heroin.

[Image via news.com.au]

4. Nick Nolte
We don't think anyone will ever again think of Nick Nolte without thinking of this picture.

3. Britney Spears
There are just some things no amount of money could ever fix (though the Fiji water is definitely expensive, as far as bottled water goes).

[Image via socialitelife.celebuzz.com]

2. Trust Fund Hipsters
These kids spend a lot of their parents' money to look like they're forced to shop at the Salvation Army. The expensive coke also helps with the "too poor to buy groceries" look.

[Image via nochancepublishing.blogspot.com]

1. Amy Winehouse
Amy Winehouse is worth at least £10 million. She tops our list because not only does she look poor, she smokes crack, just to keep it real.

[Image via infdaily.buzznet.com]

Runner Up: Courtney Love
We know Courtney Love is supposed to be all Seattle rock grunge or whatever, but we really just want to give her some eye make-up remover and take her on a shopping spree (except we can't, because we really are poor).

[Image via nymag.com]

Deep "That's What SHE Said" Thoughts On... Hipster Sexuality

Katie Halper — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:45:00 GMT

I've observed that Hipsters stick to their own more than other "subcultures" and species. I also have observed, that a Hipster will pursue a less attractive Hipster and reject a stunning non-Hipster more than non-Hipsters do. In other words, members of the Hipster community, engage in far less inter-subcultural dating than, say, members of the Hip Hop community. Of course, my studies are far from conclusive, due to the fact that the Hipster never self identifies as Hipster. Self identifying is actually atypical among the Hipster population, and is a strong indicator that the individual is not, in fact, a member of the Hipster tribe. If, however, we take my study on its face, the following question arises. If Hipsters prefer someone who is less attractive, but appears, dresses like, and acts like more of a hipster, to some who is more attractive, but does not dress like a Hipster, is the Hipster more or less superficial than non-Hipsters?