Scanner : high school

Sloppy Seconds: Free Viagra!

Emily Farris — Thu, 14 May 2009 23:01:00 GMT

Spring Awakening—the musical that made more than $57 million in the United States and made anyone who went to see it with his or her parents very uncomfortable—is closing in London after only five months. [FlavorWire]

Um, what kind of high school lets the yearbook team publish an upskirt photo? [BuzzFeed]

A new development in the Jon and Kate Plus Eight saga: Jon may not have been the only one allegedly cheating. Apparently, he had long feared that his wife was having an affair with her married bodyguard. [Us]

Ashley Olsen isn't the only woman modeling men's clothing. [AfterEllen]

Could Johnny Depp play Frank Sinatra in the movies? [Vulture]

Elizabeth Edwards will talk about her husband John's mistress, as long as no one mentions her name. [Yahoo!]

Just because you don't have a job, or health insurance, doesn't mean you shouldn't have your Viagra. Pfizer has s unveiled a new program will let people who have lost their jobs and health insurance keep taking some widely prescribed Pfizer medications—including Lipitor and Viagra—for free for up to a year. [Yahoo!]

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[Image]

While You Were Sleeping: The Top Gunning Lesbian

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:09:00 GMT

Great news, everybody, swine flu has not affected The Real World: Cancun.

This time, Sean Penn is the one to file for a separation.

A high school marching band member fended off a robber with her baton.

Check out the senior citizen sisters' heroin operation.

A teen prostitute in Sweden claims she was forced to have sex with over 500 men.

Elizabeth Edwards says her husband John should not have run for President a second time, especially after that whole idiotic affair fiasco thing.

A FEMA coloring book features a 9/11 image.

David Blaine is teaching Mia Farrow how to starve herself for publicity.

And Kelly McGillis came out of the closet.

While You Were Sleeping: Lindsay Lohan's Strip Show

While You Were Sleeping: Kim Kardashian's Sex Tape Is Inspiring to Young Girls?

O Canada! Teen Girls Trading BJs for Merchandise

Colleen Kane — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 15:36:00 GMT

Here's the lead of a story in the Toronto Star about the kids today:

Middle-class Canadian girls are giving oral sex after school to pay for sweaters and handbags.

Well, that got my attention, how about you?

According to filmmaker (and former Toronto Star columnist) Sharlene Azam, oral sex has become so normalized among teens that, for some in her film Oral Sex is the New Goodnight Kiss, it's being used as a barter tool.

So how has prositution developed in middle-class schools? Azam calls those teens who recruit fellow teens into prostitution "a new kind of predator."

Girls she spoke with for the film would speak casually about blowing five guys in one night.

"The reason they speak about it unflinchingly is because it has become as benign and as acceptable as kissing. This is what our culture has become. Think back to the '80s when girls would blush when talking about their first kiss. We are way past that point with blowjobs. The real question is, 'What's next?'"

Heather, 16, outright states she associates pleasuring the boys with power. Which begs the question, has feminism failed the girls?

"We failed our girls. What's happened to our girls? We have let Girls Gone Wild and the media culture define them."

Commenters on the interview with Azam are divided about whether parenting has failed, or this is nothing new and Azam is making a mountain out of a couple of run-of-the-mill high-school sluts. What do you think?

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This Week in Sex: We Couldn't Stuff It All In

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 22:06:00 GMT

We hope this is real and not the viral marketing work of some jean company...

Sometimes the stories are too small for their own posts. Sometimes there are two many stories for one week, which is definitely the case here.

Today, we'll present: the Not Ready For Daytime Players... in This Week in Sex, featuring tales of football teams, Bollywood nudity, Melissa Joan Hart, Playboy, brothers, and... Susan Boyle?!

A minister in Florida (where else) is being investigated for possibly sexually assaulting members of a high school football team. The man allegedly promised his victims help in their athletic careers-- not sure how his religion fits into sports. Maybe he promised to rig the coin tosses?

Apparently, there will be full frontal male nudity in a Bollywood movie. (We can't confirm that this is actually the first legitimate male nude scene from that genre, but it sounds about right.)

Melissa Joan Hart says she never did Playboy because her Maxim cover caused her brother too much embarrassment.

The State of Nevada decided not to tax brothel sex, but not before this classic quote was delivered:

"I don't know why people won't recognize that we have a legal industry," state Sen. Bob Coffin, who introduced the legislation, told the Associated Press. "I'm willing to go in and do the dirty work if no one else will."

Thanks, Senator, but your sexpertise won't be required. Moving on...

Those scary-lookers had some of the loudest sex we've ever heard (of.)

In Indiana, two little girls walked in on group sex in the bathroom of their local people Taco Bell.

Unlike our cheerleading coach friend, this woman deserved get fired: a teacher was given the boot for taking a bunch of girls to a strip club. The biggest problem is that some of the girls were under 18 and could've been arrested.

And the new porn marketing gimmick is officially is to offer whomever dominates the news a role in adult film in exchange for a million dollars:

See what [Publicity-Hungry Production Assholes] did there? Set up an entire website for something that will never happen (much like the Octomom porn) and then sit back and watch the traffic skyrocket for a headline that reads "Susan Boyle Does a Porn (Maybe)." Chances are, Boyle will never even see this site, and has never been contacted by these people. But just associating their adult films with a recent phenomena is the oldest trick in the book. Although who would ever pay to see Boyle lose her virginity on camera is another story alltogether.

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Cheerleading Coach In Hottest Nude Photo Scandal Ever

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 15 Apr 2009 19:20:00 GMT

Channel 13 in Sacramento claims to have been "up all night" (you'll believe it when you see the photos) working on the story of Carlie Christine, a cheerleading coach at Casa Robles High School, who was outed as a Playboy and internet porn pinup yesterday after she got on the bad side of a bunch of bitchy wannabe cheerleaders.

But unlike everyone else foaming at the mouth over this amusing tale of moonlighting gone wrong, we have the photographic evidence to prove it really happened...

Christine, it turns out, used her real name (or at least the same name she teaches under) in posing for Playboy, which made it a cinch that the entire football team would eventually stumble across the snaps, which it did. But it was when an undetermined number of girls were kicked off the cheerleading squad for skipping school their awful parents leaked the online photos to shocked school officials.

According to the local media, Christine has been fired from her coaching job, although we'd be surprised if she doesn't quickly make ten times the money modeling. We found something CBS missed: Carlie Christine's modeling website.

I am shorter in stature but photograph very proportionate and I stay thin and toned.
I currently have shoulder-length natural brown hair and intend on keeping it the same from now on.
I do have four small tattoos that I cover with makeup or have airbrushed out for photos unless they are wanted for the shoot.

More of her nude photos, including full frontal images, can be seen here.

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Shockingly, This Teacher Did Something Inappropriate to Students

With Most Teachers Already In Jail, Principals Getting In On The Student Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 19:10:00 GMT

Yes, we're exaggerating a bit when we claim "most" teachers are in jail for sleeping with their students (or other underage kids.) But it's no great lie to say that it feels like at least twice a day now that we're hit with another rough set of allegations about teaching staff going hog wild in locker rooms, parked cars, or on classroom desks.

Brookann Collier, a 32-year-old from Santa Maria, California, decided that she would be one of the few to get away with it...

Collier is was a principal at Tunnell Elementary School in town, which is where she met a 14-year-old that she slept with for almost five years. The victim, now 20, since graduated from both the elementary school and a nearby high school, but that doesn't mean Collier was off the hook. While many grown men claim they "wish" something sinister like this had happened to them in their glory days, there's an usual twist here:

The victim is a girl. The rumor is she wasn't a lesbian at all and continued the relationship under force. Either way, Collier is charged with child molestation because the victim was under 15 at the time of the first sexual assault. The accused posted the $100,000 in bail and is now out on the street.

Image via here.

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Huge High School Sex Investigation Ends With A Single Arrest... A Lesbian Teacher

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 10 Apr 2009 15:08:00 GMT

Schools across the state of Texas, worried about the outbreak of teacher sex scandals, have launched a full-scale investigation in several districts, aimed at finding out about the goings-on before the police or media do. Unfortunately, this move has backfired in at least one case-- an unnamed high school teacher, embarrassed after the whole school found out he'd been investigated, decided to resign even though the investigators exonerated him.

After school districts began complaining about the unrest among staff, investigators decided to back off... having arrest one single, solitary person.

Jennifer Lea Burton, a 39-year-old phys ed teacher and coach in Beaumont, was busted for having sex on at least three occasions with a 15-year-old girl. Burton met the girl through her work as a volleyball, track, and basketball coach in the fall of 2008 and started sleeping with her almost immediately, according to unsubstantiated rumors. Investigators say the acts happened between September and November of last year and then may have ceased. In any case, Burton was not found out until a few weeks ago, when her name was dropped during the investigation. Burton turned herself in to police on the sexual assault charges and was released on a $75,000 bond.

By the way, Burton has a daughter in the district-- possibly even at the same high school. That can't be good for her well-being, either.

Via The Beaumont Enterprise.

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Sex Ed Class Enjoys Naked Man Parade

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 02 Apr 2009 15:05:00 GMT

They'd never get away with this in America: one British high school is making headlines after a teacher showed her sex ed class a parade of naked men and asked them which body parts they wanted to focus on...

The dudes were parading around the school gymnasium for a live camera feed set up by Channel Four's The Sex Education Show, which aims to teach young people healthy attitudes about lovemaking-- you know, not that abstinence garbage. The cameras zoomed in on the body parts in question, examining their remarkable differences and proving no two people are alike, according to this local news story.

Even more incredibly, this was sanctioned by the school and the parents. (In America, they would bring back lynching specifically to deal with these people.) The students thought it helped show boys that not everyone is supermodel thin and there is nothing wrong with the un-Photoshopped body. Hear, hear.

Check out what Assistant head teacher Jo Postlethwaite has to say about the program:

"I think what this has given us is a starting point to revamp sex education. The students really benefited from people from outside the school coming in to talk to them about sex. It can be hard for both students and teachers to go from a teacher being your maths teacher to being your sex education teacher. Maybe it needs to be someone completely different."

We really have nothing more to say about this except "bravo." Meanwhile, Italy is in an uproar over a teacher who discussed genital piercings, bondage, and all that jazz during an off-topic rant about masturbation. This was during a sex ed class being taught to eleven-year-olds, which is apparently not acceptable over there.

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While You Were Sleeping: The Wrestler And That Video Game

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 14:08:00 GMT

CNN looks at one convicted murderer's life after DNA vindication.

The Obamas announced what kind of puppy they're going to get. My, they are drawing this out like a Stephen King serial novel, aren't they?

High School Fight Club didn't turn out to be as funny as the movie.

A New Jersey beauty queen was arrested for counterfeiting... beware the frightening pictures of the other two culprits!

Was this a brilliant bank robbery or what? Let's hope there's a movie in the works.

Ryanair hates bloggers... although, in the company's defense, they do have their reasons.

Anna Paquin is dating her True Blood co-star.

That awesome fake vintage video game in The Wrestler? It's real... unfortunately, it's not for sale... yet.

And does this Leonard Cohen "poem" in the New Yorker mean he's working on new songs?

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Is This Another Murder-Coverup of a Black Man?

14-Year-Old Girl Arrested for Sending a Text... and Not Even That Kind of Text...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 16:14:00 GMT

How the hell do you go from sitting in class, not paying attention to the teacher and typing a text message on your Cricket, to getting arrested?

According to various local news reports out of Pennsylvania, you do it by being a total brat. The unnamed fourteen-year-old girl in question was asked to stop texting in class and refused (hey, at least have the decency to lie and say you'll cut it out.) She continued to text right in front of the teacher, who finally had to call in the School Resource Officer.

The officer took the girl to the office of the Dean of Students, who asked the girl where the cell phone was. She shrugged and denied having a cell phone. (Commence eye rolling now.) The Dean eventually had to call the girl's parents... but the girl repeatedly gave him the wrong number. (Dude, don't you have records for these kinds of things? What if there'd been an emergency?) Finally, the police were called in to search the girl's person-- the phone was found down her pants, by her butt.

After all this, we guess they had no choice but to arrest her for disorderly conduct and suspended her for several days. If only they had a more serious charge-- what, they couldn't fake a cop punch and charge her for that? (Kidding.) Before you leap to her defense, know that she kept returning to the school to meet with friends over the next two days, even though she wasn't allowed to be there-- this time she was slapped with a trespassing charge.

Couldn't she have just sent a nude photo of herself like the rest of the girls so there'd be more to this story?

Read more here. Image via.

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Colorado Kids Want to Write About Sex and No One Can Stop Them

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 16 Feb 2009 15:36:00 GMT

Because of a much-discussed state law, administrative advisers for Colorado's school newspapers are only allowed to offer suggestions and guide staffers along, while the kids make the final decisions.

This may be why the state's Arapahoe High School was able to publish an edition of their paper devoted to teen relationships, i.e. promiscuous sex...

According a local NBC news affiliate, the most recent issue of the Arapahoe Herald was devoted to the subject:

"Player spills inside details," features the sexual escapades of a male student.

"I constantly [get sex] even though I have a girlfriend," said the boy who assumed the fictitious name of Trey Costanda. He is also quoted saying, "The easiest way to get girls is to get them drunk, but that's not right."

"First of all, why would you print that in the school newspaper?" 18-year-old senior Jeff Malaterre asked. "Parents could get upset at the school for publishing something like that."

The other controversial profile in the article featured the story of an openly promiscuous girl, who assumed the fictitious name of Marie Cullen.

"You have to give boys what they want," she said in the article, "My main weapons are my [breasts]."

Cullen also talks about having eight sexual partners and details her first sexual experience.

Cullen... Cullen? From where could this young lady have lifted her moniker? Hmmm...

Seriously, could it be that the abstinence theme of Stephanie Meyer's Twilight books has, like all abstinence "programs" and general grandstanding, backfired and turned teens into irresponsible sexual, well, vampires?

Via 9News.

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Top 10 Sexiest Album Covers of All Time

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 06 Feb 2009 20:57:00 GMT

10. Herb Alpert's Tijuana Brass - Whipped Cream & Other Delights. The other delights, unfortunately, are mainly covered up by the whipped cream, but this is still vintage goodness.

9. Betty Davis - They Say I'm Different. The woman once married to Miles (hence how she got the movie star-esque name) has two of the sexiest album covers ever. We can't explain why we love our #9 choice... or why we chose it over her possibly sexier "Nasty-Gal" photo...

8. The Pixies - Surfer Rosa. We've listened to this album about 300 times and we still don't know who Surfer Rosa is or why Kim Deal gets upset when Black Francis yells "you fucking die." But yeah, gotta love the field-hockey-players-and-the-coach sex scandal story. Oh, and the cover ain't bad either... and those catchy tunes... and... and...

7. Shakira - Oral Fixation. With a title like that, you'd think Shakira wants to be treated like a sex object-- but look, there's a baby! And this sluttastic photo is playfully Biblical, so you know she's a good Catholic girl. Right?

6. Blondie - Parallel Lines. For Halloween one year, we had a girl dress as Debbie Harry and we joined her in the easy-as-hell hipster uniform worn by the guys in this photo-- and damn it if we weren't sexy as all hell. The other night, we saw Debbie Harry play a fundraiser with a local high school band, doing bizarre and funky versions of "Heart of Glass" and other classics from that album. (We had a boner both nights.) Mainly, this cover is incredibly sexy thanks to the dudes with their shit-eating grins realizing how lucky they are to even be associated with a knockout like Debbie Harry, who makes this one helluva photo with that scowl contrasting their gleeful faces.

(Trivia: what future famous person picked Debbie Harry up in his car one night when she was walking home from waitressing at Max's Kansas City. Hint: he was a creep and she jumped out of the car at the next red light. Answer: Ted Bundy.)

5. The Strokes - Is This It? One could make about a dozen jokes about this album and its cover ("Heh heh... I bet they like to "Stroke" it to their own cover..." or "Is this it? Indeed, how come the album isn't as good as the cover?" for starters.) We'll just mention that whimpy Americans don't even have this picture on their 2001 records because it was deemed "too risque." So was the song New York City Cops-- but that's understandable, given 9/11 occurred just before the record's initially-planned release date.

4. Pulp - This Is Hardcore. A record with only one good song ("Like A Friend," and it isn't even the best of the two released versions)-- hey at least the cover makes for good wallpaper.

3. Ween - Chocolate and Cheese. Personally, we prefer the cover where they parody Leonard Cohen's Best of album using the Elephant Man, but these boobs are pretty sensational. Speaking of sensational, get a load of that belt! We might even wear that thing if it came our way...

2. The Cars - Candy-O. We're pretty sure this ain't no real woman, but for you anime freaks out there, this is one to get your keyboards sticky over. Ew, ew, ew-- pretend we didn't even say that. By the way, for some unimaginable reason, girls tend to get in the mood when The Cars come on the radio-- even if the song is "Let the Good Times Roll." FYI, dudes.

1. Roxy Music - Country Life. Their first US top 40 record (it went Top 5 in Britain), Roxy Music's Country Life is an obvious choice for #1 because of the near-nudity factor. (Of course, there are dozens of possible candidates for this list that have nudity in their covers, but they simply weren't as hot. Maybe for our Part Two someday...) Here's what Wikipedia has to tell us about this glorious photo:

The cover features two scantily-clad models, Constanze Karoli... and Eveline Grunwald. Bryan Ferry met them in Portugal and persuaded them to do the photo shoot as well as to help him with the words to the song "Bitter-Sweet". Although not credited for their photos they are credited on the lyric sheet for their German translation work.

The cover image was considered controversial in some countries such as the United States, Spain, and The Netherlands, where it was censored for release. As a result, a later American LP release of Country Life (available during the years 1975-80) featured a different cover shot. Instead of Karoli and Grunwald posed in front of some trees, the reissue used a photo from the album's back cover that featured only the trees.^.Author Michael Ochs has described the result as the "most complete cover-up in rock history." [Wikipedia]

Honorable Mentions: Jane's Addiction - Nothing's Shocking; Jennifer Lopez - On the 6; and one of the Slunt records. Suggestions are welcome for a follow-up list...

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So Lap Dances Aren't Acceptable at High School Basketball Games?

Emily Farris — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 20:13:00 GMT

When I was on the dance team in high school—the aptly named Fort Osage "Indianettes"—I was given the nickname "PT" for pelvic thrust(er). According to my fellow dancers, I couldn't even perform the fight song without a little extra pump from my rump.

Apparently it was nothing compared a dance routine performed at Jonesboro High School in Georgia.

After a recent performance by the school's dance team, all dance, cheerleading and band members in the school district must have their routines approved by an administrator and the dance team has been disbanded. Its coach has been removed as well.

Heh. We bet the principal got a boner.

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Dare to Dream, Girls: High School Offers Pole Dance Demo

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Dare to Dream, Girls: High School Offers Pole Dance Demo

Colleen Kane — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 18:35:00 GMT

A high school in Paignton, England offered a lesson in pole dancing during a recent lunch break as part of Be Healthy Week. The demo was given by 32-year-old instructor Sam Remmer from the pole-dancing company The Art of Dance, in a public area of the school.

Students in the crowd made videos with their cell phones, and presumably something like the teen craze "sexting" ensued. As did staff complaints. The second demo was moved inside to the gym.

Remmer gave these lessons for free on the condition she could post her own videos online, and that's where this situation gets even more problematic. The school asked her to take down her videos, and she took down the videos that showed students, but not others in the gym, and defends herself thusly:

"Mrs Remmer said unless people are educated in the differences between modern fitness pole dancing and lap dancing then negative stereotypes will not go away," reports the Sun. "She said pole dancing is appropriate for young teenagers at school as it is a mix of dance moves and gymnastics and is excellent for fitness."

And, for some, it teaches a profitable, if short-term, career skill!

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Woman With the Best Perv Name Ever to Be Sentenced For, Well, Being a Perv

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 17:03:00 GMT

Maryland just received a much-needed injection of seediness after a small-town English teacher pleaded guilty yesterday to a sex crime involving one of her students.

The media is having a field day with this one, with television reporters gleefully repeating her porn star name over and over to soak up a bit more of that ratings glory...

According to the Baltimore Sun, Autumn Lee Leathers (yum) faces a one-year prison sentence after taking a plea deal from prosecutors, who tossed out charges of assault and child abuse. The crime she is now guilty of? Having a torrid, three-month sex fest with a 15-year-old boy, which became so loud and publicly obnoxious that her neighbors finally had to rat her out:

Officers say they were contacted by a resident, who noticed the student at Leathers’ home several times n the late evening.

When he was interviewed by officers, the student told them he and Leathers had a sexual relationship that started in May of this year and continued throughout the summer.

Authorities believe all of the sexual activity occurred at Leathers’ home, not in the school. A search warrant was executed at Leathers’ home on Braddock Street in Frostburg Wednesday evening, where police found other evidence that has become part of the investigation. [Naughty Neighbors]

Leathers was 24 at the time of her crimes-- and was admittedly kind of a cutie then-- so, she becomes part of our ongoing thesis about attractive 22- to 29-year-old teachers in America finding that, for the first time in their lives, there are "men" that are off-limits to them and how great it makes them feel to break the rules...

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Boy Wages Internet Campaign To Stop Cussing, With Predictably Hilarious Results

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 14:44:00 GMT

Instead of an obvious career in modeling or as a child star, McKay Hatch, a 14-year-old boy in California, decided to start a high school group called "No Cussing." Their pledge caught on, quickly garnering over 100 students. When the internet campaign began, the whole country, including Dr. Phil and Good Morning America, took notice. Their message of clean speech eventually spread all over the world, and peaked recently at 10,000 members.

But then the rest of the internet, the pranksters and redditors and Farkers, decided Hatch's campaign needed some pizzazz...

Go fuck yourself.
What the fuck are you doing?
Bullshit.

These are just three of the many thousands of hate mail messages Hatch has received since the word got out. Pizzas will arrive at his house at all hours, the phone rings all night long with prank callers. Best yet, the porn magazines consistently fill up Hatch's mailbox.

What do you think? Is this kid asking for it-- saying some words are "wrong"-- or does he have a valid issue here?

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Boy Suspended From School For Having Sex... Guess What Happened to His Partner?

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 14:44:00 GMT

Sexism strikes both sexes in American culture. Note the example shown above...

...and this story, which features a thirteen-year-old boy who learned that it's often considered solely the male person's fault if a man and a woman are caught doing something "sexually inappropriate" out in the real world.

First of all, we have to point out that we now have thirteen-year-olds having sex in school stairwells. Who got any action, let alone after hours, before they were in high school? What's next? Preschoolers having swingers parties during nap time?

Walter Ransome, who becomes one of the first-ever thirteen-year-old boys to be named in the news media for having sex, was busted by a teacher for having sex with a young lady in his Philly-area stairwell. His mother, of course, was livid-- but more upset over her son's punishment compared to his paramour's:

Walter got kicked out of school for the incident. The girl stayed in school. Now, Goss is demanding to know why.
"I'm not going against the school board whatsoever. Punish these children the way they are supposed to be punished, but don't just punish one and not the other when they both were involved. That's not fair," she said. [Philadelphia Daily News]

Damn straight-- why would the boy, who is black, get a ten-day suspension from junior high school while his classmate (ethnicity unknown) returns to her studies as if nothing ever happened?

Has anyone else out there noticed a double standard when it comes to punishing a young male ~~sex fiend~~ busted for doing something sexual with a female of similar age?

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Sloppy Seconds: Stripper Feels the Crunch

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 18 Dec 2008 23:12:00 GMT

We just want to start out by saying you need to see the following three movies this weekend: Slumdog Millionaire, Milk, and The Wrestler, supposing they are out where you currently reside. Mickey Rourke's performance is one of the greatest so far this century, although Sean Penn is equally good on a more subtle level and could steal an Oscar from him, while Slumdog Millionaire is barely not cheeseball Bollywood/Hollywood, but the story hooks you almost instantly and the end-credit dance-off is the most eye popping in ages. Check out movie showtimes here.

In other news, we have a final result in the $54 million dry cleaning lawsuit...

Roy L. Pearson, the former administrative law judge who sued his dry cleaner for $54 million over a misplaced pair of pants, lost his final appeal in the District's highest court.
"Appellant failed to establish either that the Chungs' 'Satisfaction Guaranteed' and 'Same Day Service' signs constituted false or misleading statements, or that they lost his pants.

Next, we hope he gets sued (and loses again) over all this...

A stripper in Colorado has been making $18 a day thanks to the recession.

Want to have a day of hookey with your girl? Just call in anonymous threats to her school!

Wall-E seems to be benefitting the split votes among the critics, who can't decide on a favorite that any of them pick as their #1. Instead, they end up with everybody's second or third choice, the Pixar film that delighted audiences and baffled the gluttonous.

And Janet Jackson broke up with Jermaine Dupri, according to the tabloids.

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This Week In Gayness: The Coming Out TV Series

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 16 Dec 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Sioux City, Iowa decided not to vote on gay marriage because they're not sure they have the authority to do so. We wish Prop 8 supporters had realized the same thing.

Arizona can't even decide whether it wants to support equal judicial representation of gay people.

Headline of the week: "How gay are Philly athletes?" Answer: very.

The State Department has find an interesting way to stop gay marriage...

I've now seen a couple of different reports (here and now here) about how same-sex couples who legally change their names on their marriage certificates are unable to get the State Department to recognize that name change on the couple's passports. In these cases, the State Department takes the position that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) prevents the government from recognizing a name change effected in conjunction with a same-sex marriage. Nonetheless, the State Department will recognize the name change if the couple takes the separate (and completely unnecessary) step of going to court to get a judicial name change or if the new name is used publicly and exclusively for a period of at least five years (and you can document such use).

Showtime is producing a reality show called Coming Out, which is, you guessed it, about people who come out to their bizarrely-clueless families.

New Jersey may have marriage equality in the near future.

"Religion is far more of a choice than homosexuality." - Jon Stewart

Melissa Etheridge and Elisabeth Hasselbeck got into a fight about gay marriage on The View.

And another dumb kid wore a pro-Prop 8 shrit to school.

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MI Teacher Wants You to Burn the Sheets After Hot Sex

Brian Fairbanks — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 18:44:00 GMT

Kelly Abdo is back.

The pervy Monroe, Michigan girls' volleyball coach was back in court, answering to charges that she had... wait, what's this? Even more ridiculous sex with her students?

You'll recall Abdo-- she's the one who is charged with indecent exposure because, although the student she had sex with was legal, she decided she couldn't wait to get to the boy's house and nailed him outside a house party-- as if no one would notice that!

Guys, before you start having fantasies about this woman, you should know she's completely psycho. And not in the slightly sexy way you want her to be, either:

1) She's a newlywed. For Christ's sake, she got married last year and she's already banging underage students. (See below.)

2) She reportedly forced a girl with an injured leg to perform drills for the volleyball team. Scores of parents have complained about her teaching methods and lawsuits were threatened before the latest revelations came to light.

3) Not only did she sleep with a student in a parked car, she slept with a seventeen-year-old in his house. Abdo slept with the kid and then called him to make sure he "burned the sheets" so her DNA wouldn't be detected on his bed. He neglected to or refused and prosecutors plan to weild the bedding as evidence against Abdo.

4) Idiot Girl Googled "DNA evidence and how to remove it from crime scenes and clothing," and "sex laws between teachers and students under 18 in Michigan." Also: "DNA forensic evidence," "registered sex offender," "sex offender laws," "subpoenaing text message records," and "how long text messages are stored." Moron, you should have thought of things before you had sex-- you don't look up sex laws after you break them-- it's already too late. Guilty. As. Charged.

5) There may have been some underage drinking at that party. What the hell was a twenty-something teacher doing at a high school party-- this woman was begging to be caught and put away for a century or more...

Via the Toledo Blade.

Droves of Students Coming Forward to Testify Against Skank Teacher

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"Dad, Guess Who Lost Their Virginity Last Night?"

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 18:53:00 GMT

This eighteen-year-old girl made the mistake we've all had nightmares about: IMing"Dad" when we meant to tell "Darcy..."

Elisabeth Frisinger was on a class trip with all her high school chums from Cleveland, Ohio when she decided to jump on IM.

Lizzy: "OMG! Just had 1st time on beach! Gr8! Wish u were here!"

Jesus Christ, woman, you write texts worse than I IM and you're old enough to lose your virginity? No wonder Dad, whom you accidentally messaged instead of your friend Darcy, is pissed:

We would be convinced of this item's fakery if it weren't for the fact that her classmates took pictures of her misery (which we won't subject you to) and leaked the story in the first place, which Frisinger has yet to deny. And all she had to do was say, "Dad, I meant-- it was my first time checking out the beach on this trip." In this instance, her braindead use of English would've helped her.

Poor thing-- guess this is why you don't add your fuckin' parents to you buddy list-- use the telephone, that way you don't make mistakes like these! Duh.

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Nude High School Cheerleader Scandal is Disturbing for a Few Reasons

Colleen Kane — Tue, 09 Dec 2008 16:47:00 GMT

Two cheerleaders at Bothell High School in Washington state were naive enough to pose for nude cell phone photos and not realize the photos would be passed all around the school, which was what in fact happened. (Duh)

And now apparently according to the school and some commenters on the Internet, the cheerleaders are the only ones to blame.

The two young women in question have been suspended from the cheerleading squad, which is rather harsh, because what else are cheerleaders going to do with themselves? Now the parents are suing the school district. As one of them said, "If she had been caught taking illegal drugs twice, she would not have been punished this severely. The school has arbitrarily taken away the one thing that my daughter loves most. She will never get that back again."

Meanwhile, in the grand old tradition of condemning the high school female slut but not other participants in the slutting, not one student who passed around the photos to others has been sought out or questioned by the school. However, as part of this in-depth investigation, the nudie photos did get distributed further to members of the school administration. Apparently, they simply could not have come to a decision without seeing the photos -- one which, by the by, was taken when the girl was 13.

The teens' attorney said, "The student code of the conduct does say that athletes are held to a higher standard." (So that's another reason for us to never be athletes, besides laziness, being out of shape, lack of skill.) "The problem that we have -- one of my clients took the photo back when she was 13, before she even was a student at the school and the photo, unfortunately, has been following her around from grade level to grade level. As a result, I find it difficult to believe she can be punished for something violating a code of conduct that she simply had no knowledge of until after she got into high school."

We have a feeling that this is the kind of scandal that Europeans love to laugh at Americans for, for being so uptight about nudity in the first place, and we have another feeling that the commenters saying those cheerleaders got what they deserved are the same bozos who make up the Men's Rights Movement.

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Image: townofgrace.org

Today's Cradle-Robbing Cutie: Drama Teacher Lisa Glide

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 21:24:00 GMT

'Tis the season for stories of teachers sleeping with high school students, apparently.

35-year-old New Jersey drama teacher Lisa "Astro?" Glide was taken in by the cops yesterday following revelations she had a continuing sexual relationship with one of her students, a seventeen-year-old who has long since graduated. If these charges stick, she could face up to twenty years in prison...

Here are some comments we've seen on various news sites discussing this case:

-Hey authorities, he’s a little hint - if the “victim” is older than 13, he is not really a victim. He’s the luckiest dude at school - especially when the supposed “sex offender” looks like she just walked off the Cowboys cheerleading squad.
-Yet ANOTHER female predator. You can bet she'll get off with a slap. If a man did this, he'd be put away forever.
-seriously.....does anyone believe a 17 year old boy be emotionaly harmed by this? This may sound like double standard/sexist but just wondering?

I'll be more harmed by this becoming public, especiallly if she was not that attractive.

I understand her responsibility as a teacher but he is 17....
-Going back 5 yrs when I was 17 and if my teacher looked as good I would definately do her. A 17yr old male definately knows what he is doing. The teacher shouldnt be lawfully punished but definately fired and should seek a new career.

P.S. Good job lil man! Hope you scored an A++

Hey, 22-year-old dude: you'd be helping your case a whole more if you spelled "definitely" correctly when you say a 17-year-old "definately know what he is doing," since you sure as hell don't.

We post these stories all the time, but no one ever weighs in on whether these (FEMALE) teachers deserve punishment beyond an obvious firing. What do you think? If the now-eighteen-year-old guy consented and continued to consent throughout and testifies in her defense, what should her punishment be, if anything?

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Louisiana Teacher Gets Closer to Student By Sleeping with His Father

Brian Fairbanks — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 17:47:00 GMT

If you want to get in the pants of a fifteen-year-old boy, one way to make sure that happens is to first sleep with his father, then stick around for an encore.

Anna Davis, who is a 32-year-old special ed teacher at Benton High in Shreveport, Louisiana, has been arrested for having sex with a juvenile. The cops found out about it following a phone call Davis made the boy's divorced Dad, who she was also sleeping with, letting him know that she was dumping him for his son. Dad, out of either disgust or anger at having been dumped (we're kidding), immediately dialed up Davis's school, which removed her and notified the police.

Her response? "I'm in love with him and I want to marry him."

The cops? "I don't know if she understood exactly what she was doing."

Yes, officer, she most certainly does-- it's called sexual intercourse and it makes people do very strange things...

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When "You May Kiss the Bride" Is the First Kiss Ever It's Apparently "Magical"

Emily Farris — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 19:47:00 GMT

Claudaniel Fabien and Melody La Luz practice what they preach. You see, they are "abstinence educators" in Chicago (you know, in the public schools) and they have been all kinds of abstinent.

The couple married on Saturday. And had their first kiss right about the time the preacher said "You may kiss the bride," because they didn't want to get too close to temptation.

So, what was it like to finally lock lips?

"It was surreal," said Claudaniel "CD" Fabien, 30, after his marriage to Melody LaLuz Fabien on Saturday. "It was like, my other self came out and said, 'Look dude, you're kissing her!' "

The bride described the kiss as "magical."

"It feels like such a gift," Melody said after the ceremony. "When you value a kiss, it becomes something of worth."

A few minutes later she was giggling as her new husband said, "We got business to take care of tonight."

We would like to think they've been secretly banging in the band room the entire time.

[Sun Times: Now You May Kiss the Bride]

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(Thanks, Andrew!)

Dad Nobly Defends Son Against Rape Charges... Oh, Wait...

Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 19:09:00 GMT

What did one forty-year-old Dad do to prove his son was innocent of rape?

Why, show a school administrator the kid's sex tape, of course...

Early reports first indicated Cary, North Carolina father Dwayne Anthony Frazier (who is either 41 or 42, depending on which report you believe) brought a sex tape involving a son to a school official (likely the principal) in hopes of clearing the boy of rape allegations. Instead, he's been arrested on charges of second-degree and third-degree sexual exploitation of a minor.

It gets weirder: Frazier's son is only 17, which would make this child pornography. And weirder: the girl is rumored to be only 14-years-old. Whoops.

And now there's a rumor going around that Mr. Frazier himself filmed the supposedly consensual sex.

If Dad is trying to help his son stay out of jail, maybe he should just stop now.

Photo via WRAL.

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Brian Fairbanks — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 15:55:00 GMT

Poor Stifler.

A forty-year-old Syracuse, Utah mother of a very embarrassed high school boy had sex with at least two of his classmates and sent nude photos of herself to a host of others. Kimberly/Kimberlee Arigot, seen here in her mugshot, has allegedly been sleeping with the two teenage males, aged 15 and 17, for more than a year, while texting at least one other boy with whom she did not have sexual relations.

The Salt Lake City-area Mom, who is apparently single, has posted bail and is back at home, where several of the encounters are believed to have taken place. Early news reports indicate she has been charged with sexual relations with a minor and procuring alcohol for minors.

She has reportedly confessed to all charges.

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While You Were Sleeping: Barack Obama's Big Move

Brian Fairbanks — Mon, 17 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

Alan Greenspan reveals the man responsible for the grave economic crisis we're facing: it's jazz musician Stan Getz.

Apparently, I, Brian Fairbanks had something to do with that Oregon stripper mayor getting stripped of her duties. We don't understand this link either.

This guy won't be able to accompany his 17-year-old wife to her high school dances...

Five pieces of facial jewelry may be all that is stopping a high school senior from attending any school dances with the 19-year-old man she recently married.
Casey Engstrom, 19, graduated from Hubbard High School in 2007. He has since married Brittany, 17, who is still a senior at the high school. The young couple now lives a stone’s throw away from the high school with Casey Engstrom’s grandmother, but Casey Engstrom will not be permitted to attend any school dances with his new wife. Casey Engstrom has been informed that he is banned from such school functions because of skin-stretching jewelry in his lip and ears. [Link]

Cynthia Nixon got involved in a debate about her kids' school, with video.

Send folk singer Odetta a card-- she's in critical condition in a New York hospital.

A man listed a beat up, useless automobile on e-bay for a few hundred dollars and then all but forgot about it. When the auction closed at well over $200,000, it became clear that the car was only one of six of its kind ever made.

Can someone explain to us why the TRL finale was on a Sunday night? Anyway, it featured a stunning cast of music stars, including Eminem, Justin Timberlake, and Beyonce.

And Barack Obama had a busy Sunday: he resigned his Senate seat, gave the Democratic radio address, and addressed the nation... all on YouTube.

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Cheerleaders "Streak" High School Football Game

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 14:08:00 GMT

We put streaking in quotes in our headline because the girls in this video are not actually naked-- they are about as naked as we feel comfortable with and can legally get away posting images of. Does that make sense?

Never mind, you'll just have to see for yourself...

Warning: this video appears to have been filmed by someone who has never operated a video camera before. You'll see what we mean:

Well, at least the beginning is all watchable. And hell, the story ain't bad, either:

Video footage obtained by CBC News shows a dozen South Delta students wearing very little run across the field and spray silly string on the opposing team during half time.

Johnson said he warned students last month not to streak at this year's final game of the season but was, obviously, ignored. Many parents and children left the game in disgust after the prank, he said.

"Our position is one that we don't celebrate this. We don't find it funny," he said.

The girls, calling what they did a "harmless prank," said streaking is a tradition at their school.

"It's just kind of like a fun [graduation] prank for our year, and it's been going on for a couple of years now," said one of the girls, who wanted to be identified only as Rochelle. "It was pretty much out of fun."

"I get older... Canadian high school girls stay the saaamme age..."

Seriously, it would be one thing if these girls were naked and molesting people, but other than that, these parents need to take a step and remember a time when they still had a pulse.

Here's a last parting shot-- a still frame from the video, about the only way you're ever going to be able to figure out what's going on in it:

Via CBC.

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20-Year-Old Teacher Strips For Her Students... On Video

Brian Fairbanks — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 20:10:00 GMT

A teacher in western Hungary may actually get to keep her job, even after she performed a raunchy striptease during a game of (for God's sake!) Truth or Dare, which she engaged in with her 15-year-old students.

Better yet, she gets to keep her job even though video of the strip show ended up on YouTube...

The unnamed teacher, who is identified in news reports only as hailing from Germany, was supervising a school party when a student dared her to take off her clothes... Elizabeth Berkley-style...

Here's the full video. Bonus: they must have planned this thing far enough in advance-- somebody had Joe Cocker's cover of Randy Newman's "You Can Leave Your Hat On" cued up on the CD player when she started out...

She must have this school over a barrel (what, is she the only German-speaking German teacher in Hungary or something?), for the principal refused to dismiss her:

“I was forced to give the German teacher a warning, but I will not dismiss her because she is a valuable teacher for our institution,” said Sandor Rozman.
He said the teacher had shown no more flesh “than you would see on a beach."

We've never wished to return to high school, but if this woman's contract is renewed, we may just re-enroll...

Via News.com.au.